


Jumper Cables

by mizdiz



Series: Scrap Metal [1]
Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Comedy, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Texting, self-indulgent bullshit but it's fun i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-08-26 03:34:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 156,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16673911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizdiz/pseuds/mizdiz
Summary: All Daryl intended to do was give Carol's car a jump and be on his merry way. What he didn't know was that one action would lead his senior year in high school down a rabbit hole of new friends, new enemies, impromptu study sessions, some hardcore crushing, and text threads for days. Who would have thought a life could be changed with something as simple as jumper cables?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to my self-indulgent bullshit! 
> 
> i prefer to post fics all at once, but this one is just fun and cathartic to write, and i wanted to share it with y'all. no twd canon stress, no carzekiel, no major character deaths--just pure, high school dramedy with some silly headcanons i've never been able to use, and a place for me to vent about my hatred of the french language. besides, i'm always a slut for texting fics, but there's plenty of exposition for those who prefer that. 
> 
> writing this fic always cheers me up. i hope you find some joy in it as well. don't take it too seriously. just have fun with it.
> 
> deuces,  
> -diz
> 
> p.s. this fic is dedicated to every chevy i've ever owned, in order:
> 
> to my first car ever, my beat-up chevy cavalier, which was slowly poisoning me with a hole in the gasket tank, and which my mechanic once called, "not worth fixing." you taught me how to love, and also how to hold up a passenger side window with duct tape.
> 
> to my chevy venture covered in exploded pepsi and perpetually flat tires, i never really liked you. you were not a good car. they offered me $200 for your parts, and lbr, that was generous. rip in pieces, bitch.
> 
> and finally, to my mentally-ill chevy impala, with the weird computer malfunction that made you stop at random in the middle of the street. you were horrifying to drive. thank you for not killing me.
> 
> chevys are the devil's preferred mode of transportation, but you guys always got me where i needed to go. mostly. sometimes. not all that often, actually. 
> 
> i'm a prius bitch for life, but i'll never forget where i came from. this fic is for you. <3
> 
> p.p.s. waynedunlaptheorgandonor.tumblr.com

While leaning against a tree, having a smoke, and debating whether it's worth it to go home tonight, Daryl is startled by the sound of an engine failing to turn over, followed by a female voice saying, “Shit shit shit,  _ fuck _ .”

 

He peeks around the tree trunk and sees Carol Miller in her pick-up truck, hitting her steering wheel in frustration. Daryl hears her huff of irritation through her rolled down window. She covers her face with her hands, looking utterly defeated, and Daryl debates on what to do.

 

He doesn't  _ know _ Carol, but he's had classes with her for years, and he knows  _ of _ her, because she's the type of girl that everyone in the school knows, simply by whom she's associated with. She's not very top tier, but she's high enough on the social ladder that you'd have to be the least observant person on the planet not to recognize her, and if there's anything Daryl ardently is not, it's unobservant.

 

Daryl, on the other hand, is absolute bottom tier. He's so low in the hierarchy that his classmates don't even bother to bully him anymore, opting instead to ignore him completely, which, truth be told, he prefers. Still, it makes this situation an awkward catch-22, because if he walks away from her while she's clearly stranded in the school parking lot, he's a dick, but if he approaches her, he risks her turning her popular nose up in his redneck face, and he doesn't particularly feel up to being ridiculed today.

 

He has no empirical proof that Carol is the type to sneer at the mere sight of him, though. That assumption is purely circumstantial, and based on the actions of some of the assholes in the circles he knows she runs in. The only piece of solid evidence of her character he has, actually points to her being a fairly decent person. She's spoken to him exactly one time, and it was when she was helping hand back quizzes in history class two years ago. She'd stepped up to his back corner desk, glanced at his quiz, and then smiled as she passed it to him, saying, “Good job, I don't know how you aced that. I did absolute shit on mine.” 

 

(He'd offered her a tight smile and a single-shoulder shrug, refused to meet her eye, and that had been that.)

 

From inside her truck, face still covered, Carol lets out a few muffled sobs. Daryl sighs.

 

Goddammit.

 

He drops his cigarette onto the ground and crushes it with the heel of his boot. He shoulders his backpack, stuffs his hands in his pockets, and takes a couple steps her way.

 

“Hey,” he says tentatively. “You okay?”

 

Carol startles so hard she accidentally hits her horn, and then startles again from the sound, hitting the back of her head against the back of her seat. She mutters, “Fucking hell,” while rubbing the base of her skull, and if Daryl weren't so shy and polite, he would have laughed, because that entire three seconds was the funniest thing he'd seen in weeks. She glances at Daryl through her open window, a little red in the cheeks and eyes.

 

“Daryl, right?” she asks, and he nods. “Yeah, I’m not having the best day.”

 

“Looks like,” Daryl agrees. “Truck not starting?”

 

“No,” she says. She opens her car door and hops down. She's a pretty little thing, with bouncy auburn hair, and she's still in her cheerleading outfit from practice earlier, which Daryl only knows the schedule of because he walks laps around the school grounds sometimes to put off going home, and he regularly sees members of the football team ogling the girls as they practice. Carol kicks her front tire in frustration. “Only matter of time she died on me. Of course she had to go and do it right before I have to get to work. My boss is gonna be so pissed if I'm late again.”

 

“Sounded to me like the battery's low. Pro'ly just needs a jump.” 

 

“You got any cables?”

 

“Nah, I rode my bike today,” he says. He chews on a cuticle and regards her for a moment. She looks completely lost and overwhelmed. He wonders why she's not calling any of her friends to help her out. Maybe they aren't the type of friends that do that sort of thing. From what he knows about them, he wouldn't be surprised. Very nervously, he tells her, “I ain't got anywhere I gotta be, if you need a ride.”

 

She furrows her brow at him. “I thought you said you rode your bike?”

 

“I did,” he says, and then, with a small laugh, he gets her confusion. “Motorcycle,” he explains. “Not bicycle.”

 

“Oh,” Carol says. She seems unsure. She reaches her hand down the front of her uniform and pulls out her phone. She checks the time, stuffs her phone back into her bra, and at Daryl's embarrassed expression, smiles, and says, “This damn thing doesn't have any pockets.”

 

“Mm,” he mumbles. She sighs, crossing her arms and looking over her useless vehicle in thought.

 

“What about my truck?” she asks.

 

“Where do you work at?”

 

“Rosemarie's Diner, just off of 5th and Adams,” she says. “You know it?”

 

“Yeah.” It's a pretty popular hangout place for people who aren't Daryl and actually have people to hang out with. “How late you work 'til?”

 

“Nine.”

 

“I could drop you off and then go get my daddy's pick-up. After you get off work we can come back here and I'll give you a jump; make sure you get home okay.” 

 

He doesn't look her in the eye as he makes his offer. This is undoubtedly the longest conversation he's had with any of his peers this year (probably this year and last year combined, more like), and he feels foolish, thinking he could be any use to someone like Carol.

 

“Oh you don't gotta do that,” Carol says. “That's such a hassle for you.”

 

Daryl shrugs. “I really don't mind,” he says. “I ain't got shit to do. I was just gonna do homework and pass out watching shit TV.” He doesn't add that he's more than okay with having a reason to spend less time at home, now that his daddy's back from his latest trucking job and has been making up for lost time with his favorite beer. Lots of it.

 

Carol bites her lip and bounces a little on the balls of her feet, conflicted. He decides to add,

 

“You ain't gotta tell nobody I helped you out. And god knows there's no one I'm gonna talk to.”

 

She looks up at him sharply then.

 

“What do you mean?” she asks, frowning.

 

“I just…” he falters. “I don't want your friends giving you shit for being around me. You're in a tight spot, I got the time, it ain't gotta be nothin’ but that, is all I'm sayin’.”

 

“Why would I give a damn if my friends gave me shit for being around you?” she asks, folding her arms tighter across her chest.

 

_ Why wouldn't you _ , he wants to ask, but instead he just shrugs again.

 

“Okay,” she says, suddenly resolute. “I'll accept your offer, on one condition.”

 

“What's that?”

 

“You stick around and do your homework at the diner and let me get you whatever you want on the house.”

 

“You don't gotta—” Daryl starts, but she holds up a hand.

 

“I know I don't, but I'm gonna. Deal?”

 

Daryl hesitates. He's not quite sure what to make of her. Doesn't she know that people from their school go to that diner, and undoubtedly people will have something to say if they see her and him together?

 

What if, he thinks with a slight twinge of wonder, she doesn't actually care?

 

“'Kay,” he says, and Carol beams.

 

“Awesome. This'll be fun. I've never ridden on a motorcycle before.”

 

—-

 

He’s not sure if he expected her to be afraid of the bike, per say, but he certainly didn’t expect her to be as thrilled by it as she seems to be. With her arms looped awkwardly around his bulky backpack, resting on the bit of his waist she can reach, he doesn’t think she’s stopped laughing since they pulled out onto the road.

 

“I love this,” he hears her yell in his ear, over the sound of the rumbling motor and rushing wind. He doesn’t say anything back, but he’s glad she’s enjoying herself. He loves it, too, riding. He loves how free it makes him feel, especially when his daddy’s home and he’s feeling caged as ever.

 

The ride isn’t that long, which Daryl is surprised to find he’s disappointed by. He’s never given someone a ride on his bike before, least of all someone like Carol, who is pretty, popular, and smells kind of like roses, which is a weird thing to smell like, and he figures it must be some kind of perfume. He drives up into the parking lot outside of the diner and parks the bike. Carol uses his shoulder for balance as she swings her leg over. She lifts his helmet he made her wear off of her head, and shakes her curls free, and she looks so hot doing it, he embarrassingly thinks she could be in some sort of shampoo commercial. The smile she gives him is all teeth.

 

“My legs are like jelly,” she says, beaming.

 

“That’ll go away in a minute,” Daryl assures her. 

 

“I wasn’t complaining,” she says. “That was awesome. I’m so jealous you get to drive that whenever you want.”

 

He almost tells her she’s welcome to ride with him again if she wants, before he remembers he absolutely cannot say something like that to her. Instead, he says, “You workin’ in that?” He nods at her cheer uniform.

 

“No, I got my work clothes in my bag,” she says with a laugh. “You comin’ in?” He’s still sitting on the bike, and hasn’t made any moves to change that.

 

“Thought I’d run home and grab the pick-up first,” he says. He knows it isn’t true, but he could swear Carol almost looks disappointed.

 

“You’re coming right back, though, right? You promised you’d stick around and let me dote on you for being my knight in shining armor.”

 

“Stop,” Daryl mutters, his face growing hot.

 

“Just teasin’,” Carol says. “I am grateful, though, so do come back soon, okay? I wanna make it up to you.” 

 

“‘Kay,” is all Daryl can think to say. Carol bites her lip in thought, and then slides her backpack off and rummages inside of it for something. She pulls out a notebook and a pen and thrusts it at him. He takes it with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Gimme your phone number,” she says. “So if you try and flake on me I can send you angry emojis.” 

 

Daryl’s contacts are his dad, his brother, his coworkers at the shop, and Rick Grimes, but that last one was just because they had a group project together Sophomore year and he never bothered to delete his number. He swallows as he scribbles his number down, feeling self-conscious about his sloppy scrawl. But she doesn’t seem to care when she takes the notebook back. She just rips the page out, shoves the rest of it back in her bag, and neatly folds the paper and stuffs it in her bra where he knows her phone is.

 

“I gotta go get changed,” she tells him.

 

“Aight.”

 

“You really are a lifesaver.”

 

“Ain’t nothin’.”

 

“It’s somethin’, at least to me.” She seems sincere and Daryl doesn’t know how to deal with sincerity, so he just nods with his eyes fixed on a piece of gravel on the ground. “I’ll see you soon?” 

 

“Yeah,” he mutters. She doesn’t make him say anything else. She accepts his response, and heads into the restaurant. Daryl sits there a minute, out of his element, wondering how his day brought him to this point. He pulls his cigarettes out of his jean pocket and lights one, letting the nicotine calm his nerves.

 

He jumps when his phone vibrates against his thigh in his opposite pocket. He’s so unused to it going off that he tends to forget it’s even there. He pulls it out as well, and can’t help but smile a little at the screen.

 

(4:51p) *You didn’t give me a fake number, did you?* 

 

(4:51p) -nah- he types back. Her reply comes back just a few seconds later.

 

(4:52p) *Good. Hurry back! :)* 

 

When Daryl peels out of the parking lot, his insides feel fluttery. Something akin to butterflies.


	2. Chapter 2

His house barely qualifies as that. A better word for it would be a shack. It's essentially one step above a trailer, but just as trashy. He goes up to the front door and turns the handle while kicking the bottom left corner and pushing on the middle—the only way it'll open. The second the door pops open—because it never opens gently—Daryl is hit with the familiar smell of stale cigarette smoke, chewing tobacco, and mold. Half the reason he rides his bike to school more often than not is because it airs out his clothes and keeps him from smelling like he slept in an ashtray.

 

His daddy is sat in his recliner, bare feet with yellowing toenails propped up, and a bottle of beer in his hand. The tv is playing some black and white movie, or at least Daryl thinks it's black and white, but the screen is so staticy it's hard to tell.

 

“I'm gonna take the pick-up for a while,” Daryl tells his father in lieu of a greeting. Daryl's dad looks over at him with glazed, bloodshot eyes.

 

“Are you now?”

 

“If that's okay.” Daryl is trying to assess his daddy's mood. He's been day drinking, and by mid-afternoon on days like this he's either playful, angry, or playfully angry.

 

“Mm,” Daryl's dad hums, taking a swig from his beer. “Whatchu need it for?”

 

“I got plans,” Daryl says, and flushes when his dad laughs.

 

“You ain't never had plans in your whole life,” he says. “So what're you really doin’? You dealin’? Picked up your brother's old clientele?”

 

“No,” Daryl says shortly. “Thought about it but didn't think I'd be able to pull off the orange prison jumpsuits.”

 

“You laugh, but at least your brother was makin’ good money 'til he got busted.”

 

He also gave you cuts of the profits  _ and _ the product, Daryl pointedly does not say.

 

“I make enough at the shop. Look, can I take the pick-up?”

 

“Watch your tone, boy. You still haven't said what you need it for.”

 

“I'm going to Rosemarie's Diner to do my homework and then I'm helpin’ this girl from my class jump her truck once she gets off work.”

 

“Oh, so you need it so you can go get yourself some pussy? Well shit, why didn't you say so?” His dad reaches into his pocket and chucks his keys at Daryl. They narrowly miss his head and clatter onto the floor. “It's about time you put some hair on that chest.”

 

“Ain't like that,” Daryl mutters, reaching down and scooping up the keys.

 

“Sure, you're just helpin’ some chick out of the goodness of your heart, right?”

 

“I'm helpin’ her 'cause she needs help.”

 

“Whatever you say. Bring back a pack of smokes when you come home.”

 

“Fine.” He turns to head out the way he came in.

 

“Oh, and Daryl?”

 

“Hm?” he asks, glancing over his shoulder in time to see his dad chuck something else at him. He flinches, and then looks down to see a condom lying on the floor at his feet. He bites his tongue as he rolls his eyes, and yanks open the sticking door. He leaves his house, his father's laughter following him from behind.

 

—-

 

Daryl immediately feels out of place and regrets everything as soon as he walks into the diner. It is clean, bright, and bustling, and he's tracking mud on the floor. (He doesn't even remember stepping in mud; it's like it just materializes on him.)

 

He's about to turn right back around on his heel, when he hears, “Daryl!” in a cheerful, excited way that nobody has ever said his name before. He looks up to see Carol skipping over to him. She's in her waitressing outfit, which is a retro 50s style, and her hair is pulled up into a high ponytail. She is very pretty and it makes it hard for Daryl to breathe properly, which is as perplexing as it is embarrassing, because he can't remember ever giving a damn if Carol, or anyone else for that matter, is pretty.

 

“Hi,” he says dumbly.

 

“You came back,” she says with a happy smile.

 

“Told you I would,” he says. “Plus you still need that jump.”

 

“Yeah, but you totally could have bailed and there's nothing I could have done about it, so I appreciate you being a man of your word.”

 

Daryl chews his bottom lip at her. He's not sure if he's supposed to sit, or order, or what. She seems to pick up on his hesitation, because she guides him by the elbow to a table near the entrance to the kitchen.

 

“This table is the one furthest away from all the others. I figure that's more your style. Unless you'd rather sit over there?” She nods over to a table where a bunch of frat boys from the nearby university are making fools of themselves, talking and laughing way too loud.

 

“I'm good,” Daryl mutters, and Carol laughs.

 

“Sit, then,” she says. He does as he's told, dropping his backpack beside him on the floor. “Now, what do you want to eat?” she asks.

 

“Uh.” He is so uncomfortable by the idea of her paying for his food that he has effectively forgotten every food that's ever existed.

 

“You're quite the talker, ain't 'cha?” she says, shaking her head. “You like burgers?”

 

“Sure,” he says, relieved she's giving him guidance. He  _ does _ like burgers, although she probably could have asked him if he wanted a slice of brussel sprout pie and he would have said yes out of sheer awkwardness.

 

“Cheese?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“The works?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Fries?”

 

“Mhm.”

 

“Want a Coke?”

 

“That's fine.”

 

“Do you actually want a Coke or are you just saying that because you don't want to say what you actually want?”

 

“Coke is fine.”

 

“I’m gonna bring you an Oreo milkshake.”

 

“You don't gotta.”

 

“Yeah, but I'm going to. Okay, I got other tables. I'll be back with your food in a bit. Study hard!” 

 

He watches her bounce away. She's so friendly with him and he doesn't understand it. All he did was give her a ride to work. Was the debt so big to her that she thought she had to be nice to him to repay it? He would have settled for a simple 'thank you.’ He's not used to this.

 

He pulls out his book for English class. They're doing a unit on gothic literature, and he's supposed to read fifty pages of  _ Frankenstein _ this week and he's read six. It's not that he doesn't like reading—no one would believe him if he said it, but he actually reads for pleasure quite a bit—but he's terrible at essays, (like, abysmal), and reading books he knows he's going to end up having to write about makes him anxious, so he procrastinates. 

 

His father is the town drunk, and his brother dropped out at sixteen, so no one looks at Daryl and thinks he's smart and well-educated, but he's actually not a terrible student. Sure, he just barely scrapes by in English, but everything else he's decent at. He can do math just fine, he's got a solid B in biology, and he always passes history with flying colors. He's got a mind for remembering small details, plus it's interesting. 

 

But fuck writing, he thinks, and fuck reading this book by extension, even though it may be a perfectly entertaining story. He absolutely refuses, however, to be asked a question in class and not know the answer. He can safely say he's never voluntarily offered up the answer to a teacher's question in class as far back as he can remember, which means the only times he speaks is when a teacher tries to catch him unawares. The only thing worse than speaking in class, is speaking in class and being  _ wrong _ , so he does his homework religiously, because he never knows when he might be forced to prove he knows the material.

 

He cracks the book open to where he left off. He’s a slow reader, so by the time Carol comes back with a tray in her hands he’s only gotten through a couple pages. 

 

“Ugh, I haven’t even started that yet,” Carol says at the sight of the novel, taking Daryl’s food from the tray and sitting it down in front of him. He feels uncomfortable letting her serve him, and has to remind himself that she is, quite literally, a server. “I’ve been so busy. What’s happened in it so far? Is it any good?”

 

“Uhh,” Daryl says, flipping through the pages absently. “It starts with a bunch of letters this guy on a boat named Walton is sending his sister. Part I just read, Walton’s pulled some guy out of the water. Don’t know what that’s about yet.” 

 

“So no bolts of lightning jolting a monster to life yet?” 

 

Daryl lets the corner of his lip quirk up, and mutters, “Not so far.” 

 

“Is it better than  _ Lord of the Flies _ at least?”

 

Daryl frowns. “I liked that one.” 

 

“Really? I thought it was gruesome. I bet you anything, if that island had been full of girls instead of boys, none of that would have happened.”

 

Daryl huffs a tiny breath out his nose. “Pro’ly,” he agrees.

 

“Honestly, I think you got that book better than half the class. I felt so bad for Mrs. Kelley, having to teach that book to a bunch of stupid teenage boys.”

 

“I didn’t know it no better than they did,” Daryl says, wondering how she figures he was any good at English class.

 

“No, you did, I remember. Mrs. Kelley called on Shane and asked him what he thought Simon’s character was supposed to symbolize, and he said, ‘Being a pussy,’ and then high-fived Rick, who knows better but high-fived him back anyway, probably because he was trying to impress Lori.”

 

“Why would that impress Lori?” Daryl interrupts.

 

“It wouldn’t,” Carol says flatly. “But anyway, then she asked you the same question, and you looked at her like a deer in the headlights for like, three solid seconds, before finally saying something about how you thought Simon was supposed to represent Jesus, and basically saved Mrs. Kelley’s faith in humanity.”

 

“Why do you remember that?” Daryl asks, averting his eyes and turning red.

 

“Because I thought it was a really smart answer,” she says. “That, and I very explicitly remember you saying, ‘he had that halo and shit when he died, I mean, sorry, not shit, but like, you know, stuff, or whatever,’ and it was very funny.” 

 

“Yeah, that’s why I don’t talk in class,” Daryl mumbles, picking up a fry and pushing other fries around with it on his plate. 

 

“I meant funny in an endearing way,” Carol says. “Trust me, you sounded a lot smarter than Shane.” 

 

Daryl has never been told he was better than Shane Walsh—varsity football player and just general player, Shane Walsh—in any capacity by anyone ever. It gives him a weird, convoluted feeling in his belly, which he thinks may be the vaguest hint of confidence. Carol Miller not only thinks he’s smarter than Shane Walsh, but also remembers something he said in class over a month ago, when frankly, he was surprised she even remembered his name.

 

“Hey hot stuff!” one of the frat boys from over at the crowded table yells over to Carol then. “We gonna get some service over here or what?” 

 

“One sec,” Carol calls over to them. She turns back to Daryl and rolls her eyes. “I changed my name to ‘hot stuff’ while you were off getting your pick-up truck.”

 

“Know it's weird our names rhyme, but I didn't expect you to go and change it,” he says, completely deadpan, and Carol barks a laugh.

 

“I knew you had a sense of humor buried in there somewhere,” she says. “I do gotta get back to work, though. You alright for now?”

 

“I’m fine.” Daryl glances at the frat boys, who have now taken to whistling at Carol. “You gonna be okay? With them, I mean. They gonna give you trouble?”   
  


“Oh you’re sweet,” Carol says, tucking her tray under her arm. “They’ll be a pain in my ass, but I’ll be fine, don’t you worry.” 

 

Daryl suspects he will anyway, but nods all the same. He watches her as she goes to take the boys’ orders. The one closest to her leans back and pinches her on her rear end. Daryl bristles, and is about to jump out of his seat to yell at them, when she smacks the guy’s hand with the tray, and he hears her say something to the effect of, “That’s explicitly  _ not _ on the menu, so you can keep your hands to yourself, thank you very much,” and Daryl settles down a little. She can handle herself.

 

She rolls her eyes again when she walks past him to go into the kitchen, and disappears through the door. Daryl casts a scowl over at the frat boy table that goes unseen, before turning back to his book. He’s barely two sentences in when his phone vibrates in his pocket, making him jump. He pulls it out and reads the text:

 

(6:37p) *Did you see that?*

 

(6:37p) -yeah-

 

(6:38p) *I didn’t mean it literally when I said they’d be a pain in my ass! >:(*

 

(6:39p) -theyre assholes-

 

(6:42p) *Sure are. Watch this, though.*

 

Daryl frowns at his phone, and a second later, Carol emerges from the kitchen, her tray this time full of desserts. She smiles wickedly at him and heads back over to the table. He watches her sit the desserts down one-by-one, until the only one left is a giant milkshake for the ass-pincher. She puts it down, and, in a way that could be seen as accidental if one didn’t know any better, knocks it over with the back of her hand. A flood of ice cream, whipped topping, and chocolate sauce pours directly onto the ass-pincher’s lap. 

 

“Stupid bitch!” he says, jumping up, making the mess on the crotch of his jeans drip down his pant legs. 

 

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” Carol says, sounding all high-pitched and frightened. “Let me go get you a couple more napkins.”

 

She winks at Daryl on her way back, and he suppresses a grin. Another text comes a minute later.

 

(6:47p) *I may have to clean up the floor, but at least that asshole has to sit in sticky pants until he gets home. Worth it.*

 

Daryl actually laughs. He can’t remember the last time he did. It feels good.

 

—-

 

“They ain't even tip you?” Daryl asks. It's ten past nine. It's officially two weeks into October, and the sun has been setting earlier and earlier, and so by the time they've piled into Daryl's pick-up and pulled onto the road, the sun has long since set.

 

Daryl had been nervous. When he'd given Carol a ride earlier it had been on his motorcycle where conversation was virtually impossible, but the pick-up doesn't have that luxury. Much to his surprise, however, Carol is an easy conversationalist, largely because she does most of the talking and doesn't seem off-put by Daryl's lack of words.

 

“No, though one of them did say on the way out that they'd be 'more than willing to give me a tip, or the whole thing if I wanted.’ I told him I'd rather just have money, and he just said it was my loss and left.”

 

“Creeps.”

 

“That's nothing. I've got stories for days about the guys that eat at that place. On my birthday this year, my coworker said something like, ‘Only one more year before your big 18th,’ and this old guy, who was a regular there, overheard and thought it prudent to tell me that he was looking forward to me becoming legal.”

 

“Great,” Daryl deadpans.

 

“Yeah, my other job is way better.”

 

“Other job? You mean you got two jobs and school  _ and _ cheerleadin’?” Daryl asks, shooting her a bemused look out of the corner of his eye. “Don't you ever sleep?” She shrugs.

 

“I need the money,” she says, and Daryl thinks she might be blushing, but it's hard to tell in the dark. “My other job is easy, though, I shelve books at the public library. I can only squeeze in a couple hours a week there, though. I hate waitressing, but you can't beat the tips. When I get them, I mean.”

 

To the best of Daryl's knowledge, everyone who runs in Carol's social circle is middle class minimum, and up until now he's never had reason to suspect Carol was any different, but between the two jobs and the beater truck, he's thinking she might not be quite as well-to-do as she appears.

 

He decides that's none of his business, though, so he keeps this reassessment to himself.

 

Not long later, they are back in the school parking lot, where Carol's truck is still sitting there, looking pathetic and alone. Daryl parks so that his front end is facing hers, and digs out his jumper cables from the mess of insundry items in the backseat.

 

“Can you go pop your hood?” he asks. She nods and goes out the passenger side. While she's doing that, Daryl turns off his engine, pops his own hood, and connects the wires to his battery. This is the most comfortable he's felt with her this whole evening. He works at a car shop on the outskirts of town, so he's in his element as he mirrors the action on Carol's battery.

 

“You know how this works?” he asks.

 

“Yeah, you start yours, and hopefully it'll start mine.”

 

“Mhm. Go ahead and get behind the wheel, but don't try and start it yet, aight?” She nods and does as she's told. Daryl switches his pick-up back on, and then goes to stand by Carol's open driver's side door. “We'll give it a minute to charge before we try it.”

 

They both listen to the loud, running engine for a minute or so, before Daryl gives her the go ahead with a slight head nod. She turns her key and the engine sounds close, but doesn't quite turn over. 

 

“Try again,” he says. She does, and this time her truck springs to life. She gives a delighted 'oh!’ sound, and beams at Daryl, who finds himself smiling back.

 

“Thank you so much,” she says, but Daryl doesn't hear her. He's distracted, staring at Carol's dashboard over her steering wheel.

 

“Carol?” he asks.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Is that...Did you put a smiley face sticker over your check engine light?”

 

“Um,” Carol says, glancing over at the little, happy, strategically placed sticker. “Yes, I did.”

 

“Mkay. Why'd'ja do that?”

 

“It was nicer to look at?” she says sheepishly.

 

“But have you taken it in to see why the light's on?”

 

“No, see, I don't need to. The light is happy now so there's no problem,” she says. Daryl squints at her. Without saying a word, he steps over to her open hood and begins examining it.

 

“Was your last oil change at the turn of the century?” he asks, pulling out the dipstick, which is covered in pitch black oil.

 

“There's a very good explanation for why the oil hasn't been changed,” she says. Daryl looks at her expectantly. “It's because I haven't changed it.”

 

“Uh huh,” he mutters, pulling his phone out of his pocket and switching on his flashlight. He gets down on his knees and peers under the vehicle. There's a decent sized stain on the concrete where fluid has clearly been leaking onto it. “You know you're leaking radiator fluid?” he asks, standing back up and brushing bits of gravel off his pants.

 

“Yeah, I got that covered, it's why I carry this,” she says brightly, reaching over on the floor of her passenger seat and holding up a gallon jug of water. “I just pour some of this in whenever the thing goes into the red part.” She points at the temperature gauge. Daryl pinches the bridge of his nose.

 

“What else?” he asks. She shrugs.

 

“I mean, sometimes the brakes make a screeching noise, but if I play the radio loud enough I hardly ever notice.”

 

Daryl has a minor aneurysm.

 

“Your truck is a piece of shit and it is going to kill you,” he says. 

 

“Hey! Don't say that about Sophia,” she says, affronted. She strokes her steering wheel and mutters, “He didn't mean it, sweetheart.”

 

“You named your truck Sophia?” 

 

“Well, she didn't look like a Judith,” Carol reasons. Daryl blinks.

 

“Sophia has one foot in the grave, and I almost don't want to let you drive this thing home. You're almost out of gas, anyway,” he says, noting the needle on her gas gauge hovering just above E.

 

“Oh, no I'm not, I just put in $20 worth. The gauge got stuck like that like, a year ago.”

 

“Jesus Christ, Carol.”

 

“It's fine,” she says with a dismissive hand wave. “I got to school okay.”

 

“And then got stranded.”

 

“But you fixed that, so everything is peachy,” Carol insists.

 

“Let me at least follow behind you in case you get stranded.”

 

“No,” Carol says a little bit too quickly, and Daryl immediately feels stupid. Of course she doesn't want some stranger, not to mention a Dixon, following her home. But she then amends, saying, “Not 'cause I think you're a creep. It's just, kind of a long drive, and you've already done way too much for me today.” Daryl isn't quite convinced that's the real reason, but he lets it slide.

 

“How long a drive?”

 

“Forty five minutes, give or take?”

 

“Are you tryna give me a heart attack, or what?”

 

“Daryl, I make the drive every day. Besides, the truck starts shaking uncontrollably every time I go above 40 miles per hour, so if I crash or something, at least I won't be going very fast.”

 

“That thing is a death trap.”

 

“Be nice to her, she's sensitive.”

 

“You're ridiculous. Fine, but will you at least text me when you're home so I know you're not stranded in the dark somewheres?”

 

“Aw, you're worried about me?” Carol says, and Daryl sighs.

 

“In that thing? Yeah, I am. Also, I work at a car shop. I want you to bring this thing in and let me give it an actual look-over.”

 

“Daryl, I can't…” She sounds embarrassed. “I can't afford that right now.” She says it in a rush, like she's ashamed. Maybe she really isn't well-to-do, but why should that matter to Daryl? He's so far below the poverty line that buying name brand ketchup seems like a luxury.

 

“I'll run a diagnostic for free, and then we can go from there. I can do labor on the house, and usually can get cheap parts. First we gotta see if thing even has anything worth salvaging, though.” He eyes the truck as though it had just said rude things about his mother.

 

“Daryl, I can't ask you to do that.”

 

“You didn't, I offered.” He suddenly realizes he's just made future plans with her, when their transaction was supposed to be over with the jumper cables. He'd been so preoccupied by how horrifyingly fucked up Carol's truck is that he forgot to be reserved and socially incompetent. All at once, he remembers he's awkward and unpopular, and adds as a caveat, “If anyone asks, just tell ‘em my shop offered a good deal, and I just happened to work there. People don't gotta know we been talking.”

 

Carol squints at him.

 

“That's the second time you've said something like that. Why?” she asks.

 

“I mean, you're…” He searches for the word. “Carol.” 

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“You're... you've got...I know your friends wouldn't exactly take kindly to you bein’ around a Dixon, and it ain't my intention to cause you any unwarranted bullshit.”

 

“You're not 'a Dixon,’” Carol says, using air quotes. “You're Daryl, a sweet guy who helped me out when he had no obligation to. We don't really know each other, but you haven't given me any reason to think you're anything less than a perfectly decent man, and I hope I haven't made you think I'm some shallow bitch.”

 

“I don't think you're that,” Daryl mutters, trying to make sense of her words but they're not computing.

 

“And I don't think you're someone to be ashamed of. In fact, I'm kind of disappointed I never got the opportunity to know you before now. We've been going to the same schools since we were kids. Figures it'd be senior year before I realized how cool you are.”

 

Yeah, he has no clue how to process that. That's gonna have to go on the back burner for now.

 

“You should... don't want you to waste gas, you should go. Lemme know you got home safe,” Daryl says, avoiding her eyes and quickly undoing the jumper cables. He hands them to her.

 

“These are yours,” she says, confused.

 

“No, they're yours. You're not getting stranded again with no jumper cables. Don't argue about it, I got a million of 'em.”

 

“Okay. Thank you.”

 

“Yeah,” he says, wanting to get away. “Just...text me, ok?”

 

“I will. And I'll message you about coming into the shop.”

 

“Yeah, good,” Daryl mumbles. “I'm gonna...I'll see you around.”

 

He barely hears her baffled goodbye before he all but throws himself into his truck and drives away.


	3. Chapter 3

His father is thankfully passed out and snoring loudly in his recliner when Daryl gets home. He doesn't bother being quiet—when his daddy's good and drunk it'd take a foghorn to wake him. So Daryl kicks off his boots, goes to the fridge to grab himself a soda, and heads to his room.

 

His room is a one step above a closet. He's managed to squeeze in a twin bed, a dresser, and a small bookcase, and there's not a whole lot of space left to move around. He's got nothing on his walls except a single, bent photo of his mom, scotch taped to the drywall.

 

In the dark, he peels off his socks, tosses them on the floor, and crawls into bed with his copy of _Frankenstein_. He flicks on his lamp and picks up where he left off, still only about ten pages in. He sits his phone beside him, and pointedly denies to himself that he's anxious for her to message him.

 

So when his phone does go off, it's embarrassing how quickly it's in his hand.

 

(10:42p) *I made it back safe and sound. Told you my girl would get me home!*

 

(10:42p) -good. u still shdnt drive it-

 

He can't even be bothered with being ashamed of replying so instantaneously. His stomach flutters a little when her reply comes just as fast.

 

(10:43p) *Maybe, but they haven't invented teleportation yet, so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯*

 

(10:44p) -the fuck is that thing?-

 

(10:44p) *You've never seen a shrug emoji before? It's my favorite, it's so expressive.*

 

(10:45p) -right-

 

(10:46p) *Don't judge!*

 

(10:46p) *Anyway, thank you again for everything. You saved my ass.*

 

(10:47p) -no problem-

 

Daryl stares at his phone for a few minutes, and hates himself for the disappointment he feels when she doesn't text back. He's not sure what else there is to say, but he finds that he wants her to say something anyway. Texting grants him a freedom he's not used to. Talking face-to-face is just anxiety inducing and he never knows what to say. He can actually hold a conversation via text, because he's allowed to take the time to formulate his words, and there's a part of him that wants her to keep texting him so he can show her there's more to him than the silence he employs in person.

 

“Grow a pair,” he mutters to himself, and he sits his phone over on his dresser so he can't stare at it. He starts to read again, and he's just getting into it when his phone vibrates against the oak of the dresser. He flips the book upside down, saving his place, and reaches for his phone casually, because he wants to practically throw himself at it and he refuses to indulge in that impulse.

 

(11:07p) *Are you reading Frankenstein?*

 

(11:08p) -yeah-

 

(11:09p) *What do these letters have to do with a monster?*

 

(11:09p) -makes sense later-

 

(11:11p) *11:11 make a wish.*

 

(11:11p) -?-

 

(11:11p) *Make a wish!*

 

(11:11p) -y?-

 

(11:12p) *Smh, you missed it. You're supposed to wish on 11:11.*

 

(11:12p) -idgi-

 

(11:13p) *You're thinking too hard about it. Just make a wish next time.*

 

(11:14p) -if u say so-

 

(11:18p) *Gdi, I really need to read this book but I keep zoning out and reading the same sentence over and over.*

 

(11:19p) -u tired?-

 

(11:20p) *I mean, always.*

 

(11:21p) -its not due until fri. u cud read it tomorrow-

 

(11:23p) *Yeah, except I have cheer and then work until close tomorrow, and I also have a French test Friday that I need to study for.*

 

(11:24p) -gotta slp eventually-

 

(11:27p) *Do I though?*

 

(11:28p) -yes-

 

(11:28p) *:(*

 

(11:30p) *Am I keeping you up?*

 

(11:31p) -nah. just readin-

 

(11:33p) *Does it get more interesting? Bc I'm kind of bored.*

 

(11:35p) -idk its ok-

 

(11:36p) *Maybe I should give up and just study for French instead, even though I'm super fucked for it anyway.*

 

(11:39p) -y r u fucked?-

 

(11:40p) *Bc I am rly rly rly bad at French.*

 

(11:45p) -do u need help?-

 

(11:45p) -if u dont thats ok-

 

(11:47p) *Are you good at French??*

 

(11:48p) -sorta-

 

(11:49p) *I would never guess that in a million years.*

 

(11:50p) *That sounds rude. Not bc you're not smart or something. It's just...you barely say anything in English...*

 

(11:51p) -i get it. im not good at speaking it at all but i can understand it ok and kno the vocab-

 

(11:52p) *Are you taking French for your language credit then?*

 

(11:52p) -ya-

 

(11:53p) *You're not in French 2 with me, what level are you??*

 

(11:54p) -they bumped me up to french 4. i hate it. theres a speaking presentation at the end of the yr worth 40% of our grade-

 

(11:55p) *French 4?? How are you so good at French when it’s the hardest language ever spoken on planet earth?*

 

(11:58p) -i picked up a lot as a kid. my mom was from new orleans and spoke french when she was drunk lol-

 

(12:04a) -sry, tmi?-

 

(12:05a) *No! Sorry, I'm starting to fall asleep, which is not good bc I still have a shitton to do.*

 

(12:06a)  -go to slp anyway-

 

(12:06a) *Uggghhh.*

 

(12:07a) *If I tell you what my test is over will you text me random French words tomorrow to quiz me?*

 

(12:08a) -lol ok. if u go to slp tho-

 

(12:08a) *Ok fine.*

 

(12:09a) *Goodnight Daryl*

 

(12:09a) *Thank you again. So much. Truly.*

 

(12:10a) -np-

 

(12:10a) -gnite-

 

Daryl himself doesn't fall asleep for another hour, but he doesn't get any more read in his book. He scrolls up and down the text thread over and over, and wonders if this is what it's like to have a friend.

 

—-

 

Daryl is the type of person people tend to gloss over and forget he's there, which is to say, he overhears a lot of personal conversations because no one ever thinks he's listening.

 

He has heard so many of his classmates go on and on and on about how they 'don't want to text so-and-so first,’ and, 'how long should I wait to reply?’ and he always thought it was stupid. If you want to text someone, just text them. Who cares if you're the one messaging first? That's what he'd think to himself whenever his peers bemoaned their texting drama.

 

All morning and all the way to school, Daryl's phone burns a hole in his pocket, while his hand itches to reach for it and his brain actively fights against it.

 

He gets it now.

 

What if he texts her and she doesn't reply? What if he texts her and she _does_ reply, but only because she feels like she has to? What if he read too much into their conversation last night and she actually doesn't want him to help her with her test or her car? What if what if what if…

 

Helping Carol jump her truck yesterday may have been the worst idea he'd ever had, he thinks, as he parks his motorcycle and shakes his shaggy hair free from his helmet, letting it fall in his eyes and not bothering to push it away.

 

Against his thigh, his phone vibrates. And then vibrates again. And a third time. And a fourth time for good measure. He yanks it out of his pocket, and then glances around sheepishly, hoping no one is paying attention to how desperately he's clutching his phone. Thankfully, nobody is ever paying attention to him. He checks his messages.

 

(7:44a) *Good morning. Two things:*

 

(7:44a) *1: Sophia got me to school just fine, and she told me to tell you to suck it.*

 

(7:45a) *2: My test is over adjectives. Colors and emotions and other descriptions, idk. I can't remember the vocabulary to save my life, let alone grammar, aidez-moi, s'il vous plaît !!!*

 

(7:45a) *(I had to look up how to say that. Istg I'm useless.)*

 

(7:46a) -did the truck start ok?-

 

(7:47a) *Use her name, Daryl.*

 

(7:47a) -...-

 

(7:47a) -did sophia start ok?-

 

(7:48a) *If by “okay” you mean “it took a couple tries and also I had to pour water into the radiator” then yes, she is fine.*

 

(7:49a) -ton voiture va te tuer-

 

(7:52a) *I had to look that up, and no she won't, she treats me like a queen.*

 

(7:52a) -she stranded u yesterday-

 

(7:53a) *Stop living in the past, Daryl. I have to get to class, but text me random words and I'll try to translate them*

 

(7:54a) -u cant use google-

 

(7:54a) *>:(*

 

(7:54a) *Fine. See you later.*

 

(7:55a) -bye-

 

Daryl spends so long standing in the parking lot texting her that he ends up being three minutes late for US History. It's worth it.

 

Helping Carol jump her truck yesterday may have been the best idea he'd ever had.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

(8:32a) -rouge-

 

(8:39a) *Red*

 

(8:45a) -noir-

 

(8:47a) *Black*

 

(8:56a) -marron-

 

(8:57a) *Purple, also why do you always sit in the way back, there's a seat up here.*

 

(8:58a) -bc shes less likely to call on me-

 

(8:58a) -also that was wrong-

 

(8:59a) *It was? Damnit. Brown?*

 

(8:59a) -yes-

 

(9:14a) *Everything out of Shane's mouth is so stupid.*

 

(9:14a) *How do you say “Shane is a dumbass” in French?*

 

(9:18a) -idk, shane est un con?-

 

(9:17a) -my mom said that to my dad a lot. idk what it means exactly-

 

(9:20a) *Google translate says it means cunt.”

 

(9:21a) -there u go-

 

(9:21a) -jeune-

 

(9:23a) *Yellow-

 

(9:25a) -no thats jaune-

 

(9:26a) *You tricked me, we were doing colors. Young.*

 

(9:35a) -that was wrong. not u. what rick just said-

 

(9:37a) *About Mary Shelley being inspired to write Frankenstein by Lord Byron's work?*

 

(9:37a) -yeah-

 

(9:38a) -she wrote it on a bet with lord byron to see who cud write the most scary story-

 

(9:40a) *How do you know that?*

 

(9:41a) -bc i read the forward of the book-

 

(9:41a) *No one reads the forward.*

 

(9:43a) -i dont want to get called on and not know something-

 

(9:46a) *So you're a good student entirely bc of anxiety?*

 

(9:47a) -ig?-

 

(9:48a) *Lmao. You're cute.*

 

(9:53a) -stop-

 

(9:54a) *You left so fast. What class do you have next?*

 

(9:55a) -math-

 

(9:56a) *I have math right before lunch so no one pays attention at all.*

 

(9:58a) *Want to sit with us at lunch?*

 

(10:51a) -sry, cudnt text in that class-

 

(10:52a) *That's okay.*

 

(10:53a) -gentil-

 

(10:53a) *Gentle. You didn't answer the question.*

 

(10:54a) -nice not gentle-

 

(10:55a) *Gdi.*

 

(10:56a) *It's ok if you don't want to.*

 

(10:58a) -idk-

 

(10:59a) *Is it bc you think my friends don't like you?*

 

(11:02a) -i kno they dont-

 

(11:05a) *Some of the people who hang around us can be jerks, but mostly they're alright, and I won't let them give you shit.*

 

(11:09a) *Ok, how about you don't sit with us today, but at least think about it for the future?*

 

(11:10a) -ok-

 

(11:11a) *11:11 make a wish!*

 

(11:11a) -isdgi-

 

(11:12a) *Ooooomg, just make a wish next time.*

 

(11:15a) -lol ok-

 

(11:19a) *I'm in physics and it is very boring, send me more French.*

 

(11:23a) -oh yeah-

 

(11:27a) -drôle-

 

(11:27a) -that took me 4evr to figure out how to do that thing with the o-

 

(11:29a) *It's unfortunate you put so much effort into typing it bc I have no clue what it means.*

 

(11:32a) -it means funny-

 

(11:34a) *I knew that.*

 

(11:36a) -did u?-

 

(11:40a) *...No.*

 

(11:42a) -lol-

 

(11:44a) -im in french rn. u wud hate it-

 

(11:45a) -i hate it tbh. she's talking about our speaking presentations-

 

(11:48a) *At least you know the material?*

 

(11:51a) -u dont get it. i am SO bad at speaking french and even worse at presentations-

 

(12:01p) *Are you afraid of public speaking? Also where do you go for lunch? I don't think I've ever seen you in the cafeteria.*

 

(12:05p) -id rather cut off my own hand then talk in front of ppl-

 

(12:06p) -i go sit under that tree by the parking lot-

 

(12:11p) *What about when it's cold?*

 

(12:13p) -i wear a jacket-

 

(12:17p) *Lol, smartass.*

 

(12:19p) *Everyone is asking who I'm texting so much*

 

(12:22p) -did u tell them?-

 

(12:25p) *I haven't.*

 

(12:26p) *Not bc I don't want them to know. I wasn't sure if you wanted them to know. You seem kind of private.*

 

(12:30p) -idk-

 

(12:32p) *That doesn't rly help.*

 

(12:35p) *“Carol probably signed up to do cyber sexting for money and that's why she doesn't want to tell us.” Great theory Shane, but no.*

 

(12:38p) -what a douche-

 

(12:39p) -u can tell them if u want-

 

(12:39p) -dont tell shane i called him a douche-

 

(12:40p) -or do, idrc-

 

(12:45p) *I told them. Not about the douche part.*

 

(12:45p) *Rick's surprised bc ig you guys had a project together once and he says you got together in the library and exchanged like, five words.*

 

(12:46p) *Michonne says she's jealous.*

 

(12:47p) -jealous?-

 

(12:48p) *How'd you get Reclusive Daryl to talk to you??”

 

(12:48p) *Come to think of it, how did I get you to talk to me?*

 

(12:51p) -we're texting not talking-

 

(12:53p) *It's pretty darn close.*

 

(12:53p) *Do you text a lot of people? Is that your secret, you only communicate through technology?*

 

(12:58p) -no-

 

(12:59p) -this is the longest conversation ive had with anyone for idk years probably-

 

(1:36p) -sry ig that's kind of weird-

 

(1:38p) -ur just easy to talk to ig-

 

(1:39p) -idk. i can stop-

 

(1:51p) *Omg Daryl, calm down.*

 

(1:52p) *My history teacher took my phone once and read the messages out loud so I avoid texting in his class.*

 

(1:54p) -oh-

 

(1:55p) *I like talking to you, dw. If I didn't, trust me, you would know. I've ghosted many.*

 

(1:56p) -ok-

 

(1:57p) -what msgs did he read when he took ur phone that time?-

 

(1:58p) *It was a convo where I was texting Lori to see if she had a spare tampon.-

 

(1:59p) *I think he was more embarrassed than I was.*

 

(2:00p) -omg-

 

(2:01p) *I needed a tampon. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯*

 

(2:02p) -that thing is still weird-

 

(2:04p) *¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯*

 

(2:05p) -lol fuck off-

 

(2:07p) *I'm in the dreaded French class.*

 

(2:10p) -u shud pay attention-

 

(2:14p) *Yeah, but…I don't want to?*

 

(2:16p) -u gotta. sides, im in shop and cant text or im gonna cut a finger off with the power saw-

 

(2:17p) *Nooo, don't leave me alone with this horrible class.*

 

(2:36p) -¯\\_(ツ)_/¯-

 

(2:37p) *............*

 

(2:37p) *Touche.*

 

(2:51p) -u survive?-

 

(2:53p) *It was touch and go there for a while, but I made it through.*

 

(2:58p) -lol thats good-

 

(2:59p) -u got cheer now?-

 

(3:02p) *Yeah, at 4, but I'm sitting in the locker room trying to decide if I should skip. It would make me feel like trash but I really need to study and read before tomorrow. Plus I have math homework and a history take home quiz, ofc.*

 

(3:03p) *We're not rly doing anything important, just getting ready for the game tomorrow night, and it's all normal routine shit anyway.*

 

(3:04p) *(I'm trying to justify it to myself.)*

 

(3:06p) -u work until close right?-

 

(3:07p) *Ugh, yeah. I won't get home until almost 11.*

 

(3:09p) -do u ever slp?-

 

(3:10p) *Tbh I was figuring I'd pull an all-nighter.*

 

(3:12p) -but u have the game tmrrw?-

 

(3:13p) *And practice beforehand, yes.*

 

(3:14p) - :/ -

 

(3:14p) -skip cheer-

 

(3:16p) *Uggggghhh*

 

(3:17p) *But responsibility.*

 

(3:18p) -u will die-

 

(3:19p) *I'll just drink a lot of coffee.*

 

(3:21p) -no-

 

(3:24p) *What about you? What do you do after school?*

 

(3:26p) -im off work until tomorrow so nothing. i'll prob just hang around the school grounds until i get bored enuf to go home-

 

(3:28p) *Why do you hang around the school? That's why you were around yesterday, wasn't it?*

 

(3:31p) -idk-

 

(3:32p) -sometimes i just don't wanna go home. its nbd-

 

(3:36p) *How about…*

 

(3:36p) *I skip cheer and come hang out with you and you can help me study for French?*

 

(3:38p) *If you want, I mean. If it's like, your alone time that's totally cool.*

 

(3:40p) -ok-

 

(3:41p) *Ok?*

 

(3:41p) -yeah-

 

(3:43p) -btw want me to just tell u what happens in the book so u dont have to read it?-

 

(3:46p) *Don't tempt me.*

 

(3:47p) *I texted Andrea and told her I had to miss practice, so I'm free until I work at 6. Where are you?*

 

(3:48p) -tree-

 

(3:49p) *Same as yesterday?*

 

(3:49p) -mhm-

 

(3:50p) *Be there in a sec.*

 

\---

 

What the fuck?

 

That's basically been Daryl's mantra throughout the entire day. “What the fuck, she's texting me?” “What the fuck, she wants me to sit with her and her friends?” “What the fuck, she's _still_ texting me?”

 

Daryl has never had a more perplexing day of school in his life, and that includes that one time that theater kid Ezekiel did a dramatic Shakespeare monologue in the hallway unprompted.

 

He's back under his favorite tree, chain smoking cigarettes with his phone glued to his hand. This sort of thing doesn't happen to him. ‘This’ meaning social interaction with a peer with no form of coercion from either party. And he certainly has never spent the whole day hiding his phone from his teachers while he typed out replies. His battery is low, when usually it only ever dies when he forgets to charge it for a few days. For what is maybe the first time, Daryl feels like a normal teenager. It may be fleeting, but the wonder of it is not to be understated. But with it comes a vulnerability he isn't fond of.

 

What if she suddenly stops talking to him?

 

It's been so much so fast, and he doubts she has any clue of the significance this past twenty four hours has had, and how easily she can take it away. Not that he would blame her. Not that he doesn't expect it. But somewhere in his guarded and barricaded heart, he knows that he's been lonely, and today's the first day he hasn't felt that way, as far back as he can remember.

 

That's kind of heavy to put on the shoulders of someone who's still effectively a stranger, he knows. Hell, it'd be foolish of her not to run, but damnit if he doesn't hope she won't.

 

“Those will kill you, you know.”

 

Daryl looks up from his spot beneath the tree, cigarette dangling from his mouth while he sort of chews on the filter. Carol is smirking down at him, her hair pinned back in a half-ponytail and bags under her eyes.

 

“Sorry,” he mutters, taking it between two fingers. He's about to put it out when she says,

 

“It's fine a long as you let me bum one off of you.”

 

He squints at her as he processes her request. He pulls his pack out of his pocket and hands it to her, almost in slow motion, as though afraid he misheard her and she's going to be offended. She's not, though. She pulls a cigarette from the pack, takes out the lighter he has tucked away in the clear wrapper around it, and lights it.

 

“Don't tell anyone,” she says with an exhale of smoke. She tosses him his cigarettes at him. He's too busy contemplating her to catch them, so they land in his lap and he leaves them there.

 

“I won't,” he says. Pretty little Carol pulls on her cigarette until the cherry turns red, and breathes out on a sigh that has ten tons of tension riding on it. “You okay?” he asks. She blinks at him.

 

“I'm fine. Why?”

 

“Dunno,” Daryl says with a shrug. “Seem stressed.”

 

Carol lets out a humorless laugh as she ashes her cigarette. She does it so daintily, her fingers thin and delicate, and her nails painted a navy blue.

 

“I'm always stressed, Daryl.” The way she says his name with such casual familiarity makes him flush. “It's fine, though, I'm fine.”

 

That sounds like something someone who isn't fine would say, though Daryl keeps this to himself.

 

“You need help with anything? I mean, 'sides studyin’, there anything to make things easier?” he asks, and Carol stares at him so long he thinks he's done something wrong, although he couldn't tell you what.

 

“People don't usually ask me that,” she says finally.

 

“Oh,” says Daryl. “What about them friends of yours?”

 

Carol shakes her head. “They're really not all bad. It's just...they believe me when I say I'm fine.”

 

“Pro'ly 'cause they actually are,” Daryl suggests. Carol takes a drag on her cigarette while she regards him.

 

“And what are you?” she asks, the slightest hint of a smirk on her lips. Daryl finds himself matching it.

 

“I'm fine,” he says.

 

Carol laughs. She finishes off the cigarette and then crushes it with the heel of her boot. She drops her backpack down beside Daryl, and then sits down next to it on the ground. There's more dirt than grass around the tree roots, but she doesn't seem to mind.

 

“We're just two fine people, then,” she says, “who are gonna speak French under a tree.”

 

Yeah, Daryl thinks, he definitely hopes she sticks around.

 

—-

 

“Be honest, Daryl.”

 

“Listen. You're real smart; smarter than me.”

 

“That doesn't answer the question, Daryl. Tell me the truth. Am I going to pass this test?”

 

Daryl has spent the past hour with Carol's homemade flashcards, quizzing her on vocab words and sentences. When she said she was bad at French, it may have been an understatement. He chews on his lower lip, conflicted.

 

“Nah,” he says finally.

 

“Fuck,” Carol sighs. “I don't know what it is about it that my brain just won't get.”

 

“You knew some of the words,” Daryl offers. She glares at him.

 

“I'm definitely gonna bomb the listening section since you refuse to read any of the sentences out loud.”

 

“I told you, I can't pronounce it for shit. It wouldn't have helped you none. You'd just laugh your ass off.”

 

“No I wouldn't,” she says, collecting her flashcards from Daryl and stuffing them into her bag carelessly. “I guess that's one less thing I have to worry about tonight, seeing as it's a lost cause.”

 

“If it makes you feel better, I pro'ly will only pass English if God starts handin’ out miracles.”

 

“What are you talking about, you're good at English.”

 

“No,” Daryl says flatly. “I can read, but that ain't nothin’ special. But them essays? Nuh-uh, I don't have the faintest clue how to do 'em.”

 

“How can that be hard? You understand the material. All you gotta do is take what you know and put it into words—oh, nevermind, I see the problem.”

 

“Yeah,” says Daryl, stretching his legs out and leaning his head against the trunk of the tree. “So you might not speak French any good, but apparently I can't speak English, and that's more embarrassing.”

 

“We all got different skills, I guess.”

 

“I guess.”

 

A comfortable silence falls between them. The after school clubs and practices are wrapping up, the last of the cars pulling out of the parking lot. Daryl looks at Carol out of the corner of his eye. She's looking out in front of her at nothing in particular. She's got a dusting of freckles across the bridge of her nose, and a few curls have come loose from her ponytail and are poking up as stray loops at the base of her head. He still thinks she's pretty, and still is equally confused and mortified at the fact. She glances at him.

 

“What is it?” she asks. Daryl shakes his head.

 

“You're really bad at French,” he says. She cracks up laughing, and he snorts a little, smiling shyly at his lap.

 

“At least I can write essays,” she says. Daryl nods.

 

“Least you can do that. You gotta go to work now?” he asks. Carol checks the time on her phone and sighs.

 

“Unfortunately.”

 

“I'll walk you to your truck.”

 

“So you can insult her?” Carol asks, but she's grinning.

 

They pack up their things and walk across the lot. She's parked further away from the tree today. Sophia sits, just as sad and defeated as yesterday.

 

“Please bring this thing into the shop before it falls apart in the middle of the highway,” Daryl says while Carol pulls open the door and tosses her things into the passenger side.

 

“You'll just tell me there are things wrong with her,” she argues.

 

“That ain't exactly new information,” Daryl counters. “Least then you'll know _what's_ broken.”

 

“Ignorance is bliss?” she asks hopefully.

 

“Carol.”

 

“Ugh,” she sighs. “Fine. Is your shop open Sunday?”

 

“Yeah. I help open at noon.”

 

“I get done at the library at two. I can come after?”

 

“Works for me,” Daryl says. He fights down the nervous bubbles in his throat at the thought of seeing her on a weekend. _It's just to get her car checked out,_ he reminds himself.

 

“Then it's a date,” she says, grinning and batting her eyelashes.

 

“Stop,” Daryl mutters, battling his blush. She just laughs.

 

“'Kay, well I gotta go. Feel free to come by the diner if you get bored.”

 

“Not exactly my scene,” he mutters.

 

“Yeah, mine either,” she agrees. “But money is money, so if I gotta act sweet to obnoxious guys who slip their numbers into my apron pocket when they think I'm not paying attention, in order to get a paycheck, so be it.” She pulls herself up into the truck. She looks down at him, expression somewhat sheepish. “Text me, at least?”

 

“Yeah,” Daryl says quickly, and then amends, embarrassed, “I mean, if you want me to.”

 

“'Course I do,” she says. “I told you already, I like talking to you. I wasn't lying.”

 

“Oh. Okay.” That's all he can think to say. Instead of being annoyed at his lack of eloquence, Carol just smiles kindly at him.

 

“I'll see you tomorrow, Daryl,” she says.

 

“See you,” he mumbles back.

 

He stands there for some time after she's driven off, debating. Finally, he pulls out his phone and sends a message.

 

(4:43p) -i like talking to u too-

 

(4:43p) -jsyk-

 

She makes him wait for her reply, but it's worth it.

 

(5:01p) *Good. :)*

 

(5:01p) *Let's keep talking, then.*


	5. Chapter 5

_ Friday _

 

(7:42a) *GOOD MORNING*

 

(7:42a) *ISN'T IT GREAT TO BE ALIVE*

 

(7:44a) -...wtf-

 

(7:45a) -r u ok?-

 

(7:46a) *I am doing just swell, all thanks to my well-balanced breakfast!*

 

(7:47a) * _ carol sent a photo _ *

 

(7:49a) -thats just a pic of iced coffee-

 

(7:50a) -does that say 4 shots of espresso?-

 

(7:52a) * :) :) :) *

 

(7:53a) -let me guess u didnt slp at all-

 

(7:54a) *I slept for an hour or so, but I didn't get in bed until like 3:30 and I get up at 4:45, so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯*

 

(7:56a) -y tf do u get up so early-

 

(7:57a) *Got things to do!*

 

(7:58a) *Btw I tried to study for my test some more, but I think I've officially resigned myself to my fate.*

 

(7:59a) *I also think my entire body is vibrating, but that’s prob just the caffeine.*

 

(8:00a) -ur gonna crash so hard-

 

(8:01a) *You know what I'm gonna say.*

 

(8:02a) -¯\\_(ツ)_/¯?-

 

(8:02a) *¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ indeed*

 

(8:52a) -did u finish the reading?-

 

(8:53a) *I did, though I'm not sure how much I retained.”

 

(8:55a) *You can sit by me, you know that right?*

 

(8:56a) -no i cant u sit in the first row-

 

(8:57a) *Smh.*

 

(8:58a) *Did she say if we she's giving a reading quiz today?*

 

(8:59a) -she is-

 

(9:00a) *Today just gets better and better.*

 

(9:13a) *Okay, that was fairly painless.*

 

(9:16a) -id have an a in this class if it was just multiple choice questions instead of papers-

 

(9:16a) -fuck-

 

(9:19a) *HA! How's that back row working out for you now?*

 

(9:20a) -shut up-

 

(9:20a) -that was ur fault-

 

(9:22a) *Nuh uh, not my fault you don't know how to text discreetly. “Mr. Dixon, if you're so engrossed in your phone you must already know all the material. Would you like to share your expert thoughts on the topic at hand?” Amazing.

 

(9:23a) -stfu-

 

(9:24a) *Don't worry, you answered it fine.*

 

(9:27a) -i dont understand the point of questions like that-

 

(9:27a) -english questions r always about symbolism or smthn-

 

(9:28a) -y cant we just read the book and move on-

 

(9:34a) *Someone’s clearly not looking forward to our essay assignment.*

 

(9:41a) -i hate them-

 

(9:42a) *There there.*

 

(9:44a) *I can help edit your paper before it's due if you want.*

 

(9:46a) -in all that free time u have?-

 

(9:48a) *You let me worry about that and let me read your paper.*

 

(9:49a) -no itll be too shitty. ull laugh-

 

(9:51a) *You've seen me try to do French. I'd be the world's biggest hypocrite to laugh.*

 

(9:52a) *Why do you fly out of the room at the bell? You could have said hi at least.*

 

(9:54a) -u were talking to rick-

 

(9:55a) *I could have talked to you both, but I have a feeling it's not about that.*

 

(9:56a) *You're allowed to acknowledge me in public, Daryl. We don't have to have a secret friendship.*

 

(10:50a) *Daryl.*

 

(10:52a) -ok-

 

(10:53a) *At least make eye contact with me next time.*

 

(10:53a) *Baby steps, yeah?*

 

(10:57a) -yeah-

 

(10:59a) *Do you think that coffee will get me through the game tonight or should I take a couple caffeine pills?*

 

(11:03a) -ur heart is gonna stop-

 

(11:07a) *That didn't really answer the question.*

 

(11:08a) -dont take caffene pills-

 

(11:08a) -*caffeene-

 

(11:09a) -*caffiene-

 

(11:09a) -nvm-

 

(11:10a) *Lol @ caffeene*

 

(11:11a) *Wish*

 

(11:14a) -sry wasnt looking at my phone-

 

(11:16a) *Gdi Daryl.*

 

(11:18a) *I rly don’t wanna go to the game tonight. Ed is going to be there and he is going to hit on me and I am going to be way too tired to deal with that.*

 

(11:23a) -peletier?-

 

(11:25a) *That’s the one.*

 

(11:25a) *He’s asked me out 16 times since the school year started.*

 

(11:30a) -its only october-

 

(11:32a) *I know.*

 

(11:34a) -persistent s.o.b-

 

(11:41a) *Unfortunately.*

 

(11:43a) -i thought u were with that theater kid-

 

(11:45a) *Ezekiel? I dated him for a few months, but we broke up during the summer.*

 

(11:46a) *I’m surprised you know that. You don’t seem one for gossip.*

 

(11:48a) -im not but ppl forget im there so i hear shit a lot-

 

(11:50a) *Daryl the wallflower.*

 

(11:51a) *I take it you’re not going to grace us with your presence at lunch today?*

 

(11:53a) -no thnx-

 

(11:54a) *One day, Dixon, I’ll get you to the cafeteria.*

 

(11:56a) -my tree wud be lonely-

 

(11:59a) *Lmao! There’s that elusive sense of humor again.*

 

(12:00p) *Be sure to tell your tree hi from me.*

 

(12:02p) -will do-

 

(12:27p) *How’s your lunch so far?*

 

(12:28p) -so exciting- 

 

(12:29p ) -urs?-

 

(12:31p) *Everyone’s talking about the Halloween party next Saturday. Philip Blake, that quarterback from the Woodbury football team is throwing it.*

 

(12:34p) -ew-

 

(12:37p) *Ew at the idea of a party or ew at Philip Blake?*

 

(12:38p) -both-

 

(12:40p) *Yeah, I’m not super looking forward to it, but I promised Michonne I’d go.*

 

(12:40p) *I absolutely refuse to wear a costume tho.*

 

(12:41p) *I’ve been to these things before and it’s basically just an excuse to walk around in your underwear with a cat ear headband and call it a costume.*

 

(12:42p) *Aaaaand everyone is harassing me about texting and not paying attention to them.*

 

(12:43p) *“Is that Dixon? Ask him what he’s gonna be for Halloween.”*

 

(12:43p) *That was Shane, if you couldn't tell.*

 

(12:47p) -slutty redneck-

 

(12:49p) *I just laughed so hard I almost choked on my own spit.*

 

(12:50p) *Thank you for that, I needed it.*

 

(12:51p) *Although now if you don't go as a slutty redneck for Halloween I'm gonna be really disappointed.*

 

(12:54p) -i dont do shit for halloween but sit at home and watch w/e horror movies are on tv-

 

(12:56p) *You could come to Phillip's party.*

 

(12:58p) *Lmao I can just imagine the face you're making. Calm down, I'm just kidding. Which would be worse, public speaking or going to that party?*

 

(12:59p) -public speaking but only bc i cud hide at a party-

 

(1:00p) *Then there's hope I might be able to get you to come to one sometime. Ok, history class, g2g.*

 

(1:00p) -bye-

 

(1:50p) *Welp, time to walk down death row and face my demise.*

 

(1:51p) -u mean french class?-

 

(1:52p) *Same thing.*

 

(1:53p) *Pray for me.*

 

(1:56p) -ull be fine-

 

(1:57p) *Remember me fondly, Daryl.*

 

(1:58p) -drama queen-

 

(1:58p) -rmbr bonjour means hello-

 

(1:59p) *Fuck you :)*

 

(2:00p) *Okay it’s time. Goodbye, I’m fucked.*

 

(2:00p) -good luck-

 

(2:51p) *THE TEST GOT FUCKING POSTPONED.*

 

(2:51p) *BC, GET THIS, MY TEACHER'S PRINTER WOULDN'T WORK. THAT'S IT, THAT'S LITERALLY THE REASON.*

 

(2:54p) -thats good right?-

 

(2:55p) *It would be if I felt any more confident in my ability to learn French over the weekend than I did trying to learn it this week.*

 

(2:56p) *That, and I'm pretty pissed I stayed up as late as I did studying.*

 

(2:57p) *Also instead of taking the test we had to watch some French film that I understood exactly none of, and my teacher sat right next to me so I couldn't be on my phone /and/ there was a sort of sex scene in the movie and it was so uncomfortable.*

 

(2:58p) *I do not like this day. 0/10*

 

(2:58p) *It's not even close to over yet either. I just want to go to sleep. :( *

 

(3:01p) -im sorry-

 

(3:03p) *It's ok, I'm just complaining.*

 

(3:07p) -wish i cud help-

 

(3:10p) *You're helping me with Sophia on Sunday, that's plenty.*

 

(3:11p) *I'm gonna go try and power nap in the locker room before practice. I'll ttyl.*

 

(3:13p) -later-

 

(3:55p) *Well napping was a terrible idea.*

 

(3:57p) -yeah idk y u thought that wud work-

 

(3:58p) *I feel like a dumpster fire and look about the same.*

 

(3:59p) *Time to take two caffeine pills and hope my heart doesn't give out. I'll let u know how practice goes!*

 

(4:05p) -u worry me-

 

(5:07p) *I can hear my heart beating in my skull.*

 

(5:11p) - :/ -

 

(5:11p) -drink some water-

 

(5:12p) -eat smthn-

 

(5:17p) *Does a diet coke and protein bar count as a well-balanced meal?*

 

(5:19p) -about as wellbalanced as ur breakfast-

 

(5:25p) *We do what we need to to survive, Daryl.*

 

(5:27p) *Michonne and Maggie are with me. They want to know if you're coming to the game. I scoffed at them in dismay for you.*

 

(5:31p) -thnx-

 

(5:34p) *You weren't intending on coming to the game were you?*

 

(5:38p) -lol-

 

(5:42p) *Yeah that's what I figured.*

 

(5:44p) *Maggie says you should go sometime bc all her boyfriend's friends are on the team or doing cheer so he always ends up sitting by himself.*

 

(5:51p) -that asian kid?-

 

(5:54p) *Glenn. Maggie says to probably not call him “that Asian kid”.-

 

(5:56p) -sry-

 

(5:57p) -ive nvr talked to him in my life-

 

(6:00p) *Tbf, do you talk to anyone?*

 

(6:13p) -u-

 

(6:15p) *As of two days ago. Mb it's a sign you should branch out.*

 

(6:16p) *Not tonight, tho, we're playing Woodbury and are going to get demolished, and I'm so tired and over-caffeinated that I'll prob start hallucinating here soon, and you don't need to see that.*

 

(6:18p) *Sometime tho. I'll find a way to trick you into hanging out with us.*

 

(6:23p) -idk y ud want me to-

 

(6:26p) *Smh, I'm too tired to pep talk, you'll just have to trust me when I say you're cool and likeable and would be fun to hang out with.*

 

(6:40p) -game starts soon right? u gna survive?-

 

(6:42p) *Time will tell.*

 

(6:43p) *Gotta go get ready. If I do die I'll make sure to have Michonne message you to let you know.*

 

(6:45p) -...thnx-

 

(6:46p) *Adios.*

 

(6:47p) -au revoir-

 

(6:47p) *Don't you dare speak that disgusting language at me.*

 

(6:48p) -lmao sry-

 

(6:48p) -bye-

 

(10:42p) *You up?*

 

(10:44p) -mhm-

 

(10:46p) *Good, what do you want to hear first: How horribly the game went, how I accidentally broke Michonne's ankle, or how Ed shoved his tongue down my throat?*

 

(10:47p) -um-

 

(10:48p) *Nvm, I'll just tell you in order.*

 

(10:49p) *Woodbury murdered everyone on our team, they have all been pulverized into dust.*

 

(10:50p) *Not rly, bc that would have solved my Ed problem, but you get the idea. Next:*

 

(10:51p) *So I am a mediocre cheerleader at best, and when I'm running on no sleep and my blood is mostly stimulants, I'm apparently even worse and I do incredibly stupid things, like lose my balance while holding Michonne and just fucking dropping her on the ground.*

 

(10:52p) *Daryl, I heard her bone snap.*

 

(10:53p) *I broke my best friend's ankle and that was somehow not even the worst part of the night.*

 

(10:54p) -jfc-

 

(10:54p) *I know right.*

 

(10:55p) *So Michonne is taken to the hospital, the game is over, I am humiliated and guilty, so I wander off and pull a you and sit under a tree and hate everything for a while.*

 

(10:56p) *Just my luck that the tree I picked is right next to where Ed parked his fancy convertible.*

 

(10:57p) *Side note, who even drives convertibles??*

 

(10:58p) *Anyway, he comes over looking really sad, and says something like, “man, that game was a heartbreaker,” like he was trying to get my sympathy, and I'm sitting there like, “that sucks, but I BROKE MY BEST FRIEND'S ANKLE, so I win??*

 

(11:00p) *He does not get the hint, and comes and SITS NEXT TO ME, and keeps angling for compliments on how he played despite the loss (he played horribly, btw), and /then/ he says, “you know what would make me feel better?” And with no warning at all, this asshole KISSES ME. Full tongue, Daryl, it was like having a flopping fish in my mouth.*

 

(11:02p) -plz tell me u slapped him-

 

(11:04p) *I should have, but I had no brain cells left after that, so I just sort of stared at him and then got up and left. He tried to stop me by grabbing my arm but I just kept going.*

 

(11:05p) -did he follow u?-

 

(11:06p) *He called my name a couple times, but then some of his teammates showed up and I was able to slip away.*

 

(11:08p) -good-

 

(11:09p) -i dont trust that guy. wudnt put it past him to try some shit-

 

(11:11p) *Me either tbh.*

 

(11:12p) -u didnt say that wish thing u must be tired-

 

(11:12p) *Gdi!!*

 

(11:13p) * :( *

 

(11:14p) -u shud get some slp-

 

(11:16p) *I feel like I should bake something to take to Michonne's place tomorrow.*

 

(11:17p) *Did I mention I broke her ankle? Because I literally dropped her?*

 

(11:19p) -shit happens-

 

(11:20p) *Shit meaning breaking your best friend's actual bones?*

 

(11:21p) -in this case ya-

 

(11:21p) -dont bake anything. ull fall asleep and set the house on fire-

 

(11:23p) *I am so deeply unhappy right now.*

 

(11:24p) -ya ur day kinda sucked-

 

(11:25p) *Sorry for complaining to you so much.*

 

(11:27p) -dont be sry its fine-

 

(11:29p) -just sucks i cant help more-

 

(11:31p) *Listening is actually really helpful. I don't talk about myself to my other friends. It's nice to have someone to blab to.*

 

(11:34p) -other friends-

 

(11:35p) *Yeah?*

 

(11:41p) -am i ur friend?-

 

(11:42p) *Oh Daryl.*

 

(11:42p) */Yes/*

 

(11:45p) -oh-

 

(11:46p) *That okay?*

 

(11:51p) -yeah-

 

(11:52p) *Am I /your/ friend?*

 

(11:53p) -yeah-

 

(11:55p) *Good. Now that we've got that sorted, your friend is going to take your advice and go the fuck to sleep.*

 

(11:56p) *Goodnight, Daryl. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

 

(11:57p) -night-

 

(11:59p) -slp well-

 

_ Saturday _

 

(7:09a) *I regret everything that has led to this moment, my head hurts so bad.*

 

(7:58a) *You're probably asleep bc it's Saturday, and let me tell you, I am so jealous.*

 

(10:11a) -y tf were u up so early-

 

(10:14a) *I told you I get up at 445*

 

(10:15a) -on the weekend??-

 

(10:16a) -y??-

 

(10:18a) *Got stuff to do!*

 

(10:19a) *And I had work. Am at work, actually.*

 

(10:23a) -the library job?-

 

(10:27a) *Mmhmm. I'm doing a shit job today, though. I've been “shelving” this cart of books for the past hour but ngl, I've spent a good portion of that hiding in the stacks and just sort of standing here staring off into space wondering when the guy with the jackhammer in my brain will give it a rest.*

 

(10:30a) -prob shud eat more than iced coffee for meals-

 

(10:32a) *I had toast with my iced coffee this morning?*

 

(10:35a) -still not great-

 

(10:37a) *Let me live, Daryl.*

 

(10:38a) -thats what im trying to do-

 

(10:39a) -speaking of hows the death trap?-

 

(10:43a) *I refuse to answer that until you address her properly.*

 

(10:46a) -hows sophia?-

 

(10:50a) *She's nervous about her appointment tomorrow. She's afraid of doctors, they always want money.*

 

(10:52a) -told u diagnostic is on the house-

 

(10:56a) *Yeah but then you're going to tell me things like “your brakes aren't supposed to sound like dying cats” or “no it's not supposed to smell like fire when you turn the heater on” or “yes you're supposed to be able to open the passenger side door from the inside”. I'm not looking forward to it, frankly.*

 

(10:59a) -jfc-

 

(11:07a) *Ignorance is bliss?*

 

(11:09a) -ignorance is gna send u crashing into a ditch-

 

(11:11a) *Wish.*

 

(11:12a) *If you missed that istg…*

 

(11:14a) -...sry-

 

(11:15a) *I'm going to kill you.*

 

(11:17a) -i was getting cereal-

 

(11:21a) *I hope it's worth it.*

 

(11:24a) -its not its stale-

 

(11:31a) *That makes me feel a little better.*

 

(11:34a) *K, I have to pretend to be a useful employee for the next twenty minutes and then I'm gonna drive to Michonne's. Talk to you in a bit.*

 

(11:35a) *Enjoy your stale cereal.*

 

(11:36a) -i wont-

 

(11:36a) -ttyl-

 

(12:45p) * _ carol sent a photo _ *

 

(12:51p) -yikes-

 

(12:56p) *Look at what I've done.*

 

(1:00p) -did they rly need that big a cast for just her ankle-

 

(1:03p) *They had to do surgery to put screws in it, I turned her into a cyborg. :((((( *

 

(1:11p) -at least cyborgs r cool? is she pissed?-

 

(1:16p) *No. She's being insufferably nice to me, telling me it wasn't my fault and that she was the one off balance.*

 

(1:17p) *(She's wrong. It was my fault.)*

 

(1:31p) -it was an accident-

 

(1:32p) -tell her i hope she feels better-

 

(1:35p) *I told her and she lit up and said “omg, Daryl Dixon talked to me by proxy, that's almost like talking to me directly, it's a miracle.”*

 

(1:42p) -tell her i said nvm-

 

(1:45p) *Lmao, it should be noted the doctors gave her some pretty good shit so she's not at her most coherent.*

 

(1:46p) *You at work?*

 

(2:01p) -yeah. not v busy today so they'll prob tell me to go home in a bit-

 

(2:13p) *Are you like a full-on mechanic or like a paid intern or what?*

 

(2:17p) -an apprentice ig? thats what dale calls me. hes the owner-

 

(2:19p) -said i can get a full time job w/ them after school-

 

(2:24p) *Are you gonna?*

 

(2:26p) -idk-

 

(2:27p) -dont rly wanna. dont wanna stay here forever-

 

(2:32p) *I feel that.*

 

(2:36p) -wbu?-

 

(3:13p) *Sry, I'm watching tv with Michonne and I have to keep telling her what just happened bc her meds are making her spacey af.*

 

(3:14p) *We're not even watching a plot driven show. We're watching say yes to the dress.*

 

(3:17p) -tf is that-

 

(3:19p) *It's a reality show where rich people buy wedding dresses that cost more than my house.*

 

(3:21p) - :/ -

 

(3:25p) *It was this or a lifetime movie. She doesn't have netflix on this tv and she's too high and I'm too tired to go find her laptop.*

 

(3:28p) -i wud have gone w/ the lifetime movie-

 

(3:30p) *Love a good murder-suicide-love triangle do you?*

 

(3:35p) -yeah i dont get a lot of channels-

 

(3:37p) -i pay for the wifi and im broke so its cheaper to just torrent movies and watch w/e is on cable-

 

(3:37p) *Remind me and I'll give u my netflix login.*

 

(3:40p) -dont do that-

 

(3:42p) *Shush. Friends give friends their netflix logins. That's like, the first rule of friendship.*

 

(3:46p) -ur ridiculous-

 

(3:47p) *Ur welcome.-

 

(4:02p) -k question-

 

(4:05p) *Yes?*

 

(4:06p) -wut wud u do if u were being followed by a hungry stray dog-

 

(4:08p) *Um.*

 

(4:09p) *It depends. Is it rabid?*

 

(4:10p) -prob not-

 

(4:12p) *Is it trying to eat me?*

 

(4:12p) -no-

 

(4:13p) -its nice-

 

(4:13p) -but rly thin and kinda dirty-

 

(4:14p) *Is it making a heartbreakingly sad face?*

 

(4:15p) -yes-

 

(4:15p) -rly sad-

 

(4:16p) *Are we talking “trying to fool you into giving me treats” sad, or “I've lived a tragic life and all I want in this world is for someone to show me kindness” sad?*

 

(4:17p) -2nd one-

 

(4:19p) *I'd keep it forever.*

 

(4:19p) -noted-

 

(4:20p) *Daryl. Are we speaking in hypotheticals or is something going on?*

 

(4:23p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(4:25p) *OH NO.*

 

(4:25p) *You said its face was sad but I still wasn't prepared.*

 

(4:26p) *Where did he come from??*

 

(4:28p) -idk i was avoiding going home and was taking a walk and he came out of nowhere and has been following me-

 

(4:29p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(4:30p) *He's letting you give him ear scratches. :(((*

 

(4:31p) *Michonne said you probably have fleas now, btw.*

 

(4:32p) *Worth it tho.*

 

(4:32p) -worth it-

 

(4:33p) *Jinx.*

 

(4:33p) -lmao-

 

(4:34p) -k but 4 real tho wut do i do?-

 

(4:36p) *You're sure he's a stray?*

 

(4:37p) -if hes not his owners suck-

 

(4:38p) -no collar or anything tho-

 

(4:40p) *Ig you could take him in and see if he's microchipped?*

 

(4:42p) -gdi look at this-

 

(4:42p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(4:44p) *IS HE LAYING ON YOUR LAP?!*

 

(4:44p) *Daryl, I think you have a dog now.*

 

(4:45p) -i mean-

 

(4:45p) -i cud take him-

 

(4:45p) -my dad wudnt give a shit. prob wudnt even notice-

 

(4:47p) *!!!*

 

(4:47p) *What kind of dog is he?*

 

(4:49p) -some kind of mutt-

 

(4:50p) -blue heeler def. german shepard i think. mb smthn else but i cant tell-

 

(4:52p) *You know your dogs.*

 

(4:53p) -yeah well-

 

(4:54p) *Are you a dog person?*

 

(4:56p) -ig-

 

(4:59p) *You love the shit out of dogs don't you?*

 

(5:00p) -shut up-

 

(5:03p) *So what are you gonna do with the dog?*

 

(5:20p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(5:22p) *Omfg Daryl, where'd you even get that?*

 

(5:24p) -theres a tack store near my shop. i asked them if i cud borrow a lead rope-

 

(5:26p) *And he just let you tie it around him like a leash??*

 

(5:29p) -yeah idk hes rly well behaved-

 

(5:30p) -must have had an owner at some point-

 

(5:30p) -he just sat outside when i went to get the rope-

 

(5:32p) *He's claimed you.*

 

(5:32p) *How are you gonna take him home on your bike?*

 

(5:40p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(5:40) -took the truck today-

 

(5:43p) *The fates aligned.*

 

(5:44p) *He looks so happy omg, look at his dopey grin.*

 

(5:46p) -hes drooling on the seat-

 

(5:47p) *Christening it.*

 

(5:49p) -gna drive home tty in a bit-

 

(5:50p) *Okay, drive safe.*

 

(5:51p) -i will my car actually works-

 

(5:51p) *Fuck offff*

 

(7:32p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(7:40p) *Wow he is passed tf out.*

 

(7:40p) *And is so much cleaner!*

 

(7:41p) *Also are you in a tent?*

 

(7:43p) -dont have room inside for him but didnt want him to be out here alone-

 

(7:45p) *Jfc you're camping in your yard so your stray dog doesn't get lonely. Are you just gonna do that forever?*

 

(7:46p) -no ill build him a dog house but until then i want him to have shelter-

 

(7:48p) -i dont have dog food yet so i gave him some chicken thighs i had in the freezer and he ate three in like two min-

 

(7:59p) *That's horrifying.*

 

(8:03p) -he also had zoomies for an hr-

 

(8:11p) *Zoomies.*

 

(8:13p) -yeah like when they zoom around rly fast-

 

(8:17p) *That's adorable.*

 

(8:17p) *I would pay actual money to hear you say the word zoomie out loud.*

 

(8:19p) -stop-

 

(8:29p) * :’) *

 

(8:30p) *So ig you had a weird day.*

 

(8:34p) -ig so-

 

(8:35p) -how was the rest of urs?-

 

(8:35p) -better than yesterday?-

 

(8:46p) *I didn't break anyone's bones or have any tongues shoved down my throat so I suppose it was better.*

 

(8:47p) *Still exhausted tho. I would like a break.*

 

(8:50p) -r u still at michonnes?-

 

(8:57p) *Nah, I'm at home, but you know...*

 

(8:57p) *Stuff to do.*

 

(9:01p) -wuts the stuff ur always doing?-

 

(9:09p) *It doesn't matter. I might actually be done here anyway. Might be able to go to sleep for a while.*

 

(9:11p) -just for a while?-

 

(9:14p) *Yeah.*

 

(9:15p) -?-

 

(9:19p) *Idk. It's complicated.*

 

(9:20p) -ok-

 

(9:24p) *You're not gonna ask?*

 

(9:26p) -didnt seem like u wnted me to-

 

(9:29p) *I didn't but usually that doesn't stop people.*

 

(9:36p) -u shud slp-

 

(9:38p) *I should. I'm gonna. We still on for tomorrow?*

 

(9:40p) -mhm-

 

(9:41p) *Will I get to meet the dog?*

 

(9:42p) -lol, prob. i dont want to leave him alone here*

 

(9:43p) *Good. I'm gonna try and sleep then.*

 

(9:44p) *Thank you, Daryl.*

 

(9:46p) -i didnt do anything-

 

(9:47p) *Yes you did.*

 

(9:47p) *Goodnight.*

 

(9:49p) -...gnite-


	6. Chapter 6

Daryl wakes up the next morning to the dog aggressively licking his face, which isn't the  _ worst _ way to wake up, but certainly doesn't make the top ten of  _ best _ ways to wake up.

 

It's okay, though, because  _ he has a dog _ . 

 

He scoots himself up in his sleeping bag until he's sitting, and scratches the dog behind the ear. The dog has a dopey grin on his face, his tongue lolling out of his mouth. Daryl adores him.

 

He picks himself up and lets the dog out of the tent to do his business. Daryl checks his phone to see that the battery died overnight. He whistles and the dog comes running, and lets Daryl tie him up with the lead rope against the railing of the stairs leading up to his door. Daryl goes and gets him the last of the chicken thighs. Daryl tosses them his way and he takes them happily.

 

Inside, Daryl's father is snoring from behind his closed bedroom door. There are empty beer cans all over his recliner and the television was left on. Daryl pays it no mind and goes into his own room and plugs in his phone. He has one text from her, received about an hour ago.

 

(8:09a) *2 right?*

 

(9:14a) -yeah- he replies.

 

(9:16a) *K*

 

Daryl stares at the single letter reply.  _ K? _ What the hell is that supposed to mean? It's very contrary to her usual texting tone, and he's suddenly awash with anxiety. Is she mad at him? Did he do something wrong? What did he do to warrant such a short, blunt response? Could this mean the end of their friendship?

 

(9:17a) *Today is dumb. Plz have dog @ shop. I need fur therapy.*

 

Oh. So maybe she just meant “k” as in “okay” and there was no hidden subtext.

 

(Franky, Daryl doesn't understand how people have more than one friend. Texting just one person on the regular has risen his blood pressure significantly.)

 

(9:19a) -i’ll bring him. y is today dumb?-

 

She responds a few minutes later with seventeen skull emojis, and Daryl decides to let that one be. It's certainly not the first time he's gotten the impression she's deflecting, or that there's something more to her story than she lets people see, but he has no intention of harassing her for information he isn't entitled to. If she wants to tell him she will. Lord knows he has his own secrets. From the room next door, his father gives a sudden and sharp phlegmy cough, and Daryl flinches at the sound.

 

What would give him the right to try and unbury hers, if his are hidden just as deep?

 

—-

 

He hears Carol coming before he sees her, her truck making all sorts of disconcerting noises as she pulls up to the shop.

 

“Jesus, is that the truck you're doin’ a diagnostic on?” asks Axel from under the hood of a Jeep.

 

“Yeah,” Daryl mutters, suddenly nervous at the prospect of seeing Carol, as if they haven't been talking nearly non-stop for days now. But there's something about being face-to-face with her that makes him extra shy, even though he's learned by now that she'll carry a conversation for him when his tongue won't get the words out.

 

“I can diagnose it from here,” Axel continues. “Your girl is driving scrap metal.”

 

“She ain't my girl,” Daryl says with reddening ears, thankful Carol is still in her truck and can't hear the exchange. “She's a friend.”

 

“That mean she's fair game, then?” asks Axel, eyeing Carol with interest through her windshield.

 

“Don't,” Daryl says sharply. 

 

“Dude, gross, she's in high school,” says Oscar, walking into the garage, wiping his hands with a rag.

 

“Alright, I'm sorry,” Axel says, holding up his hands in surrender. “She's a pretty thing, though, isn't she? You oughta think about making her your girl, Daryl.”

 

Daryl intends to say, “Shut the fuck up,” but what actually comes out of his mouth, completely on its own volition, is, “You becoming a brain surgeon is more likely than a girl like her lookin’ at me twice.”

 

“Dunno, kid,” Oscar says when Carol opens her door and jumps down from her truck, flashing him a bright smile. “She seems to be lookin’ at you pretty hard right now.”

 

“Shut the fuck up,” Daryl does say then, and heads over to Carol, nodding a greeting at her, ignoring the snickers of his coworkers behind him.

 

“Hi, where's the dog?” Carol asks the second Daryl is within earshot. He snorts.

 

“Hi to you, too,” he deadpans. She shrugs shamelessly.

 

Daryl whistles over his shoulder. The dog, who was napping in the corner of the garage, leaps up at the sound and comes bounding over to him. At the sight of a new person, he goes bananas, his tail wagging so hard his entire back end wobbles. He leaps up on two legs and attacks Carol with affection.

 

“Dog, down,” Daryl says, but the dog doesn't listen, and Carol is laughing, so he doesn't pursue the command. He lets Carol and the dog meet each other, and pointedly ignores the voice in the back of his head that's saying her giggles are cute.

 

“Oh my goodness, what a sweetheart,” Carol says once she finally gets the dog to calm down. “Are you sure he's a stray? He's so nice.”

 

“I'm gonna take him in to see if he's microchipped later this week, though my guess is he had owners but they ditched him. He's real high energy.”

 

“I see that,” Carol laughs, as the dog proves Daryl's point by jumping up on her again to give her more kisses.

 

“Probably got him as a puppy, thought he was cute, and then got sick of him once he started actin’ like a dog.”

 

“Poor baby,” Carol says. She squats down and rubs his ears. The dog's tail thumps against the concrete. She looks up at Daryl and asks, “What are you gonna call him?”

 

“Oh. I dunno. I've just been calling him Dog.”

 

Carol scoffs. “You can't call your dog, Dog.”

 

“What difference does it make to 'im?”

 

“He's been all alone on the streets and you won't even give him a name?” She sticks her lower lip out in a pout. Daryl sighs.

 

“You name him, then,” he says, and Carol lights up like a Christmas tree.

 

“Wait, really?” she asks.

 

“Yeah, go for it. I'm no good with namin’ shit, but clearly you like it.” He nods his head towards Sophia the Truck to illustrate his point.

 

“Oh God, this is so much pressure,” she says, regarding the dog and furrowing her brow in thought. “Give me a bit, I'll think of something.”

 

“You do that. In the meantime, gimme your keys.”

 

“Ugh,” Carol says. “Are you sure you don't want to just tell me everything is fine with her instead?” Daryl holds his hand out. She groans and then tosses her keys to him. “Do your terrible mechanic stuff; I'm gonna sit here and play with this dog and pretend nothing is awful even though everything is.”

 

“That's a bit bleak. You okay?”

 

“Weren't you on your way to examine my truck?” she says pointedly.

 

“Right,” Daryl says, looping the keyring around his pinky. “Be back in a bit.”

 

“Treat her gently.”

 

“I'll do my best.”

 

—-

 

Carol is sitting on the ground just outside of the garage, absently playing Candy Crush on her phone with the dog’s head in her lap when Daryl finally reemerges. 

 

“How do you say ‘dog’ in French?” Carol asks before Daryl has a chance to say anything.

 

“Chien,” he says automatically, and then flushes. Carol looks up at him with a shit-eating grin.

 

“I got you to speak French.”

 

“Shut up. You just caught me off guard.” 

 

“How do you say ‘I win’ in French?”

 

“Not falling for it again.”

 

“No matter. I still win.”

 

“It’s not even a hard word to say, you barely win.”

 

“Now say ‘zoomies.’”

 

“Jesus Christ.” Daryl shakes his head and pulls out the clipboard he has with his notes on Sophia. “Ready to hear what I found?”

 

“Absolutely not,” Carol says, leaning back against the wall. She waves her hand. “Go on, then.”

 

“‘Kay, so here are the main problems. You already knew about the radiator. I put in a leak sealant, but that’s only gonna be a temporary fix. You got a blown head gasket, which I’m guessin’ is from your car overheating one too many times. I’ll be honest, that one isn’t gonna be a cheap fix. I think you got a problem with the transmission, which is why you’re havin’ trouble accelerating. Let’s not talk about cost on that one either right now. Uh, let’s see...You’re gonna have to replace that battery at some point, it’s almost a decade old, I have no idea how it still works. The tread on your tires is shit. If we get any snow at all this winter don’t you dare drive on it with those. Then the thing I’m most worried about is your brakes. I can replace the pads, but the rotors is cracked so it’s not gonna fix it, and if your brakes go out then you’re seriously fucked.” 

 

“So,” Carol says, staring blankly into the middle distance. “Is there anything in my truck that  _ does  _ work?”

 

“Uh.” Daryl shrugs. “The radio seemed fine.” 

 

“Son of a—” Carol cuts herself off by burying her face in the fur on the dog’s back and groaning. The dog lifts his head and blinks with sleepy eyes, before giving her a sympathetic lick on the cheek. “Thank you, Dog,” she says, muffled. She sits back up. “I’m only still calling him that because I haven’t figured out his name yet,” she tells Daryl.

 

“Aight.”

 

“Did you figure out why my passenger side door won’t open?”

 

“Yeah, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with that thing. I even had Oscar and Axel look at it. I think the inside handle is just really, really stuck.” 

 

“Cool. I hate my life.”  She looks so thoroughly miserable that Daryl almost feels guilty for making her get her truck checked out, even though her pretending the problems weren’t there wouldn’t have gotten rid of them. 

 

“I changed the oil for you, so you don’t have to worry about that for a while.” 

 

“Why’d you do that? I told you I don’t have any money.”

 

“Did you hear me ask for money?” Carol frowns at him.

 

“I appreciate it, but I don’t need charity.”

 

“It ain’t charity, it’s me bein’ nice to you ‘cause you’re my friend.” He can’t look her in the eye when he says the word ‘friend.’ To him, calling her that feels as inappropriate as if he’d called her his lover. She doesn’t appear scandalized at the title, however. Instead, she just deflates and thunks her head against the wall behind her with an elongated sigh. “Look,” Daryl says, meeting her gaze and forcing himself to keep it. “Do I look rich to you? I get it. I get not havin’ money. Most of my paycheck goes to payin’ bills ‘cause my daddy drinks all his money away and my brother ain’t around to help no more, so if I don’t, no one will. So when I say it ain’t charity, I mean it. I’m just helpin’ you out ‘cause I know what it’s like to need the help, aight?” 

 

Carol stares at him. He chews nervously on a cuticle. Then, Carol’s lower lip trembles, tears form in her eyes, and Daryl panics.

 

“Oh no. No, don’t...I didn’t mean...Please don’t...I’m sorry…” he rambles, completely at a loss as Carol covers her face with her hands. She then lets out a few chuckles through her sobs, and Daryl is confused and frightened. 

 

“Oh my God,” Carol says from behind her palms. She drops her hands to her lap, startling the dog. “I have had a very bad day, and I am very tired and emotionally compromised, so please accept my sincerest gratitude, and just ignore...all of this.” She gestures a circle around her teary face. 

 

“Didn’t mean to make you cry,” Daryl mutters.

 

“It wasn’t your fault. Honestly, I probably could have just dropped my phone and it would have been enough to make me cry. I’m a mess.”

 

“I’m sorry about your tru—I mean about Sophia.”

 

“Yeah, well, it’s like you said. At least now I know what’s wrong, ‘though I still don’t know how I’m going to fix it. Or if it’s even worth it. Sounds to me like the amount it’ll take to fix it is the amount it would cost to get a new car.” 

 

Daryl doesn’t think it will help to tell her she’s right, so he doesn’t.

 

“Just, if you’re gonna fix anything, fix the brakes, okay?” he says instead. 

 

“Yeah. Okay.” She doesn’t seem to have a sense of urgency, which does nothing placate Daryl’s anxiety, but he let’s it go for the time being.

 

“What do you wanna do now? Or what’ll help?” 

 

Carol plays with the dog’s ear absently, furrowing her brow.

 

“You don’t like to go home sometimes, right?” she asks quietly.

 

After a pause, Daryl mutters, “Yeah.”

 

“What do you do...or, I guess, where do you  _ go _ , on the days when you really, really don’t want to be at home? The days when walking around the block just isn’t enough?”

 

Daryl rubs at an oil stain on his hand. He clears his throat and looks up at her. 

 

“Want me to show you?” he asks.

 

—-

 

“This isn't some ploy to take me out into the woods to kill me, is it?” Carol asks mildly after Daryl makes another turn onto another unnamed dirt road.

 

“Nah.”

 

“Okay, I trust you,” she says. “Although, I suppose if you did kill me I wouldn't have to worry about how I'm going to afford to fix my car.”

 

Daryl huffs a breath of laughter through his nose. She sees her crack a small smile in his peripheral vision. The dog is half in the backseat and half in the front seat, resting his head on Carol's lap. He seems to be completely taken with her, and Daryl can't help but relate.

 

She doesn't seem particularly chatty today, but the silence is comfortable, and Daryl has never objected to not having to talk. The view is nice out here on the outskirts of town. The sun isn't quite setting, but the colors are starting to go more orange and pink the longer they drive. 

 

The sound of Carol's phone buzzing breaks the silence. Daryl casts a glance her way and sees her check her caller ID and frown. She swipes to ignore the call, and then looks out the passenger side window with a sigh. He doesn't ask, and she doesn't offer.

 

The empty skyline gives way to trees that grow denser the farther along the road they go. Daryl pulls off into a small clearing and parks his pick-up.

 

“We gotta walk a bit, that okay?” he asks.

 

“I don't mind,” she says, unbuckling her seatbelt. Daryl gets out and goes and opens the back door to let the dog out. He also grabs a blanket he has bunched up under the seat. It's scratchy and smells like dust, but it's warm and he's not about to let her get cold.

 

Both Carol and the dog let Daryl take the lead as they trudge up a decently sized hill. He sends periodic glances behind him to make sure she's okay, but she seems to be enjoying the little hike.

 

“This is it,” Daryl says when they finally reach the top. He watches her anxiously. He's never shared this spot with anyone. She takes it in and then gives him a gentle smile.

 

“It's beautiful up here,” she says.

 

It is. The top of the hill overlooks the forest. Trees go on for miles, with no hint of civilization. It's quiet, with only the sound of nature filling the air—a nearby stream trickling, the rustling of leaves, the beginning songs of the last of the season's cicadas as night starts to fall.

 

“Easy to forget for awhile up here,” Daryl says. Carol hums in agreement. She lowers herself to the ground and wraps her arms around her knees. Daryl hands her the blanket, which she takes with a murmured thanks. He sits down beside her, and tosses a large stick over to the dog, who takes it in his mouth and runs off a ways to entertain himself with his new toy.

 

“It’d be nice, wouldn't it?” Carol says after a bit. “To just run away into the woods and not look back; become a forest nymph.”

 

“It'd beat high school,” says Daryl.

 

“It'd beat a lot of things,” she says. She must feel Daryl's questioning expression, because while still staring out over the horizon underlined by trees, she says, “I don't want to talk about it.”

 

Daryl nods a nod she can't see. 

 

“Aight,” he says simply. She twists her mouth for a second, like she's got something else to say, but instead she just drapes the scratchy blanket over her shoulders and looks up.

 

“It's not even all the way dark yet and you can still see so many more stars out here than you can in the city,” she muses. Daryl grunts. “Do you know any constellations?” she asks him then.

 

“Only a couple.”

 

“Show me.”

 

“Aight,” he mutters. He follows her gaze to the sky. He points and says, “'Kay, see those four stars in a line there? And they lead up to a kinda loop of stars over there?”

 

“No,” she says. She scoots over and is practically leaning against him so she can see at the angle he's pointing. “Show me again.”

 

“Uh,” Daryl says, momentarily distracted. She smells like roses again. “Right there, above those trees in front of us.”

 

“Oh, okay, I think I see it. What constellation is that?”

 

“Aquarius,” Daryl says, and Carol turns and beams at him, her face so very close to his. 

 

“I'm an Aquarius,” she says. “February 4th.” Daryl doesn't usually give two shits about astrology, but it's making her smile so brightly that he suddenly finds himself adoring astrology.

 

“That’s your constellation, then,” he says, trying to keep his voice neutral even though their shoulders are almost touching.

 

“What about you? What's your sign, baby?” she asks in an exaggerated flirt, complete with a wink. 

 

“Stop,” Daryl says. She laughs.

 

“Sorry. But seriously, when's your birthday?”

 

“May 14th,” he says. “Taurus, I think.”

 

“Do you have a constellation?”

 

“Yeah, but we can't see it.”

 

“How did you learn constellations?”

 

“I dunno. My dad would point 'em out when we'd go hunting.” Those days with his dad aren't something he thinks about often. The days when his daddy was sober enough to treat Daryl with something akin to kindness, teaching him how to hold his rifle and how to follow the North Star home, are now awash with a bittersweet nostalgia that stirs up something unpleasant in his gut.

 

“You'll have to show me more sometime,” she says, and Daryl thinks it might be nice to replace those old memories with sweeter ones.

 

They both startle when Carol's phone buzzes loudly. She sighs heavily. “I gotta answer this,” she says in a tone that indicates she'd rather do anything else.

 

“'Kay,” Daryl mutters. Carol leans away from him and he hates himself for wishing she hadn't.

 

“Hello?” Carol says into her cell. Daryl then listens awkwardly to one side of what sounds like a heated argument. “I told you I was taking my car into the shop… Yeah, well, I wasn't ready to come home yet… Because I wanted a break. Is that a crime…? And you think I'm not? You're more than capable of… I just needed a little time to myself… How the fuck am I the selfish one…? Fine… I said fine…! Whatever. I'll be home in a while. Be sure not to overexert yourself. God knows we wouldn't want you overwhelmed. Bye.” She smashes the end call button on her touchscreen so hard Daryl almost expects the glass to shatter. She looks at him and says, “Hanging up a smartphone in anger doesn't really have the same satisfaction as a flip phone.”

 

“Yeah,” says Daryl, because he doesn't know what else to say. “Should we… Do you gotta go home?” Carol groans and rubs her eyes with the palms of her hands.

 

“Yeah, I guess,” she says, letting her arms drop like weights. “I'm gonna get my ass chewed out once I get there, but I suppose there's no sense delaying the inevitable.”

 

Daryl thinks darkly about what happens when he gets in trouble, and tries not to project those thoughts onto her. Surely her parents handle their anger with less blood and bruises than his.

 

The two of them round up the dog and head back down the hill. Carol dozes on the drive back, and Daryl lets her because she needs it. 

 

“Hey,” he says softly when they pull into the garage where they left Sophia. She jolts a little and blinks blearily at him. “We're back.”

 

“Oh.” She looks out the window at her truck, and Daryl can feel her resistance. He gets it. He truly does. “Well, thank you for everything. You did a lot for me today.”

 

“Ain't nothin’,” he mumbles.

 

“It's somethin’. It's everything, honestly.” She thankfully doesn't make Daryl respond to that. She just undoes her seatbelt and hops out of the pick-up. “See you, Daryl. See you, Henry.” Daryl blinks.

 

“Henry?” he asks.

 

“Don't you think he looks like a Henry?” she asks, reaching in to give the dog a final ear scratch.

 

“I think he looks like a dog.” At Carol's face, he amends, “No, you're right. Definitely a Henry.”

 

“Good,” she says, smiling a little, but it doesn't reach her tired eyes. “See you in English class.” Daryl nods and she goes to shut the door.

 

“Hey, wait a second,” Daryl says abruptly. She stops and looks at him expectantly. “I get it, you don't want to talk about it. But you good?”

 

Carol considers this and then gives him a shrug.

 

“Gotta be,” she says. 

 

She shuts the door and waves. Daryl waves back and stays in the parking lot until she's driven away, Sophia rattling loudly as she goes.

 

It's not until late that he hears from her again.

 

(10:58p) *I'll tell you about it all. Just not yet.*

 

(11:01p) -im not asking u to-

 

(11:05p) *I know.*

 

(11:06p) *That's why I trust you to hear it.*

 

(11:06p) *Goodnight Daryl*

 

(11:08p) -nite-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't think you can actually see aquarius at that time of day in october, and it kind of bothers me that i wrote that, but of all the plot holes here, that's probably the one people care about the least. c'est la vie


	7. Chapter 7

_ Monday _

 

(7:46a) *Guess who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and is going to get an F on a test today??*

 

(7:46a) *This moi.*

 

(7:49a) -not feelin any better abt it huh?-

 

(7:52a) *I am going to be completely honest with you. God may have granted me an extra weekend in order to try and survive this test, but I did not even pretend to utilize it. My apathy and exhaustion is too high. I welcome failure with open arms. Let it consume me, I don't even care anymore.*

 

(7:54a) -yeah how many shots of espresso in ur coffee tdy?-

 

(7:56a) *Only two.*

 

(7:57a) -only-

 

(7:58a) *Shush you.*

 

(7:58a) *Feels like zero tbh. There is a decent possibility I may fall asleep during at least one class today.*

 

(8:00a) -wut time did u get to bed?-

 

(8:11a) *What is this “bed” of which you speak?*

 

(8:14a) - :/ -

 

(8:17a) *Idk, I fell asleep around 10, woke up, texted u, did things, slept again until??? Dunno how many hours it ended up being. I find it's better for my sanity if I don't bother to keep track.*

 

(8:21a) -how r u conshus-

 

(8:21a) -*consious-

 

(8:22a) -*concious-

 

(8:22a) -gdi-

 

(8:25a) *Conscious. Good effort tho.*

 

(8:25a) *And idk, I'm not entirely convinced I am. This may all just be some incredibly vivid dream which, if that's the case, I'm p irritated that even in my dreams I can't pass a French test.*

 

(8:27a) -mb its a nightmare-

 

(8:32a) *You know, that would make a lot more sense.*

 

(8:33a) *Idk why you're in my nightmare, tho. Nothing about you is particularly nightmarish. The opposite, in fact.*

 

(8:35a) -idk ur other friends r in it too-

 

(8:36a) *You mean like Michonne? The one whose ankle is being held together by screws bc I broke her bones?*

 

(8:37a) -oh yeah-

 

(8:37a) -nvm-

 

(8:42a) *Ig you and Henry are proof that this isn't a nightmare and I actually am awake and my body is running purely on caffeine and strength of will, but mostly caffeine.*

 

(8:42a) *How is Henry, btw?*

 

(8:43a) -fine. got him dog food and a couple toys tho he already tore up one-

 

(8:45a) *Did you tell him he was beautiful this morning?*

 

(8:45a) -no-

 

(8:47a) *Plz remedy that as soon as you get home.*

 

(8:48a) *Are you still camping in your yard with him?*

 

(8:50a) -he doesnt have a dog house yet-

 

(8:52a) *Sooooo... yes?*

 

(8:54a) -yeah-

 

(8:55a) *Again. Desk. Right here. You can sit in it.*

 

(8:57a) -front row-

 

(8:58a) *You got called on in the back row last week.*

 

(9:00a) -doesnt work all the time-

 

(9:06a) *That was still rly funny. I am literally right in front of her and she's never caught me texting, how did you do it so badly that she saw you all the way in the back corner?*

 

(9:10a) -shh-

 

(9:11a) *Lmao.*

 

(9:13a) *It's so cute and also pathetic how Rick constantly agrees with whatever Lori says, no matter what it is.*

 

(9:14a) *She could say “Honestly, I think Mary Shelley was a Nazi and Frankenstein promotes eugenics” and he'd still fumble all over himself and be like, “Yes, I agree, Frankenstein is basically Mein Kampf.”*

 

(9:16a) *LOL did you just cough to cover up your snort bc I could hear that all the way up here.*

 

(9:16a) *See /this/ is why you get caught texting.*

 

(9:19a) -stfu it was funny-

 

(9:21a) -anyway sux for rick since lori is slping w shane-

 

(9:26a) *Ummmmmmmm, excuse me but WHAT?*

 

(9:30a) *Daryl! Now is not the time to be paying attention in class! What are you talking about?!*

 

(9:32a) -oh-

 

(9:32a) -ig u didnt kno that-

 

(9:33a) *??????!!!!!??????!!!!!!??*

 

(9:33a) *Why do /you/ know that?*

 

(9:36a) -idk i told u i hear shit-

 

(9:37a) *Omg this is like pulling teeth. Daryl. What did you hear??*

 

(9:39a) -heard lori and shane tlking abt how his parents were gna be gone so theyd have the house to thmslves-

 

(9:40a) -this other time i saw them swapping spit over in those trees right off campus-

 

(9:41a) -this is weird gossiping is weird r we done tlking abt this?-

 

(9:43a) *It is admirable that you like to stay out of other people's business and I will do my best to respect this about you but also this is insane and I need to know everything.*

 

(9:44a) - :/ -

 

(9:46a) *Ok ok, I'll be good, I'm sorry. I am just in shock. Lori looked me in the eye less than a week ago and told me she's a virgin.*

 

(9:47a) -y were u even tlking abt that?-

 

(9:49a) *Idk, it comes up sometimes?*

 

(9:50a) *But you're missing the point. The point is that Lori is a goddamn liar, and, even worse, Shane is a cheating asshole.*

 

(9:51a) *Aaaand there you go. Bye speed racer, mb one day you'll day you'll acknowledge my existence in front of others.*

 

(9:53a) -i smiled at u-

 

(9:55a) *That was a brief grimace at best.*

 

(9:56a) -thats just my face-

 

(9:58a) *Lmao, you are impossible.*

 

(9:59a) *But back to the matter at hand, wtf do I do with this information?? Do I tell Andrea?*

 

(10:06a) *Oh gdi, this is the class you don't text in, I forgot.*

 

(10:11a) *W/e I'm just gonna text at you bc I need to process this.*

 

(10:12a) *Andrea and I are friends but we're not super close or anything.*

 

(10:12a) *Tho I suppose that if it were me I'd want to know.*

 

(10:13a) *But technically I don't think they're even officially dating, I think it's more of a fwb situation, but the way Andrea talks makes it sound like she's catching feelings, and if Shane is purposely keeping Lori a secret from her then that's just shitty and deceptive and he should be called out.*

 

(10:17a) *Ok, but all that being said, she is cheer captain and I already 1. suck at cheering and 2. crippled one of our best members, so I'm already on her bad side.*

 

(10:18a) *What if she decides to shoot the messenger??*

 

(10:18a) *Is it even allowed to kick someone off a team over allegations about someone's not-boyfriend screwing around with someone else?*

 

(10:26a) *I don't even like cheering, but I have zero other extracurriculars and those are supposed to be important for college.*

 

(10:27a) *I mean, if I even get to apply to college.*

 

(10:28a) *Lol college.*

 

(10:28a) *Lol future.*

 

(10:29a) *That was certainly a box I didn't mean to open. Let's shove that all right back down and not think about it.”

 

(10:29a) *Anyway.*

 

(10:35a) *Are you sure they're actually having sex?*

 

(10:36a) *No don't answer that you don't like to gossip.*

 

(10:42a) *But just, did they explicitly say stuff about sex?*

 

(10:42a) *Nope, don’t answer that either.*

 

(10:43a) *Mb they wanted to be alone bc Shane's parents would distract them from, idk, calculus homework?*

 

(10:44a) *Ok that’s my theory, Shane’s parents are just very anti-calculus and that’s why they are spending time alone together at his house so I am not obligated to tell Andrea anything.*

 

(10:45a) *Aw fuck, but you said they were making out. Nvm, forget that theory.*

 

(10:47a) *I did not hear a single word my chemistry teacher said this entire period.*

 

(10:51a) -24 new messages-

 

(10:51a) *Oh thank god you're back, I was starting to spiral.*

 

(10:53a) -yeah i noticed-

 

(10:54a) *What do I tell Andrea???*

 

(10:54a) *Do I tell her anything???*

 

(10:55a) -idfk. how did i get involved in this-

 

(10:55a) -idek these ppl-

 

(10:58a) *Yeah, so you're objective.*

 

(10:59a) -no im just confused-

 

(11:04a) *Ok, but what would you do if you were in this scenario?*

 

(11:06a) -there is no part of this i can relate to-

 

(11:10a) *Darylllll.*

 

(11:11a) *Wish.*

 

(11:13a) -i wish i never told u abt shane n lori-

 

(11:15a) *Wish doesn't count if you tell someone it.*

 

(11:16a) -i didnt see ur msg until 11:12 anyway-

 

(11:17a) *You're a monster.*

 

(11:21a) -¯\\_(ツ)_/¯-

 

(11:24a) *Omfg, stop picking up my bad habits.*

 

(11:25a) -ur rite that thing is useful-

 

(11:29a) *I suppose I deserve that.*

 

(11:33a) *SHIT.*

 

(11:36a) -?-

 

(11:37a) *I can't go to the cafeteria for lunch, Shane, Lori, /and/ Andrea sit there. I have a great poker face but this is too fresh. I need time to sort it all out.*

 

(11:38a) *Ik you won't eat lunch with me, but can I eat lunch with you? Or is that invading your space?*

 

(11:43a) -i dont mind-

 

(11:43a) -but wont ur friends wonder y ur gone?-

 

(11:45a) *Mb, but the only one who would rly follow up on it is Michonne and she stayed home bc she's still a stoned cyborg.*

 

(11:48a) -ok-

 

(11:49a) *That's cool then?-

 

(11:50a) -yeah-

 

(11:50a) *Awesome. Meet you at the tree.*

 

—-

 

Carol is already sitting at the base of the tree by the time Daryl gets there. He cannot remember a time in recent memory that he had someone to eat lunch with. He used to occasionally end up sitting with the other loner kids and they’d all eat in silence, but juniors and seniors are allowed to eat off campus, and he’s never looked back after that. Besides, this is entirely uncharted territory, because sure, he’s eaten lunch “with” people, but never with someone he considered a friend. 

 

He’s never been so nervous to eat a sandwich before.

 

“Hi,” Carol says brightly when he approaches. 

 

“Hey,” he mutters, tossing his backpack on the ground and sitting beside her. He pulls out a brown sack with an unremarkable PB&J, some potato chips, and an off-brand soda. “You eating?” he asks, noting Carol’s empty hands.

 

“Nah, I usually get food in the cafeteria. I get it for free; poor kids’ discount,” she says. She blushes a little, but Daryl takes it as a good sign that she’s seemed to accept that he isn’t going to give two shits if she’s got money or not. 

 

“Here,” he says, handing her half his sandwich. She shakes her head.

 

“You don’t have to give me your lunch, Daryl.”

 

“I get free lunch here, too, but it ain’t worth goin’ in the cafeteria and bein’ around everyone. Sometimes I don’t got the cash to bring lunch either, and those days suck ass, so take the damn sandwich,” he says. She regards him for a moment before cracking a small smile and taking half of the pathetic PB&J.

 

“Thanks,” she mutters, taking a small bite and politely covering her mouth while she chews, in stark contrast to the way Daryl eats his half in two huge bites that get jelly on the corners of his mouth, which he wipes away with his thumb and then wipes on his pants. After a minute he clears his throat.

 

“You got a game this Friday, right?” he asks.

 

“Unfortunately, yes,” Carol says, taking a potato chip Daryl offers her when he pops the bag open. 

 

“What time?”

 

“Game starts at seven, why?”

 

“Dunno,” Daryl says, flicking a few crumbs off the front of his shirt. “Thought I might go.” At the ringing silence that follows, Daryl forces himself to look over at Carol, who is gawking at him. “I don’t gotta,” he quickly amends.

 

“No no no,” Carol says quickly. “It’s just… why? I figured going to high school football games was on your list of top five things you’d rather be burned alive than do.” Daryl shrugs, and a look of comprehension falls over Carol’s face. “Is it about Ed?” she asks.

 

“I mean… It’s… I dunno.” He’d been worried about Ed Peletier since she told him what he did last Friday, but it all sounds stupid now that he’s saying it aloud. What exactly does he expect to do? Square up with Peletier and all his friends to defend Carol’s honor? Yeah, that would go swimmingly.

 

“You don’t have to go just to try and protect me, Daryl,” Carol says, and she sounds a little defensive.

 

“I know you can handle yourself,” Daryl says, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. “You showed them guys at the diner what’s what just fine, but…”

 

“But?” 

 

“I dunno,” he mutters, feeling shy. “You seem to go under the radar with them friends of yours sometimes, and I don’t want somethin’ to happen and for there to be no one there makin’ sure you’re okay.”  

 

He can’t pretend he hasn’t noticed how blind they all are to her. How no one seems to voice concern over the fact that she spends the only spare money she has on huge amounts coffee just so she can get through the day. How she has bag under her eyes that look like they’ve been there for years. How no one but him was there to jump her car when she was stranded in the parking lot, even though she has friends on the cheer team who should have still been around.

 

He also can’t pretend not to know that this is, at least somewhat, by design. 

 

Carol was right when she said she had a great poker face, but Daryl’s a great poker player, and he sees right through her like glass. And he knows that if something went down with Peletier, not only would no one notice, but she’d also never tell a soul. She is his friend—the only real friend he’s ever had—and maybe it’s only been a short while, but to him that means loyalty, and making sure she’s safe. 

 

“I’m not plannin’ on throwin’ any punches,” he tells her. She grants him a tiny laugh.

 

“Okay,” she says. “I’m not arguing. I told you I wanted you to go to game sometime. I just never expected you to actually do it.”

 

“Me neither.”

 

“You can’t sit by yourself, though, you gotta sit with Glenn, stop making that face.”

 

“Don’t know Glenn; it’ll be weird,” Daryl says, trying not to look disgusted and likely failing.

 

“He’s the sweetest kid ever, it’ll be fine, and it’ll make Maggie so happy to have someone keeping him company.”

 

“Don’t know Maggie neither.”

 

“Okay, well, it’ll make  _ me _ happy if you make Maggie happy, how about that?” Daryl groans. “Good! That’s settled then. I have history class with Maggie next period, I’ll tell her that you’re gonna hang out with Glenn at the game.”

 

“I regret this.”

 

“Too late, now. This is happening.”

 

“Fine. Wanna study French a little before lunch is over?”

 

“Ugh, Daryl,” Carol scoffs, reaching over and taking a sip of his soda. “We were having such a nice afternoon.”

 

—-

 

(1:51p) *Maggie is super excited that you're gonna go to the game and chill with Glenn.*

 

(1:52p) *Not that it'll matter bc I'm about to walk to my death anyway, so you'll be off the hook.*

 

(1:54p) - :/ -

 

(1:55p) *Is that at the prospect of hanging out with Glenn or at me experiencing death by French test?*

 

(1:56p) -both-

 

(1:56p) -u wont die. its just one test-

 

(1:59p) *Easy for you to say.*

 

(2:00p) *Time to meet my maker, bye!*

 

(2:00p) -smh bye-

 

(2:50p) *You have GOT to be FUCKING kidding me*

 

(2:52p) -?-

 

(2:53p) *We didn't have the test.*

 

(2:53p) *A G A I N*

 

(2:55p) -lmao y not this time?-

 

(2:56p) *She decided over the weekend that she didn't feel she covered conjugations enough and so it wasn't fair to give the test so we're just going to have a combined test with this week's material next Monday.*

 

(2:57p) *Why won't the universe just let me fail. Stop giving me all these chances, it's so stressful.*

 

(2:59p) -mb u just need a new way to study or smthn-

 

(3:03p) *Like what?*

 

(3:07p) -lol idfk-

 

(3:07p) -but u dont rmbr vocab worth a damn the way u study now-

 

(3:11p) *How about a speaking partner?*

 

(3:12p) -nope-

 

(3:13p) *Worth a shot.*

 

(3:13p) *What're your plans for this fucking delightful Monday evening?*

 

(3:17p) -dont work so im gonna start on the dog house. u?-

 

(3:18p) *The usual. Cheer, work, homework, not sleeping, etc*

 

(3:19p) *Send me updates on the dog house. And also just pictures of the dog. Actually, just as a general rule you should probably send me a minimum of three dog pictures a day.*

 

(3:22p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(3:22p) -thats from this morning-

 

(3:23p) * <3 <3 <3 *

 

(3:23p) *1 down, 2 to go. I'll expect the others before midnight.*

 

(3:25p) -lmao. yes ma'am. ttyl-

 

(3:26p) *Later.*

 

(6:27p) * _ carol sent a photo _ *

 

(6:28p) *In case you're wondering if you're reading that wrong, that napkin does indeed say “i love redheads. curious, do the carpet match the drapes? wanna show me?” followed by his phone number.*

 

(6:29p) *He left that instead of a tip.*

 

(6:29p) *So that's how my shift is going. I took my break early bc fuck this.”

 

(6:31p) -wow wtf-

 

(6:32p) -u deal w the shittiest dudes-

 

(6:35p) *The price of beauty ig.*

 

(6:35p) *(Jk I haven't washed my hair in two days and I spilled ketchup down the front of my uniform, guys are just disgusting.)*

 

(6:36p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(6:36p) -this help?-

 

(6:37p) * :’) *

 

(6:37p) *Yes it does. Is he helping you build things?*

 

(6:38p) -no he keeps getting the way and tried to eat a nail-

 

(6:39p) *Yeah but he's cute. :’) *

 

(6:40p) -ig-

 

(6:42p) *I have to get back to work.*

 

(6:42p) *I rly don't want to.*

 

(6:43p) -how late do u work til.*

 

(6:45p) *Just 9, so not as bad, but still.*

 

(6:45p) *Ok I gtg. You still owe me a dog pic.*

 

(6:46p) *Make it a good one.*

 

(6:48p) -aight-

 

(9:52p) *Bad news and bad news.*

 

(9:52p) *The bad news is that someone stole my aux cord out of my car while I was at work.*

 

(9:53p) *The other bad news is that the only two radio stations my car can pick up out where I live are a christian gospel station and a channel that seems to play exclusively mariachi music, so for twenty minutes I had to drive in total silence and actually hear all the terrifying noises Sophia makes.*

 

(9:54p) *I can see why she concerns you. She does not sound great.*

 

(9:59p) -no she doesnt-

 

(10:01p) -y do such shitty things keep happening to u?-

 

(10:03p) *Good fucking question.*

 

(10:03p) *I'm probably cursed. That, or my life rly is just this tragic. Either way I'm pretty over it.*

 

(10:06p) -u had one of those cd aux cords rite? ive got like three of those ill bring u one tmrrw-

 

(10:07p) *Ty.*

 

(10:10p) -u ok?-

 

(10:12p) *Right as rain.*

 

(10:13p) -carol-

 

(10:17p) *Yeah no, I'm p depressed. May or may not be crying into a bowl of ice cream rn.*

 

(10:17p) *It's not even good ice cream. It's neapolitan ice cream and I only had strawberry left.*

 

(10:18p) *No one actually likes neapolitan ice cream, that's why it's so cheap.*

 

(10:19p) *Strawberry ice cream is gross. Just double the amount of chocolate you idiots!!*

 

(10:22p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(10:22p) -im bad at cheering ppl up but i got henry to pose w his dog house 4 u earlier-

 

(10:25p) *What do you mean you're bad at cheering ppl up, that's the number one best way to cheer someone up.*

 

(10:26p) *Did you build that much just this afternoon?*

 

(10:27p) -yeah. i need to do the roof and im gonna put in a front patio part with a cover so he can lay inside or out if its raining-

 

(10:29p) *If everyone loved each other as much as you love that dog we would have world peace.*

 

(10:30p) *Thank you for the Henry pics.*

 

(10:33p) -np-

 

(10:33p) -sry things r shitty-

 

(10:34p) *I'm used to it. I'll live.*

 

(10:36p) -doesnt make it less shitty-

 

(10:41p) *Ig.*

 

(10:41p) *You do help tho. More than you think you do.*

 

(10:42p) *Plus whenever I get sad I can just think about how awkward you and Glenn are gonna be with each other on Friday and it’ll brighten my mood right up.*

 

(10:45p) -thnx-

 

(10:46p) * :) *

 

(10:47p) *I think I'm actually gonna go to sleep now. For a while at least. Talk to you in the morning?*

 

(10:48p) -course-

 

(10:49p) -nite carol-

 

(10:50p) *Goodnight Daryl.*

 

(10:50p) *(Goodnight Henry.)*

 

(10:52p) -he says gnite-

 

(10:53p) * :) *

 

(10:53p) *Things are looking up.*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos to anyone who caught the 30 rock reference
> 
> i am SO excited to write the daryl + glenn scene, i love writing their banter
> 
> hiatus time means fanfic time, amirite? i really should come up with a posting schedule, but for right now it's just whenever i finish a chapter and edit it. every few days, probably. i'll let y'all know if that changes. 
> 
> thnx for reading so far, y'all are the real mvps


	8. Chapter 8

_ Friday _

 

(7:28a) *Le chat mange une pomme.*

 

(7:32a) *Je suis une femme.*

 

(7:36a) *L'homme mange une pomme.*

 

(7:39a) *Ça va.*

 

(7:43a) -wut is happening?-

 

(7:45a) *Bonjour et bienvenue.*

 

(7:46a) -y r u sending me random french things?-

 

(7:47a) *I found a new way to study. I downloaded duolingo.*

 

(7:48a) *La fille mange une pomme.*

 

(7:50a) -tf is duolingo?-

 

(7:52a) *It's this language learning app that keeps track of how many days in a row you study and rewards you with little tokens and if you miss a day you're verbally abused by an owl.*

 

(7:53a) -an owl?-

 

(7:54a) *Yes.*

 

(7:54a) *It's green.*

 

(7:55a) *La femme et l'homme mangent une pomme.*

 

(7:56a) -y do u keep saying ppl r eating apples?-

 

(7:58a) *Bc the app teaches you by making you translate the same sentences over and over and it hasn't taught me any other fruits yet.*

 

(8:04a) -is it helping?-

 

(8:06a) *Oui!*

 

(8:07a) *I'm actually remembering vocab and I'm learning the grammar without even trying that hard. I think I sort of understand conjugations now.”

 

(8:08a) *That, and the green owl gives you little motivational pep talks every so often and it makes me feel good about myself.*

 

(8:12a) -well if ur test is abt ppl eating apples ur gna be golden-

 

(8:18a) *Smartass. That's just the beginning stuff. It has a bunch of shit. I'm just gonna keep doing lessons until I get to what we're covering in class.*

 

(8:19a) *I got rly into it last night. I fell asleep in the middle of a lesson on common phrases.*

 

(8:23a) -oh is that y u msged me at like 2am asking wut the lingot to dollar conversion rate is bc i just assumed u were slp texting-

 

(8:24a) -tf is a lingot btw?-

 

(8:34a) *Lol! I forgot I sent that. A lingot is the token thing you get when you accomplish different lessons and tasks, and then you can use them to buy things in the lingot store.*

 

(8:35a) *I bought the owl a fancy suit.*

 

(8:35a) *It has a monocle.*

 

(8:39a) - :/ -

 

(8:42a) *Anything that helps me pass French class, okay?*

 

(8:46a) -mmmmk-

 

(8:48a) *Oh shush.*

 

(8:49a) -an owl is teaching u french-

 

(8:51a) *Shove une pomme up your ass. :) *

 

(8:53a) -*va te fourte une pomme dans le cul-

 

(8:54a) *Rude. I'm not even gonna harass you to sit by me today. You insulted the owl that's gonna save my gpa.*

 

(8:56a) -lmao. sry. im glad u found a way to suck less at french-

 

(8:58a) *Too little too late, Daryl, I'll never forgive you.*

 

(8:59a) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(9:01a) *Nvm, you're forgiven. 1 of 3. Yesterday's belly-up sleeping pic will be hard to top tho.*

 

(9:02a) *He loves that house, you did so good making it, I'm still super impressed.*

 

(9:04a) -thnx. i still wna add some stuff to it-

 

(9:16a) *So funny story: I got so into studying french I never actually finished this week's reading, so I did not do well on that quiz just now.*

 

(9:19a) -w/e its worth like nothing of ur grade-

 

(9:19a) -that is rly funny tho since ull usually do anything to not study french-

 

(9:26a) *I'm a changed woman, Daryl.*

 

(9:29a) -bc of an owl?-

 

(9:36a) *I said what I said.*

 

(9:36a) *Anyway.*

 

(9:37a) *Are you excited for your super fun night tonight??*

 

(9:41a) -no-

 

(9:43a) *If it makes you feel better, I'm pretty sure Glenn is terrified.*

 

(9:44a) *And it's not like my night is gonna be much better. Andrea is still mad about me “always insinuating Shane is the bad guy” bc I told her about Lori, and it is making everything super awkward.*

 

(9:45a) *So we'll all be somewhat uncomfortable tonight!*

 

(9:47a) -gr8-

 

(9:49a) *In all seriousness, if you really don't want to go I won't hold it against you if you bail.*

 

(9:51a) -i wont bail-

 

(9:53a) *Aww you smiled at me!*

 

(9:53a) *You didn't even look like you were in severe pain doing it.*

 

(9:54a) *One day you might even say hello.*

 

(9:56a) -lets not be unrealistic-

 

(9:58a) *Lol!*

 

(9:59a) *A Henry picture before 10am and a rare Daryl oneliner. Not a bad start to a Friday, if I do say so myself.*

 

(9:59a) -stop-

 

(10:00a) *No.*

 

(10:01a) * :) *

 

—-

 

(10:35a) ~um. is this daryl?~

 

(10:51a) -yeah-

 

(10:51a) -whos this?-

 

(10:53a) ~glenn.~

 

(10:54a) -oh-

 

—-

 

(10:54a) -y does glenn have my phone number?-

 

(10:55a) *I gave it to Maggie to give to him so you guys could message each other and figure out where you want to meet up tonight.*

 

(10:56a) -mmk. but hes msging me rn. wut do i do?-

 

(10:58a) *I assume respond?*

 

(10:59a) - :/ -

 

(11:01a) *Just use your words, Daryl.*

 

(11:01a) - :/ -

 

(11:02a) *You got this.*

 

—-

 

(11:03a) -wut do u want?-

 

(11:06a) ~sorry if i'm bothering you! i just wanted to see if you were still planning on going to the foosball game tonight?~

 

(11:06a) ~ *football. sorry, autocorrect.~

 

(11:09a) -ya im going-

 

(11:11a) ~ok. cool. me too.~

 

(11:12a) -yeah ik-

 

(11:13a) ~right. well, i guess i'll see you there. wanna meet somewhere or should we just try and finish each other?~

 

(11:13a) ~autocorrect. *find.~

 

(11:14a) -idrc. ill find u ig-

 

(11:17a) ~cool.~

 

(11:17a) ~see you then.~

 

(11:20a) -k-

 

—-

 

(11:11a) *Wish.*

 

(11:13a) -missed it bc i was tlking to glenn-

 

(11:13a) -how long do the games last?-

 

(11:15a) *Idk, like an hour and a half, give or take?*

 

(11:18a) -wtf am i gna tlk to him abt for an hr and a half?-

 

(11:21a) *We've hung out longer than that and you've never had a problem.*

 

(11:23a) -thats bc its u. i already kno u-

 

(11:27a) *You didn't, and we got along just fine that first day.*

 

(11:29a) -ya well u tlk a lot so i dont have to say much-

 

(11:32a) *Rude!*

 

(11:35a) -its a good thing. i dont like to tlk-

 

(11:39a) *Well, I wouldn't put it past Glenn to be a nervous talker, so maybe you'll get lucky and he'll just babble at you the whole time and you can just nod occasionally and pretend like you're listening.”

 

(11:46a) -hope so-

 

(11:49a) *It'll be fine, Daryl, I promise.*

 

(11:50a) *I already know the answer, but wanna eat lunch with us today?*

 

(11:52a) -arent i being tortured enuf?-

 

(11:55a) *I will take that as a no.*

 

(11:55a) *But I'm gonna keep asking! One day you'll surprise me and say yes.*

 

(11:57a) -rite-

 

(11:59a) *Mb your evening with Glenn will inspire you to spread your social wings.*

 

(12:02p) -it will prbly make me not tlk to anyone ever again-

 

(12:06p) *You can stop talking to me but you still have to send me pictures of Henry.*

 

(12:08p) -yeah yeah-

 

(12:10p) *I'm using you for your dog.*

 

(12:12p) -thats ok-

 

(12:12p) -hes a good dog-

 

(12:13p) -im taking him to the vet b4 the game for a checkup and to make sure hes not chipped-

 

(12:18p) *What happens if he is??*

 

(12:19p) -keep him anyway bc his other owners almost got him killed-

 

(12:25p) *You'd just steal him?*

 

(12:27p) -wdnt u?-

 

(12:34p) *Fair.*

 

(12:37p) *God lunch is uncomfortable knowing about Lori and Shane, and having Andrea pissed off at me. I would have thought by now it'd cool down a little, but I should have just eaten with you all week.*

 

(12:42p) -if its still awk next week feel free-

 

(12:43p) -if u want-

 

(12:49p) *I might. I'm stressed enough, I don't need to be stressed to eat lunch too.*

 

(12:51p) -all this dumb drama and u think itd be gud for me to make more friends?-

 

(12:55p) *Dumb drama is better than being all by yourself.*

 

(12:57p) -doesnt seem like it-

 

(12:59p) *Well hang out with us and make friends and then you can compare. It'll be a science experiment.*

 

(1:01p) -ha-

 

(2:34p) *Daryl!!!*

 

(2:39p) -hm?-

 

(2:42p) *I got asked a question in French class and, get this, /I knew the answer/!!!*

 

(2:43p) *Praise be to my Lord and Savior, the duolingo owl.*

 

(2:47p) -lmao ur so weird-

 

(2:49p) *Mb I am, but I know the difference between vous and tu.*

 

(2:55p) -gud job-

 

(3:02p) *Thank you.*

 

(3:02p) *Are you gonna go get Henry now?*

 

(3:04p) -mhm-

 

(3:07p) *Okay. Good luck. Tell me what the vet says. See you tonight?*

 

(3:09p) -ya-

 

(3:11p) *Your enthusiasm is unparalleled. Later!*

 

(3:15p) -bye-

 

(5:10p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(5:11p) -no chip. hes mine-

 

(5:32p) *!!!!!!*

 

(5:32p) *The best news I've heard all week!

 

(5:36p) -did u see his collar-

 

(5:37p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(5:42p) *You got him an engraved dog tag! That makes it official. Congrats on becoming a father, Daryl.*

 

(5:44p) -lmao-

 

(5:45p) *Btw the collar pic doesn't count as pic #3 for the day since I can't rly see his face.*

 

(5:49p) -ok ill save u one 4 after the game-

 

(5:49p) -in case ed says smthn stupid and pisses u off-

 

(5:52p) *Good thinking.*

 

(5:53p) *I wish Henry could come too. I miss him.*

 

(5:57p) -i wish so too bc then he n glenn cud tlk to each other n i wldnt have to-

 

(5:58p) -also u can see him sometime-

 

(5:59p) -if u want i mean-

 

(6:06p) *I'd like that. :) *

 

(6:09p) -cool-

 

(6:12p) -wut time shud i be there? shud i go now?-

 

(6:13p) *Did you ask Glenn what time he's gonna get here?*

 

(6:14p) *What am I saying, of course you didn't.*

 

(6:14p) *Just come now. By the time you get here and get in and everything it'll be close to kickoff.*

 

(6:16p) -ugh k-

 

(6:17p) *Put on a smile on that face!*

 

(6:17p) *Take advice from cheer captain Andrea: “I don't give a shit if you're sad mad or constipated, just make sure the crowd thinks you're happy to be here.”*

 

(6:18p) -cheerleading sounds horrible-

 

(6:20p) *It is.*

 

(6:20p) *See you soon!*

 

—-

 

By the time Daryl pays his five dollars to get in—which he finds ridiculous, because, frankly, he feels he should be getting paid to be here and not vice versa—the bleachers are already packed. He scans the crowd. He's got a quick eye, and spots Glenn sitting at the end of a row with a space open beside him, drumming his fingers on his knees and glancing around nervously. Daryl takes one last second to psych himself up before going up the stairs to greet him.

 

“Hey,” he grunts. Glenn's head snaps up.

 

“Daryl, hey, hi, you found me.” He gives an anxious grin that makes Daryl lift a brow. Is he really that intimidating? “Oh, you probably want to sit down, huh?” Glenn lifts up the pizza box that was saving Daryl's spot, and Daryl squints at it.

 

“Why do you have a pizza?” he asks, not moving to sit just yet.

 

“Oh, I deliver pizzas so I get discounts at the shop. These things get long, and I get hungry.”

 

“They let you bring that in?”

 

“No,” Glenn says with a hint of a smile. “But I'm pretty good at sneaking in places. I come to these every week, do you really think I'm gonna waste five bucks every time, and then waste more money on shitty, overpriced concessions?”

 

All fair points, Daryl concedes. He shrugs his approval and squeezes past Glenn's knees and sits down on the cold, uncomfortable metal of the bleacher. Neither of them says anything. It is not a pleasant silence.

 

“Weather's nice,” Glenn says.

 

“Yeah,” Daryl grunts. “Been warm for October.”

 

“Yep. Real warm.”

 

They lapse back into silence. Daryl regrets getting here so early. The game doesn't start for another fifteen minutes. He wracks his brain for something— _ anything _ —to talk about. What does he do when he doesn't know how to reply to Carol? he thinks.

 

“Wanna see a picture of my dog?” he asks Glenn. Glenn blinks a few times at him.

 

“Uh, yeah,” he says. “For sure.”

 

Wordlessly, Daryl pulls out his phone and opens up his albums. Like a proud new parent showing off their baby, Daryl scrolls through pictures of Henry while Glenn looks over his shoulder and makes polite noises of approval.

 

“How long have you had him?” Glenn asks.

 

“Only like a week. He was a stray,” Daryl replies, swiping to a particularly good photo of Henry rolling around in a puddle of mud. (Daryl has 39 pictures total on his phone. 38 of them are of Henry, and one is a blurry picture of the ground he took when he accidentally dropped his phone while trying to take a picture of Henry.)

 

“What's his name?”

 

“Henry,” he says, and adds without thinking, “Carol named him.”

 

“Really?” Glenn asks. “Huh, you and Carol hit it off right away, didn't you?”

 

“I guess,” Daryl mutters, sliding his phone back into his pocket.

 

“How'd you two even meet?”

 

“I helped her jump her car.”

 

“And the rest is history?”

 

“I mean, I guess. We text and stuff.” He doesn't say just how  _ much  _ they text.

 

“Speak of the devil,” Glenn says then, nodding down towards the field where the cheerleaders are filing in. They jump up and down and wave their pompoms in the air as the crowd cheers them on.

 

Carol is at one of the ends, bouncing around with her curly hair up in a ponytail. She's got on the biggest smile Daryl has ever seen, and he's impressed at how good she is at lying. His cynical, dark-humored friend is nowhere to be seen behind this bubbly girl in the cheer uniform. It's almost unsettling, the difference between the Carol he knows and the Carol he's seeing.

 

“Watching Maggie down there is the only reason I bother coming to these things,” Glenn says. “The football players are constantly asking her out, and I'm like, suck it losers, she picked this nerd over you.”

 

Daryl isn't sure what he's supposed to say to that so he says nothing, and instead watches Carol. She's laughing at something the girl next to her said, and he can tell by the way her face lights up that it's a real laugh and not one for show. The sight of it makes him feel oddly queasy.

 

“Pizza?” Glenn asks suddenly, snapping Daryl out of it. He looks over at Glenn who's holding open the box of pizza. “Meat lovers with extra cheese.”

 

“Thanks,” Daryl mumbles, taking a slice and turning back to Carol.

 

“She's single, you know,” Glenn says. Daryl frowns at him.

 

“What?” 

 

“Carol. She's not seeing anyone.” He adds, “Maggie keeps me in the loop of all the gossip.”

 

“What difference does it make to me if she's single or not?” Daryl asks, annoyed that the stadium lights make it so he can't hide his blush.

 

“Dude,” Glenn says flatly. “You're straight up staring at her.”

 

“No I ain't.” At Glenn's face, he says, “So what if I am, where else am I supposed to look? Game's not started. Should I be ogling your girl instead?”

 

“Okay, so we agree that what you're doing is ogling?”

 

“That ain't what I said,” Daryl huffs, turning back to face the front and pointedly not looking at Carol.

 

“I mean, it’s not like anyone would blame you for being into her. Carol’s, you know, a real cool girl. Woman? Person.” 

 

“I ain’t into Carol. She’s a friend.” Daryl’s already vowing to never interact with anyone new ever again.

 

“Are you sure? I’m just saying you’ve got some pretty serious heart eyes going there.”

 

“We’re done with this now,” Daryl says severely. “Kick off’s about to happen. Let’s just watch the game.”

 

“Okay, but—”

 

“Quietly.”

 

Whatever words were on Glenn’s lips evaporate and his mouth snaps shut. He gives a tight nod, and the two of them go right back into their painfully awkward silence. Daryl eats the remainder of his pizza in a few sloppy bites and brushes the crumbs off his hands. Football happens down on the field. Daryl doesn’t give that big of a shit about sports, honestly. He’s got all the knowledge of a sports fan, but that’s just because he grew up in a house with a brother and a father who spent the evenings screaming at the TV, getting more and more belligerent with every beer. And as much as Daryl doesn’t care for professional sports, he cares even less about _high_ _school_ sports. 

 

“Daryl?” Glenn says after a good fifteen minutes of sitting tense like a statue at Daryl’s side.

 

“Hm?” Daryl grunts.

 

“This game is fucking boring,” and Daryl sighs, because God, it  _ is _ .

 

“I know,” he says reluctantly.

 

“Can we… wanna try talking again?” 

 

“You gonna talk about me and Carol?” Neither of them are looking at the other. They’re both just staring blankly down at the field where things they couldn’t care less about are happening. 

 

“No, we can talk about whatever you want.” 

  
That doesn't help at all. Daryl doesn't want to talk about anything. Ever.

 

Well. Unless he's talking to Carol.

 

He scrambles for a conversation topic. He used the dog card too soon. 

 

“Hey, you ever heard of this thing called duolingo?” he asks. 

 

“Yeah,” Glenn says, looking surprised at the abrupt subject change. “I use it to study Spanish. Why, do  _ you _ use it?” A funny thing happens on Glenn’s face where it’s clear he can’t see recreational language learning being something Daryl would be into, but he also doesn’t want Daryl to know he thinks that. The result is a thin-lipped smile and nervous eyes, and Daryl almost snorts.

 

“No,” he says. “I was texting… someone about it earlier and I just was wondering what it was.” 

 

“Here,” Glenn says, whipping out his phone. He clicks on an icon of, wouldn’t you know it, a little green owl. 

 

“Oh, that’s what she was talking about,” Daryl mutters, not meaning to say that out loud. Glenn glances at him.

 

“Carol was the one telling you about this, wasn’t she?”

 

“So what if she was?” Daryl says defensively, pretending to be really into the app layout. 

 

“How often do you guys text?”

 

“I thought we weren’t talking ‘bout Carol,” Daryl says gruffly, pulling away, suddenly disinterested in however it is this duolingo shit works. 

 

“Hey man,” Glenn says, holding up his hands. “It’s none of my business. I’m just saying that if,  _ if _ , you’re interested, I’d make a move sooner than later. She’s got her own fan club, same as Maggie. Her ex—that dude, Ezekiel—Maggie says he’s still into her. And Tobin, that benchwarmer down there on the field? He’s been eyeing her for at least a year. Not to mention Ed Peletier.”

 

“Ed Peletier is a piece of shit,” Daryl says, more forcefully than he intends to.

 

“He is,” Glenn agrees. “But there’s a reason he’s dated half of the girls in our year. He’s a charmer.”

 

“You really know all this shit ‘cause of Maggie?”

 

“Yeah, although in retrospect,” Glenn says thoughtfully, “she told me not to tell anyone a lot of that. But I’m so terrible at keeping secrets, dude, she should have known that. Like, she told me not to tell anyone that Shane and Lori are having sex together, and I like,  _ immediately _ accidentally told her little sister when she came into the room and asked what we were talking about.” Daryl blinks at him. Glenn comically slaps his forehead with the palm of his hand. “Shit, I did it again, didn’t I?”

 

“I already knew that anyway,” Daryl says. “You  _ are _ an idiot, though.”

 

“I don’t even mean to do it! It just slips out!” Daryl rolls his eyes. “Look, my point is, you should ask Carol out if you got a thing for her, because she probably won’t be single for long.”

 

“I don’t got feelings for Carol, I don’t get why you’re so hung up on that.”

 

“I mean, we’ve been going to the same schools since sixth grade and I’ve never seen you hang out with anyone. You’re kind of known for being this recluse, and now all of a sudden Carol is telling everyone you guys are becoming great friends and are talking all the time. It’s not bad, just...weird, you know?”

 

“She says that?” Daryl asks, with the exact inflection someone would ask, “You mean she  _ talks about me _ ?!” and he hates himself for it instantly.

 

“Yeah, everyone knows you guys are friends. She thinks you’re really cool, which is why I’m wondering how you feel about her.”

 

“I don’t feel no way about her.”

 

“But you talk to her every day?”

 

“I mean, yeah.”

 

“Are we talking, like, just a few texts in the afternoon, or are there like, good morning and goodnight texts going on?”

 

“Isn’t it just polite to send those?” 

 

“Right. And when was the last time you came to a school function before this?”

 

“...Never.”

 

“And she named your dog?”

 

“Well, she didn’t like the name I had for him.” 

 

“What name?”

 

“Dog.”

 

“Okay, that’s a dumbass name, so I’m on her side, but the point is, you, Daryl Dixon, the kid everyone figured would go through the entirety of school without talking to a single one of us voluntarily, are suddenly tied at the hip with Carol Miller, and say what you want, but you were one hundred percent ogling her earlier.” 

 

Daryl stares at Glenn for a long moment.

 

“Shit,” he says. “Do I have a thing for Carol?” That would certainly explain why he always feels vaguely nauseous whenever he thinks about her too long. 

 

“Kinda seems like you do, dude.”

 

Daryl tries to digest this, when a horrifying thought hits him. He raises a hand and points a finger so close to Glenn’s face he’s almost touching his nose. Glenn’s shoulders raise to his chin and his eyes go wide.

 

“ _ You _ .  _ Cannot _ .  _ Tell _ .  _ Anyone _ ,” Daryl says. 

 

“Oh no,” Glenn says. “Dude, I told you, I’m terrible at—”

 

“Don’t care. No one knows about this. Not even Maggie. Keep your lips fucking shut or I will… I don’t fucking know, mail you dog shit every day until you die.”

 

“Can you even legally send dog shit through the mail?”

 

“Not the point, Glenn! You  _ cannot _ tell. Carol  _ can’t _ know.” Daryl may be panicking a little. What would Carol do if she knew he was pining after her like a fool? Laugh in his pathetic, redneck face, probably. Or worse, politely let him down and then slowly distance herself from him until the only friend he’s ever had is gone for good. 

 

“Okay okay okay!” Glenn says. “Put your hand down, I won’t tell.”

 

“If you do…”

 

“I won’t.” Glenn doesn’t sound particularly confident about this, and Daryl wants to shake him.

 

“I’ll know,” he says. “I hear people running their mouths about stuff all the time, so if you tell, I will find out, and I will destroy you.” 

 

“Yes, alright, I understand. No telling, cross my heart, our little secret.”

 

“Yeah,” Daryl says, willing himself to calm down. “Yeah, our secret, fine, that’s fine.” He swallows thickly and takes a deep breath. “‘Kay. Now let’s stop talkin’ about this forever, and give me another piece of pizza.”

 

Glenn hands him the box, his hands noticeably shaking at the prospect of making a pact with someone like Daryl. Good, Daryl thinks. Let him be afraid, as long as Carol never finds out the truth. That’s the only thing that matters.

 

—-

 

“So how painful was it?” Carol asks. She’s come up to where he’s loitering off to the side away from the rest of her friends. She’s flush from all the exercise and has a cheeky grin on her face, and the only thing Daryl can think is,  _ shit shit shit shit shit _ . Fuck Glenn for making him self-aware of his feelings for Carol.

 

“I survived,” Daryl says. 

 

“Glad to hear it,” she says.

 

“Peletier give you any shit?”

 

“Nope, and I think he’s already left, so I might be in the clear.”

 

“Good.”

 

“We’re all going to Rick’s place to hang out. He told me to tell you to come. I know you don’t want to go, and that’s totally fine, but I just wanted you to know the invitation was there so you know everyone will welcome you if you ever feel like changing your mind about stuff like that.”

 

“Thanks,” Daryl mutters, feeling shy. Crushes aside, being friends with Carol has brought about so many new experiences he doesn’t know how to navigate, and it stresses him out a little.

 

But, he figures, it’s worth it. 

 

“Thank you for coming, and for keeping Glenn company.”

 

“It really wasn’t so bad. He’s alright.” Actually, he’s a goddamn nuisance, but now that they’re bonded together by a dumbass secret, he figures he has to at least tolerate him.

 

“Even so, I know it was hard for you to come here, and I appreciate it.”

 

“Ain’t nothin’.”

 

“It’s something. It always is.”

 

“Yo, Carol, you coming?” Shane shouts from the crowd up ahead.

 

“Yeah, just a sec,” she calls back. She looks at Daryl. “That’s my cue,” she tells him. 

 

“Have fun,” Daryl says nodding. 

 

“See you, Daryl,” she says with a sweet smile that makes Daryl anxious. He waves her goodbye and watches her bounce over to her friends.

 

It’s not until he gets home that he texts her.

 

(10:03p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(10:17p) *Omg, I almost forgot!*

 

(10:18p) *Holy shit, that’s cute. If Ed had been a dick tonight that picture totally would have cheered me up.*

 

Daryl catches himself smiling at his phone and immediately rebukes himself.

 

It’s entirely possible that he’s got it bad.

 

—-

 

(11:02p) ~okay, the only way i’m going to be able to keep this a secret is if i can at least talk to you about it, because i’ve already almost told maggie twice.~

 

(11:07p) -im gna kill u glenn-

 

(11:09p) ~i /didn’t/ tell her, but i have to have an outlet or it’s just gonna come out.~

 

(11:10p) ~let’s just be buddies? so i don’t accidentally do something to make you break everything i own?~

 

(11:13p) - :/ -

 

(11:14p) ~it’ll be fine! besides, i think you’re a real Cool Whip guy~

 

(11:14p) ~autocorrect, sorry~

 

(11:14p) ~*cool guy~

 

(11:16p) -jfc-

 

(11:17p) ~ :)? ~

 

(11:18p) - :/ -

 

(11:20p) ~welp. it’s a start.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a 530 day streak on duolingo. anyway.
> 
> i thiiiink i'm gonna try a posting schedule of every thursday and sunday. if that ends up being too much, i'll give a heads up, but that's the tentative plan.
> 
> thanks for reading, bros!
> 
> -diz


	9. Chapter 9

_ Monday _

 

(7:39a) *Reached an all-time low and just put $3 worth of gas in my truck.*

 

(7:40a) *Hopefully it'll last me until Thursday when I get paid.*

 

(7:40a) *I never actually know how much gas is in Sophia anyway bc of the gauge being stuck so I've pretty much been working off a prayer system this whole time anyway.*

 

(7:42a) -every time u tlk abt that truck i lose a yr off my life-

 

(7:44a) *¯\\_(ツ)_/¯*

 

(7:45a) -smh-

 

(7:47a) *I don't want to be at school today.*

 

(7:47a) *You know where I wanna go?*

 

(7:48a) *The pumpkin patch.*

 

(7:50a) -y the pmpkn patch?-

 

(7:52a) *I was thinking about how I haven't been since I was a kid, but it used to be my favorite thing in the fall.*

 

(7:53a) *It costs a million dollars tho and who's got time for things like fun?*

 

(7:56a) -ive nvr been to a pmpkn patch-

 

(7:58a) *Daryl that's the most depressing thing I have ever heard.*

 

(7:58a) *If I had money, time, a functioning car, and zero responsibilities I would force you to go to the pumpkin patch with me.*

 

(7:59a) *Alas, we shall both live a pumpkin patchless October and be worse off for it.*

 

(8:00a) *C'est la vie.*

 

(8:00a) *(See how I spoke French? I'm preparing for my test. I may still totally fail lmao.)*

 

—-

 

(7:41a) ~daryl, red alert!~

 

(7:42a) -wut do u want?-

 

(7:44a) ~maggie was telling me on the way to school that ezekiel, tobin, /and/ ed are all invited to phillip blake's party this saturday.~

 

(7:46a) -y am i supposed to care abt this?-

 

(7:47a) ~dude!!! that's like, your entire competition in one spot!~

 

(7:48a) -competition?-

 

(7:49a) ~yes! they're all trying to get with carol and she's gonna be at that party! are you going?~

 

(7:53a) -id rather drink bleach-

 

(7:55a) ~i’m telling you, dude, if you're not careful one of these guys is gonna snatch up your grill.~

 

(7:58a) -o no not my grill-

 

(7:59a) ~gdi. *girl.~

 

(8:00a) -go 2 class n fuk off glenn-

 

—-

 

(8:02a) -wuts even at the pmpkn patch? cnt u just like buy a pmpkn at the store?-

 

(8:05a) *It's kinda like a fair, but fall and Halloween themed, so there's like, spooky shit, and caramel apples, and... idk, other stuff. It's just fun.*

 

(8:06a) *Tbh I kind of just like the fall aesthetic. It makes me happy.*

 

(8:06a) *Do you have a favorite season?*

 

(8:13a) -fall is p gud. pretty. i h8 winter tho. dnt like being cold-

 

(8:17a) *You'd really hate it up north then. I went on a trip to South Dakota for Christmas when I was like nine. I have family up there, and I think they are completely insane for staying there. It snowed up to my knees and the temperature was below zero.*

 

(8:24a) -yeah fuk that-

 

(8:24a) -ive nvr been out of georgia but if i left id only want to go south. warmer the better-

 

(8:29a) *If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?*

 

(8:32a) -hell idk-

 

(8:32a) -to live or visit?-

 

(8:37a) *Doesn't matter. Just some place that you've always wanted to see.*

 

(8:39a) -irdk-

 

(8:40a) *Nothing??*

 

(8:42a) -somewhere w/ forest and cool nature shit ig. dsnt matter where it is tho-

 

(8:45a) *So you're not really about the location so much as what's /in/ the location?*

 

(8:47a) -ig so-

 

(8:49a) *I'm imagining you in a nice log cabin in the woods somewhere, with like, a little stream nearby, and mb some mountains in the distance.*

 

(8:51a) -thatd be cool-

 

(8:54a) *Daryl!!!*

 

(8:54a) *Did you just mutter hi to me when you walked past just now???*

 

(8:56a) -its nbd-

 

(8:57a) *You said words to me and Rick and Shane were right there too! <3 <3 <3*

 

(8:58a) - :/ -

 

(8:58a) *I didn't even say hi back!*

 

(8:59a) -ya rude. c if i say it again evr-

 

(9:00a) *In my defense, you made zero eye contact and it also took me a minute to figure out if you said hi or made a rly weird grunt.*

 

(9:01a) *But I appreciate it regardless.*

 

(9:01a) -uh huh-

 

(9:07a) -where wud u go?-

 

(9:10a) *If I could go anywhere you mean?*

 

(9:13a) -ya-

 

(9:17a) *I think in reality I'm kind of like you, where I'd like to just be somewhere comfortable and nice, but there's this part of me that's always wanted to go on one of those rly extravagant vacations.*

 

(9:18a) *Like those ones rich people go on, where they have bottomless mimosas for breakfast and hard liquor at one in the afternoon and meals where you have eighty forks for no reason, and all you do all day is sit on a white sand beach and have hot guys bring you your booze in coconuts with big straws, and they're like, fanning you with a leaf or something, idk.*

 

(9:19a) *If I ever went on one I'd probably go insane and hate it, but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. The poor kid in me wants to buy a giant sun hat for a hundred dollars and tan on some tropical island for a week gdi.*

 

(9:20a) *(I don't even tan. My skin just becomes 80% freckle.)*

 

(9:21a) *That probably sounds like hell to you, doesn't it?*

 

(9:24a) -i mean-

 

(9:24a) -it sounds better than philip blakes halloween party-

 

(9:27a) *Lol!*

 

(9:28a) *What doesn't sound better than that, honestly?*

 

(9:28a) *Why are you even thinking about his party?*

 

(9:31a) -eh glenn keeps telling me to go-

 

(9:34a) *Wait, has Glenn been texting you?*

 

(9:37a) -sometimes idk-

 

(9:38a) *Daryl Dixon, did you make a friend and not tell me?!*

 

(9:40a) -no-

 

(9:40a) -i caught an annoying parasite that has my phone number for some reason-

 

(9:41a) -hes also worse at txtng thn me. y dsnt he just turn off autocorrect?-

 

(9:45a) *Hahahahahaha!*

 

(9:45a) *Bc Maggie refuses to show him how.*

 

(9:47a) -y dsnt he just google it?-

 

(9:48a) *Bc for a smart kid he has remarkably dumb moments.*

 

(9:48a) *Don't you dare show him, btw, he has to figure it out on his own.*

 

(9:49a) -bc…?-

 

(9:49a) *It's a science experiment.*

 

(9:50a) *Also it's hilarious. Don't ruin our fun, Daryl.*

 

(9:51a) -smh. k but only bc he suffers from it-

 

(9:51a) *Aw, you guys are besties. :)*

 

(9:52a) *No goodbye today I see.*

 

(9:55a) -i said hi dnt be greedy-

 

(9:57a) *Idk, you haven't even sent a Henry pic yet today so I think I'm entitled to a little greed.*

 

(9:58a) -yeah ok-

 

(9:58a) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(9:59a) * :’) *

 

(9:59a) *Thank you, Daryl.*

 

(10:00a) -np-

 

(10:54a) -u wud hate a rich ppl vacation-

 

(10:56a) *Explain.*

 

(10:58a) -itd be ppl doing stuff for u for days. u h8 ppl doing stuff for u-

 

(10:59a) -n thered be other rich ppl there tlkng abt rich ppl bullshit-

 

(10:59a) -n guys like at ur job xcpt theyd be drunk so theyd be even worse-

 

(11:00a) -plus i think they water down the booze-

 

(11:04a) *Damn. You're probably right.*

 

(11:04a) *It sounds so nice in theory tho.*

 

(11:09a) -to u mb-

 

(11:11a) *Your dream vacation is probably camping isn't it, also wish.*

 

(11:13a) -missed it bc i got called on n had to speak french out loud n now i wnt 2 die-

 

(11:14a) -also camping is gr8 as long as u kno wut ur doing-

 

(11:16a) *I forgive you for missing it out of “Being Fucked By French” solidarity.*

 

(11:17a) *What's the longest you've ever camped, not counting sleeping in a tent for a week to keep your dog company?*

 

(11:21a) -idk when i was ten i cudnt find my way home n i was out for 4 days, n during the summers i usually spend a week out there-

 

(11:23a) *I don't think that first one counts as camping so much as being lost. Did no one look for you?*

 

(11:25a) -i was fine. it was kinda fun xcpt 4 the poison oak. i got home eventually n made a sandwich. nbd-

 

(11:28a) * :/ *

 

(11:31a) -that ones mine-

 

(11:36a) *If you can use the shrug emoji I can use the slant face emoji.*

 

(11:39a) -smh fine-

 

(11:42a) *I'm gonna eat in the cafeteria today, btw. I'd rather eat with you bc it's still super awkward, but Michonne finally admitted she needs help carrying her books and trays and stuff, and since I'm the one who crippled her I feel it's my obligation.*

 

(11:44a) -thats cool. how is she?-

 

(11:47a) *Stubborn af. She's already going to the gym again. Quote: “I have muscles in my body besides my ankle that I'm not gonna neglect just bc of some small injury.*

 

(11:48a) *I remind you that they had to put literal screws in her body bc the bones were so fucked up.*

 

(11:51a) -idrk her but that seems abt rite-

 

(11:53a) *Yeah no it's 100% on brand, she's ridiculous.*

 

(11:56a) -shane just wlked past me in the hallway n said sup dixon. y did he do that?-

 

(11:58a) *Lmao! He was probably just being friendly. Did you say anything back or did you just squint at him?*

 

(12:00p) -2nd one-

 

(12:06p) *Everyone's curious about you now that you and I are talking.*

 

(12:09p) -dnt like that-

 

(12:09p) -tell thm to stop-

 

(12:16p) *Out of my hands, I'm afraid.*

 

(12:18p) *Everyone is talking about the party this weekend and it is filling me with dread.*

 

(12:21p) -y r u going if u dnt even want to?-

 

(12:26p) *Promised Michonne, and also I'm actually being encouraged by my dad to go bc, and I quote, “Mb you'll find a nice boy there.”*

 

(12:27p) *Kill me. :)*

 

(12:32p) -ur dad actually wnts u 2 hook up at a party?-

 

(12:40p) *Well not hook up, but he's very concerned that I'm almost eighteen and have voiced flights of fancy such as going to college to get something other than my MRS degree.*

 

(12:41p) *“If you get you the right kind of man he should be able to provide for you.”*

 

(12:41p) *Can you tell my dad grew up in very small town Georgia with super traditional parents?*

 

(12:43p) - :/ -

 

(12:45p) *Yeah basically.*

 

(12:46p) *It's also hilarious that he thinks I'm going to find Prince Charming at Philip Blake's house.*

 

(12:46p) *Me during my wedding vows: “Once I saw him win at shirtless beer pong I just knew he was the one.”*

 

(12:47p) -i lold-

 

(12:49p) *Yeah, I'm not holding out hope of finding true love this Saturday.*

 

(12:52p) *I just dropped Michonne's lunch tray and splattered mac and cheese remnants all over the floor and my pants, so I am actually a disaster and feel sorry for anyone who wants to date me anyway.*

 

(12:54p) -ur not a disaster-

 

(12:54p) -tho im starting to believe the cursed theory-

 

(12:55p) *God right.*

 

(12:56p) *Although it may be less “cursed” and more “perpetually exhausted and malnourished” but who's to say?*

 

(12:57p)) -dont die-

 

(1:00p) *Yeah yeah.*

 

—-

 

(11:59p) ~should i run interference?~

 

(12:02p) -wut-

 

(12:04p) ~at the party. should i try and keep the other guys away from her?~

 

(12:08p) -jfc y r u so obsessed w/ this?-

 

(12:12p) ~because the sooner you and carol get together the sooner i don't have to try and keep this secret.~

 

(12:13p) -u r such an idiot-

 

(12:16p) ~okay but true or false, you want to date carol?~

 

(12:22p) -im not tlkng abt this-

 

(12:24p) ~i’ll take that to mean true.~

 

(12:42p) -it dsnt matter if i do or dnt anyway-

 

(12:44p) ~why not?~

 

(12:46p) -bc-

 

(12:48p) ~oh is this like a self-esteem thing?~

 

(12:48) ~i totally felt inadequate when i was trying to date maggie, but i put it aside, manned up, and asked her out, and now we've been together almost a whole year.~

 

(12:50p) -no u didnt-

 

(12:51p) ~what?~

 

(12:55p) -i heard maggie n beth tlkng outside skool last yr. she said she asked u to have sex n u were so scared u 4got to take off ur sox-

 

(12:55p) -also u cried-

 

(12:56p) ~................~

 

(12:56p) ~we're not talking about me, daryl, we're talking about you.~

 

(12:57p) ~anyway. coincidentally i've got class with carol next. we have Hilter together.~

 

(12:58p) ~omfg, *HISTORY. what the fuck, phone, why would i be saying hitler?~

 

(12:59p) -stop txtng me thn bc i hear tht teacher reads txts out loud n if he reads these out loud i'll dismember u-

 

(1:00p) -he can read the part abt u crying during sex tho-

 

(1:00p) ~fuck off, daryl.~

 

—-

 

(1:51p) *It's Time.*

 

(1:52p) *Or at least it better be.*

 

(1:52p) *If this test is postponed again I am going to commit several felonies.*

 

(1:54p) -i hope 4 ur sake its not thn-

 

(1:55p) *Pray with me, Daryl.*

 

(1:58p) *Our duolingo owl, who art in the google play store, hallowed be thy name. Thy grammar lessons come, thy lingots will be won. Give us this day our daily XP, and forgive us our conjugation errors, as we forgive those who conjugate wrong against us. And lead us not into into apathy, but deliver us from failure, for thine is the app, the study material, and the last ditch effort. For ever and ever. Amen.*

 

(1:59p) -wut in the actual fuck-

 

(2:00p) *Bye!*

 

(2:51p) *It's over.*

 

(2:52p) -howd it go-

 

(2:53p) *I think mb ok possibly?*

 

(2:54p) *I knew some words.*

 

(2:54p) *I did not know some as well.*

 

(2:55p) *I guess we'll find out tomorrow? She said she's grading them tonight.*

 

(2:56p) -at least its ovr?-

 

(2:57p) *Yes. At least it is finally fucking over.*

 

(2:57p) *Until the next test, lmao.*

 

(2:58p) *But that's later.*

 

(2:58p) *Maybe we'll be dead by then!*

 

(3:01p) - :/ -

 

(3:05p) *Anyway. You work tonight?*

 

(3:07p) -ya for a bit-

 

(3:11p) *Same.*

 

(3:12p) *I'll ttyl?*

 

(3:14p) -mhm-

 

(3:14p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(3:15p) -to get u thru ur shift-

 

(3:16p) *God bless you.*

 

(3:17p) *Or rather, duolingo owl bless you. That's my religion now.*

 

(3:18p) -jfc-

 

—-

 

(6:16p) ~i could talk you up to her. maybe bring up what a shame it is you didn't come to the party.~

 

(6:20p) -omfg glenn get out of my life-

 

(6:23p) ~i’m telling you, you have a shot. she really likes talking to you plus you're a good looking ghoul.~

 

(6:23p) ~*guy~

 

(6:26p) -1st one was more accurate-

 

(6:27p) ~oh btw, what are you doing thursday?~

 

(6:29p) -.....y?-

 

(6:32p) ~maggie asked me who i was texting and then when i said it was you she asked why and i panicked and said it was because you were interested in coming to game night with me and rick.~

 

(6:33p) -no-

 

(6:35p) ~it’s nothing fancy. rick and i just started this tradition of playing video games together on thursday nights. sometimes other people join in. it's just for fun.~

 

(6:36p) -no-

 

(6:38p) ~ok but fair warning, maggie probably already told carol~

 

(6:39p) -so. i dont do w/e carol says-

 

—-

 

(10:11p) *Daryl! You told Glenn you'd hang out with him and Rick on Thursday??? That makes me so happy! Are you actually gonna go or were you just fucking with him???*

 

(10:15p) -ya im gna go-

 

(10:16p) *!!!!!!!!!!!!*

 

—-

 

(10:17p) -i h8 u-

 

(10:20p) ~carol messaged you didn't she?~

 

(10:21p) ~see you thursday?~

 

(10:22p) - :/ -

 

(10:22p) -yes-

 

(10:23p) -but i still h8 u-

 

(10:24p) ~i would expect nothing less.~

  
  


_ Tuesday _

 

(7:41a) *I don't get paid until tomorrow and I have 83 cents in my bank account so I couldn't afford coffee this morning, which is all to say, plz kill me now.*

 

(7:46a) -not great-

 

(7:49a) *It doesn't have to be complicated. Just a simple murder. Slip me a cyanide pill during english class maybe?*

 

(7:50a) -out of cyanide pills sry-

 

(7:53a) *Surely you can think of something.*

 

(7:57a) -im not gna murder u-

 

(7:58a) *A true friend would.*

 

(8:01a) -guess im an asshole then-

 

(8:01a) -how long did u slp?-

 

(8:05a) *I did not.*

 

(8:07a) -at all?-

 

(8:13a) *Just cat naps. Had a rough night. Actually considered staying home today until I realized that would probably be worse.*

 

(8:19a) -everything ok?-

 

(8:23a) *Don't you worry your pretty little head over me, I'm fine.*

 

(8:23a) *I did get like 310xp on duolingo last night while I wasn't sleeping, so it's not all bad.*

 

(8:24a) *We get our tests back today. If I weren't completely void of all emotion today I'd be anxious about it.*

 

(8:24a) *Good thing I’m dead inside!*

 

(8:29a) -u dnt rly sound ok-

 

(8:42a) *I'm just having a shitty day.*

 

(8:43a) *Or week.*

 

(8:43a) *Or life lol.*

 

(8:44a) *Anyway!*

 

(8:51a) -carol-

 

(8:59a) -r u cming 2 class?-

 

(9:02a) -r u ok?-

 

(9:05a) -where r u?-

 

(9:19a) *Oh you know. Crying in the bathroom lmao.*

 

(9:21a) -wuts wrong?-

 

(9:22a) *It was just a really bad night and I'm really tired and it just sort of hit me all at once and I sort of spiraled into a panic attack.*

 

(9:22a) *So much for emotional vacancy.*

 

(9:23a) *I'm calming down tho, I'm ok.*

 

(9:24a) -u dont have to be ok-

 

(9:28a) *Yes I do.*

 

(9:31a) -u rly dnt-

 

(9:37a) -carol-

 

(9:39a) *It's not that easy.*

 

(9:40a) *I have too much responsibility, I can't just do shit like freak out in the girls’ bathroom.*

 

(9:40a) *I’m dumb, this is dumb.*

 

(9:42a) -ok fuk this-

 

(9:42a) -meet me by the tree after this period is ovr-

 

(9:44a) *What, why?*

 

(9:45a) -we’re gna play hooky-

 

(9:46a) -c u in 5-

 

—-

 

“We can’t just leave,” Carol says the second Daryl is within earshot. Her eyes are puffy, her nose is red, and she’s at least a full shade paler than usual. Her hair is in a bun that is barely containing her wild curls, and she’s wearing sweats and a hoodie. How in the fuck, Daryl thinks, is she still so pretty? 

 

“Sure we can,” he says. “Already did, in fact. Let’s go.” He starts towards the parking lot before Carol has a chance to protest. After a moment, she falls in step with him. 

 

“Where are we gonna go?” she asks. 

 

“First, I’m gonna buy you a coffee ‘cause you look like you’re about to drop dead, and next, um…” He thinks, does a mental calculation of the money he has left in his bank account, and reaches a conclusion. “We’re gonna go to the pumpkin patch.”

 

Carol full-on stops in her tracks.

 

“Daryl,” she says. “That’s sweet of you, but I have no money and you—”

 

“It’s fine,” he interrupts. “I got paid on Friday, and I already paid my shit for the month, and I think my dad may have actually taken care of utilities, or at least I’m assuming he did, because I didn’t and we still have electricity.”

 

“Daryl…” She sounds defeated.

 

“You bake shit, right?” he asks. She furrows her brow at him.

 

“Yeah, sometimes. It’s a stress reliever.” 

 

“In exchange for the pumpkin patch you make me a batch of cookies, that fair?”

 

“No, it costs me next to nothing to make cookies, and this is expensive.”

 

“Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had anything homemade? The last cookies I ate was stale Oreos and that was a month ago.” Carol looks skeptical. “Look,” he says, softer, “I don’t know what’s goin’ on, and I ain’t any good at sayin’ things to make it better even if I did, so let me do this.”

 

“Why? Why do you care so much?” 

 

“‘Cause you’re my friend and you’re sad and I don’t want you to be.”

 

Carol regards him for a long moment, before nodding her head just so. Daryl nods back, and they start walking again.

 

“Oh, you road your bike today,” Carol says, dull eyes brightening. 

 

“Sure did. Ready to go?” he asks. 

 

“Yeah,” she says. He doesn’t have to be told twice.

 

—-

 

“Okay, shush, be quiet,” Carol whispers, waving her hand to quiet Daryl’s snort. She puts her phone to her ear, and, in a voice not at all like her own says, “Yes, hello, this is Carol Miller’s mother calling to let you know that I picked her up from school early today. She wasn’t feeling well… Yes, there is that bug going around… Oh, certainly, I’ll do my best not to catch it… Not a problem… No, thank  _ you _ . Buh-bye now.” She hangs up the phone and beams up at Daryl. 

 

“It’s really kinda scary how good you are at that,” he says. 

 

“You wanna call in?” she asks.

 

“Pfft, nah. My daddy won’t give a shit, and I think his phone’s out of service right now anyways.” 

 

They’re in a grassy field turned into a makeshift parking lot. There are parents with young children talking and laughing around them. The air smells like hay and dirt, and while Daryl prefers the forest best, he can appreciate this side of nature as well. They head towards the entrance, Carol tossing her empty cup of what was a large ice coffee with three shots of espresso in it. Daryl had refused to get her the five she wanted, saying, “It’ll be a pain in the ass if you have a heart attack. I hate hospitals.”

 

“God, that was expensive,” Carol bemoans once Daryl’s paid their way inside.

 

“You ain’t allowed to say anything ‘bout money for the rest of the day,” he tells her. “Now, show me what the fuck you do at this place, ‘cause I ain’t got no idea what it’s all about.”

 

All around them is a contained chaos. There are children covered in powdered sugar from funnel cakes, jumping off hay bales and hollering just because they can. There are decorations for fall, like painted pumpkins and pinecones, and they’ve put up cobwebs and witches and ghouls as well to celebrate Halloween. It smells like a mix of sickly sweet, frying oil, and horse manure. There’s music playing, like circus music with an ominous slant to let one know that this is no summertime affair; they are balls deep into autumn, and don’t forget it.

 

“Half the fun is just walking around,” Carol says. “I told you, I just like the aesthetic. I like how happy everyone is. Especially right now, since it’s mostly just little kids since it’s a school day. Look how much fun they’re having.” She nods to a group of kids no older than four, with their faces painted like pumpkins, as they chase each other around in the dirt. “And then once we get bored, we can sneak off out to the pumpkin fields. They’ve got hayrack rides, but I think it’s more fun to walk there. It feels like you’re getting away with something.”

 

“Aight,” Daryl says. “I want one of them cake things, though. Wanna split it?”

 

“Oh hell yeah,” Carol says with a grin.

 

They amble around, people watching, taking turns pulling apart pieces of the fried dough. It beats the hell out of the tortilla with American cheese slices Daryl had brought for lunch that day. 

 

“Do you believe in ghosts?” Carol asks when they walk past a crowd of kids running screaming from a haunted house.

 

“Definitely,” Daryl says, popping a piece of funnel cake in his mouth. “You?”

 

“Dunno. Never really thought about it. The thought makes me sad. Being stuck for eternity in one place, not being able to talk to anyone? It doesn’t sound ideal.”

 

“At least it’d mean there’s somethin’ after death?” Daryl suggests. Carol shrugs.

 

“I’d settle for contentment in life before I’d vie for something after death.” She frowns a little. “I think ghosts are just to make us feel better. Like there’s a second chance, or that loss isn’t really loss.” She wipes sugar off her hands with a sigh. 

 

“Hey,” Daryl says seriously. Carol looks up at him. “If there’s a duolingo religion is there a duolingo heaven?” It does the trick, and Carol bursts out laughing.

 

“Oh yes,” she says. “But in order to get there you first have to stay in this limbo while you complete all the language trees.” 

 

“I still don’t get that app.”

 

“That’s okay,” she says. “Not everyone’s a believer.”

 

—-

 

“It smells like rotten pumpkins out here,” Daryl says. They’re sitting side-by-side in the pumpkin field, away from the supervision of the hayrack ride drivers. Daryl’s got his arms wrapped around his knees, and Carol’s got hers out flat in front of her.

 

“I wonder why,” Carol says, looking pointedly at a couple brown, concave pumpkins up ahead. She hums, leaning back on her hands, and closes her eyes in the sun. Daryl watches her for a bit.

 

“You feelin’ any better?” he asks, breaking the silence.

 

“Yeah,” Carol says, not opening her eyes. “Thank you. You helped me forget for a while.”

 

Daryl hesitates. “Forget what?” he asks. She breathes a long exhale through her nose, before turning her head to look at him.

 

“I kind of just want a do-over life,” she says. “But then, none of the things that make me hurt are my fault, so I feel like if I started from the beginning it’d all just end up the same.” She rubs her face, and then lays down on her back, seemingly uncaring about the mud and hay that’ll surely stick to her dense hair like magnets. “I know, I know, that’s super vague. I’ve just never talked to anyone about it. Not even Michonne really knows. Would you hate me if I said I’m still not ready to explain it all?”

 

“No,” Daryl says honestly. He joins her in the mud, his hands folded on his stomach. He squints at the bright sky above. She’s close, but not too close, which is good because crush or not, he doesn’t know if he’s okay with touching. He’s not sure; he’s never had experience with gentle touch, at least not as far as he can remember. He doesn’t know how he’ll respond. “I get it,” he says, musing on this thought. 

 

“I know you do,” she says.

 

“Just...whenever you do wanna talk about it.  _ If _ you ever want to…” 

 

“I know that, too.” He feels more than sees her smile. “You’re a good listener, Daryl, and I don’t just mean about the things people say—you listen to the things they don’t say, too.” 

 

Daryl chews on his lip. He appreciates that she doesn’t expect a reply. 

 

“Just want you to be okay,” he says after a few minutes have passed. Carol hums.

 

“So do I,” she breathes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos to anyone who catches the other 30 rock reference


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bc of illness and a work holiday party i didn't get this chapter done, but there was a good halfway point, so i'm posting part A today, and will post part B tomorrow. the second half is a doozy and is Plot Important, so i wanted to make sure i did it justice. so enjoy this chapter, and i'll have more for you tomorrow, probably late in the day CST bc i work second shift.
> 
> later gators!

_ Thursday _

 

(7:41a) -u ok tdy?-

 

(7:43a) *You asked me that yesterday morning too. Is this how we greet one another now?*

 

(7:46a) -depends. r u ok?-

 

(7:48a) *Yes I am.*

 

(7:49a) *I treated myself against better financial judgement and bought a pumpkin spice latte bc it's been A Week and I deserve it.*

 

(7:50a) -how many shots of espresso?-

 

(7:52a) *Only two.*

 

(7:53a) -ok gud-

 

(7:53a) -u r ok then-

 

(7:55a) *Do you judge my mood based on my espresso shots?*

 

(7:56a) -yes-

 

(7:57a) *Plz elaborate, I'm intrigued.*

 

(8:02a) -if u have 1 or 2 it means u slept at least 4 or 5 hrs-

 

(8:02a) -3 means less than 4 hrs but not a all niter-

 

(8:03a) -4+ means u didnt slp at all n also u mite cry in the bathroom again-

 

(8:06a) *What if I have zero?*

 

(8:10a) -i’ll lyk whn i c it-

 

(8:12a) *Lol! Ok that's fair. You're very observant.*

 

(8:15a) -yes-

 

(8:21a) *I actually did have an ok night. Limited drama. Talked with my mom about nothing important, which was nice and rare. Slept...well, more than not at all. Not enough, but I'll take my wins where I can get them.*

 

(8:24a) -im glad thngs r better tdy-

 

(8:27a) *I was talking about the dumbass party with my mom, and she told me about how when she was our age she went to a house party and got super drunk, and then when they inevitably played 7 minutes in heaven, bc it was the 80s, she ended up in the closet with her crush, and when they were making out she threw up INTO HIS MOUTH.*

 

(8:32a) -thats rly gross-

 

(8:34a) *Right???*

 

(8:34a) *She said she apologized like a hundred times, left the party, and never spoke to him again.*

 

(8:36a) -i wdnt either-

 

(8:40a) *Yeah, same.*

 

(8:41a) -i wd have dropped out of skool-

 

(8:44a) *Lol! Gone into witness protection. Made an entirely new life.*

 

(8:46p) -xactly-

 

(8:50a) *Gross story aside, it was nice to just bullshit with her. I never get to do that.*

 

(8:55a) *Daryl!!! A hi /with eye contact/?!?*

 

(8:55a) *And I thought yesterday's non-mumbled hi was special.*

 

(8:57a) -ur ridiculous-

 

(8:58a) *And you're getting more confident. I bet you're even excited to go to Glenn's tonight.*

 

(8:59a) -ugh dnt remind me. go back to tlkng abt ur mom-

 

(9:02a) *There's not much else to say, really. It was just a much needed conversation.*

 

(9:03a) *What about you? You've only ever mentioned your dad. Is your mom in the picture?*

 

(9:09a) -nah-

 

(9:12a) -she died whn i was little-

 

(9:17a) *Ah. I'm sorry.*

 

(9:21a) -its fine-

 

(9:23a) *May I ask how or is that too invasive?*

 

(9:27a) -house fire-

 

(9:29a) *Oh yikes, that's awful. So it wasn't like an illness or something, it was just sudden.*

 

(9:34a) -ya-

 

(9:36a) *I'm sorry, tell me to shut up, I know you're a private person.*

 

(9:38a) -its ok it was a long time ago. i just aint tlkd abt it for a while-

 

(9:41a) *So it does get easier to talk about the longer it's been?*

 

(9:43a) -i mean yeah ig. y?-

 

(9:45a) *Just wondering.*

 

(9:45a) *Should we talk about Glenn again?*

 

(9:47a) -lmao thats worse-

 

(9:49a) *Thinking about hanging out with Glenn is worse than talking about how your mom died??*

 

(9:50a) *Damn, you really do hate social interaction.*

 

(9:51a) -told u so-

 

(9:52a) *A GOODBYE?!?!*

 

(9:52a) *AND DID YOU HEAD NOD AT SHANE???*

 

(9:56a) -r u sure u only had 2 espresso shots?-

 

(9:58a) *Lmao fuck off.*

 

(9:59a) *(4real tho. Thank you for saying hi and bye to me, it made my day. :) )*

 

(10:00a) -yeah yeah-

 

(10:00a) -ur welc-

 

—-

 

(10:07a) ~rick is going to be over at six. do you have a pizza preference?~

 

(10:12a) ~wait, you're still coming, right? because if you don't but ask me to lie and say you did so carol isn't mad i'm telling you right now that it won't work, i am a terrible liar.~

 

(10:13a) ~especially to intimidating girls~

 

(10:13a) ~women?~

 

(10:14a) ~anyway~

 

(10:20a) ~oh shit, by the way, don't mention shane and lori to rick, because he doesn't know.~

 

(10:21a) ~best to just not bring them up at all. if i think about it too hard i might accidentally spill the beans.~

 

(10:22a) ~i probably don't need to be telling you this, you don't seem like much of a gossiper anyway.~

 

(10:22a) ~but just in case.~

 

(10:34a) ~hey, but speaking of gossip, have you changed your mind about the party at all? because i still think that would be a good time to make your movie.~

 

(10:34a) ~*move~

 

(10:42a) ~you’re not replying.~

 

(10:45a) ~oh yeah you never reply during this period, duh.~

 

(10:46a) ~sex me when you can. tell me your pizza preference.~

 

(10:47a) ~god fucking damnit~

 

(10:47a) ~********text me~

 

(10:48a) ~k bye, i'm going to go kill myself now.~

 

—-

 

(10:51a) -if glenns dead i dnt have to go ovr to his house rite?-

 

(10:52a) *You're not allowed to murder Glenn.*

 

(10:54a) -ik u alrdy told me tht yesterday-

 

(10:54a) -he said hes gna kill himself-

 

(10:56a) *He accidentally text you something awkward and sexual bc he doesn't know how to turn off autocorrect?*

 

(10:56a) -ya-

 

(10:57a) *He's done that to all of us and he always makes that same threat. Sorry buddy, Glenn's gonna live.*

 

(10:59a) -fuk-

 

—-

 

(11:01a) -idc-

 

(11:01a) -abt pizza i mean-

 

(11:02a) -w/e is fine-

 

(11:04a) ~not very helpful but i'll work with it. what about the other question?~

 

(11:07a) -im not gna sex u-

 

(11:10a) ~jesus fucking christ, it was autocorrect, okay?~

 

(11:10a) ~i /meant/ about the party. did you change your mind?~

 

(11:14a) -no-

 

(11:17a) ~it’s not too late to~

 

(11:23a) -ok-

 

(11:23a) -im still not going-

 

(11:32a) ~daryl, how do you expect to get with an awesome girl/woman/person/whatever like carol if you don't get out of your comfort zone?~

 

(11:36a) -i dnt-

 

(11:37a) ~you don't expect to?~

 

(11:38a) ~so what, you're just going to pine after her forever until she ends up with some less deserving guy and he takes her off into the sunset and marries her and they have three kids and a mortgage on a shitty house and all the while you're stuck thinking of her as the one who got away, and, more importantly, i'm stuck trying to keep this secret until the day i die?~

 

(11:40a) -yes-

 

(11:45a) ~you’re impossible and i hate that i am somehow involved in this.~

 

(11:49a) -tht makes 2 of us-

 

(11:50a) -c u at 6-

 

—-

 

(11:11a) -its 11:11-

 

(11:14a) *I was taking a quiz, did you wish?!?*

 

(11:15a) -no-

 

(11:15a) -u ddnt tell me 2-

 

(11:18a) *I'm not literally throwing my desk in anger rn, because that would get me in trouble, but know that, mentally, I'm throwing my desk in anger.*

 

(11:20a) -not my fault u ddnt say the thing-

 

(11:24a) *I! Was! Taking! A! Quiz!*

 

(11:25a) -¯\\_(ツ)_/¯-

 

(11:25a) *DON'T SEND THE SHRUG oh gdi you already sent it*

 

(11:26a) *I am a terrible influence on you.*

 

(11:41a) -i cnt hang out w/ glenn-

 

(11:42a) *Why not?*

 

(11:44a) -bc u said not to murder him n idk if i cn promise tht if i go there 2nite-

 

(11:45a) *Idk how you have a reputation of being this tough and scary loner kid. If only everyone knew how much of a drama queen you actually are…*

 

(11:47a) - :/ -

 

(11:47a) -dnt tell thm-

 

(11:48a) *I won't if you go to Glenn's.*

 

(11:49a) -ugh fine-

 

(11:50a) *Good boy.*

 

(11:51a) *Oh! Speaking of…*

 

(11:54a) -wut?-

 

(11:54a) -oh-

 

(11:55a) -lol-

 

(11:55a) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(12:02p) * :’) *

 

(12:02p) *A very good boy.*

 

(12:05p) -not rly he ate a pair of my sox this morning-

 

(12:09p) *He was hungry.*

 

(12:11p) -uh huh-

 

(12:18p) *Rick: “Daryl's gonna be there at Glenn's tonight.”*

 

(12:19p) *Everyone else: “Omg, what???? I thought be only talked to Carol!!!”*

 

(12:19p) *You're an enigma.*

 

(12:20p) -ew no-

 

(12:21p) -change the subject so they stp tlkng abt me-

 

(12:34p) *Lmao, do you prefer they just forget you exist whenever you're not in view?*

 

(12:35p) -yes-

 

(12:36p) -they cn 4get abt me when i am in view too idc-

 

(12:41p) *You've built up too much mystery around yourself over the years, people are curious.*

 

(12:42p) *Ofc, only /I/ know the truth.*

 

(12:42p) *Drama queen.*

 

(12:45p) -lets keep it tht way-

 

(12:47p) *Yeah, we'll see.*

 

(12:49p) *Lmao! Rick just asked me if there's anything he should know about you before you guys hang out. I think he's nervous.*

 

(12:50p) -whtd u say?-

 

(12:55p) *I told him to talk about cars if the silence gets too awkward, and to run interference if you try to murder Glenn.*

 

(12:56p) *That work?*

 

(12:58p) -ya-

 

(12:59p) *You'll be fine pookie.*

 

(1:00p) -...-

 

(1:00p) -stop-

 

(1:53p) *Glenn pulled me aside and asked me what kind of pizza you like bc he wants you to feel comfortable and he's worried you won't be, and also, “I don't know if he actually hates me or if he's joking, do you?”*

 

(1:54p) *Apparently I'm the Daryl Whisperer and everyone is coming to me for advice on how to approach you.*

 

(1:55p) -jfc-

 

(1:55p) -whtd u tell glenn?-

 

(1:57p) *That you're joking but to also not leave any firearms or sharp knives around just in case.*

 

(1:57p) *He almost shit himself until I assured him I was joking as well.*

 

(1:58p) *He said “you two have the same terrifying sense of humor and I hate it.”*

 

(2:00p) -lmao gud-

 

(2:06p) *I thought you'd appreciate it.*

 

(2:12p) *We're learning food vocab today, but your girl already did that module on duo. B) *

 

(2:13p) *“Carol, can you translate this sentence?”*

 

(2:13p) *“My mom and dad eat beans and rice, bitch!!!” B) B) B) *

 

(2:14p) *I'm basically fluent.*

 

(2:17p) -u got a c+ on ur test-

 

(2:19p) *Excuse you, that means I got over 70% of the answers right. I'm a French master.*

 

(2:20p) -désolé my mistake-

 

(2:24p) *I am a French master and I definitely know what désolé means.*

 

(2:33p) -it means sry-

 

(2:41p) *Duh, ofc it does. I told you I knew it.*

 

(2:43p) -uh huh-

 

(2:45p) *Oh shush. Wanna talk about our Frankenstein essays due in two weeks instead??*

 

(2:47p) -i do not-

 

(2:47p) -y wud u remind me of tht?-

 

(2:51p) *That's what you get for mocking my hard earned C+.*

 

(2:55p) -yeah yeah-

 

(2:59p) *What are you doing before Glenn's? You're not going there until later, right?*

 

(3:02p) -gna go home n play w/ henry 4 a bit-

 

(3:06p) *A little non-human interaction to prepare you for socializing?*

 

(3:08p) -ya-

 

(3:09) -how late do u work?-

 

(3:11p) *Close, bc this day had to have at least one shitty thing about it. Couldn't have one good day.*

 

(3:12p) -god forbid-

 

(3:13p) * *duolingo owl forbid*

 

(3:15p) -im not joining ur owl religion-

 

(3:15p) -weirdo-

 

(3:16p) *Drama queen.*

 

(3:17p) *Ok, ig I'll ttyl. I'll expect you to regale me with tales of game night.*

 

(3:18p) -yeah ok-

 

(3:18p) -bye-

 

(3:19p) *Bye.*

 

(3:20p) *At least try to have fun!*

 

(3:20p) - :/ -

 

—-

 

Daryl sits on his bike outside of Glenn's house for several minutes, trying to find the motivation to go knock on the door. 

 

The house isn't huge, but it's nice—definitely nicer than anything even three miles out from Daryl's neighborhood—with big sun windows, and a second floor. The outside is brick, and there's a well-maintained walkway where plants surely grow alongside it in the summer. It's a place someone would be proud to live in; a place that could be called a home and not just four walls a roof.

 

Daryl can't relate.

 

He glances around and sees a woman walking her dog eyeing him suspicion, as though she can smell that he doesn't belong here, and he figures that's his cue to stop idling, before someone calls the cops on him for trespassing. That'd be a fun one to explain to Carol.

 

Glenn answers when Daryl knocks on the door. He's changed out of jeans into sweatpants, and he's in his socks, which is weird and makes Daryl acutely aware that this isn't public territory. It's not school, or even a crowded bleacher, but a personal domain, and Daryl isn't sure how to navigate it. Glenn may be a bit awkward and fumbly, but Daryl is inexperienced and painfully shy, and the back of his throat tastes like acid now that he's standing at the threshold of Glenn's home.

 

“Hey, come in,” Glenn says brightly, stepping aside to let Daryl through. “You can sit your shoes there on the mat.”

 

Daryl would much rather keep his shoes on, but he isn't about to say so. He's suddenly terrified of doing something to disrupt the house. He would never have thought to take his shoes off before walking around, so what other rules are there that he's never had to grapple with? Will Glenn be able to warn him each time, or is he going to make a fool of himself and then drown in the embarrassment?

 

This was, he thinks to himself, the worst possible idea.

 

“My room's upstairs. Rick's already here. Pizza's up there too. You want anything to drink?”

 

He's actually very thirsty.

 

“Nah,” he mumbles.

 

“You sure?”

 

He'd kill for a glass of water.

 

“I'm good.”

 

Glenn shrugs and motions for Daryl to follow him. He leads him up a staircase of carpeted steps. Along the wall there are family photos of Glenn and whom Daryl assumes are his parents and sisters. Some are from when Glenn was a fat cheeked baby, and some are as recent as a year ago, give or take. Everyone is smiling at the camera, in ridiculous poses no one ever sits in naturally, and Daryl wonders if Glenn's family really is that perfect, or if it's just the camera making up stories.

 

He tries to imagine a family photo between him, his daddy, and his brother, and he figures it would probably dissolve into a fistfight before the first shutter click.

 

Rick is sat at the edge of Glenn’s bed, holding a Playstation controller with his eyes on the TV. He looks over his shoulder when Daryl and Glenn enter, and he gives a kind smile. “Hey, Daryl,” he says casually, as though this is something they do all the time. Daryl nods a greeting in response. 

 

Glenn’s room is three times the size of Daryl’s. He’s got a bookshelf full of DVDs and video games, and maybe a couple actual books. His TV isn’t gargantuan, but no one would call it small. On his desk he’s got a clutter of papers, a lamp, and pictures of him and Maggie taped up on the wall behind it. They’re photobooth pictures—in one they’re making silly faces, in another they’re kissing, and in the last one they’re smiling normally. Daryl thinks about how his singular picture of his mother is the only photo in his entire house.

 

Glenn goes over and looks over Rick’s shoulder and snorts.

 

“You gotta make the nose and ears way bigger than that,” he says.

 

“I tried, but that’s the max size they’ve got.”

 

“We couldn’t decide on a game to play so we’re making Sims characters of everyone,” Glenn explains to Daryl, taking a seat in a chair. “This one is Shane.”

 

Daryl observes the big-headed, big-eared, big-nosed Sim, and he supposes he can see the resemblance. He’s about to say as much when he feels a brushing against his leg, and he startles, making a soft noise of surprise as he looks down to find a fluffy tortoiseshell cat rubbing itself against him. 

 

“Oh, sorry, that’s Picatso, she must have snuck up here behind us,” Glenn says. 

 

“Picatso?” Daryl asks.

 

“Yeah, like Picasso. I don’t know, my mom thought her coat looked like a painting and so I suggested we call her Picatso and it made her laugh. She’s good with people, but I can take her back downstairs if you’re not a cat person.”

 

On the contrary, Daryl’s thinking ‘thank God,’ because now he has an animal to pay attention to instead of standing there awkwardly not knowing what to do.

 

“She’s good,” he says, and lowers himself down to the floor and pets Picatso under her chin. She immediately climbs up onto Daryl’s lap and starts kneading her paws against his thigh, a strong purr rumbling through her body.

 

“Well I guess she likes you,” Glenn says with a small laugh. The corner of Daryl’s lip twitches up as he gives her ear scratches. Without thinking much of it, he pulls out his phone and snaps a picture of the cat all curled up in his lap.

 

(6:17p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(6:17p) -ik its not henry but does this count as 1 of my 3 for the day?-

 

“Who are you sending that to?” Rick asks mildly, glancing down at Daryl on the floor.

 

“Carol,” Daryl mutters after a moment’s hesitation. “She likes animal pictures.”

 

Glenn gives Daryl a look that says, “Dude, why would you say that when you know I can’t say anything?” and Daryl sends one back that says, “If you want to keep your limbs you will keep your mouth shut.” Rick, who is busy picking out Shane’s formal attire, is oblivious to the exchange.

 

“Who should we make next?” Glenn asks, after Rick has added  _ Active _ ,  _ Hot-Headed _ , and  _ Bro _ to Sim Shane’s personality and saved him to the game. 

 

“Daryl, obviously,” says Rick.

 

“Nah,” Daryl says quickly. “Make one of you guys, leave me out of it.”

 

“We already did make us,” Rick says, pulling up the Sims library. He clicks on Sim Rick. He is wearing a cowboy hat. “My personality traits are  _ Active _ ,  _ Good _ , and  _ Outgoing _ , according to Glenn.”

 

“And according to Rick, mine are  _ Cheerful _ ,  _ Goofball _ , and  _ Geek _ , which I don’t know if I agree with.”

 

“Sounds right to me,” Daryl says flatly, which makes Rick laugh and hold his hand out to Daryl for a high five. Daryl stares at it for a moment before giving a pathetic little pat to Rick’s palm.

 

“Well now it’s definitely your turn, asshole,” Glenn says, snatching the controller from Rick and opening a new character profile. 

 

Daryl rolls his eyes and absently strokes Picatso, while Glenn and Rick argue back and forth, saying things like, “No, he needs to be frowning more,” and, “Give him more muscle, dude’s surprisingly built.”

 

(6:45p) *I’ll allow it, but only because she’s so fluffy. Is that Picatso?*

 

(6:46p) -ya-

 

(6:46p) -dumb name for a cat-

 

(6:47p) *Glenn does like his puns. How’s it going so far? You surviving?*

 

(6:48p) -theyre mkng me on the sims n idk how to get thm to not-

 

(6:49p) *Let me see this right now immediately.*

 

Sighing, Daryl holds up his phone camera to the TV. “Move over, Carol wants me to show her this stupid thing,” he says.

 

Rick leans to the side without a second thought, and Glenn does so while tossing Daryl a desperately pained expression that he ignores. He takes a picture and sends it.

 

(6:51p) *I love it, but you’d never wear that shirt.*

 

(6:51p) -dont encourage thm-

 

(6:52p) -ur rite tho-

 

(6:53p) *I know I am.*

 

(6:54p) -theyre mking one 4 everyone im gna make thm do u next-

 

(6:55p) *You’d better make sure they do me justice, Dixon.*

 

(6:56p) -yes ma’am-

 

(6:58p) *I gotta get back to work, but send me the end results.*

 

(6:58p) -k ttyl-

 

(6:59p) *Au revoir.*

 

(6:59p) *(That means goodbye. I speak French.)*

 

(7:00p) -c+-

 

(7:00p) *Fuck offfffff.*

 

(7:00p) *K, bye for real.*

 

“Are you with us over there?” Rick asks, pulling Daryl away from his phone.

 

“Hm?” he asks.

 

“You’re buried in your phone.”

 

“Sorry. It was Carol’s break at work.”

 

Glenn looks like he’s about to have an aneurysm.

 

Rick is unbothered.

 

“Well, you weren’t paying attention as we were picking out your traits, so you ended up with _Unflirty_ , _Loves_ _Outdoors_ , and _Loner_.” 

 

He has to concede that those are pretty accurate. 

 

“You want some pizza, dude?” Glenn says, handing the box to him. He does and has for a while, but didn’t want to ask for it. (He’s still thirsty.) He mutters a thanks and takes a slice, slipping a piece of hamburger to Picato when no one is looking.

 

“Okay, who’s next?” asks Rick.

 

“I told Carol we’d do her,” Daryl mumbles. Rick hums his agreement while Glenn’s knuckles turn paper white as he practically breaks the controller in half.

 

Everything is all well and good for the next few minutes. Daryl would almost (almost) say he’s enjoying himself, but then comes the inevitable fuck-up that, honestly, he should have anticipated.

 

“Those are what Carol’s eyes look like, right?” Rick asks, having taken the controller from Glenn to finagle Sim Carol’s face. 

 

Just as Glenn is saying, “Yes,” Daryl automatically says through a mouth full of pizza, “No, her eyes are blue,” which could be written off as him just being observant, if it weren’t for Glenn’s scoff, and his sarcastic, seemingly unintentional, “You would know.”

 

Rick casts a look at Glenn, his brows pulled together. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks, and Glenn’s eyes widen as he scrambles to save face, which only manages to dig the hole deeper.

 

“Nothing! It doesn’t mean anything. Daryl just happens to know Carol’s eye color. Nothing about that is weird. It’s a totally platonic thing to know your friend’s eye color. I know you have blue eyes, Rick, and that’s because we’re friends, like Daryl and Carol are friends. Just good ol’ buddies. Bros. Compadres...You know…Friends…” He trails off. Both Daryl and Rick stare at him in complete silence. Then, Rick turns to look at Daryl.

 

“So you have a thing for Carol?” he asks. Daryl says nothing and shoots daggers at Glenn, wishing he never promised Carol he wouldn’t commit a murder tonight.

 

“Welp,” Glenn says, visibly shifting his chair away from Daryl. He’s wearing the expression of someone being held at gunpoint. “I guess Rick is a part of this now.” 

 

—-

 

(9:47p) ~ _ dumbass added grp prjct rick to the conversation _ ~

 

(9:47p) ~ _ dumbass changed the group name to “Matchmakers” _ ~

 

(9:48p) ~hey rick, here’s where i’ve been talking to daryl about carol because otherwise i’ll explode trying to keep it secret. welcome!~

 

(9:51p) >If this is you when you’re trying to keep it a secret I feel really bad for Daryl.<

 

(9:52p) >Your secret is safe with me, Daryl.<

 

(9:52p) >I mean actually safe, unlike with this knuckehead.<

 

(9:56p) -ya this isnt happening im not doing a grp cht w/ u guys abt carol-

 

(9:57p) - _ you changed the group name to “no” _ -

 

(10:00p) ~come on, we’re your buds now! let us help you out!~

 

(10:03p) -dnt need hlp im not tryna do anything-

 

(10:05p) >Glenn is not going about this in the most tactful way, but the two of us did really like hanging out with you. We don’t have to invade your personal life (Glenn) but this can be our, I don’t know, friend group chat?<

 

(10:07p) ~yeah. unfortunately for us all we like you. you’re kind of stuck with us now, daryl.~

 

(10:13p) -........-

 

(10:14p) -no matchmaking-

 

(10:16p) >You got it.<

 

(10:19p) ~sure thing captain.~

 

(10:22p) -fine-

 

(10:25p) ~hell yeah!~

  
(10:26p) ~ _ dumbass changed the group name to “Friendship” _ ~


	11. Chapter 11

_ Saturday _

 

(1:06p) *Happy Halloween, I just got off work and now have to bring an obscene amount of gauze to Michonne's house.*

 

(1:15p) -wut y?-

 

(1:29p) *Bc her Halloween costume is of a person who got hit by a bus so that she can incorporate her crutches.*

 

(1:32p) -lmao nice-

 

(1:33p) -u still not wearing a costume?-

 

(1:36p) *I'll only wear a costume if you actually go as a slutty redneck.*

 

(1:41p) -so no ur not-

 

(1:44p) *Nope! Though if I don't wear any makeup to cover the permanent dark circles under my eyes I could just tell everyone I'm going as a zombie.*

 

(1:45p) *Do you still have your wild date tonight with edited-for-tv horror movies?*

 

(1:49p) -mhm-

 

(1:49p) -my dads a trucker n left for a job last nite so the place is mine-

 

(1:56p) *Are you going to throw your own crazy party to rival Philip's?*

 

(2:02p) -no but i did get 3 bags of reeses cups-

 

(2:04p) *For trick-or-treaters?*

 

(2:09p) -no 4 me-

 

(2:20p) *Even better.*

 

(2:21p) *Put some in the freezer.*

 

(2:24p) -y?-

 

(2:29p) *Because chocolate is always better when it's frozen and then you can smash it up into tiny pieces and put it in vanilla ice cream.*

 

(2:30p) *Trust me.*

 

(2:41p) -i’ll think abt it-

 

(2:47p) -ok so-

 

(2:47p) -im gna send u smthn-

 

(2:47p) -bc u need to c it-

 

(2:48p) -but first u gta promise u will nvr tell anyone abt it-

 

(2:51p) *If you were any other guy on the planet I would assume that was the preamble to a dick pic.*

 

(2:52p) - :/ :/ :/ -

 

(2:53p) *Anyway, I promise. Proceed.*

 

(2:54p) -i dnt wnt 2 now-

 

(2:55p) -...nvm i hv 2-

 

(2:55p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(2:56p) *OH*

 

(2:56p) *MY*

 

(2:56p) *GOD*

 

(2:57p) *Daryl!!!!!!!!!*

 

(2:58p) -thats worth lk 10 henry pics rite?-

 

(2:59p) *If people knew…*

 

(2:59p) *That Daryl Dixon…*

 

(2:59p) *In his free time…*

 

(2:59p) *Makes ghost costumes for his dog…*

 

(3:01p) -u promised-

 

(3:03p) *Oh no, for sure, this is something for me and me alone to cherish.*

 

(3:04p) *Do you know how trustworthy I am? Michonne is sitting right here and I literally screamed at the picture and she's still asking me about it and I'm refusing to tell her the truth.*

 

(3:06p) -wutd u tell her instead?-

 

(3:09p) *That it was a dick pic.*

 

(3:10p) -no u didnt-

 

(3:11p) -carol-

 

(3:12p) -u didnt say tht-

 

(3:13p) -carol u didnt say tht rite?-

 

(3:14p) *I did but she didn't believe me so she's still trying to figure out what you sent.*

 

(3:14p) -jfc just show her the dog-

 

(3:15p) *Lmao ok.*

 

(3:17p) *She also screamed.*

 

(3:18p) *“I can't believe Daryl is refusing to go to the party so he can stay home and play dress up with his dog.”*

 

(3:21p) -i wsnt planning on dressing him up-

 

(3:22p) -he was playing w/ a sheet n i thot it wud be funny to cut lil holes in it-

 

(3:23p) -i xpected him to get bored but hes slping w/ it ovr his head-

 

(3:23p) -i think he likes it-

 

(3:30p) *It's a Halloween miracle.*

 

(3:31p) *I need to see that guy again soon.*

 

(3:37p) -u can-

 

(3:42p) *Good. We'll make a plan when I'm not stuck having to go to a shitty party. Mb we can take him on a walk in the woods again.*

 

(3:49p) -thatd be cool-

 

(3:49p) -hed like tht-

 

(3:54p) *So would I.*

 

(4:02p) *Okay help settle this debate.*

 

(4:04p) -wut debate?-

 

(4:07p) *For Michonne's costume I want to incorporate a bunch of fake blood bc when you have an opportunity to use fake blood you take it.*

 

(4:08p) -duh-

 

(4:09p) *Duh indeed. But she says that she's going as a traffic accident victim /after/ they've been in the hospital so being covered in blood “wouldn't fit the narrative.”*

 

(4:10p) -thats dumb use the fake blood-

 

(4:13p) *She said to defend your answer.*

 

(4:14p) -bc fake blood is cool-

 

(4:16p) *Tbh I don't understand how you don't get 100% on all your essays, your gift of persuasion is unparalleled.*

 

(4:17p) -u wnt me 2 b on ur side or do u wna be a smartass-

 

(4:18p) *Yes, ok, fair.*

 

(4:20p) -isnt michonne into art crap? tell her fake blood wud look better in like an arty way-

 

(4:21p) *Ooh, yes, appeal to the inner art hoe, I love it.*

 

(4:24p) *She glared at me for a long time and then said “I'll do it, but only for the aesthetic.”*

 

(4:26p) -u won-

 

(4:37p) *I did.*

 

(4:43p) -wut time does the party start?-

 

(4:57p) *Eight.*

 

(4:58p) *Since I won't wear a costume Michonne is insisting on doing my makeup and it's so involved.*

 

(5:00p) -is she already doing it? the thing isnt for 3 hrs-

 

(5:04p) *Yes, but in her defense she's also straightening/doing my hair, which is a much more arduous task, so starting early was a good plan, esp cuz we still gotta do all her shit.*

 

(5:05p) *She's put more time and dedication in my appearance in the last half hour than I have in the past two months.*

 

(5:06p) *Looking nice is cool in concept, but it takes so much energy. I usually only wear makeup when I need to cover the breakouts I get during my period, and I do my hair with a mix of hair scrunchies, coconut oil, and prayer.*

 

(5:07p) * _ carol sent a photo _ *

 

(5:10p) -u look miserable-

 

(5:12p) *That's bc that half of my hair that's straightened took a million years to do and I have a million more years still to go.*

 

(5:14p) -ur hair is rly fuking long-

 

(5:16p) *I know right? The curls hide it.*

 

(5:17p) *“Stop moving around so much, you’re so tender headed.” First of all, Michonne, I haven’t brushed my hair in a decade so I am not used to this.*

 

(5:21p) -v glad im not a girl-

 

(5:23p) *Please, we both know Shane spends at least an hour in front of the mirror every morning to get that perfectly tousled hair.*

 

(5:25p) -glad i just dnt give a damn thn-

 

(5:26p) *You’re one of those assholes who can roll out of bed, do nothing but throw on a t-shirt, call it “rugged handsomeness”, and it works.*

 

(5:30p) -lmao rite-

 

(5:33p) *You look like you’re from the cover of a hunting magazine that’s trying to convince women to pick up the sport.*

 

(5:36p) -.....-

 

(5:36p) -mb as the dead animal on the cover sure-

 

(5:37p) *Lmao! Wrong.*

 

(5:38p) *I asked Michonne how she’d describe your looks and she said, “a sultry woodsman who accidentally came out from the forest and got stuck in the city and is kind of bitter about it.”*

 

(5:40p) -sultry woodsman-

 

(5:41p) *I thought it was an apt description.*

 

(5:43p) -moving on-

 

(5:44p) *Lolll, sorry. Lucky for you, Michonne is done ripping my hair out of my head and is now going to put layers of goop all over my face to make me pretty so I can’t text for a bit.*

 

(5:45p) -sounds bad-

 

(6:23p) *Michonne watches too many makeup tutorials, that took forever.*

 

(6:23p) * _ carol sent a photo _ *

 

(6:24p) *Behold, I feel like a Kardashian Vegas act.*

 

(6:37p) -u dont look like one tho-

 

(6:38p) -look nice-

 

(6:41p) *Thank you. It seems I have a costume after all. I’m going as a person who gives a shit about looking cute and being social.*

 

(6:42p) *Ok, time to wrap Michonne in gauze and head over to Philip’s. Please have your phone on you so I can liveblog my misery to you.*

 

(6:44p) -im not goin anywhere-

 

(6:45p) *Good.*

 

(6:46p) *Talk to you soon.*

 

—-

 

(12:10p) ~have you changed your mind about the party yet, daryl?~

 

(12:14p) -guess-

 

(12:16p) ~yes?~

(12:19p) -guess again-

 

(12:21p) ~damn~

 

(12:24p) >You’re not gonna be missing much. Philip’s a bit of a tool.<

 

(12:29p) ~we’re trying to get him to go, not encourage him not to, rick.~

 

(12:32p) >Why? If he doesn’t want to go why force him?<

 

(12:34p) ~ezekiel, tobin, and ed are all gonna be there hitting on carol.~

 

(12:37p) >Ah.<

 

(12:42p) -no matchmaking go away-

 

(12:48p) >Let the man live, Glenn.<

 

(12:51p) ~fine but when carol ends up in the world’s weirdest foursome don’t say i didn’t warn you~

 

(12:54p) >God why would you even put that in my head?<

 

(12:56p) - _ you silenced this conversation _ -

 

(5:08p) - _ you unsilenced this conversation _ -

 

(5:09p) -i hv a question but if either of u give me any shit abt it i will block u both-

 

(5:11p) >Shoot.<

 

(5:13p) -carol is w/ michonne n shes msgng me abt michonne doing her hair n makeup wut am i sposed to say if she sends me a pic?-

 

(5:15p) ~tell her she’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever laid your eyes on.~

 

(5:16p) - _ you blocked dumbass _ -

 

(5:19p) >Rofl, okay he deserved that.<

 

(5:20p) >You can just be honest with her. Just tell her she looks nice. That doesn’t have to mean anything.<

 

(5:21p) -thats not weird?-

 

(5:24p) >Nah. It’s a good middle ground.<

 

(5:25p) -k-

 

(5:26p) - _ you unblocked dumbass _ -

 

(5:27p) -learn ur lesson?-

 

(5:28p) ~you’re such a buzzkill.~

 

(5:30p) -i think carol just said im ruggedly handsome-

 

(5:31p) -wtf does tht mean?-

 

(5:32p) ~dude!!!!! there’s your opening right there!~

 

(5:34p) -shes just being nice-

 

(5:36p) >What was the context?<

 

(5:39p) -we were tlkng abt how we dnt lke hving to put time into how we look-

 

(5:39p) -michonne said im a sultry woodsman how do i make thm stp tking?-

 

(5:41p) ~SULTRY WOODSMAN~

 

(5:42p) ~isn’t that like, the brawny paper towel guy?~

 

(5:44p) >I think the paper towel guy is more of a lumberjack than Daryl is.<

 

(5:45p) >Similar concept, though.<

 

(5:47p) ~seduce carol with your sultry woody, daryl.~

 

(5:48p) ~i meant “sultry woodsmanness” but i think autocorrect was actually better in this instance.~

 

(5:50p) - _ you silenced this conversation _ -

 

—-

 

(8:13p) *Slutty nurse.*

 

(8:16p) -sry?-

 

(8:19p) *I’m playing a game called “How Diverse Are This Year’s Costumes?”*

 

(8:19p) *Slutty cat.*

 

(8:20p) *Oh good, my ex is here and decided to come sit by me.*

 

(8:22p) -ezekiel?-

 

(8:33p) *Yep. That was super awkward.*

 

(8:34p) -whatd he do?-

 

(8:36p) *He must have pregamed bc he’s already p drunk, and he tried to recite a poem at me, also he’s dressed as a medieval king and won’t break character.*

 

(8:37p) *Slutty demon, btw.*

 

(8:37p) *Her twin came as a slutty angel. Who says originality is dead?*

 

(8:39p) -he recited a poem?-

 

(8:41p) *No, he /tried/ to recite a poem. I told him I had to go to the bathroom and now I’m hiding in the corner. I have no idea where Michonne went.*

 

(8:42p) -how many ppl r at this thng?-

 

(8:43p) *A billion. I’m tempted to sneak upstairs and break stuff so Philip’s parents lose their shit on him but that would be needlessly vicious. No one forced me to come.*

 

(8:44p) *What movie are you watching?*

 

(8:46p) -silence of the lambs rn-

 

(8:47p) *A classic. What part are you at?*

 

(8:49p) -lotion scene-

 

(8:50p) *Iconic.*

 

(8:51p) *Btw ig Shane and Lori aren’t hiding it anymore, or they both hit the punch too hard, bc they’re currently playing tonsil hockey about ten feet from me.*

 

(8:53p) -thatll make glenn happy-

 

(8:54p) *Why would Glenn care?*

 

(8:55p) -bc he knew abt it 2 n hes rly bad abt keeping secrets-

 

(8:57p) *Oh yeah, no, he’s the worst. If I want to know something all I gotta do is look him in the eye for three seconds and he’ll spill every secret he’s ever been told. Sometimes I do it just for fun to make him squirm.*

 

(8:58p) -u get him 2 do tht a lot?

 

(9:01p) *Eh. When the mood strikes me.*

 

(9:02p) *OH GOOD.*

 

(9:03p) -?-

 

(9:27p) *Benchwarmer Tobin just came and found me and chatted me up for like almost a half hour.*

 

(9:28p) *He’s a sweet guy.*

 

(9:28p) */Painfully/ dull tho.*

 

(9:28p) *And he kept talking so nonstop that I didn’t get the chance to tell you that I saw a slutty giraffe. /Giraffe/ Daryl.*

 

(9:30p) -ur popular 2nite-

 

(9:32p) *Would be nice if I wasn’t.*

 

(9:33p) *Had to find a new corner to hide in.*

 

(9:35p) -whn cn u leave?-

 

(9:36p) *I mean, technically whenever, bc Michonne and I drove separately cuz she correctly assumed I wouldn’t stay as late as her, but I’ve only been here an hour and a half, and I’m still not sure where she went and I don’t want to leave without saying goodbye at the very least.*

 

(9:37p) *This is dumb and depressing.*

 

(9:39p) -wut is?-

 

(9:40p) *I should be able to enjoy a party like a normal teenager, but instead I’m just sitting here by myself thinking about how the music is too loud and how I don’t want to be here, but the alternative is going home and I don’t want to do that either, and also what’s the point of anything, etc. etc.*

 

(9:41p) -mb u shud just go home if being there is making u sad-

 

(9:44p) *Lol, home isn’t going to make me happy.*

 

(9:44p) *At least here I can spy on all my drunk friends and learn things.*

 

(9:45p) *For example:*

 

(9:45p) *Idk if Andrea saw Lori and Shane together and is getting revenge or what, but she and Philip are basically fused together on the couch across the room right now.*

 

(9:46p) *His hand is just like, right on her boob.*

 

(9:47p) *Actually this is getting rather graphic, I am going to go somewhere else and try and forget I saw that.*

 

(9:49p) -n glenn wondered y i ddnt wnt 2 go-

 

(9:57p) *WELP I FOUND MICHONNE.*

 

(9:58p) -?-

 

(9:59p) *RICK’S NOT GOING TO BE UPSET ABOUT LORI BC IN A STRANGE TURN OF EVENTS HE IS CURRENTLY INSIDE OF MY BEST FRIEND.*

 

(10:00p) *WHICH I DID NOT MEAN TO SEE.*

 

(10:01p) -wut-

 

(10:02p) *WENT UPSTAIRS TO FIND BATHROOM.*

 

(10:02p) *OPENED WRONG DOOR.*

 

(10:02p) *GOT FIRSTHAND VIEW OF SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO BLEACH FROM MY EYES.*

 

(10:03p) *SLAMMED THE DOOR TO THE SOUND OF RICK SWEARING AND MICHONNE LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY AND SAYING “SORRY CAROL.”* 

 

(10:03p) *RICK WAS STILL WEARING HIS COWBOY HAT FROM HIS COSTUME, DARYL.*

 

(10:04p) *TIME TO DIE.*

 

(10:05p) -ur def cursed-

 

(10:06p) *Unquestionably at this point.*

 

(10:07p) *I have the image of Rick Grimes’s barenaked ass seared into my brain forever.*

 

(10:08p) -god im sry-

 

(10:32p) *Hahaha, yep, I’m leaving now, fuck tonight.*

 

(10:34p) -smthn else happen?-

 

(10:36p) *Ran into our old pal Ed.*

 

(10:37p) -fuk wutd he do now?-

 

(10:39p) *Talked me into a literal corner and trapped me there.*

 

(10:40p) -did he hurt u?-

 

(10:41p) *No, just scared me.*

 

(10:41p) *Touched my hair and told me he loved it like this, so I’m never straightening it again.*

 

(10:42p) -r u ok?-

 

(10:43p) *I’ll be fine, I just want to go. I msged Michonne that I’m leaving so once she gets out from under Rick she can ask me what happened herself, idc.*

 

(10:44p) -k. ur rattled tho so drive safe n lmk whn ur home-

 

(10:46p) *Ok.*

 

—-

 

The texts go silent after that. Daryl tries to focus on  _ The Blair Witch Project _ , which is one of the few films that are actually enhanced by his ancient, staticy TV, but he can’t swallow down the dread in his throat. He tries chalking it up to anger at Peletier, but that’s not it. Something else feels off, and when his phone rings nearly a half hour later, Carol’s name lighting up the screen, it’s almost as if he’d expected it.

 

“Hello?” he says, answering on the third ring.

 

“Daryl?” comes Carol’s voice, small and scared and something else— _ hurt, _ he realizes after a moment, like she’s in  _ pain _ .

 

“What happened?” he asks, pit settling in his stomach.

 

“You know how you told me my brakes were going to give out?” She’s trying to make her voice sound light, but is failing spectacularly.

 

“How bad did you crash?”

 

“Went into a ditch. There’s no one out here, there rarely is.”

 

“Are you hurt?” 

 

“Banged up. Sophia isn’t doing too hot.”

 

“Did you call 911?”

 

“I can’t.”

 

“Why? Were you drinking?”

 

“No no no, I had like,  _ a _ beer two hours ago, I’m sober, it’s nothing like that.”

 

“Then you should call them.”

 

“They’ll want to take me to a hospital. They’ll want a statement. It’ll take forever. I just want to go home, Daryl, please, will you help me?” He can tell she’s speaking through tears. “I know I ask you for a million favors but...please?”

 

It’s not really even an option not to, but he doesn’t bother telling her so. 

 

“Where you at?” is all he says instead.

 

—-

 

He speeds on his bike the whole way there, even though in the back of his mind he knows how stupid it would be if they both were in accidents tonight, but it can’t be helped. The directions she gave him lead him down a trail of back alley country roads, with nothing but his headlight to guide him. He sees the dented and mangled remains of Sophia before he sees her, wedged in a ditch with its left hand side dangling in the air a full two feet.

 

She emerges from the shadows at the sound of his bike, and he comes to a stop along the shoulder of the highway, where she waits for him, rubbing her arms in the chill air. The second he’s off his bike he has his phone flashlight on and he’s shining it in her face.

 

“You’re bleeding,” he says anxiously. Her mascara has run tracks down her cheeks, her lipstick has faded, and a thin line of blood is trickling out of her nose. She brings the back of her hand up to swipe at it, doing nothing but smearing it. 

 

“I had a nosebleed from hitting the air bag,” she explains. “It had stopped, but I guess it’s not completely over with. I’m fine, though.”

 

“If you hit the air bag you could have a concussion, we should go to the hospital.”

 

“No,” she says instantly. “I hit my face, not my head.”

 

“You know your face is part of your head, right?”

 

“Daryl, I’m not going to the hospital.”

 

“Are you hurt anywhere else?”

 

“No,” she says, and he doesn’t know if he believes her. He searches her eyes, as though he’s a doctor looking for anything that might signal something isn’t right. She stamps her foot while she lets out a huff, and says, “Daryl, I can’t… I can’t afford to go to the hospital, I can’t afford the bills. I definitely got banged around, but nothing feels  _ wrong _ wrong.” 

 

“You promise?” he asks.

 

“I promise.” 

 

Daryl chews on his thumb nail and regards her. He glances over at the truck.

 

“What happened?” he asks.

 

“Went to slow down along that curve up there and found out you know your shit when it comes to cars, ‘cause my brakes just straight up decided they weren’t having it anymore. Lost control there at the end, which is how I ended up sliding into the ditch.” 

 

“Damnit, Carol,” Daryl says. “I told you not to drive that thing. You’re lucky all you got was a nosebleed.” Carol’s arms squeeze together tighter, and she frowns at the ground.

 

“You wanna give me a lecture or do you think I got a good enough lesson already?” she asks to the gravel at her feet. Daryl sighs.

“I ain’t mad at you,” he says. “You just scared me is all.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” she mumbles. “I’m sorry.” She lifts her head and meets his eye, tears brimming. 

 

“C’mon,” Daryl says gently. “Let’s get you home.”

 

“What about Sophia?”

 

“I’ll text Axel, see if he won’t help me tow it out tomorrow, first thing.” 

 

“God, I’m sorry, more shit for you to do.”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” he says and he’s sincere, even if she doesn’t believe it. “Now, for me to take you home, you’re gonna have to tell me where you live.”

 

Carol lets out a long stream of breath through pursed lips.

 

“Yeah, I know.” She dabs at the blood above her lip, looking like how Daryl feels when he’s working up the courage for something. Finally, she nods. “Let’s go.”

 

—-

 

The tap on his shoulder tells him they’ve reached their destination. He slows his bike down on the darkened street. Every neighborhood they’d passed on the way was worse than the last, and this one is the worst one yet. The houses are small, rundown, and ugly. In the not-so-distant distance there are police sirens wailing. Somewhere nearby there’s a couple shouting profanity at each other. From behind him on the bike, as he lets it idle, Carol’s shame is tangible.

 

“It don’t matter,” he says when she makes no move to leave. “It really don’t.” She doesn’t say anything, so he shifts so he can see her. She’s picking at her nail polish, eyebrows scrunched together. “You should see where I live,” he tells her.

 

“I know this kind of thing doesn’t matter to you,” she says after another long moment of nothing. “That’s why you’re who I called, and not someone else. Nobody but you has seen this, though. This...this is new.”

“I won’t tell nobody. I ain’t Glenn.” This earns him a fraction of a smile.

 

“We didn’t always live out here. I mean, we never had a lot of money, but we lived on a farm for a good while, and that was fine, because at least we had our own land, you know?” She’s still got her eyes trained on her hands. “But then...then stuff happened, and our land got foreclosed on, and money got tighter, and here we are. Everyone just thinks my daddy is strict about having people on his property, ‘cause that’s what I used to say when we were still on the farm, and I haven’t bothered to change the story.” 

 

“There’s more to it than foreclosure, though, ain’t there?”

 

Carol let’s out a humorless breath of laughter and finally lifts her head. She smiles at him sadly.

 

“Yeah, there’s more to it than that.” 

 

“I’m not asking right now.”

 

“Good, because I don’t feel like telling. I gotta save what little is left of my energy for getting my ass handed to me for trashing my truck.”

 

“That wasn’t your fault, though. Brakes went out, coulda happened anytime.”

 

“Yeah, well, that won’t matter to my daddy.”

 

It wouldn’t matter to Daryl’s daddy either, and even though he’s pretty sure that’s not what’s going on with her, there’s a small part of him that needs to be sure. He drums his fingers against his thigh, and tries to keep his voice neutral when he asks,

 

“Are you… are you safe?” 

 

Carol’s eyebrows go up a little in surprise at the question. Then, as she searches his face, something washes over her that Daryl worries might be realization. “Yes, I’m safe,” she says quietly. “Daryl… are you?” 

 

“I’m fine,” he says, instantly paling, thankful for the darkness.

 

“That’s not what I asked.”

 

He chews on his lower lip. 

 

“You go on now,” he says, nodding towards the shoddy house with her address printed on the front. “Go get some rest. I’ll message you in the morning about getting Sophia to the shop.”

 

Carol clearly has more to say, but Daryl tells her with his face not to say it, and she listens. She lifts a leg up over the bike and straightens herself out, handing him back his helmet.

 

“Thank you.” It’s the most loaded appreciation she’s ever given him.

 

“Ain’t nothin’,” he says.

 

“It’s always something. Every time, it’s more something than it was before, and I’m sorry I keep asking you for things.”

 

“Yeah well,” Daryl says, taking the helmet and putting it over his own head. “Don’t be sorry. Don’t go crashing no more cars, though, neither.”

 

“Don’t have a car to crash,” she says sadly. “Goodnight, Daryl.”

 

“Night.” 

 

He waits until she’s fully inside before pulling away. He tries to lose his thoughts in the whipping of the wind against his ears, but they refuse to quiet down.

 

He has a text from her when he gets home.

 

(1:41a) *I’m not asking, and I won’t ask, but you and I both know a real fine from a fake fine. If you ever need to talk about it you have my number.*

 

He doesn’t reply, but then, he doesn’t think she expects him to. She knows him better than anybody at this point. And isn’t that just the scariest goddamn thing? Fitting, he supposes, a sheer dose of terror to end his Halloween.

 


	12. Chapter 12

_ Sunday _

 

(8:09a) _ _ unknown sent you a photo _ _

 

(8:09a) _morning sweetheart ;)_

 

(8:13a) -yeah who tf is this?-

 

(8:14a) _tobin. we talked last nite @ the party_

 

—-

 

(8:16a) -hey hope ur feeling ok n everything but quick question-

 

(8:16a) -y did i wake up 2 a dick pic frm tobin?-

 

(8:19a) *OH NO.*

 

(8:20a) *Shit shit shit shit shit, I am soooo sorry omg.*

 

(8:20a) *He asked for my phone number and I panicked and just said the first one that came to mind and it was yours and then I forgot to tell you. I figured he'd just send a “hey” and you'd tell him it was the wrong number and he'd go on his way. He's so boring and unassuming, I didn't think he'd be a dick pic guy.*

 

(8:21a) *I should have known, though. First rule of talking to boys: Always assume they're dick pic guys until proven otherwise.*

 

(8:22a) -u kno my phone # by heart?-

 

(8:23a) *Yeah idk, apparently I do.*

 

(8:24a) -also i prmse im not a dick pic guy-

 

(8:25a) *Lol! I had come to that conclusion, funnily enough.*

 

—-

 

(8:25a) -she gave u the wrong # man-

 

(8:25a) -glad she did tho-

 

(8:25a) -not cuz i wnted 2 c tht but bc she ddnt hv 2-

 

(8:26a) -keep ur dick pics away frm girls-

 

(8:26a) -keep thm away frm everyone actually-

 

(8:28a) _sorry for sending to the wrong person but u don't know shit about who i was sending that to, how do you know it wasn't for my girl and i just typed the wrong #?_

 

(8:30a) -wtf r u tlking abt u told me u got this # at the party dumbass-

 

(8:31a) _don’t call me a dumbass_

 

(8:33a) -i had 2 wake up 2 ur dick i'll call u w/e i wnt-

 

(8:34a) _just delete the pic and stop being an asshole_

 

(8:35a) -i will if u prmse to leave carol alone-

 

(8:36a) _how’d u know i was texting carol? who is this?_

 

(8:38a) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(8:40a) _oh fuck dixon. look man, i'm sorry. i didn't mean anything by it._

 

(8:40a) -unless she comes up 2 u n says she wnts 2 c ur goods u keep tht thng away frm her-

 

(8:42a) _yep. got it. sorry._

 

(8:43a) -idiot-

 

—-

 

(8:43a) -k well hes not gna bug u anymore-

 

(8:44a) *Omg Daryl, what did you do?*

 

(8:45a) -told him who i was since ig ppl r scared of me n told him to not show u his dick unless u ask-

 

(8:47a) *Lmao, well thank god you left that window open for me in case I ever get the urge.*

 

(8:47a) *I am genuinely sorry about that, though. From experience I can say that seeing unsolicited dick pics is a very jarring way to wake up.*

 

(8:48a) -better me thn u after the nite u had-

 

(8:50a) *Talk about sacrifice. You're my hero.*

 

(8:53a) -lmao-

 

(8:53a) -how r u feeling fr tho? dont lie-

 

(8:55a) *Sore. Really sore. Whiplash in my neck, and I think there's a bruise on my collarbone where the seatbelt snagged me. That, and there's this gorgeous detail:*

 

(8:56a)  _ *carol sent a photo* _

 

(8:58a) -ouch-

 

(9:01a) *Yeah, gonna hafta wear a lot of makeup to cover that one up. That, or I can just say I dyed my nose purple as a fashion statement.*

 

(9:03a) -head feel ok?-

 

(9:06p) *Yes, it's fine. I don't have a concussion or anything, don’t worry.*

 

(9:14a) -k well i txtd axel b4 i fell aslp last nite n he replied sayin he'll hlp tow ur truck. im gna go w/ n look it ovr n shit. dont wry abt cming w/. u got work 2day? if so u shud skip cuz ur hurt-

 

(9:16a) *I actually already called in, which, for the record, makes me feel like a massive piece of shit, but 1. bending down constantly to shelve books sounds so painful rn, and 2. I don't have a vehicle.*

 

(9:17a) *Dad went apeshit on me, btw. Yelled about how irresponsible I am, which was great and just what I needed.*

 

(9:18a) -it wsnt ur fault-

 

(9:19a) -like at all-

 

(9:21a) *¯\\_(ツ)_/¯*

 

(9:21a) *Frankly, he's probably just mad that I didn't find a husband at the party last night.*

 

(9:24a) -thts dumb-

 

(9:25a) *Yeah it's not great. I am not looking forward to being stuck here all day with no means of escape.*

 

(9:32a) -do u wna do smthn?-

 

(9:33a) *Like what?*

 

(9:40a) -idk after i look at ur truck wna come ovr or smthn?-

 

(9:40a) -only if u wnt-

 

(9:41a) -i was just thinking tht since ur hurt we shdnt go do anything too xciting-

 

(9:41a) -tho my place isnt rly nice-

 

(9:41a) -its gross tbh-

 

(9:41a) -so its fine we cn do smthn else 

 

(9:41a) -or we dnt hv to do anything i get it its cool-

 

(9:42a) -anyway im gna leave here in a bit 2 go meet axel-

 

(9:43a) *Hold up, cowboy.*

 

(9:43a) *Did you just invite me over but then talk me out of it /for/ me?*

 

(9:44a) -idk-

 

(9:45a) *Ok. Did you put any Reeses in the freezer like I suggested?*

 

(9:46a) -ya-

 

(9:47a) *Do you live near anywhere that sells vanilla ice cream?*

 

(9:47a) -ya-

 

(9:48a) *Do you still get the Lifetime Movie Network?*

 

(9:49a) -its like 1 of 6 channels that i get w/out static-

 

(9:49a) *And will Henry be there?*

 

(9:50a) -ofc-

 

(9:51a) *Idk about you, but it sounds like the perfect afternoon to me.*

 

(9:52a) *Pick me up after you get my girl to the shop?*

 

(9:54a) -ok-

 

(9:55a) *Good. See you soon.*

 

—-

 

“Told you this thing was scrap metal,” says Axel as he hooks Sophia to the tow rope. She’s an even sadder sight in the daylight, her whole left side dented, with one of the rear tires knocked right out of alignment. If she wasn’t worth fixing before, she’s beyond help now, and Daryl feels stupidly like someone tasked with delivering the news of the passing of a loved one. Carol is going to be crushed.

 

“Just glad she weren’t hurt worse,” Daryl says, catching himself before clarifying he means Carol and not Sophia, because he’s pretty sure Axel would laugh him outta Georgia if he knew Daryl’d been entertaining the silly name.

 

“If she’d crashed like this on the driver’s side she’d really be hurtin’,” Axel agrees. He straightens up, wipes his hands on his pants, turns to Daryl, looks him in the eye, and says, “So, you hit that yet?”

 

Daryl turns a deep, deep shade of red.

 

“Fuck off,” he mutters, heading towards the tow truck. “Told you, ain’t like that.”

 

“That why I got a text at two in the fucking morning begging me to come and help you move this girl’s truck for her ‘cause you’re worried about her being able to pay for a professional tow? That why you were up that late in the first place, rescuing this chick?” 

 

“She was in an accident and was stranded, the fuck was I supposed to do, just leave her there?”

 

“Nah, ‘course not. I’m just sayin’, in all the time I known you, you ain’t had so much as an acquaintance you was friendly with, and now this girl seems t'ave become your whole world. Well, her and that dog.”

 

“Stick it in your ass,” Daryl grunts, climbing up into the passenger seat and slamming the door. Axel gets in on the other side and switches on the ignition. 

 

“Just looking out for you, kid,” Axel says. “She’s a cute little thing, and cute little things can get in your head. I just don’t want you doin’ all these favors for her and then her going off and findin’ someone new once she gets everything she can outta you.”

 

“Nah, she ain’t like that,” Daryl says with certainty. “She don’t use people.” He can’t speak for the “finding someone new” part—he’d be amiss to deny that half of him has been preparing for her to come to her senses and peace out since the day they started talking.

 

“Good. I ain’t here tryna insult your girl. It’s just, all’a us down at the shop, we ain’t got the first clue what to do with a heartbroken Daryl, so it’s best if we just avoid it all together.”

 

“Pfft,” Daryl scoffs. “Like that’ll happen.”

 

“Hate to break this to you, kid,” Axel says, throwing the truck in reverse but keeping his foot on the brake so he can give Daryl a significant look. “But you ain’t as tough as you think. That heart of yours? It’s  _ all _ glass.”

 

Daryl scowls, glaring out the window at the remnants of Sophia. He mutters,

 

“Just drive, asshole.” 

 

—-

 

She’s waiting for him at the corner when he turns down her street, and he has the suspicion it’s because he doesn’t want her parents to see her getting inside some guy’s shitty pickup. Daryl doesn’t know exactly what type of guy Carol’s dad is trying to find for her, but he’s certain he’s not it. Even if he didn’t have ridiculous standards, what kind of father would ever want someone like a Dixon for their daughter?

 

“No bike today?” Carol asks, lifting herself up into the passenger side. She tries and fails to hide a wince.

 

“Figured it’d be easier for you to ride in the pickup than the bike,” he explains, giving her a pointed look that says he’s not remotely fooled by her brushing off her pain. He notices she’s put concealer over her bruise, although he can still see part of it. “I crashed the bike once,” he says, shifting the gear into drive. “Took too sharp a turn and threw myself right off the damn thing. Only mark on me was a skinned knee, but you’d’ve thought I’d been hit by a train by how bad I ached that next day.”

 

“I really am fine, Daryl,” Carol insists. “I was right when I said I didn’t need to go to the hospital.”

 

“Maybe you ain’t gonna die, but that don’t mean you don’t hurt, that’s all I’m saying.” Carol huffs a little, so Daryl changes the subject. “Your daddy was cool with you going out today even after getting pissed with you?”

 

“Oh no, not at all,” Carol says, like it’s the last thing on Earth she’d entertain caring about. “He cursed up a storm when I told him I wouldn’t be back until later, but I figure I’m already in trouble and my weekend has already been complete garbage, so how much worse can it get?”

 

“What about your momma?”

 

“She’s just like you—worried about me, but I’m sure she’d want me to go out and enjoy myself today. Her opinion doesn’t carry a lot of weight around my house, though.”

 

Daryl nods. They ride down the highway a ways in companionable silence—something that never ceases to amaze Daryl. He always figured that having a friend would mean having to learn to be comfortable with constant chatter; it never once occurred to him that friendship could mean simply being happy with each other’s presence in the quiet.

 

Eventually, they pass by the ditch Carol crammed Sophia in last night, and she sighs.

 

“I’ve been avoiding this, but I’m gonna have to know sooner or later, so tell me—how bad is she?”

 

“Sophia?” Daryl asks. He knows perfectly well that she’s talking about Sophia, but he’s stalling, because Sophia is not doing well. On the contrary—

 

“Is she dead?”

 

—Sophia is dead.

 

“Uhm…’kay, good news and bad news,” he says.

 

“Bad news first.”

 

“Truck’s totalled.” He glances at Carol and her lips are drawn into a very thin line that Daryl fears may be representative of how close she is to losing her shit. 

 

“What’s the good news?” she asks.

 

“When you crashed into that ditch, it fixed whatever the fuck was wrong with your passenger side door. Opens just fine now.” Carol glares at him, though she looks close to cracking a smile, so Daryl counts it as a win. 

 

“I have no idea what I’m gonna do,” she says. “How I’m gonna get to school and work. Michonne said she’d give me rides when she can, but I don’t want her seeing...well, where I live. I know that’s stupid, you don’t have to tell me.” 

 

“Nah, I get it,” Daryl says, thinking about how he spent thirty minutes power cleaning his house and mentally reprimanding himself after inviting Carol over, because why in the fuck would he want her to see the squalor he lives in? “I can give you rides.”

 

“Daryl,” Carol says flatly. “I live forty five minutes outside of town. You’ve already done a million and two things for me. At this point it’d just be taking advantage.”

 

Daryl entertains what Axel said on that exact topic this morning for about two seconds, before deciding he doesn’t fucking care.

 

“It’s fine. Let’s say it’s just for this week, if that’ll make you feel better. Give you time to work something out.”

 

“Ugh,” Carol groans, covering her face with her hands. She drops them into her lap and shakes her head at him. “You really are the definition of a ride or die friend, you know that?” 

 

He has no idea what that means so he just shrugs.

 

“Just wanna help,” he says. 

 

“I’ll pay for gas.”

 

“If it’ll make you feel better.”

 

“And I’ll find a way to make it up to you. Everything. I’ll make everything up to you.”

 

Daryl shrugs again. He doesn’t bother telling her that having her in his life is repayment enough. 

 

—-

 

“Henry, careful, she’s hurt,” he tells his dog, even though it’s futile. Henry is greeting Carol with more enthusiasm than he ever shows anyone else, and Daryl finds it kind of embarrassing that even his dog is completely smitten with her. 

 

“Worth it,” Carol says, embracing Henry and laughing as he kisses her face. A momentary wave a jealousy washes over Daryl and he immediately wants to drown himself for being  _ so _ stupid.

 

Carol doesn’t say one word about Daryl’s house. 

 

She waits patiently as he does the trick to kick in his front door. She ignores the three twelve packs stacked on the counter as he shows him the proper way to crush Reeses cups into a bowl of vanilla ice cream. She curls up on the couch with Henry at her feet, and doesn’t complain once that it has holes in it and smells like a decade worth of stale cigarettes. Daryl’s never felt less judged in his life, and the unfamiliarity of it makes him anxious. He sits next to her, a safe several inches keeping them apart, not that it matters, because he’s still painfully aware of her presence. 

 

“Okay, but tell me this isn’t the best dessert you’ve ever had,” Carol says, grinning at him as he tries what is essentially a homemade Mcflurry. He has to concede to the fact that it  _ is _ pretty fucking awesome.

 

“Yeah, you’re right,” he says.

 

“I always am,” she says with a smirk. She burrows into the cushion, making herself right at home, while Daryl flips through channels until he finds Lifetime. There’s a commercial for constipation that they both snicker at, because they’re seventeen.

 

“Oh sweet,” Carol says when the movie comes back on. “This is the one where everyone in the high school gets syphilis.” 

 

“I really hate that I know what one you’re talking about,” Daryl says, and her laughter is worth admitting he sometimes lays on his couch mindlessly watching Lifetime movies.

 

The next hour is full of Daryl grinning as Carol mocks the movie. 

 

“I don’t even know twenty people, how does this high school kid get around so much?” Daryl asks.

 

“This is before Tinder, too, they’d have had to speak in person.”

 

“Fuck that.”

 

“You may be antisocial, but at least you’re safe from syphilis.” 

 

“Least there’s that.”

 

Daryl never imagined having someone over to his place could be so comfortable. Hell, Daryl never imagined having someone over to his place period. She keeps throwing wrenches in everything he thought he knew at every turn, and he finds that he doesn’t mind it. He might even enjoy it.

 

“Where’s your bathroom?” Carol asks when the credits roll.

 

“Over there,” Daryl says, nodding down the short hallway. “Sorry in advance, it’s gross.”

 

“I’ll survive,” she says. She steps over Henry who tries to follow her. 

 

“You know you’re my dog, not hers, right?” he asks him, holding him by the collar so she can go pee in peace.

 

“You named him Dog. He’s just thankful that I saved him from a life of having such mediocre name,” she calls over her shoulder. Daryl snorts.

 

He waits on the couch, petting Henry behind the ears. “Traitor,” he mutters at him. Henry rests his head on Daryl’s knees and is instantly forgiven.

 

“Is that your mom?” Carol’s voice comes a minute or two later. He looks over to where she’s standing, staring into Daryl’s pathetic excuse for a room where he stupidly left the door open. He knows the picture of his mom scotch taped to the wall is in plain view. 

 

“Yeah,” he says. 

 

“She was beautiful,” she says distantly. She shakes her head, seemingly snapping herself out of thought. “Sorry. I don’t mean to snoop.” 

 

“S”fine,” Daryl says as she sits back down on the couch. Henry immediately ditches him in favor of her. He can’t even blame him.

 

The silence in the room is different over the next ten minutes, and Daryl isn’t sure why. It’s heavy, like there’s something not being said. He keeps glancing over at Carol, but he can’t read her face. Finally, he can’t stand it anymore.

 

“‘Kay, you gonna tell me what’s on your mind?” he asks. She turns her head to face him. She doesn’t say anything for a minute; just stares at him with a faraway look in her eye.

 

“My mom is dying,” she says finally. “I probably should have told you a long time ago.” She says it simply; factually. It takes Daryl a minute to process it, but when he does, he finds that it makes about a million things finally fall into place.

 

“What’s she got?” he asks quietly.

 

“Late stage Huntington’s disease,” she says, her voice still matter-of-fact. “It’s bad.” 

 

“Dunno what that is.”

 

“Basically at this point she’s lost all control of her body. She can barely do anything, and her brain’s barely there. She gets moments of lucidity, but they’re far and few between. Mostly she’s just confused. And irritable. God, she gets irritable.

 

“When she started to get to the point where she couldn’t work anymore, that’s when the farm got foreclosed on and we had to move. My dad, he only works now and then, jumping between jobs, claiming he can’t work because someone has to be at home to take care of her, but usually the caretaking falls to me. That’s why I’m up at odd hours and always working. We basically only stay afloat between mom’s social security and my paychecks. 

 

“She’s deteriorated so much that she really should be in hospice care, but dad refuses; says we can take care of her just fine, but that’s ‘cause he doesn’t do shit half the time. She can’t even use the bathroom, Daryl.” She has no emotion in her voice, but her eyes betray her. She has pure desperation in her expression, and he knows right then and there that this is the first time she’s ever told anyone about what’s going on at home. 

 

“How long’s she got?”

 

“I don’t know,” she says. “People with Huntington’s usually go when they catch something else and their shit body can’t fight it off. I guess we’re just waiting for her to get pneumonia or something. How fucked up is that? Makes it sound like I’m just twiddling my thumbs until my own mother gets sick enough to kick the bucket.”

 

“That’s all real fucking shitty,” he says, because what else do you say? He knows Carol well enough to know she doesn’t want to be showered with cliches—with “I’m sorrys” and high-pitched pity voices and sympathetic frowns—and Daryl wouldn’t know how to give them even if she did. 

 

“It’s how my grandma went. My great grandma, too. There’s a whole line of women in my family that have died from it. Rarely the men, oddly enough. That’s the really fun part, though. It’s genetic. Fifty fifty chance of your kid having the fucked up gene. Guess what that means for this moi?”

 

“Fuck.”

 

“Yeah, tell me about it. Shit cherry on top of a shit sundae. I could find out, if I wanted, get tested. Haven’t worked up the nerve yet, though. Not while seeing my mom like she is. I mean, with my luck, I wouldn’t be surprised, but there’s something about getting up in the middle of the night to shift your mom around on her mattress so she doesn’t get bed sores that really makes it hard to think about yourself going through the same thing. At least if I don’t get the test I can pretend there’s still that fifty percent chance, you know?”

 

“I get it,” Daryl say, heart hurting for her. “Life really deals out bullshit cards sometimes, huh?”

 

“That it does,” she agrees, leaning back, looking deflated; maybe out of relief; maybe just out of exhaustion.  

 

“Want more ice cream?” Daryl asks. She grins.

 

“You know exactly how to soothe a wound,” she tells him. And then, much quieter, she says, “I’m really glad you’re my friend, Daryl.”

 

He blushes and nods.

 

“Me too.”

 

—-

 

(9:08p) -wut does ride or die mean? is it gud or bad?-

 

(9:14p) ~where the fuck have you been?~

 

(9:15p) -forgot i silenced the chat-

 

(9:17p) ~rude.~

 

(9:19p) >Ride or die is a good thing. It’s like saying “he’s with me through thick and thin.”<

 

(9:21p) -k thnx-

 

(9:21p) -congrats btw-

 

(9:23p) >On what?<

 

(9:23p) >OH.<

 

(9:24p) >Say nothing else, blabbermouth doesn’t know and we’re keeping it on the downlow for now.<

 

(9:26p) ~wait what don’t i know?~

 

(9:27p) -a lot of thngs-

 

(9:27p) >It’d take less time to list the things you /do/ know.<

 

(9:29p) ~okay, uncalled for.~

 

(9:32) >Sorry, but you’ve lost secret privileges, Glenn.<

 

(9:33p) -idk y u had them in the first place-

 

(9:34p) ~ :( ~

 

(9:36p) >Hey, I heard Carol was in a car accident. Is she okay?<

 

(9:37p) -ya shes fine weve been hanging out all day i just took her home-

 

(9:40p) >What!!!<

 

(9:41p) ~deets deets deets!~

 

(9:42p) -jfc chill-

 

(9:42p) -we just watched movies n shit-

 

(9:45p) >She let you take her to her house, though? She /never/ has let us see where she lives. She says her dad is really strict.<

 

(9:46p) ~guess she’s making an exception for sultry woodsman over here.~

 

(9:47p) -idk she doesnt have a truck no more ig she had to make an exception-

 

(9:47p) -also stfu glenn-

 

(9:50p) >I heard Ezekiel, Tobin, and Ed all struck out last night.<

 

(9:51p) ~maybe because her eyes are elsewhere…~

 

(9:53p) -tht or theyre all weird creepy dudes she doesnt wna get w/-

 

(9:53p) -also plz nvr bring up tobin again i wna 4get he exists-

 

(9:54p) ~why?~

 

(9:55p) -just dont bring him up-

 

(9:57p) ~is he hitting on you now that he struck out with carol? sending you sexy messages? chatting you up?~

 

(9:58p) -i will block u again-

 

(10:01p) >Break it up you two.<

 

(10:02p) >Real talk, though, Daryl. Would you ever consider asking Carol out?<

 

(10:03p) ~don’t bother rick, i’ve been down this road with him already.~

 

(10:05p) -look she dont need another guy tryna get w/ her rite now shes got enuf on her plate-

 

(10:06p) -she just needs a friend n im cool w/ tht-

 

(10:09p) >Noble of you, though I still think she’d be open to it.<

 

(10:11p) ~who could say no to such a sultry woodsman?~

 

(10:12p) -say sultry woodsman again i dare u-

 

(10:14p) ~...sultry woodsman.~

 

(10:15p) - _ you blocked dumbass _ -

 

(10:17p) >I don’t know what he thought was going to happen.<

 

(10:18p) -ya well-

 

(10:18p) -no one ever claimed he was smart-

 

—-

 

(11:11p) *Wish.*

 

(11:11p) -k i did-

 

(11:12p) *!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

 

(11:12p) *Seriously?!*

 

(11:13p) -mhm-

 

(11:14p) * :’) *

 

(11:16p) *Hey Daryl?*

 

(11:17p) -ya?-

 

(11:21p) *Thank you.*

 

(11:22p) -ride or die rite?-

 

(11:23p) *Lmao! Right.*

 

(11:24p) -c u in the morning carol-

 

(11:25p) *See you in the morning, Daryl.*

 

(11:25p) *Goodnight. <3*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. you really should try crushing up frozen reeses in vanilla ice cream  
> 2\. yes that's a real lifetime movie


	13. Chapter 13

_ Monday _

 

“Good morning,” says Carol, getting into Daryl’s truck when he pulls up to her on the corner. She’s considerably too chipper for this time of day, but then, Daryl reminds himself, who knows how long she’s already been up for? “Still no bike today?” Daryl smiles a little.

 

“No bike until you can get into the pickup without wincing,” he says, noting how her hand is pressed up against her rib cage.

 

“Oh whatever,” she says. “I keep telling you I’m fine.”

 

“Maybe one day I’ll believe you,” he says “You should get a bike when you get yourself a new ride, since you love it so much.”

 

“I love being a passenger,” she corrects. “Dunno if I could drive one.”

 

“Sure you could, it’s easy.”

 

“Maybe I’ll have you teach me sometime,” she says, digging in her bag for something. She pulls out an aux cord and hands it to Daryl. He blinks at her. “I’m not starting my day driving into town with no music,” she explains.

 

“I don’t listen to nothin’,” Daryl says, plugging in the cord. She takes the end and connects it to her phone.

 

“I figured. Lucky for you, I have my Monday morning playlist all set and ready to go.” She presses a few icons on her phone, and soon music comes filtering out of Daryl’s neglected, tinny speakers.

 

“And what’s your Monday morning playlist?” he asks, taking the first turn out of Carol’s neighborhood towards the highway.

 

“It’s entirely Fleetwood Mac, she says. “Fair warning, so are my Tuesday through Friday playlists. Stevie Nicks makes me feel capable of surviving the day.” Daryl grunts.

 

“Aight,” she says. It doesn’t make any difference to him. It’s better than all the white power country music Merle would listen to at full blast whenever they rode around together. “We stopping for coffee before goin’ to school?”

 

“That’s the sexiest thing a boy has ever asked me,” Carol says gratefully.

 

“Stop,” Daryl mutters with a blush. “That mean yes?”

 

“Yes please. I’ll buy you a scone or something.”

 

“Don’t gotta.”

 

“Yeah, but I’m gonna.”

 

“How many shots today?” he asks, glancing over at her.

 

“I think only one.”

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“Yeah,” she says. “This is one of my better mornings.”

 

Me too, Daryl doesn’t say.

 

—-

 

(7:51a) >Glenn wants to know if you will please unblock him.<

 

(7:53a) -ugh fine ig-

 

(7:54a) - _ you unblocked dumbass _ -

 

(7:54a) >Although I should probably warn you...oh nevermind you already unblocked him.<

 

(7:55a) -wait warn me of wut?-

 

(7:55a) >You'll find out momentarily…<

 

(7:56a) - :/ -

 

(7:57a) ~THANKS FOR UNBLOCKING ME DARYL.~

 

(7:58a) -wtf y r u yelling?-

 

(8:00a) ~MY PHONE IS GLITCHING SO FOR SOME REASON I CAN'T TURN OFF THE CAPTAIN'S COCK.~

 

(8:00a) ~*CAPSLOCK~

 

(8:02a) -rick y tf did u tell me 2 unblock him?-

 

(8:04a) >I didn't, I just told you he asked me to ask you if you would. Don't shoot the messenger.<

 

(8:05a) ~PLEASE DON'T BLOCK ME AGAIN.~

 

(8:06a) -ur lucky im in a gud mood-

 

(8:08a) ~I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE CAPABLE OF GOOD MOODS. I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST PERPETUALLY GRUMPY.~

 

(8:10a) >God it's like you're screaming in my ear.<

 

(8:12a) -im not always grumpy wtf-

 

(8:14a) > :/ <

 

(8:14a) ~ /: ~

 

(8:16a) -im not-

 

(8:19a) >Well I'm glad you're in a good mood, which is definitely something that happens regularly and we aren't surprised by it at all.<

 

(8:20a) -stfu-

 

(8:22a) ~SO WHAT DID CAROL DO TO PUT YOU IN A GOOD MOOD?~

 

(8:26a) -who said anything abt carol?-

 

(8:28a) >Okay, but like...it /was/ Carol that put you in a good mood though, right?<

 

(8:38a) -i still cud tell glenn ur secret jsyk-

 

(8:41a) >Blackmailing is illegal, asshole.*

 

(8:44a) -yes it is-

 

(8:46a) ~DO WE HAVE TO RUB MY INABILITY TO KEEP A SECRET IN MY FACE?~

 

(8:48a) >I genuinely can't take anything you say seriously when you're typing like that.<

 

(8:49a) -fix ur damn phone-

 

(8:50a) ~SCREWDRIVER YOU GUYS.~

 

(8:50a) ~GODDAMNIT. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!~

 

—-

 

(8:04a) -i hve tht song stuck in my head-

 

(8:07a) *Which one?*

 

(8:11a) -tht one tht u played twice n sang rly loud-

 

(8:13a) *Thunder only happens when it's raining, Daryl.*

 

(8:13a) *Players only love you when their playing.*

 

(8:15a) -yeah tht one-

 

(8:16a) *Women they may come and they may go.*

 

(8:17a) -this isnt helping-

 

(8:17a) *When the rain washes you clean you'll know…*

 

(8:19a) -r we done now?-

 

(8:22a) *This is what you get for being nice to me. It's what you signed up for. Endless Stevie Nicks.*

 

(8:23a) *Well, I have a couple ABBA songs too.*

 

(8:23a) *But mostly Stevie!*

 

(8:27a) -we're taking the bike as soon as ur better. no aux on tht-

 

(8:31a) *In that case I think I might prefer the pickup now.*

 

(8:39a) -ur impossible-

 

(8:41a) *¯\\_(ツ)_/¯*

 

(8:45a) -wut time r u off work again btw?-

 

(8:48a) *Nine. That still ok? Michonne is taking me to work after I get out of practice. She is staying after school to “study for a science test with Rick,” so if they both end up suspended it's probably bc they were fucking in the chemistry lab.*

 

(8:50a) -noted n also ew-

 

(8:53a) *Your shy little hi never stops being adorable.*

 

(8:53a) *We've been to each other's houses. We literally spent the entire day together yesterday. You can talk me at school, Daryl, I promise nothing will explode.*

 

(8:54a) -anyway-

 

(8:54a) -pick u up at 9 thn?-

 

(8:55a) *Yes.*

 

(8:55a) *I still hate that I am mooching rides off you, btw.*

 

(8:56a) -ik but dnt wry abt it-

 

(8:56a) -look at this instead-

 

(8:57a) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(8:58a) *Why does he look so sad tho??*

 

(8:59a) -tht was after i got home frm dropping u off last nite he kept looking at the door i think he was waiting 4 u-

 

(9:00a) *Oh no!*

 

(9:01a) -yeah he likes u way better thn me-

 

(9:04a) *My heart is actually broken, I have to see him again soon.*

 

(9:07a) -fine w/ me he actually behaves himself whn ur around-

 

(9:07a) -well. kinda.-

 

(9:11a) *He's an angel.*

 

(9:14a) -hes rly not-

 

(9:17a) -ugh essays-

 

(9:19a) *Have you picked your thesis statement?*

 

(9:20a) -lol-

 

(9:23a) *I mean, same, but still. I'll help you with your essay.*

 

(9:25a) -no im rly bad u cant read it-

 

(9:25a) -4 to 5 pages is so much im gna get like a 2%-

 

(9:27a) *Is this what I sounded like about the french test?*

 

(9:30a) -yes xcept u also tlked abt an owl constantly-

 

(9:31a) *Praise be to the duolingo owl.*

 

(9:32a) *But anyway.*

 

(9:32a) *Let me help you. I promise I won't make fun.*

 

(9:35a) - :/ -

 

(9:37a) *I owe you so many favors, let me put a dent in my debt.*

 

(9:41a) -i told u u dnt owe me but idk i'll think abt it-

 

(9:43a) *Just so I'm prepared, tho, do you write as incomprehensibly as you text?*

 

(9:46a) -i use more vowels-

 

(9:46a) -still not gr8 tho-

 

(9:48a) *Ok. I can handle that.*

 

(9:50a) -we'll c-

 

(9:52a) *Rick right after you left: “He's gotten so much chattier.”

 

(9:52a) *You said “see you later.” You literally said just three words and that makes ppl think you're chatty. How have you lived your life this long in silence?*

 

(9:54a) -easy i just ddnt tlk-

 

(9:56a) *Hilarious.*

 

(9:57a) -idk y rick is surprised i tlk to him all the time-

 

(9:58a) *Since when???*

 

(9:59a) -the grp chat-

 

(9:59a) -did i not tell u abt tht?-

 

(10:00a) *No! What?!*

 

(10:01a) *Oh goddammit you're in “can't text” class.”*

 

(10:02a) *Please explain when you're done doing math.*

 

(10:51a) -glenn forced me into a grp chat w/ him n rick-

 

(10:52a) *Amazing. What do you guys talk about?*

 

(10:54a) -idk-

 

(10:55a) *Super secret guy stuff?*

 

(10:55a) *~~~girls?~~~*

 

(10:58a) - :/ -

 

(10:59a) -tdy we’re mad at glenn bc he cnt turn capslock off on his phone-

 

(11:01a) *Omg?? What a dork.*

 

(11:02a) *Well I'm happy you're making friends. Ig I'm not special anymore…*

 

(11:05a) -i still tlk 2 u more thn anyone-

 

(11:09a) *Lmao chill, I'm kidding. I really am happy. Now when am I going to be able to get you to eat lunch with us?*

 

(11:11a) *Wish.*

 

(11:15a) -sry missed it but idk i cud tdy-

 

(11:15a) -if u wanted-

 

(11:17a) *Wait, seriously?*

 

(11:19a) -idk-

 

(11:23a) *Why today all of a sudden?*

 

(11:27a) -idk-

 

(11:27a) -cuz u wnt me 2-

 

(11:31a) *Are you using lunch as an excuse to spy on me bc you're still not convinced I'm not hurt worse?*

 

(11:33a) -no-

 

(11:34a) -ok a little-

 

(11:34a) -i think u hurt ur rib u keep holding ur side whn u move wrong-

 

(11:37a) *Ooooomg I hate how observant you are.*

 

(11:38a) -so yes ur rib hurts?-

 

(11:40a) *Yeah but doctors can't do anything for a bruised or cracked rib so I just gotta wait it out.*

 

(11:42a) -dnt like tht but ok-

 

(11:43a) -do u wnt me to come to lunch or r u mad at me now?-

 

(11:46a) *Not mad at you, tho you do worry about me way too much.*

 

(11:47a) *Yes come to lunch. I'll wait for you outside the cafeteria.*

 

(11:49a) -k-

 

(11:50a) -c u in a min-

 

—-

 

The hallway leading to the cafeteria is flooded with other students. They bump into Daryl mindlessly, laughing and talking like he’s not even there. He feels like a ghost, which isn’t an uncommon feeling for him, and he generally doesn’t care, but the mix between his peers’ utter disregard of him and having to go to the cafeteria makes him want to curl up inside himself like a turtle. 

 

To Daryl, the cafeteria is the epitome of the hell that is the public school experience. It’s loud, it’s chaotic, and his only memories of it are shrouded in a vague loneliness he hadn’t realized was there until recently—it took him having friends to realize how shitty everything was without them.

 

Stil, the kid he was not all that long ago is making a comeback the closer he gets to his destination. The kid who got picked on in elementary school, and then forgotten about from middle school onwards, is objecting to this adamantly, and Daryl comes  _ this _ close to bailing and going back to the safety of his tree, when he spots Carol leaning against the wall grinning at him through the crowd, and suddenly he has the confidence to stay.

 

“Howdy, stranger,” she says when he approaches her. “Haven’t ever seen you in this neck of the woods. When even was the last time you ate lunch here?”

 

“Not since sophomore year,” he says, shuffling up close to the wall, trying to get as far as possible from the crowd of migrating students. 

 

“You sure you’re okay? You don’t have to do this,” Carol says when he does, because she doesn’t miss a trick.

 

“I’m fine,” Daryl says, and at her raised eyebrow, he insists, “Really. I wanna try.”

 

Because he does; that’s the thing of it. He knows getting to know her friends is important to Carol, and he wasn’t lying when he said he wanted to keep an eye on her injuries, but more than that he finds he’s  _ curious _ . Like as if between Carol, Glenn, and Rick he’s been given a taste of what being a normal seventeen year old is like, and now he wants to see how much else there is to it. The day he was anxious about meeting Glenn for the first time, Carol likened the experience to a science experiment, and Daryl finds that she wasn’t far off the mark with that one.

 

“Into the belly of the beast, then,” she says, gesturing towards the cafeteria door.

 

“You first,” he says, and she is understanding enough to not give him shit; merely nods and heads inside, Daryl close at her heels.

 

Michonne is just inside the door waiting for Carol, propped up on her crutches. She sees Daryl and her eyes widen.

 

“Daryl!” she exclaims in a friendly tone, as though they’ve ever exchanged words not through Carol. “You finally got convinced to grace us with your presence.” He gives a shy nod. 

 

“C’mon,” Carol says gently.

 

She and Michonne guide him through the lunch line, where he gets mediocre cafeteria food for the first time in years—not that his peanut butter sandwich made with the end pieces of a bread loaf was going to be a gourmet meal—and they take him to what he assumes is their regular table, where her other friends are already seated.

 

“Look who Carol brought with her,” Michonne says, ditching her crutches against the end of the table and hopping over to take a seat by Rick. They glance at one another and give each other small smiles that go unnoticed by everyone else.

 

“Dixon!” Shane says. “Take a seat, man.” 

 

“Yeah, okay,” Daryl mutters. He waits for Carol to sit before sitting down beside her, attached to her side like a lost puppy. 

 

He takes stock of everyone around him. There’s Shane, Rick, Michonne, and Carol, obviously. Lori is next to Shane, and she occasionally glances over at Rick with a guilty expression that she apparently doesn’t realize is unnecessary; he’s clearly moved on, but Daryl isn’t about to tell her that. He does notice that Andrea is absent. Carol mentioned she hadn’t been sitting with them much lately.

 

Then there’s that Aaron kid who was his lab partner in biology once; he’s nice enough, or at least he never seemed annoyed by Daryl’s silence. He’s seated next to a guy who Daryl only knows as Jesus, which is questionable enough on its own, but then there’s the fact that he only knows of him because last year he got suspended for a week for streaking during a football game and it was the only thing anyone would talk about for ages. 

 

“Glad to have you here, dude,” a girl sitting across from him says, holding a fist out to him. He blinks at her before very lightly bumping his own fist against hers. She beams. Tara Chambler, Daryl recognizes. 

 

“No Glenn?” Daryl asks quietly, annoyed that he kind of wishes he was here. He might be an idiot, but he’s one of the few people Daryl’s learned to be comfortable around.

 

“He and Maggie go out for lunch together a few times a week,” Rick explains. “He’s going to be really mad he missed you eating with us, though. I’m gonna text him.”

 

“Not missing out on much,” Daryl mutters, glancing at his phone as Rick adds to the group chat,

 

(12:11p) >Guess who’s eating with us today?<

 

He looks up in time to see Rick snap a picture of him. He frowns as Rick sends it with a caption that reads, “He must have heard you weren’t going to be here today and decided it was safe to sit with us.”

 

“Speak for yourself, dude, having you here is rarer than meeting a woman who knows how to turn off a light,” Shane says.

 

“What the hell does that mean?” Michonne asks.

 

“My dad is always on my sister and mom for wasting electricity. And whenever Lori comes over to...uh, study, she always leaves on the bathroom light, so I assume it’s just a female thing.”

 

“I do not,” Lori says, elbowing him in the arm. Daryl casts a pained look to Carol who poorly suppresses a grin. 

 

“Ha, Glenn responded,” Rick says. “Hes pissed.” Daryl checks his phone.

 

(12:16p) ~WHAT THE FUCK, DARYL, YOU NEVER EAT IN THE CAFETERIA. I FEEL BETRAYED.~

 

(12:17p) -¯\\_(ツ)_/¯-

 

“Nice,” Rick says approvingly to Daryl.

 

“What’d you send him?” Carol asks.

 

“Shrug emoji,” he tells her and she beams.

 

“Hey, Daryl,” Aaron says. “Did Carol invite you to Friendsgiving?” 

 

“Uh,” Daryl says, looking to Carol for help.

 

“I didn’t,” she says, then to him she says, “I doubted you’d want to come.”

 

“You totally should though,” Tara says, and the others all makes noises of agreement. Daryl pushes peas around on his plate with a fork.

 

“What is it?” he asks.

 

“It’s our own little holiday party,” Rick says. “I’m hosting this year. It’s the day before actual Thanksgiving. We all bring food, hang out, watch dumb movies. It’s really lowkey.”

 

“Party?” he mouths helplessly at Carol.

 

“It’s not a party like Philip’s party,” she assures him. “It’s just eating and hanging out.”

 

“Can’t cook for shit,” Daryl says.

 

“Neither can I,” Tara assures him.

 

“Just make cookies with Carol. She’ll do all the work but you can pretend you helped,” Jesus says. 

 

“Rude,” Carol says. “But I mean, also true.” 

 

“I dunno, I’ll think about it,” Daryl says, now smashing his peas into a green paste. He hasn’t eaten anything, he’s too anxious.

 

(12:37p) >New quest: harassing Daryl into coming to Friendsgiving.<

 

“Why would you do that?” Daryl asks, glaring at his phone.

 

“Because if anyone can annoy you enough into doing something, it’s him,” Rick says. 

 

“Did he just tell Glenn about inviting you to the thing?” Carol asks. Daryl nods and she snorts. “Yeah, you’re screwed, he’s not going to let that one go.”

 

As if on cue, Glenn replies,

 

(12:40p) ~AYE AYE CAPTAIN’S COCK!~

 

(12:41p) ~OH FUCK YOU PHONE, THAT WAS YOUR OWN TYPO, DON’T MAKE IT A THING.~

 

“I hate him,” Daryl mutters.

 

“Liar,” Carol whispers. He scowls at her.

 

“Shut up,” he says, pocketing his phone. She just laughs. 

 

—-

 

(12:55p) *So how painful was it?*

 

(12:56p) -idk it was ok-

 

(12:56p) -they aint tht bad-

 

(12:57p) *That’s basically extreme praise in Daryl speak.*

 

(12:57p) *Think you’d ever join us again?*

 

(12:58p) -mb-

 

(12:58p) *I’ll hold you to that maybe.*

 

(12:59p) -ofc u will-

 

(1:00p) *Regardless, it was nice having you there. Thanks for coming.*

 

(1:00p) -ur welc-

 

(1:56p) *Glenn is so mad about missing you at lunch today lmao.*

 

(1:57p) -his own fault-

 

(1:57p) -y does everyone care so much?-

 

(1:58p) *I’ve told you, you’re an enigma.*

 

(1:59p) *And then when people start getting to know you and you’re not an enigma anymore, they figure out that you’re cool and then they just want to hang out with you.*

 

(2:02p) -sounds fake-

 

(2:05p) *It’s true tho.*

 

(2:09p) *So we’re back to me understanding exactly nothing in French.*

 

(2:10p) *Idk what the fuck we’re learning here, but I know the duolingo owl did not prepare me for it.*

 

(2:17p) -make a human sacrifice or smthn dnt gods like tht?-

 

(2:24p) *Ok. Are you offering yourself up?*

 

(2:32p) -only if u do it b4 our essays r due-

 

(2:33p) -u cud also sacrifice glenn thtd be nice-

 

(2:33p) -or shane so he dsnt hv to worry abt women not turning off lites-

 

(2:41p) *Lmao! God right? Would you believe that’s not even close to the dumbest thing he’s ever said?*

 

(2:44p) -yes-

 

(2:49p) *Yeah, ig that’s not super surprising.*

 

(2:52p) *You work tonight too, right?*

 

(2:56p) -mhm-

 

(2:59p) -gna go there n then go feed henry n then i’ll pick u up after ur shift-

 

(3:02p) *Ladeeda that’s so much extra driving for you and I haaaaate it ladeedadada.*

 

(3:05p) -shh-

 

(3:06p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(3:08p) *One day you won’t be able to placate me with dog pictures.*

 

(3:08p) *But today is not that day, he is cute and I love him.*

 

(3:10p) -lmao-

 

(3:11p) -i’ll c u l8r-

 

(3:13p) *Later gator.*

 

—-

 

Daryl is wiping oil off his hands with a rag, standing over a car he’s been replacing the fluids on, when Dale walks up beside him.

 

“Hey kid, how’re you doin’?” Dale asks.

 

“Fine,” Daryl says suspiciously, because Dale doesn’t make a habit of coming and just chatting for the heck of it, since he knows Daryl doesn’t do casual friendly banter. 

 

“So,” Dale says after a few beats of awkward silence. “I hear you got yourself a girl?”

 

“Oh Jesus Christ,” Daryl says, rolling his eyes and tossing his used rag on the ground with his tools. “Whatever Axel said, ignore him, he ain’t got a clue what he’s talking about.”

 

“Hey, it’s none of my business,” Dale says holding his hands up.

 

“No it ain’t,” Daryl mutters. 

 

“I did hear she crashed her truck, though, right? That one you guys brought in yesterday?” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“She’s lucky she’s okay, I don’t know how that thing was running to begin with.”

 

“I know, I told her the same thing.”

 

“How’s she getting around now?” Dale asks, and Daryl shrugs sheepishly.

 

“I’ve been givin’ her rides,” he mutters. To his credit, Dale just nods, although Daryl suspects he has more to say on the matter.

 

“Well, tell you what,” he says, putting his hands in his pockets. “You know that fixer-upper I’ve been tinkering with?”

 

“That old beat-up Chevy Cavalier?” 

 

“That’s the one.”

 

“What about it?” 

 

“I was already thinking about donating it to a shelter in town or something. I’ve gotten calls from people looking for cheap cars, and it’s nice to be able to do something for people in the community, but I haven’t promised this one to anyone yet. I was thinking that, so long as she can pay to register and plate it, she might want it.”

 

Daryl raises his eyebrows.

 

“Seriously?” he asks.

 

“Yeah, why not? I’m not using it, and it’s not like I’d make much money off it if I were to try and sell it. Now, it’s nothing fancy, and it’s got almost 100,000 miles on it, so it’s not a forever car, but it runs, and it’s definitely safer than that death trap she was driving. I even just replaced the brakes.”

 

“That’d be really cool,” Daryl says, thinking about how relieved Carol will be. 

 

“Then consider it hers. Let me do some detailing on it, and she can have it by the end of the week. Sound good?”

 

“For sure. Thank you.”

 

“Not a problem,” Dale says. He then grins a little mischievously. “Besides, I figured it might get you a few points in your favor with her. How many high school students can get their girl a car?”

 

“She ain’t my girl,” Daryl says for what feels like the millionth time, cheeks turning red.

 

“Well,” Dale says with a shrug. “Maybe this’ll help.”

 

“I ain’t tryna buy her, Dale.”

 

“Not buy her; show her that you care.”

 

Daryl frowns down at his shoes. Not feeling like arguing anymore, he nods. Dale claps him on the shoulder, and Daryl flinches but doesn’t think he notices. 

 

“You tell her, then, and I’ll get it all ready for her.”

 

Daryl mutters another thanks, and when Dale is out of sight he smiles to himself, happy because she’s going to be happy; happy because she deserves a win. And sure, he’ll admit it: Happy because he’s the one who gets to make her happy, something he’d never cared about with anyone else.

 

But she’s sure as hell not just anyone else.

 

—-

 

“Hey, so I got somethin’ to tell you,” Daryl says after Carol is done telling him about the customer she had tonight who asked her if she’d ever consider wearing a push-up bra, “no offense.”

 

“Uh oh, what?” she ask, clearly wired to expect bad news always.

 

“My boss came and talked to me today, and he was tellin’ me that sometimes he fixes up old cars and donates them, and I guess he saw the mess your truck was in yesterday, and he asked me if you needed a new ride.”

 

He glances over at her to see her squinting at him.

 

“Okay, so what are you saying?”

 

“He’s got this beater car he’s been lookin’ to get rid of. He said that if you want it, it’s yours.” 

 

“What?”

 

“Yeah. I mean, it’s nothin’ fancy, but he says it’ll run, and it’ll be safe.”

 

“I don’t get it, are you offering me a  _ car _ ?” 

 

“I mean, technically Dale is.”

 

“Daryl…” 

 

“And you don’t got to feel guilty about it, ‘cause like I said, he was already gonna just give it away.” 

 

“I don’t…Okay.” She sounds shocked, so Daryl just keeps talking.

 

“It’ll need’a be registered and plated, which I can spot you on if you need me—”

 

“Can you pull over for a second?” Carol asks abruptly, cutting him off. He frowns over at her, but pulls over onto the shoulder. Immediately, she unbuckles her seatbelt. 

 

“What are you—” he starts, but then Carol is engulfing him in a huge hug, crushing him to her chest, so unexpectedly he doesn’t even wince. She buries her face in his shoulder and he can smell her shampoo and rose scented perfume.

 

“Thank you,” she says muffled against his jacket. She pulls back enough to look up at him and adds, “And don’t you dare say ‘it ain’t nothin’,’ because it is. It’s huge. Do you understand how big this is?” She shakes her head, finally pulling away. Daryl feels somewhat frozen in place. He can’t remember the last time someone  _ hugged _ him. His momma, maybe. Has it really been that long? He swallows thickly.

 

“You’re welcome,” he mumbles. 

 

“How do you keep managing to save my ass time and time again?” 

 

“I dunno. Isn’t that what friends do?” Maybe it’s not; he really wouldn’t know.

 

“Only the really great ones,” she says, using the pads of her middle fingers to wipe some budding tears from her eyes. “But you do know that I would like you even if you didn’t do this stuff for me, right? That our friendship isn’t conditional on favors and gifts?”

 

He thinks of Axel’s concerns; thinks of Dale suggesting he persuade her with material goods. He shakes his head.

 

“Never thought it did,” he says honestly. “Just like to help.”

 

She smiles so warmly it makes his face hot.

 

“Lucky me,” she says.

 

—-

 

(10:32p) ~GUYS I REALLY NEED TO FIX THIS CAPSLOCK THING, MAGGIE IS REFUSING TO TEXT ME BACK BECAUSE IT’S SO ANNOYING.~

 

(10:36p) >I didn’t realize not texting back was an option.<

 

(10:37p) -yeah gud idea-

 

(10:39p) ~NO, GUYS, C’MON, HELP ME FINGER IT OUT.~

 

(10:41p) -absolutely not-

 

(10:43p) >That’s a personal activity, buddy.<

 

(10:45p) ~JESUS CHRIST, USE CONTEXT CLUES, GUYS.~

 

(10:45p) ~******FIGURE IT OUT~

 

(10:48p) -u alrdy turn it off n on again?-

 

(10:50p) ~NO? SHOULD I?~

 

(10:52p) >That’s like, the first thing you should have tried.<

 

(10:53p) -duh-

 

(10:54p) ~K HOLD ON~

 

(10:57p) ~oh thank god~ 

 

(10:59) -jfc-

 

(11:01p) >You are /such/ an idiot sometimes.<

 

(11:03p) ~how was i supposed to know that would work?~

 

(11:05p) >Someone should confiscate your phone.<

 

(11:07p) -im going 2 bed this is 2 stupid-

 

(11:09p) >Goodnight.<

 

(11:10p) ~night. come to friendsgiving!~

 

(11:12p) -fuk urself-

 

(11:13p) -bye-

 

(11:14p) >Rolf, bye.<

 

(11:15p) ~guys, now my capslock refuses to turn /on/~

 

(11:17p) -omfg-

  
(11:17p) - _ you silenced this conversation _ -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some things:
> 
> 1\. since i'm posting this chapter-by-chapter rather than all at once, i went through and found a few inconsistencies that probably don't matter, but when i have time i might go through and fix the big ones. (glenn magically ended up in carol's history class when he hadn't been there before, whups.) to that end, though, if you guys see any Glaring errors, feel free to let me know. (idrc about minor typos, those happen, but anything that impedes the story i'd like to know, plz & thnx.)
> 
> 2\. i rly rly want to post the christmas chapter on or before christmas (yes there is going to be a christmas chapter), but there are a couple still left before that one, so i'm not sure if it'll happen. i might double up on chapters, but i'm not sure. i will try, though. vamos a ver. (we will see. that's spanish, not french, i know that a lot better)
> 
> 3\. feel free to add me on duolingo! diz_andthe_void. i will destroy you in xp :)
> 
> k, that's it, ty for the kind words.
> 
> later gators,
> 
> -diz


	14. Chapter 14

_Friday_

 

(7:47a) ~do you guys think maggie is the type of person who would fake an orgasm to make me feel better?~

 

(7:49a) -im blocking u 4 real this time-

 

(7:51a) ~it’s a legitimate question!~

 

(7:53a) -idfc y r u asking me?-

 

(7:54a) ~to be fair, i'm also asking rick.~

 

(7:57a) >I think we should have a rule that Glenn isn't allowed to text us before ten in the morning, because I am not awake enough for this.<

 

(8:00a) -fine w/ me-

 

(8:03a) ~you are the worst support system a guy could have.~

 

(8:04a) ~ _dumbass changed the group name to “The Sinking Friend Ship”_ ~

 

(8:07a) -n carol calls /me/ dramatic-

 

(8:08a) ~lmao, does she really?~

 

(8:09a) -shut up-

 

(8:12a) >Both of you cool it. Glenn, why are you even asking us about Maggie's orgasms?<

 

(8:15a) -rick wtf dnt encourage him-

 

(8:18a) ~i was doing research for health class and came across an article that said like, 70% of women fake it.~

 

(8:20a) -tf kind of hmwrk r they giving u in health class?-

 

(8:21a) ~we were supposed to fill out a worksheet about sexual well-being but i fell down a weird internet rabbit hole, i dunno.~

 

(8:24a) >Maggie would never fake it. Maggie is the type of person who would stop you mid sex to look you in the eye and let you know that you're doing it wrong.<

 

(8:26a) -i h8 this-

 

(8:30a) ~you think so, rick?~

 

(8:32a) >Yes, Maggie is terrifying.<

 

(8:33a) >Actually, all of our female friends are terrifying.<

 

(8:33a) >I'm pretty sure none of them would prioritize our self-esteem over cumming.<

 

(8:35a) -i rly rly h8 this-

 

(8:38a) -that's good news for you, though, daryl.-

 

(8:39a) -wut? y?-

 

(8:41a) ~bc that way if you ever get carol off you'll know she's telling the truth.~

 

(8:43a) >Glenn, do you have a death wish?<

 

(8:44a) - _you blocked dumbass_ -

 

(8:50a) >You're not going to unblock him for a very long time, are you?<

 

(8:51a) -carol keeps saying im not allowed 2 murder him so this is plan b-

 

(8:52a) >Welp. Lunch should be fun today.<

 

—-

 

(8:17a) -k i hv a question but u cant laugh-

 

(8:20a) *Ok. Shoot.*

 

(8:23a) -no u gotta promise-

 

(8:25a) *I promise not to laugh.*

 

(8:27a) -do friends rly tlk abt their sex lives w/ each other or is glenn just weird?-

 

(8:27a) -no laughing-

 

(8:32a) *Not laughing. Snickering just a teensy bit, but it's out of endearment not judgement.*

 

(8:33a) *In answer to your question: both.*

 

(8:36a) -so im sposed 2 actually listen n respond to this?-

 

(8:38a) *No, not necessarily. It's not like, a requirement. It's just that people sometimes feel comfortable being open with their friends about it.*

 

(8:41a) -god y?-

 

(8:42a) *I dunno, advice, venting, validation, just for the hell of it? A ton of reasons ig.*

 

(8:45a) -i blocked him-

 

(8:46a) *Ok, but you block him like, at least once a day.*

 

(8:49a) -he rly deserved it this time-

 

(8:51a) *What did he say?*

 

(8:54a) *Why did Rick start laughing when you guys exchanged a look just now?*

 

(8:55a) -anyway-

 

(8:56a) *Now I'm really curious.*

 

(8:57a) -its nthn glenn was asking abt maggie faking it n i ddnt wnt 2 hear it thts all-

 

(8:58a) *Maggie would never fake an orgasm.*

 

(8:59a) -do i hv 2 block u 2?-

 

(9:00a) *You wouldn't dare.*

 

(9:02a) -no prob not-

 

(9:06a) -idgi-

 

(9:08a) *You don't get what?*

 

(9:11a) -idk nvm-

 

(9:13a) *Is this still about the sex thing?*

 

(9:17a) -idk-

 

(9:19a) *You don't get why/how people are comfortable talking about it with each other?*

 

(9:22a) -ig-

 

(9:23a) *I mean, that makes sense, you're a rly private person. Like, I would never expect you to tell me about your wild sexcapades, or listen to me talk about any of my experiences.*

 

(9:25a) -wild sexcapades-

 

(9:26a) *Hey, I haven't known you that long. Who knows what you used to get up to?*

 

(9:28a) -i bet u cn guess-

 

(9:28a) -anyway-

 

(9:31a) *Yeah, see, that's not something you're interested in talking about, and that's fine.*

 

(9:35a) -do u tlk abt tht stuff w/ ur other friends tho?-

 

(9:39a) *I mean, sometimes? It comes up.*

 

(9:45a) *That doesn't mean I have to with you.*

 

(9:48a) -ok-

 

(9:51a) *Oh come on now, no goodbye? Don't be uncomfortable with me, I promise it's ok.*

 

(10:52a) *Daryl.*

 

(10:54a) - _you sent a photo_ -

 

(10:55a) *I know this picture of Henry is a deflection, but one of his ears is inside out and it's adorable so I will allow it.*

 

(10:56a) -new car 2nite-

 

(10:57a) *I know!!!*

 

(10:57a) *Dude, not only that. Do you know how long it's been since I've had a completely free Friday night?*

 

(10:58a) *No practice.*

 

(10:58a) *No game.*

 

(10:58a) *No work.*

 

(10:58a) *New car???*

 

(10:59a) -im glad u need a break-

 

(11:00a) *I'm not even going to argue with you, I do.*

 

(11:01a) *What are you doing tonight?*

 

(11:05a) -nthn-

 

(11:06a) -giving henry a bath bc he dug up a shitton of grass n got covered in dirt b4 i left 2day-

 

(11:09a) *Wanna go to a movie or something? We could go to that five dollar theatre downtown and sneak in snacks like the poor kids that we are.*

 

(11:11a) *Wish.*

 

(11:16a) -sry teacher was watching-

 

(11:17a) -u rly wna spend ur day off doing stuff?-

 

(11:19a) *Lmao, spoken like a true introvert. But yeah, I do. I never go out on Fridays, and if I go home I'll just spend all night taking care of mom, and don't get me wrong, I love her a lot, but I could use a break from that too.*

 

(11:20a) *Kinda just want to be a dumb seventeen year old tonight.*

 

(11:23a) -wdnt michonne or someone be better at tht thn me?-

 

(11:27a) *I can ask her if you'd rather not go out. I just thought it'd be fun to do something new without putting pressure on you to be around everyone else. It feels like every time we've hung out outside of school it's been because there's been some crisis you're saving me from.*

 

(11:28a) *I get it, though, you're a homebody. Nothing wrong with that.*

 

(11:32a) -no i'll go-

 

(11:34a) *You really don't have to if you don't want to.*

 

(11:44a) -i wnt 2-

 

(11:47a) * :’) *

 

(11:47a) *Awesome. I'm looking forward to it.*

 

(11:48a) *Lunch today?*

 

(11:50a) -ya-

 

(11:51a) *Sweet. See you in a minute.*

 

—-

 

(12:55p) *Glenn just asked me how long you're going to give him the silent treatment for. What should I tell him?*

 

(12:56p) -idk whn ive 4gotten our convo this morning-

 

(12:58p) *He says he'll bring you a free pizza for a week if you let him back into the group chat and actually acknowledge him in person.*

 

(12:58p) *Remind me not to get on your bad side, btw, that look you gave him when he tried to talk to you at lunch was ice cold.*

 

(12:59p) -i'll thnk abt it-

 

(1:00p) *That's the best he can hope for, I think.*

 

—-

 

(1:04p) -y did glenn say tht?-

 

(1:09p) >That thing about how he read about a lunch lady that secretly fed her students kangaroo meat? I dunno but I'm bringing my lunch from home next week.<

 

(1:13p) - :/ -

 

(1:13p) -no not tht-

 

(1:14p) -tht thng this morning-

 

(1:17p) >Oh, you mean that stuff about Carol and you doing... activities?<

 

(1:22p) -ya-

 

(1:24p) >I don't know, he was just being obnoxious Glenn. That, and he really does want you and Carol to get together. He just goes overkill about it sometimes.<

 

(1:29p) -y does he care?-

 

(1:29p) -just bc of the dumb secret thng?-

 

(1:36p) >That's probably how it started, but now he's invested. Truth be told, I'm sort of rooting for you guys too.<

 

(1:42p) - :/ -

 

(1:46p) >I'm not going to harass you like he does, don't worry.<

 

(1:49p) -idk wut im doing-

 

(1:49p) -like at all-

 

(1:51p) >Carol's not the type to hold your inexperience against you.<

 

(1:52p) >She's a person who likes to be direct and blunt. Your best bet might actually be to just tell her how you feel.<

 

(1:58p) - :/ -

 

(1:58p) -no-

 

(2:06p) -idek how i feel-

 

(2:11p) >Well, I mean you obviously like her.<

 

(2:14p) - :/ -

 

(2:16p) >Ok, so you're not at a place where you're ready to tell her. That's fine. Then why don't you just focus on being a good friend to her for now?<

 

(2:22p) -ok-

 

(2:22p) -how do i be a gud friend?-

 

(2:28p) >Don't block her number every time she says something that makes you uncomfortable for one thing.<

 

(2:34p) -jfc-

 

(2:34p) -this is abt carol not glenn but fine-

 

(2:35p) - _you unblocked dumbass_ -

 

(2:37p) ~i’m back! what are we talking about?~

 

(2:39p) >How to be a good friend to Carol.<

 

(2:41p) ~i think you might already be a good friend to her. didn't she say you got her a fucking car?~

 

(2:43p) -my boss did-

 

(2:46p) >You get the credit, though, so that's awesome.<

 

(2:49p) -ig-

 

(2:49p) -i g2g im meeting carol n we're gna go 2 the movies or smthn after we get the car-

 

(2:50p) >You're what?<

 

(2:51p) ~jesus christ, you guys are dating except neither of you realize it.~

 

(2:52p) -stfu its just as friends-

 

(2:53p) ~you during your wedding vows: “so are we more than friends now, or…?”~

 

(2:54p) >Don't block him, that one was actually warranted.<

 

(2:55p) -fuck off-

 

(2:56p) >Rofl, bye Daryl.<

 

(2:57p) ~have fun and remember to use protection!~

 

(2:59p) -i h8 u both-

 

(2:59p) -bye-

 

—-

 

“She’s beautiful,” Carol says, the key to her new car dangling off a keychain looped around her pinky finger. She fawns over her little Chevy with hearts in her eyes.

 

It is not a beautiful car. It is, in fact, a piece of shit. It is a dull grey color with a noticeable scratch in the pain and a dent in the bumper. Its model is way outdated, and the inside smells a little like expired piña coladas, as though the previous owner stuffed the car full of tropical scented air fresheners and then left it in the sun for a week straight.

 

But Carol is looking at it like it’s a newborn baby. She is in instant love.

 

“What should I call her?” she asks Daryl, walking around the car, examining it from every angle.

 

“Dale signed the title over to you like five minutes ago and you’re already naming this thing?”

 

“Forgive me, I forgot I was asking the man who named his dog the highly imaginative name, ‘Dog’.” Daryl just rolls his eyes as she inspects the back bumper. “Hey, what’s this?” she asks, pointing.

 

“Hm?” he asks, walking over to see whatever it is she’s talking about. On the back of the Chevy there’s a tiny sticker of a white rose.

 

“Dunno. Just some bumper sticker. Previous owners must have stuck it there.”

 

“I love roses,” Carol says. “It’s fate.”

 

“Name it Rose, then, if you love ‘em so much,” Daryl deadpans. Carol’s eyes light up and he quickly adds, “I was _joking_.”

 

“And yet you still managed to come up with the perfect name. How convenient.”

 

“You’re ridiculous,” Daryl says fondly, as Carol places a hand on the trunk and proclaims, “I dub thee, Rose the Chevy Cavalier.”

 

“I wanna drive her now,” she says eagerly, looking to Daryl as though he has to grant her permission first.

 

“Drive it—her—then.”

 

“You still want to do stuff tonight?” she asks, face hesitant, likely expecting a rejection.

 

“Yeah. Gotta take my bike back first. And I really should bathe Henry. I don’t think you get how much dirt he rolled in.”

 

“I can follow you to your place; help you with Henry. I wanna see him anyway.”

 

“He pro’ly wants to see you too, though don’t let him jump on you unless you wanna ruin them nice clothes you got on.”

 

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take,” Carol pledges, placing a hand over her heart.

 

“You’re so weird,” Daryl says. He says it the way one would say, “wonderful.”

 

—-

 

Pulling up the gravel driveway, Carol brakes hard behind Daryl’s idling bike. He lifts off his helmet and looks over his shoulder to her, frowning.

 

“Are you tryina wear those brakes out already?” he asks when she emerges from her Chevy.

 

“Sorry,” she says. “I’m not used to a car that actually brakes this well. It’ll take some getting used to, this whole ‘not having to put my full weight down in order to stop’ thing.”

 

At the sound of her voice, Henry comes bounding out of his dog house, and whines in protest when the chain around his collar prevents him from reaching her.

 

“Damn, you weren’t kidding,” Carol laughs. Henry’s grey and speckled coat is now brown from his legs to his chest, absolutely covered in dirt.

 

“Yeah, I think there was a dead bird or squirrel or somethin’ buried in the yard, so he just went buckwild tryna find it.” He turns to Henry. “Listen, dipshit, you’re a mess and Carol’s rib is still fucked up, so you’re not gonna jump on her, understand?”

 

Henry looks doubtful.

 

Daryl tosses his backpack carelessly on the ground beside his bike and approaches Henry, who greets him with voracious tail wags and two muddy paws to the chest.

 

“Get down, dummy,” Daryl mutters, suppressing a grin as Henry tries to kiss his face. He gets Henry off of him—two perfect pawprints left behind on his light-colored shirt—and takes hold of his chain. Henry wags his tail so hard his entire rear end wobbles back and forth. He stares down Carol with excitement, and the second Daryl unclasps the chain he tries to lunge at her, but is stopped by Daryl’s quick grip on his collar.

 

“What did I just tell you, huh?” Daryl asks.

 

“He just wants to say hi,” Carol says, sticking out her lower lip as Henry lets out a couple devastated woofs.

 

“Don’t encourage him. He’s filthy and you got a bruised rib.”

 

“It feels better, though.”

 

“You’re just sayin’ that so you can pet the dog, I ain’t stupid. Come on, Henry,” Daryl says, hooking him up to a leash and tugging at him to follow. Henry resists, pulling the opposite way towards Carol. Daryl rolls his eyes. “Can you go to the house so this dumb dog will go that way?”

 

“C’mere, Henry,” Carol says cheerfully, heading to the house. Henry all but lifts Daryl off his feet to rush towards her.

 

“You remember how to open it?” Daryl asks, struggling to hold Henry back. “Turn the handle, kick the left corner, and push in the middle, all at once.”

 

Carol does as she’s told and kicks in the broken door.

 

Inside, Daryl has Carol sit on the couch and watch whatever she can find on TV, while he forces a screaming dog into his tiny, mildew and mold stained bathtub. Henry splashes around, spilling dirty water all over the floor and down Daryl’s front. Daryl moves one hand off of Henry for just a second to reach for the dog shampoo, and Henry immediately sees and takes his opportunity, and he leaps out of the tub.

 

“Stupid dog,” Daryl says, trying to grab hold of him, but Daryl took off his collar to bathe him so there’s nothing to grip onto, and by the time Daryl thinks to wrap his arms around Henry’s middle, it’s too late. Henry manages to pry the lopsided bathroom door open with his front paw, and he bounds out of the room at full speed, with Daryl yelling, “ _Shit shit shit shit shit_ ,” after him.

 

“Augh!” comes Carol’s screech from the living room, followed by laughter. Daryl rushes in to find Henry sitting entirely on her lap, dripping his bath water all over her and the couch. He’s nuzzling her face with his nose, his tail thumping against the cushion. Henry looks up at Daryl, tongue lolling out of his mouth, his wet and muddy face looking entirely too self-satisfied. Daryl scowls at him.

 

“He got out of the tub,” he says to Carol.

 

“I noticed,” she responds, giggling as Henry licks her forehead.

 

“He hurt you?”

 

“Not at all,” she says, scratching Henry behind the ears. She might be lying, but Daryl knows he’ll never get her to admit it so he drops it.

 

“You’re the only one he does this with, you know? I take him to work all the time and he don’t give two shits about any of them.”

 

“It’s because he needs a female influence in his life,” Carol says, moving her hand down to scratch under his chin. Henry lifts his head up to accommodate her.

 

“Right,” Daryl says. “Well I’m puttin’ him back outside.”

 

“He’s still filthy,” Carol points out.

 

“Fuck it, I give up,” Daryl says. Henry sits politely, finally content now that he’s with Carol, while Daryl snatches up the collar from the bathroom and puts it back on him.Henry tenses when the leash is added, suddenly realizing he’s going to be taken away, and Daryl has to practically drag him back out to the dog house to rehook him to his chain.

 

“You’re embarrassing us,” Daryl mutters at him. In response, Henry rolls over onto his back and gets more dirt stuck to his wet fur. Daryl throws up his hands in defeat.

 

“Hey, do you have a shirt I can borrow?” Carol asks when he comes back inside. She’s on her feet looking down at the white shirt she’s wearing, which is now soaked and covered in streaks of mud. Her black leggings aren’t much better off, but at least they’re dark.

 

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Daryl mumbles. He goes into his bedroom and rifles through the pile of clothes at the foot of his bed that he thinks are probably clean. He goes back out and tosses her a red button-up flannel. “That work?” he asks.

 

“Yeah, it should. Here, turn around.”

 

Daryl goes scarlet when he realizes she’s intending to change clothes right here in the middle of his living room. He turns around, and closes his eyes for good measure, adamant to not even _accidentally_ violate her privacy.

 

“Okay, you’re good,” she says brightly. He faces her again and his breath catches in his throat at the sight of her wearing his baggy button-up over top of her tight leggings. “I feel like a lumberjack, but it’ll have to do.”

 

“Don’t look like a lumberjack,” Daryl mutters, and Carol laughs.

 

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she says. “Now, if you’re done with Henry you ready to go downtown? I looked it up, and tonight the five dollar theater is showing _Grease 2,_ a documentary about credit card abuse in America, and _Titanic_.”

 

“The fuck?”

 

“Yeah, I dunno. I think they just show whatever they can manage to secure the licensing on. One weekend I went there and they were playing the Katy Perry documentary, _Smurfs 2_ , and _Die Hard_. It’s a really weird place.”

 

“Which one are we watchin’?”

 

“Well, I figured Titanic was the obvious choice, given our options.”

 

“Okay. I’ve never seen it.”

 

“Goddamit, Dixon,” Carol says, shaking her head. “I’m appalled. We’re definitely seeing _Titanic_ then. Let’s hit up the dollar store first, though. I wanna see how many snacks I can sneak into the theater.”

 

“Aight,” Daryl says, huffing a small laugh.

 

“Oh,” she adds. “And I’m driving.”

 

—-

 

“Okay, this is getting ridiculous,” Daryl says. They are inside the theater. Aside from a heavyset man with a large moustache sitting in the third row, they are the only ones here. The seats are old, with worn out, stained cushions, and they creak every time you shift in them even the teeniest bit. The entire floor is sticky with something ambiguous, and it smells like century old Skittles. And here is Carol, pulling snacks out of random places like it’s buried treasure.

 

There are five Twizzlers and six Pixie Sticks hidden in one sleeve, and two cans of grape soda shoved up the other. There is a bag of marshmallows stuffed in her bra. She pulls out four candy canes she had hidden in her boots, as well as some beef jerky. The pièce de rèsistance is, of course, the giant bag of pre-popped, lightly salted popcorn she tugs out from under her shirt. When Daryl had said they’d notice that right away, she’d insisted that they’d be too embarrassed to ask if she was hiding food under her shirt in case she was pregnant or had weird fat distribution, and it turns out she was right.

 

(Daryl highly suspects she doesn’t intend for either of them to eat all this, so much as she just really enjoys the challenge. Daryl’s cool with it, because for one thing, it’s entertaining, and for another, it makes her happy.)

 

Carol divvies up their small feast, and sits the popcorn between them where they both can reach it. Daryl has the mental image of the classic cliche of them both reaching for it at the same time and brushing hands, and he is suddenly terrified to touch it. Carol props her feet up on the seat in front of her, and Daryl doesn’t think he’s seen her this relaxed since, well, ever.

 

Daryl pulls out his phone to make sure the ringer’s not on (as if it’s ever been on in the first place), and sees that he has a missed message.

 

(6:27p) ~how’s it going so far?~

 

(6:54p) -fine y wudnt it b?-

 

(6:56p) ~just making sure you’re having a good time with your one true Lord.~

 

(6:56p) ~wait no. one true *love.~

 

(6:58p) -my one tru love is the lord praise jesus go away-

 

(6:59p) >Hahahahaha.<

 

(7:00p) ~fuck off, rick.~

 

“What are they saying?” Carol asks. He’s thankful she’s not the nosy type to look over his shoulder and just read for herself, because that certainly wouldn’t go well for him.

 

“Glenn being an idiot; the usual.”

 

The lights go dim right then, and Carol accepts his answer in favor of watching the remarkably bad trailers for locally made films for an upcoming film festival in Atlanta. The zombie apocalypse one looks particularly bad.

 

“So what’s the plot of this movie, again?” Daryl whispers once the trailers end and the movie starts up.

 

“Are you unfamiliar with the very famous sinking of the Titanic? I thought you were good at history.”

 

“No, I am, but how do you make a movie out of that? We already know the end.”

 

“They make it work. It won ten Oscars. It’s three hours of pure emotion, and also a lot of water.”

 

“This movie is _three hours_?”

 

“Shut up and eat your Twizzlers, Daryl,” Carol says, taking a Twizzler she already has opened and sticking it in his mouth.

 

“Fine,” he relents through a mouthful of candy. He sits back in his creaky chair. The next couple hours proceed with Daryl asking an array of questions, including, but not limited to:

 

_“Wouldn’t it be weird to see a drawing of your grandma naked? Why does no one think that’s weird?”_

 

_“Why was that guy playing poker anyways if he was supposed to be on that boat in five minutes?”_

 

_“What’s with the hats?”_

 

_“Wait, did they just fuck in some random dude’s car?”_

 

Carol, to her credit, simply answers all his questions in earnest.

 

_“They probably do all think it’s weird and that’s exactly why no one is talking about it.”_

 

_“Daryl, it’s twenty minutes into this movie, it is way too early for you to be finding plot holes.”_

 

_“I’m more appalled at the corsets. My rib hurts even more at the thought.”_

 

_“Yes they did.”_

 

By the time the credits roll, Carol is wiping tears from her eyes while Daryl is complaining that, “Yeah, sure, that was sad, but couldn’t they have both fit on that raft thing?”

 

“How is that what you’re focusing on? That poor woman’s boyfriend literally turned into an icicle.”

 

“Yeah, because she wouldn’t share her raft.”

 

“It would have sunk.”

 

“There was plenty of room.”

 

“Oh my God, we’re never watching movies that aren’t on Lifetime ever again.”

 

Daryl snorts. He looks down at their pile of food that they’ve moved to the floor by their feet. Neither of them ate much at all.

 

“Impressive haul you snuck in.”

 

“I’ve done better but I only had eleven dollars,” she says. “By the way, I didn’t mention it during the scene because I was feeling my emotions, but was that guy in that seat down there jacking it during the bit where everyone was dying of hypothermia?”

 

“Oh. You saw that too, huh? I wasn’t gonna mention it.”

 

They exchange a glance and then both crack up into laughter.

 

“Best to just forget it,” Carol says, and Daryl wholeheartedly agrees.

 

He helps her gather up the food, and they leave the theater with Carol casting a smug grin at the woman working concessions when they walk by with full arms, and Daryl likes her even more for it, which is unfortunate, as he doesn’t want to like her at all to begin with.

 

It’s past eleven by the time Carol gets him home. She puts the car in park, and for the first time all night, Daryl is anxious. This catches him off guard, because it’s unlike him to spend an entire night with someone and not be at least minorly terrified the entire time. But in the quiet of the car, with the two of them looking at one another in the moonlight filtering in through the windshield, it feels uncomfortably like the end to a date.

 

“Thank you for coming with me tonight,” Carol says, her voice gentle.

 

“No problem. It was fun. Even if that movie ended stupid.”

 

“They wouldn’t have both fit on the raft, Daryl.”

 

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.” She laughs softly.

 

“You know his car came at the most perfect time, and I can’t find the words to tell you how grateful I am,” she says then, face gravely serious all of a sudden.

 

“You don’t gotta have words, Lord knows I don’t ever do. I get it, and you’re welcome.”

 

She smiles shyly and gives his hand a brief squeeze. He doesn’t have time to react before she pulls her arm away. He opens his car door.

 

“Night, Daryl,” she says to him.

 

“G’nite.”

 

—-

 

(11:56p) >Hey, I have an idea.<

 

(11:58p) ~uh oh.~

 

(11:58p) -is it a shitty idea?-

 

(12:02a) >First off, fuck you guys.<

 

(12:02a) >Second off, no, it’s a good idea, and it’s for you Daryl.<

 

(12:03a) - :/ -

 

(12:05a) >Just her me out. You know how you’re hopelessly enamored with Carol but don’t know anything about girls or relationships or people in general, and also you’re super socially awkward so you never want to ask anyone for help?<

 

(12:07a) -not luvin this so far rick-

 

(12:08a) >What if you had a word? Like, a safe word, that you can text to Glenn and me whenever something’s bothering you, but you’re too nervous to say it outright. You text the word, and then the two of us will try and figure out what’s wrong and help you.<

 

(12:09a) -thats dumb-

 

(12:10a) ~no it’s not, i love it. that way you can say, “hey guys, i am having relationship troubles,” without ever having to work up the nerve to say those exact words.~

 

(12:12a) >Yeah, exactly. All we gotta do is pick a word.<

 

(12:13a) -im not doing this-

 

(12:14a) ~motorcycle.~

 

(12:16a) >Perfect. Okay Daryl, if you text us the word “motorcycle” we know you have some sort of problem you want friend advice on, but are too embarrassed to say.<

 

(12:17a) -i am nvr gna use tht-

 

(12:19a) >Well, now it’s there if you need it.<

 

(12:20a) ~yeah, you cry motorcycle and we’ll come running.~

 

(12:22a) -rite im going 2 bed-

 

(12:23a) ~carol wear you out? ;) ;) ;) ~

 

(12:25a) -gnite rick-

 

(12:25a) -fuk off asshole-

 

(12:30a) ~wait, did he actually go to sleep without blocking me?~

 

(12:32a) >You must be growing on him.<

 

(12:34a) ~it’s a miracle.~

  
(12:35a) ~ _dumbass changed the group name to “friendship: a new hope” ~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've seen titanic over 60 times, not kidding.
> 
> anyway, i'm going to try and post the christmas chapter on or before christmas day, but i have one more chapter before that, so it will all be dependent on how fast i can write. i don't want to sacrifice quality for a self-made deadline, but also it makes sense to post it on christmas. idk guys, imma try. you might get two chapters this weekend. :o


	15. Chapter 15

_ Saturday _

 

(1:37p) -motorcycle-

 

(1:42p) >That didn't take long.<

 

(1:46p) ~-cracks knuckles- how can we be of service, my grumpy redneck friend?~

 

(1:52p) -idk u didnt tell me wut 2 do after motorcycle-

 

(1:55p) >Give us clues and we'll piece together what your problem is.<

 

(2:01p) -movie-

 

(2:03p) ~okay, so like the movie you saw with carol last night?~

 

(2:05p) -ya-

 

(2:08p) >Something about the movie is bothering you? Was there an awkward sex scene? Weird nudity?<

 

(2:10p) -i mean yeah but thats not it-

 

(2:11p) ~what movie did you see?~

 

(2:12p) -titanic-

 

(2:13p) >Rofl<

 

(2:14p) ~looool.~

 

(2:16p) -u guys gna help me or b dicks?-

 

(2:18p) ~i don't know why they'd be mutually exclusive, but fine, moving on, it wasn't the sex scene or him drawing her like one of his french girls…~

 

(2:20p) -it wasnt rly the movie-

 

(2:22p) >Okay, was it what the movie implied?<

 

(2:23p) -wut?-

 

(2:24p) ~like was it weird because it felt like a date?~

 

(2:26p) -ig-

 

(2:26p) -partly-

 

(2:28p) >Did something specific happen?<

 

(2:29p) ~or /not/ happen?~

 

(2:34p) -2nd one-

 

(2:36p) ~ooh, is this about kissing???~

 

(2:37p) >Shh, be calm Glenn, we must approach him gently.<

 

(2:38p) ~my bad. daryl, is this in regards to kissing?~

 

(2:40p) - :/ -

 

(2:40p) -ig-

 

(2:41p) ~nailed it.~

 

(2:42p) >Okay, so it's about kissing. Pick one or more of the following to help us move along: 1. You wanted to kiss her but you didn't. 2. She tried to kiss you but you didn't want to. 3. You weren't sure if you wanted to kiss her because feelings are hard. 4. You weren't sure if you were supposed to kiss her because you weren't sure if it was supposed to be a date. 5. You didn't kiss her and are terrified that she expected you to and now have ruined everything. 6. Other.<

 

(2:45p) -god i h8 this-

 

(2:45p) -3 ig-

 

(2:45p) -n 4-

 

(2:45p) -n i wasnt worried abt #5 b4 but now i am so thnx-

 

(2:46p) >Sorry.<

 

(2:47p) ~let’s tackle these one at a time. so you weren't sure if you wanted to kill her?~

 

(2:49p) -no i was v sure abt not wanting 2 kill her-

 

(2:51p) ~again, context clues guys.~

 

(2:52p) >Again, turn off autocorrect.<

 

(2:52p) ~anyway.~

 

(2:53p) ~have you ever kissed anyone before?~

 

(2:54p) >No judgement.<

 

(2:56p) -guess-

 

(2:59p) ~taking that as a no.~

 

(3:00p) ~so could your inexperience be making you anxious? like, it's hard for you to tell if you really don't want to kiss her or if you're just afraid to?~

 

(3:02p) >That's actually somewhat insightful, Glenn.<

 

(3:03p) ~don’t sound so surprised.~

 

(3:05p) -ig its possible-

 

(3:06p) ~so what we need to do is get you a blow-up doll to practice on.~

 

(3:07p) >Aaaand we're back.<

 

(3:08p) ~only kidding, please don't block me.~

 

(3:10p) - :/ -

 

(3:11p) -just go on-

 

(3:14p) >Well I would assume that your fear would be a lot less if you knew for certain she wanted to kiss you.<

 

(3:15p) ~and it’d be preferable if she'd make the first move.~

 

(3:16p) >Which of course means you'd first need to know if you were on a date.<

 

(3:17p) ~and my guess is that carol knows you well enough not to assume you would ever act on anything like that unless given clear and direct permission.~

 

(3:18p) >Which is all to say that 1. I don't think we can know if you wanted to kiss her explicitly because the conditions of the experiment compromised the data, and so 2. you reacted appropriately, and I don't think you have anything to worry about. Like Glenn said, Carol wouldn't expect you to take the lead in anything romantic.~

 

(3:19p) ~in short: you're good, bro.~

 

(3:23p) -k-

 

(3:23p) -thnx-

 

(3:25p) >Anytime.<

 

(3:26p) ~we’re here to serve. -salutes-~

 

(3:29p) - :/ -

 

—-

 

_ Sunday _

 

(7:09p) -motorcycle-

 

(7:16p) >Go for it.<

 

(7:18p) ~we’re here for you buddy! give us a hint!~

 

(7:23p) -touch-

 

(7:23p) -not tht kind of touch stfu glenn-

 

(7:25p) ~rude. i didn't even get to say anything.~

 

(7:27p) >Okay, so like, casual touch?<

 

(7:31p) -ya-

 

(7:31p) -like idk hugs and arm and shoulder touches n shit-

 

(7:33p) >Are you wondering what they mean?<

 

(7:34p) ~or if you're supposed to touch bacterial meningitis?~

 

(7:34p) ~literally what the fuck phone, when have i ever talked about bacterial meningitis?~

 

(7:35p) ~touch *back?~

 

(7:37p) -both-

 

(7:40p) >It's tricky because Carol is physically affectionate with her friends, so it's hard to tell if she's doing it in a friend way or a “I want an excuse to touch you” way.<

 

(7:41p) ~what are some examples of when she's touched you?~

 

(7:43p) -2day-

 

(7:43p) -she helped me w/ my essay at the library n she like squeezed my arm n said id do fine on it-

 

(7:45p) >Hmm, need more. Other examples?<

 

(7:47p) -grabbed my hand whn she thnkd me after the movie yesterday-

 

(7:48p) ~hands are a bit more promising. how long did she hold it for?~

 

(7:51p) -like 2 seconds-

 

(7:52p) ~hmmmmmm.~

 

(7:52p) ~i say inconclusive.~

 

(7:53p) >Yeah, it could go either way.<

 

(7:54p) >In regards to the other thing, what have you done in response to her touching you before?<

 

(7:56p) -nthn-

 

(7:59p) >Like at all?<

 

(7:59p) ~do you just stare at her?~

 

(8:01p) -p much-

 

(8:03p) ~c’mon now, daryl.~

 

(8:05p) -im not gud w/ touch-

 

(8:05p) -dnt like it-

 

(8:07p) >Even hers?<

 

(8:11p) - :/ -

 

(8:12p) ~does that mean you /do/ like her touching you?~

 

(8:15p) -idk-

 

(8:15p) -mb-

 

(8:15p) -but wut do u do whn some1 touches u like tht?-

 

(8:17p) ~mirror her actions! if she squeezes your hand squeeze back goddammit.~

 

(8:18p) >Or even just try not to act like a statue. That'd be a good place to start.<

 

(8:21p) -idk-

 

(8:21p) -i'll try-

 

(8:23p) ~atta boy.~

 

—-

 

_ Tuesday _

 

(3:34p) -motorcycle-

 

(3:41p) ~does whatever it is have to do with why you were so weird with carol at lunch today?~

 

(3:44p) >And in English class?<

 

(3:51p) -ya-

 

(3:53p) >You would barely make eye contact with her. She seemed really confused.<

 

(3:55p) -ik-

 

(3:55p) -n now shes asking me y n idk wut to say-

 

(3:57p) ~well why /were/ you being weird?~

 

(4:00p) - :/ -

 

(4:02p) >Gotta give us more than that, buddy.<

 

(4:05p) -u cnt laugh-

 

(4:05p) -esp u glenn-

 

(4:05p) -i will block u 4ever n tell every1 u cried whn u lost ur virginity-

 

(4:07p) >Wait, Glenn did what?<

 

(4:08p) ~MOVING ON.~

 

(4:08p) ~why were you being weird?~

 

(4:11p) -ugh-

 

(4:12p) >Can't help you unless you give us at least something to work with.<

 

(4:17p) -fine-

 

(4:17p) -dress-

 

(4:20p) ~420 blaze it, also i don't get it.~

 

(4:21p) ~OH WAIT.~

 

(4:21p) ~you mean the dress she was wearing today?~

 

(4:21p) ~daryl, could you not look her in the eye because she was too pretty??~

 

(4:24p) -shut up-

 

(4:25p) ~askakahgksflda.~

 

(4:26p) -i mean it the whole skool will kno u cried n i'll tell em the sock thng too~

 

(4:28p) >Wait, what sock thing?<

 

(4:29p) ~MOVING ON.~

 

(4:30p) >I think it's adorable. Daryl couldn't look at her because it was like staring into the sun. How sweet. <3 <3 <3 <

 

(4:32p) -shud glenn kno abt ur secret?-

 

(4:33p) >Fuck I forgot about that. Okay, yes, sorry, back to being supportive.<

 

(4:34p) ~stop taunting me with that.~

 

(4:35p) -im only asking bc she thnks im mad at her n idk wut 2 say-

 

(4:36p) ~“you were really hot today and it was overwhelming”?~

 

(4:37p) -rick plz give real advice-

 

(4:40p) >Tell her you were nervous about turning in our essays tomorrow and you didn't want her to think you were being silly about it.<

 

(4:42p) -thts dumb but im gna try it-

 

(4:44p) >Glad to help. I guess.<

 

(5:03p) -ok she believed it-

 

(5:03p) -tho now shes giving me a pep tlk tht i dnt need-

 

(5:05p) ~it was that or tell her you were blinded by her beauty.~

 

(5:09p) -i'll take the pep tlk-

 

(5:11p) >Crisis averted.<

 

—-

 

_ Thursday _

 

(6:24p) -motorcycle-

 

Both Glenn and Rick check their phones and then turn their heads towards Daryl who is sat on the floor, Picatso in his lap.

 

“Dude, we're literally all in the same room,” Glenn says, pausing the video game on the TV. “Is this not something we can discuss out loud?”

 

(6:26p) -no-

 

Glenn and Rick exchange long suffering looks.

 

“Okay, fine,” Rick says.

 

(6:27p) >What's the problem today?<

 

(6:28p) - . -

 

“I don’t get it. A period? What’s that supposed to—oh,” says Glenn, while Rick goes, “Ah,” in understanding.

 

(6:29p) -txt only-

 

“Oh for the love of…” Glenn grumbles, typing a reluctant response.

 

(6:30p) ~is carol on her period?~

 

(6:30p) -ya-

 

(6:31p) >So you’re uncomfortable about it? Because I wouldn’t tell her that.<

 

(6:32p) ~one time the girls were talking about how they had all “synced up” and i said “is that why you have all been acting kind of crazy?” and i had to eat lunch by myself for an entire week.~

 

(6:32p) >Rofl, he did. It was hilarious.<

 

“Shut up, Rick.” Glenn throws a pillow, which Rick dodges, and it knocks over a Batman bobble head on Glenn’s desk. 

 

“Nice throw,” Rick says, tossing the pillow back to Glenn. “Too bad it didn’t knock it into the trash.”

 

“How many times do I have to tell you that Batman is the best superhero?”

 

“How many times do I have to tell you that Batman doesn’t have any superpowers?”

 

“He’s literally one of the most iconic superheroes.”

 

“His only superpower is being rich.”

 

“Yeah, and your guy Iron Man’s power is what, exactly?”

 

(6:34p) -this is dumb all superheroes r dumb stp tlkng n pay attention 2 me-

 

“It must be serious,” says Rick to his phone. He then casts a look at Daryl, saying, “I doubt you’ve ever asked for the attention to be on you in your entire life.”

 

“What do you mean all superheroes are dumb?” asks Glenn, affronted.

 

“X-Men are okay,” says Daryl. At his voice, Picatso mews softly at him. Daryl scratches her under the chin and she purrs. 

 

“Whatever. So Carol talking about her period makes you uncomfortable?” says Glenn. Daryl raises and eyebrow, and Glenn sighs.

 

(6:37p) ~so carol talking about her period makes you uncomfortable?~

 

(6:38p) -no-

 

(6:38p) >No?<

 

(6:38p) -ya only a dipshit gets all weird abt periods-

 

(6:39p) -but she keeps tlkng abt how shes in pain n dsnt feel gud n i feel bad but idk how 2 help-

 

(6:40p) ~wait, so you’re not grossed out or anything? you just want to make her feel better?~

 

(6:40p) -ya-

 

(6:40p) -is tht weird?-

 

(6:41p) -i was thnkng like chocolate cuz i herd thts a thing or keeping tampons on me in case she needs 1 but idk i dnt wnt to be creepy-

 

(6:41p) -wut do u guys do?-

 

Glenn and Rick exchange a look.

 

“Dude, we need to up our game,” Glenn says to him. “He’s not even dating Carol and he’s got this boyfriend shit down.” 

 

“What?” Daryl says aloud.

 

“Unpause the game, Glenn,” Rick says, deflated.

 

“You didn’t answer the question,” mumbles Daryl.

 

“Don’t need to,” says Rick. “You already have that one covered.”

 

“Asshole,” adds Glenn.

 

Daryl frowns and looks down at Picatso. He holds a finger out to her and she rubs her cold nose on it. 

 

(6:44p) -idk wut kind of tampons id get glenn wut does maggie use?-

 

“Yep, we’re done for now,” Glenn says loudly.

 

(6:45p) ~ _ dumbass removed you from friendship: a new hope _ ~

 

“What the fuck, did you just block me?”

 

“How the tables turn,” says Rick.

 

“Doesn’t feel great, does it? Now grab the other controller and help us kill this guy.”

 

“But—”

 

“Here you go,” says Rick, handing him a controller. 

 

Daryl decides to let this one go.

 

—-

 

_ Tuesday _

 

(7:42a) *Good morning!*

 

(7:46a) -morning y r u so happy?-

 

(7:49a) *Because after today we have a four day weekend that, knock on wood, is looking to be somewhat restful for once.*

 

(7:50a) *None of my teachers have become sadists and given out any assignments to do over the break. Mom is pretty stable lately and my dad and I have a routine that seems to keep us from screaming at each other, which is nice.*

 

(7:50a) *And ofc, Friendsgiving. You're still coming tomorrow, right?*

 

(7:52a) -ugh ya-

 

(7:53a) * :’) *

 

(7:54a) *It'll be fine. You'll have me, Rick, and Glenn, and eating lunch with us has to have made you at least somewhat more comfortable with the others, right?*

 

(7:55a) -if u say so-

 

(7:57a) *Don't be a buzzkill, it'll be fun. My family doesn't do holidays anymore, really. Does yours?*

 

(7:58a) -lol-

 

(7:59a) *Yeah, I figured.*

 

(8:01a) -idk the last time i had a homemade meal let alone thnxgiving food-

 

(8:04a) *That makes me sad and is all the more reason for you to come.*

 

(8:04a) *Also remind me to make you dinner sometime.*

 

(8:08a) -im not gna do tht-

 

(8:11a) *Ik but that's ok, I'll remember.*

 

(8:13a) - :/ -

 

(8:20a) *Oh I totally forgot to tell you.*

 

(8:20a) *Last night after practice I got accosted by our favorite football friend, Ed.*

 

(8:24p) -wut y didnt u say smthn?-

 

(8:26p) *Bc he made me almost late to work and I got caught up in shit and then you sent me a Henry pic and I got distracted.*

 

(8:31a) -smh wut did he do?-

 

(8:37a) *He was waiting by Rose and wouldn't let me in until I “heard him out.”*

 

(8:38a) *He said that we should go out after next week's game, since it's the last one of the season, and that he promises to show me a good time, and that I'll see that he's the type of guy a girl like me should be with.*

 

(8:41a) -wutd u say?-

 

(8:44a) *That I was late for work and needed him to move out of my way.*

 

(8:45a) *He was visibly annoyed and said I was being really stuck up. He said I spend my time with people who are “lesser” than me.*

 

(8:47a) *Gdi just realized I left my book for English in my locker, which is on the exact opposite side of the school. Tell her where I went if I'm late.*

 

(8:47a) *What am I saying? You don't talk to teachers. I'll text Rick.*

 

(8:51a) -bet i kno who ed was tlking abt-

 

(8:59a) *Made it, that was stupid.*

 

(9:00a) *And yes, your name did get thrown into the mix, but you weren't the only one. Shane is too full of himself, Rick wishes he could be as good as him, Glenn is a nerd whose woman is out of his league, etc.*

 

(9:00a) *For some reason he thinks bad mouthing my friends is a good way to turn me on.*

 

(9:05a) -how much shit he give u abt me?-

 

(9:05a) -dont lie-

 

(9:09a) *He's not a fan of you, but I think that feeling is mutual.*

 

(9:13a) *If you're sitting back there feeling guilty bc someone made fun of me for hanging out with you, let me remind you that we're talking about Ed Peletier, and I couldn't give less of a shit if I tried.*

 

(9:14a) *Wanna know what I told him?*

 

(9:17a) -wut?-

 

(9:20a) *That you're one of my favorite people on this planet, and if he thinks you're nothing but white trash (his words, not mine, obviously), then that tells me all I need to know about his judge of character.*

 

(9:21a) *Lmao, then! He tried to change the subject and said, “I'm glad you got rid of that old junker truck of yours, it really wasn't becoming for a lady like you,” (istg, he said Sophia “wasn't becoming”), and I looked him in the eye and said, “Thanks, Daryl got me my new car.”*

 

(9:21a) *He left after that.*

 

(9:35a) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(9:37a) *I appreciate that your deflection comes in the form of dog photos.*

 

(9:40a) -ty-

 

(9:40a) -i mean 4 saying tht or w/e-

 

(9:42a) *You're a dork, Daryl.*

 

(9:43a) *Oh she's giving our papers back, I thought she forgot. Are u hype?!*

 

(9:44a) -no-

 

(9:47a) *What's the verdict?*

 

(9:47a) -B-

 

(9:48a) -ive nvr gotten above a C- on a paper b4-

 

(9:49a) *Yaaaas! I'm proud of you!*

 

(9:49a) -its bc of u-

 

(9:50a) *Nah, I just gave suggestions, you wrote the actual paper.*

 

(9:53a) *I didn't know you could turn that shade of red.*

 

(9:54a) -u called me essay king n made me hi5 u-

 

(9:54a) -whn did u become tara?-

 

(9:56a) *Lmao, I'm just happy for you. You worked hard on that paper.*

 

(9:57a) -yeah yeah-

 

(9:57a) -ty 4 ur help-

 

(9:58a) *Ofc. Besides, I'll need your help soon enough. We start reviewing for our final in French when we get back from break. It's cumulative. :))))*

 

(9:59a) -better start praying-

 

(10:00a) *Praise be to the duolingo owl.*

 

(11:06a) -teacher is tlking abt our speaking presentations-

 

(11:06a) -theyre not until next semester y is she doing tht?-

 

(11:08a) *How long do the presentations have to be?*

 

(11:14a) -15 min-

 

(11:18a) *Gross. Over what?*

 

(11:23a) -abt ourselves-

 

(11:26a) *You mean you have to do a fifteen minute presentation, in French, talking about yourself? That assignment was designed as a fuck you to you specifically.*

 

(11:30a) -ikr-

 

(11:31a) -mb i'll just take the f-

 

(11:31a) -xcept thn i wont graduate so nvm-

 

(11:35a) *You have to graduate so we can all dress up in those stupid hats together.*

 

(11:41a) -im not walking-

 

(11:42a) *Ummmm yes you so are.*

 

(11:42a) *I'll drag you myself.*

 

(11:45a) -id have 2 dress up n walk on a stage in front of a billion ppl fuk tht-

 

(11:48a) *Smh, we will resume this argument closer to June.*

 

(11:49a) -im not walking-

 

(11:50a) *Yeah we'll see.*

 

(11:51a) *Meet at the usual place?*

 

(11:51a) -ya-

 

(12:54p) -u were quiet at lunch thats usually my thing u ok?-

 

(12:56p) *I am.*

 

(12:57p) -u sure?-

 

(12:59p) *Yeah, I was just thinking. Here, I have history but I'll explain afterwards.*

 

(12:59p) *I promise it's nothing bad, so don't worry.*

 

(1:00p) -prob will nyway-

 

(1:00p) -tty in a bit-

 

(1:52p) *Smh, you're so anxious for someone who's supposed to be mean and tough.*

 

(1:54p) -yes-

 

(1:54p) -so wuts wrong?-

 

(1:56p) *Omg, I told you it was nothing bad. I do have a question tho.*

 

(1:57p) -k wut is it?-

 

(1:59p) *You know how I was gonna come over tomorrow to help you make pies (i.e. you were going to watch me make pies) for Friendsgiving?*

 

(2:02p) -ya-

 

(2:04p) *Ok so, my dad texted me earlier and told me he actually picked up a shift tomorrow with the construction place he (sometimes) works at and he needs me to take care of mom.*

 

(2:05p) *My aunt is gonna come by in the evening to help out so that won't be a problem, but I was wondering if you might wanna…*

 

(2:05p) *Come to my place instead?*

 

(2:09p) *I get it if that's uncomfortable.*

 

(2:10p) -no i dnt mind-

 

(2:11p) -but r u sure ur ok w/ it?-

 

(2:15p) *I'm gonna be honest here, I haven't had a friend over to my house since I was like, seven, and you're the only one who knows about my mom, but idk. I trust you.*

 

(2:16p) *But before you say yes I should warn you that if you're not used to being around sick people it might be kind of...a lot.*

 

(2:17p) *She can't communicate very well and she moves really weird, plus I'll have to check on her and stuff while you're there.*

 

(2:17p) *So like I said, I get it if you don't want that on your plate.*

 

(2:21p) -if ur ok im ok-

 

(2:24p) *You sure?*

 

(2:28p) -mhm-

 

(2:29p) -wut time shud i be ovr?-

 

(2:34p) *Eleven?*

 

(2:36p) -ok-

 

(2:41p) *My dad won't be home by the time we leave so you won't have to deal with him.*

 

(2:42p) *And my aunt is really nice.*

 

(2:42p) *And if you get weirded out by stuff you can tell me, I won't be offended.*

 

(2:44p) -carol-

 

(2:47p) *Yeah?*

 

(2:48p) -its fine-

 

(2:51p) *Thank you.*

 

(2:52p) -dont gotta thnk me-

 

(2:52p) -i'll plan to b there @ 11-

 

—-

 

_ Wednesday _

 

Daryl bites back his anxiety as he knocks on Carol's door. He's got a nice dose of adrenaline pumping through him at the idea of being included in something so personal, and he's afraid he might fuck it up, but he also knows that however nervous he is, Carol is double that amount, minimum.

 

This is confirmed right when she opens the door. She's got a nervous smile and is cracking her knuckles. She says, “Hey! Don't mind me, I look like a sewage monster, I didn't see much point in getting into nice clothes yet since I always get flour on me when I'm baking. Weather seems pretty nice today, huh? I haven't been out yet. Oh, you probably want to come in. Here…” She steps to the side, shushing her babbling to usher him in. He considers telling her to relax, but that wouldn't work on him if their places were switched, so there's probably no point in saying it to her.

 

The inside of her house is small. Not small like Daryl's, but definitely poverty line. The living room furniture appears to be secondhand, and there are none of the ornamental things that always baffle Daryl when he goes to Glenn's place, like a cabinet of dishes no one is allowed to eat off of, or a piano with dust sitting on it from lack of use. If anything, Carol's place feels a lot more like home.

 

The smell is different, though. It takes him a minute to realize that it smells kind of like a hospital; like a mixture of latex and sanitation and sickness. It's a stark contrast to the cigarette and mothball scent of his little shack of a home.

 

“You can toss your jacket on the couch if you want. We have to keep the heat up 'cause mom gets cold, so it gets hot in here.”

 

He's not hot, but he lays his jacket over the edge of the couch anyway, just because it seems like Carol wants him to.

 

“Here, follow me to the kitchen and I'll show you what I'm making so you know what you're claiming credit for tonight,” she jokes, bunching her wild tangle of hair into one fist and twisting a ponytail around it while she's walking. 

 

In the kitchen she's got a million different ingredients strewn about the counter. The oven is already preheating, and she's got a cookie sheet sitting on top of it.

 

“Okay, I'm going to give you a task.”

 

“What task?” Daryl asks, speaking for the first time since he got here. In response, she places a ball of dough wrapped in plastic wrap in his hand.

 

“I made cookie dough yesterday and froze it overnight, and now your job is to roll it out on some wax paper and cut out shapes. I have winter themed cookie cutters. I got them from the dollar store. Who says you can't get quality baking supplies for cheap? Though avoid the snowman one. The plastic is misshapen so the cookies you make with them end up looking like butt plugs.”

 

“Noted,” says Daryl, smiling a little. He lets her guide him over to a spot on the counter where she already has wax paper laid out next to a rolling pin.

 

“Wash your hands,” she says when he starts to unwrap the dough. He frowns at her but does as he's told.

 

For a while the two of them work together in the kitchen, Carol narrating everything she's doing while she makes pie fillings, and Daryl listening while awkwardly cutting out snowflake and mitten shaped cookies. About twenty-five minutes in, an alarm on Carol's phone goes off. 

 

“Sorry, hold on,” she says, wiping her hands off on a towel and silencing the alarm. “I have to get my mom's lunch together.”

 

“S'fine,” Daryl says. She nods. She pulls a glass down from a cabinet and fills it halfway with water. She then grabs a large container of some sort of powder. She dumps a scoop in the water.

 

“It thickens liquids,” she explains, stirring the powder in. “She can't swallow very well.”

 

She sits the glass aside and goes rummaging through the fridge. She takes out a vanilla pudding cup, a single serving cup of applesauce, and a vitamin shake.

 

“She probably will pitch a fit about the shake because dad's an idiot and accidentally bought strawberry flavor and she gets so pissy about it.”

 

“That must be where you get it,” Daryl says. At her confused expression, he reminds her, “You always eat around the strawberry ice cream in the neapolitan tub.” 

 

“Oh my god, you're right,” Carol says, laughing. “I guess it's genetic.”

 

The banter seems to have loosened her tension a little, as though she finally realizes that Daryl isn't there to scrutinize what she has to do at home. She continues to narrate, but it comes out more informative than nervous.

 

“I have to crush up her pills and put them in the applesauce,” she says, emptying a slot in a pill organizer into a pill crusher. “She eats the afternoon ones fine, but I guess one of her nighttime pills tastes like ass or something, because getting her to take those is an  _ ordeal _ .”

 

She arranges everything on a tray, then pauses.

 

“What?” Daryl asks. She chews her bottom lip for a second.

 

“You want to come meet her?” she asks, cheeks reddening. “You can say no. I've just... she's not really ever met one of my friends. She used to worry that I didn't have any.”

 

“'Course,” says Daryl softly. Carol smiles gratefully and beckons him to follow. They stop outside a cracked door down the hall.

 

“Lemme go in first and make sure she's decent,” she whispers. “Don't be surprised if she reacts weird to you. It's not you, she just sometimes gets thrown off by routine changes.” Daryl nods, and Carol takes the tray inside the room. He hears her talking softly, and a minute later she reappears and gestures for him to come in.

 

“Mommy, this is Daryl,” Carol says. “I told you all about him, remember?”

 

Carol's mother is thin, her limbs looking heavy and stiff. Her eyes are gaunt when they find Daryl's, and she mumbles something that he can't make out due to her not being able to control the movements of her tongue very well. This is definitely the body of a sick woman. She's contorted a little strangely and seems very helpless, but the thing that strikes Daryl the most is how  _ young _ she appears. She can't be older than mid-forties, and by the looks of it, and by the way Carol talks about it, she never will be.

 

He can feel Carol watching him anxiously, waiting to see how he'll react. 

 

Daryl just smiles calmly, and says, “Nice to meet you, ma'am,” like the polite southern boy he is, and Carol breathes out a sigh of relief at his side. With that out of the way, Carol springs right into caregiver mode.

 

Daryl watches on, feeling somewhat useless, as Carol props her mom up on some pillows and spoon-feeds her the lunch she prepared. 

 

“Daryl's helping me make desserts to take to Rick's tonight,” she tells her mom. Her mom looks to Daryl and says something to him and he panics for a moment, not sure how to respond, when Carol explains, “She asked if you bake.”

 

Daryl looks at Carol gratefully before addressing her mom.

 

“No, ma'am, but your daughter's real good at it so she's keeping me from burning anything.”

 

He isn't sure, but he thinks she smiles a little.

 

“Car?” Carol's mother asks, and Carol nods, wiping off her mother's chin with a tissue.

 

“Yes, mommy, Daryl's the one who helped me get a new car.”

 

“Thank you,” Carol's mom says to him.

 

“She said—” Carol starts, but Daryl shakes his head.

 

“I got that one,” he tells her. Carol grins.

 

After a little more conversation, mostly translated by Carol, Daryl goes back into the kitchen to let Carol finish taking care of her mom. He rearranges cookies on the cookie tray pointlessly, not quite sure what to do with himself, but certain he isn't allowed to touch any of the other baking ingredients.

 

Carol is back not too long later. He opens his mouth to say something, but she's engulfing him in a hug before he can even get a word out. He stands stock still for a moment, and then, remembering what Rick and Glenn said, forces himself to hug her back. Judging by her sharp intake of breath, it is the last thing she expected.

 

“Thank you,” she says when they finally pull apart. “For treating her like she's not dying, for coming here in the first place…” She looks like she's close to tears and he's never good at that, so he just shrugs.

 

“She's your momma. Sick or not, she made you so I figure she's pretty alright. Now what else am I s'posed to do here, because I cut out all the cookies and you didn't give me any other tasks.”

 

Carol laughs.

 

“C'mere and I'll show you how to place a top crust on a pie,” she says, and she does just that.

 

—-

 

“There you are. What are you doing over here in the corner?” Daryl looks up from his spot on the floor to see Glenn standing over him holding a cup of eggnog.

 

“This is where the dog was,” Daryl says. He points at the corgi snoring on his leg. 

 

“Over there is where are the people are,” Glenn counters, nodding towards the dining room.

 

“Yeah, exactly,” Daryl says, playing with the dog’s ear. “Carl is a stupid name for a corgi, by the way.”

 

“I didn’t name him, complain to Rick. Dinner’s almost ready, you’ll have to come socialize here in a minute.”

 

“Gross.” A thought crosses Daryl’s mind, and he frowns at Glenn. “You guys don’t do that stupid thing where you say what you’re thankful for and shit, right?”

 

“Oh no, we definitely do,” Glenn says, grinning. Daryl groans.

 

“I have to go home.”

 

“No way. Besides, it’ll be a great opportunity to tell Carol how thankful you are for her.”

 

“Keep your voice down, asshole,” Daryl hisses, glancing over to make sure no one is listening. “And I’m not doing that.”

 

“You’re the king of missed opportunities, you know that?” 

 

“And you’re a thorn in my ass that won’t go away.”

 

“Thankful for you too, buddy,” Glenn says, raising his drink to him. “Come join us soon.”

 

Daryl mumbles something unintelligible that may or may not be a collection of colorful words. He leans back against the wall, shuts his eyes, and absent-mindedly gives Carl the corgi belly rubs. The party isn’t that bad, really, but there’s also only so much  _ people _ he can do before it gets to be too much.

 

“Hey stranger.” Daryl opens his eyes and sees Carol. She lowers herself down on the floor beside him. There’s only so much people he can handle, but, he realizes, she’s not people.

 

“Hey,” he mutters.

 

“Instead of asking if anyone had seen you I asked Rick where Carl usually hangs out, because I figured you’d be wherever the dog was.” Daryl huffs a breath of laughter through his nose. “You gonna come eat with us?”

 

“Yeah. Just needed a minute.”

 

“I get it.” They don’t say anything for a moment. Carol reaches over to pet the dog and Daryl tries to pretend they’re not inches apart from one another. “So we usually do that thing where we say what we’re thankful for.”

 

“Glenn told me,” Daryl says, like he’s talking about his death sentence.

 

“I’ll get you out of it, don’t worry. But I wanted to say, since I know if I put you on the spot over there you’d hate it, that I am definitely very thankful for you.” 

 

The blush that blooms on Daryl’s face is  _ tremendous _ .

 

“Stop,” he mumbles. 

 

“I won’t drag it out. I just wanted you to know.” 

 

“Okay,” he says. He stares very determinedly at the ground as he mutters, almost inaudibly, “You too.” He hazards a glance her way and she’s beaming so brightly at him that he can’t help but smile a little back.

 

“Enough of that,” she says. She whips out her phone. “Take a selfie with me.”

 

“What? Why?” Daryl asks, eyeing the phone like it’s a loaded gun.

 

“Because I realized the only pictures I have of you are like, random body parts Henry is laying on. Smile.”

 

He does not smile, but he manages not to look entirely miserable either. 

 

“Okay, now one more of just you.” 

 

“No, c’mon, why?”

 

“Because I don’t have a picture for your phone contact. Say cheese.”

 

He does not say cheese.

 

“Probably the best I’m gonna get,” Carol sighs. She holds out her hand. “Lemme see your phone.” He hands it over before he even thinks to ask why. He watches her open his photo app and take a selfie of herself. “Here, make that my contact picture,” she says, giving him his phone back. In the picture she’s bright-eyed and smiling, every one of her freckles visible, and Daryl dry swallows.

 

“Yeah, okay,” he mumbles, assigning the photo to her contact.

 

“Good. Now come on,” she says, getting to her feet. “A little more socializing, but there will be food so you can just stuff your face so you don’t have to talk.”

 

He concedes defeat and follows her to the dining room where everyone is taking their seats. He takes the one in between Carol and Aaron. T he table is decked out in all the proper Thanksgiving fixings Daryl has never had. He simultaneously feels completely out of place and accepted for the first time in his life. 

 

“I’m thankful for Lori,” Shane says as they go around. Lori is thankful for Shane. Glenn for Maggie, Maggie for Glenn. When it gets to Rick, he looks to Michonne for permission, and when she gives a little nod, he says, “I’m thankful for my beautiful girlfriend.”

 

“Oh you motherfuckers!” says Glenn, banging a fist on the table, glaring between Rick and Daryl. “You knew this whole time, didn’t you? That was the secret you wouldn’t tell me?” he asks Daryl. 

 

“Yep,” is all Daryl says, reveling in Glenn’s fury.

 

It doesn’t escape Daryl that everyone at the table is paired up. Tara brought her girlfriend, Denise, and even Aaron and Jesus seem to be making eyes at each other, which leaves him and Carol as the odd ones out. When it gets to him, Carol speaks for him.

 

“Daryl told me he’s thankful to have a bunch of friends who would never make him say what he’s thankful for in front of everybody at the dinner table.” It gets a laugh, they let him be, and Daryl adores her.

 

“You’re last, Carol,” Maggie says. “What are you thankful for?” 

 

Carol glances at Daryl and smiles.

 

“For my friends,” she says simply. “Old and new.”

 

—-

 

(11:02a) -motorcycle-

 

(11:06p) ~i’m not talking to either of you.~

 

(11:09p) >You would have told the entire school, I don’t feel bad about it at all.<

 

(11:10p) ~hey, i’ve kept daryl’s secret, haven’t i?~

 

(11:12p) >Not from me.<

 

(11:13p) ~okay, so i told /one/ person out of everyone in the whole world?~

 

(11:14p) -guys-

 

(11:14p) -motorcycle-

 

(11:15p) ~oh yeah.~

 

(11:15p) >Sorry. What’s up?<

 

(11:17p) -i need 2 stop-

 

(11:18p) >Stop what?<

 

(11:20p) -idk feeling thngs-

 

(11:20p) -i like her-

 

(11:21p) -like a lot-

 

(11:21p) -2 much-

 

(11:21p) -dnt wnt 2 anymore so i gotta stop-

 

(11:23p) ~don’t think that’s how it works, buddy.~

 

(11:24p) >Yeah, I think you’re in way too deep to just forget about it.<

 

(11:27p) -she took a selfie w/ my phone n i keep looking at it this is so dumb-

 

(11:28p) -dnt tell anyone tht btw-

 

(11:28p) -i’ll murder u both-

 

(11:31p) ~have you tried, and i know this is pretty out there, but have you tried, you know, telling her how you feel?~

 

(11:33p) -shut up-

 

(11:35p) >Are you just going to pine after her forever? Even if telling her how you feel might be the best thing that’s ever happened to you?<

 

(11:37p) -yes-

 

(11:39p) ~why do we bother?~

 

(11:40p) >Because we’re not giving up on our stubborn, lovesick friend.<

 

(11:42p) -go ahead n give up-

 

(11:43p) >Nah, I like a challenge.<

 

(11:45p) ~hey, are you going to get carol a christmas present?~

 

(11:47p) -gdi fuck everything am i supposed to?-

 

(11:47p) -idfk how to give presents-

 

(11:48p) >We’ll help you, don’t worry.<

 

(11:49p) ~we got your bacterial meningitis.~

 

(11:49p) ~son of a bitch.~

 

(11:50p) ~*back.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. i totally forgot to mention in whatever chapter it was, but that thing about the lunch person serving kangaroo meat? totally happened
> 
> 2\. "where's the christmas chapter, diz?" i'm working on it. i'm gonna try, my dudes, i'm really gonna try, but this chapter ended up being waaay longer than i intended, and i got holiday bullshit to do, so we might be looking at me missing my deadline by inches. i genuinely don't know. just keep an eye out. i'm gonna get it posted asap, but i'm not gonna risk quality for timeliness if i don't gotta, ya feel?
> 
> 3\. your comments are everything to me. honestly, this time of year is bullshit, and this project has been escapism for me, so i really appreciate you guys indulging me in my bullshit. love u all
> 
> 4\. nobody has asked about length, but i thought i'd let y'all know that i have this story all mapped out, and there's still a lot left to go, so hang in there, the ride ain't over.
> 
> 5\. i feel like there was something else but idr, so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> happy holidays, friends
> 
> -diz


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw for child abuse

_ December 14th _

_ Monday _

 

(7:42a) -how tf do u not die w/ the amount of coffee u drink?-

 

(7:43a) -i got a coffee w/ a espresso shot n my whole body is shaking-

 

(7:43a) -how do u do like 3 or 4 n just go abt ur day?-

 

(7:47a) *Ridiculously high tolerance for caffeine, if we're being honest.*

 

(7:48a) *Why are you drinking coffee anyway? I didn't think you liked it.*

 

(7:51a) -i dont it tastes like shit n i had to put like 20 sugar packets in it but i didnt slp at all n needed smthn-

 

(7:51a) -ig im u 2day-

 

(7:53a) *Unfortunate. Why no sleep?*

 

(7:54a) -ugh my dad-

 

(7:55a) *What now?*

 

(7:58a) -up the whole gd nite smoking dope w/ some woman n gettin to kno her biblically-

 

(7:59a) -eventually i just went n slpt outside but by thn it was like 330 n i cud still hear them- 

 

(8:03a) *That is both depressing and disgusting. I'm sorry. Who does that with their kid around?*

 

(8:07a) -¯\\_(ツ)_/¯-

 

(8:08a) -at least hes leaving 2mrrw n prob wont be back until late jan sometime-

 

(8:10a) *He works on the road that long?*

 

(8:13a) -no but hes got women in different states he shacks up w/ for days at a time-

 

(8:19a) *You're gonna be alone for the holidays?*

 

(8:21a) -bc itd be real jolly to have him around?-

 

(8:21a) -dw i'll be ok-

 

(8:22a) -even if my bro was around id prefer to just be alone-

 

(8:26a) *I forgot you had a brother.*

 

(8:28a) -well ur not missin much-

 

(8:29a) -hes on yr 2 of a 5 yr prison sentence for possession w/ intent to deliver-

 

(8:34a) *That's awful.*

 

(8:36a) -ya well the dixons dont have their shining reputation for nthn-

 

(8:39a) *No, I mean awful for you, to have no family around.*

 

(8:40a) *Would you mind if I maybe come by on Christmas? I don't want you all alone watching Lifetime movies.*

 

(8:43a) -4 xmas its hallmark movies-

 

(8:48a) *My mistake. But seriously, we don't do much at home. Obviously there's not a lot my mom can do, I'm sure I can sneak away for a while. Besides, I have a present for you.*

 

(8:51a) -no. stop. dont have a present 4 me-

 

(8:54a) *Lol scowl at me all you want, I already made it so I'm giving it to you.*

 

(8:54a) *Also I hate when Rick laughs at you about some secret thing I know is happening in the group chat.*

 

(8:55a) *Anyway, it’'s nothing extravagant, I didn't get you diamonds or something.*

 

(8:56a) -thn wuts the point?-

 

(8:57a) *True true, you would look dashing in a diamond necklace.*

 

(8:58a) -ya so if its not diamonds thn u shdnt give me it-

 

(8:59a) *I'm giving you a present, Daryl.*

 

(8:59a) *But you better not get me one!*

 

(9:00a) -k how is tht fair?-

 

(9:03a) *Bc you got me a fucking car, so you're not allowed to give me anymore things.*

 

(9:05a) -dale got u a car not me-

 

(9:11a) *Daryl, do not get me a present.*

 

(9:13a) -if ur gna do this 2 me im gna do it 2 u-

 

(9:17a) *Nooo, come on.*

 

(9:18a) *I shouldn't have said anything.*

 

(9:19a) -n just let me look like an ass?-

 

(9:20a) -i was already getting u smthn nyway-

 

(9:20a) -tho im terrible at gift giving so im sorry in advance-

 

(9:25a) *You. Got. Me. A. Car.*

 

(9:29a) -no dale did-

 

(9:34a) *Oooooomg.*

 

(9:37a) -im so tired the coffee dsnt even help wuts the point-

 

(9:42a) *Yeah idk, it's kind of like being exhausted but faster and with more anxiety.*

 

(9:43a) *But at this point if I don't have it my head feels like it's being smashed in with a sledgehammer, so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯*

 

(9:46a) -wait did u say u made me my present?-

 

(9:48a) *Yes I did.*

 

(9:48a) *Handcrafted just for you.*

 

(9:50a) - :/ -

 

(9:51a) -tht means u spent time on it-

 

(9:54a) *Sure did.*

 

(9:54a) *Put thought and effort into it, isn't that horrible?*

 

(9:56a) -yes-

 

(9:57a) *Sorry pookie.*

 

(9:58a) *(I'm not actually sorry.)*

 

(9:59a) - :/ :/ :/ -

 

(10:00a) *Shush. Go do math. I'll ttyl.*

 

(10:00a) -smh-

 

(10:57a) -b4 we met wut did u kno abt me?-

 

(10:59a) *Pretty much nothing. You were just that kid that had always been there but never said anything.*

 

(11:04a) -not me but like my family-

 

(11:09a) *You mean like the rumors?*

 

(11:10a) -ya-

 

(11:13a) *Damnit I missed 11:11.*

 

(11:13a) *And idk, I probably heard what you already expect I heard.*

 

(11:16a) -b specific-

 

(11:18a) *Smh. Ok, people say shitty things about your dad.*

 

(11:18a) *That he's a drinker and mb more than that. Drugs and stuff.*

 

(11:19a) *But I never paid any attention to it, and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better, I really didn't. I figured it didn't matter one way or another what your daddy does, it doesn't mean jack shit about the person you are.*

 

(11:22a) -ppl think im like him tho-

 

(11:25a) *I never did.*

 

(11:26a) -but other ppl-

 

(11:31a) *Probably? But there also was that period of time right after he started dating Maggie that people thought Glenn must be a suave ladies’ man. People are wrong a lot, Daryl.*

 

(11:32a) *And less people think that about you now that they actually know you.*

 

(11:35a) -i dnt wnt ppl to thnk im like him-

 

(11:36a) -u kno ive nvr used in my life? just cigarettes n like a beer or 2-

 

(11:40a) *Do you think I think you have a secret meth addiction you're hiding from me or something? Daryl, you do extra homework so that you never accidentally say the wrong answer in class. Some idiots might think you're this big, scary guy, but I know the truth.*

 

(11:43a) -wut truth?-

 

(11:45a) *That you're about as scary as a newborn baby bird.*

 

(11:47a) -lmao stfu-

 

(11:49a) *Sorry darlin’, that's just how it is.*

 

(11:50a) *Now get your feathers unruffled, baby bird, and stop worrying about dumb rumors and come meet me for lunch.

 

(11:51a) -lol-

 

(11:51a) -yes ma’am-

 

—-

 

(8:09a) ~fmk: batman, iron man, spiderman?~

 

(8:12a) -wut?-

 

(8:14a) >Fuck Iron Man, marry Spiderman, kill Batman.<

 

(8:16a) ~psh, figures.~

 

(8:16a) ~wuts ur answer, daryl?~

 

(8:18a) -wut?-

 

(8:21a) >Fuck, marry, kill. One of us lists three people, fictional or real, and then the other two say which one we'd fuck, which we'd marry, and which we'd kill.<

 

(8:23a) -idgi y r we doing this?-

 

(8:25a) ~because i'm boring.~

 

(8:25a) ~*bored.~

 

(8:27a) -1st one was more accurate-

 

(8:27a) >No, autocorrect was right that time.<

 

(8:30a) ~fuck u guys.~

 

(8:30a) ~daryl, what's your answer?~

 

(8:31a) -idfk i dnt wna do any of those thngs 2 any of those ppl-

 

(8:34a) >That's the point. It's like, if you /had/ to pick, what would you choose?<

 

(8:37a) ~here, let's try a different one. fmk: a zombie, a werewolf, and a vampire? rick, you go first.~

 

(8:40a) >Fuck a vampire, marry a werewolf, and kill a zombie.<

 

(8:42a) ~now daryl.~

 

(8:44a) -y?-

 

(8:46a) ~oh my god, just answer the question.~

 

(8:48a) - :/ -

 

(8:48a) -wut rick said ig-

 

(8:50a) ~why those answers?~

 

(8:52a) -u nvr said i had to xplain-

 

(8:53a) ~yeah, but you stole rick's answer so i wanna know if you put thought into it or were just plagiarizing.~

 

(8:54a) -jfc-

 

(8:54a) -fuck vampire cuz arent they supposed to be hot or smthn? marry werewolf bc theyre basically a person. kill zombie bc zombies r just rotting meat tht eats u-

 

(8:57a) >All sound answers, actually.<

 

(8:59a) ~yeah, very well rationalized.~

 

(9:01a) -u guys r annoying-

 

(9:07a) >My turn. FMK Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Reindeer, and the Grinch.<

 

(9:11a) -i thot u said they had 2 b ppl-

 

(9:12a) ~or people-like.~

 

(9:12a) - :/ -

 

(9:15a) ~okay, fuck Frosty the Snowman, marry Rudolph, kill the Grinch.~

 

(9:17a) -how tf wud u fuck a snowman?-

 

(9:19a) ~lovingly.~

 

(9:19a) ~would you rather i fuck rudolph, because sentient or not i'm pretty sure that qualifies as beastiality.~

 

(9:21a) -no u fuck the grinch marry the snowman n kill rudolph-

 

(9:23a) >Defend your answers.<

 

(9:25a) ~the grinch is an asshole, so kill him, and then process of elimination, i'm not fucking a deer, besides he's basically a free airplane, so marry him and use him for personal gain, and then fuck frosty.~

 

(9:30a) -no kill the deer bc im not fucking or marrying a deer thn fuck the grinch bc hes the closest thing to a person n then marry frosty bc hes dead most of the yr n if he gets annoying u can just take off his dumb hat-

 

(9:31a) -jfc y am i doing this-

 

(9:35a) ~because it's fun.~

 

(9:42a) -no-

 

(9:45a) -also motorcycle-

 

(9:47a) >Okay, motorcycles are more fun than FMK. What's up?<

 

(9:52a) -i'll explain after math class-

 

(9:55a) ~you’re giving us a fucking cliffhanger?~

 

(9:57a) -ya-

 

(9:58a) -tty in a bit-

 

(10:00a) ~dick.~

 

(10:51a) -carol said she made me a xmas present-

 

(10:51a) -like homemade-

 

(10:59a) >How romantic.<

 

(11:03a) ~will you guys please just get married already?~

 

(11:05a) -stfu also thts not the prblm-

 

(11:06a) -she put effort into it n idk wtf to get her also im not worth the effort y did she do tht this is stressing me out-

 

(11:11a) >Daryl, you're spiraling, calm down.<

 

(11:15a) -sry i had a lot of coffee-

 

(11:17a) ~okay, first thing's first, you may be an asshole but you're totally worth the effort, so let's shut that shit down right now.~

 

(11:18a) >Agreed.<

 

(11:19a) ~second, you just have to think of something she would like. you know her really well, it shouldn't be that hard.~

 

(11:20a) >Yeah, you're overthinking it.<

 

(11:21a) ~you could make her something, since that's what she did.~

 

(11:23a) -lol no-

 

(11:23a) -i dnt have a creative bone in my body wtf wud i make her-

 

(11:30a) ~macaroni picture~

 

(11:32a) >Finger painting.<

 

(11:33a) ~saucy nudes.~

 

(11:34a) >Saucy nudes made out of macaroni and finger paints.<

 

(11:44a) -4get i asked-

 

(11:44a) -i miss having no friends u guys r shitheads-

 

(11:46a) ~holy shit, did daryl just refer to us as his friends?~

 

(11:48a) >Looks like Christmas has come early this year.<

 

(11:50a) -get out of my life-

 

—-

 

(2:07p) *My French teacher just called on me and asked what I've found to be the best study method.*

 

(2:08p) *Like a liar I said, “flashcards and reviewing the homework,” because I didn't feel like explaining that I mindlessly translate French sentences a green cartoon owl tells me to translate, in the middle of the night, when I can't fall back to sleep after helping my incapacitated, dying mother.*

 

(2:09p) *Imagine that conversation.*

 

(2:09p) *“Your grades have improved significantly, Carol, what's your secret?” “Well, you see, ma'am, my mother is effectively paralyzed and incontinent, and my father is useless, so I spend a lot of my nights doing very gross things and then decompressing by translating the sentence “you have an ugly pig” 18 times, while my lord and savior, the duolingo owl, tells me I'm doing a great job.”*

 

(2:11p) -you have an ugly pig?-

 

(2:14p) *Yeah, idk, some of the sentences are really strange. I apparently also have “a lovely duck.”*

 

(2:16p) -tht app nvr gets less weird no matter how much u tlk abt it-

 

(2:20p) *Look, I currently have a solid B- in this class, when before I had a very precarious D, so if this owl thinks my pig is ugly, I'm not about to question it.*

 

(2:24p) -p rude 2 ur pig-

 

(2:27p) *Lmao, shut up.*

 

(2:28p) *How late do you work tonight?*

 

(2:34p) -7 unless its slow-

 

(2:34p) -u?-

 

(2:37p) *8. Not having practice anymore and being able to pick up earlier shifts is super nice.*

 

(2:40p) -u still do 2 much-

 

(2:42p) *Ehhhhh oh well.*

 

(2:43p) *One nice thing is my aunt is going to stay with us starting tonight for the whole week so I can actually study for finals and not have to be up with mom all night.*

 

(2:46p) -gud r u going to get slp?-

 

(2:48p) *I'm going to study.*

 

(2:49p) -ya but will u slp?-

 

(2:50p) *... Study so hard.*

 

(2:52p) -ur impossible-

 

(2:55p) *Have fun at work!*

 

(2:56p) *Wait, actually, send me a Henry pic first.*

 

(3:00p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(3:02p) * :’) *

 

(3:02p) *Ok, now you can go have fun at work.*

 

(3:04p) -lmao k-

 

(3:05p) -bye-

 

(3:07p) *Later tater.*

 

—-

 

Daryl delays going inside his house as long as possible. He sits out with Henry playing fetch for a good half hour, before Henry decides it's time for a nap. Daryl contemplates just staying in the yard all night, but he needs to shower, and his phone's almost dead. Reluctantly, he kicks open his front door.

 

His daddy is glued to his usual seat in the recliner. He's looking like the dictionary definition of white trash, with a beer in one hand, and a meth pipe sitting on the table in front of him. It doesn't even phase Daryl. What he considers the worst thing about the sight is how unaffected it makes him feel. What would Glenn, with his happy family portraits along his staircase, think of this? What about Rick, with his sheriff dad, who could lock Daryl's own father right up if he saw what was just an average Monday evening for Daryl?

 

What would Carol think? That, he doesn't have the faintest clue, but he knows he'd like to never find out.

 

“Look what the cat dragged in,” says Daryl's dad, not bothering to look up from the TV. Daryl grunts a reply, and heads towards his room. “Hey, wait a minute, I got somethin’ for you,” his dad adds.

 

“What?” asks Daryl, pausing. In response, Daryl's daddy reaches for something shoved in the recliner. He pulls out what is clearly a female's shirt, with paw print stains, and Daryl blanches.

 

“Look what I found stuck in the couch cushion,” says Daryl's dad with a shit-eating grin. “What happen? You fuck a girl's brains out so good she forgot her whole damn shirt? Why, son, I didn't know you had it in you.”

 

“Ain't like that,” Daryl mutters, going to grab the shirt, but his dad pulls it out of his reach with a laugh.

 

“Hey, I ain't judging,” he says. “You just better be using rubbers, 'cause I ain't helping you pay for no babies.”

 

“Yeah, 'cause you're so good about paying the bills 'round here now,” Daryl snaps and then instantly regrets it. The playfulness drains from his daddy's eyes.

 

“You gotta problem 'bout how I take care of  _ my  _ home? The one I so  _ generously  _ let you stay in? And look how you thank me—by fucking some whore on my couch.” Daryl's jaw tightens. “Where'd you pick her up, huh? She must be one loose slut if she can just leave her clothes all over without giving a shit.”

 

“That's not what happened,” Daryl says through clenched teeth. “That's my friend's shirt. It got dirty and she borrowed one of mine. We didn't do nothin’.”

 

“A friend, huh? This that same bitch whose truck you jumped 'while back?”

 

“Stop calling her stuff like that.” 

 

“Oh oh! Look here, Daryl's a big boy standing up for some bitch he ain't even fuckin’. You must be real sweet on her, huh? She a real pretty thing? Got your heart all fluttery? How precious.”

 

“Dad, can we just drop it? Lemme have her shirt and I'll go to my room.”

 

“You know she's just using you, right? A boy who'll go out of his way to jump her car and doesn't make her put out? You're a dream come true, 'til she finds somebody who's worth a damn.”

 

“Dad, just let it go.”

 

“Your bitch is gonna leave you in the dust at the first sight of a real man.”

 

“Stop calling her that.”

 

“What, a bitch? That offend you? You don't like it when I talk about your pathetic little crush on some stupid, stupid, fucking whore?”

 

“Dad,  _ shut the fuck up _ ,” Daryl finally snaps. Daryl's daddy, high, drunk, and irrational, pushes himself up out of his chair and into Daryl's face. Daryl flinches instinctively, and cowers like a child.

 

“What'd you say to me, boy?”

 

“Nothin’.”

 

“Oh no, you definitely said somethin’,” says his daddy. He shoves Daryl by the shoulders a little. “You think you can talk to me like that?”

 

“No, sir,” Daryl says flatly, staring at the floor.

 

“Well, apparently you do.”

 

“I didn't mean it.”

 

“I don't think I believe you. I think we need to teach you some respect.” He grabs Daryl by the back of his flannel and flings him face first into the wall. 

 

Daryl knows better than to move. His eyes glaze over and his mind goes blank, instantly reverting into a familiar and automatic dissociation. From behind him he hears the jingle of a belt buckle. 

 

“Take off your shirt,” says his daddy. “And don't you dare cry.”

 

—-

 

_ Tuesday _

 

(7:46a) *Morning, this weather is bullshit, why is it so cold and icy?*

 

(8:21a) *Did you finish the Wuthering Heights reading for class?*

 

(8:59a) *You're not in English, are you even at school today?*

 

(9:51a) *Not to blow up your phone, but this isn't like you, are you okay?*

 

(10:52a) *Ok, you can't go MIA on a day where the roads are shitty, I am now assuming you pulled a me and are in a ditch somewhere.*

 

(11:11a) *11:11, I wish to know that you're okay.*

 

(11:12a) *Wait, shit, I'm not supposed to say the wish. Pretend I didn't tell you that.*

 

(11:26a) *I'll stop texting in case you're just sick and trying to rest, but can you plz at least tell me if you're alive?*

 

(12:31p) -im alive-

 

(12:32p) *Oh thank god.*

 

(12:32p) *Are you ok? Why aren't you at school?*

 

(12:40p) -sick-

 

(12:41p) *Do you need anything?*

 

(12:44p) -im fine i'll ttyl-

 

(12:45p) *Ok…*

 

(11:03p) *Goodnight, Daryl. I hope you feel better.*

 

—-

 

(8:34a) >Hey, are you at school today? Carol's asking if I've heard from you.<

 

(8:36a) ~yeah, she texted me too.~

 

(9:00a) >Okay, you're not in English class, so I'm assuming that's a no to you being at school today?<

 

(12:06p) ~can you please text carol, she won't stop checking her phone. i think she thinks you're dead.~

 

(12:07p) ~i told her you sometimes don't reply for hours on end to us, but she just said, “that's because you guys annoy him. he never does this to me.”~

 

(12:07p) ~rude, by the way.~

 

(12:42p) >Carol says you're sick? You good?<

 

(1:52p) ~she’s still super worried about you, fyi. she just said so when we left class together.~

 

(7:19p) ~hope you feel better, bro.~

 

(8:01p) >What he said. See you tomorrow, maybe?<

 

_ Wednesday _

 

(7:34a) *How are you feeling today?*

 

(9:00a) *Okay, so you're not here again. How sick are you?*

 

(9:16a) *I know I am probably projecting, but I know you said your dad left for work yesterday, and I don't like you being all alone, sick, and not contacting anybody.*

 

(9:17a) *Your bitch has anxiety about this kind of stuff! Help a girl out!*

 

(10:01p) -im fine-

 

(10:04p) *Bullshit.*

 

(10:04p) *If you were fine you'd be at school, or at least would tell me what was wrong.*

 

(10:36p) -i told u im sick-

 

(10:39p) *With what?*

 

(2:45p) *Yeah, that's what I thought. You're not telling me something.*

 

—-

 

The first thing that enters Daryl's mind when he hears the knock on the door is that he should have expected this. The second thing is anger, quickly replaced by fear. He contemplates not answering, but he's sure she won't let that fly. He forces himself out of bed, shrugs on the loosest shirt he can find on such short notice, and goes to greet her.

 

“What are you doing here, Carol?” he says flatly in lieu of a greeting. She doesn't answer right away, opting instead to study him head to toe, as though searching for anything that may be amiss.

 

He is not a pretty sight today, he knows. He's hardly left his room in nearly two full days. He's fed the dog, and broke down and brushed his teeth after his mouth felt to filmy, but his face is unshaven, and he can't even remember when the last time he ate was.

 

“You know exactly what,” Carol says accusingly. “You definitely don't look like you feel well. Do you have a fever?” She lifts her hand to feel his forehead, and he instantly recoils at the innocent gesture. She snatches her hand back, and while she doesn't mention his reaction, she narrows her eyes in suspicion.

 

“It ain't nothin’ but a bug, I'll be back to school eventually,” Daryl says, trying to cover for his lapse. His voice is gruff and scratchy from lack of use.

 

“Let me help.”

 

“Ain't nothin’ to help with.”

 

“Are you drinking enough water? Eating?” She's clearly falling into nurse mode, and Daryl has to remind himself that this is her natural impulse—if someone's sick, it's her job to take care of them. But Daryl isn't sick.

 

“Carol, just go home.”

 

“At least let me wear Henry out a little for you,” she says, and Daryl notices for the first time that Henry is on his chain whining and whimpering, both at the sight of Carol, and from understimulation. Daryl feels bad, but he's been so robotic the past 48 hours Henry's lucky Daryl remembered him at all.

 

“Fine, play with the dog. I'm going back to bed,” he says. He turns and shuts the door behind him, not waiting for a response. He crawls back into his bed on his stomach and does what he's been doing—absolutely nothing.

 

The door opens again sometime later—a half hour? an hour? he couldn't tell you—and he hears Carol rifling around his kitchen. He listens for a long time to the tinking of glass, the running of the faucet, the open and shut of the fridge—the homey sounds that he's never heard in his own house of someone putting together a meal. After a while, the noises fade, and he's met instead by a soft knock on the wood paneling of his cracked door. He squints over to see Carol holding a bowl and a glass of water.

 

“You didn't have a lot,” she says, sitting them both down on his bedside table, seemingly unconcerned by the wary way Daryl is watching her. “But you had eggs, milk, and flour, so I made some noodles and boiled them in chicken stock with some frozen carrots I found in the freezer. It's a real quick and dirty soup, so don't judge my skills on it, but you look like you've been eating air for all your meals so I wanted to give you something.”

 

Daryl can hardly tell her to “fuck off, I'm not hungry,” because when was the last time someone treated him with such kindness? Besides, at the smell of the soup, his stomach becomes reanimated and remembers just how empty it is. He finds the willpower to push himself up, and he winces as the wounds on his back stretch and rub against his shirt. Carol doesn't say anything, but he knows she sees.

 

“You gonna watch me?” Daryl mumbles, as he takes the bowl, with Carol standing before him looking expectant.

 

“At least until you eat some of it, yeah,” she says shamelessly. Daryl doesn't have the fight in him so instead he just takes a spoonful of broth and noodle and slurps it down. It's warm and delicious and coats his dry throat. He continues in this fashion, eating as gracefully as he ever does, trying not to be cognizant of Carol watching his every movement. 

 

“Thanks,” he mutters after he finishes the soup embarrassingly fast. She takes the bowl from him with a nod.

 

“There's more if you want it.”

 

“'M fine.”

 

“Drink your water at least.”

 

“I will.” He glances up at Carol's steeled expression and sighs. He reaches over and takes a few swallows of water.

 

“Good,” she says approvingly. “Now, are you gonna tell me what happened?” Daryl blinks at her.

 

“Hm?”

 

“You don't look sick, you look depressed. What happened?”

 

He debates lying, but he knows she'll see through his “nothing” like glass, but he can't tell the truth, either. He settles for,

 

“I don't want to talk about it.”

 

“Okay, we don't have to,” Carol agrees. “We don't have to say a single word about it, I swear on my life, but will you let me see it?”

 

“See what?” Daryl asks, confused.

 

“I see how you're moving, Daryl, and there's blood on one of your shirts in the living room. I'm not stupid, and I mean it, I won't talk about it, but if you've been laying around in your own filth for two days then you probably haven't been keeping whatever he did to your back clean, and I don't want you to get infected.”

 

Daryl feels the soup in his stomach threaten to make a reappearance.

 

“No,” he says firmly, scooting away from her. Carol holds her hands up in surrender.

 

“Okay okay, calm down,” she says gently. “I’m not gonna force you.”

 

Daryl continues to stare at her, deer in the headlights, the welts on his back throbbing even harder, like they're protesting being discovered. She lowers herself down on her knees and rests her elbows on the mattress. She makes no moves to touch him, but she frowns.

 

“Daryl, sweetheart, you're  _ trembling _ . God, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you that bad.” She's right, he notices belatedly, he's shaking like a leaf, terrified out of his mind that she's going to... what, exactly? What would Carol do to hurt him?

 

Nothing, he realizes. She won't do anything to hurt him. He's safe. He's  _ safe _ .

 

“I don't want you to see,” he says quietly, getting control over himself. She nods.

 

“I shouldn't have asked in the first place,” she says. “It's just...bed sores.”

 

“What?”

 

“My mom gets bed sores, and they've gotten infected before. Once it got so bad it almost killed her. I know it's irrational, but when I think about you having untreated cuts or burns or whatever it is... I don't know, I guess it just triggers something; a fear I didn't know was there. But that's my bullshit to deal with, not yours. Will you just do one favor for me?”

 

“What favor?”

 

“I want you to go shower; clean up your back. Also, I have cream with aloe vera in it that I carry in my bag that you can use.”

 

“You carry it for your mom?”

 

“No,” Carol laughs. “It's for sunburns. I burn so bad sometimes, I'm like a walking tomato.”

 

Daryl manages the tiniest of smiles.

 

“'Kay. I'll go shower.”

 

“Thank you. And one more thing?”

 

“Hm?” 

 

“I know what happened was—is—private, but don't shut me out like that again. You don't have to give me details, but at least be honest. I trust you with my baggage, I hope you know you can trust me with yours.”

 

“I do,” Daryl says honestly. “But I ain't ever had someone else who cares enough to carry it.”

 

Carol smiles at him softly.

 

“You do now.”

 

—-

 

Daryl expects Carol to be gone when he exits the bathroom, but instead she's wiping down the walls in his living room.

 

“Are you cleaning my house?” he asks. She looks at him over her shoulder and shrugs.

 

“Guess so,” she says. “I didn't know what else to do with myself.”

 

“Don't gotta keep taking care of me. I'm better now.” He finds that he means it. Not 100%, of course, but some of the clouds are dissipating.

 

“It's kind of what I do,” she says, tossing the rag she was using into a bucket of water. 

 

“Who takes care of  _ you _ , then?”

 

“I dunno,” she says. “Me?”

 

Daryl just shakes his head.

 

“Do you gotta get home?” he asks.

 

“No. My aunt is there, and I texted her and said I'd be studying late at Michonne's. I'm officially a delinquent—lying to an authority figure about where I am so I can spend time with a  _ boy _ .” Daryl snorts.

 

“You wanna watch TV?”

 

“Yes. I also am going to eat some of my mediocre soup, you want more?”

 

“Ain't mediocre, and yeah.”

 

They sit in relative, yet comfortable silence, watching a Lifetime movie about a teenager's descent into crippling porn addiction. When the credits start to roll, Daryl looks over to see Carol has fallen asleep, curled in a ball on her end of the couch. He watches her for a moment before he starts to feel like a creep. He goes to his room, grabs an extra blanket, and drapes it over her. He plugs her phone into a charger next to her, and heads to bed himself, feeling the lightest he has in days.

 

The next morning he's surprised to find her almost exactly where he left her, her tired body apparently latching onto an opportunity for rest with a white-knuckled grip.

 

“Hey,” he says softly, peering down at her on the couch. “Carol, wake up.”

 

Carol stirs, and then, after taking a moment to orient herself, pops up suddenly enough to make Daryl jump.

 

“What time is it?” she asks, rubbing her eyes. She's gone from dead asleep to wide awake in a nanosecond, which, he realizes, she must be an expert in by now.

 

“Six thirty,” he says. “You fell asleep while we were watching that movie. I didn't wanna wake you. Figured we shouldn't be late for school, though.”

 

“Are you going to school?” she asks him curiously, pushing her hair out of her face.

 

“Yeah,” he says, and flushes a little when she smiles at him. “Imma go feed the dog.”

 

While outside with Henry, Carol pokes her head out the door.

 

“Hey, can I use your shower like, super quick?”

 

Daryl  _ does not _ think about Carol showering. In his house. In nothing.

 

“Yeah, sure, go ahead,” he says, and if his voice comes out a little hoarse, well, he figures he can blame it on it being early. Carol calls out a thanks and Daryl turns back to Henry, who is looking at him with suspiciously knowing eyes. “Shut the fuck up,” Daryl tells him, and fills his bowl with kibble.

 

—-

 

(9:17p) -hey carol?-

 

(9:23p) *Yes?*

 

(9:29p) -thank you-

 

(9:32p) *Ain't nothin’.*

 

(9:34p) -lmao stfu-

 

(9:35p) -its smthn-

 

(9:37p) *That's what I've always said.*

 

—-

 

_ Christmas Eve _

 

(1:16p) ~daryl, it is one day before christmas and you have not mentioned anything about a gift for carol. did you give up?~

 

(1:29p) -no-

 

(1:33p) >Does that mean you got her something?<

 

(1:37p) -ya-

 

(1:41p) ~is it good? it better be good. i have so much riding on this.~

 

(1:46p) -wtf r u tlkng abt?-

 

(1:49p) ~i’m so invested in this relationship now, so you gotta come through, buddy.~

 

(1:52p) -wtf is wrong w/ u?-

 

(1:56p) >In his defense, I am also invested.<

 

(1:59p) -shudnt u both b worrying abt getting ur girls gifts n not worrying abt wut i got carol?-

 

(2:05p) ~i got maggie a pornography camera.~

 

(2:05p) ~POLAROID. A POLAROID CAMERA.~

 

(2:09p) >Wow, tmi Glenn.<

 

(2:10p) -i lold-

 

(2:13p) ~i hate this phone so much.-

 

(2:15p) >Anyway, I got Michonne this hideous cat figurine that she was fawning over. She likes that kind of stuff for whatever reason.<

 

(2:18p) -carol calls her an art hoe-

 

(2:20p) >I mean, I'm not going to call my girlfriend a hoe, but like... she's not wrong.<

 

(2:24p) ~don’t leave us hanging, daryl, what'd you get carol?~

 

(2:26p) -dw abt it-

 

(2:29p) >Oh come on, you aren't even going to tell us?<

 

(2:34p) -¯\\_(ツ)_/¯-

 

(2:37p) ~wtf.~

 

(2:38p) >Carol is a terrible influence on you.<

 

(2:40p) -n yet ur so invested-

 

(2:41p) >It's true. We are.<

 

(2:42p) ~we really, really are.~

 

—-

 

_ Christmas Day _

 

“I don't even want us to exchange gifts because this is already peak Christmas joy right here.”

 

Henry is rolling around on his back, happy as a clam to be allowed inside—with his favorite person visiting, no less—all while wearing a little Christmas sweater Carol crocheted for him.

 

“You made my dog a sweater,” Daryl says for the third time.

 

“And you made your dog a ghost costume. Let's admit we're both suckers for this asshole, huh?”

 

“The ghost costume took five minutes. This took time, and you have none.”

 

“The nights get long and crocheting is a stress reliever, don't worry about it,” Carol says, sipping sparkling cider out of a plastic cup Daryl's dad took home from Hooters. “Okay okay, he's cute, but I've wanted to give you this for weeks.” She grabs the medium sized, squishy package wrapped in shiny silver paper with a nice, meticulous bow around it, and hands it over to Daryl.

 

“I don't do gifts, what if I don't know how to react to it?” Daryl asks, eyeing the present like it's a bomb about to go off.

 

“I'll understand. I speak Daryl.”

 

“Didn't know they taught that on duolingo.” 

 

Carol barks out a laugh.

 

“I love your unexpected one liners. Now open the damn gift.”

 

“Am I allowed to rip it? It's all pretty and shit.”

 

“Yes, ripping it is part of the fun.”

 

Daryl is doubtful, but he tears apart the paper anyway. He undoes the bow and pulls out what appears to be an article of clothing. Before he even has a chance to process what it is, Carol is launching into an explanation.

 

“So I was at the thrift store ages ago, and I saw that leather vest, and I thought it looked like something a biker would wear, and it was your size, so I bought it kind of on a whim, but I didn't give it to you because something about it didn't feel right, like it was too bland. That's when I decided to stitch that into the back.”

 

Daryl unfolds the vest and turns it around to see an intricate angel wing design meticulously stitched into the leather.

 

“I dunno, I thought it was cool. And you ride your motorcycle so much, I thought it was time you had the proper attire.” She sounds a little less confident than she was a minute ago. Daryl turns to her and very honestly says,

 

“I fucking love this thing,” and Carol beams.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. It's really cool.” 

 

What he means by “It’s really cool,” is, “Nobody has ever, in my entire life, put so much thought and effort into something for the sole purpose of making me happy, and it's very overwhelming, also this vest actually is just really cool,” but he can only express so much aloud. But maybe Carol hears the unspoken part. She claims to speak Daryl, after all.

 

“'Kay, this is yours,” Daryl says shyly, handing her the small box he poorly wrapped in newspaper. She seems delighted. 

 

Daryl fights back a fit of nerves as she unwraps it. What if she doesn't like it? What if he was totally off the mark? What if he doesn't know her as well as he thought? What if what if what if?

 

“Oh my God, Daryl, this is beautiful,” Carol says. She pulls out the necklace with the rose-shaped locket. After obsessing for days over what to get her, Daryl walked by an antique shop on the way to get dog food and saw this necklace on display for next to nothing, and instantly thought of her.

 

“Open it,” he tells her. She does and lets out a squeal that makes Daryl laugh.

 

“My very own Henry pictures to wear!” she says. 

 

“I'll still send you some, but those are for emergencies. ‘Sides, I'm pretty sure that dumb dog thinks your his mom.”

 

“I will gladly accept that title,” Carol says, grinning up at him. “Thank you so much, I love it.”

 

She motions like she's about to hug him, but then thinks better of it. He knows she's worried about crossing his boundaries after what happened last week. So Daryl does something so completely uncharacteristic that he's asking himself what the fuck he's doing  _ while  _ he's doing it, as he pulls her in for a hug.

 

She hugs him back tight, careful to keep her hands high and off his back where they both know he's wounded. He lets himself bury his face in her shoulder for just the briefest of seconds, before they break apart.

 

“I got one other thing for you,” Daryl says, composing himself. Carol furrows her brow.

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah,” he says, reaching into his pocket. “I'm pretty sure it's sacrilege, but Glenn told me to make you something.” He hands her an even smaller box. It's not wrapped. She opens it and immediately bursts into laughter.

 

“You fucking smartass,” she says. In the box there's a Jesus on the Cross pendant, except over Jesus’ face, Daryl has superglued a cutout of the duolingo owl.

 

“Praise be to the duolingo owl, right?” he says, smiling.

 

“Praise fucking be. I'm gonna keep this in my pocket during French tests like a goddamn rosary.” She shakes her head. “Merry Christmas, Daryl.”

 

“Merry Christmas,” he says back, and is surprised that for the first time in his life, he means it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. yeah, so this didn't get posted on christmas. i tried, but there was just too much and not enough time. my apologies, but hey, if all things go according to plan (knock on wood) this sunday should be the new years eve chapter, and so that one will be on time. hooray?
> 
> 2\. yes that's a real lifetime movie
> 
> 3\. happy belated whatever you celebrate, fam. i love you all. your comments really make my day, you have no idea
> 
> until next time,
> 
> -diz


	17. Chapter 17

_ December 26th _

_ Saturday _

 

(12:42p) -how did u guys do the thing or w/e?-

 

(12:46p) ~what?~

 

(12:47p) >Gonna need a bit more from you, bud.<

 

(12:51p) -asjkakfjahnladnaka-

 

(12:53p) ~rick, daryl is keyboard smashing, what do we do?~

 

(12:55p) >I don't know, this is unchartered territory. Is this a motorcycle, Daryl?<

 

(12:57p) -ig-

 

(12:57p) -idk-

 

(12:57p) -idk anything-

 

(12:58p) -i think im gna just go live in the woods-

 

(1:01p) ~you want to finally realize your dreams of being a sultry woodsman?~

 

(1:02p) -sure-

 

(1:04p) >He didn't tell you to shut the fuck up, Glenn.<

 

(1:05p) ~oh shit. this is serious.~

 

(1:06p) >Talk to us, brother. What did you mean when you asked us “how we did the thing”?<

 

(1:11p) -ugh fuck everything-

 

(1:11p) -k fine-

 

(1:12p) -how tf do ppl date other ppl?-

 

(1:12p) -how do u?-

 

(1:12p) -idfgi-

 

(1:12p) -how do u kno if they like u? do u ask? wut if they dnt? do u just crawl in a hole n die? wut do u do?-

 

(1:13p) -this is stupid n i wnt life 2 go back 2 b4 i cared abt anyone-

 

(1:13p) -esp her-

 

(1:13p) -she needs 2 go away she makes thngs 2 hard-

 

(1:15p) ~i would like it noted just how much self-restraint i'm executing by not making a “she makes things too hard” joke.~

 

(1:16p) >It doesn't count as self-restraint if you still bring it up, idiot.<

 

(1:16p) >Daryl, I take it you're kinda...in your feelings today?<

 

(1:17p) -ive been lying on my face on the floor for 2hrs listening 2 this fukin fleetwood mac playlist on youtube bc ig i listen 2 fukin fleetwood mac now-

 

(1:20p) ~yikes.~

 

(1:20p) ~i think daryl's officially crossed over into the “i like this person so much that it's all i can think about and i have no idea how to deal with it, i want to rip my skin off” stage of having a crush.~

 

(1:22p) >Is that true, Daryl? Do you want to rip your skin off?<

 

(1:23p) -if u think itll help-

 

(1:24p) ~you could try it out, i suppose.~

 

(1:25p) >Ignore him and please keep your skin on.<

 

(1:26p) >Now, I know we've brought this up before, but have you reconsidered the possibility of just... telling her?<

 

(1:29p) -i cant-

 

(1:30p) >Because you don't think she feels the same way?<

 

(1:33p) -y wud she? she's perfect n im just some guy whos lying on his face like a dipshit-

 

(1:36p) >Okay, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, Daryl. Michonne and Maggie? They are /way/ out of our leagues.<

 

(1:37p) -thts not a secret-

 

(1:37p) >1\. Fuck you. 2. Let me finish.<

 

(1:38p) >They're out of our leagues, but they love us anyway because we're there for them, and make them laugh, and make them happy, and that matters more than them being eons better than us in every possible way.<

 

(1:40p) ~i get why you're saying that about yourself, rick, but who says i'm out of maggie's league? maybe /i'm/ out of /her/ league.~

 

(1:41p) -lol-

 

(1:41p) >Rofl.<

 

(1:42p) >Anyway, the point is, she adores you and clearly doesn't care that you've spent your entire life up until this point ignoring literally everyone. The popular cheerleader stereotype is so outdated, and besides, Carol isn't that petty. I think you have a real shot with her.<

 

(1:44p) -but if i say smthn n ur wrong thn itll be weird 4ever n itll ruin everything-

 

(1:45p) -better 2 just live in the woods-

 

(1:47p) ~what would be worse, things being weird for a while, or you never getting off the floor again because the weight of your unspoken feelings is slowly crushing you to death?~

 

(1:50p) -all ur life uve nvr seen a woman taken by the wind-

 

(1:50p) -wud u stay if she promised u heaven-

 

(1:50p) -will u ever win-

 

(1:52p) >Daryl, are you legit quoting Fleetwood Mac lyrics in the group chat?<

 

(1:53p) ~jesus christ he may actually be broken.~

 

(1:54p) ~quick, daryl, say something mean and deeply hurtful to me.~

 

(1:56p) -i cnt bc u may b an idiot but at least u kno how to date ppl like a normal fukin person-

 

(1:57p) - _ you changed the group name to “thunder only hppns whn its rainin” _ \- 

 

(1:58p) >Okay, that's enough Fleetwood Mac for today, Daryl, turn the playlist off.<

 

(1:59p) > _ grp prjct rick changed the group name to “No Stevie Nicks Allowed” _ <

 

(2:01p) -she took another selfie on my fone of her n my dog n istg i almost made it my bckgrnd pic-

 

(2:01p) -wtf is happening to me?-

 

(2:03p) >Okay, if you're not gonna tell her then we need a different plan.<

 

(2:05p) -lobotomy-

 

(2:06p) ~let’s save that one. probably would be more effective than ripping off your skin, though, so we'll put it higher on the list.~

 

(2:08p) >I was thinking more along the lines of figuring out what her feelings are for you without giving you away. Or maybe just getting an idea of what she might want in terms of having a relationship right now. She hasn't dated anyone since Ezekiel, right?<

 

(2:09p) -ew dnt tlk abt him tlking abt him makes me feel weird-

 

(2:10p) ~weird how?~

 

(2:11p) -idk mad? y am i mad at him i dnt even kno him?-

 

(2:13p) ~hahaha, daryl, i think you're jealous.~

 

(2:14p) -no im not y wud i b jealous?-

 

(2:15p) ~because ezekiel is carol's ex, and that makes you think about her being with someone who isn't you.~

 

(2:16p) -they arent together y shud i care?-

 

(2:17p) ~so you're unbothered by knowing ezekiel went on dates with her and kissed her and maybe even slept with her?~

 

(2:25p) >Daryl?<

 

(2:26p) -anyway-

 

(2:27p) ~the thought engorged you didn't it?~

 

(2:28p) -it did not-

 

(2:28p) ~*enraged.~

 

(2:30p) -im gna take henry 4 a walk-

 

(2:31p) -bye-

 

(2:33p) ~ah, a nice and abrupt goodbye when things get too uncomfortable.~

 

(2:34p) ~the daryl we know and love isn't gone completely.~

 

(2:35p) >Thank god. The song lyrics had me worried.<

 

(2:36p) -i can still see ur txts dipshits-

 

(2:38p) ~have a nice walk!~

 

(2:40p) -get fucked 4ever-

 

—-

 

_ December 27th _

_ Sunday _

 

(9:08a) *I hate the time between Christmas and New Year's. It feels off.*

 

(9:27a) -wdym?-

 

(9:27a) -also gud morn-

 

(9:30a) *Good morning, and I mean like, it's this chunk of time between two holidays and we don't have school but I still have work but everyone's on vacation and idk, it's just very weird and kind of unsettling.*

 

(9:32a) -u at work rn?-

 

(9:35a) *Yeah, I'm sorting books in the backroom at the library. All my supervisors are out for the week so it is very tempting to do nothing.*

 

(9:36a) *I'm settling for doing stuff but in a half-assed way.*

 

(9:37a) -sounds like a gud plan-

 

(9:38a) -i think henrys crying outside-

 

(9:38a) -i alrdy fed u dummy-

 

(9:40a) *Maybe he's lonely.*

 

(9:42a) -mb-

 

(9:42a) -brb im gna go check on him-

 

(9:54a) *Is he ok?*

 

(9:59a) -he hurt himself hold on-

 

(10:01a) *Wait what?*

 

(10:07a) -ugh dumbass dog-

 

(10:08a) *What happened?*

 

(10:09a) -he has a nail stuck in his paw-

 

(10:09a) -i dnt wna take it out it mite hurt him more-

 

(10:10a) *Oh no, poor baby! What are you going to do?*

 

(10:12a) -take him 2 the emrgncy vet ig-

 

(10:12a) -his vet isnt open wknds-

 

(10:13a) *Where is it? I'll meet you there.*

 

(10:15a) -wut?-

 

(10:15a) -rnt u @ wrk?-

 

(10:18a) *Yeah. I just asked my coworker if he'd be ok on his own. I said there was a family emergency.*

 

(10:20a) -a family emrgncy-

 

(10:21a) *My son is hurt, Daryl!*

 

(10:22a) *Unless you'd rather go alone?*

 

(10:23a) -no its fine-

 

(10:23a) -u being there mite calm him down some-

 

(10:24a) -he isnt happy rn n the vet isnt gna help-

 

(10:26a) *Then text me the address and I'll be there asap.*

 

(10:27a) *Tell Henry I'm coming.*

 

(10:29a) -will do-

 

—-

 

Carol’s Chevy is already in the vet’s parking lot by the time Daryl pulls up beside her. He can hear the muffled sounds of her Fleetwood Mac playlist through her closed doors, and is annoyed that he not only knows what song she’s listening to, but also knows all the words. But with Henry in the passenger seat, whining and licking his paw, Daryl figures that’s a problem for another day. Carol turns off her car and comes over to Daryl’s pickup. He switches off his own ignition and opens his door.

 

“Hey,” she says. She’s wearing an unremarkable jacket, with a plain scarf, and plain jeans, with her hair shoved into a messy bun, and Daryl hates himself for thinking she’s still so goddamn pretty.

 

“Hey,” he says back, shoving his thoughts down as far they’ll go.

 

“How’s our patient?” Carol asks, peering past Daryl to see Henry. “How you doin’, boy?” At her voice, Henry lifts his head and gives a pathetic “arooo” noise, and Carol clutches her chest. “Oh no, he’s so sad,” she says.

 

“Yeah, he’s not feelin’ too hot,” Daryl agrees, giving Henry a sympathetic pat on the head. “We’ll get you fixed up, bud.”

 

“How bad is it?” 

 

“I’m not sure, he wouldn’t let me get a good look at it, but the nail’s gotta be in there pretty deep.” He unbuckles his seatbelt and hops out of the truck. Carol follows him as he goes over to the other side to get Henry. He scoops him up into his arms. “Can you get the door?” Daryl asks, a little strained at the weight of the unhappy dog he’s carrying. Carol shuts the door and then hurrys ahead of him to get the door to the vet’s office as well.

 

Inside smells like antiseptic with an underlying scent of animal hair and pet shampoo. There are two other people there, one with a portable crate with a yowling cat inside, and another with a very big lizard on his shoulder. Carol and Daryl go up to the receptionist, who is a disinterested looking woman chewing bubble gum. 

 

“How can I help you today?” she asks, as though helping them is the last thing she would care to do.

 

“Uh, my dog got a nail stuck in his paw,” Daryl says over Henry’s furry shoulder shoved in his face.

 

“Fill this out,” the receptionist says in a bored voice, pulling out a clipboard with several pages worth of paperwork on it. “Bring it back when you’re done.” 

 

Carol and Daryl wait to see if she has more to say, but the instruction has a clear note of finality to it, so Carol grabs the clipboard and the two of them go over and sit on a couple of hard, plastic chairs. Daryl adjusts Henry so that he’s laying across his lap, careful not to touch his injured foot. Henry scoots forward a little so that he can rest his chin on Carol’s knee. He looks up at her with big, sad eyes, and lets out a sigh.

 

“You’re breaking my heart, boy,” Carol says, leaning forward to kiss the top of Henry’s head. She straightens up and holds the clipboard in front of her. She flips through the paperwork, shaking her head. “Pretty detailed stuff just to fix his paw.”

 

“It’ll probably cost me about four paychecks to pay off, too,” Daryl muses. He’d been trying not to think about that.

 

“Well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” Carol says, as though she really intends this to be a joint venture, and Daryl briefly wonders if they somehow have joint custody over a dog. “Hand me that pen on the table,” she says, nodding at a pen sitting amongst a pile of six month old editions of  _ Reader’s Digest _ . 

 

“I can fill it out,” says Daryl, but Carol shakes her head.

 

“No offense, but your handwriting is a disaster, and I don’t want to risk having to deal with that asshole receptionist any more than we gotta if she can’t read what you wrote. You can just tell me the answers and I’ll write them down.” 

 

“‘Kay,” Daryl mutters. He watches Carol jot down the answers she already knows. 

 

_ Name: Dixon, Daryl _

_ Pet’s name: Henry _

_ Injury: Nail stuck in right foot _

 

“My birthday is May fourteenth,” Daryl says, and Carol purses her lips at him.

 

“I know that,” she said. “You told me before.”

 

“Like, once months ago. Didn’t expect you to remember.”

 

“Well I did. Does that mean you forgot mine?” she asks with a teasing grin.

 

“February fourth,” Daryl says automatically. There are very few facts about Carol that he doesn’t remember. She beams at him.

 

“How old is Henry? Do you even know?”

 

“When I took him to see if he was chipped the lady said he was probably two or three.” 

 

“We should give him a birthday.”

 

“Why?” Daryl asks, and Carol just scoffs.

 

“I think his birthday is August fourth,” she says with certainty.

 

“Why August fourth.”

 

“That’s my half-birthday, so that way we’ll always be able to remember it,” she says pragmatically. Daryl rolls his eyes at her, but inside he’s thinking she’s adorable, and then is subsequently beating himself to a pulp with a figmented bat. 

 

“You said he’s a blue heeler, right?” she asks a minute later.

 

“Yeah, at least. I think he’s part German shepard.”

 

“I think I remember you saying that. You said there might be a third thing?”

 

“Yeah, he’s part asshole, too.”

 

“Be nice!” Carol reprimands. She cups Henry’s face and says, “Don’t listen to your mean ol’ dad, he’s the one who’s part asshole.” Daryl snorts.

 

They finish off the paperwork and Carol takes it up to the receptionist. Henry looks at her in utter betrayal when she stands up, and then whines the entire two minutes she’s gone. At least, Daryl thinks, he’s not quite that attached to her, although that’s a low bar.

 

“Hush you, I’m right here,” Carol says when she returns, propping Henry’s chin back onto her knee. “I don’t know what happened to that lady to make her hate her life so much, but she’s was so snotty with me I momentarily thought about throwing punches.”

 

“Pro’ly for the best that you didn’t.”

 

“Yeah, instead I was just  _ super  _ nice. I think it pissed her off more than if we’d thrown down, so it works out. Anyway, she said there’ll probably be a long wait. I guess there’s only one vet in, and screaming cat and lizard guy are ahead of us.”

 

“You got anywhere you gotta be? ‘Sides the work you bailed on, I mean?” Daryl asks, and Carol sticks her tongue out at him.

 

“Nah. I’m actually avoiding home today.”

 

“How come?” 

 

“Got into a fight with dad last night about how I never pull my weight around the house.” Daryl scoffs, and Carol nods. “I know, right? But apparently because I didn’t get dinner made last night until eight, because mom needed bathed and fed and I worked all afternoon, I might as well be doing nothing for all the help I am, I guess. So that’s what I’m doing today. Nothing. If I’m gonna get my ass handed to me for not pulling my weight even though I’m nearly killing myself with all the stuff I do, I figure I might as well get a break while I’m at it.”

 

“You trust him with your mom?”

 

“Oh yeah, he’s totally capable of doing everything I do. He just doesn’t. But if I’m not there he doesn’t have a choice.” She regards Daryl. “Do you think I’m being unfair.”

 

“No,” Daryl says honestly. “Just don’t like that it’s somethin’ you gotta deal with in the first place.”

 

“Yeah,” Carol says quietly, fiddling with Henry’s ear. “She really should be in a care facility. She should have been at least year ago, honestly, but dad’s so stubborn about it. And like, I get it, right? Part of it is coming from genuine love for his wife, and not wanting to force her into a home, but I’m not convinced her quality of life is better where she is now. Just ‘cause it’s familiar doesn’t mean it’s better. And I’m not a nurse, you know? And he leaves all the hardest parts to me. And she’s...it’s getting close to the end stages, and she’s only gonna need more help the closer she gets.”

 

“You shouldn’t have to deal with that,” Daryl says, staring up ahead of him, not sure how to comfort her. But then, the comfort might be the fact that she’s able to talk about all this with someone after keeping it all to herself for years.

 

“You know what the sick part of it all is?” she asks, staring out the same way he is.

 

“Hm?”

 

“When she’s...when it’s over, I don’t know who I’ll be. These are supposed to be formative years, right? Well, all my formative years have been spent taking care of her, so when that’s not my job anymore, what am I supposed to do?”

 

“I dunno,” Daryl says. “Anything you want, I guess.”

 

“I don’t have a single idea of what I want.”

 

“Well,” Daryl says, scratching Henry’s back absentmindedly. “At least that makes two of us.” He hazards a glance her way, and realizes that’s not entirely true. What he wants to be, what he wants to do—that’s all a mystery to him, but there’s one thing he is sure he wants. 

 

Her.

 

—-

 

“Henry,” a woman in scrubs with cartoon cats on it says cheerfully from the exam room door. It’s been well over an hour, and Carol and Daryl are watching something stupid on Netflix on Carol’s phone. They both startle at Henry’s name being called. Carol tucks her phone away while Daryl scoops Henry up in his arms again to carry him to the back room.

 

“What a handsome fella,” says the chipper vet tech to Henry, who looks as though he’s accepted his fate of being perpetually tortured, and has the saddest face on that Daryl has ever seen. “Go ahead and put him on the table over there.” 

 

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Carol says when Henry tries to scramble off the cold exam table Daryl sits him on. “You gotta stay still, boy.” Henry calms down a little as Carol gives him soothing strokes down his back, but he doesn’t look any happier about it. 

 

“Oh he likes you, doesn’t he?” the vet tech says with a laugh. 

 

“She’s his favorite person,” Daryl mumbles, and Carol flashes a quick grin at him.

 

“But I’m guessing you’re Daryl?” the vet tech asks, checking her chart. Daryl nods. “Okay, it says here that someone stepped on a nail, is that right?” He nods again. “Let’s see if he’ll let us have a look.” 

 

Carol talks soothingly to Henry while the vet tech takes hold of his injured paw. The tech touches it and Henry immediately let’s out a high-pitched whine, and tugs his foot away in pain. Both Carol and Daryl cast identical frowns at the vet tech, as though she wasn’t just doing her job. 

 

“It’s definitely lodged in there,” says the vet tech. “It’s hard to tell, but it might have pierced all the way through the soft tissue between his toes. I’m gonna go get Dr. Greene, and he can tell you a bit more definitively, alright?”

 

Carol and Daryl nod, and the vet tech leaves the room. 

 

“It’s pro’ly my fault,” Daryl says.

 

“Whaddya mean?”

 

“The nail is pro’ly from when I built his dog house. It pro’ly got buried in the dirt and I didn’t even notice.” He looks at Henry, heavy with guilt.

 

“Oh stop, it’s not your fault,” Carol says gently. “It’s a dog’s duty to get some dumb injury and cost you a million dollars to fix it.” Daryl snorts.

 

“Yeah, maybe. Don’t want him to hurt though.” He scratches Henry under the chin, and mutters, “Sorry, boy.” 

 

“He forgives you,” Carol says with confidence. 

 

“Does he now?” Daryl says with a small smile.

 

“Mhm. They added a Henry module on duolingo. Right next to the Daryl one.” 

 

Daryl actually laughs at that.

 

A couple minutes later the door to the exam room opens again, and a man with white hair and a white beard, a doctor’s coat, and a limp walks in. 

 

“You’re Carol Miller,” is the first thing out of his mouth. Carol blinks.

 

“Correct,” she says. “Do I know you, sir?”

 

“You’re friends with my daughter, Maggie,” says Dr. Greene. A dawning recognition washes over Carol’s face.

 

“Oh, that’s right. Maggie told me her father was a veterinarian, but I didn’t even think to put two and two together when I heard your name. Nice to meet you.” 

 

“Likewise,” says Dr. Greene. He turns to Daryl. “I think I’ve heard of you as well, son. Dixon, right?” 

 

“Yeah,” Daryl says, dreading hearing about how Dr. Greene knows him through the grapevine of rumors about his deadbeat dad and druggie brother.

 

“You spend time with Maggie’s boyfriend, Glenn, right?”

 

Or that works too.

 

“Uh, yeah,” Daryl says. “I guess.”

 

“Sweet kid. Odd kid. He and Maggie were once on a date, and he texted to let me know that Maggie’s phone had died, and that he’d ‘have her homosexual by midnight.’ He then sent me fifteen apology messages.” 

 

Daryl snorts hard, while Carol tries to cover her laugh with her hand.

 

“And how did you reply to that, sir?” she asks, voice strained.

 

“I believe I told him that I’d love her no matter what, but that her being homosexual may adversely affect their relationship.”

 

Daryl fights the urge to shake this man’s hand and thank him for this new ammunition.

 

Dr. Greene goes over to Henry, who eyes him with suspicion. Dr. Greene examines him, speaking softly to him. “He’s a very beautiful dog,” he tells Daryl. “A healthy coat. You must keep very good care of him.”

 

Daryl shrugs and mumbles a thanks.

 

Dr. Greene gains Henry’s trust enough to get a look at his paw. He’s gentle with it, careful not to hurt him. He looks it over and tsks his tongue.

 

“I think our best course of action,” he says, straightening up. “Is to sedate him and extract the nail. He’ll need a few stitches, and I’ll send you home with some antibiotics to prevent infection, but I don’t think there should be any long lasting problems once everything heals.”

 

“I’ll do whatever for him, but like...how much is that gonna cost?” Daryl asks, embarrassed. He waits for Dr. Greene to ask why his parents aren’t helping him pay; why a seventeen year old boy is taking care of this all on his own. 

 

“Tell you what,” Dr. Greene says, sticking his hands in his pockets. “I’ll give you the friends and family discount, and then whatever’s left on your tab, you and I can work out a payment plan. Sound good?”

 

“You don’t have to do that, sir,” Daryl mumbles. 

 

“Would you rather pay full price?” Dr. Greene asks with a smile. Daryl ducks his head, and Carol pats him on the back with a laugh.

 

“Thank you,” she says for both of them.

 

“Not a problem. Now, we’re short staffed until this evening, so it’s probably best that you leave him here overnight. That’ll give him time to sleep of the anesthesia and you can pick him up first thing in the morning.”

 

“Leave him here?” Daryl asks, frowning.

 

“I promise he’ll be fine,” Dr. Greene says knowingly. “And we have your number if we need it.”

 

“But…” Daryl looks at Carol for help. She gives him a sympathetic smile, and then unwraps the scarf she’s been wearing and hands it to Dr. Greene.

 

“Can you put this with him in his kennel?” she asks. “So he has a familiar smell.”

 

“Of course,” says Dr. Greene, taking the scarf. Carol squats down so she’s eye level with Henry.

 

“You gotta stay here tonight,” she tells him. “But it’s so you can get better. We’ll be back to get you tomorrow, okay? Promise.” She kisses him on the nose and then looks at Daryl expectantly.

 

“See you tomorrow, boy,” he mutters, giving him scratches. He turns to Dr. Greene. “He doesn’t like his tail played with, and he prefers chicken over beef. Also, music calms him down sometimes, and his favorite song is  _ Little Lies _ by Fleetwood Mac. Shut up, Carol.”

 

“I didn’t even say anything,” Carol says, poorly suppressing a grin.

 

“Yeah, but you were gonna.” 

 

“He’s going to be fine,” Hershel assures him. “You can pick him up by eight tomorrow.”

 

“Fine,” Daryl mutters. 

 

“Thanks, Dr. Greene,” Carol says. She takes Daryl by the elbow. “C’mon,” she says. “It’s not gonna get easier the longer we stay.”

 

“He’s sad,” Daryl complains after they’ve left the room and he can still hear Henry’s cries of protest through the door.

 

“He’ll be okay.”

 

“What if this is what his other owners did to him, and he thinks I’m gonna abandon him like they did?”

 

“Stop it, you’re making me sad now,” says Carol, pushing him out the front door. Carol digs out her keys and fiddles with them. “What are you doing now?” she asks. 

 

“Going home and moping,” Daryl says. She nods.

 

“Want company?” she asks.

 

“‘Course,” he says. She grins.

 

“Meet you there.”

 

—-

 

“I miss my dog,” says Daryl, arms crossed, pouting on his couch. 

 

“I miss your dog, too,” Carol agrees from her spot beside him. “Wanna encourage me to make a bad financial decision and order a shitton of Chinese food and binge watch  _ 30 Rock _ all night?”

 

“Yes,” says Daryl.

 

“Good, because I already have the menu pulled up on my phone.” 

 

“Get extra crab rangoon.”

 

“Duh.” 

 

Several hours later, the two of them are still grazing off their feast, lazing around on the couch, Daryl’s laptop propped up on the coffee table, 10 episodes in. Daryl has his feet up on the table, and Carol has hers on his lap, and he has to regularly remind himself that it’s  _ no big deal _ . 

 

“What time you gotta be home?” Daryl asks when the stream pauses and asks,  _ Are you still watching _ ?

 

“Like six hours ago,” Carol says with a shrug. At Daryl’s expression she adds, “I really don’t care. I’ll get in trouble, but what’s he gonna do? Make me do chores around the house and take care of mom? I already do that.” 

 

“Yeah, I guess,” Daryl says, picking at some fried rice. 

 

“Would you mind if…” she trails off.

 

“If?” Daryl presses.

 

“If I stay here tonight again? I’ll just tell dad I’m with Michonne, and then I’ll already be in town so I can come with you tomorrow to get Henry.” 

 

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Daryl says, and stops himself before adding, “You don’t have to ask.”

 

“Thanks,” she says smiling. She burrows a little deeper into the couch, and nods for Daryl to hit next episode.

 

—-

 

(10:21p) ~hey daryl, rick and i are last-minute going to the midnight showing to that horror movie that’s supposed to be really bad. wanna come?~

 

(10:24p) -no thnx carol is here-

 

(10:28p) ~oooh lala.~

 

(10:30p) >Ask her if she wants to come, too.<

 

(10:32p) -shes aslp-

 

(10:34p) ~oh my god, she fell asleep at your house?~

 

(10:37p) -ya shes staying the nite-

 

(10:37p) -she fell aslp with her legs n my lap which is nice but also i need 2 pee-

 

(10:40p) >Back up.<

 

(10:40p) ~waitwaitwaitwaitwait.~

 

(10:41p) ~you’re having a fucking /sleepover/ with carol?~

 

(10:42p) >She fell asleep on your /lap/?<

 

(10:44p) -stfu its nbd shes stayed here b4-

 

(10:45p) ~she’s WHAT?~

 

(10:46p) -friends slp at friends houses rite?-

 

(10:48p) ~yeah, sure, totally normal. right rick? this all sounds super platonic?~

 

(10:49p) >So platonic.<

 

(10:50p) ~the most platonic.~

 

(10:51p) -go away-

 

(10:52p) ~have fun sleeping with carol, daryl.~

 

(10:53p) -he guess wut? i met maggies dad 2day glenn-

 

(10:54p) -did u ever make maggie homosexual?-

 

(10:54p) -id imagine dating u wud do tht-

 

(10:56p) >I don’t remotely understand the context, but I know that was a major burn.<

 

(10:57p) ~noooo.~

 

(10:58p) ~daryl, you are an absolute shithead.~

 

(11:00p) -njoy ur movie dumbass-

 

(11:02p) >This is the weirdest group chat I’ve ever been in.<

 

—-

 

_ December 31st _

_ Thursday _

 

(11:32p) *Hey.*

 

(11:34p) -hey-

 

(11:35p) *How’s cone-of-shame doing?*

 

(11:37p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(11:37p) -he still hates it-

 

(11:38p) *I don’t blame him.*

 

(11:39p) *Wyd?*

 

(11:41p) -nothin-

 

(11:43p) *Your new year’s is that wild, huh?*

 

(11:44p) -oh yeah-

 

(11:44p) -wbu?-

 

(11:45p) *Sitting here. Kinda sad. Kinda mad. More than kinda.*

 

(11:46p) -how come?-

 

(11:47p) *Can I call you?*

 

(11:47p) -sure-

 

* _ incoming call from carol _ *

 

“What’s wrong?” asks Daryl immediately upon answering.

 

“The usual, but also my dad has reached an all-time low in terms of fucking me over.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“You’re gonna be really pissed about it.  _ I’m  _ really pissed about it.”

 

“What is it?” 

 

“So my dad was at the sport’s bar in town last night—you know, while I was at home taking care of his terminally ill wife—and guess who he ended up getting all friendly with while he was there?”

 

“Who?”

 

“Chad Peletier.”

 

“Peletier, you mean—”

 

“Ed’s father? Yes, that’s the one. And so I guess Ed’s dad was talking about how his son is just  _ so infatuated _ with me, and it’s a shame I won’t give him a chance. So my dad, the altruist that he is, told him that I’d  _ love  _ to go on a date with Ed Friday after next.”

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

 

“I wish. He told me this morning, and when I flipped my lid on him, you know what he said?”

 

“What?”

 

“He said, ‘The Peletier’s have money, Carol. You have to stop being so selfish, and think about how being with a boy like Ed would help your future, and your family’s.’ By ‘my family’s’ he very clearly meant him specifically, in case that wasn’t clear.” 

 

“That is some massive bullshit.”

 

“Yep.”

 

“What are you going to do?”

 

“I don’t fucking know. Dad said that if I go on the date and really, genuinely can’t stand him, then he’ll let it go, so I guess I’ll probably do it. It’s gonna be a shitshow, though, can you imagine? He’s gonna tell everyone, and it’s not like I can explain to everybody that I’m on a date with Ed because I’m extremely poor and my dad wants me to find a nice rich man to solve all our problems.” 

 

“You’re really gonna go out with him?”

 

“What else am I supposed to do? It fucking sucks, Daryl, it’s like I only matter to my dad in terms of how good a housewife I can be; how good a man I can find. It doesn’t matter to him at all what would make me happy.”

 

“What  _ would  _ make you happy?”

 

“Hell if I know. It’s like I said before, I don’t even know who I am without all the shit.”

 

“Are you crying?”

 

“Yeah, but let’s pretend I’m not.” 

 

“Can I help?”

 

“You already do, Daryl. You’re one of the few good things I have. Just don’t change that and you’re helping me plenty.”

 

“Right. I won’t change it.” 

 

“Oh fuck.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“We missed midnight.”

 

“Oh. Whups.”

 

“Goodbye to one shithole year.”

 

“Into the next one.”

 

“Ha, we probably shouldn’t be so cynical for how young we are.”

 

“Pro’ly not.”

 

“I guess this year wasn’t so bad.”

 

“Why’s that?”

 

“I got someone pretty special in my life this year.”

 

“Mm...you talking about the dog?”

 

“Of course I’m talking about the dog.”

 

“You’re ridiculous.”

 

“You wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 

“Nah. I wouldn’t.”

 

“Happy New Year, Daryl.”

 

“Happy New Year, Carol.”

 

“Here’s hoping it’s a better one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is late, i had food poisoning/stomach flu/the wrath of god or something yesterday. hope everyone has a good new year. these nerds will be back in 2019!
> 
> -diz


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to avoid spoilers, cw is at the end of the chapter. check there if you're worried, plz and thnx.

_ January 1st _

_ Friday _

 

(11:02a) ~happy new year!~

 

(11:04a) ~have you guys ever tried edging?~

 

(11:09a) >I'm waiting for you to correct whatever typo that was.<

 

(11:12a) ~it wasn't a typo. remember when i fell down that internet rabbit hole when i was doing my health class homework?~

 

(11:13a) ~well i've been frequenting this blog that was talking about how edging can help you last longer during sex.~

 

(11:16a) -no-

 

(11:16a) -no no no-

 

(11:16a) -nope-

 

(11:16a) -absolutely not-

 

(11:18a) ~so that's a hard no, you've never tried edging?~

 

(11:19a) -fuk u thats a hard no on having this conversation-

 

(11:23a) >So this is how we're starting the new year, good to know.<

 

(11:25a) -no it is not-

 

(11:28a) ~i am just trying to give you guys valuable advice for a healthier, more positive, and more fruitful sex life.~

 

(11:29a) ~(that's the blogger's tagline.)~

 

(11:33a) -keep ur advice-

 

(11:34a) >My sex life is just fine, thanks.<

 

(11:36a) ~well i'm gonna try it. i'll let you know how it goes.~

 

(11:39a) -dont-

 

(11:41a) >Yeah, you really don't have to.<

 

(11:44a) ~you’ll spank me someday.~

 

(11:45a) >Please tell me that one was a typo.<

 

(11:47a) ~fuck.~

 

(11:47a) ~*thank.~

 

—-

 

Despite Carol's hope, Daryl is finding that this new year kind of sucks.

 

He woke up to Henry crying and had to go out in the cold and help him get his head cone unstuck from the dog house door. Then he discovered he was out of Poptarts. Next, Glenn tried to talk about his dick in the group chat. And that was all on top of the fact that Carol would be going on a date with Ed Peletier in one week, and also she doesn’t want her relationship with Daryl to “change”.

 

He hardly has time to harp on it, however, before his phone starts ringing, the caller ID showing him the shit cherry for his shit sundae of a New Year's Day.

 

“Hello?” he says flatly into his phone.

 

“A county inmate is attempting to contact you. To accept the charges, press one,” says a robotic voice on the other end. With a sigh, Daryl hits the number one and waits for his brother's voice to come through.

 

“Happy New Year, baby brother,” comes Merle’s chipper voice through the receiver. Daryl frowns at the wall adjacent to him.

 

“Hi, Merle,” he says flatly.

 

“The ol’ man home?”

 

“Nah, he’s out on business.”

 

“Gettin’ pussy out on the road, you mean.”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Look, sorry I haven’t called in a minute. I been thinkin’ ‘bout you though.”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“How’s school. You still goin’?”

 

“‘Course.”

 

“Still on track to graduate?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Shit, I ain’t even need to ask that, do I? You always was the smart one, baby brother. Sorry I ain’t gonna be able to watch you walk.”

 

“Don’t matter, I ain’t walkin’ anyway.”

 

“Hey, c’mon now, why not?”

 

“No point walkin’ in front of a crowd full of nobodies.” Daryl thinks of Carol—of Glenn, Rick, and the others—and briefly reconsiders, before remembering that it’s  _ their  _ families that will be out there watching, not his. Friends walking beside him or not, he’ll still be embarrassingly alone, and he could do just fine without that, thank you very much.

 

“Still, you put up with that school and all them shitheads who run it for years now. You should walk and then right before you get your degree, you should flip ‘em the bird, just so they know how you feel ‘bout ‘em all.” Merle laughs at his own joke, while Daryl rolls his eyes.

 

“That’s the way  _ you  _ feel about ‘em,” he says.

 

“Oh yeah, I forgot, I’m talkin’ to Mr. Education over here. Listen, I’m real proud of you and all, but Dale’s got you all hooked up with a job once you’re outta that shithole, so who really cares at the end of the day, right?”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Daryl mumbles.

 

“And hey, sorry I didn’t call on Christmas. I used up my phone call on this broad I was seein’ here and there before I got locked up. If you saw her you’d understand.” He chuckles a little and adds, “Or maybe not. Jury’s still out on you, huh? You’re still out there protecting your precious lil’ flower like a pansy.” 

 

“Shut up, man.”

 

“I’m just fuckin’ with you. You got no sense of humor. Really, though, sorry you had to spend the holiday all alone. I’m guessin’ the ol’ man didn’t stick around town to sing carols by the tree or nothin’.”

 

“‘S’fine, I wasn’t alone,” Daryl says, feeling defensive. “My friend came over for the day.”

 

This gives Merle pause.

 

“Your  _ friend _ , huh? Since when do you give anybody the time of day? Who is he? What’s his name?”

 

“...She’s a she, actually,” Daryl says, bracing himself.

 

“Baby brother,” Merle says in disbelief. “You been holdin’ out on me? Have you got yourself a  _ girl _ ? Do I gotta amend my previous statement about your lil’ flower? Finally?”

 

“What is it with you and dad?” Daryl asks. “She’s just my friend. Just ‘cause she’s a girl don’t mean I’m fuckin’ her.” 

 

“Man, what’s the point then? You gotta listen to all her bitchin’ and you ain’t even gettin’ anything out of it.”

 

“She’s actually real nice to talk to,” Daryl mutters. Merle scoffs.

 

“Who is she?”

 

“Carol. Her name’s Carol.” 

 

“Miller?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Miller as in the poor-as-fuck Millers with that sick lady?”

 

“How do you know that? Nobody knows that.”

 

“‘Cause their neighbors were repeat customers of mine. Used to run their mouths all day long ‘bout the dyin’ lady next door. I’m guessin’ that’s your Carol’s momma? Shit, man, she lives in one shit neighborhood, how the fuck did you pick her up?”

 

“Yeah, ‘cause we live like kings. Can we stop talking about her now?”

 

“Whatever, man, I’m almost out of time anyways. But real fast, before I go—” Daryl waits for it. “—You think you could send some money to my commissary?”

 

“There it is,” Daryl says, shaking his head.

 

“Hey, baby brother, that ain’t why I called you. I just figured since I got you on the line…”

 

“I get it, it’s whatever. I’ll send you some. You gotta wait ‘til I get paid next, though. I spent most of this month’s check on a vet bill for my dog.”

 

“Dog?”

 

“Never mind. I’ll talk to you later, Merle.”

 

“Right, well, if you ever feel like comin’ up sometime, they got visiting hours on Sundays…”

 

“Yeah. Maybe.”

 

“‘Kay, well. Later.”

 

“Later.”

 

Daryl hangs up the phone and stares off at nothing for a good minute or so, feeling shitty. He then gets up and goes to bring Henry inside, because if he’s going to lay around and be depressed, he might as well have his dog with him. 

 

He lays on his back on the disgusting carpet in the living room, and Henry rests his pathetic conehead on his belly. Daryl picks up his phone and debates for a few seconds. The part of him with an ounce of dignity left in it is screaming at him, but the side that is shameless and hopelessly infatuated wins out—as usual—as he goes into his photo album and scrolls to the selfie Carol took with Henry.

 

He has the picture memorized already; has spent a despicable amount of time staring at it and feeling sorry himself, but it can’t be helped. She’s gorgeous, and adorable, and hot, and a whole slew of other adjectives that Daryl hates himself for thinking.

 

“I can just be her friend,” Daryl says aloud to Henry, because that is marginally better than saying it aloud to himself. Henry shifts his head towards Daryl and seems doubtful. “I can,” Daryl insists. Henry merely turns his head back and sighs. 

 

Daryl ghosts a thumb over the picture and ignores the gross tugging sensation in his chest. He still feels like shit. What makes him feel better when he feels like shit?

 

(2:07p) -so far this yr sux-

 

(2:14p) *Agreed. I broke a glass full of milk this morning, got yelled at about it, and then stepped on a rouge shard of glass I missed and I’m pretty sure it’s still imbedded in my foot.* 

 

(2:15p) *Why does yours suck?*

 

(2:16p) -bro called from prison-

 

(2:16p) -glenn tlkd abt masturbation in the grp chat-

 

(2:16p) -am out of poptarts-

 

(2:16p) -etc-

 

(2:17p) *Yikes.*

 

(2:18p) *Maybe we just need to skip this year entirely. Any chance you got a time machine?*

 

(2:19p) -nah do u?-

 

(2:20p) *Yeah but I accidentally sent it to prehistoric times without me in it.*

 

(2:20p) *That’s what I get for trying to see the dinosaurs. I guess we’re stuck here.*

 

Daryl snorts. He’s smiling at his phone like an idiot when he notices Henry looking at him. His smile drops from his face and he sighs.

 

“Shut up, Henry,” he mumbles. 

 

‘Only friends’ might end up being harder to pull off than he thought. 

 

—-

 

_ Friday _

 

(7:52a) *Meat dress.*

 

(7:55a) -sry?-

 

(7:56a) *I'm trying to think of what I could wear on my date tonight that would work as Ed repellent.*

 

(7:56a) *I was thinking I could pull a Lady Gaga and wear a meat dress.*

 

(7:58a) -idk anything abt lady gaga but a meat dress sounds expensive-

 

(7:59a) *Not if you find the meat yourself.*

 

(8:01a) -tht is a v creepy sentence-

 

(8:05a) *Oh please, you hunt don't you?*

 

(8:06a) -not 2 make meat dresses-

 

(8:09a) *Leather is basically meat clothes.*

 

(8:13a) -i thnk u dnt understand how leather is made-

 

(8:13a) -anyway plz dont commit any felonies 2nite-

 

(8:14a) -or like at all ig-

 

(8:14a) -but esp 2nite hes not worth it-

 

(8:16a) *Ugh I don't want to go.*

 

(8:21a) -ya-

 

(8:22a) -just be careful i still dnt trust him-

 

(8:25a) *Plot twist, he murders me and uses my body to make a meat dress.*

 

(8:29a) -k no more meat dress tlk-

 

(8:29a) -n plz dnt get murdered-

 

(8:30a) -henry wud b sad-

 

(8:33a) *Just Henry, huh?*

 

(8:37a) -yep just henry-

 

(8:42a) *Well ig I can't break conehead's heart. I'll try not to get murdered.*

 

(8:44a) -his stitches all healed so hes free now-

 

(8:45a) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(8:47a) *That pic is basically a blur.*

 

(8:49a) -ya he was so happy he had zoomies 4 an hr-

 

(8:51a) * :’) *

 

(8:51a) *Zoomies.*

 

(8:52a) -smh its wut theyre called-

 

(8:56a) -i thnk u just confused tf out of rick n shane by saying my meat vest looks nice-

 

(8:57a) *Well, it's a leather vest, so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯*

 

(8:58a) *It does look great tho. And I'm so happy you're wearing it!*

 

(8:59a) -rode my bike 2day so thot i shud-

 

(9:00a) *You look like a scary and hot biker who would beat you at pool at a bar and then buy you a drink after and pat you on the back like, “good game, kid.”*

 

(9:07a) -thts rly specific but k-

 

(9:08a) -also lol @ hot-

 

(9:08a) -no-

 

(9:11a) *Uhhh, yes??*

 

(9:12a) *We've been over this.*

 

(9:15a) -ik n glenn found out n wont stp calling me a sultry woodsman-

 

(9:20a) *That's fucking hilarious.*

 

(9:20a) *But also you've always been one of the most attractive people in the school, and that's not just me stroking your ego, like, people legit say that.*

 

(9:26a) -plz say ur kidding-

 

—-

 

(9:31a) >Carol texted me telling me to tell you that people think you're hot.<

 

(9:31a) >They do. It's like a thing.<

 

(9:33a) ~i don't know what's happening, but rick's right. i think the avoidance helps. “he's so brooding and myserioussss <333”.~

 

(9:34a) ~read that last bit in a high pitched lady's voice, kthnx.~

 

(9:35a) >Anyway. Congrats on being attractive.<

 

(9:36a) ~yeah, it's something rick will never understand.~

 

(9:37a) >Ignore Glenn, he's just projecting because he knows he's destined to be hideous the rest of his life.<

 

(9:40a) -gudbye-

 

(9:42a) >Rofl, bye.<

 

—-

 

(9:36a) - :/ -

 

(9:39a) *Told you so.*

 

(9:42a) -if u hear ppl tlkng abt me set them on fire-

 

(9:44a) *As much as I love arson, you told me not to commit any felonies.*

 

(9:47a) -changed my mind-

 

(9:49a) *Fresh out of matches, pookie. Sorry.*

 

(9:56a) -if rick evr winks @ me again im gna throw him off a bridge-

 

(9:57a) *Wow, we are violent today.*

 

(9:57a) *But also that's fair, I'll cover for you with the police.*

 

(9:58a) -ride or die-

 

(10:00a) *Damn straight we are.*

 

(10:49a) *I could eat a bunch of raw garlic cloves in case he tries to kiss me.*

 

(10:52a) -itd also help if he turns out 2 b a vampire-

 

(10:55a) *Lol!*

 

(10:56a) *He can’t be a vampire, vampires are supposed to be hot.*

 

(10:56a) *Like ~~~someone else~~~ I know.*

 

(10:57a) -omfg stop-

 

(10:57a) -i thot girls thot he was hot isnt tht y he gets so many dates n shit?-

 

(10:58a) *He’s like, objectively not horrible looking, but he’s got the personality of someone who is going to have a receding hairline and beer gut by the time he’s 30.*

 

(10:59a) *Also I’m sure his ability to get dates is heavily influenced by the fact that his parents both have six figure incomes.* 

 

(11:01a) -i thot 6 figure incomes were a myth-

 

(11:06a) *Lmao, right?*

 

(11:07a) *It’s so annoying how important it is to my dad that I get with someone who has money.*

 

(11:10a) -ig but dnt u wnt to have $ someday?-

 

(11:14a) *(Damnit, I missed 11:11, I was going to wish that Ed got dysentery and had to cancel our date.)*

 

(11:15a) *And idk. Like, it’d be nice, but it’s not a requirement? If I’m with someone who’s actually a good person and treats me right, I don’t think I’d give two shits how much money they made.*

 

(11:15a) *Idek what to do with money, anyway. Buy name brand ketchup?*

 

(11:19a) -mhm thts wut i hear all the rich ppl say is the best part of having $-

 

(11:19a) -name brand ketchup-

 

(11:23a) *Okay, but like, when was the last time you bought name brand ketchup?*

 

(11:26a) -fuk tht shit its like 4 bucks a bottle-

 

(11:29a) *Exactly.*

 

(11:30a) *But the point is, no, money isn’t that important to me. The only time I really care about it is in terms of health and stuff. Especially if I end up being sick like my mom, I’d rather not have to struggle to pay all my medical bills. And applying for government assistance suuuuuucks aaaassss.*

 

(11:31a) *But even then, if I’m with someone who’s loaded but is a shitheel and I end up being sick, they could spend all the money in the world on getting me care and it’d still be worthless if they weren’t there to support me. Does that make sense?*

 

(11:36a) -yeah i get it-

 

(11:42a) *Can you imagine Ed Peletier spoon feeding sick me vanilla pudding?*

 

(11:45a) -tbh im surprised ed can feed himself-

 

(11:49a) *Thats fair.* 

 

(11:50a) *Lunch?*

 

(11:51a) -ya c u in a sec-

 

—-

 

(1:51p) *What if I just started telling him I have super weird fetishes to make sure he never thinks about me sexually again?*

 

(1:52p) *“I can only cum if you’re wearing a clown nose and using jello as lubricant.”*

 

(1:55p) -ty 4 tht mental image-

 

(1:55p) -also he dsnt seem the type 2 care if u get off or not-

 

(1:56p) -i h8 this conversation btw-

 

(1:59p) *I know, but you make very valid points, that’s why I need you.*

 

(2:02p) -u thnk hes gna try n u kno?-

 

(2:05p) *Get in my pants?*

 

(2:09p) -ya-

 

(2:11p) *Idk, is the sky blue?*

 

(2:19p) - :/ -

 

(2:25p) *It’ll be fine. I’m driving myself and I’m not going home with him. Dinner, movie, end of date.*

 

(2:25p) *Plus both you and Michonne will know where I am. I got my bases covered.*

 

(2:32p) -if u say so-

 

(2:32p) -txt me whn u cn-

 

(2:34p) *Of course.*

 

(2:35p) *You got any other ideas on how to repel him?*

 

(2:41p) -tell him ur poor-

 

(2:42p) *Lol! So simple but probably the best one yet.*

 

(2:42p) *Too bad he’d probably tell everyone in the entire school. Not that it super matters, but talk about money leads to talk about why I have none and that’s all much too close for comfort to the whole mom situation.*

 

(2:46p) -i get it-

 

(2:50p) *Time to go home and try and figure out an outfit that is acceptable enough to trick my dad into thinking I’m taking this seriously, but ugly enough to make Ed rethink my desirability.*

 

(2:52p) -gud luck-

 

(2:52p) -keep me updated-

 

(2:59p) *I will.*

 

(3:00p) *Ttys.*

 

(3:00p) -bye-

 

—-

 

(3:42p) ~dude! what the flying fuck?!~

 

(3:43p) ~is carol seriously going on a date with ed peletier tonight?~

 

(3:47p) >That’s what I heard, too. I thought she hated him, what gives?<

 

(3:59p) ~daryl?~

 

(4:09p) -its her business im not gna tlk abt it behind her back-

 

(4:13p) ~i don’t get it though???~

 

(4:16p) >I don’t get it either, and I’m worried about it. I don’t trust that guy as far as I can throw him.<

 

(4:18p) -yeah me either-

 

(4:19p) -but she can take care of herself-

 

(4:23p) ~are you okay about it, though? this throws a really weird wrench into everything.~

 

(4:25p) -im fine-

 

(4:25p) -rly its fine-

 

(4:28p) ~ :/ ~

 

(4:29p) ~alright ig.~

 

(4:30p) >If you say so, dude…<

 

—-

 

(6:09p) *Update from the bathroom I’m briefly hiding out in.*

 

(6:10p) *He legit ordered me a salad without asking what I wanted to eat, because “I just figured you’d be watching your weight.”*

 

(6:10p) *Like excuse the fuck out of me, is there something wrong with my weight? Fuck you, I’m gonna gain thirty pounds just to spite you.* 

 

(6:11p) -we’ll get glenn to bring us a ton of pizza n we’ll just do nthn but eat it n watch 30 rock-

 

(6:11p) *God you have /no/ idea how much better that sounds than this.*

 

(6:12p) *Are you busy Sunday? If not I’m coming over and we’re gonna finish season 4.*

 

(6:12p) -works 4 me-

 

(6:13p) *K, I gotta go back or he’s gonna get suspicious.*

 

(6:13p) -later-

 

(7:34p) *Update from the theater while I wait for him to get done buying himself a ton of quality snacks and probably getting me carrots or some shit.*

 

(7:34p) *I mentioned that it’s more fun to sneak food in, and he said that was stupid.*

 

(7:35p) -hes just mad bc no 1 is better thn u @ sneaking food into theaters-

 

(7:35p) *That’s true, they aren’t.* 

 

(7:35p) *We walked over here from the restaurant and he tried to hold my hand and when he got offended that I wouldn’t I told him I have a syndrome that makes my palms constantly sweaty.*

 

(7:36p) -lol nice-

 

(7:36p) *Hopefully it will prevent him from trying to grab my hand during the movie.*

 

(7:36p) *Which, by the way, is some action film that got like a star and a half, but we had to go see it because idk, he likes big guns and car chases because he’s overcompensating or something.*

 

(7:37p) -wuts playing @ the $5 theater?-

 

(7:37p) *I actually checked earlier to see what I was missing. It’s The Little Mermaid 2, Pretty Woman, and that documentary about Banksy.*

 

(7:37p) -tht place is weird af-

 

(7:38p) *Lol right? But think of how much fun could be had sneaking food into The Little Mermaid 2?*

 

(7:38p) -missed opportunity-

 

(7:39p) *Fuck he’s back. I’ll message you when I get home.*

 

(7:39p) -k enjoy the movie-

 

(7:39p) *I probably will not. :) *

 

(11:36p) -u ok?-

 

(11:59p) *I’m home now.*

 

(12:00a) -howd the rest of the date go?-

 

(12:03a) *Eh I’m tired, I’ll tell you more later.*

 

(12:04a) *Goodnight.*

 

(12:05a) -um?-

 

(12:06a) -nite ig-

 

—-

 

_ Saturday _

 

(8:23a) -u up?-

 

(8:42a) *Yeah, headed to work though, ttyl.*

 

(1:09p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(1:17p) *Cute.*

 

(2:02p) -k wuts wrong?-

 

(2:34p) *Nothing?*

 

(2:36p) -bullshit-

 

(2:37p) -did smthn happen last nite?-

 

(2:42p) *Daryl, I’m fine.*

 

(2:43p) -he didnt like-

 

(2:43p) -force u 2 do anything rite?-

 

(2:49p) *No, he didn’t.*

 

(2:50p) -k-

 

(2:50p) -ud tell me tell me tho rite?-

 

(2:51p) -ud trust me?-

 

(2:54p) *Nothing happened, Daryl!*

 

(2:55p) -ok sry-

 

(3:02p) *It’s fine. Listen, I got to do a lot with mom today, so I’ll probably just talk to you tomorrow.*

 

(3:03p) -k-

 

(3:04p) -ttyl-

 

—-

 

_ Sunday _

 

(9:19a) -r we tlkng now?-

 

(9:24a) *Yes. We never stopped.*

 

(9:26a) -if u say so-

 

(9:27a) -u still wna come ovr?-

 

(9:32a) *Idk, I still have a lot of homework to do tonight.*

 

(9:35a) -carol, are you sure you’re ok?-

 

(9:37a) *Wtf, you could type like a normal, literate person this whole time???*

 

(9:38a) -ya but its easier not 2-

 

(9:38a) -but i thot it mite make u actually tlk 2 me-

 

(9:42a) *Uggggghhh.*

 

(9:42a) *Fine, I’ll come over after work.*

 

(9:44a) -u dnt have 2 but i just wna kno ur ok-

 

(9:47a) *No, I will. I’m off at two. I’ll be by after.*

 

(9:48a) -k-

 

—-

 

(2:29p) *Ok, I’m at your place, but before I come in, you have to promise me something.*

 

(2:30p) -k wut?-

 

(2:30p) *You can’t freak out.* 

 

(2:31p) -?-

 

(2:31p) -freak out abt wut?-

 

(2:32p) *Just promise.*

 

(2:32p) -...promise-

 

(2:32p) -ig-

 

Daryl gets up off the couch and goes to open the door for her. He watches her pause to give Henry scratches, before heading towards his front steps, head bowed. She keeps her eyes trained on the ground all the way until she’s right in front of him, and then slowly lifts her head up, and mumbles a nervous, “Hey.”

 

“I’m gonna kill him,” is the first thing out of Daryl’s mouth.

 

“Daryl—” Carol starts, but he shakes his head.

 

“No, I swear to God, I’m gonna fucking kill him.” 

 

He lifts up his hand, slowly so as not to frighten her, and gently takes hold of her chin so he can examine her more closely. The skin under and around her right eye is a deep purple. It’s a well-formed bruise that has had time to form, and Daryl has no doubt in his mind about how she got it.

 

“You promised you wouldn’t freak out.”

 

“You didn’t tell me what I was promising to not freak out about,” Daryl says, fuming. “What happened? What’d he do?” he asks, dropping his hand and crossing his arms. She huffs out a sigh.

 

“Do we have to talk about it?” she asks. “I’m not going out with him again. I lied to dad about where the bruise came from, but I told him I had a horrible time, and he finally agreed that I wouldn’t have to keep seeing him.”

 

“Tell me what happened,” Daryl asks, and then, realizing the sharpness of his tone and his guarded pose, he lets his arms loose and softens his face, as he says, more gently, “Please?” 

 

“It was after the movie,” Carol relents. “He kept trying to feel me up during the entire thing, and I finally snapped on him, and I knew he was pissed about it, but then we walked back to our cars and there was no one around, and he asked me to ‘go for a drive’ with him, and I said no, I had to get home, and I guess that just pissed him off more.

 

“He started ranting about what a frigid bitch I was, and how I wasn’t even that hot, and I should be thankful that a guy like him even wants to fuck me, yada yada, and so I said that I’d rather join a nunnery than sleep with him.” She pauses and Daryl watches her warily. 

 

“Did he…?” he trails off.

 

“No,” she says resolutely. “I didn’t lie to you, he didn’t force me, but he tried to scare me. He shoved me up against my car and made some vague threats, and when I still refused to go with him, he got off me, threw a punch, spit at my shoes, and told me everyone at school was gonna hear on Monday about what a stupid whore I am. So that’s cool.”  

 

“Carol, I swear to God, I’m gonna make him beg for his fucking life.”

 

“No you’re not,” Carol says then with a steeled expression. “You aren’t going to do a damn thing. You’re going to lay around on the couch with me and do nothing productive for the rest of the afternoon, and then tomorrow you’re going to support me with whatever shitshow he decides to start, but you’re not going to get involved.”

 

Daryl sighs. They exchange a long look, and eventually he nods.

 

“‘Kay,” he says. “C’mere.” She gives a little noise of surprise as Daryl pulls her into a comforting embrace. He holds her there for a good long while, knowing exactly how it feels to crave gentle touch after being at the end of someone’s violent touch. 

 

“Thank you,” she mutters when they finally pull apart. She glances over her shoulder at Henry, who’s watching them, looking annoyed that he’s not invited to the love fest. “Will you let him watch TV with us?” Carol asks. Daryl huffs a laugh. 

 

“‘Course,” he says. “He’d never let me hear the end of it if I didn’t.”

 

—-

 

_ Monday _

 

Daryl tries. 

 

He really does.

 

He spends all of Sunday evening not saying another word about the welt on her face, and on Monday he purposely ignores the thick foundation she’s applied to cover the bruise as best she can. He does what she asks for as long as he can, but he has a line, and after school, as he’s walking to his bike, Ed Peletier steps right over it.

 

“No, I’m telling you, it was the worst lay of my life. She fucks like a dead fish.” Daryl hears Ed’s voice and turns to find him standing in a small huddle with a few of his equally shitty friends.

 

“That sucks, man, I always thought Miller was hot.”

 

“I thought so too, but it’s just the trick of the eye. She’s definitely put on the pounds since the season ended. Too much holiday ham, you know,” Ed laughs, elbowing one of the guys to his right. Daryl sees red.

 

“The fuck are you talking about?” he calls out, before he has time to think better of it. Ed and his group of douchebags all turn to face him.

 

“What’d you say, Dixon?” Ed asks, looking Daryl up and down like he’s some kind of slug.

 

“I asked what the fuck you’re talking about, because I know you’re not talking about Carol.” 

 

“Oh I get it,” Ed says. “So you’re pissed because I got Carol in bed after one night, after she wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole after knowing you for months, right?”

 

“No,” Daryl says, stalking over to Ed. “I’m pissed because you punched my best friend in the face because she wouldn’t fuck you.” 

 

Ed’s friends exchange a few quick glances, and Ed goes, “pfft,” and shakes his head in disbelief.

 

“Look, man, I don’t know what kind of bullshit story she told you to spare your feelings, but I’m sorry to tell you she lied. Don’t feel too bad, though, I was just telling these guys that she wasn’t worth the trouble. For such an easy slut I figured she’d at least be good at it.”

 

That tears it for Daryl. He gets up directly into Ed’s face. His friends scatter out of their little huddle like mice as Daryl backs Ed up into the wall. 

 

“Say that again,” Daryl whispers. Ed laughs a little, but Daryl can see a flash of nervousness cross his eyes. “Go on, call her that again.”

 

“Dixon, man, get yourself a hobby, this girl is not worth it.”

 

“She’s worth the world and then some, and you’re just some piece of shit who thinks he’s worth a damn ‘cause he’s got money. Well I’ll tell you what, I ain’t scared of you.” He pushes Ed’s shoulders a little. “You scared of me?”

 

“Daryl, let it go, man,” comes a voice to Daryl’s right. He glances over to see Rick, Glenn, and Shane all watching him warily. In fact, a whole crowd of people seems to have gathered while his back was turned. Daryl considers the command. He takes a step away from Ed. The action seems to revitalize some of Ed’s confidence. He says, so only Daryl can hear,

 

“Listen to your handler, Dixon, and stop obsessing over some bitch who is never gonna give a damn about you.”

 

It’s the last straw. Daryl throws a punch. And then another. And other for good measure. His peers make noise around him, sucked in by the entertainment he’s providing. At one point, Rick tries grabbing hold of his elbow, but he pulls it away to deliver another punch. Ed doesn’t have a chance to fight back amidst Daryl’s rage. He’s bleeding from the nose, but it still doesn’t seem like enough.

 

“ _ Daryl _ ,” comes the only voice he could possibly hear right now. “ _ Stop it _ .”

 

His arm stills, mid-air, as though an emergency brake was pulled on it. He follows the sound of her voice and finds her standing to his left, the crowd parted on either side of her, all of them watching her with wide eyes. Daryl has never seen her so angry. She shakes her head at him, seemingly lost for words, and turns on her heel.

 

Daryl’s interest in the fight is lost instantaneously. He leaves Ed’s friends to deal with the bloodied remnants he left behind, in favor of running after her.

 

He catches up with her near the tree. 

 

“Carol,” he says. She stops and looks at him expectantly, but he finds he doesn’t know what else to say.

 

“I asked you not to,” she says. “I  _ explicitly  _ asked you not to get involved.”

 

“I wasn’t gonna,” Daryl insists. “But the shit he was sayin’ about you—”

 

“We already knew he was going to say shit about me, Daryl! That shouldn’t have been a surprise.” She looks about ready to start throwing punches herself. 

 

“I’m sorry—” he starts, but she cuts him off again, raising her hand. 

 

“No, stop, I don’t want to hear it. This is not some fucking damsel in distress story, where you get to be the knight coming in to save me.  _ I don’t need to be saved _ . This was my shit to deal with, and you were supposed to support me while I dealt with it, not turn it into some playground fistfight in my honor. I needed a friend, Daryl, not a fucking martyr.”

 

“I know, but—”

 

“And now everybody knows what I wanted to keep to myself, and that’s your fault. I would have rather dealt with the rumors than people knowing what really happened, but it’s ruined now, and you did that to me, Daryl, not him.”

 

“Carol—”

 

“No, I don’t want to hear what you have to say right now, I’m too angry. In fact, don’t message me for a while. I think we need a break for a bit.”

 

“Carol…” but this time she doesn’t interrupt him, he just doesn’t have a rebuttal. He stares at the ground, awash with guilt, and nods. He startles when she takes hold of his hand, but it’s not to comfort him. She’s examining his knuckles.

 

“You should put some ice on that. It’s gonna hurt something awful.”

 

“‘Kay,” he mutters.

 

“You know what your fist reminds me of right now?” she asks him.

 

“No, what?” he asks. She drops his hand like a weight, and just before she stalks away from him, she gives him a humorless smile.

 

“His.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for discussions of rape/non-con (no explicit rape/non-con tho) & domestic violence
> 
> side note: 
> 
> i work as a domestic violence advocate, so i would be amiss to not bring up my personal views on carol's relationship with ed. my concerns are that the way it's portrayed in this story invalidates canon!carol's experiences, like i'm saying the only way she could have ended up with someone like ed is if she was forced to. i don't think that at all, and i don't want anyone who has experienced or is currently experiencing a dv relationship to feel like i don't understand the complexities that go into an abusive relationship. this is also daryl's pov, and that needs to be taken into account. if it were from carol's i think there'd be a lot more explicit detail on why it's not cool to confront someone else's abuser. for the record, if you're ever in a situation like that, don't do it. that is not the way to handle it. i'm not gonna soapbox/lecture about domestic violence (i could do a whole training on it, lbr), but i just was really worried that someone would read this and feel like i was misinterpreting the dynamics of abuse, and therefore invalidating their personal experiences. that is not my aim, nor will it ever be, and if you ever need to reach out about domestic violence, you know who to call.
> 
> now side note about the actual story: 
> 
> things will get a little angstier from here, as just like, a warning. there are a few plot lines that are gonna get heavy, but don't worry, there will still be plenty of banter to break it up a little. i'll throw cw in the end notes for people who need them, but otherwise i'm just gonna keep truckin' on. 
> 
> as always, thanks for reading, i love you all, your comments make my life, and i'll see you all on sunday.
> 
> deuces,  
> -diz


	19. Chapter 19

_ Monday _

 

(6:57p) -i fuked up-

 

(7:03p) ~dude, what the fuck was that even?~

 

(7:05p) -i fuked up n carol is nvr gna tlk 2 me again-

 

(7:09p) >People are saying that Ed beat up Carol during their date on Friday and that's why you went in on him.<

 

(7:11p) -tell ppl 2 mind their business its bad enuf already w/out ppl running their mouths-

 

(7:13p) ~did he though? hit her, i mean? 'cause if he did then i don't blame you for what you did.~

 

(7:16p) -ya well carol does-

 

(7:16p) -shes pissed as all get out-

 

(7:17p) -told me not 2 msg her 4 a while-

 

(7:19p) >How long's a while?<

 

(7:22p) -idk prob 4ever-

 

(7:23p) ~how can she be mad at you for standing up for her?~

 

(7:26p) -she didnt wnt me involved ig-

 

(7:29p) >I'm sure she'll come around. You guys are too close to lose it all over this.<

 

(7:30p) >Did anything happen after? I mean, did you get in trouble? Ed was looking in pretty bad shape. I can't imagine that went over well with his parents.<

 

(7:34p) -im suspended til next mon-

 

(7:35p) -i thnk they wanted 2 just give me detention since it was provoked n it was after skool got out but eds mom threw a fukin tantrum n it was the only way to shut her up-

 

(7:37p) ~did you tell them what he did to carol? and what he was saying about her?~

 

(7:40p) -ya-

 

(7:40p) -his dad said itd b “ill advised” 2 trust me given “tht boys family history”-

 

(7:42p) >What the fuck was that supposed to mean?<

 

(7:43p) -u kno wut it means-

 

(7:45p) ~his parents don't know you at all, though, they can't make accusations based on rumors.~

 

(7:48p) -lol ofc they can-

 

(7:48p) -thts how it works glenn-

 

(7:50p) >This is all such a clusterfuck. I still don't understand why she went out with him in the first place? Does she actually like him?<

 

(7:53p) -she had her reasons-

 

(7:53p) -just like she had her reasons 4 me not getting involved-

 

(7:54p) -ugh-

 

(7:54p) -this is stupid im stupid evrythng is stupid-

 

(7:56p) ~we’ll figure out a way to fix this, buddy.~

 

(7:59p) >Yeah, I don't think you're the one in the wrong here.<

 

(8:01p) -its not tht simple-

 

(8:03p) ~it doesn't matter. we're gonna give you the hernia you need to fix it.~

 

(8:05p) -plz dnt-

 

(8:06p) ~not hernia, *help. unless a hernia is what you need, but i doubt it.~

 

(8:07p) -me2-

 

(8:08p) >So we've established hernias won't work.<

 

(8:09p) >But we'll figure out a plan B, don't worry, brother.<

 

(8:11p) ~we got your bacterial meningitis, daryl.~

 

(8:11p) ~oh for the love of fucking god.~

 

—-

 

_ Tuesday _

 

(9:56a) ~she message you at all?~

 

(10:27a) -no-

 

(10:27a) -rick wuts the hwrk 4 english?-

 

(10:34a) >Just finish those Poe readings she assigned, we're doing those all this week.<

 

(10:35a) >You picked a good time to get suspended, btw, she made us take turns reading The Raven out loud. You would have hated it.<

 

(10:41a) -silver lining ig-

 

(12:06p) ~carol isn't at lunch today.~

 

(12:08p) >She was in class earlier so she's at school today. I think she's avoiding us.<

 

(12:39p) -shes prob @ the tree-

 

(12:42p) >What tree?<

 

(12:45p) -dsnt matter nvm-

 

(1:51p) ~she was in history but totally wouldn't even look me in the eye. definitely avoiding us.~

 

(2:02p) -u dnt have 2 keep telling me wut shes doing-

 

(2:03p) -if she wnted me 2 kno shed tell me-

 

(2:05p) -im turning my fone off 4 a bit i'll ttyl-

 

—-

 

_ Wednesday _

 

(draft) -im sry can i do smthn to make it up 2 u?-

 

- _ delete _ -

 

(draft) -im rly rly sry-

 

- _ delete _ -

 

(draft) -i am really sorry-

 

- _ delete _ -

 

(draft) -i get y ur mad but if we nvr tlk again i only have glenn n rick 4ever can u imagine?-

 

- _ delete _ -

 

(draft) -he deserved it u kno he shud rot 4 hurting u-

 

- _ delete _ -

 

(draft) -its not tht i dont thnk u can take care of urself i just cudnt handle hearing him tlk abt u like tht-

 

- _ delete _ -

 

(draft) -i got a gud pic of henry but i cnt show u bc we're not tlking-

 

- _ delete _ -

 

(draft) -ive seen 11:11 twice since our fite n both times i wished 4 u to plz tlk 2 me again even if its just so i can say bye-

 

- _ delete _ -

 

(draft) -ive basically done nthn but look @ those pics of u on my fone u r rly pretty lol i am soooo not telling u tht delete delete delete-

 

- _ delete _ -

 

(draft) -god im pathetic no wonder u dropped me-

 

- _ delete _ -

 

(draft) -i miss u-

 

- _ delete _ -

 

—-

 

_ Thursday _

 

(12:10p) >Daryl.<

 

(12:10p) >You can go your own way.<

 

(12:11p) ~(go your own way)~

 

(12:11p) >You can call it another lonely day.<

 

(12:11p) >You can go your own way.<

 

(12:12p) ~(go your own way)~

 

(12:34p) -wth?-

 

(12:35p) -i thot fleetwood mac wasnt allowed in the grp chat-

 

(12:36p) ~it wasn't but rick and i figured it might be the only way to get you to acknowledge us again.~

 

(12:36p) >Yeah, it's been well over a day. Desperate times = desperate measures.<

 

(12:37p) > _ grp project rick changed the group name to “/Some/ Stevie Nicks Allowed” _ <

 

(12:39p) -u guys r idiots-

 

(12:40p) ~had to make sure you were still alive and/or not wallowing in your own sadness.~

 

(12:41p) >/Are/ you wallowing in your own sadness?<

 

(12:43p) -wut counts as wallowing?-

 

(12:44p) ~when did you last shower?~

 

(12:45p) -idr-

 

(12:45p) >What have you eaten today?<

 

(12:46p) -stale oreos-

 

(12:47p) ~how much tv have you watched?~

 

(12:48p) -idk like 2 seasons of futurama n a shitton of true crime shows-

 

(12:49p) >You're wallowing.<

 

(12:49p) ~big time.~

 

(12:50p) -no im just bored-

 

(12:51p) ~so it has nothing to do with carol at all?~

 

(12:52p) - :/ -

 

(12:52p) -go away-

 

(12:57p) >Glenn is spending the night tomorrow. You're coming too.<

 

(12:58p) -says who?-

 

(12:59p) ~says us.~

 

(1:00p) >Parents are in Atlanta for the weekend, so you don't have to worry about having to interact with them. It'll just be me and Glenn.<

 

(1:03p) -i cant i have henry-

 

(1:07p) >Bring him. Carl is good with other dogs.<

 

(1:11p) - :/ -

 

(1:14p) >So it's settled. We'll see you at six tomorrow night.<

 

(1:22p) - :/ -

 

(1:26p) >You don't get to say no. You're getting out of your own head and doing pointless shit with us.<

 

(1:37p) -ugh-

 

(1:37p) -fine-

 

(1:42p) >Good.<

 

(1:51p) ~i’ll bring pizza.~

 

(1:54p) -u always bring pizza-

 

(1:57p) ~employee discount, hoe.~

 

(1:57p) ~see you tomorrow!~

 

(2:01p) -meeting u 2 was the worst thng thts ever happened 2 me-

 

(2:04p) >Love you too, buddy.<

 

(2:06p) ~ <3 <3 <3 ~

 

(2:09p) - :/ -

 

(2:09p) -bye-

 

—-

 

(6:19p) +Hey.+

 

(6:31p) -hi? who is this?-

 

(6:32p) -if this is another guy tryin 2 send a dick pic i will tell u now tht she gave u the wrong #-

 

(6:33p) +Yeah, no, it's Michonne, but apparently you've been through some shit.+

 

(6:36p) -dnt ask-

 

(6:37p) -howd u get my #?-

 

(6:39p) +Stole it from Carol's phone, obviously. She's had the same passcode for three years.+

 

(6:44p) -k well wut do u wnt?-

 

(6:49p) +For you to fix this.+

 

(6:53p) -fix wut?-

 

(6:57p) +This dumb shit between you and her. It's getting ridiculous.+

 

(7:01p) -tf am i sposed to do abt it?-

 

(7:01p) -shes the 1 who dsnt wnt 2 tlk 2 me-

 

(7:05p) +Wrong.+

 

(7:09p) -?-

 

(7:13p) +Look at this conversation I had with her just today: +

 

(7:14p) + [ _ screenshots _ ]

 

+You have been walking around like someone died this whole week.+

 

*Sorry I'm not shitting roses, but you may have noticed that everything is kind of bullshit rn.*

 

+Fuck Ed, Carol. Everyone is way more disgusted at him than pitying you.+

 

*It's not just Ed.*

 

+Oh my gaaaaawd.+

 

+Carol just talk to him!+

 

*I'm not ready to.*

 

+You are making this way more dramatic than it needs to be. You care about him, right?+

 

*Ofc.*

 

*That's the problem. I don't know how to manage being mad at like, my favorite person. How do I navigate that? He's so sensitive that I wanna be careful, but I also don't think it's fair for me to have to tone down my anger to make him more comfortable.*

 

+You could try, idk, communicating that to him?+

 

*What if I scare him away?*

 

+You're not doing any favors to your friendship by ignoring him rn.+

 

*Yeah, but like…*

 

*I'm the one who asked for the distance, so I'm the one who can close it. What if I talk to him and he distances himself from me instead and there's nothing I can do?*

 

+That's the tricky thing about relationships. You gotta give up needing to be in control and rely on trust instead.+

 

*Don't like that.*

 

+I know you don't. But it's true.+

 

[/ _ screenshots _ ] +

 

(7:42p) +Daryl?+

 

(7:46p) -u shudnt have shown me tht w/out asking her-

 

(7:47p) +Probably not, but you're both so stubborn something had to be done.+

 

(7:48p) +Will you please reach out to her now?+

 

(7:51p) -she said she wsnt rdy 2 tlk 2 me yet-

 

(7:53p) +Fucking fucks, is that seriously the only thing you got from those screenshots?+

 

(7:54p) +She misses you, Daryl!!!+

 

(7:57p) +At least think about messaging her, okay?+

 

(8:04p) -i'll thnk abt it-

 

(8:08p) +Thank you.+

 

(8:08p) +You stubborn motherfucker.+

 

—-

 

_ Friday _

 

“No way I’m drinking that,” says Daryl. He’s sitting on the linoleum of Rick’s kitchen floor, Carl sitting next to him, and Henry resting his head in his lap, eyeing Carl with suspicion, as if to say, “This is my human, so watch your back.” Rick is holding a bottle of Cinnabon flavored vodka, and Daryl and Glenn are looking at him in dismay.

 

“Look, it’s not like I have a fake ID, it’s the best I could get,” Rick argues.

 

“Don’t your parents have a liquor cabinet or something? Or hell, some fucking alcohol-based mouthwash would be better than that shit,” says Glenn.

 

“They the only thing in the house is my mom’s red wine, and she’ll definitely notice if we touch it.” 

 

“Where’d you even score that crap?” Daryl asks.

 

“Where do you think?” asks Rick. 

 

All at once, the three of them say, “Jesus.” 

 

“He said it was the only thing he had left until he restocks because he traded his good booze for some ecstasy and a giant Toblerone,” Rick explains. “Look, all we gotta do is figure out a good mixer and it’ll be fine.”

 

“The fuck would mix well with Cinnabon vodka?” asks Daryl. 

 

“I don’t know, which is why I got us some options.” Rick goes to his fridge, pulls out two paper grocery sacks, and begins taking out its contents one-by-one and sitting them on the counter. 

 

  * A classic Coke mixer
  * Cream soda
  * Orange juice
  * Apple cider
  * Coconut milk



 

“Exactly how much vodka are we going to drink?” Glenn asks apprehensively. “I’m telling you now, I’m a lightweight.”

 

“I ain’t really ever got lit before either,” Daryl says, waiting for them to act surprised, because how could a Dixon not be throwing back beers every night? Wasn’t that the assumption? But to their credit, neither Glenn nor Rick seem bothered or shocked.

 

“We’ll take it slow,” Rick assures them. “Though I do think we should all try a shot first, just to see what it tastes like by itself.” He reaches into a cabinet and pulls out a sleeve of plastic cups.

 

“Red solo cups? Really, Rick?” Glenn asks with a pained expression. 

 

“Shane brought them over last time he and I hung out on a weekend,” Rick says by way of explanation. He hands one to each of them, and then cracks open the vodka bottle. They all make noises of disgust.

 

“That smells like a tub of vanilla frosting got fucked in the ass by someone using rubbing alcohol as lube,” Daryl says, grimacing.

 

“And then they jizzed more vanilla extract,” Glenn adds. “You expect us to drink this?”

 

“Look, we all knew this would not be a quality booze. Now man up and hold out your solo cups so I can give you your flavored vodka,” Rick orders. Glenn and Daryl exchange a look, but hold out their cups anyway. Rick gives them what his best guess of how much a shot is, and then fills his own. They then all stare at each other, motionless. “On three?” Rick asks.

 

“I already am never spending the night with you fuckers ever again,” Daryl says. He waves a hand, telling Rick to get to the countdown.

 

“Okay. One...two...three.” 

 

They all throw back their shots, and the kitchen is immediately filled with the sounds of sputtering and gagging. Daryl is coughing, Glenn is retching, and Rick spits a little into the sink. Henry and Carl watch on in confusion.

 

“So,” Rick says once they’ve all recovered. “It’s not great on its own.”

 

“No shit,” Daryl says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever had straight hard liquor, and I have a feeling this was a terrible place to start,” Glenn says, frowning down at his cup like it is a personal affront. 

 

“Give me your cups, we’ll try it with the Coke.”

 

“Should we wait and see how we hold our liquor first?” Daryl asks. Rick shrugs.

 

“It was just one shot. One more shouldn’t hurt, right?”

 

“I feel like that might have been more than one shot. Do you have a shot glass so we can actually measure it out?” Glenn asks.

 

“I barely gave you any,” Rick insists, collecting their cups. “It’ll be fine,” he assures them, twisting off the cap on the Coke, the bottle letting out a hiss from the carbonation. He mixes the drinks and returns the cup. He holds out his like a salute. “Bottoms up?” 

 

Glenn and Daryl exchange yet another look, and shrug. 

 

“Bottoms up,” says Glenn, and Daryl nods along.

 

—-

 

“Do you guys believe we can find true love at our age?” Glenn asks. He’s laying on his back on the floor, his feet perpendicular to his body, propped up against the oven. “Hard no on the coconut milk, by the way,” he adds, continuing to drink his vodka and coconut milk mixture.

 

“I love Michonne,” Rick says, laying on the actual counter, one foot dangling off.

 

“Yeah, but is it  _ true _ love?” asks Glenn. “What do you think, Daryl?”   
  


Daryl is using an immensely tolerant Henry as a pillow, legs bent at the knee and rocking back and forth. He mumbles, “Don’t ask me ‘bout love; don’t know shit ‘bout love.”

 

“You love Carol, though,” Glenn argues, attempting to point at Daryl and pointing about a foot to his left instead.

 

“Nuh-uh. Not love, that’s a big word.” He holds his hands a good distance apart and says, “Like, this big a word.” 

 

“Only has one syllable,” Rick says from his counter. 

 

“Shut the fuck up,” Daryl mumbles. 

 

“You sound so extra southerny when you’re drunk,” Glenn says. He takes another sip of his drink and grimaces. “Wow, that’s bad.”

 

“We’re out of mixers to try,” says Rick.

 

“The only thing this shit would taste even a lil’ bit good in is some ice cream,” Daryl says, gently tugging on Carl’s ear. “Man, his ear is real big. Like,” he holds his hands apart to demonstrate again, “this big.”

 

“Fuck, dude,” Rick says, sitting up too fast and then steadying himself just before he goes toppling off the counter. “ _ Milkshakes _ .”

 

“Oh fuck,” says Glenn. “That is the most perfect idea that’s ever been thought of.” 

 

“If there ain’t no ice cream in this house Imma go lay in traffic,” says Daryl. 

 

“Same,” says Glenn.

 

“Hold on hold on hold on,” Rick says, getting to the floor in a way that can only be called a controlled fall. He stumbles to the freezer and rummages around inside it. “Boys, we get to live another day,” he says triumphantly, pulling out a carton of neapolitan ice cream.

 

“Why the fuck you have neapolitan ice cream? You ain’t poor,” Daryl says, furrowing his brow.

 

“Are only poor people allowed to eat neapolitan ice cream?” asks Glenn.

 

“Nah, but it’s real shitty so it’s real cheap so only poor people buy it.”

 

“I dunno, my mom likes chocolate, I like vanilla, and dad likes strawberry so it’s a compromise,” says Rick, trampling around his kitchen some more and gathering up supplies, like milk and a blender.

 

“Carol hates strawberry ice cream,” Daryl says. “You know what else she hates? Me.”

 

“She doesn’t hate you, she’s just like, kinda mad at you,” says Rick, trying to plug in the blender and missing four times. “She’ll get over it.”

 

“Just tell her you’re super in love with her,” says Glenn.

 

“Why do you keep using that word?” Daryl groans. “That word is for people with feelings and stuff.”

 

“Brother, you have so many feelings.” Rick scoops a bunch of ice cream into the blender.

 

“Wrong,” Daryl mutters, playing around with his phone. “I ain’t ever had a feeling in my life.” 

 

“What are you doing on your phone right now?” asks Glenn, scooting over to see Daryl’s screen. “Is that a picture of Carol?”

 

“Mind your business,” Daryl says, shoving Glenn’s face away from him. 

 

“How much vodka should I put in this?” Rick asks.

 

“All of it,” says Glenn.

 

“Should I text her?” asks Daryl.

 

“You’re not supposed to text when you’re drunk, isn’t that a rule?” Glenn says.

 

“I think I put too much vodka in this,” says Rick.

 

“Just put in more ice cream,” says Glenn.

 

“Imma text her,” says Daryl, and he opens up his messages.

 

(9:49p) -i am sorry for not listening to you and doing bad things you do not have to forgive me but i wanted you to know that i apologies no that is wrong apologiez no still wrong apologize there we go-

 

(9:50p) -also you are my favorite friend like the best one i have like you are my best friend-

 

(9:51p) -best is a good word for you you are the best at all the thnings whups no i mean things that is how that is spelled-

 

(9:52p) -how do you do that heart thing-

 

(9:52p) - >3 -

 

(9:52p) - ,3 -

 

(9:52p) - <3 -

 

(9:53p) -that one-

 

(10:01p) *Um. What the fuck is happening?*

 

(10:02p) -hello-

 

(10:04p) *Yes, hello, what the fuck is happening? Why are you typing so weird?*

 

(10:05p) -i am at ricks house and glenn is here and carl and also henry also i have had a lot of vodka-

 

(10:06p) *Ahhh, ok, this is drunk texting.*

 

(10:06p) *How tf are you the only person on the planet who spells /better/ when they’re drunk?*

 

(10:07p) -because i have to concentrate really hard or else i forget what letters mean-

 

(10:08p) -rick i think there is too much vodka in this milkshake-

 

(10:08p) -wait i meant to say that out loud not text it hold on-

 

(10:09p) -ok i said it out loud-

 

(10:10p) *Oh my god.*

 

(10:11p) -this week has been really dumb-

 

(10:13p) *Yeah, I agree.*

 

(10:14p) -we should talk like when we are around each other and not when we are on the phone and i am drink-

 

(10:14p) -dronk-

 

(10:14p) -drunk-

 

(10:15p) *Yeah, that would probably be a good idea.*

 

(10:16p) -you do not have to talk to me ever again after but i would like to talk to you one more time first at least if we could that would be cool-

 

(10:17p) *We can. I want to. Is your dad back in town yet?*

 

(10:18p) -nah-

 

(10:19p) *Want me to come over this weekend?*

 

(10:20p) -you can come over literally always-

 

(10:20p) -come over tomorrow-

 

(10:21p) -please-

 

(10:23p) *You sure you won’t be too hungover?*

 

(10:24p) -you are worth suffering for-

 

(10:25p) *Omg, you are so drunk. Go do your irl groupchat party and text me when you’re sober, ok?*

 

(10:26p) -ok bye you are important to me and things-

 

(10:27p) *You’re important to me too, Daryl. We’ll figure this out.*

 

(10:29p) - <3 -

 

—-

 

_ Saturday _

 

(9:53a) -i have thrown up-

 

(9:53a) -4 times-

 

(10:02a) *Color me shocked. How much vodka did you guys drink?*

 

(10:05a) -plz dnt say tht wrd i nvr wnt 2 drink it again-

 

(10:05a) -bt we killed almost a full bottle-

 

(10:07a) *Looks like hungover Daryl makes up for drunk Daryl’s proper spelling by being even worse than usual.*

 

(10:10a) -bc it hurts 2 look @ my fone-

 

(10:14a) *Lmao, should we postpone our thing for today?*

 

(10:15a) -no-

 

(10:16a) -i’ll b ok once i drink a gallon of water n take aspirin n mb throw up a couple more times-

 

(10:20a) *You sure?*

 

(10:22a) -ya just come l8r in the day so i cn try n look less dead-

 

(10:24a) *I can come over after work? 3ish?*

 

(10:25a) -tht works-

 

(10:29a) *Ok.*

 

(10:30a) *How are Rick and Glenn, by the way?*

 

(10:34a) -lol-

 

(10:34a) -rick vowed 2 go 2 church evry week 4 the rest of his life if his head stopped hurting n glenn accidentally threw up on carl-

 

(10:39a) *Damn you guys go hard.*

 

(10:41a) -nah tbh we’re just fukin lightweights-

 

(10:42a) -im gna go slp some of this off ok?-

 

(10:42a) -c u @ 3?-

 

(10:44a) *Yeah. Feel better.*

 

(10:45a) -thnx-

 

—-

 

Daryl sits nervously on his front step with Henry, waiting for Carol. It’s frustrating, being nervous, because he’d finally gotten to a point of total comfort around her, and now it seems they’ve taken who knows how many steps backwards. He also kind of wants to die, both because of the headache that still has yet to go away, and the drunk texts he’d sent her the night before. She hadn’t seemed upset over them, but he’s worried he crossed a line.

 

About five after three she pulls up his drive in her Chevy, and his belly does flip flops that he doesn’t think are due to his hangover. He lets Henry go greet her first, watching him race to her and jump up onto his hind legs to kiss her face. 

 

“Hey,” she says when Henry finally lets her approach him.

 

“Hey,” he says back. They pause, awkward tension in the air between them. The bruise around her eye is faded, but he can still see the different colors it’s morphed into in the time they’ve been apart.

 

“I brought you this,” Carol says, reaching into her bag and pulling out a bottle of Pepto Bismol. Daryl laughs a little and takes it with a murmured thanks. She gives him a tight smile and kicks the dirt at her feet a couple times. “Wanna go inside?” she asks.

 

He hadn’t been sure if she’d want to; he didn’t know how long she intended to stay. He nods quickly and gets up to kick in the door. Henry trots in first like he owns the place, and Daryl gestures for Carol to follow, with him pulling up the rear. She goes over and sits on the couch, watching him as he stands before her, chewing on a cuticle.

 

“Sit down, Daryl, I’m not gonna bite,” she says. He hesitates a moment before going over and taking the seat on the other side of the couch, careful not to get too close to her. The awkward tension has followed them inside, and neither one of them seems to know how to break it. Finally Daryl says,

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“I know,” she says, but Daryl shakes her head.

 

“No, I don’t mean sorry like I was right after it happened. I mean, I actually get it now, and I’m sorry.” Carol regards him.

 

“What do you get?” she asks.

 

“I was thinking,” he says, frowning down at his hands in his lap, “about if the roles were reversed. Like if you heard the way my daddy talks to me sometimes and decided to tell him off on my behalf. I’d be livid. Plus it wouldn’t do a damn thing but piss him off more, and he’d take it all out on me. I didn’t handle it right, I know that, and I’m sorry.” He hazards a glance up at Carol, who is playing with a strand of her hair, looking thoughtful. She nods at him.

 

“That’s definitely part of it,” she agrees. “And I’m glad you see it, but the other part? The other part was just that...I don’t know, Daryl, you scared me.”

 

“How do you mean?” 

 

“I mean...That night with him, he used his strength against me. It didn’t matter how much I told him off, he had the physical upperhand, and if he had wanted to do more? I couldn’t have stopped him, Daryl, I really lucked out in a lot of ways.

 

“And I guess, seeing you go in on him like that just reminded me of that strength that he had over me. I don’t mean to say that I think you’d ever put your hands on me, but when I think about you, I think about the guy who crushed up Reese’s cups into ice cream with me and watched Lifetime movies, or the guy who found a stray dog and immediately took him home, so it was  _ so _ off-putting to think of you as the type of person who could...I don’t know, be like him; to hit, and fight, and be violent. I don’t want you to be that person.”

 

Daryl is quiet for a long time, and Carol let’s him.

 

“I scared you?” he asks finally.

 

“I guess,” Carol says, shrugging sheepishly. “I mean, yeah, a little.” Dary's heart drops.

 

“I never meant to scare you,” he mumbles. “That’s the last thing I meant to do.” 

 

“Like I said, I know you’d never do what he did, but—”

 

“No,” Daryl says, cutting her off. “It doesn’t matter. I fought him because he made me mad and I didn’t stop to think about nothin’ else, and then I did the worst thing I coulda done: I scared you.”

 

“Daryl, it was only for a minute. Don’t get stuck on that detail.”

 

He looks her straight in the eye and says, “I know what it feels like to be scared of someone like that.” Her face falls as she puts together what he’s saying. “I don’t never want to do that to someone else,” he mumbles. “I don’t want to be like him.” And they both know the “him” he’s talking about now is not Ed.

 

“You’re not him, Daryl,” Carol says softly. Daryl breathes out a long string of breath through pursed lips.

 

“I gotta show you somethin’,” he says finally. 

 

“What?” she asks. In response, Daryl ducks his chin down so he can’t see her at all, because otherwise he'll lose his nerve, and begins undoing the buttons on his flannel. Carol’s hand grabs hold of his wrist immediately, and he hears her say, “Daryl, sweetheart, that’s not the type of apology I came here for. You don’t have to do that.”

 

He doesn’t respond; simply tugs his wrist gently out of her grasp and continues unbuttoning his shirt. He gets to the last one and swallows hard. Like ripping off a bandaid, he pushes his shirt off his shoulders, off his arms, and lets it fall in a heap behind him. Slowly, slowly, slowly he turns to let her see the lattice work on his back. She doesn’t make a sound.

 

“That’s what I know,” he mumbles, his whole body trembling. “This is how I been taught to deal with anger. I don’t wanna, though, Carol, I don’t wanna be this for anyone else, ‘specially not you.” 

 

He jumps when her cool hands find his shoulder blades. They slide forward until she’s hugging him fully from behind. He feels her lips press against the scarred skin, like she’s trying to heal it. He just hangs his head and lets her hold him.

 

“You won’t be like them,” she says in his ear. “Not like either of them.” She pulls away and hands him his shirt. He shrugs it back on quickly, covering his biggest secret up once again. He finally faces her, and she pushes his hair back and kisses his forehead. She burrows herself under his arm, against his side, and rests her head against his collarbone. He’s sure she can hear his heart going a million miles an hour. 

 

“I meant it,” he says quietly. “That you’re my best friend.”

 

“You’re mine too,” she says. He's surprised.

 

“What about Michonne? Or any of the others?”

 

“They’re great, but they don’t know me. You know me. In fact, I think we might know each other.”

 

“Yeah,” Daryl says, rubbing a hand up and down her arm. “I think we might.”

 

Her whole body is curled up against him; he can smell her shampoo. The moment is so intimate he could almost tell her that—

 

“Augh!” Carol shrieks as Henry chooses that moment to protest being left out of the lovefest. Daryl watches, disappointed but honestly a little relieved, as Carol laughs at Henry jumping all over her, before finally resting his head down on her lap, tail thumping hard against the couch cushion.

 

“Henry missed you,” Daryl says. 

 

“Henry did, huh?” Carol asks, smirking.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Well,” she says, looking away from Henry to meet Daryl’s eye. “ _ I  _ missed  _ you _ .” 

 

Daryl goes crimson. He mutters,

 

“I missed you, too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol, so i said angst is coming, and it is, but ig i didn't rly mean this chapter. this chapter ended up being way more adorable than i expected. i don't even care how any of you feel about it, i live and breathe for Team Groupchat.
> 
> anyways, that's all i got for y'all today. c u thursday~~~
> 
> -diz


	20. Chapter 20

_ Sunday _

 

(1:50p) -glenn-

 

(1:50p) -y did u say tht?-

 

(1:56p) >Dude, you tell us you're meeting up with Carol and then you go all radio silence for a day? Did you guys figure it out?<

 

(1:59p) -ya we're fine now. glenn y did u say tht?-

 

(2:03p) >That's all we get? Typical.<

 

(2:04p) ~for real, give us details. also you're gonna have to be more specific, i don't know what you're talking about.~

 

(2:06p) -thng u said whn we were drunk-

 

(2:09p) >Ugh, don't talk about alcohol, I still haven't recovered.<

 

(2:10p) ~same. and which thing, daryl? i said a lot of stuff. are you talking about my rant about giraffes?~

 

(2:12p) -i am not-

 

(2:13p) >I still don't get your thing about giraffes, tbh.<

 

(2:15p) ~listen. their body proportions do not make sense. have you ever really looked at a giraffe? they're freaks of nature.~

 

(2:16p) >You're a freak of nature.<

 

(2:17p) -im not tlkng abt the giraffe thng jfc-

 

(2:19p) ~which thing, then?~

 

(2:21p) -um-

 

(2:21p) -k fuck it-

 

(2:22p) -whn u said i love carol-

 

(2:22p) -or w/e-

 

(2:22p) -actually nvm-

 

(2:24p) >Nonononono we're here now, we're talking about it.<

 

(2:25p) ~!!!!!~

 

(2:26p) -i changed my mind i dnt wna tlk abt it u were just drunk lets tlk abt giraffes-

 

(2:27p) ~are you in love with carol, daryl??~

 

(2:31p) >He's not replying, I think that means yes.<

 

(2:32p) -no it dsnt-

 

(2:32p) -i just like-

 

(2:33p) -y did u say tht?-

 

(2:33p) -u were just fukin around rite? im not even dating her-

 

(2:35p) >Personally I don't think dating someone is a prerequisite to being in love with them.<

 

(2:35p) >Like in situations where two people are really close and share everything with each other and text each other constantly and go see Titanic together but then are just too stubborn or insecure to bridge the gap between being platonic vs being romantic.<

 

(2:36p) >(You and Carol. I'm talking about you and Carol, if that isn't clear.)<

 

(2:38p) -ya i got tht-

 

(2:39p) -idk how 2 tell the difference btwn feelings-

 

(2:39p) -btwn most feelings tbh-

 

(2:40p) ~the first step is admitting you have a problem.~

 

(2:41p) >Is this a motorcycle? Are you asking for help?<

 

(2:46p) -idk mb?-

 

(2:47p) -ig it dsnt rly make a difference-

 

(2:50p) >Yeah, but clearly it's bothering you.<

 

(2:52p) -ugh-

 

(2:55p) ~talk to us. we won't make fun of you, at least not until later when you're being an asshole.~

 

(2:57p) -ur rly bold 4 someone who has no upper body strength n cant turn off autocorrect-

 

(2:58p) ~remember when you drunk texted carol a bunch of hearts?~

 

(2:59p) >Both of you chill.<

 

(3:00p) >Daryl, maybe it would help if you explain how Carol makes you feel, and then we can tell you if it sounds more like a crush or, you know, more than that.<

 

(3:01p) ~like luuuurrrvvv. <3 <3 <3~

 

(3:02p) >You are not helping.<

 

(3:04p) -lol u wnt me 2 explain my feelings?-

 

(3:04p) -like w/ words?-

 

(3:04p) -have u met me?-

 

(3:07p) >Just try. Like, when you think about Carol, what immediately pops into your head? How does thinking about her make you feel physically?<

 

(3:08p) ~boners.~

 

(3:08p) >I meant more like butterflies, but thanks for that, Glenn.<

 

(3:09p) >Anyway, it doesn't have to be elaborate, just give us something to work with.<

 

(3:19p) ~did we lose you?~

 

(3:20p) -no im thinking-

 

(3:22p) >You missed the part where you were supposed to go with your gut reaction. Just say the first thing that comes to mind.<

 

(3:25p) -soup-

 

(2:27p) ~what?~

 

(2:28p) >...Okay, give us a little bit more.<

 

(2:31p) -i wnt 2 make her soup-

 

(2:32p) ~ok i'm lost.~

 

(2:33p) -no like-

 

(2:33p) -not literally-

 

(2:34p) -but this one time she made me soup whn i felt bad n it was the nicest thng anyone had ever done 4 me n so whn i thnk abt her i wnt 2 make her feel like i did whn she made me soup-

 

(2:36p) ~that is... surprisingly adorable.~

 

(2:37p) >So you want to make her happy?<

 

(2:39p) -ig but thts not the rite word-

 

(2:40p) -like-

 

(2:40p) -idfk-

 

(2:40p) -safe? is safe an emotion? i wnt her 2 feel safe-

 

(2:41p) -n smthn else but idk the name-

 

(2:41p) -w/e it was i felt tht time-

 

(2:43p) >...Loved?<

 

(2:44p) ~oh snap! is that it, daryl?~

 

(2:49p) - :/ -

 

(2:50p) -fuck-

 

(2:52p) >I think you might have your answer, brother.<

 

(2:52p) >Maybe you're not full-blown, head-over-heels with her, but it's definitely headed that way.<

 

(2:53p) ~omg you’re in love with carol.~

 

(2:54p) ~and yet i /still/ have to keep this a secret.~

 

(2:54p) ~will you please just tell her how you feel?~

 

(2:59p) -idk how i rly dnt-

 

(3:00p) -n idk if i even shud-

 

(3:00p) -not now so soon after she stopped being mad @ me-

 

(3:02p) ~i have the best idea.~

 

(3:03p) -no u dnt-

 

(3:03p) >Shut up in advance, Glenn.<

 

(3:04p) ~make her soup.~

 

(3:04p) ~alphabet soup.~

 

(3:05p) -jfc stop-

 

(3:06p) ~spell out “i love you”.~

 

(3:06p) -fuk. off.-

 

(3:07p) ~and then have sex with her.~

 

(3:08p) - _ you blocked dumbass _ -

 

(3:09p) >It's been a while since you blocked Glenn from the groupchat.<

 

(3:10p) -figured it was time-

 

(3:11p) >You could make her soup, you know? Hide a ring in it…<

 

(3:12p) - _ you blocked grp prjct rick _ -

 

(3:13p) -fuk u both-

 

—-

 

_ Monday _

 

(7:46a) *Good morning! Being able to talk to you again almost makes me forget that it's a four espresso shot day. :)))))*

 

(7:47a) *Enjoy our conversation while it lasts bc I'm pretty sure my heart is eventually going to achieve its dream of being an astronaut by beating so hard it propels out of my chest and into the sun.*

 

(7:49a) -plz dnt die-

 

(7:49a) -ur the only one henry behaves 4-

 

(7:50a) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(7:50a) -this is wut he did b4 i left 2day-

 

(7:51a) *What am I looking at? That's just an empty bread wrapper.*

 

(7:53a) -ya exactly-

 

(7:53a) -there was a full loaf in it 10 min b4 i took tht pic-

 

(7:55a) *Pffffft*

 

(7:55a) *I love him.*

 

(7:56a) -dnt he dsnt deserve it-

 

(7:59a) *He's my son.*

 

(8:03a) -he is n idek how tht happened-

 

(8:04a) -he basically tells me 2 fuk off if he even thinks ur nearby-

 

(8:07a) *Jealous? :p *

 

(8:10a) -nah hes just a gud judge of character-

 

(8:13a) *He is. That's why he basically told you you'd be adopting him.*

 

(8:13a) *He pretty much just walked up to you and said, “Nice to meet you, I'm in your life now.”*

 

(8:17a) -tbf so did u-

 

(8:18a) *I followed you around until you tied me up with a lead rope and took me home?*

 

(8:23a) -no but i gave u a ride and u just nvr stopped tlkng 2 me after-

 

(8:24a) -if u wudnt have i wud nvr have spoken 2 u again-

 

(8:29a) *God, you wouldn't have, you're way too awkward. You would have just pretend we never interacted in the first place.*

 

(8:29a) *That's weird to think about.*

 

(8:34a) -ya-

 

(8:37a) *I hope you're ok with how it turned out.*

 

(8:41a) -idk im in a grp cht w/ glenn n rick bc of u so mb i wud have been better off-

 

(8:45a) *Lol, shut up, you love those guys.*

 

(8:47a) -u misspelled *tolerate-

 

(8:49a) *Well you misspell pretty much everything, smartass.*

 

(8:55a) -u look exhausted y is 2day a 4 shot day?-

 

(8:57a) *Mom. Up aaaallll night. I think she's just not feeling well, but she was in a shit mood and couldn't or wouldn't sleep, and dad of course was zero help.*

 

(8:58a) *She was just yelling constantly.*

 

(8:59a) -wut abt?-

 

(9:06a) *Nothing, or at least nothing I understand. It's a side effect of the dementia.*

 

(9:07a) *Also, off topic, but last week we read The Raven out loud and even tho I was upset with you, I was SO bummed you were suspended, because I would have killed to hear you have to read that.*

 

(9:11a) -gud 2 kno u enjoy me being tortured-

 

(9:12a) -i read it at home-

 

(9:12a) -its weird and idgi-

 

(9:17a) *It's repetitive af, especially when you have to listen to your classmates reading it to you.*

 

(9:17a) *Shane insisted on being really overdramatic just to be a douche.*

 

(9:18a) *I was this close to just saying “quoth the raven: shut the fuck up.”*

 

(9:20a) *Lmaooo, you are so bad at covering up your laughs with coughs.*

 

(9:21a) -dnt make me laugh in class thn-

 

(9:26a) *I will make you laugh whenever I darn well please. I take great pleasure in it. It's a fun challenge, because you don't laugh easy.*

 

(9:29a) -i laugh sometimes-

 

(9:33a) *Not often, which is a shame because you have a cute laugh, I love it.*

 

(9:37a) -stop-

 

(9:39a) *Nah. I didn't get to embarrass you all last week so I gotta make up for lost time.*

 

(9:42a) - :/ -

 

(9:43a) * <3 *

 

(9:43a) *Hahaha, remember when you drunk texted me?*

 

(9:46a) -lets not tlk abt tht ever-

 

(9:48a) *Fair warning, I will probably talk about it a lot because it was rly rly funny.*

 

(9:50a) -yeah yeah-

 

(9:50a) -ik-

 

(9:54a) *Why did Rick glare at you when you left?*

 

(9:56a) -o ya i 4got-

 

—-

 

(9:57a) - _ you unblocked grp prjct rick _ -

 

(9:57a) - _ you unblocked dumbass _ -

 

(9:58a) -sry i 4got i did tht-

 

(9:59a) ~rude as hell.~

 

(10:00a) >I see where we rank in your life.<

 

—-

 

(9:59a) -i blocked them yesterday n 4got 2 unblock them-

 

(10:00a) *What'd they do this time?*

 

(10:52a) -just being assholes-

 

(10:56a) -how r u feeling?-

 

(10:59a) *You know how you can cut a chicken's head off and it'll be dead but still running around?*

 

(11:02a) -ya-

 

(11:06a) *I wish I felt that good.*

 

(11:09a) - :/ -

 

(11:09a) -u need a break-

 

(11:11a) *Then wish for one for me, but don't say you did or it won't come true.*

 

(11:12a) -k-

 

(11:12a) *Did you wish for it?*

 

(11:14a) -cnt tell u-

 

(11:16a) *Good boy.*

 

(11:21a) *Brain isn't here at all today, Scoobs.*

 

(11:26a) -can i help?-

 

(11:31a) *Not really. Mb remind me that consuming more caffeine probably won't fix my problems.

 

(11:37a) -ya dnt do tht-

 

(11:41a) *Diet Coke tho*

 

(11:45a) -jfc drink some water-

 

(11:47a) *We'll see.*

 

(11:48a) -r u going 2 lunch?-

 

(11:49a) *Rick and Glenn rat me out and tell you I'd been avoiding everybody?*

 

(11:50a) -kinda-

 

(11:50a) -so u coming?-

 

(11:51a) *Yeah, I'll go.*

 

(11:52a) -k omw-

 

—-

 

(2:09p) *Why the FUCK does French write time so stupid?*

 

(2:10p) *Il est quatre heures moin dix. It is four hours minus ten. Just say 3:50!!! I don't want to do math to tell the time!!!*

 

(2:15p) -french class isnt gr8 2day huh?-

 

(2:17p) *I wish French were a person so I could set it on fire.*

 

(2:17p) *Who needs French anyway? Who even speaks it?*

 

(2:22p) -not u clearly-

 

(2:25p) *I will acknowledge that that was a very good burn, but know that I do so with seething rage.*

 

(2:26p) *When I'm this exhausted and crashing this entire language just sounds like gibberish to me.*

 

(2:32p) -lol y did u even take french as ur language credit?-

 

(2:34p) *I thought it was pretty and everyone always takes Spanish, I wanted to be unique.*

 

(2:35p) *I have never regretted anything more.*

 

(2:39p) -wut wud the duolingo owl say?-

 

(2:42p) *It would say “Did you know just fifteen minutes a day can teach a language? What can fifteen minutes on social media do?”*

 

(2:45p) -what?-

 

(2:47p) *Idk, the loading screens have random language trivia and motivational facts on them.*

 

(2:51p) -4get i asked-

 

(2:57p) *Why don't you download the app?*

 

(3:01p) -bc tht owl freaks me out plus im alrdy gud @ french-

 

(3:03p) *Show off.*

 

(3:04p) *You work?*

 

(3:07p) -nah. u?-

 

(3:11p) *I'm supposed to but I had to take off bc dad needs help with mom.*

 

(3:12p) *Read: she's still not feeling well and is being a handful so I have to go deal with it.*

 

(3:15p) - :/ -

 

(3:15p) -well i'll be around txt me if u wnt-

 

(3:17p) *Will do. Laterz.*

 

(3:20p) -bye-

 

—-

 

(5:57p) -when carol was over this wknd she was sort of hugging me n i had a sec where i thot abt telling her things but then henry jumped on the couch n idk if i’ll ever have the nerve again-

 

(6:03p) ~you were cockblocked by a dog?~

 

(6:03p) ~i think that’s grounds to have him euthanized.~

 

(6:06p) >Don’t insult his dog, the only thing he loves more than that dog is Carol.<

 

(6:10p) -y does tht word keep coming up-

 

(6:11p) -istg carol said it like 3 times-

 

(6:11p) -she was all up in my space on saturday n i didnt h8 it n i h8 tht i didnt h8 it-

 

(6:13p) ~did you want to put your mouth on her mouth?~

 

(6:19p) - :/ :/ :/ :/ :/ :/ -

 

(6:19p) - /: /: /: /: /: /: -

 

(6:21p) >He definitely wanted to put his mouth on her mouth.<

 

(6:25p) -kissing is so gross like u get someones spit in ur mouth so y does it not gross me out 2 thnk abt kissing her?-

 

(6:27p) ~do you really need that one spelled out for you?~

 

(6:28p) -she is ruining my life-

 

(6:29p) -also i cnt ever date her bc idk how 2 kiss someone id kiss her all weird n she’d immediately break up w/ me-

 

(6:30p) -just thinking abt it makes me wna throw up-

 

(6:33p) >I feel you, dude, but I’m telling you that the payoff of kissing someone you’ve liked for a really long time? Totally worth it.<

 

(6:35p) ~super fucking worth it.~

 

(6:39p) -i h8 being touched but i just wna touch her all the time-

 

(6:41p) ~you’re being very forward today.~

 

(6:44p) -bc i have no dignity left-

 

(6:44p) -she started tlking 2 me again n all the shit feelings i had abt her being mad went away n now im suddenly rmbring tht im a pathetic pissbaby who wnts 2 put my fukin mouth on her fukin mouth fuk her fuk this im gna go beat ed up again so she ghosts me-

 

(6:47p) ~please don’t, my body cannot physically handle another “cheer daryl up” night.~

 

(6:48p) ~do you know how long it takes to wash vomit off a corgi? because i do!~

 

(6:51p) >Anyway we can help, Daryl?<

 

(6:52p) >Don’t say murder you.<

 

(6:52p) -murder me-

 

(6:53p) >Goddamnit.<

 

(6:54p) >Ok, I’m making an executive decision. You have to tell her.<

 

(6:57p) -no-

 

(6:59p) >How many times have you listened to that Fleetwood Mac playlist?<

 

(7:02p) -idk a couple-

 

(7:03p) >Pull up your music app and tell me how many times it says you’ve listened to Dreams.<

 

(7:10p) -.........-

 

(7:12p) >If the answer is more than twenty then you have to tell her.<

 

(7:15p) -117-

 

(7:16p) ~hahahahahahaha.~

 

(7:17p) >You’re telling her.<

 

(7:22p) -how-

 

(7:25p) ~with worms.~

 

(7:26p) -no?-

 

(7:27p) ~*words.~

 

(7:28p) -oh-

 

(7:28p) -also no-

 

(7:31p) >Send her a note via carrier pigeon for all I care, but you have to tell her or else your head might actually explode.<

 

(7:32p) -im ok w/ tht-

 

(7:33p) >Well we’re not.<

 

(7:34p) >We’re gonna harass you everyday until you tell her.<

 

(7:37p) - :/ -

 

(7:37p) -i’ll block u-

 

(7:40p) ~we have access to pigeons too.~

 

(7:42p) >Mark my words, Dixon, we’re gonna get you to confess.<

 

(7:45p) -ya w/e-

 

(7:45p) -we’ll c-

 

—-

 

(11:42p) *You still awake?*

 

(11:44p) -ya-

 

(11:46p) *Are you getting ready to go to sleep?*

 

(11:47p) -not rly just fukin around watching dumb shit on ur netflix lol-

 

(11:47p) -y wuts up?-

 

(11:48p) *Idk.*

 

(11:48p) *A vague yet all-encompassing sadness.*

 

(11:49p) -u wnt me 2 call u?-

 

(11:49p) -only if u wnt-

 

(11:50p) *Yes please.*

 

“Hey,” Daryl says, when she picks up after only one ring.

 

“Hey,” she says softly. “Sorry, I gotta talk quiet.”

 

“That’s fine. What’s going on?”

 

“I don’t know; I’m just having a time.”

 

“What kind of time?”

 

“The kind where you sit and examine your life and wonder if it’s always gonna be this shitty.”

 

“Not the best kind.”

 

“No, it’s not.”

 

“Did something happen?”

 

“No. Yes. I don’t know. Michonne was texting me earlier, talking about how she’s nervous about hearing back from all the universities she’s applied to, and how she hopes she and Rick can at least be somewhat close by each other, because their relationship is getting serious, and while she was texting me all this I was giving my mother a sponge bath and trying to concentrate on a history reading so I can get a decent grade, even though I didn’t apply for a single school, and I don’t know if I ever will. It’s like, everyone’s moving forward, and I’m stuck behind.” 

 

“I get it.”

 

“Do you?”

 

“Sure. I mean, I don’t hafta do all the shit you gotta with your momma, but I definitely get what you mean by feeling stuck.”

 

“Why do you feel stuck?”

 

“I dunno. My daddy and my brother keep talking about how good it is that Dale’s giving me a full-time job after I graduate, and my brother even said that it’s cool that I’m getting my degree, but that it don’t matter none other than as a formality. No one expects nothin’ from me, never have. I come from junkies and everyone just always assumed I’d be one too. And I mean, I’m not—don’t plan to be—but I been alive almost eighteen years, and all I got to show for it is three friends and a dog. And somehow, that’s still some huge accomplishment. Like the best I ever could be is a mechanic who manages not to smoke dope. Ain’t that the dream.”

 

“Pfft. Aren’t expectations great? You get to fix cars while sober, and I get to play servant and nurse to my parents, until my mom dies, and then I’m supposed to find a nice, rich husband, and take care of him so that he’ll never think twice about making sure my daddy wants for nothing. I don’t think dad even cares if I’m okay, he just doesn’t want to have to lift a finger himself.” 

 

“You shouldn’t ever be nobody’s servant. If anything, they should be serving you. You’ve spent all this time taking care of other people, I think the rest of your life should be spent with someone taking care of you.”

 

“Ha, wouldn’t that be nice. You know what I really worry about, though?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“What if I am sick? What if I’m sick, but I end up with someone like my dad, or someone who my dad wants me to be with, and I end up just like my mom? Barely taken care of, and not even by her husband. She started showing symptoms when she was twenty eight. If I’m the same then that means I have ten more healthy years in me, and I don’t want to spend them dreading having to die in the hands of someone who doesn’t really give a shit. I’d at least want to go out being loved, you know?”

 

“You think you’d ever get the test? To find out if you got it, I mean?”

 

“I don’t know. Maybe? I can’t decide if knowing would make things better or worse. I already feel like my time is ticking, what with everybody going off to school and leaving me behind. If I find out that I really am on a deadline, I’m not sure if it would motivate me, or just make me wonder what the point is, you know?”

 

“I get it. Tell you what, though?”

 

“What?”

 

“I ain’t gonna go nowhere.”

 

“You might. Maybe you’ll get tired of being a mechanic and you’ll decide to go to college and major in French and go study abroad in all the horrible French speaking countries where they tell time in the most complicated way possible.”

 

“I wouldn’t bank on it. And ‘sides, I’d never leave you to live some shitty ass life. ‘Specially if you’re sick. Long as I’m alive, I swear to God, I’ll make sure you’re taken care of.”

 

“Why? Why waste your time on me?”

 

“‘Cause you ain't a waste of time.”

 

“Truly ride or die.”

 

“Always.”

 

“Maybe we’ll get out of this town someday.”

 

“Maybe we will.”

 

“Hope so.”

 

“You sound tired.”

 

“I’m always tired. But I should try and sleep while I have the opportunity.”

 

“I’ll let you go, then.”

 

“Wait.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Eh, never mind. It’s stupid.”

 

“What is it?” 

 

“Just...Would you mind…”

 

“Would I mind…?”

 

“Staying on the line with me? Just until I fall asleep? You don’t have to say anything, I just am feeling kind of lonely tonight.”

 

“‘Course. ‘Course I will.”

 

“Thank you, Daryl.”

 

“Ain’t nothin’.”

 

“Shut up, yes it is.”

 

“Ha. Sorry.”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

“NIght, Carol.”

 

Daryl lays back and rests his head on his pillow. He sits his phone beside him and glances over at it as though she were really there. He can hear the faint sounds of her moving around on the other end, and the sound of her breathing, and he can almost imagine actually sharing his bed with her. He rolls his eyes at himself and picks his phone back up. He opens up his messages, careful not to end the call, and types out a text.

 

(1:01a) -k im a pussy plz fix this 4 me u can harass me all u wnt-

 

He doesn’t receive a reply until morning, but come daylight, two enthusiastic messages come through.

 

(6:59a) >That’s the spirit!<

 

(7:09a) ~finally, i get to do what i was born to do. praise the lord.~

 

Daryl regrets everything almost instantly. 

 

—-

 

_ Wednesday _

 

(4:06p) >Did you tell her?<

 

(4:17p) -whn wud i have had time 2 tell her?-

 

(4:21p) ~hoe, you had all night to confess your love.~

 

(4:24p) -k well i didnt-

 

(4:29p) >Tonight then?<

 

(4:32p) -she has a test shes studying 4 i dnt wna bother her-

 

(4:32p) -tmrrw-

 

(4:36p) ~holding you to that, hoe.~

 

(4:39p) -stop calling me hoe wtf?-

 

(4:43p) ~¯\\_(ツ)_/¯~

 

—-

 

_ Thursday _

 

(6:48p) >Did you tell her?<

 

(7:01p) -shes having a shitty time @ work she said she got yelled @ by 2 diff customers i dnt wna stress her out more-

 

(7:04p) -tmrrw-

 

(7:10p) ~i have the distinct feeling this is not going to be as easy as we hoped.~

 

(7:12p) >I’m up for a challenge. You?<

 

(7:16p) ~oh yes.~

 

(7:19p) -h8 u guys-

 

—-

 

_ Friday _

 

(9:21p) ~hey daryl.~

 

(9:21p) ~psst.~

 

(9:21p) ~daryl, hey.~

 

(9:24p) -what?-

 

(9:25p) ~did you tell her?~

 

(9:31p) -she had a pop quiz in french n it messed up her whole day so-

 

(9:31p) -tmrrw-

 

(9:34p) ~you’re a goddamn liar.~

 

(9:36p) >Hey now, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt.<

 

(9:39p) ~you think he’s actually gonna follow through tomorrow?~

 

(9:42p) >Not at all, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.<

 

(9:47p) -go away-

 

—-

 

_ Saturday _

 

(5:23p) >Daryl.<

 

(5:23p) >Did you tell her?<

 

(5:31p) -i was thnkng it was better 2 tell her in person n shes busy tonite so i cant-

 

(5:34p) ~i swear to god, if you say tomorrow…~

 

(5:37p) -4 sure tmrrw-

 

(5:40p) ~asfdlkafjdslj;gfd.~

 

(5:43p) >Patience, Glenn.<

 

(5:45p) ~i’ve never held in a secret this long before, who knows what the health risks are?~

 

(5:48p) >Daryl will pay any medical bills.<

 

(5:50p) -no i wont-

 

(5:51p) -i hope it kills u-

 

(5:53p) ~ <3 you’re an asshole <3 ~

 

(5:56p) >But he’s our asshole.<

 

(5:57p) >Not the best phrasing, but you get the point.<

 

—-

 

_ Sunday _

 

(8:00p) ~daryl!~

 

(8:02p) -no i didnt tell her-

 

(8:05p) >Why not this time?<

 

(8:19p) -bc she came ovr 4 a bit 2 play w/ henry n i noticed tht her nose gets all scrunched up whn she laughs n it made me feel weird so i cudnt-

 

(8:24p) ~for the love of god.~

 

(8:27p) -look im trying ok?-

 

(8:28p) -its just harder thn i thot-

 

(8:28p) -i dnt wna mess it up-

 

—-

 

_ Monday _

 

(8:59a) -hey r u @ skool 2day?-

 

(9:03a) -ur not in english-

 

(10:51a) -lemme kno if ur ok plz?-

 

(12:52p) -everyone @ lunch said they hvnt heard from u…-

 

(1:46p) *Hi sorry, no I’m not at school today, I’m at the hospital.*

 

(1:47p) -wut? wuts wrong r u ok?-

 

(1:51p) *Fuck, sorry again, bad phrasing. I’m in the hospital because my mom is in the hospital. I’m not hurt. My brain is all over the place, sorry.*

 

(1:54p) -stop saying sorry its fine-

 

(1:54p) -wuts up w/ ur mom?-

 

(2:01p) *They’re saying pneumonia. She was running a fever in the middle of the night and started having trouble breathing and my dad wasn’t home so I had to call an ambulance and this day has been very very incredibly super long and I want to sleep for ten years.*

 

(2:02p) -where tf was ur dad?-

 

(2:05p) *¯\\_(ツ)_/¯*

 

(2:05p) *He gave me some vague fucking answer after it took me ten years to get ahold of him, so he’s on my shitlist right now.* 

 

(2:07p) -is ur mom gna be ok?-

 

(2:11p) *Idk, they’re admitting her. She’s stable and not in like, immediate peril. It’s just stressful as hell.*

 

(2:12p) *My aunt is here and said she’s gonna spend the night here, and my dad is sucking up to me for being awol last night so they’re both telling me to go home and get some sleep, but I didn’t even drive Rose here, I went in the ambulance with mom.* 

 

(2:13p) *I’m still wearing my pajamas lol.*

 

(2:17p) -i can drive u home if u need me 2-

 

(2:20p) *You’re sweet, but I’m just bitching, you don’t need to go out of your way.*

 

(2:22p) -ik i dnt but im offering-

 

(2:23p) -i dnt have 2 go in the hospital ur aunt n dad dnt need 2 kno im picking u up-

 

(2:23p) -say its michonne or maggie or smthn-

 

(2:26p) *I don’t really give a shit what my dad has to say about much of anything right now, tbh.*

 

(2:27p) *Ok tho. If you’re sure it’s not a massive pain in the ass it’d be nice to get away from here for a little bit.*

 

(2:32p) -i’ll come rite from skool-

 

(2:35p) *Thank you.*

 

(2:38p) -np-

 

(2:39p) -c u soon-

 

—-

 

Daryl’s seen Carol tired before, but she is positively wrecked today. He steals worried glances at her in his passenger seat, thankful he took the truck today because he thinks she would slide right off the bike. Her whole body is limp, like it’s too hard to hold anything up. Her head is resting against the window, and though her eyes are open, they’re glazed. He doesn’t make her talk; of course he doesn’t.

 

When they pull up outside of her house he pauses awkwardly, not sure if he’s supposed to just let her out and leave now. She answers it for him when she says, “Aren’t you coming in?”

 

“Yeah,” he mutters, shifting the truck into park and killing the engine.

 

It’s only the second time he’s been to her house, but it feels vastly different, as though the absence of Carol’s mom has shifted the entire energy of the place. It feels hollow and empty, and seems dark even when Carol turns on some lights. 

 

Carol walks purposely through the house, and Daryl follows, not sure what else he’s supposed to do. He realizes belatedly that they’re headed to her bedroom. He didn’t see inside it last time. It almost feels like an invasion of privacy, so he hangs outside the doorway, even though Carol doesn’t seem to mind one way or the other.

 

Her room isn’t as blank and dull as his is, but it isn’t decked out by any means. Her bedspread is purple, and is in a heap at the end of her mattress. She’s got a couple shirts on the floor, and she’s digging through a laundry basket that he assumes is full of clean, unfolded clothes. Not unlike the rest of her life, Daryl figures Carol tends to the other parts of the house and neglects her own space in the process.

 

“Do you mind if I take a shower?” she asks him, as though she needs his permission. Daryl isn’t even entirely sure why he’s still here.

 

“‘Course not,” he says. “You want me to stick around?”

 

“Oh,” Carol says, face falling. “You don’t have to.”

 

“No, I want to, I just didn’t know if you wanted, I dunno, to like, be alone or whatever.”

 

“That’s the last thing I want, honestly,” she says, and Daryl nods.

 

“Then I’ll stay.” 

 

She takes him to the living room and flicks on the TV; apologies for not having the Lifetime Movie Network. He gives her a smile and tells her he’ll live. He mindlessly watches the local news on mute, the faint sounds of her shower running in the background. 

 

“I feel a little more human now,” she says nearing a half hour later. She comes back into the living room wearing a t-shirt and leggings while towel-drying her untamed curls. 

 

“You look dead on your feet,” Daryl says. He can feel practically feel like exhaustion wafting off of her, as though it were tangible. “You wanna get some sleep?”

 

“It’s not even six,” she says.

 

“Who cares?” he asks, and she smiles a little.

 

“That’s fair.” She looks the direction of her bedroom and frowns. 

 

“What is it?” 

 

“It’s just…” she shakes her head. “I can’t remember the last time this place was empty. I don’t like it, it feels weird.”

 

“Do you wanna...I mean, if it’d make you feel better, you could sleep at my place. Dad’s still out of town. He texted me on Saturday to tell me to pay the electric bill ‘cause he won’t be back in time, and that ain’t due until the end of the month.”

 

“Are you sure it’s not a problem? I feel like I’m constantly asking you for favors.”

 

“You haven’t asked me for a damn thing,” Daryl tells her. “You’ve been doing nothin’ but taking care of your momma, and you’re running on E. Lemme help you out anyway I can.” 

 

She tosses the towel onto a chair and sighs.

 

“I don’t want to sleep here,” she admits.

 

“Then don’t. It’s better anyways, ‘cause that way you’ll be in town in case you need to get back to the hospital.” 

 

“I’ll need to drive Rose to your place, though, so I have her tomorrow.” 

 

“Are you safe to drive?” he asks doubtfully, looking at the heavy bags under her eyes.

 

“Yes, but I know you won’t believe me, so I’ll drive right in front of you ten miles under the speed limit so you can see me the whole time and get really annoyed that I’m too stubborn to speed up.”

 

“Good.” 

 

“I’m gonna get a change of clothes, some hygiene stuff, and my school shit.”

 

“Okay. Maybe grab some extra clothes, in case you get stuck at the hospital again or...I mean, if you feel like staying in town, you can stay with me.” Daryl blushes and Carol regards him.

 

“Okay,” she agrees softly. Daryl waits on the couch, chewing on a fingernail, while Carol gathers her things. 

 

“Ready?” she asks a few minutes later, carrying a duffel and her bookbag. He nods. Outside, she hesitates outside her car. She turns to him and asks, “Can I have a cigarette?”

 

“Tryna make me feel like a delinquent?” he asks, but he reaches into his pocket anyway and pulls out his pack. “Don’t make a habit outta these, they’re a bitch to quit.”

 

“Save the after school special for when I’ve had more than a fifteen minute nap in a plastic chair,” she says, catching the lighter he throws to her, and tossing it back once the cherry on her cigarette turns red. “Meet you at your place?” she asks through an exhale of smoke.

 

“Yeah, drive safe.”

 

“I’ll drive fifteen under, just to spite you,” she says, and he doesn’t doubt that she will.

 

—-

 

It feels more familiar, having her in his space. He figures it’s because it’s his turf so he feels like he has more control. She doesn’t like being out of control either, but she appears to be at ease when she’s here, so maybe this has become her turf as well, which is a bizarre thought, since it’s a shithole of a place, but it’s the best they got for now.

 

“I’m gonna change the sheets on my bed,” he tells her while she’s busy getting half trampled by Henry. “You can sleep in my room.”

 

“What? No, I’ll sleep on the couch,” she objects, frowning at him, but he shakes his head.

 

“Nah, you need real sleep, not couch sleep. Don’t worry, I’m used to it, I fall asleep on that shitty couch all the time.”

 

“Daryl, don’t give up your room for me.”

 

“It ain’t like it’s a thousand dollar mattress or nothin’, it’s just a small upgrade, so don’t worry yourself over it.” Carol huffs a sigh but doesn’t argue, so Daryl takes his win and goes and strips his bed of his smokey, sweaty sheets and replaces them with smokey, stale sheets, because nothing in his house smells all that great even when it’s clean.

 

“C’mere,” he says to her when he’s done. He leads her to the bed, with Henry at her heels. “Lay down, don’t even think about touching any schoolwork. Henry, you get to stay inside today so long as you make sure she actually rests,” he tells the dog. He wags his tail in understanding. “You hungry?” he asks, addressing Carol now.

 

“Honestly?” she asks. “Fucking starving.” 

 

“‘Kay,” he says, “Lay down and I’ll see what we have in the house.” She regards the bed warily. “I promise the sheets are clean, they just kinda always look like that,” he assures her. 

 

“No, it’s just...this feels weird.”

 

“I told you I don’t mind you taking the bed.”

 

“Not just the bed,” she says. “Being taken care of...I don’t know how to handle it. What am I supposed to do with myself?”

 

“You’re supposed to lay down,” Daryl says for the third time. “And not think for a little while.”

 

“I don’t get it, but I’ll give it a try,” she mutters, toeing off her shoes and climbing into Daryl’s bed. He watches her get settled, and once he’s satisfied she’s actually laying down and resting, he goes to the kitchen.

 

The cupboards are embarrassingly bare, but he manages to find a single can of chicken noodle soup. It’s the pathetic, condensed kind that comes out of he can still shaped like a cylinder. He heats it up and washes out a glass and fills it with lukewarm water because he doesn’t have any ice. He carries the mediocre meal to the bedroom, where he finds Carol is already fast asleep.

 

She’s on her side, one arm hanging over the edge of the bed, mouth open as she breathes softly and deeply. Henry is curled up on the floor like the proper watchdog he is. Daryl sits the soup and water on his dresser, and covers her up with his comforter. He goes back out into the living room to let her sleep.

 

A half hour or so later, his phone vibrates.

 

(9:36p) >Did you tell her?<

 

(9:37p) -no-

 

(9:39p) ~of course not.~

 

(9:42p) -shes got somethin going on. 4 real this time-

 

(9:42p) -im gna postpone until shes better-

 

(9:43p) -i’ll do it tho just not now-

 

(9:46p) ~siiiigh. fine. you’re off the hook for now.~

 

(9:49p) -i’ll tell her-

 

(9:50p) -but hey i did at least make her soup-

 

(9:52p) >That’s something, at least.<

 

(9:53p) ~yeah. remember what you said about making someone soup?~

 

(9:55p) -ya-

 

(9:56p) -its like being loved-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm on the time module for french on duolingo -skull emoji-
> 
> btw, teeeentatively, the final update for this will be 1/27, which i think puts us at five more chapters if i counted correctly, which i might not have. i reserve the right to change that, but just so you have a generalish idea of how much longer this is gonna drag on lmao.
> 
> as always, your comments give me strength to face each day (especially because my work has been very emotionally draining lately), so thank you from the bottom of my heart for the kind words.
> 
> until sunday, fuckos!
> 
> -diz


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw in end notes

_ Tuesday _

 

Daryl kicks in the door as quietly as one can kick a door in, and steps back inside the house. The sun has barely risen, and the air outside has a bite to it that annoys Daryl because he really hates the cold. He hears Henry bark and he comes bounding out of Daryl's room to make sure Daryl isn't an intruder.

 

“It's just me, dickweed,” Daryl whispers, pushing Henry away with his foot, careful not to spill the coffee in his hand. From his room he hears his bed creak and he's sure all the noise has woken her up. 

 

“Hey,” he says quietly, peeking his head in his door. Carol lifts her head and blinks blearily at him, pushing tangled curls out of her face.

 

“What time is it?” she asks, voice gravely from sleep.

 

“Like a quarter to seven,” Daryl says, leaning up against the doorframe and trying not to smile at how cute she looks as she yawns and rubs her face.

 

“Seriously?” she asks, glancing over at Daryl's alarm clock to see for herself. 

 

“Yeah, you slept like, almost ten hours,” he says. 

 

“The fuck?” she asks. She plops her head back down on the pillow like it's suddenly too hard to hold up. “That never happens. I don't even remember waking up at all during the night.”

 

“You were really fucking tired.”

 

“Mm,” Carol agrees. She picks her phone up off of Daryl's dresser where Daryl moved it last night and checks her messages.

 

“Any updates?” he asks.

 

“Not really,” Carol says, scrolling through. “My aunt sent a message an hour ago saying everything is pretty much the same—stable but still sick.”

 

“You gonna spend the day at the hospital again?”

 

“I dunno, I probably shouldn't miss more school.”

 

“I was gone an entire week and didn't miss shit,” Daryl reminds her. “Missing two days won't screw you. Give yourself a break.”

 

“Ugh,” she mumbles, burying her face further into Daryl's pillow.

 

“I got you this,” Daryl says then, somewhat awkwardly. She lifts her head as he sits the coffee he'd gone out to get on the dresser beside her. “I left a note on the coffee table in case you got up, but I made a run to that coffee shop like five minutes away. I got you that ridiculous caramel bullshit you like. Three shots. I figured if I let you order yourself you'd get five so I compromised.” He sits a small paper sack next to the coffee and adds, “You fell asleep before you ate anything last night and there ain't shit in this house so I got you a chocolate croissant, mostly 'cause I figured it'd annoy you that it's French.”

 

She snorts at that and looks at her coffee and croissant like it's a five star meal.

 

“Has anyone ever told you that you're the literal best person on this planet?” she asks, taking hold of her latte and wafting the smell of it towards her as though it were a fine wine.

 

“No,” he says.

 

“Well you are.” She pushes herself up into a sitting position and digs her croissant out of the bag. Daryl sits on the edge of the bed, twiddling his thumbs. “Want some?” she asks through a mouthful of pastry.

 

“Nah, that's yours,” he says. In response, Carol tears off a piece and shoves it in his mouth. He laughs a little, and mumbles a muffled thanks.

 

“I probably won't go to school today,” she says after a minute. “Especially 'cause I'm scheduled at the diner tonight and I really shouldn't miss that, but I wanna spend some time at the hospital.”

 

“Aight. That's fine.”

 

“Depending on what the doctors say...like if she's gonna be there tonight again...do you mind…?”

 

“I told you, you're welcome to stay.”

 

“Thanks,” she mutters. “Here, if you let me get dressed I'll get ready so you don't have to wait on me to leave.”

 

“Ain't no hurry, you can take your time. You can stay after I leave, I don't care.” At her doubtful look, he pulls out his phone and hands it to her, saying, “I double checked with dad to make sure he wasn't coming back anytime soon.”

 

“'How's the pussy on the west coast?’” Carol reads aloud with a bemused expression.

 

“I figured that'd be the only way he'd give me an answer. If I asked directly he'd ask me if I'm up to something.”

 

“'Real good, you should try some of this. Might stay here a while, you got them bills this month right?’” Carol reads his daddy's response. She hands the phone back with an eyebrow raise.

 

“Yeah, he ain't exactly eloquent,” Daryl says, pocketing his phone. “Point is, he ain't gonna surprise us or nothin’, he's too wrapped up in whatever it is he gets wrapped up in.”

 

“Pretty sure this counts as child neglect,” Carol says mildly, sipping on her coffee.

 

“Better than him being here. I prefer it. One time he was gone like, six months. It was great, 'cept I was fourteen so I couldn't drive or work, but I could walk to school and got free lunch there, and my brother would swing by with some money now and then so I could order pizzas.”

 

“Daryl, that is extremely bleak. School is like an hour's walk from here.”

 

“Yeah, it doesn't sound great when I say it out loud.”

 

“No offense, but your daddy is a bit of an asshole.”

 

“Duh.” He nudges her knee playfully and adds, “Least he's not on my ass about getting with some rich girl. Which is good, 'cause I ain't got the first clue on where to find one.” Carol laughs.

 

“Maybe I should marry a rich girl and see what wins out—my dad's strict, conservative values, or his love of free money.” 

 

“Pfft. Maybe it'd be like when you ask a robot a question it can't answer and it explodes.”

 

“That would be quite the sight.” Carol leans back against the headboard with a sigh. “You sure it's okay if I hang out here a while?”

 

“For sure. Henry will be real happy.”

 

“Alright. Then I'll text you and let you know what my plan is for tonight.”

 

“Aight,” says Daryl. Carol reaches over and squeezes his hand. He squeezes back and hopes she doesn't notice how red his cheeks go. “I'll see you later.”

 

“Later,” she says softly. She lets go of Daryl's hand and sinks down into his mattress, looking exhausted even after ten hours of sleep, and Daryl fights the urge to drop everything and curl up beside her; to hold her and try and make everything okay.

 

He casts her one last look, and shows himself the door.

 

—-

 

(8:03a) -hey ppl r gna ask me where u r-

 

(8:04a) -i can tell them to fuk off but theyre still gna ask-

 

(8:04a) -nythng specific u wnt me to say?-

 

(8:12a) *You can say my mom is in the hospital with pneumonia. Just avoid details if you can.*

 

(8:15a) -aight-

 

(8:19a) * _ carol sent a photo _ *

 

(8:19a) *No one will ever love me the way this dog loves me.*

 

(8:21a) -lmao wut is he even doing?-

 

(8:23a) *I think he knows I’m getting ready to leave so he’s physically blocking the door.*

 

(8:27a) -jfc-

 

(8:41a) *He's very persuasive, I spent like ten minutes just now petting his belly.*

 

(8:42a) *I'm gonna go to the hospital. Should I just hook him up to his chain in his house?*

 

(8:45a) -ya-

 

(8:45a) -i have kongs with kibble n peanut butter in them in the freezer if u wna give him one b4 u go-

 

(8:46a) -speaking of food im gna go 2 the store after work 2nite do u wnt nythng?-

 

(8:46a) -if u end up staying ovr again i mean-

 

(8:51a) *I am sitting in my car feeling like a monster bc of the look of betrayal Henry gave me when I left him.*

 

(8:52a) -ignore him hes a drama queen-

 

(8:53a) *Pot meet kettle.*

 

(8:53a) *I only work until 7 tonight. I can go to the store with you. I have 20 whole dollars to contribute.*

 

(8:58a) -rick says he hopes ur mom gets better soon-

 

(8:58a) -n u dnt have 2 go 2 the store w/ me u can just dick around @ my place-

 

(9:17a) *Ik but I like keeping busy, it stops me from thinking about The Bad Things. Besides, I like grocery shopping. It's like a game. “How do I turn no money into a week's worth of meals?” I'm pretty good at it, too.*

 

(9:23a) -lol k we can go 2gether-

 

(9:26a) *How's English?*

 

(9:28a) -we have to read more poe for hmwrk-

 

(9:31a) *Which one?*

 

(9:33a) -tht famous one tell tale heart or w/e-

 

(9:36a) *Mkay. I will think about that later.*

 

(9:41a) -u @ the hospital?-

 

(9:42a) *I am.*

 

(9:43a) -hows ur mom?-

 

(9:45a) *She's on monitors and shit and she looks sick, which is weird bc she always looks sick, but there's something about all this that is making her look Really Sick and I don't like it.*

 

(9:46a) *I don't like it at all lol.*

 

(9:46a) *I am going to go do what I do best.*

 

(9:46a) *And go hide in the bathroom and possibly have a mental breakdown.”

 

(9:50a) - :/ -

 

(9:50a) -r u gna be ok?-

 

(9:52a) *Yeah. Things just sort of just hit me all at once. Sorry.*

 

(9:56a) -dnt apologize-

 

(9:57a) *Did you know that when I'm freaking out I look at the pictures of Henry in that locket you gave me and it helps calm me down?*

 

(9:58a) -hes a damn gud dog-

 

(9:59a) *It's true.*

 

(10:09a) -r u still in the bathroom?-

 

(10:10a) *Yes. Why are you texting? You can't text in math class.*

 

(10:16a) -ik so if i disappear its bc my fone got taken away-

 

(10:17a) *Omg Daryl, I'm okay, don't get in trouble on my account.*

 

(10:21a) -dnt wnt u 2 freak out alone-

 

(10:22a) *I am not replying until your class is over, you sweet idiot.*

 

(10:24a) - :/ -

 

(10:50a) -k its ovr r u ok?-

 

(10:53a) *Yes. I went back out and am just kind of sitting around with my aunt. They don't want a lot of visitors bc they don't want to expose her to germs or whatever, so this is all sort of pointless, but it doesn't feel right to leave.*

 

(10:54a) *No one seems worried about anything terrible happening but I keep thinking that if I let my guard down then the universe will take the opportunity to screw me.*

 

(10:57a) -i dnt thnk thts how illness works-

 

(10:59a) *I know, except what if it is?*

 

(11:03a) -smh-

 

(11:04a) -wheres ur dad?-

 

(11:07a) *Oh that's a funny story.*

 

(11:07a) *The story is: I HAVE NO IDEA.*

 

(11:08a) *My aunt said he left to “run errands” this morning and hasn't been back since.*

 

(11:08a) *Not like his wife is in the hospital or anything.*

 

(11:16a) -jfc-

 

(11:19a) *I don't have the energy to really give a shit, but that's fucked up right?*

 

(11:24a) -rly fuked up-

 

(11:31a) *Hospitals are so unpleasant.*

 

(11:32a) *I just got down to the cafeteria and on the elevator there was a woman sobbing on the phone talking to someone about how “they're saying he's not going to last the night.”*

 

(11:32a) *That's cool, this is cool, I want to pet your dog.*

 

(11:39a) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(11:40a) -best i got rn-

 

(11:43a) *Better than nothing. Thank you.*

 

(11:44a) *Mom's definitely gonna be here for a while, btw, soooo slumber party day two?*

 

(11:44a) *We can get stuff for spaghetti and we can eat it while reading Poe and then finishing season 4 of 30 Rock.*

 

(11:49a) -sounds gud 2 me-

 

(11:52a) *Good, because this hospital food tastes like butthole and I really want spaghetti.”

 

(11:57a) -fair warning idk how 2 cook nythng tht isnt microwavable-

 

(11:59a) *That's fine, I do.*

 

(12:07p) -eating lunch is weird w/out u here-

 

(12:08p) -i ddnt realize how much u tlk 4 me-

 

(12:08p) -ppl r tryna get me 2 carry a convo-

 

(12:08p) -ppl who rnt rick n glenn-

 

(12:10p) *Lol, and you're just ignoring them and looking at your phone?*

 

(12:12p) -wut am i sposed 2 do?-

 

(12:15p) *Talk back.*

 

(12:16p) -idgi-

 

(12:16p) *Lol you're impossible.*

 

(12:19p) -everyone says sry abt ur mom-

 

(12:20p) -they asked me more questions but i just stared at thm until they stfu-

 

(12:24p) *Much appreciated.*

 

(12:25p) *I tried doing my math homework but I have a headache and numbers make it worse.*

 

(12:27p) -stop tryna do stuff-

 

(12:30p) *Ok but only bc I literally cannot focus.”

 

(12:31p) *I'm gonna go wander around the hospital. I'll let you know if anything interesting happens.*

 

(12:33p) -k-

 

(12:34p) -im gna sit here n pretend im not listening 2 glenn tlk abt dropping a beaker w/ acid n it n chemistry class n making everyone have 2 evacuate-

 

(12:34p) -i am listening n i am gna make fun of him l8r-

 

(12:37p) *Lol you're evil, I love it.*

 

(1:16p) *Update: I went to the maternity ward and was standing outside the nursery and a stranger came up and started talking to me and I managed to convince him that I am a teenage mother whose boyfriend left me because our baby was born with a tail.*

 

(1:19p) -fuk u i snorted so loud everyone looked @ me-

 

(1:21p) *I started fake tearing up and said, “I think he thinks I had an affair with his dog or something, even tho I tried to explain that human and dog chromosomes aren't compatible and the tail was probably just because he had a gene mutation.”*

 

(1:25p) -gdi the girl next 2 me asked if i was ok bc i was tryin so hard not 2 laugh-

 

(1:25p) -did the guy actually believe u?-

 

(1:29p) *Yes. He told me that his 2nd cousin was born with a tail and not to worry, they were able to remove it and he's living a perfectly normal life.*

 

(1:35p) -omfg-

 

(1:36p) -u r way too gud at lying-

 

(1:41p) *¯\\_(ツ)_/¯*

 

(1:41p) *What can I say? It's a gift.*

 

(1:42p) *Babies are weird. Can you imagine having a whole entire person and then having to like, raise it?*

 

(1:46p) -ya its freaky-

 

(1:49p) *Would you ever want kids?*

 

(1:56p) -idk i nvr thot abt it-

 

(1:57p) -ig i wudnt mind-

 

(1:57p) -wbu?-

 

(2:01p) *I do but I would have to know if I was sick first.*

 

(2:02p) *I don't want to make a kid go through what I'm going through literally right now, you know?*

 

(2:07p) -i get it-

 

(2:11p) *I also have no idea how to be a good parent since I have not had great examples of it.*

 

(2:16p) -lol same-

 

(2:19p) *Mom was decent, but she let dad walk all over her, and then she was sick and suddenly I was taking care of her instead of her taking care of me.*

 

(2:25p) -fwiw i thnk ud be a gud mom-

 

(2:27p) *Well fwiw, you'd be a good dad.*

 

(2:28p) *I think we both are self-aware enough to learn from our shitty childhoods instead of just doing the same stupid bullshit.*

 

(2:28p) *At least I hope so.*

 

(2:34p) -me2-

 

(2:41p) *K I've run out of hospital and they aren't letting me in mom's room so I'm just gonna go to the diner early and see if I can get a couple extra hours.*

 

(2:42p) *I'll meet you at your place after and we'll go to the store?*

 

(2:46p) -ok-

 

(2:49p) *See you in a few hours.*

 

(2:51p) -c u-

 

—-

 

(3:34p) -motorcycle-

 

(3:41p) >What’s up?<

 

(3:43p) -carol is staying @ my house while her mom is in the hospital n im like-

 

(3:44p) -idk-

 

(3:44p) -boundaries?-

 

(3:47p) ~you mean she’s actually sleeping at your house?~

 

(3:50p) -yes she brought clothes n everything-

 

(3:50p) -we’re going 2 get groceries 2gether 2nite whn she gets off work-

 

(3:50p) -she slept in my bed-

 

(3:51p) -not w/ me in it so shut up glenn-

 

(3:54p) ~i didn’t say anything.~

 

(3:55p) -u wud have-

 

(3:57p) >God, you’re going grocery shopping together? This is insanely domestic.<

 

(4:00p) -ik-

 

(4:01p) -im dying-

 

(4:01p) -but i cant say nythng bc im not gna put tht on her while her mom is in the hospital-

 

(4:04p) >Hence your question about boundaries.<

 

(4:06p) -ya-

 

(4:07p) ~prob don’t try and have sex with her.~

 

(4:09p) -wtf obvi i wont do tht-

 

(4:12p) ~i dunno dude, you’re already an expert at treading the line between platonic and romantic without ever stepping over it, even when it’s incredibly stubborn of you to do so. i think you’ll be fine.~

 

(4:13p) >He’s an asshole, but he’s right, you’ve never overstepped before. You’re good to her, don’t overthink it.<

 

(4:17p) -she slept in my gd bed guys-

 

(4:17p) -she prob will again 2nite-

 

(4:17p) -she fed me part of her croissant-

 

(4:19p) ~i’ve never known two people who are so obviously dating each other and yet refuse to admit it.~

 

(4:20p) ~420 blaze it, once this whole mom thing gets better will you PLEASE put your mouth on her mouth so i can finally live my life in peace?~

 

(4:23p) -ajsljkfdjslajfdl-

 

(4:27p) >Look what you did, Glenn, you made him keyboard smash again.<

 

(4:29p) ~my bad.~

 

(4:30p) ~in all seriousness, though, this situation probably is like, legit torture. you have my syphilis.~

 

(4:32p) -keep it-

 

(4:33p) ~syphilis.~

 

(4:33p) ~no i meant to type syphilis.~

 

(4:33p) ~jesus christ~

 

(4:33p) ~you have my symphony.~

 

(4:34p) ~SYPHILIS.~

 

(4:35p) >I think Glenn finally broke for good.<

 

(4:36p) -keep going this is cheering me up-

 

(4:37p) ~s y m p a t h y~

 

(4:37p) ~finally. thank gonorrhea.~

 

(4:38p) ~i am going to kill myself.~

 

(4:39p) >See, things aren’t so bad, Daryl, at least you aren’t Glenn.<

 

(4:40p) -thank gonorrhea 4 tht-

 

—- 

 

“Okay, so between us we have fifty dollars to spare,” Carol says, grabbing a cart, her game face on. “I checked your kitchen. In terms of edible things, you have two eggs, half a stick of butter, a can of spam, about a third of a bowl of Frosted Flakes, peanut butter you use specifically for the dog, and a bunch of saltine crackers. We have our work cut out for us.” The prospect seems to delight her. Daryl smiles at her fondly.

 

“Aight, where do we start?”

 

“What do you normally get?”

 

“Like, fifteen Hot Pockets, a shitton of ramen noodles, and cereal.”

 

“So we’ve established that you’re going to die of hypertension,” Carol says, grimacing. “While I’m staying at your house you are going to eat like a human being.”

 

“I eat fine,” Daryl objects.

 

“Yes, if humans could live off of salt and sugar alone your diet would be perfect. Okay, follow me, you clearly don’t know how to play this game.” 

 

Daryl trails behind Carol, watching on as she picks up items off the shelf, sometimes comparing prices and doing math on her fingers. She follows a mental system Daryl doesn’t understand, but by the end the cart is much fuller than it would have been had he done the shopping himself. They get in line behind an elderly couple at the checkout, and she summarizes her selections to him.

 

“So, you have your essentials: milk, eggs, and butter. I grabbed flour, sugar, and yeast—I can make a million things with that. A giant bag of generic Fruity Pebbles so you won’t pitch a fit about having no crap to eat. Coffee to save on lattes until I get paid. We have a roast—which will last several meals—pasta—which is cheap and also good for leftovers—a bag of potatoes—quite versatile—and frozen vegetables, because they’re cheaper than fresh and last longer. If I did my math correctly, it should end up being around forty-eight dollars after tax.”

 

“Impressive,” Daryl says. “You know how much ramen you can get for fifty bucks, though?”

 

“Shut up,” Carol says, elbowing Daryl in the side while he laughs a little. 

 

“You forgot the raisins,” the elderly woman in front of them says accusingly to whom Daryl assumes is her husband. 

 

“I didn’t forget them, I just didn’t grab them,” says the man. 

 

“Well, how am I supposed to make banana bread without raisins?”

 

“The same way you always make it; just skip the part where you add the raisins.” The man then turns to Daryl and Carol and says, shaking his head, “Married for forty-five years and this woman for the life of her can’t remember I hate raisins.”

 

“They’d grow on you if you’d actually eat them,” says the woman.

 

“I ate them for our whole first decade just to make you happy, and I hated every bite,” the man snaps over his shoulder. He rolls his eyes at Daryl, and says, “Stubborn, aren’t they? Better hope your girl listens better than mine.” He gestures at Carol. Daryl flushes, but before he can correct him, the man’s wife says to Carol,

 

“Don’t you listen to a word that comes out of his mouth, darling, if you’re the one cooking you’re the one who gets to pick the ingredients. If this boy here doesn’t like what you make him, then he can make his own damn meal.” 

 

“I’d rather eat dirt than another goddamn raisin,” the man says, handing the cashier a credit card with a wrinkled, shaky hand.

 

“I remember when we were young and pretty like those two right there, and you were actually  _ sweet _ to me,” the woman huffs.

 

“That’s because I was trying to impress you; get you to like me back. Tricked you good, didn’t I?”

 

“Don’t know why you bothered, since you hate my cooking so much.”

 

“‘Cause you were hot,” says the man. “Still are. That’s why I put up with you.”

 

“Oh for the love of…” the woman says, covering her mouth, but behind her hand is a smile. The man, gathering up his grocery sack, turns back to Daryl.

 

“Golden advice right there; works every time. It’ll be real easy for you, your girl’s a looker. Not quite as good as mine, though.” He winks at him and, taking his wife’s hand, walks away towards the exit without so much as a goodbye. 

 

Daryl wants to sink into the floor. Cheeks undoubtedly tomato red, he hazards a glance at Carol, who is staring at him, looking a bit dumbfounded. After a tense silence, she clears her throat.

 

“I fucking hate raisins,” she says. Daryl lets out a surprised laugh. He reaches into his pocket to pull out his cash.

 

“Me too,” he says.

 

—-

 

Daryl slurps down the last of his spaghetti while sitting on the floor, back up against the couch, where Carol is spread out, reading their English homework aloud.

 

“‘Suddenly I could bear it no longer. I pointed at the boards and cried, ‘Yes! Yes, I killed him. Pull up the boards and you shall see! I killed him. But why does his his heart not stop beating?! Why does it not stop?!’’” She sets the book down on her lap, and Daryl cranes his neck back to look at her.

 

“That’s it?” he asks. 

 

“Yeah. I think the moral of the story is don’t kill anyone or else your conscience will make you go insane.”

 

“Poe is weird,” says Daryl, sitting his bowl down and stretching out his legs. He startles a little when Carol’s fingers thread through his hair.

 

“You need a haircut,” she says, taking her hand back. “Remind me to do that for you sometime.”

 

“I’m supposed to let you near me with scissors?”

 

“Please, I bet you’d have no qualms about chopping your own hair off in the dark with a knife if I let you. I do my mom’s haircuts, I can do yours.”

 

“We’ll see,” says Daryl. He rests his head against the couch cushion and closes his eyes.

 

“Are you tired?” Carol asks. “I can move. Or better yet, you can have your bed back.”

 

“‘M fine,” Daryl says, not opening his eyes. “And you get the bed, don’t argue about it.” 

 

“Stubborn,” she mutters.

 

“Pot meet kettle,” Daryl says back. She huffs a laugh. They both go quiet. Daryl listens to the soft sound of her breathing behind him. It’s a soothing rhythm he could easily fall asleep to.

 

“I think my dad may be having an affair,” Carol says then. Daryl opens his eyes and turns to face her, brow furrowed.

 

“Why do you think that?” he asks. She’s frowning, her eyes trained on her hands where she’s picking at a cuticle. She shrugs.

 

“Where else would he be going that’s so secret? That he’d go to in the middle of the night? It makes sense, too, doesn’t it? He’s got a bedridden wife who can’t even feed herself, and it’s not like he’s a particularly honorable man. He’s probably already setting up his replacement.” 

 

“Maybe he’s not,” Daryl says, but even as he does he feels doubtful. Carol must hear the uncertainty in his voice, because she gives him a humorless smile.

 

“But probably, right?” she says. Daryl chews on his lower lip and shrugs. She nods. “Pretty fucked up, isn’t it?” she asks. “So much for ‘in sickness and in health.’”

 

“Yeah,” Daryl says lamely, because he’s not good at this sort of thing. Carol doesn’t seem bothered. She continues to speak, as though this has been weighing on her mind for ages. It probably has.

 

“It feels selfish, but I can’t help watching the way my dad treats my mom and wondering if that’s how I’m gonna end up. Like, what’s the point of being with someone if their love is conditional on whether or not I can clean their house and get them off? The second I need to be the one being taken care of they’ve lost all interest.” She takes in a shaky breath, and mumbles, “I’m so scared of being sick, Daryl. I don’t want to be sick like her.” 

 

Daryl searches for words but none come, so instead he nudges her until she sits up, lifts himself onto the couch, and tugs on her gently until she rests her head on his lap. He pushes her hair out of her face, and rubs his hand up and down her arm. She sighs deeply.

 

“I don’t think my mom is coming home,” she whispers. Daryl’s hand stills.

 

“I thought you said there wasn’t anything really bad happening.”

 

“I think that’s just what they’re telling me, like I need to be babied; as if I haven’t been her primary caregiver for years.” She draws her knees to her chest, curling up in a ball that feels intensely vulnerable. “I know her, I know how weak she is, I doubt she can fight it. This might be the one that ends it.” 

 

“You don’t know that for sure.”

 

“No, I don’t,” she says, but she says it like a lie. “Can I ask you something?”

 

“‘Course.” 

 

“What did it feel like? When your mom died, I mean?” Daryl doesn’t say anything for a minute, and she backtracks, saying, “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that,” but Daryl squeezes her shoulder to reassure her.

 

“I’m tryna think of how to answer,” he explains. He frowns, trying to put himself back in the shoes of his seven year old self, watching the firemen hose down the remnants of what was his home—of what was his mother. “Didn’t feel like nothin’ for a while,” he says. “Then it felt like hell for an even longer while. The part that was the hardest was that she was just gone. Like one day she was there, and then suddenly she wasn’t.”

 

“Maybe it was worse for you, since it happened suddenly. At least I’ve had a long time to prepare. It was out of nowhere for you, which isn’t fair at all,” she says. 

 

“I dunno if it works like that, sweetheart,” Daryl says quietly, stroking her cheek. “I think it sucks either way.” 

 

“Probably,” she whispers. “Daryl?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I don’t want my mom to die.” 

 

“I know,” he says. It’s the only answer he can give. She seems to accept it. She doesn’t say anything else; just adjusts herself to get more comfortable, head still resting on his thigh. He strokes her arm again, giving her comfort where he’s able. He can feel her every inhale and exhale, and can tell right when they go deeper as she slips into sleep.

 

He sits like that for some time. He then carefully gets out from under her, guiding her head back gently onto the cushion. He slides one hand under her back and one behind her knees, and scoops her up. Her English book falls to the floor. Mostly still asleep, she wraps her arms around his neck and rests against his chest. He carries her into his room and lays her down on his bed, covering her up with his comforter. He watches her sleep for a good minute, feeling strange about just leaving her after she was so vulnerable. He chews on a nail and then goes into the living room, snatching a throw pillow off the couch.

 

Back in his room he tosses the pillow onto the floor. He lowers himself down and gets as comfortable as he can. He closes his eyes, and is eventually lulled to sleep, listening to the rhythmic sound of her breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw discussions of parental death
> 
> hi. you all rioted about there only being a few chapters left, which actually made me smile bc it means you're enjoying my weird little universe that i am completely obsessed with, so thank you for that and thank you for encouraging my bullshit. good news, i miscounted anyway, so there's at least 1, maybe more, chapters than i said originally. (there's also a sequel i've been toying with, but i haven't decided if i'm gonna do it, esp bc i still owe you my sequel to "maybe it's just us," but we can have this conversation later.) 
> 
> clearly we're entering an angst phase, but don't worry, even in the darkest of times, we still have glenn's phone. thank gonorrhea for that.
> 
> c u thursday my loves,
> 
> -diz
> 
> (p.s. can u tell i have a bachelor's degree in english? i told u this fic was gonna be self-indulgent. "tell tale heart" is a classic fave. it's free domain online so go read it if u haven't. toodles~~~)


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw in end notes

_February 3rd_

_Wednesday_

 

It becomes ritual, the way they navigate each other at Daryl's house. Carol's mother has been in the hospital for two weeks now, occasionally responding to antibiotics, until suddenly she doesn't and they move onto something stronger, the doctors echoing words of reassurance even as they run out of options. A handful of times Carol has stayed the night at the hospital, but for the most part she's spent her spare time in Daryl's crappy little shack of a home.

 

It's almost bizarre how easily they've fallen into a routine domesticity. The front door doesn't lock so she doesn't need a key, and Daryl encourages her to come and go as she pleases, keeping occasional tabs on his father's whereabouts. To the best of his knowledge his daddy is balls deep in some woman in Oregon or Montana or some far off state, and the likelihood of him being back anytime soon is minimal.

 

On the nights she doesn't work, or doesn't work late, she makes them dinner. He tells her every time that she doesn't have to, worried that she feels obligated, but every time she insists that it takes her mind off things. So they eat her meals and do homework together, and sometimes they'll fall asleep in the living room watching TV when studying gets too dull. On the nights that she works to close, Daryl waits up for her, and heats up leftovers—because he knows nine times out of ten all she's eaten has been a Diet Coke and maybe some french fries she's skimmed off of customers’ plates—and he sits with her and refuses to sleep until she does, because that way she'll go to bed at a reasonable hour.

 

Daryl learns quickly that she doesn't sleep straight through the night. That first night was a fluke; a sign of genuine exhaustion. In actuality, her body is hardwired to jolt awake at odd hours, used to playing on-call nurse for her mom. More than once Daryl has awoken on his bedroom floor—where he's slept every night she's been in his bed and neither of them talk about it—to her cleaning his living room at two a.m., or scrubbing his bathtub at three. Twice now, when she thought he was asleep, he's watched her do French lessons with the volume turned down on her ridiculous language app. Each time this happens he does his best to get her to go back to sleep. (“That mildew has been on that shower head since 2004,” he told her the night he found her in the bathroom. “You might as well give up, or you'll be in here for a month.”)

 

This morning he wakes up curled in the corner of the couch with a crick in his neck. His laptop is dead from being left open on whatever 30 Rock episode they fell asleep to. Predictably, Carol's already awake, rummaging around his kitchen with something cooking on the stove. She makes them breakfast on the days she wakes up really early and can't fall back to sleep, and it never gets less bizarre for Daryl. Until now, the idea of waking up to the smell of a warm breakfast someone took the time to make for him was laughable.

 

“Morning,” Carol says over her shoulder when she sees he's awake. His kitchen is more like an extension of his living room, the only delineation between the two being where the carpet ends and the tile begins. He squints over at her and watches her pour coffee into the biggest mug he owns.

 

“Mmph,” he grunts in response, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He grabs his phone off the table to check the time and sees he has a response from the group chat text thread last night where he mentioned he and Carol were probably going to fall asleep on the couch again.

 

(12:02a) ~how have you two managed to become two middle-aged married curmudgeons who fall asleep watching tv on the couch, while missing the crucial step of, you know, becoming a couple?~

 

Carol walks over then, and Daryl quickly casts Glenn a middle finger emoji and sits his phone aside while Carol hands him a plate.

 

“It’s not much; scrambled eggs and the last of that bread I made,” she says. Daryl doesn't bother to tell her he usually would just grab a handful of cereal and stuff it in his mouth on his way out the door. He just gives her a Look and tells her thank you, scooping food into his mouth like a caveman. “You eat like a monster,” Carol says fondly, sitting down next to him with her own plate.

 

“How'm'I's'posed'ta'eat?” he mumbles through a mouthful of food. Carol just smiles and rolls her eyes at him.

 

He finishes his breakfast and gets to his feet. There's the muffled sound of Carol's phone vibrating, and she pulls it out of her bra where she stuffed it, because ‘all my goddamn pants have fake pockets.’ Used to it by now, Daryl doesn't even blink, and instead asks, “You want anything to drink 'sides coffee?”

 

“I'm good, thanks,” she says absently, scrolling through her phone with a slight frown on her face.

 

“Everything okay?” Daryl asks, pausing.

 

“My aunt just texted me.”

 

“What'd she say? Something wrong?”

 

“I dunno,” she says, dialing a number and bringing her phone to her ear. “She told me to call her.”

 

Daryl gets a pit in his stomach. He hovers awkwardly by the couch, not sure if he's supposed to be eavesdropping, but not quite willing to walk away.

 

“Hey, what's up?” Carol asks whom Daryl presumes is her aunt. “Okay, what does that mean…? Okay...What are the doctors saying…? Yeah, I will...Have you talked to dad…? Figures...I know, I will...Bye.”

 

She hangs up the phone and doesn't say anything right away, which makes Daryl antsy, even though that's painfully ironic of him.

 

“What is it?” he asks finally. Carol sighs and looks up at him.

 

“They moved my mom to the ICU because I guess she developed sepsis overnight.”

 

“What's that?”

 

“I dunno, it's like a blood infection I guess. My aunt says it's from the pneumonia.”

 

“Is she...is it bad?”

 

Carol looks down at her lap. She picks at a loose thread on the hem of her shirt and shrugs. “It's not good,” she says.

 

“Okay,” Daryl says. “Are you going to the hospital today then?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Do you...do you want me to go with you?”

 

Carol lifts her head at that and gives a small smile. “I'm okay for now,” she tells him. “But I'll probably text you a ton.”

 

“I'll text you back,” Daryl promises, as if that was even in question. “Let me know, though.”

 

“Know what?”

 

“Just... whatever you need, let me know.”

 

Carol regards him for a long time.

 

“I'm not sure I'll know what I need,” she admits. “I haven't been sure this whole time.”

 

“That's okay,” Daryl says to her. “We'll figure it out together.”

 

—-

 

(8:32a) *In terms of most unpleasant places in the world, the ICU definitely ranks top five.<

 

(8:35a) -wuts #1?-

 

(8:39a) >French class, obviously.<

 

(8:41a) -lmao-

 

(8:41a) -how is she?-

 

(8:45a) *Idk. Not good.*

 

(8:46a) *She's on a breathing machine and has a feeding tube and a heart monitor and I'm just like, is there any part of her body that's working by itself?*

 

(8:50a) -is she awake?-

 

(8:54a) *No, and ig when she is she's just super disoriented.*

 

(8:55a) *I am unhappy.*

 

(8:57a) -i know-

 

(8:57a) -im sry-

 

(8:58a) -ricks shirt is inside out n im not gna tell him so u can laugh abt it-

 

(9:01a) *Thank you, that does bring me some joy.*

 

(9:04a) *Anything interesting happening in English class?*

 

(9:09a) -ig we're starting the shakespeare unit next week which is not gr8-

 

(9:10a) -u think i write bad half his shit aint even real words-

 

(9:13a) *God I hope she has us read it out loud.*

 

(9:17a) -im not doing tht-

 

(9:19a) *Even if she tells you to?*

 

(9:20a) -i'll fake a seizure-

 

(9:24a) *My mom's in the hospital, the least you could do is let me laugh at you trying to read Julius Caesar aloud.*

 

(9:26a) -ur my best friend but there r limits-

 

(9:27a) *Rude.*

 

(9:28a) *Will you at least say ‘zoomies’ for me?

 

(9:32a) -we'll c-

 

(9:41a) *Send me a Henry pic before you go to math so I have something to lift my spirits while you're gone.*

 

(9:45a) - _you sent a photo_ -

 

(9:47a) *Omg when did you take that?*

 

(9:48a) -the other nite. u fell asleep n henry literally pushed me off the couch to lie down w/ u-

 

(9:49a) -u guys were still all curled up 2gether by the time i passed out-

 

(9:50a) *I look awful, that is definitely not my selfie angle.*

 

(9:51a) -idk it was cute-

 

(9:51a) -i mean like-

 

(9:52a) -the dog-

 

(9:52a) -or like how the dog was slping w/ u-

 

(9:52a) -but i dnt mean u look awful-

 

(9:52a) -u look fine-

 

(9:53a) -or gud-

 

(9:53a) -not in a creepy way just like-

 

(9:53a) -jfc-

 

(9:53a) -u n the dog 2gether was cute thts all-

 

(9:55a) *Well that was entertaining.*

 

(9:58a) -stfu-

 

(9:59a) *You're cute too, Pookie.*

 

(10:00a) -gdi-

 

(10:00a) -stop-

 

(10:51a) *Are you done with math now? I'm bored.*

 

(10:52a) -ya-

 

(10:53a) *This is so stupid. It's like this mix of being really tense and scared, while also having nothing to do and being bored out of my mind.*

 

(10:58a) -u cud go harass ppl on the baby floor again-

 

(11:00a) *I tried but one of the nurses recognized me and told me to stop telling people outside the nursery that I believe my new baby can breathe underwater because I conceived it in my great-aunt's hot tub.*

 

(11:02a) -plz stop saying stuff like tht when im in class i am rly bad at covering up laughs-

 

(11:03a) *That's because you don't laugh enough. I'm actually helping you. Improving your life through my antics.*

 

(11:06a) -rite-

 

(11:07a) -y great aunts?-

 

(11:09a) *The random details are what make a good lie, Daryl.*

 

(11:10a) *That, and I just really like making people uncomfortable by making them think about a rebellious teen having unprotected sex in a poor old woman's hot tub.*

 

(11:11a) *Wish.*

 

(11:13a) -i wish ud stop tryna make me laugh in public-

 

(11:14a) *You told me your wish so it's automatically negated, guess I'll have to just keep making you laugh in public forever.*

 

(11:19a) - :/ -

 

(11:20a) -teacher is reminding us abt our speaking presentations in may-

 

(11:20a) -as if i hvnt been worried abt it since she mentioned it on the 1st day of skool-

 

(11:23a) *Holy shit, do you know what I just now remembered?*

 

(11:24a) -wut?-

 

(11:25a) *Your history presentation in 8th grade.*

 

(11:25a) *How did I forget about that???*

 

(11:27a) -oh no-

 

(11:27a) -4get abt it again-

 

(11:29a) *Chill, it wasn't even that bad, it was just maybe the literal longest amount of time any of us had ever heard you speak.*

 

(11:30a) *Remember how the teacher had to tell you to slow down bc you were talking soooooo fast?*

 

(11:32a) -we cant hang out anymore bye-

 

(11:34a) *I remember bc she made you start over from the beginning and you looked like you wanted to accept death with open arms.*

 

(11:35a) *And after all the girls were talking about how cute your lil rednecky accent is.*

 

(11:37a) -y r u doing this 2 me?-

 

(11:38a) *Did you know basically everyone had a crush on you in middle school?*

 

(11:40a) -ur lying-

 

(11:41a) *The rumors about your family mixed with how quiet you were made you seem like a “bad boy,” which is especially hilarious to me now that I know that no matter where I fall asleep you'll always make sure to drape a blanket over me.*

 

(11:41a) *Clearly you're menacing.*

 

(11:43a) -random details r wut make a gud lie-

 

(11:44a) *That's true, I'm glad you were listening, but I'm not lying.*

 

(11:45a) *Hate to break it to you, as much as you've tried to be invisible, we all were pretty curious about you.*

 

(11:45a) *Ofc I get extra points for being the first to get to know you.*

 

(11:47a) -im gna go into hiding now-

 

(11:48a) *Can I have your dog?*

 

(11:49a) -no im taking the dog-

 

(11:50a) *Can I go into hiding with you then?*

 

(11:50a) *I'll make you food that won't slowly poison you.*

 

(11:51a) -hot pockets r a wellbalanced meal-

 

(11:52a) *They really aren't.*

 

(11:56a) -k fine u can come-

 

(11:59a) *Score.*

 

(12:04p) -i h8 how much ppl tlk 2 me @ lunch whn ur not here-

 

(12:06p) *I love how much you clearly ignore them anyway since you text me through the whole thing every time.*

 

(12:07p) -¯\\_(ツ)_/¯-

 

(12:10p) -virginia beach?-

 

(12:12p) *Oh yeah I forgot to ask you!*

 

(12:13p) *You wanna come with us to Virginia Beach for spring break?*

 

(12:14p) -wut-

 

(12:15p) *It was Shane and Lori's idea. There aren't a lot of details yet, which is prob why Rick and Glenn didn't mention it, but we were thinking of road tripping to Virginia Beach and camping for a few days.*

 

(12:15p) *Did you hear the special word I used to reel you in?*

 

(12:16p) *~~~camping~~~*

 

(12:19p) - :/ -

 

(12:21p) *It'll be fun. And cheap, just gas and food pretty much. And if you get sick of people you can just go hang out in nature.*

 

(12:21p) *Plus Henry could come.*

 

(12:22p) *If I end up not being able to go bc of mom stuff then I won't harass you about going, even tho you should bc social interaction is good for you.*

 

(12:26p) -i'll go if u go-

 

(12:29p) *Seriously? I don't have to fight you on it?*

 

(12:32p) -u asked me go 2 go 2 friendsgiving n i did. this is camping. i actually like camping-

 

(12:35p) *Hell yeah.*

 

(12:35p) *You can teach everyone how to survive in the wilderness.*

 

(12:36p) *Tho n retrospect, if everyone annoys you too much you'd prob just leave us all to die.*

 

(12:38p) -not all of u-

 

(12:38p) -just glenn-

 

(12:39p) -mb shane-

 

(12:41p) *That's fair.*

 

(12:42p) *I'm looking forward to it.*

 

(12:43p) *Assuming I can go.*

 

(12:43p) *It's like a month and a half away so ig we'll see.*

 

(12:45p) -ive nvr left georgia-

 

(12:46p) *I think you told me that once. Well here's an opportunity.*

 

(12:47p) *Fair warning, tho, the drive is like 8 hrs, and they probably won't let me play Fleetwood Mac the whole way which means we'll have to listen to other ppl's music. :( *

 

(12:48p) -wut makes u think id wna listen 2 fleetwood mac for 8 hrs nyway?-

 

(12:50p) *Because you know all the words to their entire discography and you told the vet that Henry's favorite song is Little Lies.*

 

(12:51p) -...-

 

(12:51p) -shut up-

 

(12:51p) -its ur fault-

 

(12:53p) *I'll take that blame. You're welcome for enhancing your music taste.*

 

(12:55p) *Brb for a minute, my dad finally showed up.*

 

(12:59p) -aight-

 

(1:42p) *If I get arrested for patricide will you bail me out?*

 

(1:46p) -if ur bond is less thn $20 sure-

 

(1:47p) -wutd he do?-

 

(1:49p) *We caused a slight scene.*

 

(1:50p) -meaning…?-

 

(1:51p) *I asked him where tf he's been. He turned it around on me and asked where I've been staying the nights bc he knows I haven't been home and said he talked to Michonne's mom and she said I wasn't staying there. I told him I was staying with a boy bc I knew it would piss him off (sorry). He loudly accused me of doing inappropriate things. I even more loudly accused him of doing even more inappropriate things. He told me to stop talking to him like that, and I told him to stop fucking someone who's not his wife, my aunt yelled at us to stop fighting, and then we all got kicked out of the ICU waiting room. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯*

 

(1:56p) -jesus christ-

 

(1:57p) -where r u now?-

 

(1:59p) *The hospital chapel.”

 

(1:59p) *It was the first quiet place I could find.*

 

(2:00p) *Sick of bathrooms.”

 

(2:04p) -r u ok?-

 

(2:07p) *Not even a little bit.*

 

Daryl frowns at his phone. He then does something he's never done, and raises his hand in class. His shop teacher pauses mid-lecture on proper safety procedures and blinks at him.

 

“Yes?” he asks Daryl tentatively, as though Daryl raising his class is some kind of omen.

 

“Bathroom?” asks Daryl.

 

“Go ahead,” his teacher says, still baffled. Considering the number of times he's held in a piss to avoid talking in class, Daryl isn't exactly surprised at this reaction. He doesn't stop to ponder it, though. He gets out of his seat and instead of heading towards the bathrooms, he sneaks down a corridor he knows is usually deserted. He dials her number.

 

“Aren't you in class?” is the first thing she says.

 

“I asked to go to the bathroom.”

 

“Like, with your voice?”

 

“Yeah, I think I freaked my teacher out a little. What are you doing?”

 

“Hiding. From my dad. From my aunt. From my mom, and the doctors, and the ICU, and from my life, honestly.”

 

“How's that going?”

 

“Not great. Turns out hiding doesn't actually make anything go away.”

 

“Yeah, life's bullshit that way.”

 

“My dad didn't deny that he's cheating. He just called me ungrateful and out of line and informed me that I need to stop my ‘whoreish’ behavior.”

 

“Your what?”

 

“Basically he was calling me a whore for staying at your house. Seems unfair for my dad to think I'm a slut and I'm not even getting laid. Wanna have sex?”

 

“Um.”

 

“I'm just joking; maladaptive humor as a coping mechanism, you know.”

 

“Right.”

 

“I'm surprised he went right to the whore accusation. I figured he'd at least ask if you had money first.”

 

“Yeah, for someone who's so obsessed with you getting married he sure is pissy.”

 

“I'm pretty sure there's a picture of my dad in the dictionary under ‘hypocrite.’”

 

“Sorry everything is bullshit.”

 

“It's not your fault.”

 

“I know, but you shouldn't hafta deal with all this shit.”

 

“Maybe it's not a matter of should or shouldn't. Maybe it's all arbitrary and I just got dealt a shit hand. Is that blasphemous to say in a chapel?”

 

“Maybe but if God exists I think he owes you anyways.”

 

“I'm so tired, Daryl.”

 

“I know.”

 

“At least I have you, though.”

 

“Most I ever do is say sorry and send you dog pictures.”

 

“Wrong. You saved my ass by giving me a ride, and then you never stopped taking care of me. My knight in shining armor carrying jumper cables.”

 

“Stop.”

 

“Nah, I don't think I will. Thank you, though. I know a thank you isn't really enough, but thank you for everything you do for me.”

 

“'Course,” Daryl says, leaning back against the wall, the end of school bell ringing in the distance and the sound of shuffling feet filling the halls. “I ain't going nowhere, okay?”

 

He hears Carol's shaky breath on the other end. She whispers,

 

“Okay.”

 

—-

 

_February 4th_

_Thursday_

 

(3:09p) -hey r u busy?-

 

(3:11p) *No, just trying to do homework until someone tells me that something's changed with my mom's status.*

 

(3:12p) *Did I tell you my new hiding spot is on the roof of the emergency room parking garage? Bc it is and it's great.*

 

(3:13p) -nah u didnt-

 

(3:13p) -question-

 

(3:14p) *Yes?*

 

(3:15p) -can i come by n c u? i promise i wont stay long but i needed 2 give u a thing-

 

(3:16p) *A thing?*

 

(3:16p) -ya-

 

(3:17p) *You can come see me. Hell, you can stay as long as you want. I actually am pro anything that will piss off my dad right now. He might yell at you for turning his daughter into a slut tho.*

 

(3:18p) -ya i'll just meet u on the parking garage-

 

(3:18p) -dnt need 2 meet ur dad-

 

(3:18p) -mb ever-

 

(3:19p) *Bummer, I would have liked to piss him off.*

 

(3:19p) *When are you coming?*

 

(3:20p) -leaving now-

 

(3:21p) *Mk.*

 

(3:21p) *I'll be here.*

 

(3:22p) -omw-

 

—-

 

After getting turned around a little, Daryl finds his way to the top of the parking garage. Down below is the sound of occasional sirens from ambulances leaving and returning to save the sick and injured. He doesn’t like it. It reminds him of the blaring of the fire trucks surrounding the ashes of his home, everyone’s eyes on him and dousing him with pity. Not sympathy. Not love. Pity.

 

He tunes them out the best he can and wanders around until he sees Carol. She’s perched on an air conditioning unit near the edge. She has a history book open on her lap, but her gaze is trained out across the hospital campus, not fixed on anything in particular.

 

“Hey,” Daryl says, walking over. She looks towards his voice and gives him a small smile.

 

“Hey,” she says, scooting over to make room for Daryl to sit beside her. He does. They sit in silence for a minute or so, Daryl joining her in watching nothing, with Carol’s sadness and exhaustion radiating off of her in waves. Without a word, Daryl takes his backpack off and rummages inside it. He grabs hold of an envelope, a little bent, and hands it to Carol. She gives a bemused frown. “What’s this?” she asks.

 

“Happy birthday,” he mutters, staring down at his lap. At her silence he hazards a glance at her. She’s regarding him with a face of wonder.

 

“You remembered,” she says.

 

“‘Course,” says Daryl. “Woulda said something earlier, but I wanted it to be, I dunno, a surprise I guess. Maybe that’s dumb, sorry.”

 

“It’s not dumb,” Carol says sincerely. She turns the envelope over in her hands, examining it. “Can I open it?”

 

“Yeah. It ain’t like...it’s not a usual gift. When I thought about what you might want there wasn’t nothin’ I could think of that you’d care about, so I gave you the best thing I could come up with. Sorry if it’s no good.”

 

“Shush,” Carol says absently, hooking her nail under the envelope flap and tearing it along the fold. Daryl watches anxiously as she pulls out the letter inside. She does a quick scan of it, and once she realizes just what it actually is, she beams at him. “Words,” she says. “You gave me words.”

 

“Mm,” Daryl acknowledges. “I been tryna write it since fucking mid-January; you know I suck at writing. That’s about the fifth or sixth draft. Hopefully you can read my handwriting. Didn’t feel right to type it.”

 

“Let’s see if I can,” she says, turning back to the letter. Daryl instantly turns red.

 

“Don’t gotta read it while I’m here,” he says.

 

“Too late,” she says, and shushes him again. Daryl chews on a cuticle and frets, foot tapping on the concrete of the rooftop.

 

The note reads:

 

_Carol_

 

_I ain’t good at this shit, in fact I’m real bad at it, but I’m gonna try. First, I’m real sorry you gotta go through all the crap you go_ ~~_threw_ ~~ _through but you’re real strong and if anyone can survive it it’s you._ ~~_Your_ ~~ _You’re also super smart and funny. You’re right I don’t laugh much but you make me laugh all the time cuz you make jokes I don’t ever expect and you surprise me. It’s real crazy how I can spend time with you and not be anxious. You make me feel safe and_ ~~_comfertble_ ~~ _comfortable which is a big deal cuz I ain’t ever been comfortable with people before I met you. I am happy that you decided I was worth talking to cuz this year has been my best one so far tho I guess the bar isn’t that high haha. It is cuz of you that I am friends with Glenn and Rick and if you tell them this I’ll kill you but_ ~~_their_ ~~ _they’re pretty alright. I know I don’t have a lot of friends but even if I did I think you would still be the best out of all of them. I care about you a whole lot and I_ ~~_belief_ _beleive_~~ _believe (goddamnit) you will get out of here and do cool things cuz you’re too special to be stuck in this bullshit forever. Maybe if I get lucky some of that will rub off on me and I can get out too. I guess we’ll see. Anyway happy birthday. Thanks for all of it._

 

_Daryl_

 

At his side, Carol folds the letter back up. Daryl waits nervously, foot tapping faster.

 

“Oof,” he says as Carol engulfs him in a tight hug. He maneuvers himself so that he can properly hug her back, and she squeezes him tighter still. She buries her face in his shoulder and makes no moves to pull away, so Daryl just strokes her hair absently and asks, “You okay?”

 

“No, but this helped,” she says, voice muffled against his vest. She finally lifts her head and looks at him with glossy eyes. “Thank you,” she says. She’s so close to him that he could count her freckles. If he wanted to, he could lean in those final few inches and press his mouth to hers, but now isn’t the time. He can’t do that here, with sirens wailing, and Carol’s mom’s precarious heart beating what may be some of its last beats. He loosens his grip on her and pulls away.

 

“Ain’t nothin’,” he mumbles, but he says it with a smile. She gives a little snort and hits him playfully on the arm.

 

“Shut up,” she says. She breathes out a long sigh and shakes her head. “You’re the only one who remembered, you know?”

 

“Your birthday?”

 

“Yeah. Not like it’s most people’s fault, I think I only ever told a couple of my friends, and that was years and years ago. Nowadays I don’t tell people. But I wanted...I had hoped that maybe, just maybe, dad would have put aside the bullshit long enough to care. I know that’s stupid, but—”

 

“It ain’t,” Daryl says sharply. When she shrugs, he puts a finger under her chin to make her look at him, and he tells her again, “It ain’t. You’re his kid. He should give a damn.”

 

“Yeah, well, you know just as well as I do that being someone’s kid doesn’t mean they treat you right.”

 

“I do know that; don’t mean it’s right.” He lets his hand fall back to his side as Carol gives a small hum in response. Daryl chews on the inside of his lip for a moment, debating, and eventually decides to ask, “How’s she doin’?”

 

“I think we’re just playing a waiting game,” Carol says, her voice flat and eyes cast back out at nothing. “Her body’s not fighting the infection. Eventually it’s gonna give up. She’s got a DNR, so the second it does, that’s it.”

 

“What’s a DNR?”

 

“Do not resuscitate. If she goes into cardiac arrest the doctors aren’t supposed to save her. It’s been in her advanced directive for years. Back when she still had her mind she’d always say that’s what she’d want if she was in a state like this. I can’t even be mad at her; I’d do the same thing.”

 

“She’d talk about that kind of shit to you?”

 

“She had to. She’s known for a long, long time that she was going to die. So have I.” Carol frowns down at her lap. “I just didn’t expect to feel so unprepared.”

 

“Some things you can’t prepare for,” Daryl says.

 

“Well that’s dumb,” Carol says stubbornly, and Daryl laughs a little.

 

“I got another thing for you; might cheer you up a bit.”

 

“Oh? Do show,” she says. Daryl reaches back into his bag and pulls out a second envelope.

 

“This one ain’t from me,” he says, handing it over. She gives him a puzzled look as she tears it open and pulls out the card inside. It’s a pretty generic birthday card, but when she opens it she bursts out laughing.

 

“Fuck your present, this one is way better,” she says, looking at the two muddy paw prints on either side of the card, with a tiny ‘Love, Henry’ at the bottom. “How’d you get him to do this?”

 

“It was easy. The shithead always seems to be covered in mud.”

 

“Like father like son,” Carol muses, glancing down at the crust of mud around Daryl’s boots. He shrugs.

 

“I can’t bake for shit, but I bought a whole box of Little Debbie snack cakes. Don’t got no candles, though.”

 

“You had me at Little Debbie snack cakes,” Carol says wistfully. Daryl grins and finds them in his bag, and the two of them split the box down the middle and eat every last one.

 

—-

 

Draft #1

 

_Dear Carol,_

 

_That’s how_ ~~_your_~~ _you’re supposed to start letters right? With the word dear? Sounds all fancy and shit and that don’t really seem right. Makes it seem too serious. I don’t even remember wtf I was writing this is dumb I already fucked up this is gonna go great._

 

_From Daryl_

 

Draft #2

 

_Hey,_

 

_This is Daryl. You already know that. Whatever. I am trying to write nice things to you but I don’t know how the fuck to do that. How do people just say things? Blah blah blah you’re the best thing in my life blah blah blah this is a fucking disaster and I hate myself I am throwing this in the trash._

 

_Daryl_

 

Draft #3

 

_C,_

 

_I can’t_ ~~_fukcing_~~ _fucking think of what to say cuz you wore that goddamn dress today and then sat next to me on the couch in it for three goddamn hours and now you’re asleep in my bed and I just keep thinking about how pretty you are. You are so pretty. So so so so fucking pretty and it’s stupid and I hate that I care but I care so much goddamnit fuck this fuck you except not really cuz_ ~~_your_~~ _you’re the best and also you look real fucking good in that dress._

 

_Fuck everything._

 

_-D_

 

Draft #4

 

_To Carol:_

 

_Thunder only happens when it’s raining. Players only love you when they’re playing. Women they may come and they may go. When the rain washes you clean you’ll know._

 

_(I don’t even fucking know what that song is supposed to mean but it’s stuck in my head pretty much everyday so thanks for that.)_

 

_From Daryl_

 

Draft #5

 

_Carol_

 

_I think the problem is I have too much_ ~~_too_~~ _to say cuz you make me feel some type of way and it’s hard for me to know if I’m saying too much or too little cuz I ain’t never said nothing like this before._ ~~_Your_~~ _You’re smart and funny and beautiful and you make me feel safe and also I’m probably hopelessly fucking in love with you, isn’t that just some bullshit right? You are in my head almost as much as that stupid Fleetwood Mac song and I want to put my mouth on your mouth (that’s how Glenn says it). You make me feel good even when things are just piles and piles of shit and I don’t even know how you do it. I am so glad you had that scrap metal thing you called a truck cuz otherwise I’d of never met you and that’s the_ ~~_worse_~~ _worst thing I can think of. I want you in my life forever and if you’re sick I want to take care of you cuz I’d never do you like your dad did your momma. I’m gonna burn this fucking letter as soon as I’m done writing it but god you’re perfect. Don’t know why you give me the time of day but I’m sure as hell glad you do._

 

_Love,_

_Daryl_

 

—-

 

_February 6th_

_Saturday_

 

Daryl’s phone rings ten minutes to three in the morning. He squints at the screen, sees the picture he set as her contact photo of her and Henry curled up on the couch, and accepts the call.

 

“Daryl?” Her voice is small; childlike; lost. Daryl swallows hard.

 

“Yeah?” he says, the gravel in his voice from sleep overshadowed by worry. She doesn’t say anything for what feels like an eternity. He can hear her breathing on the other end, but she can’t say the words. “Is she gone?” he supplies for her.

 

“Yeah,” she says, almost inaudibly.

 

“What do you need?”

 

“I don’t know,” she says. “I don’t know, no one told me what I’m supposed to do.” She sounds like she’s begging, desperately hoping for an answer from him because she’s coming up empty.

 

“Are you still at the hospital?”

 

“Yeah. Yeah I am, but I don’t think I want to be. Can you come get me? I don’t think I want to be here.”

 

“I’m on my way.”

 

—-

 

When she gets into his truck she doesn’t look like she’s been crying. In fact, she doesn’t look like anything at all. Her face is vacant. Her movements seem robotic, like she’s just going through the motions. Left foot, right foot, one after the other. He doesn’t ask her where she wants to go—the last thing she needs it more questions, more decisions—so he just drives, and drives, and drives, until they’re on a gravel road with stars above and trees on either side. Daryl pulls the truck off onto the grass.

 

“C’mere,” he says to her, motioning her to follow. She does as she’s told. Left foot, right foot.

 

He grabs the blanket from his back seat, and then helps her into the bed of the truck. He pushes her gently to get her lay down, and then settles in beside her. The truck bed is cold and uncomfortable. He lets her lay her head on his chest so she doesn’t have to rest it on the metal. They breathe in quiet tandem for a while. Aquarius is above them, starting to disappear as the sky begins to lighten.

 

“Her heart stopped,” she says into the silence of the budding dawn. “It stopped and the doctors let it because that’s what they were supposed to do, and I watched it the whole time, and then suddenly she was gone. That was it. That was the whole thing. She wasn’t awake. She didn’t say goodbye or I love you or it’ll all be okay. She just fell asleep and never woke up, and that was the end.”

 

Daryl holds her tight around the middle, his palm pressed flat against the back of her ribcage. He mutters, “I know, sweetheart,” but he’s not sure what knowledge he’s claiming.

 

“You know I’ve live nearly my whole life in fear of the day that my mother would die, and now it’s happened, and nothing has changed, because the sun is still coming up just like it always does, and the air is still chilly in the morning, and time is still passing. Nothing has changed, except everything has.

 

“I don’t know what to do, Daryl. It’s like there’s the moment when the worst thing in the world happens, and then there’s the moment after. What do you do in the moment after?”

 

Daryl doesn’t answer, because there isn’t one. He just holds her tighter and buries his face in her hair, her heart beating against his own, while somewhere in the hospital morgue her mother’s heart stays still. They fall into silence, and watch the sun rise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for minor character death
> 
> i think a lot of you predicted this. i hope i did it justice. also sorry for the lack of Team Groupchat. they'll be back soon.
> 
> also, i have no idea how many chapters are left at this point. i keep screwing up my count. it'll be a surprise (for me too).
> 
> until sunday, my loves,
> 
> -diz


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw in end notes

_ February 8th _

_ Monday _

 

(7:46a) *I can't find my math homework so I hope my teacher forgets to ask me about it.*

 

(7:48a) -y r u tryna find ur math hmwrk rn?-

 

(7:49a) *Because I need it for math class today?*

 

(7:50a) -wait r u at skool?-

 

(7:52a) *Yes.*

 

(7:53a) -y tf r u at skool?-

 

(7:55a) *Because it's Monday and we have school on Mondays? Why wouldn't I be here?*

 

(7:56a) -carol ur mom died less than 2 days ago-

 

(7:58a) *Yeah I'm aware.*

 

(7:59a) -u shudnt be here-

 

(8:02a) *Everything's too depressing at home, besides, don't wanna get behind. It's fine. I'm fine.*

 

(8:05a) -carol…-

 

(8:09a) *We're starting Julius Caesar today right?*

 

(8:11a) -ur changing the subject-

 

(8:14a) *No, I'm asking a question, but what the fuck ever, I'll just shut up ig.*

 

(8:16a) -dont get mad at me plz im just worried abt u-

 

(8:20a) *Would you rather I lock myself in my room and weep?*

 

(8:23a) -no-

 

(8:23a) -or idk mb-

 

(8:23a) -i just dont think u shud be here 2day-

 

(8:26a) *Well I didn't ask you. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯*

 

(8:31a) -k-

 

—-

 

After the bell rings at the end of history class he gathers his things and heads to english where she's already seated in her usual spot in the front row.

 

Despite her claims, she looks about a thousand miles from fine. Her hair is a mess, her clothes look slept in, and her eyes are sunken and surrounded by circles that are the darkest Daryl's ever seen them be. He steps up to her desk and hovers beside it. His presence doesn’t seem to register with her right away. He nudges her shoulder with the back of his hand to get her attention and she turns her head and stares at him, blinking a couple times before she appears to realize he’s there. 

 

“What?” she asks. He thinks she’s trying to sound hostile, but her voice is just flat. He can’t think of anything to say that won’t escalate her, so instead he hesitates before taking the seat that is always empty, right beside her in the front row. She frowns at him. “What are you doing?” she asks.

 

“Sitting,” he says, taking out his materials and arranging them on his desk. He fiddles with his pencil, weaving it between his fingers, uncomfortable as his classmates filter in, a couple of them casting him confused looks.

 

“Dude?” Rick says when he comes in, taking his usual place behind Carol, adjacent to Daryl’s new spot. “Why aren’t you in your corner?” Daryl glances at Carol, who trains her eyes at her notebook, and shrugs.

 

“Changing it up today,” Daryl says. He doesn’t offer further explanation, and Rick knows better than to press him. Shane comes in a minute later and takes his place directly behind Daryl. Shane clasps him on the shoulder, making him wince.

 

“Hey man, you finally joining the cool kids up here?” he says, Daryl’s evident discomfort going unnoticed. Daryl shrugs and focuses his attention to the front where the teacher is clearing her throat to get the class’s attention. She notices Daryl up front, and though her brow furrows briefly, she graciously doesn’t draw attention to him.

 

“Today we’ll be starting our Shakespeare unit. I trust you all did the background reading and brought your copies of the play?”

 

A shuffling sound rumbles through the room as students get their books and papers out. Next to him, Carol doesn’t move. Daryl doesn’t think she’s listening. She’s absently drawing sloppy circles in her notebook, her grasp on her pencil loose and uncontrolled. 

 

“To get used to the unfamiliar language and cadence I’m going to have us read the first couple pages aloud,” says the teacher, flipping open her own copy of the play. “Who’d like to volunteer first?” Her eyes scan the motionless crowd of unwilling students. She lands on Carol. “Miss Miller,” she says, a smugness in her voice, thinking she's caught a disobedient student red-handed. At her name, Carol's hand stills and she blinks up at the teacher with the same vacant expression she gave Daryl.

 

“What?” she asks. The teacher purses her lips and Daryl can already hear the lecture she's about to deliver on Carol.

 

“I'll read it,” he blurts out. Every head in the class turns towards him and he wants to dig a deep, deep hole and bury himself inside it. Carol squints at him, like she knows he's doing something for her but her mind is too unfocused to understand what.

 

“Um,” the teacher falters. “Alright, Mr. Dixon, go ahead and read that first paragraph to us.”

 

Daryl takes a deep breath, pretends he's anywhere but here, and stumbles through the first several lines of the play. By the end he's scarlet and muttering, and refuses to look up, not wanting to see his classmates surely snickering at him. He hears the teacher thank him and go onto the next student, giving Daryl the freedom to try and quell the rush of adrenaline churning his stomach. He is definitely going to overthink that entire minute of his life over and over all day, and, possibly, until he dies.

 

Once his breathing is regulated he glances up at Carol who is watching him with an expression that appears almost apologetic. The teacher has her back turned, writing something about iambic pentameter on the blackboard, and Daryl takes this opportunity to reach into Carol's backpack, which is open and sat between their two seats. She lets him rummage inside it until he finds her copy of the play. He hands it to her and whispers, “Page nine.”

 

She takes it and nods, her movements slow and uncertain. She turns each page one by one until she gets to the right one. Daryl's phone vibrates. He glances up at the teacher and then reads the text with his phone under his desk.

 

(9:19a) >What the fuck?<

 

(9:20a) -later-

 

(9:23a) ~what i'd miss?~

 

(9:25a) >Daryl volunteered to read out loud in class.<

 

(9:25p) >/Shakespeare/<

 

(9:29a) ~?????????~

 

(9:29a) ~is he broken?~

 

(9:32a) -i'll explain later-

 

(9:32a) -let it be 4 now-

 

(9:33a) -plz-

 

After his last text Daryl shoots a glance at Rick, who frowns at him and mouths, “You okay?”

 

“Later,” Daryl mouths back, and turns his attention back to the front.

 

After a while the bell rings. Carol shoves her things into her bag haphazardly and gets up from her seat quickly and robotically. Rick and Shane try and accost Daryl about his unorthodox behavior, what with his apparent new found love of Shakespeare literature and all, but he waves them off and hurries after Carol. 

 

He just barley catches her before she disappears into the crowd. He grabs her shoulder and guides her to the side against a wall of lockers, out of the way of ambling students.

 

“Daryl—” she starts, but he cuts her off, shaking his head.

 

“I dunno if this is some fucked up coping mechanism or what, and if you really gotta be here I ain't gonna stop you. I can't make you do anything, I know that. But don't pretend you're fine, okay? You might technically be here, but your brain ain't even in this zip code. Did your daddy bother to call the school? Does anyone know what happened so they might give you somewhat of a goddamn break?”

 

“No one but you knows,” Carol says. 

 

“You should at least let the teachers know, Carol. You ain't in no place to be gettin’ called on and shit. I know you don't like people knowin’...”

 

“Let them know. Let anyone you want know, I don't care,” Carol says. “Hell, have them say it over the intercom during the morning announcements. What difference does it make?”

 

“Carol, sweetheart—”

 

“Stop babying me, Daryl!” she snaps. A few kids walking by give them odd looks. Carol huffs a sigh and says quieter, “I'm okay.”

 

The act of standing seems like it's taking a monumental effort on her. She leans against one of the lockers to keep herself propped up. Her whole body is limp. 

 

“Okay,” Daryl relents, but not one ounce of him agrees.

 

—-

 

Daryl isn't sure if he should expect her at lunch or not—she's anything but predictable today—but when French class lets out he heads to the cafeteria and sees Carol in their usual meetup spot, in the middle of a conversation with Jesus.

 

“Hey,” Daryl says, coming up beside them. They halt their conversation instantly and Daryl narrows his eyes at them.

 

“Hey Daryl, how was your weekend?” Jesus says, sticking his hands in his pockets and giving him a cheery smile.

 

“Shitty,” Daryl says. He turns to Carol and asks, “Wanna go in or you wanna do the tree today?”

 

“Why would I be outside the cafeteria if I didn't want to eat in it?” she asks hotly. Daryl bristles a little. It's not at her, not really, but her irritability is a trigger—he doesn't like to be at the butt of someone else's aimless anger; he gets enough of that at home. It's not real anger, though, but grief, and he takes a deep breath to remind himself.

 

“Okay,” he says calmly, and gestures for her to go inside. They get into the lunch line. “What were you and Jesus talkin’ about?” he asks, in what he hopes is a casual tone, once he sees Jesus head off to their table with his bagged lunch. 

 

“Nothing,” she says. She scrunches her nose in disgust at the lunch options on display. “You go ahead,” she tells him. “I'm not hungry.”

 

“When was the last time you ate?” Daryl asks before he can stop himself. Carol gives him a severe look and he raises his hands in surrender. “Sorry,” he says. “Forget it.”

 

She heads off to their table, leaving him to get a mediocre lunch of lukewarm cheese pizza, sad looking green beans, and a tiny cup of diced pears. (While he wishes she would eat, he can’t exactly blame her for being less than thrilled at her options.) 

 

At the table he takes the end seat like always—there’s something about it that gives him a sense of security; likely the fact that it provides an easy escape. Carol is next to him because everyone leaves that space open, knowing they always sit together. 

 

“Okay, but like,” Shane is saying to Aaron and Jesus, a serious look on his face, “what exactly  _ is _ a twink?”

 

It is questions like this that make Daryl glad he has an easy escape. 

 

“Well lunch has been fun,” Daryl says, making to leave, but three different pairs of hands—Rick’s, Carol’s, and Michonne’s—tug him back down. He sighs and starts opening his milk carton to give off the air of someone Not Paying Attention.

 

“I swear to God, Shane, if you ask me the difference between butches and femmes next…” Tara says, cracking up.

 

“I think a more in-depth conversation is needed for you to truly understand the nuances of queer culture, Walsh,” Jesus says with faux concern. Aaron elbows Jesus in the arm and rolls his eyes.

 

“A twink is essentially a young, effeminate gay man,” he explains.

 

“Like, if Glenn were gay, he’d totally be a twink,” Tara supplies. Daryl chokes on his milk, giving up his facade of pretending to ignore them all. Carol leans in so that only he can hear and whispers,

 

“See, if I’d have skipped school you would have had to deal with this conversation all on your own.”

 

“This ain’t nothin’,” Daryl counters. “Last week Tara spent fifteen minutes tryna explain dental dams to Shane.” Carol grins, and while it’s not as bright as it could be, it’s a nice sight. 

 

“Hey Carol,” Lori says then. “How’s your mom doing?”

 

Any trace of her short-lived smile disappears from her face, and Daryl could throttle Lori. Everyone looks at Carol expectantly. She picks at some dirt under her nail and shrugs nonchalantly.

 

“Oh, she died late Friday night,” she says casually, like it's a light annoyance at best. Daryl grimaces down at his lunch tray, and feels rather than sees the dumbfounded looks on the faces of their friends. There’s a ringing silence while they wait for her to tell them she’s joking, but there is no joke here. 

 

“You’re serious?” Shane asks. Daryl glances over at Carol who is shrugging again.

 

“Yeah. Couldn’t fight the infection. She went into cardiac arrest.”

 

“Oh my God, Carol—” Michonne starts, but Carol cuts her off.

 

“Don’t,” she says sharply. “It’s fine. Shit happens, right?” 

 

“Sure, shit happens, but this is like…” Glenn searches for the words. “Your mom really just  _ died _ ?” 

 

“Should I say in French? Spanish? Yeah, she died.” Everyone is at a loss for words. “Let’s talk about something else,” Carol says, like the topic of her mother’s death is some dull anecdote about the weather she’s tired of discussing. Everybody waits for someone else to say something, so no one says anything.

 

“Any new updates on the spring break thing?” Daryl asks, smashing pears into mush with the back of his fork. 

 

“Um,” Shane says. “Uh, yeah so, I was thinking it’d be good to take two cars. My mom’s willing to let us use her SUV…” 

 

The conversation goes from there, tense and unnatural, but at least the focus is off of Carol. Daryl doesn’t hear a word. He’s watching her out of the corner of his eye. She looks like how a flatline sounds—one long, continuous nothing. She’s twirling one of her curls around her finger and then letting it spring free again, over and over; a pointless, repetitive action he doesn’t think she’s even aware she’s doing.

 

When the end of lunch bell rings, she swings her backpack over her shoulder and gives him a tight smile before showing herself out the door ahead of everyone else. He’s so engrossed in watching her leave that he startles when Glenn and Rick grab hold of each of his elbows and drag him over to a more secluded area to keep from being overheard.

 

“Dude, what the fuck?” Glenn whispers harshly. “Is she for real?”

 

“Yeah,” Daryl says, tugging his arms out of their grasps.

 

“Shouldn’t she be at home like, grieving or something? Have you told her she shouldn’t be at school?” asks Rick, almost accusatory.

 

“The fuck do you think I’ve been trying to do all morning?” Daryl asks hotly, his frustration threatening to boil over. “She’s stubborn as fuck, man, and I think she’s forcing herself to try and be fine when she ain’t never seemed more fucked up.” 

 

“Has she talked to you about it?” Glenn asks.

 

“I saw her right after it happened—like, four in the fucking morning—and yesterday she was pretty quiet. I didn’t expect her to be here today, but she’s stuffed that shit down real far. Guys, I don’t think she’s even cried about it yet.”

 

“Is it shock?” asks Rick.

 

“Dunno,” Daryl says, rubbing his face. “I think she just don’t wanna feel it.” 

 

“That’s why she was so out of it in english class,” Rick says with sudden understanding. “Why you volunteered to read for her.”

 

“Ugh, please don’t talk about that ever again,” Daryl says, nauseous at the memory. 

 

“You gotta figure out someway to get through to her, man, you’re the only one she’ll listen to,” Glenn says.

 

“Every time I try she gets mad. Best I can do is try and keep her from going off the deep end much as possible.” 

 

“I guess, dude,” says Glenn.

 

“Let us know if there’s anyway we can help,” Rick adds. Daryl nods.

 

“Gonna be late for class,” he mutters.

 

“Alright. Well, just know you don’t have to handle this alone,” Rick says.

 

“We got your back,” says Glenn.

 

“Don’t you mean my bacterial meningitis?” Daryl deadpans, and Rick snorts.

 

“Thank gonorrhea for Glenn’s phone,” he says.

 

“Go play in traffic,” Glenn says. The three of them head out of the cafeteria together, Glenn scowling, Rick laughing, and Daryl feeling a bit of the weight lifted off his shoulders.

 

—-

 

(1:59p) ~you guys ever think about mortality?~

 

(2:02p) -jfc-

 

(2:03p) >Can we not go here?<

 

(2:07p) ~i’m sorry, but this carol shit got me thinking about the fragility of existence and how any one of us could die at any moment and we have no way of telling when that moment is going to be.~

 

(2:10p) >Good, Glenn is having an existential crisis.<

 

(2:12p) -i can tell u whn ur gna die if u dnt stfu-

 

(2:14p) ~are you telling me you guys never think about death?~

 

(2:16p) >Sure, but whenever it happens I do what normal people do and shut that shit right down.<

 

(2:19p) -wut rick said-

 

(2:21p) ~whatever.~

 

(2:29p) ~do you guys believe in god?~

 

(2:33p) -i h8 u-

 

(2:34p) >Come on man, it’s a Monday, give us a break.<

 

(2:39p) ~i think i’m spiraling.~

 

(2:41p) -ya think?-

 

(2:44p) ~i need something to take my mind off things. do you guys wanna go to the taco truck up the road after school? they’re having a 2 tacos for $1 deal, and i have a ten.~

 

(2:46p) -...kinda-

 

(2:48p) >Yeah, I’m down.<

 

(2:50p) ~sweet. meet you guys at the bike rack out front.~

 

—-

 

“I think we got too many tacos,” says Rick as the three of them try and balance twenty one tacos on their laps. (The man running the truck gave them one on the house so they could divide the tacos equally amongst themselves.) They’re sitting on a bench on the outskirts of a playground. A few younger kids from the elementary school near their high school are playing on the equipment, their laughs and chatter a distant background noise.

 

“No such thing,” Glenn insists, distributing them each their allotted seven tacos. Daryl is doubtful, but mutters a thanks anyway when Glenn gives him his share. 

 

“Any word on how Carol’s doing?” Rick asks, taking a bite of taco. 

 

“She texted a couple things earlier, but nothin’ important. Think she knows I’m worried about her so she’s avoiding me much as she can.” 

 

“It’ll have to hit her sooner or later, won’t it?” Glenn says with his mouth full.

 

“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of,” Daryl says, eating half a taco in one bite. He swallows, and adds, “What if she shoves it down so much that when she finally does feel it she just, like, completely loses her shit?”

 

“I don’t know, maybe this is just how she handles grief?” Rick suggests.

 

“None of us know what it’s like to lose a parent,” Glenn adds. Daryl grimaces.

 

“I do,” he says. At the looks on their faces, he says, “Mom did in a house fire when I was seven.”

 

“Oh,” Glenn says sheepishly.

 

“It’s fine, you can take that foot out of your mouth,” Daryl tells him with a small smile. “‘Sides it ain’t quite the same. I was pretty young, and Carol’s relationship with her mom was...complicated.” 

 

“Did you go through a phase like hers when it happened to you?” Rick asks. Daryl tries to remember. The fire itself he can remember like it was yesterday, and the empty hole it left in his gut hasn’t ever fully went away, but the days surrounding it are such a blur for him. 

 

“I don’t think so,” he says. “Like, shock’s definitely a real thing, but what she’s got ain’t shock. She has straight up denial. Feels like she’s doing whatever she can to convince herself she can just skip the whole grief part.”

 

“But that’s not how it works?” Rick says.

 

“Nah,” Daryl says. “Sooner or later, even if she thinks she’s better off not letting herself, she’s gonna have to feel it.”

 

“You know she’s stubborn as hell, right? It might take a while,” says Glenn.

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

“I take it that until she’s handing everything better we’re gonna have to put a hold on matchmaking, huh?” Rick asks.

 

“Yeah, I can’t put that on her right now. Wouldn’t be right, she’s too vulnerable.”

 

“I get it,” Glenn says. “But it still sucks ass.”

 

“Mm,” Daryl agrees, shoving another giant bite into his mouth. 

 

Down the hill on the playground more children have shown up. They’re pushing each other on the swings, playing in the sand, and going down the slides. The weather is still brisk, but they’re coming out of the worst of winter, with spring at its heels. The trio absently stuffs their faces, ruminating on life, death, and how 21 tacos may be too many.

 

“I think I need to make a bucket list,” Glenn pipes up.

 

“You mean a private bucket list that you keep to yourself and don’t tell us about?” Daryl asks hopefully.

 

“No, you guys can help me,” Glenn says, and both Daryl and Rick groan. “I think my first one is that I want to steal from a convenience store.” 

 

“The first thing on your bucket list is that you wanna get charged with a misdemeanor?” Daryl asks, scrunching up his face in confusion.

 

“Well I don’t want to get caught, obviously, but don’t you guys ever want to have that little thrill of committing a crime? Just once?”

 

“I’m planning on going to the police academy,” says Rick.

 

“I’ve had a fake ID since I was fourteen. My brother gave it to me so I could start buying him and my dad cigarettes,” says Daryl. He glances at Rick and adds, “Don’t arrest me.” 

 

“No badge yet,” Rick assures him.

 

“‘Sides, you got piss drunk with us just a few weeks ago. That’s a crime,” Daryl reminds Glenn.

 

“Yeah, but everyone underage drinks. I wanna do something a little more adventurous.”

 

“You’re an idiot,” says Daryl.

 

“It’s my bucket list, I’ll put what I want on it.”

 

“Okay, so number one on your list is to do something really stupid,” says Rick. “What’s number two?”

 

“Hm, I dunno. Maybe to try something out of my comfort zone sexually,” says Glenn. “You know that blog I read? The author recently made a post about pegging and—mmph!” 

 

“Nope, we’re done,” says Daryl, shoving a taco into Glenn’s mouth. “No more.” 

 

“Well we now have official proof that Glenn’s life goals are things he should keep to himself. How about you Daryl? You got any big bucket list items?” Rick asks while they both ignore Glenn cough on taco between them.

 

“Shit man,” Daryl says with a snort. “I barely know what I wanna do next week let alone in my whole lifetime. All I care about is tryna be somewhat content with whatever the fuck I’m doin’. I don’t need no list.”

 

“In this vision of you being content,” Glenn asks, voice raspy from choking, “are you being content with a certain special someone else?”

 

Daryl glares at him.

 

“Shut up,” he says, and throws a taco at his head.

 

—-

 

When Daryl pulls up his drive on his motorcycle, Carol is sat in the grass, leaning against the dog house, Henry resting in her lap, a cigarette in her hand. He parks the bike, swings his leg over, and walks over to them. 

 

“Hey,” she says, squinting up at him. “I can leave if you want. I was avoiding home and just kind of ended up here.”

 

“You know it’s fine,” he says, lowering himself to the ground and putting his back against the dog house too. He gives Henry some back scratches as Carol takes a drag on her cigarette. Daryl notices a handful of used butts littered around her. An open pack is by her knee, a lighter sat atop it. “Where’d you get the smokes?” 

 

“Perk to getting older,” she says, exhaling a cloud of white smoke. “I can legally consume nicotine in the state of Georgia.”

 

“Mm.” Daryl says. He kicks at the dirt. “And any particular reason why you smell like a goddamn dispensary?” Carol looks at him sharply. 

 

“What are you talking about?” she asks. Daryl presses his lips together in a straight line and raises an eyebrow.

 

“Carol, I ain’t stupid. You bought pot from Jesus, didn’t you?” When she has the audacity to look defensive, Daryl rolls his eyes. “I can smell it, and I know it ain’t Henry.” Carol glares at him for a long moment before letting out a sigh. She puts out her cigarette and then reaches into the pocket of her hoodie. She pulls out a small baggie with a couple buds inside it.

 

“You caught me, congratulations,” she says, scrunching the plastic absentmindedly between her fingers.

 

“Carol, anybody ten feet away from you with a working nose would have caught you. Lucky it was just me.”

 

“Whatever,” she says, furrowing her brow and frowning. “I haven’t smoked it, if you’re wondering.”

 

“You have no idea how, do you?” Daryl asks. She glances over at at him and they both laugh a little.

 

“No,” she says. “I’ve only tried it once at a football game after party, and I don’t remember how it worked.” 

 

Daryl nods. He regards her for a minute. She is exhausted and gaunt; she reminds him of a ghost.

 

“What are you doing, Carol?” he asks softly. She brushes her hair out of her face and shrugs.

 

“I don’t know,” she says. The honesty in her voice is gut-wrenching. “I have no idea.” She picks up her pack of cigarettes and lights up another. She scrunches her nose on the inhale, and he knows that with no food, no sleep, and no tolerance she’s got to be nicotine sick by now.

 

“Drugs aren’t gonna make it go away,” Daryl says. She doesn’t respond; just stares at the end of her cigarette, following the line of smoke that rises from the end. 

 

“I want a tattoo,” she says suddenly. Daryl blinks.

 

“What?” he asks.

 

“A tattoo,” she says again. “I wanna go get a tattoo. Right now.” 

 

“Have you ever in your life wanted a tattoo or did you just decide this in the past thirty seconds?” 

 

“More like the past hour,” she says.

 

“Then no, you’re not getting a tattoo.”

 

“I wasn’t aware you were in charge of what I can and can’t do,” she says, ashing her cigarette. Daryl bristles again and swallows it down.

 

“I ain’t, but you’re being...I don’t know, reckless. You’re doing everything in the world you can to not hafta grieve.”

 

“So now your my psychologist?”

 

“No, I’m your friend.”

 

They glare at one another, at an impasse.

 

“A tattoo is better than drugs, right?” Carol says finally. “Nothing big or anything. Just some stupid flash tattoo where no one can even see it. I can go to that place nearby the diner, they’re open late.”

 

“The guy that owns that place used to run in my brother’s circle. He’s a creep, Carol, he’ll hit on you the entire time.”

 

“Whatever, that’s ninety percent of my job, I’m used to it.”

 

“Do you even have the money? Even a flash tat is gonna run you $75 at least.” 

 

“Oh, did I not tell you? I decided not to pay any of my dad’s bills anymore, so I’m rolling in money.”

 

“By which you mean you got like $300 and probably no electricity at home?”

 

“Are you coming or not?”

 

Daryl groans and rubs his eyes with the palms of his hands. He lets them drop and gives her a steady look.

 

“I will, but I got conditions.”

 

“What conditions?” 

 

“First, you gotta eat something. That ain’t even me babying you or whatever, you’re gonna wanna have some food in you or you’re gonna pass the fuck out during it, trust me.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“‘Cause I’ve done it before.”

 

Carol drops her attitude for a moment to ask, “Wait, you have a tattoo?”

 

“Pfft, you can barely call it that, but yeah.” He rolls up his left pant leg and reveals the shitty skull and crossbone tattoo on his calf. “My brother had a friend who scratched out of his garage. I was like, fifteen or something, and thought I was hotshit. I’m lucky I didn’t get hepatitis, honestly. Which, by the way, is my second condition. I know this dude’s technically got his license, but he’s a douchebag, and I don’t know how professional he really is. If I say it’s not safe to get art done there you gotta trust me. I ain’t lettin’ you get poked with dirty needles.” He rolls his pant leg back down and looks at her expectantly.

 

“Fine,” she says. “Is that it?”

 

“One more thing,” says Daryl. He nods to the cigarette in her hand that’s nearly to the filter. “Lay off the smokes, at least for the rest of the day.”

 

“That’s awfully hypocritical of you,” she says, frowning. Daryl concedes this point with a sigh. He reaches into his own pocket and takes out his pack. He tosses it on the ground next to hers.

 

“We’ll both lay off ‘em,” he compromises. She chews her lip in thought and then nods. He nods back, gets to his feet, and then holds out his hand to help her up. “Let’s go inside. You change your clothes so you don’t smell like pot, ‘cause if he’s worth his shit he’s not gonna tattoo you if he thinks you’re high, and I’ll find somethin’ in the house to heat up for you. Deal?”

 

“Okay,” she says. “Are you gonna eat too?” 

 

Daryl’s stomach lurches at the thought.

 

“Uh, I’ll pass,” he says. “I just ate seven tacos.”

 

—-

 

“Hey! Baby Dixon!” Daryl and Carol are greeted by Merle’s friend, Huck: Tattooist, Pabst Blue Ribbon beer connoisseur, and amateur hot dog eating contest participant extraordinaire. “I ain’t seen you since before your balls dropped, boy. Ooh, and who’s this foxy thing you got with you?”

 

Daryl shoots Carol his best “I fucking told you so” look, before turning back to Huck.

 

“This is Carol. She wants a flash piece done, nothin’ fancy, you got the time?”

 

“For you? ‘Course,” Huck says happily. Daryl strongly suspects that he usually has time—most people prefer the quality tattoo shops. 

 

“Aight,” Daryl says. “While she picks something out can I check out your equipment? See how you sanitize it and shit?”

 

“Don’t trust me, huh?” Huck says, gesturing for Daryl to come take a look. Daryl nods at Carol to go leaf through the pre-drawn designs on the wall before following Huck back behind the counter.

 

“I once saw you snort cayenne pepper, so forgive me if I ain’t full of confidence.” 

 

“That was years ago, boy,” Huck says. “Though tell you what, I think my sense of smell is still fucked up from that.”

 

“You don’t say,” Daryl mutters. 

 

“How’s your brother doin’? Still locked up?”

 

“Still locked up. Seems the police don’t take kindly to meth peddlers.”

 

“Damn shame.”

 

“Sure.”

 

He lets Huck show him his setup, and while he may be an idiot, he’s a clean one. Daryl reluctantly accepts it.

 

“Does it meet your standards?” Carol says quietly when he comes back. 

 

“The equipment does,” he says. He nods his head over where Huck is setting up and says, “The artist is subpar.” 

 

“Well I’m not looking to get the Mona Lisa tattooed on me,” she says.

 

“You decide on something?”

 

“Yep.” She points to the wall. He should have known: A rose.

 

Huck gets the stencil and ink together. He doesn’t ask her for her ID, which is definitely against protocol. He hates this, but talking Carol out of it would be like trying to ask the Earth to stop rotating, and besides, it sits with him better than her getting high to take the edge off the grief she’s refusing to acknowledge. After all, isn't that essentially his family's claim to fame? Drug the pain away. He'd rather die than see Carol go down that same path.

 

“Where do you want it, sweetheart?” Huck asks with a wink. Daryl rolls his eyes.

 

“How about on my shoulder blade?” she says. “Do I need to take off my shirt?”

 

“Unless you want me to do it through your sweatshirt, honey.”

 

Daryl doesn’t have time to react before Carol is tugging off both her hoodie and her t-shirt in one fell swoop and is standing in only her bra and jeans. He averts his eyes immediately, turning a tremendous shade of red. Huck has her get up on the table on her belly, and only then does Daryl feel safe looking up.

 

“This’ll look real nice on you; you got great skin,” says Huck, and Daryl can’t decide if he wants to vomit, punch him, or both. He opts for none of the above, and instead takes the stool next to Carol. Huck places the stencil and soon the buzz of the tattoo gun fills the shop.

 

At the first prick, Carol makes a soft noise. She holds her hand out to Daryl, who takes it without question. 

 

She doesn’t let go until Huck wipes the finished tattoo clean.

 

—-

 

Back at Daryl’s place, Carol seems a bit more like herself. He knows it’s just the dopamine, he knows it’s not gonna last, but still he revels in the ability to breathe easy around her for the first time all day. Her eyes are still sad, but her rough edges are smoothed out some, and Daryl takes advantage, getting her to drink some water, and eat a little more.

 

“You staying the night?” he asks.

 

“That okay?” 

 

“‘Course.”

 

“Good, because I’m fucking exhausted,” she says. “I gotta take the wrap off this thing and wash it off before I go to sleep, though.” She gestures at her back where her new addition to her body is covered up with plastic wrap and tape. “Actually, can you help me?”

 

“Help you with what?”

 

“I can’t reach my back that easy, and I don’t feel like taking a shower. Can you help me wash it down?”

 

Like, without your shirt on? Daryl thinks but doesn’t say.

 

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he says, and follows her into the bathroom. There isn’t a lot of space between them.

 

“Here,” she says, handing him a towel and a plastic cup she snagged from the kitchen. “He said to just rinse it with cold water, not rub it or anything. Can you just pour water on it and catch it with the towel?”

 

“Mhm,” Daryl says through closed lips because he doesn’t trust his tongue right now.

 

“Okay.” She pulls off her hoodie first and tosses it on the ground. She winces a little as it tugs at the fresh wound on her shoulder. Daryl holds his breath as she lifts her shirt up from the bottom and up over her head. Daryl’s eyes follow the curve of her back, her skin freckled and smooth, before he chastises himself and brings his gaze back up to the wrapping around her tattoo.

 

“I’m gonna, you know, take this off,” he mumbles, taking the tape off her skin gently and removing the plastic wrap. “Put water in this,” he says, reaching around her to give her the cup. Pressed up against the sink, she turns the faucet and fills the cup to the brim. Daryl takes it back, spilling a little out onto his hand.

 

He presses the towel above the band of her bra, and slowly pours the water over her tattoo. She jumps a little and lets out a hiss.

 

“Sorry,” he says quickly, pausing, but she shakes her head.

 

“It doesn’t hurt, it’s just  _ cold _ ,” she explains. “Go ahead.”

 

Less sure of himself now, he hesitates before resuming washing down her tattoo. She manages to stay still. Excess ink runs down her skin onto the towel held against her. When he runs out of water, he uses the towel to very gently pat on and around the rose. 

 

“How does it look?” she asks him.

 

It’s actually a nice piece, but Daryl can barely focus on it with so many better things exposed to him, all of which he refuses to look at. He says a generic, “It looks good,” as he forces his eyes not to wander. She turns around then and he is not prepared to be face to face with her, his chest only inches away from hers. He chews on his lower lip, hard.

 

“Thank you,” she says quietly, and he knows she means more than just cleaning her tattoo. She means thank you for indulging her, for not pressing her, and for being there in the way that she needs right now, even when he doesn’t like it.

 

“I know you can’t right now,” Daryl tells her. “That you need to not think about it. Just...If you feel like you’re spiraling will you come to me before you do something dumb?”

 

“Yeah,” she breathes. “I’ll try.”

 

Daryl nods, and she seems to remember she’s wearing nothing but her bra from the waist up. She casts him a tight smile before picking up her shirt and heads into the other room. Daryl sits down on the edge of the tub, feeling out of breath even though he hasn’t been running. He pulls out his phone.

 

(10:31p) -fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuckin fucks fuck fucked fucking fukc fjajfdklsaj fdafa;fdidsaja;ak-

 

(10:33p) >Um. Everything okay there, brother?<

 

(10:34p) ~is it the tacos? because same.~

 

(10:35p) -is lobotomy still on the table?-

 

(10:37p) ~sure, though it might take us a bit to find a willing surgeon.~

 

(10:38p) >No. No lobotomies.<

 

(10:39p) -cant deal w/ this-

 

(10:40p) ~hang in there boobie.~

 

(10:40p) ~ :/ ~

 

(10:40p) ~*buddy~

 

(10:41p) >Gotta keep goin’, champ, the only way out is through.<

 

(10:43p) -fuck fuck fuck fuck-

 

(10:43p) -fuckedy fuck fuck-

 

(10:44p) -fuck me-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw discussion of drug use
> 
> it's fucking 330a my time, because this chapter was like pulling teeth. apparently carol's not the only one who's having trouble adjusting after all those strong emotions. especially bc to write carol in this i had to essentially be in a state of apathy, which does not encourage writing. this is all to say, get this thing away from me, i don't want to look at it anymore.
> 
> i have an entire week off (!!!!!!) and i'm gonna be spending a good chunk of it with our jumper cable friends.
> 
> see y'all thursday,
> 
> -diz


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw in end notes

_ March 11th _

_ Thursday _

 

(8:09p) ~i just had a thought.~

 

(8:11p) >What a momentous occasion.<

 

(8:12p) -thot this day wud nvr come-

 

(8:14p) ~these things are hurtful, you know.~

 

(8:15p) >Don't worry, thoughts get less hurtful once you've had a few.<

 

(8:16p) -i lold-

 

(8:17p) ~i didn't. do you want to hear this or not, asswipes? it has to do with our carol and daryl problem.~

 

(8:17p) ~wait a second.~

 

(8:18p) ~have your names always rhymed?~

 

(8:20p) >Did you...did you just now notice that?<

 

(8:21p) -u rly do need 2 have more thots-

 

(8:22p) ~i probably noticed like, subconsciously, but i never explicitly realized it.~

 

(8:23p) ~holy shit.~

 

(8:23p) ~you guys /have/ to get together now.~

 

(8:25p) -this convo is real dumb so far-

 

(8:26p) >Yeah, what was your original point, Glenn?<

 

(8:27p) ~k, so.~

 

(8:28p) ~daryl, you know how you spent the majority of your life being an unapproachable, angsty, vaguely intimidating social outcast with no friends?~

 

(8:30p) -fuk u but yeah-

 

(8:31p) ~k, so then what if the reason carol hasn't made any moves on you, despite you guys basically living like a goddamn married couple, isn't because she's not interested or hasn't thought about it, but because she thinks /you're/ not interested?~

 

(8:32p) ~think about it. you went like, 17 years being assumed to have no interest in anybody /platonically/, let alone romantically.~

 

(8:32p) ~plus you're super shy about things like sex, which only adds to the theory that you're not into the whole relationship scene.~

 

(8:33p) ~maybe, in a strange twist of fate, /carol's/ the one who's afraid of getting rejected.~

 

(8:34p) >You know, he might actually be onto something there.<

 

(8:35p) ~why do you always sound so surprised?~

 

(8:36p) >It took you like, five months to realize that Carol and Daryl rhyme.<

 

(8:37p) -stfu n go back 2 wut u were saying-

 

(8:37p) -u think she mite b worried abt me not liking her?-

 

(8:37p) -cuz thats real dumb-

 

(8:39p) ~well yeah, it's dumb to you, because you already know that you're madly in love with her, doodling her name on all your notebooks and imagining all the kids you'll have with rhyming names. what other names rhyme with daryl and carol?~

 

(8:40p) >Cheryl.<

 

(8:41p) ~errol. that's a name, right?~

 

(8:42p) -will u plz go fuk urselves-

 

(8:43p) ~sorry. my point is, you know you're into carol, but carol doesn't know you're into her, and the fact that you've done all this coupley stuff together without making a move might be making her think you really aren't interested.~

 

(8:45p) -ugggggggh-

 

(8:45p) -y does this shit have 2 b so complicated?-

 

(8:46p) -wut tf am i sposed 2 do? go up 2 her n be like btw i do like girls n shit im just a super broken person?-

 

(8:47p) ~pleeease say that word for word.~

 

(8:48p) >Do not say that word for word. Why don't you just go with the original plan and tell her you have feelings for her?<

 

(8:50p) -bc the mom thing happened n i lost my nerve-

 

(8:50p) -plus its only been a month n i still dnt thnk shes dealing w/ it all that gr8-

 

(8:51p) -she says shes better but idk she nvr talks abt it n its like she acts like her mom nvr existed-

 

(8:52p) ~yeah, i dunno, that's tricky. there's not really a guideline that tells you how long you're supposed to wait to confess your love for someone after their parent has died.~

 

(8:53p) -thtd be useful tho u sure ur weird sex blog dsnt have one?-

 

(8:54p) >Or has the author just been posting more things about pegging?<

 

(8:55p) ~okay, for the hundredth time, you guys didn't let me finish my sentence. i NEVER SAID pegging specifically was on my bucket list.~

 

(8:55p) ~all i was trying to say was that i think it would be good to make it a goal to branch out and try anal sexual activity.~

 

(8:56p) ~no.~

 

(8:56p) ~nonononono.~

 

(8:56p) ~*A NEW. *A NEW SEXUAL ACTIVITY.~

 

(8:57p) -like anal?-

 

(8:58p) >Rooooooofl.<

 

(8:58p) >Just admit you wanna be pegged, Glenn, it's fine. You're among friends.<

 

(8:59p) ~you guys aren't friends, you're monsters and i hate you both.~

 

(9:00p) > _ grp prjct rick changed the group name to “Anal Sexual Activity Support Group” _ <

 

(9:01p) ~i hope you get impaled.~

 

“The fuck got you so chipper? You're layin’ on your useless ass, giggling like a schoolgirl,” Daryl's dad says, coming out of his room and tossing his duffel bag onto the recliner. Daryl, sprawled out on the couch with his phone in his hand and his history book open on his belly, looks at the bag hopefully.

 

“You got a job?” he asks.

 

“Mm,” Daryl's dad grunts, shuffling to the kitchen and dropping a couple Alka Seltzer into a glass of water. “Taking a load out to New Mexico. Pro'ly gonna go up to Colorado and stay and catch up with your Uncle Johnny for a bit.”

 

Uncle Johnny isn't actually related to Daryl. He's a friend of his dad's that Daryl's only clear memory of is him snorting a line off their coffee table and then pouring beer into Daryl's cereal while he was trying to watch Saturday morning cartoons.

 

“Tell him I said hey,” Daryl says, picking his history book back up. “How long you think you'll be gone?”

 

“Why? So you know how long you can keep your girl over here?” At Daryl's eye roll his daddy snorts and says, “Please, son, this place was damn near spotless when I got home last week, and we both know you ain't got the first idea on how to pick up a broom. I'm proud of you, though! Means you finally know what a woman is good for.”

 

Daryl lets the flash of anger pass before he dares to speak again; he still has the scars from the last time he let his daddy get under his skin about Carol.

 

“Whatever,” he says flatly, eyes trained on the book in his hands that he's not reading. “Well drive safe I guess.”

 

“Be back in April. I'll give you a heads up so you got time to put your pants back on.” His dad laughs and Daryl bites his tongue.

 

“That reminds me, are you gettin’ the end of the month bills or am I? I gotta know 'cause I'm gonna be out of town first week of April,” Daryl says, glancing over to where his dad is leaning against the counter. 

 

“Out of town? Where the fuck you goin’?” his dad asks, frowning.

 

“Virginia Beach. My friends invited me to go with 'em for spring break.” Daryl swallows, and adds, “They're camping, so I figured I'd show 'em a thing or two so they don't get themselves into stupid shit out there for a week.”

 

Daryl's dad grins a little—the literal only common ground they have is a love of the outdoors.

 

“So what, you think you're just gonna up and leave for a week?”

 

“Why, you wanna call the other kids’ mamas and make sure there won't be any alcohol or somethin’?” Daryl asks, and his dad snorts.

 

“Fuck that,” he says, dumping the rest of his water and going over to shoulder his duffel bag. “Whatever, I don't give a shit. You gotta get rent this month, though. And make sure you take that yapping little fucker you call a dog with you. I ain't watchin’ that thing for you.”

 

Daryl has a pleasant mental image of Henry biting the shit out of his dad's leg.

 

“'Kay.”

 

“Aight, well I'm out of here. See you when I see you.”

 

“Yeah okay.”

 

His dad yanks open the broken door and leaves without another word. Daryl hears him cuss out Henry as the dog barks at him. Daryl settles back on the couch, breathing easier than he has in days. He takes out his phone.

 

(9:33p) -u still sick of ur aunts place?-

 

(9:37p) *I mean, it beats being home, but like…*

 

(9:37p) *Yes.*

 

(9:37p) *Kind of over sleeping on a couch and having to share it with five cats. Also she walks around naked like, a /lot/.*

 

(9:38p) *And I think she might have put something weird in her cooking because my stomach hurts.*

 

(9:39p) -gross :/ -

 

(9:39p) -well dad just left. gonna be gone until april so...-

 

(9:41p) *Please say that means I can start staying over again.*

 

(9:42p) -duh-

 

(9:43p) *Thank Christ.*

 

(9:43p) *Pretty sure I'm allergic to cats.*

 

(9:44p) -lucky 4 u i only have a dog-

 

(9:46p) *And what a spectacular dog he is.*

 

—-

 

_ March 12th _

_ Friday _

 

(7:42a) *Good morning!*

 

(7:43a) *Well, mb not “good”.*

 

(7:43a) *Sub-average morning!*

 

(7:46a) -y subaverage?-

 

(7:47a) *Bc my eyes itch from the cats, and also I'm probably going to have caffeine withdrawal bc I didn't drink any coffee bc my stomach still hurts.*

 

(7:49a) -r u sick?-

 

(7:53a) *Nah, it's not horrible or anything, I'll live, but consuming anything sounds kind of like hell.*

 

(7:56a) -if u say so-

 

(7:56a) -u still coming ovr 2nite?-

 

(7:58a) *Yes please.*

 

(7:59a) -wutd u tell ur aunt?-

 

(8:04a) *The truth. I'm 18, what is she gonna do about it?*

 

(8:07a) -fair. u tlk 2 ur dad at all recently?-

 

(8:09a) *Nope! I haven't even seen him in person since the memorial service.*

 

(8:10a) *He did leave me a lengthy voicemail the other day about not paying my share of the house bills.*

 

(8:10a) *Jokes on him, I'm not living there anymore, nor do I plan to, so I owe him nothing. He can get his girlfriend to pay his bills for him.*

 

(8:13a) -this is all justified n he deserves it but also rmnd me 2 nvr get on ur bad side-

 

(8:17a) *Lmao, am I that vicious?*

 

(8:20a) -u just dnt put up w/ bullshit-

 

(8:21a) -u shut tht shit down real fast-

 

(8:23a) *Well I guess don't bullshit me and we'll be fine.*

 

(8:27a) -noted-

 

(8:32a) *How was your dad this past week? You didn't say much.*

 

(8:36a) -it was w/e-

 

(8:37a) -i mostly just stayed out of his way n let him get high in peace. he tried 2 get a rise outta me a few times but i didnt take the bait-

 

(8:40a) *That's good, I guess.*

 

(8:42a) -beats the alternative-

 

(8:43a) -lmao ig thats a bad expression 2 use-

 

(8:45a) *Omg.*

 

(8:45a) *That's exceptionally bleak, but high five for trauma puns.*

 

(8:49a) -hi5-

 

(8:56a) -u sure ur ok? u look pale n were kinda hunched ovr ur desk-

 

(8:57a) *Yeah I'm good.*

 

(8:58a) -stomach?-

 

(8:59a) *Mhm.*

 

(9:00a) -is it getting worse? mb u have the flu?-

 

(9:04a) *Nah it doesn't feel like the flu. Probably just something I ate, like I said. My aunt likes to experiment in the kitchen and it doesn't always work.*

 

(9:06a) -k well lmk if it gets worse or if u need a 7up or smthn-

 

(9:11a) *Thanks, Pookie.*

 

(9:11a) *You ever gonna sit up front with me again?*

 

(9:14a) -i thot we agreed 2 block tht whole thing from our memories-

 

(9:16a) *Smh fine.*

 

(9:16a) *The spring play this year is Hamlet, tho. You sure you don't want to audition?*

 

(9:22a) -ur hilarious-

 

(9:24a) *Real talk: Romeo and Juliet is such a stupid-ass story.*

 

(9:25a) *Y'all have only known each other for two seconds and now you're gonna die for each other?*

 

(9:28a) -esp bc they didnt have 2 if they werent so dumb-

 

(9:32a) *Could you ever imagine loving someone so much you'd literally not be able to live without them?*

 

(9:35a) -i mean deffo not someone i knew for only a few days-

 

(9:37a) *Obviously, but like, if you had a legitimate soulmate?*

 

(9:40a) -id be rly sad tho idk if id off myself-

 

(9:41a) -esp not by stabbing myself-

 

(9:42a) *Lmao yeah. That, and I think a good partner would want the other to live on after they were gone.*

 

(9:43a) *I worry about that sometimes, bc of my maybe terminal illness.*

 

(9:44a) *T'is cruel, mayhaps, asking to hath the love of another when thine are destined for a grave most premature.*

 

(9:47a) -not entirely sure wtf u just said but i think my response is ur allowed 2 b w/ someone even if ur sick-

 

(9:47a) -which u dnt even kno 4 sure-

 

(9:49a) *Yeah yeah. Romeo and Juliet got me in my feelings.*

 

(9:50a) -well dnt let it bc its not a gud play-

 

(9:55a) -u rly look like trash-

 

(9:56a) *Fuck you too??*

 

(9:57a) -nononono-

 

(9:57a) -i mean u look like u feel like trash-

 

(9:57a) -u look u kno-

 

(9:57a) -how u always look-

 

(9:58a) -which is gud-

 

(9:58a) -or w/e-

 

(9:58a) *Lmao chill, I knew what you meant, and yeah, idk, just this dumb stomachache.*

 

(9:59a) *I'm not dying so go do math and stop worrying.*

 

(10:00a) -have u met me?-

 

(10:01a) *True. The most anxious redneck this side of Georgia.*

 

(10:51a) *Do you believe in soulmates?*

 

(10:55a) -u sound like glenn when he starts thinkin abt shit 2 hard n ends up msging the grpcht @ 1am asking if love is real or just smthn we feel 2 make us fuk each other n have babies-

 

(10:56a) *Lmao! Well, what was your answer to him?*

 

(10:57a) -stfu glenn its 1am-

 

(10:59a) *I probably could have guessed that.*

 

(10:59a) *But soulmates tho??*

 

(11:03a) -y r u asking me of all ppl?-

 

(11:06a) *Bc I'm curious of what you think.*

 

(11:09a) -idk wut exactly do u mean by soulmate?-

 

(11:11a) *Wish.*

 

(11:11a) -k did-

 

(11:12a) *Nice. And like, I dunno, a soulmate. The usual definition. Someone who is the only person on this planet who is your perfect match.*

 

(11:16a) -this convo is weird but k-

 

(11:16a) -it dsnt seem possible-

 

(11:19a) *Defend your argument.*

 

(11:21a) -yeah we both kno im gr8 @ tht-

 

(11:22a) -idk rnt there like 7 billion ppl in the world? even if there was only 1 soulmate how tf wud u ever meet them?-

 

(11:26a) *So if soulmates existed it'd be pointless bc you'd probably never find them anyway?*

 

(11:29a) -ig?-

 

(11:30a) -makes more sense 2 me 2 just find someone u like instead of worrying if theyre 100% perfect 4 u or w/e-

 

(11:34a) *That makes sense.*

 

(11:39a) -do u?-

 

(11:42a) *Believe in soulmates?*

 

(11:43a) -ya-

 

(11:45a) *Oh I have no idea, how should I know?*

 

(11:46a) -lmao ur a dick-

 

(11:47a) *Yes, but I'm your dick.*

 

(11:47a) *Wait. No. That's not great phrasing.*

 

(11:49a) -u rly r glenn 2day-

 

(11:50a) *I blame the stomachache.*

 

(11:50a) *Lunch?*

 

(11:51a) -ya omw-

 

—-

 

(12:55p) -k ur sick-

 

(12:56p) *Source?*

 

(12:57p) -u didnt eat nythng n spent all of lunch tryna pretend like u werent in pain so i wudnt notice so wut gives?-

 

(12:58p) *Omg stop noticing literally everything all the time.*

 

(12:59p) -how bad is it?-

 

(1:00p) *Sorry, history class, ttyl.*

 

(1:00p) -jfc-

 

(1:50p) -how bad is it?-

 

(1:50p) -dont lie-

 

(1:56p) *Idk it rly wasn't that bad last night or even this morning but it keeps getting worse.*

 

(1:57p) -wut kind of pain?-

 

(1:58p) *Well, Dr. Dixon, it kinda just ached in my belly for a bit but now my whole side hurts.*

 

(1:59p) -right side?-

 

(2:02p) *Ik what you're thinking, and it is not my appendix.*

 

(2:05p) -how do u kno?-

 

(2:08p) *I have a solid medical reason.*

 

(2:09p) -which is?-

 

(2:11p) *I don't want it to be.*

 

(2:14p) - :/ -

 

(2:16p) *Daryl there are like a trillion reasons why stomachs hurt, and most of them are from like, eating too much cheese or something. I'm sure it's fine.*

 

(2:20p) - :/ -

 

(2:21p) -shud i call into work so ur not all alone in case ur insides explode @ my house?-

 

(2:24p) *I don't have appendicitis!*

 

(2:24p) *Go to work!*

 

(2:25p) *Don't you only work until 6 tonight anyway? I'll be fine, Henry will be there.*

 

(2:28p) -henry cant call 911-

 

(2:32p) *Do you have definitive proof that he can't? Maybe he can but he's just never had reason to show us.*

 

(2:35p) -u give me high blood pressure-

 

(2:36p) -will u plz at least txt me if it gets worse?-

 

(2:40p) *It won't bc nothing is seriously wrong, but sure.*

 

(2:43p) -hope ur rite-

 

(2:47p) *I am.*

 

(2:48p) *Go to work, I'll see you when you get off.*

 

(2:51p) -fine-

 

(2:51p) -txt me tho-

 

(2:53p) *Yeah yeah*

 

—-

 

(3:29p) -i am into the most stubborn woman on the planet-

 

(3:33p) ~this is maggie greene erasure, but okay.~

 

(3:36p) >I see your Maggie and raise you Michonne.<

 

(3:38p) ~i’m starting to think we just know really stubborn women.~

 

(3:38p) ~anyway, why do you say that, daryl?~

 

(3:46p) -p sure shes got appendihoweveryouspellit n is refusing 2 go 2 the dr 2 find out-

 

(3:48p) ~appendicitis?~

 

(3:51p) -ya that-

 

(3:53p) ~not great.~

 

(3:55p) >Maybe she doesn’t want to go to the hospital because of bad memories?<

 

(4:01p) -fuk i didnt thnk of tht-

 

(4:03p) ~maybe she doesn’t have it at all and just has a stomachache. like maybe she just ate too much cheese or something?~

 

(4:06p) -u n carol r weirdly similar 2day-

 

(4:11p) >I guess you’ll find out one way or another. If it’s serious she won’t be able to ignore it.<

 

(4:14p) -she prob cud find a way-

 

(4:15p) -she also asked me weird stuff 2day-

 

(4:20p) ~420 blaze it, what kind of weird stuff?~

 

(4:23p) -she asked me if i believe in soulmates??-

 

(4:27p) ~say what?~

 

(4:29p) >That is kinda weird. What was the context?<

 

(4:37p) -it was after english where we’re reading tht dumb play-

 

(4:42p) ~which one are you guys reading?~

 

(4:44p) >Romeo and Juliet.<

 

(4:46p) ~hahaha, did she ask you if you’d dramatically off yourself to be with her for eternity?~

 

(4:50p) -no but she did ask if i evr wud do tht 4 someone i loved-

 

(4:53p) ~oh damn, i was kidding. see i was right, she’s totally trying to figure out if you have feelings for her/anyone.~

 

(5:01p) -y do u say tht?-

 

(5:06p) ~”daryl, do you think you could ever love someone that much?” “daryl, do you believe in soulmates?” dude, she’s basically asking you if you’d ever be able to have romantic feelings for someone.~

 

(5:08p) >I’m with Glenn, those seem like questions with an agenda.<

 

(5:11p) ~how did you answer them?~

 

(5:19p) -um i said no i wudnt kill myself n no i dnt believe in soulmates-

 

(5:26p) ~i hate you desperately.~

 

(5:30p) -i didnt say i nvr have feelings 4 ppl i just said i wudnt stab myself 2 death-

 

(5:34p) ~total missed opportunity.~

 

(5:35p) >Agreed.<

 

(5:39p) -jfc y cant she just ask me straight?-

 

(5:42p) >I dunno, why can’t you just tell her you want to be with her?<

 

(5:45p) -not the same shes less of a pussy than i am-

 

(5:47p) ~i’m starting to think you’re both pussies.~

 

(5:49p) >Agreed.<

 

(5:53p) -w/e-

 

(5:53p) -i g2g im off work n gotta go c if carol died on my couch-

 

(5:55p) ~that would solve your problem i guess.~

 

(5:57p) >Don’t stab yourself if she did.<

 

(5:59p) -u both make my life hell-

 

(6:00p) -ttyl-

 

—-

 

(6:01p) -u alive?-

 

(6:03p) *Yep.*

 

(6:05p) -u still in pain?-

 

(6:06p) *Don’t worry about it.*

 

(6:07p) -so yes?-

 

(6:07p) *Shut up.*

 

(6:09p) -i already kno the answer but do u wnt me 2 get nything 4 dinner on my way home?-

 

(6:10p) *Yeah no.*

 

(6:10p) *Thnx tho.*

 

(6:11p) -uh huh-

 

(6:11p) -be there soon-

 

—-

 

Carol is curled in a ball on the couch when he kicks in the door. She’s got a Lifetime movie playing, but she doesn’t seem to be watching it. Her eyes are shut tight, her jaw tense.

 

“Surprised you left Henry outside,” he says, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

 

“Didn’t want him jumping on me,” Carol says in a strained voice. That tears it for Daryl.

 

“Yeah, you’re going to the doctor,” he says. Carol opens her eyes and glares at him.

 

“Because I didn’t want to be jumped on when I have a stomachache?” she asks defensively.

 

“Carol. I’ve seen you let him practically knock you over when you had a cracked rib. This clearly ain’t a normal stomachache.”

 

“Technically I never got that x-rayed so it might have just been bruised,” she argues, curling even more into her fetal position. Daryl makes a mental note to tell Glenn and Rick that Carol definitely wins the stubbornness competition. 

 

“Okay, if you want me to believe you don’t need to go to the doctor then stand up straight and walk to the couch to the kitchen and back again,” Daryl says. He’s lucky the look Carol casts him doesn’t murder him on the spot.

 

“Fine,” she says, unfurling herself with a groan.

 

“Jesus Christ, you’re actually gonna...okay, fine, go ahead.” Daryl gives an exasperated sigh, watching with his arms still crossed, as Carol gets to her feet, wincing the whole way up. She inhales deeply, takes three steps, and then crumples in on herself saying,

 

“Yeah, nope, can’t do that.” Daryl goes over and helps her back to the couch.

 

“I’m taking you to the ER,” he says.

 

“No,” she says resolutely. She interrupts Daryl’s protest before it begins, saying, “I’m not going to the hospital unless I absolutely have to. If you  _ insist _ on getting this checked out, even though it is  _ nothing _ , we can go to the 24 hour clinic.”

 

“Fine,” Daryl relents. “But we’re going now.” He helps her get her shoes on and then goes to pick her up. 

 

“Um, what are you doing?” she asks.

 

“You gonna walk to the truck?” he asks. 

 

“I can walk to the truck.”

 

“You mean you’re gonna hobble there like a little old lady hunched over with osteoporosis. By the time we get there your appendix will have burst.” He scoops her up into his arms so she can’t argue the point—not that it stops her—and takes her outside and gets her inside the truck.

 

“That was completely unnecessary,” she says, the hand clamped over her side suggesting otherwise.

 

“Uh huh,” Daryl says. “You know how I know you don’t have that Huntington thing or whatever?”

 

“How?” she asks, narrowing her eyes.

 

“‘Cause when you were in your mama’s belly your genes tried to play you and you gave them one look, told ‘em to fuck off, and made yourself healthy just by being your ridiculous, headstrong self.” He smiles at her fondly and adds, “Bad news for you, I’m stubborn as fuck, too.” 

 

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” She doesn’t sound pleased about it.

 

“Buckle your seatbelt,” he says, going to shut the door. She does as she’s told, but not before flipping him the bird.

 

—-

 

“The receptionist isn’t going to be able to read your handwriting,” Carol complains, hunched so far over her head is in her lap.

 

“And you can’t sit up far enough to write on this, so shut up,” Daryl says absently, scanning the paperwork the receptionist handed them when they entered the clinic. It is all very reminiscent of the emergency vet, except instead of a yowling cat and a guy with a lizard, there’s a crying baby and someone who keeps hacking up phlegm into a kleenex. “You have government assistance insurance, right? Didn’t you complain to me about how annoying it was to apply for?”

 

“Mhm,” Carol mumbles into her knees. 

 

With the clipboard in his hands, scribbling down information, Daryl briefly wonders if their friends have any idea how things like this work. Do Glenn’s parents make his doctor’s appointments for him? Has Rick ever wondered if he could afford a hospital visit? Have any of them ever been responsible for their own groceries or paying their own bills? Have they ever not known for months on end how long they’d be home alone? Unlikely, Daryl thinks, and for a moment he feels much older than his seventeen years. At least he has Carol with him, who seems to have had to age just as fast.

 

“You on any meds?” he asks, going down the form.

 

“No,” she says, her voice muffed.

 

“Allergic to anything?”

 

“Cats, apparently, but no medications.”

 

“Have you had any surgeries?”

 

“No.”

 

“Last day of your last period? Oh wait, it was Tuesday.”

 

“Why the fuck do you know that?” Carol asks, squinting up at him. 

 

“‘Cause you texted me when I was in science class, in all caps, ‘praise be to the duolingo owl, my vagina is no longer like the elevator scene in  _ The Shining _ .’ I assumed that meant your period was done.” 

 

“Why do you blush so hard when anyone gives you a benign compliment, but you can talk about periods with a completely straight face?”

 

“I dunno?” Daryl says with a shrug. “It’s just a thing that happens, I don’t get what’s so gross about it.” 

 

“Hm,” Carol hums, putting her face back down on her knees in pain. Muffled again, she says, “You know by that alone that makes you one of the most sought after men in existence?” 

 

“Well that’s dumb,” Daryl mutters, turning back to the form.

 

“I’m not looking but I know you’re blushing.”

 

“Shut up.” He gets down to the family history and discreetly marks down “deceased” under mother. “‘Sides the obvious, your family got any health problems?”

 

“Dad has a chronic case of douchebaggery, and my aunt probably has toxoplasmosis from all the cat shit in her house, but otherwise, no.” 

 

“‘Kay, that’s it then,” he says, and takes the form back up to the receptionist, who smiles at him.

 

“You’re such a sweet boyfriend, spending your Friday night making sure she’s okay,” she says to him, nodding over at Carol. “She’s a lucky girl.”  

 

“Oh, uh,” Daryl starts, but the phone rings and receptionist picks it up. Awkwardly, he goes back to his seat and is thankful Carol is still in a ball and can’t see him going scarlet a second time.

 

“Daryl?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“My stomach hurts.”

 

“I know,” he says, rubbing her back. 

 

“It’s not appendicitis, though.”

 

“Right, you just ate too much cheese.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

Daryl huffs a laugh and gives a fond eye roll that goes unseen.

 

—-

 

Daryl sits stiffly in the corner of the examination room Carol insisted on him accompanying her to, while a tired looking nurse runs through another series of questions for Carol, who is sat on the exam table, still hunched over.

 

“Any chance you may be pregnant?” the nurse asks her.

 

“No,” Carol says into her knees. The nurse casts a look at Daryl that’s so quick he almost misses it.

 

“Are you on any form of birth control?” the nurse asks, and Daryl suddenly understands what she’s insinuating, and blushes a third time.

 

“No, but I’m not having sex,” Carol says, sounding annoyed. Daryl’s heart does a funny little skip, even though he surely he would have known if Carol was having sex with anyone—still, the confirmation is nice. The nurse draws her lips into a thin line and raises a doubtful eyebrow, but doesn’t press the issue. 

 

“I’m going to take your vitals,” she says, and Carol forces herself upright enough for the nurse to slip a blood pressure sleeve around her upper arm. Carol finds Daryl and sticks her lower lip out at him, looking positively miserable. 

 

“Fuck this,” she mouths at him.

 

“Sorry,” he mouths back.

 

“140 over 90, that’s borderline, do you usually have high blood pressure?”

 

“No,” Carol says. 

 

“Are you a little anxious to be at the doctors?” the nurse asks.

 

“I’m fine,” Carol says, which Daryl knows her evasive way of saying, “Yes.” The nurse gives her a sympathetic smile that Daryl finds condescending, and tells them the doctor will be with them shortly.  

 

“We probably have time to sneak out the back,” Carol says, scooting back up the table and laying down in yet another ball, facing Daryl.

 

“Pro’ly but we ain’t gonna,” he says. 

 

“Who’s side are you on?” she pouts.

 

“Yours,” he says sincerely. She just scowls and holds her hands to her stomach.

 

A few minutes later the door opens, and a younger man in a white coat comes in, looking down at a chart, saying, “Carol, right? Hi there, I’m Dr. S.” He takes a seat on a stool and regards her. “I hear you’re not feeling well today, is that right?”

 

“No I feel fine, I just thought I’d come hang out at the 24 hour clinic for kicks,” she says, glaring at the doctor from her little ball. Daryl snorts and poorly covers it up with a cough. Dr. S glances at him and gives him a knowing smile.

 

“Alright, poor choice of words,” Dr. S says. “Do you think you can lay flat on your back for me?” Carol grumbles as she rolls herself out. The straighter she gets the more her face scrunches up, and Daryl hates it. “I’m just gonna press around on your abdomen, okay? You tell me if anything hurts.”

 

Dr. S takes the pads of his fingers and begins examining her belly. Carol flinches a little when he presses down at her midsection, but when he hits her lower right side, she lets out an, “Ouch!” and swats his hand away reflexively. 

 

“Don’t hurt her,” Daryl says sharply without thinking. Dr. S hardly reacts; just examines her a little more, and takes his stethoscope to listen to her stomach.

 

“How long did you say you’ve been having these pains for?” he asks her.

 

“Since last night,” Carol mumbles, looking very unhappy and curling back into her ball like a rollie pollie. 

 

“You’re definitely showing signs of appendicitis,” Dr. S says, and Carol groans.

 

“Can’t it be something else?” she asks. “It’s not that bad. As long as I don’t stand or move or breathe that hard I feel sort of okay.” 

 

“We want to play it safe. You don’t want your appendix to rupture. We’d have a much more serious problem on our hands if that were to happen. An appendectomy is a routine procedure, it doesn’t take long, and as assuming everything goes smoothly you’ll be out of the hospital within 24 hours.” 

 

“Daryl,” Carol says, frowning at him, like she wants this to fix this for her, and Rick’s theory—that the memories of the hospital are weighing on Carol more than she’d ever admit—seems more plausible.

 

“You gotta go, sweetheart. I’ll be there with you, though,” he tells her. She sighs and shuts her eyes.  

“I’ll call ahead to the ER so that they’ll be expecting you,” Dr. S is saying. Daryl hears him in the periphery, but his attention is on Carol. She looks the way she sounded on the phone the night she crashed Sophia—scared, uncertain, and in pain—and he has no desire to take her back to the place of her greatest trauma, but there isn’t a choice.

 

He gets instructions from Dr. S, and helps Carol back to the truck.

 

—-

 

Everything is fine until they get into the parking lot in front of the ER.

 

“I’m not going in there,” Carol says resolutely once Daryl kills the engine. Daryl blinks at her.

 

“You have to,” he says.

 

“No I don’t,” she says, making no moves to get out of the truck. “You can’t make me; no one can make me, and I don’t want to go in.”

 

“Carol, if you don’t take care of this it’s just gonna get worse.” 

 

“That doctor doesn’t know for sure if it’s my appendix. He didn’t do any tests, he just felt my stomach and told me to go get cut open, why should I trust him?” She’s frowning at her lap, still bent over, and Daryl realizes she’s trembling.

 

“Carol, I know you’re scared, but—”

 

“I am not scared, I just don’t want to go inside the hospital and that’s that.” 

 

“Okay,” Daryl says, taking a new approach. “Why don’t you wanna go inside the hospital?”

 

“Because I don’t,” she says stubbornly.

 

“That’s not a reason, tell me why.”

 

“ _ Because _ .”

 

“Because why?”

 

“Because I don’t want to.”

 

“Carol, just tell me—”

 

“Because when people go to the hospital they die!” she snaps suddenly. “Because they go in and they’re okay and then all of a sudden they’re not and then people get left behind and have to deal with it, alright?” She’s full-on shaking now, falling deep into a panic attack. Daryl takes her hand and squeezes it.

 

“This ain’t about you, is it? You’re not worried about you?” he asks her softly. Carol inhales and exhales like she’s out of breath and leans forward to rest her forehead on the dashboard.

 

“I don’t want to remember,” she whispers. “The place makes me remember and I don’t want to.” 

 

“You’re not going to be here long,” Daryl tells her quietly. “And for most of it you’re gonna be way out of it on awesome painkillers so you probably won’t even notice how gross it is.” Carol huffs a small laugh. “Imma be here the whole time, there ain’t nowhere I gotta be, okay? You gotta do it so let’s just get it over with, and then you can come back to my place and we’ll finish the last season of  _ 30 Rock _ and when you don’t hurt as bad Henry will come keep you company, alright?”

 

“I just want a break. Just one break. It’s like one thing after another after another after another and I’m  _ so _ tired.” She sighs. “I think I really am cursed.”

 

“Maybe, but Imma help you through it; all the bullshit, I’ll take care of you.”

 

“It shouldn’t be your job to take care of me,” Carol says.

 

“Ain’t a job if I’m volunteering.” He brushes her hair from her face. “We both got daddys who ain’t worth a damn, and no mamas. We’re different than our friends. They get to be dumbass kids whenever they want, but we gotta be our own parents. It ain’t as hard when it’s the two of us, though. We look out for each other, ‘cause we ain’t got no one else to do it. But ain’t that better than doin’ it alone?”

 

Carol turns her head to meet his eye. “Okay,” she says in a small voice.

 

“Can we go inside?”

 

“Okay,” she says again, just as small. He nods.

 

“Let’s go.”

 

—-

 

“There’s still time to sneak out the back,” Carol says in her hospital bed, wearing her hospital gown.

 

“You’re literally about to go in for surgery,” says Daryl, sitting on the edge of her bed, his fingers laced together so he doesn’t give into the impulse to reach over and hold her hand again. 

 

“Pretty sure this bed has wheels. Put on a pair of scrubs and roll me back to your place.” 

 

“Yeah I ain’t gonna do that,” he says. Carol sticks her tongue out at him.

 

“I texted my aunt your number so she can ask for updates while I’m unconscious, hope that’s okay.”

 

“That’s fine. She gonna come here?”

 

“I told her not to so I doubt it, but who knows?” 

 

“Aight.”

 

“You got any deathbed confessions you wanna make before I go to my demise?” Carol asks him then. Daryl swallows.

 

“This ain’t a French test,” he says. “You’ll survive.” 

 

“I should have brought my owl rosary,” she says. 

 

“God, do you really still have that?”

 

“Duh,” Carol says. “I’m offended you’d think I got rid of it. That’d be sacrilege.” Daryl snorts and shakes his head at her. 

 

“You’re gonna be okay,” he tells her seriously. 

 

“I know,” she says slowly. “But just in case, I should probably tell you—”

 

“Carol Miller?” says a woman, pulling back the curtain where they’re waiting for her to get taken back for her appendectomy. “I’m the one who is going to operating on you today. We’re ready to get you prepped. Did the nurse cover everything or do you have any questions?” The surgeon smiles kindly at her and Carol makes a failed attempt to smile back.

 

“I’m good,” she says.

 

“Alright, well if your friend here would like to go to the waiting room, we’ll come get him once you’re out and have recovered from the anesthesia a little bit, okay?”

 

Carol thrusts her arm out to Daryl, palm up. Daryl takes her hand without hesitation and squeezes it hard.

 

“You’ll be fine,” he assures her. She nods wordlessly, and he nods back. “See you soon,” he tells her, and lets her go reluctantly. 

 

He casts a final look her way and shows himself to the waiting room, desperately wondering what she was about to say.

 

—-

 

(10:47p) -carols in surgery-

 

(10:51p) >Shit. Appendix?<

 

(10:52p) -ya-

 

(10:54p) ~bleh that sucks.~ 

 

(10:55p) -yeah but she shud be ok-

 

(10:55p) -dr wasnt rly worried-

 

(10:57p) >Are you okay?<

 

(10:59p) -ig-

 

(11:00p) -actually no-

 

(11:01p) ~what’s the mayonaise?~

 

(11:01p) ~um. *matter?~

 

(11:03p) -ugh-

 

(11:04p) -worried abt her-

 

(11:04p) -feel weird abt her-

 

(11:05p) -u kno-

 

(11:05p) -want her-

 

(11:05p) -or w/e-

 

(11:06p) -the lady @ the clinic called me a sweet bf-

 

(11:06p) -the nurse thot we were having sex-

 

(11:06p) -held her hand a lot-

 

(11:06p) -she almost said smthn 2 me b4 she went into surgery but the dumbass dr interrupted-

 

(11:08p) ~do you think it was a confession of undying love???~

 

(11:09p) -idk thts the problem-

 

(11:10p) -n rick u were rite shes all fuked up abt hospitals-

 

(11:10p) -totes not dealing w/ her moms death n idk how 2 help n dnt kno if saying nything abt how i feel wud help or hurt n aslfjslakjfa;-

 

(11:13p) >Never good when he starts keyboard smashing.<

 

(11:15p) -stupid shit keeps happening tht makes everything complicated n idk wut 2 do-

 

(11:17p) ~sounds to me like one way or another it’s gonna come to a head eventually.~

 

(11:18p) >Sooner rather than later by the looks of it.<

 

(11:20p) -ya mb-

 

(11:21p) -just hope whn it does it dsnt all go 2 shit-

 

(11:21p) -shes 2 much 2 lose-

 

—-

 

(11:51p) =Is this Daryl Dixon?=

 

(11:52p) -ya is this carols aunt?-

 

(11:54p) =No this is Carol’s father. I got your number from her aunt.=

 

(11:57p) -oh-

 

(11:58p) =I don’t think Carol wants me there right now but I was wondering if you could tell me how she is?=

 

(12:02a) -shes fine-

 

(12:03a) =That’s all?=

 

(12:05a) -shes out of surgery n they said i can c her in a little bit-

 

(12:06a) =No problems?=

 

(12:07a) -no-

 

(12:08a) =Ok thank you.=

 

(12:08a) =Will you tell her I checked up on her?=

 

(12:09a) -yeah ig so-

 

(12:17a) =Maybe this isn’t the time but may I ask just exactly what you are to my daughter?=

 

(12:21a) -i cant tell u wut i am 2 her cuz idk. i only kno wut she is 2 me-

 

(12:23a) =And what is she you to you?=

 

(12:26a) -important-

 

—-

 

“Daryl,” Carol says with a big smile when the nurse brings him back to the recovery room. Her eyes are droopy and body limp, the anaesthesia clearly not entirely worn off.

 

“Hey,” he says, coming up to stand beside her bed. “How you feeling?”

 

“I am not,” she says. “My whole body is fuzzy.”

 

“Fuzzy?”

 

“Yeah, like you know how your TV is all staticy all the time? That’s how my body feels.” Then, to demonstrate, she makes a noise that’s like her best approximation to what paper getting crumpled together sounds like. Daryl suppresses a grin.

 

“They got you pretty doped up, don’t they?” he asks. Carol points a finger at him, and says, 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Right,” Daryl snorts. “Well you’re gonna stay here for the rest of the night, but as long as there’s no problems we can go back to my place tomorrow, okay? Or, I guess, later today. It’s really late.”

 

“Are you gonna stay here?”

 

“‘Course. I’ll sleep in the waiting room.” 

 

“You’re so nice; real nice to me all the time.”

 

“Yeah, well, you deserve to be treated nice.”

 

“Wanna know a secret?” Carol asks in a whisper. Daryl’s stomach flip flops.

 

“Maybe not when you’re high as a kite,” he says.

 

“Sometimes I don’t want to be here,” she says, ignoring him. “Like, not die, but just like...poof! No more Carol. Things are so hard all the time.” She says all of this casually, voice slurred like she were drunk. “I didn’t think anyone would really care. But you would care, wouldn’t you? If I disappeared you would care?”

 

“Yeah, I would care,” Daryl says, suddenly melancholy. “I’d care a whole lot.”

 

“‘Cause you care about me?”

 

“‘Cause I care about you.”

 

“Good. I care about you, too.” She closes her eyes and yawns.

 

“Why don’t you get some rest?” Daryl suggests.

 

“You’ll be here?” she asks, not opening her eyes.

 

“Not going anywhere else,” he says. “I’ll be here.”

 

—-

 

_ March 14th _

_ Sunday _

 

“What do we watch now that we’ve finished  _ 30 Rock _ ?” Carol asks, the credits rolling on Daryl’s laptop, propped up on the coffee table. Carol’s sprawled out on the couch in pajamas, shifting around stiffly, grimacing at the pull on her stitches.

 

“Dunno. Netflix has about six hundred original series, I figure we can pick one,” Daryl says from the floor, where his back is up against the cushion.

 

“Alright. Wanna do Lifetime movies until we decide on one?”

 

“Duh.” He looks at her over his shoulder. “You need anything?”

 

“No, I’m fine, thanks though.” 

 

“How’s the pain? Your next dose is in an hour.”

 

“I’m fine,” Carol says with a small smile and a long-suffering eye roll. “Thanks though.”

 

“Yeah.” Daryl pauses, looping a loose thread on the couch around his pinky finger. “Hey, I have a question.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Don’t get mad about it, though.”

 

“Uh oh,” Carol says suspiciously. “What?”

 

“Before we went into the hospital you had that, you know, panic attack or whatever. Are we ever gonna talk about that?” 

 

“No,” Carol says, not unkindly, but with an air of finality. Daryl sighs.

 

“What about...your mom? Are you ever gonna talk about that?”

 

“Daryl—”

 

“Don’t get mad, I’m just asking.”

 

Carol sighs and stares up at the ceiling. She doesn’t say anything for a minute and Daryl lets her be silent.

 

“I can’t,” she says finally. “I just need to forget.”

 

Daryl nods, but inside he’s conflicted. He doesn’t say it, but he thinks it hard:

 

There are some things you can’t just forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for a couple vague suicide ideation lines
> 
> me to myself while writing this: do i need to do a disclaimer to let people know i have nothing against pegging, or???
> 
> for the record, i have nothing against pegging.
> 
> moving on.
> 
> my current belief in regards to the length of this fic is "sometime before the mid-season premiere, i think, probably, maybe." that's the goal, anyway. i got thrown off by some scenes that decided to be way more complicated than they were supposed to.
> 
> aight, that's it. join me sunday for what i've been long since anticipating writing: spring break, bitches!
> 
> deuces,  
> -diz


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw in end notes

_ March 30th _

_ Tuesday _

 

“You have that look on your face,” Carol is saying while she sorts items into her suitcase.

 

“What look?” Daryl asks, watching Carol sort items into her suitcase while not touching his own.

 

“That look you get when you suddenly remember that you hate people and are regretting signing up to go do a social thing,” she says, folding a pair of socks and placing them on top of another several pairs. 

 

“That’s just my face,” Daryl protests, and she gives a doubtful hum.

 

It’s ass-crack o’clock and the two of them are finishing up the last of their packing for their trip to Virginia Beach—or, well, Carol is finishing up the last of her packing. Daryl is sitting on the floor next to a heap of clothes, suddenly remembering he hates people and is regretting signing up to go do a social thing.

 

“Okay,” she says, pausing her folding and giving him a significant look. “Tell me what parts are making you anxious.”

 

“None of the parts, I’m fine.” She holds her look steady and he relents with a sigh. “There are so many people going. Like,  _ so _ many. And we’re gonna be driving with them for hours and what if they want me to talk?”

 

“Once you get there you’ll have all the freedom you want to go hide from us,” Carol says. “Although, I hope you stick around a little bit, because the point of having you there is to spend time with you.” 

 

“I’m sure the camping part will be fine, but…”

 

“You’re worried about the driving.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Alright, I anticipated this, and I may have a solution,” Carol says, and Daryl narrows his eyes.

 

“What solution?” he asks.

 

“Okay, you know how Glenn’s older sister and brother-in-law are letting us use their RV?”

 

“Yeah. It’s kind of a crap RV, by the way, they bought if off of Dale a year ago.”

 

“Not the point. I was talking to Glenn, and he said that the RV has a carrier where you’d be able to put your bike if you wanted to bring it.” Daryl blinks and Carol smirks at him.

 

“I can take the bike?” he asks.

 

“Yes, under two conditions,” Carol says. 

 

“What conditions?”

 

“One, you spend at least some time with us because the road trip part is half the fun—”

 

“Debatable.”

 

“—And two, you let me ride with you on the bike sometimes.”

 

“Fuck yeah,” Daryl says, a relief washing over him. “I’ll have to find a helmet that’ll fit you, though. Sure I got one out back somewhere.” He smiles at her and adds, “Thank you.”

 

“Ain’t nothin’, Pookie. This is your vacation, too, I don’t want you to be miserable. Now Glenn is gonna be here to come get us in two hours, so let’s go through the checklist.”

 

“Go for it.”

 

“Clothes to get you through until Friday?”

 

“Yeah, they’re all here somewhere,” Daryl says, glancing at his heap of whatever he could find in his drawers. He picks up the pile and sort of smashes it into the suitcase. Carol furrows her brow.

 

“You’re a disaster,” she tells him cheerfully. “Hygiene?” 

 

“I just kinda threw everything I use into a plastic grocery sack,” he says.

 

“Awful,” Carol says with a fond smile. “Camping supplies that we will undoubtedly need when everyone else is drastically underprepared because you’re the only one of us who’s actually good at camping?”

 

“All out front sorted by function, size, and ‘don’t let Glenn touch.’” 

 

“Okay, so all your camping gear is meticulously organized, but you put all your hygiene times in a plastic bag?” 

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You know what, that seems exactly on brand. Never mind.” She looks up at the ceiling in thought, going through her mental list of everything they’ll need. “Phone charger,” she says. “Wallet, house keys.”

 

“The front door doesn’t lock, remember? I don’t need a key.”

 

“Keys to your bike then. How about everything for Henry?”

 

“I packed his shit a week ago. I made sure to get extra kibble in case we get stranded somewhere, and I got him a couple new toys, and a new leash and harness. Don’t let me forget his favorite ball, though. He’ll want that.”

 

Carol sighs deeply.

 

“You are a remarkably strange man, Daryl Dixon,” she tells him. At his bemused expression she waves a hand and says, “Forget it. Let’s go see if you have a helmet that fits me,” and leads him out the door.

 

—-

 

“Okay, so there are going be twelve of us total,” Glenn says, leaning against the driver’s side door once Carol and Daryl have loaded all of their things into the back of his car. They’re headed back to his place where everyone is meeting. 

 

“I thought it was eleven,” Daryl says, frowning, unhappy at the prospect of even one additional person to be around.

 

“Tara invited that new girl, Rosita,” Carol explains. “We think she’s trying to get into her pants. Ever since Denise graduated early and left for her pre-med degree she’s been looking for a rebound.”

 

“We’re not even sure if Rosita is into girls, but if anyone can find out it’ll be Tara,” Glenn says.

 

“Cool, so a completely new person to get to know,” Daryl says, grimacing.

 

“She’s really hot, though, so at least there’s that,” Carol says.

 

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Daryl asks.

 

“Nothing, I guess,” she says. Daryl exchanges a look with Glenn, who just shrugs.

 

“‘Kay, well, I’m gonna follow on the bike,” Daryl says, putting on his helmet. 

 

“Mind if I…” Carol asks hopefully. 

 

“Duh,” Daryl says and tosses her the helmet they found for her. He nods at Glenn. “See you at your place,” he tells him. Glenn grins and cheers,

 

“Vacation ahoy!”

 

—-

 

Carol was wrong—the road trip is not part of the fun. There are twelve of them—him, Carol, Glenn, Rick, Maggie, Michonne, Jesus, Aaron, Shane, Lori, Tara, and Rosita—crammed in two separate vehicles. Daryl is in the RV with Carol, Rick, Maggie, Michonne, and Glenn at the wheel, (as well as Henry and Carl), with the rest of the crew stuffed inside Shane’s mom’s SUV. They are on hour two of eight, not including bathroom breaks. They spent the first hour listening to Glenn’s pop songs playlist, and are now on Rick’s country music playlist, and the only reason Daryl hasn’t barrel rolled out the door onto I-95 is because Carol is sitting by the window across from him, texting him things they can’t say aloud.

 

(9:53a) *If there is one more Blake Shelton song on Rick’s playlist I will physically fight him for the aux cord.*

 

(9:54a) -plz do it i dnt wna have to shove needles in my ears-

 

(9:55a) *Let’s hijack the RV. We’ll tie them all up and throw them in the back, and then you, me, and Henry will take the helm and I’ll play the entirety of Fleetwood Mac’s discography, as well as the seven ABBA songs I have, and when we get to the coast we’ll toss Rick’s phone into the ocean.*

 

(9:56a) -what abt carl?-

 

(9:57a) *Hm, I dunno, what do you think? Is he an innocent bystander or friends with the enemy?*

 

(9:58a) -hard 2 say-

 

(9:59a) *We’ll let him come with us, but he’s on thin ice.*

 

(10:00a) -lmao k-

 

(10:00a) -how u feelin btw?-

 

(10:01a) *Fine. Dr. cleared me for vacay, just so long as I avoid a lot of physical activity. So no beach volleyball for me, what a tragedy.*

 

(10:02a) -poor u-

 

(10:02a) -how cold is it sposed 2 get?-

 

(10:03a) *Nights will prob be chilly, but the forecast said 70s for pretty much all of it.*

 

(10:04a) -gud i h8 being cold-

 

(10:05a) *Yes you do, and it’s adorable. You have a very grumpy face whenever you get too cold.*

 

(10:06a) -dnt i have a grumpy face p much all the time? thts wut glenn n rick say-

 

(10:07a) *No, sometimes you’re playing with your dog.* 

 

(10:08a) -or u make me laff whn i shudnt be laffing-

 

(10:09a) *Hey, not my fault you don’t know how to be discreet.*

 

(10:10a) *Anyway, I’m glad the weather is fairly neutral. If it were hot I’d be tempted to lounge around in my bathing suit all day, but my scars are still kinda gross. Nobody needs to see that mess.*

 

(10:11a) -dnt u barely have scars? they did that laprosomethingorw/e thing?-

 

(10:12a) *Laparoscopic, good effort tho. And yeah, but it’s still kinda bruised and it looks like I’ve been lightly stabbed.*

 

(10:12a) *Which, I guess I technically was.*

 

(10:13a) -im sure u look fine-

 

(10:13a) -u kno i aint walkin around w/ no shirt tho so u wont be the only 1-

 

(10:14a) *Shit, I didn’t even think, I’m sorry.*

 

(10:15a) -its chill-

 

(10:15a) -kinda nice tht u 4got tbh-

 

(10:15a) -makes it less of a big deal or smthn-

 

(10:15a) -tlk abt ugly scars tho-

 

(10:16a) *They’re only ugly bc of how you got them, but they don’t make /you/ ugly.*

 

(10:17a) *Lmao! That look you gave me. I’m serious. You’re still the school hottie.*

 

(10:18a) *Your face*

 

(10:18a) *Is so red*

 

(10:19a) -moving on-

 

(10:20a) -next stop im switching 2 the bike or im gna go crazy-

 

(10:21a) *Share with the class??*

 

(10:22a) -yes u can come-

 

(10:23a) -gna be diff thn driving in town tho fair warning-

 

(10:23a) -gotta drive fast on the interstate-

 

(10:24a) *Breaking news: Vehicles on the interstate drive fast. More at 8.*

 

(10:25a) *Hey don’t throw pillows at me asshole!* 

 

(10:25a) *I’m injured remember?*

 

(10:26a) -u aint got stitches no more n this aint beach volleyball so-

 

(10:27a) *You’re a monster.*

 

(10:28a) *Okay, that’s Blake Shelton number 4. Time for drastic measures.*

 

(10:29a) -godspeed-

 

(10:30a) * *Duolingoowlspeed.*

 

(10:31a) -wtf is wrong with u-

 

Carol flips him the bird and then jumps up from her seat. Daryl watches on, smiling to himself, while Carol fights Rick over the aux cord. 

 

Maybe road trips aren’t  _ so _ bad.

 

—- 

 

“No, Rick, pull that through the—goddamnit,” Shane is saying, trying to drive a stake through a loop, one side of the tent caving in on itself. Glenn is trying fruitlessly to keep it upright, while Rick is losing grip on a pole. They have been attempting to put up their tent for approximately twenty minutes.

 

Across the campsite, placed strategically a comfortable distance away from the others, Daryl has had his tent up essentially since they arrived. He’s watching them with his arms crossed, fascinated by their incompetence. 

 

“How long are you gonna let them suffer before you help?” Carol asks from beside him. He grins a little.

 

“How will they learn if I do it for them?” he asks and she snorts.

 

“Such an altruist,” she says. She nudges him with her elbow. “Go help them, they still have two other tents to set up and it’s gonna be dark soon.” Daryl sighs but does as he’s told.

 

“Move,” he tells the others.

 

“We got it,” Shane says stubbornly.

 

“No we don’t,” Glenn and Rick say at the same time. Shane regards the disaster before them and relents. 

 

“Fine, see if you can do better,” he tells Daryl. Daryl takes control and has the tent up and standing in ten minutes. Shane scowls at him and Daryl shrugs.

 

By the time the tents are all set up it’s nearly dusk. With the sun down a chill sweeps through the campsite, and Daryl shrugs on a poncho over top his flannel. The ocean waves crash hard along the rocks as the tide grows stronger with nightfall. The sky is clear and with no city lights there is a dense splattering of stars beginning to become visible in the growing darkness. Daryl sits on a flat stone and wraps his arms around his knees, closing his eyes and breathing in the salty air. He can hear the wind rustling the tree leaves, the splash of the water on the shore, the chirping of nocturnal bugs, all mixed nicely together with the chatter of his friends. 

 

He always forgets how much he hates being stuck indoors until he’s not anymore.

 

“Cute poncho,” comes Carol’s voice. He opens his eyes and sees her standing in front of him, holding her arms close to her body, a lit cigarette between her fingers. 

 

“Shut up, it’s warm,” he says, keeping his mouth shut about the cigarette. She’s been smoking them more and more lately, and it’s new for her to do it in plain view of the others. “Speaking of, you look cold.” 

 

“I am a little,” she says. “Too lazy to dig out a sweater. I’ll be fine.”

 

“Mm,” Daryl says doubtfully. He scoots over to make space on his stone. She takes the unspoken offer and sits beside him. It’s not a large stone, so they’re pressed together and Daryl briefly wishes he weren’t under so many layers. He does truly hate being cold, though, so he’ll take the loss this time.

 

“You seem happy,” she says, taking a drag and offering him one.

 

“Mm. It’s nice out here,” he says, accepting the offer and blowing out smoke before handing the cigarette back.

 

“You’ve officially left Georgia. Drove through three different states all in one day.”

 

“Yep, world traveler now.”

 

“How long do you think it’ll take them to get the fire going?” she asks, nodding over to the firepit where a handful of the crew are arguing over the best way to get a fire going. From where they’re seated Daryl can just make out Tara saying something to the effect of, “Why don’t we just pour a bunch of lighter fluid in it and see what happens?”

 

“Without my help?” Daryl asks. “Pro’ly are more likely to light themselves on fire than the wood.”

 

“You gonna put them out if they do?”

 

“They learned stop drop and roll in elementary school like e’rybody else, didn’t they?” and Carol laughs.

 

“Guess so.” She puts her cigarette out on the side of the stone and then wraps herself tighter.

 

“Sure you’re not too cold?”

 

“M’fine, don’t worry.” 

 

Daryl doesn’t believe her for a second. He pulls his poncho off up over his head, a bitter breeze hitting him through his thin shirt, and holds it out to her. She purses her lips at him, unamused.

 

“Stop that,” she says.

 

“You’re cold.”

 

“So are you, and you hate it more than me.”

 

“I’ll live.”

 

“So will I,” she insists, but he continues to hold it out to her. With a sigh she takes it. “Fine, but we’re using it together.” Before he can ask her what she means, she drapes it across both of their shoulders like a shawl. It’s completely ineffective, leaving their fronts exposed, but Daryl feels warmer than he has all night.

 

“Stubborn,” he mutters, ignoring the butterflies in his belly.

 

“Pot, kettle,” she counters. She tilts her head up and he follows her gaze. “No Aquarius tonight,” she muses.

 

“Nah. Taurus, though.”

 

“Your constellation?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Show me.”

 

“‘Kay. See those three diagonal dots?” he asks her, pointing. 

 

“Those ones right in a row?”

 

“Mhm. That’s Orion’s Belt. Now follow those to the northwest—” He guides his finger across the sky. “—Until you find that big ol’ bright star. That’s part of Taurus. It’s kinda in between Orion and the Pleiades. See it?”

 

“I think so.” He feels her eyes on him. He turns away from the sky to see her watching him with a curious look on her face.

 

“What?” he asks, lowering his arm.

 

“You know things I never expect you to know,” she says. 

 

“This ain’t much,” Daryl says, feeling shy. “Told you, it’s just something my daddy taught me to help navigate. Just sounds fancy ‘cause I know the names, but really it’s just a hunting tool.” 

 

“It’s still impressive,” she says, and he shrugs.

 

“I guess.”

 

“Hey, I was gonna ask you…”

 

“Ask me what?”

 

“You can say no.”

 

“Can’t say yes or no without knowin’ what it is.”

 

“They’re trading off who gets to sleep in the RV each night, and they got me in there tonight, but I’d kind of rather sleep out here—feels more authentic. I haven’t claimed a tent, and I was wondering if I could share with you? I get it, though, if you need the time alone.”

 

“No, it’s fine.” Daryl says, mouth dry. “That’s fine, you can stay with me.” 

 

“You sure?” she asks. “I know being around people kind of drains you. I don’t wanna take up your recharge time.”

 

Daryl isn’t sure how to tell her that everyone in the world exhausts him except her—he could spend all day with her and never feel drained. 

 

“I’ll be fine,” he says. It falls a little flat compared to the truth, but it’s as much truth that he’s willing to give right now. 

 

“Thanks,” she says, grinning. “You’re smart, you know, pitching your tent over here. That way you don’t have to listen to people going at it.”

 

“Ugh, they’re gonna do that with other people around?”

 

“We got four couples and a lot of booze, I’m 100% certain we’ll hear at least one of them at some point.”

 

“Great,” he says. It occurs to him then that he and Carol are the only ones not in a relationship. Well, Tara and Rosita aren’t, but everyone knows that Tara is actively pursuing Rosita, so it essentially counts. But only Glenn and Rick know about Daryl, and that makes the whole situation feel awkward and precarious. He prays to God, the duolingo owl, or whoever that it doesn’t complicate things.

 

“Okay, you have to go start that fire for them, Tara has the lighter fluid,” Carol says then. 

 

“Dumbasses,” he mutters, and, tossing his side of the poncho to Carol, goes to save the day.

 

—-

 

(10:02p) ~where’d you go?~

 

(10:05p) -walkin henry a bit so he isnt a pain in the ass 2nite i’ll b back-

 

(10:07p) ~saw you and carol getting awfully cozy earlier.~

 

(10:09p) -saw u almost get burned 2 death n im mad i didnt let u-

 

(10:10p) >Rofl, burn.<

 

(10:10p) >Literally.<

 

(10:11p) ~whatever. carol said she’s gonna be sleeping in your tent…~

 

(10:12p) -she slps @ my house all the time this aint tht diff-

 

(10:13p) ~sure.~

 

(10:13p) >Totally the same.<

 

(10:14p) -fuk off-

 

(10:15p) >When are you coming back?<

 

(10:16p) -rn-

 

(10:17p) ~i’ll keep away from the fire, then. don’t wanna get shoved in.~

 

(10:18p) >I’m sure if he really wanted to he’d find a way.<

 

(10:19p) -damn strait-

 

(10:19p) -so dnt test me-

 

(10:20p) -c u in a min-

 

—-

 

“You need an extra pillow?” Daryl asks, because Glenn and Rick were right, this does feel completely different than her sleeping at his house, or even his room, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself so he’s just saying anything that comes to mind.

 

“You only have one pillow, why would I take it?” Carol asks, burrowing into her sleeping bag and giving him a bemused frown.

 

“I dunno. I’m used to sleeping out here, but some people ain’t; might make it more comfortable. Plus, you’re still gettin’ better from surgery.” The tent is lit up by the white light of his lantern, and their every movement casts large shadows around them. She’s literally fallen asleep on his lap before, so why does this feel so intimate? 

 

The answer, of course, is that they’re confined to a small space, a distance away from everybody else—the everybody else that’s comprised by romantic couples, surely curling up together after their long day of driving, holding each other in the chilly Virginia night. Meanwhile, the two of them are several feet apart on either side of the tent, the space between them taunting him like a particularly irritating text from Glenn.

 

“I promise you I am just fine, Daryl,” she tells him, laying her head down on her own pillow facing him. “You gonna sleep sitting up, or…?”

 

“Oh,” Daryl says, realizing he’s sitting on his knees, making no moves to get into his sleeping bag. “Right.” He unfurls his legs, wincing at the stiffness, and unzips his bag enough to crawl in. He lays like she does, facing her as well, and he can hear his pulse pounding in his head.

 

“Are  _ you _ okay?” she asks, furrowing her brow at him.

 

“‘Course,” he says in what he hopes is a steady tone. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

 

“Dunno, you tell me.”

 

“‘M’fine. Just tired; not used to being stuck driving that long.”

 

“Makes sense. The bike was super fun, though. We should take it out on the interstate sometime just for kicks.”

 

Daryl grins despite himself. “Been tellin’ you, you should get one of your own.”

 

“No thanks. Passenger only.”

 

“Yeah, we’ll see.” Carol yawns then. “Let’s go to sleep,” Daryl suggests. “Pro’ly gonna wake up early. It’s hard to sleep in when you’re camping.”

 

“Alright,” she agrees. “Goodnight.”

 

“Night,” he mumbles, and kills the lantern light.

 

—-

 

_ Wednesday _

 

Their first full day starts off with day drinking, which really sets the tone.

 

Everyone finds different ways to entertain themselves. 

 

Michonne goes for a run along the rocky coastline before noon, stating that the uneven terrain will help rebuild some of the muscle loss in her crap ankle. Shane sets up a net and he and Lori play badminton against Maggie and Glenn. Glenn is terrible at it. Tara and Rosita go exploring in among the trees. Aaron and Jesus practice kung fu moves in the grass. Daryl spends a good chunk of time with Rick and Carol, throwing a frisbee for the dogs and watching them run off and battle for it. (Henry wins every time.)

 

Breakfast is donuts and fruit, with a side of booze. Lunch is cold cut sandwiches and chips, with a side of booze. For dinner, Daryl helps them figure out how to cook on a cast iron skillet he brought with him, making hamburgers, and putting chopped up potatoes and onions in tin foil and cooking them in the fire as a side—in addition to the booze.

 

By dusk, Daryl has had about all he can handle of people for the time being, and goes and sits on a hill nearby, sipping on a beer he barely wants. From where he is he can see all his friends doing God-knows-what as they continue to get drunker and drunker still. The horizon is gorgeous. They have the good fortune of facing west, and the sunset is a pink, orange, and red painting across the sky—a distant beauty along the stretch of the incomprehensibly large ocean.

 

So it’s understandable that Daryl is annoyed to have this marvel interrupted by Jesus coming up his hill to join him.

 

“Hey,” Jesus says, red solo cup in hand. “What are you doing over here?”

 

“Getting away from everybody for a bit,” Daryl says pointedly. Jesus either misses or ignores Daryl’s not so subtle hint, because he lowers himself to the ground and sits criss-cross in the grass beside him. Dayl stops himself from rolling his eyes.

 

“Beautiful,” Jesus says, gazing out at the water.

 

“Mm,” says Daryl. Jesus hums wistfully.

 

“The ocean is something else isn’t it? So vast and unexplored—it’s like a small inkling of what outer space must be like.”

 

“Uh...right.” 

 

“Anyway,” Jesus says just as Daryl raises his beer to his mouth to take a swig. “I came up here to ask you if you wanted to have sex.” 

 

Daryl sputters so hard that beer comes out his nose and goes down the wrong tube. He coughs so hard his eyes water, his throat and nostrils burning. He spits beer out onto the grass. Jesus sits, unperturbed, waiting patiently. 

 

“Was that a yes or a no?” Jesus asks once Daryl can breathe again. Daryl, face redder than it’s ever been, stumbles on his words, trying to make a coherent sentence.

 

“You don’t...I’m not...Why are you...Aaron?” he asks, trying very hard not to simply run away from Jesus in a desperate attempt to escape this conversation.

 

“Oh, he’s fine with it,” Jesus says casually. “In fact, he’s into you, too. You’re a very attractive man. You could join the both of us if you wanted. Our tent tonight?”

 

“C’mon,” Daryl mutters to himself, actively dying inside. 

 

“Interested?” asks Jesus.

 

“No,” Daryl says, but it feels rude, so he continues to fumble in order to give an explanation. “I’m not like that...not that I have a problem...well you know I don’t have a problem with...well do you know that? Because I don’t have a problem with...You’re an alright dude and everything, but like...goddamnit, I’m in love with Carol, I can’t have sex with you, I’m sorry!” The second he sputters the words out he instantly wants to reach out and take them back. He did  _ not _ mean to say that.

 

“Hm,” Jesus says mildly, regarding Daryl up and down. “Disappointing. But okay, your loss.” He shrugs like Daryl just said no to a piece of gum he got offered and not a threesome. Jesus gets up to leave, but Daryl stops him.

 

“Wait,” he says. Jesus looks down at him with a raised eyebrow. “Can you not...what I said, it’s kind of a secret. I mean, Carol doesn’t know. Keep it to yourself?”

 

“Of course,” Jesus says, placing a hand over his heart. “Your secret is safe with me.”

 

“Thanks,” Daryl mutters.

 

“Although, you may want to consider telling her how you feel.” Jesus points at empty air to the left of Daryl and says, “As that blue man standing right there next to you just said, ‘‘tis better to admit your feelings and lose, than take your feelings to the grave, as that is an even greater loss.’”

 

“Um,” Daryl says, glancing at the nothing Jesus is gesturing to. “What?” 

 

“Hm,” Jesus says, bringing his brows together and lowering his arm. “You know, it just occurred to me that that may be a hallucination. I took ‘shrooms about a half hour ago and I think they’re kicking in.” He nods at Daryl sagely. “I will very likely not remember this conversation. I am going to go eat a Toblerone. Goodbye, Daryl Dixon, it’s been a pleasure having you here.”

 

“We’re still on vacation together, though, I’m not going anywhere…” Daryl says, before deciding it’s not worth the effort. He gives Jesus a tight smile and watches him walk away. Once he’s out of earshot, Daryl mutters to himself, “What the actual fuck?”

 

He sits and tries to process whatever  _ that _ was for several minutes, when his phone buzzes.

 

(8:17p) *You hiding?*

 

(8:18p) -i was but i need a better hiding spot-

 

(8:20p) *Someone find you?*

 

(8:21p) -jesus did-

 

(8:22p) *Jesus? What’d he want?*

 

(8:23p) -um-

 

(8:23p) -u kno wut nvm-

 

(8:24p) *?*

 

(8:25p) -ask me l8r whn ive had time 2 recover-

 

(8:26p) *Damn, that bad?*

 

(8:27p) -l8ter-

 

(8:29p) *Smh, fine.*

 

(8:29p) *Anyway, come back, we’re gonna roast marshmallows and tell ghost stories.*

 

(8:31p) - :/ -

 

(8:32p) *Please? <3*

 

(8:33p) -ugh u suk-

 

(8:33p) -b there in a min-

 

—-

 

“That Chesapeake Bay story was dumb as fuck,” Daryl says, burrowing into his sleeping bag, more comfortable about it than he was the night before, but still unsettled. He props himself on one elbow and looks at her.

 

“It was cute,” Carol says, giggling. She’s a little drunk, and evidently she’s a giggly drunk, and if Daryl benefits from getting to hear her laugh more than usual? Well then it’s a win-win for all involved.

 

She also has and is eating an entire bag of marshmallows she swiped from the RV, but that’s a whole other thing.

 

“Stories about cryptids ain’t s’posed to be cute,” he argues. “Chessie is such a ripoff name, too. Like, look at this, it’s Nessie, but shittier. It’s like when you buy Fruity Spheres instead of Froot Loops; you know you’re getting the raw end of the deal.” 

 

Carol’s giggling hard at his tirade and it makes him grin in response. She’s got a cute laugh, and he hates it and himself for thinking so. 

 

“So,” she says, settling in, tucking her pillow under her head and putting on a faux serious face. “What did Jesus want?”

 

“Oh God,” Daryl says, covering his face with his hand. “Don’t make me relive it.” 

 

“C’mon,” Carol says, throwing a marshmallow at him. 

 

“Ass,” he mutters, picking up the marshmallow and popping it in his mouth. 

 

“Tell me,” she says, elongating the ‘me’.

 

“Ugh fine,” he says. “He asked me…” The words get caught in his throat. “Oh fuck it, he asked me if I wanted to have a threesome with him and Aaron.” 

 

Carol doesn’t say anything for a minute or so because she’s too preoccupied laughing hysterically into her pillow. Daryl sighs and waits for her to run out of steam.

 

“You done now?” he asks when she comes up for air.

 

“Holy shit, that’s amazing,” she says, wiping the tears from her eyes.

 

“No, it was awkward as hell.” 

 

“What did you tell him?”

 

“I told him no, obviously.”

 

“Not your idea of a good time?” she asks, grinning wickedly.

 

“Yeah, no.” 

 

“I dunno, they’re kinda cute,” she says wistfully. Daryl scoffs.

 

“Yeah well, I ain’t…”

 

“Gay?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“That’s good to know,” she says, and Daryl furrows his brow at her.

 

“Is it?”

 

“Yep,” she says simply. He’s about to ask her why, but she cuts him off saying, “We should probably get some sleep. Shane’s insisting on us going hiking tomorrow, remember?”

 

“Uh, yeah. Sure.”

 

“Night, Pookie,” she says sweetly, reaching over to get the light. The tent goes pitch black and Daryl’s frown goes unseen.

 

“Night,” he says.

 

—-

 

_ Thursday _

 

Daryl is sitting on a small pier, his feet dangling over the edge above the cold water below. He swings his legs absently. His friends are scattered about the place, skipping rocks, exploring, drinking—doing nothing important at all. Over by the bank Carol is sitting on some stones with Michonne, wiping mud off of a seashell. Her hair is pinned back, but loose curls still get captured by the breeze, and Daryl watches her push a few strands behind her ears. 

 

“Hey,” comes a voice behind Daryl. He startles and breaks his gaze on Carol to look up and see Rosita standing there.

 

“Hey?” he says with uncertainty. Besides pleasantries, Daryl hasn’t exchanged any words with Rosita this whole trip. Carol’s right that Rosita is an attractive person. Despite the cold, she’s wearing a crop top showing off her toned belly, and her long hair is pulled back into pigtails. She’s very pretty, and Daryl couldn’t care less if he tried.

 

“Mind if I sit?” she asks, gesturing to the spot next to him on the pier. “We don’t have to talk, I just needed a break from everyone, too, and people don’t tend to bother you much so I figured here would be safe.”

 

“Sure,” he says, letting her sit down. She leans back on her hands and sighs. “You good?” he asks.

 

“Fine, just introverted, and we’ve been in a group since morning.”

 

“I get it,” Daryl says. 

 

“Glenn can really talk your ear off, can’t he?” she muses. Daryl huffs a laugh and grants her a small smile. She smiles back and they fall silent. Daryl casts his gaze back over to where Carol is and finds her already watching him, a strange look on her face. He nods at her and after a beat she nods in response and goes back to her conversation with Michonne.

 

—-

 

That night he joins them at the campfire again, Carol at his side sipping on crappy vodka and diet coke. He stokes the fire with a stick and a few ashes blow back on the two of them. 

 

“Sorry,” he says when he turns back to her, brushing the ash off her knee.

 

“Trying to burn me, Dixon?” she asks with a smirk.

 

“Caught me,” he says, sitting back down. 

 

“Hey, so are we all still doing that thing for prom?” Glenn asks then. A murmur of agreement goes through the lot of them, and Daryl frowns.

 

“What thing?” he asks.

 

“Remember how last year that gay guy won prom king and really publically danced with his boyfriend and parents got sticks up their asses about it and it led to that whole debate about whether same sex partners should be allowed to attend prom, because this is Georgia and everyone is an idiot?” Glenn says.

 

“Yeah,” Daryl says. He only knows this because people around him talked about it—he has never actively sought out knowledge about his high school’s prom, and yet he gets it anyway, against his will.

 

“Well we all decided that this year we’re all going to go to prom with someone of the same sex so that our buddies don’t have to deal with it alone,” Glenn finishes.

 

“Which is appreciated,” Aaron says. 

 

“Solidarity, bitch,” Tara says, raising a fist.

 

“Cool,” Daryl says. “Have fun.”

 

“Aren’t you gonna go to prom with us, Daryl?” Lori asks. Daryl snorts.

 

“No,” he says flatly. 

 

“Don’t say no,” Carol says. He looks at her and she’s giving him puppy dog eyes with her lower lip stuck out.

 

“You realize that my version of hell would pro’ly literally be a school prom? Like, if I end up on Satan’s doorstep when I die he’s gonna hand me a tuxedo and ask me to do the electric slide.”

 

“I’m gonna be there, though,” Carol says quietly so only he can hear. “Would I be in your hell?” Daryl scowls at her.

 

“We’ll see,” he says, thinking Carol could talk him into walking straight into the campfire if she wanted to.

 

“Michonne is making me my dress,” Carol says, normal volume now. 

 

“Making it?” Rosita asks, sounding impressed.

 

“She’s our resident art hoe,” Carol explains and Michonne sticks her tongue out at her. “I’m kind of terrified, she won’t let me see it until she’s done.”

 

“I promise you it’ll look good,” Michonne says.

 

“I’m sure your work will be amazing,” Rick says to her.

 

“Love you too, you suck up,” Michonne says with a grin.

 

“My stepmom is insisting on going with me to pick out a dress,” Maggie says with an eye roll.

 

“God, I can relate, my mom is  _ obsessed _ with the whole ordeal. I think she’s more into it than I am,” Lori says. “She wants to make a whole mother-daughter date out of it; go get our nails done, do my hair, yada yada.”

 

“I think it’s some crisis about us coming of age,” Rosita pipes in. “Like, my little girl is almost a woman, gotta spend as much time with her as I can, you know? It’s just a mom thing.”

 

Daryl glances at Carol who is frowning at the ground, the shadows from the fire dancing on her face. She then chugs the rest of what’s in her cup and gets to her feet.

 

“Hey, I’m getting another drink,” she says cheerfully; too cheerfully. “Anyone want anything while I’m up.”

 

“I’ll take a beer,” says Shane.

 

“Coming right up,” she says, and goes over to the cooler where they’ve stored all their drinks. Nobody seems to notice anything amiss, and Daryl wants to shake them for being  _ so _ stupid. 

 

When she comes back she hands a beer to Shane and sits back down on the log by Daryl. The cup in her hand is much fuller than it was before, and Daryl is suspicious of the vodka-to-soda ratio.

 

“You good?” he whispers to her. She smiles, but it’s not the smile he loves. It’s the smile she uses on the cheerleading squad, or to customers ordering a milkshake and complimenting her breasts in the same breath. 

 

“I’m fine,” she says. 

 

“Mhm. And how much of that drink is vodka?” he asks. In response she holds his gaze while taking a big gulp out of her cup.

 

“Enough of it,” she answers after she’s swallowed. Daryl narrows his eyes at her, but knows he can’t argue with her now in front of everybody and is forced to let it go.

 

“Hey Carol, what color do you think would look best on Tara, blue or green?” Lori asks from the opposite side of the fire.

 

“Blue for sure,” Carol says, voice chipper, turning away from Daryl. Daryl runs a hand through his hair and sighs, not quite feeling the cozy campfire atmosphere anymore. Nobody notices, except maybe her, but she’s not about to say it, because neither is she.

 

—-

 

“C’mon,” Daryl says, holding Carol upright and guiding her to their tent. At the sight of them, Henry gets to his feet from where he’s tethered, tail wagging.

 

“Hi baby,” Carol says, trying to lean in to pet him and losing her balance. Daryl catches her before she falls.

 

“We’ll pet the dog tomorrow, now let’s get you in bed, alright?”

 

“Tryna get me in bed, huh?” she says, winking at him, and he rolls his eyes. 

 

“Stop.” He unzips the tent one-handed, which is an irritating task, and gets her inside it the best he can without just tossing her in. He goes in after her and switches on the lantern.

 

“Cozy in here, huh?” she says, looking around the tiny tent.

 

“Sure,” Daryl says. He helps her take off her shoes.

 

“You’re sweet,” she says.

 

“And you’re drunk.” 

 

“No I am not,” she corrects him. “I am  _ very _ drunk.”

 

“Yeah, that’s about right,” he says, half annoyed and half amused. He wouldn’t mind so much, except drunk Carol tonight doesn’t feel like the drunk Carol from yesterday. That Carol was drunk for fun—giggly and happy—but this one is trying to cover something up, and it’s hitting that trigger of his again. Too many people in his life spend all their time drugging themselves to the point of numbness, and the combination of her slurred speech with her sad eyes is making him think of meth pipes, and pills, and wine, and fire. 

 

Carol scoots over to where Daryl is and leans against his shoulder. He doesn’t derive the same comfort from it that he usually does. If anything, he feels unsettled.

 

“What are you doing?” he asks her.

 

“Sitting,” she says. 

 

“You pro’ly should get some sleep.”

 

“Mm,” she hums. “But I don’t wanna go to sleep.”

 

“You’re gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow for the drive home. Not sleeping’s just gonna make it worse.”

 

“Who cares?” she says, waving a dismissive hand.

 

“Yeah, you say that now, but be sure to bring a barf bag with you,” he says, and she snorts.

 

“You’re funny,” she says, looking up at him from where her head is perched on his shoulder. “You wanna screw around?”

 

Daryl feels like he just got the wind knocked out of him.

 

“What?” he asks.

 

“I said,” Carol says, slower and with more purpose, bringing up a finger and poking him in the chest to punctuate her words. “Do you want to screw around?” When Daryl doesn’t answer, she says, “Fucking, Daryl, I’m talking about fucking. Do you want to have sex?”

 

Daryl dry swallows.

 

“Why’re you sayin’ this?” 

 

“Because I think we should have sex,” she says, like it should be obvious.

 

“No,” he says. “No we shouldn’t.”

 

“Why not? Everybody else is, why don’t we join in on the fun?”

 

“That ain’t a reason, Carol.”

 

“Would you rather have sex with Rosita?” she asks. Daryl squints at her.

 

“ _ What _ ? Why the fuck would I want to have sex with Rosita?”

 

“I dunno,” she says, sounding irritable. “Because she’s single and hot and you’re not gay, so maybe you want to get with her.”

 

“Carol, that’s the dumbest fucking thing you’ve ever said. I don’t even know her. Hell,  _ you _ don’t even know her. And since when do you give a shit what them other girls look like? You ain’t never been into that petty crap.”

 

“God, forget it,” she says, pushing herself up off of Daryl and swaying a little. “You don’t want to have sex with her, you don’t want to have sex with me, and that’s fine. It’s fine. Just fucking forget it.”

 

“You are piss drunk, Carol, I ain’t about to do anything with you right now.” 

 

“You wouldn’t if I was sober, either.”

 

“Why the hell you obsessin’ ‘bout this?”

 

“I don’t know, because I wanna feel something good? Or something at all? And sex is a good feeling, right? Maybe it’ll make me feel like a goddamn person for once instead of this fucking…fucking...I don’t know,  _ robot _ I feel like every day.”

 

“Oh, so that’s what this is about. Yeah fuck that,” Daryl says, getting angry now. “I ain’t gonna be some warm body you can use ‘cause you refuse to deal with what’s really bothering you.”

 

“Fuck you,” Carol says, absolutely affronted. “You don’t know everything about me.”

 

“Yeah I fucking do, Carol, that’s the point!” Daryl says, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “I know that you’ve been pretending to be okay every day since, hell, the day I met you, and probably before that. I know you ain’t once entertained the idea of actually  _ dealing _ with your momma’s death, and now it’s all catching up to you, like I said it would. I saw your face when they were talking around the fire, Carol, okay? I saw it. I mean, Jesus Christ, have you even cried for her? A single goddamn tear?”

 

“You don’t get to tell me how to grieve, Daryl,” Carol snaps. 

 

“Tell me about it. It’s driving me insane. I worry about you  _ constantly _ . But have I said anything? Have I done  _ anything _ to make you do  _ anything _ ? But this is my line, Carol, you don’t get to try and fuck me so you can feel something. You don’t get to fuck  _ with _ me to keep this up. I ain’t playin’ the game no more.” 

 

Carol holds herself, rocking back and forth, looking desperately small.

 

“What do you want me to do, Daryl?” she asks with an openness akin to a bleeding wound.

 

“Feel it.” he says. “Just feel it.”

 

“I can’t,” she whispers. 

 

“You can, you just don’t wanna, and I get it, I do. God knows I ain’t the poster boy for healthy coping methods, but you ain’t gonna get any better if you don’t.” She continues to rock back and forth, and Daryl reaches out and gently takes hold of her chin. She stills and looks at him with wide eyes. “What do you  _ want _ , Carol?”

 

Several tense beats pass. He can feel her trembling beneath his fingers. Then, like an implosion, her face crumples.

 

“I want my mommy,” she whispers, childlike and broken. She bursts into tears and Daryl immediately pulls her to him, holding her tight. She sobs into his chest—the types of sobs that take away your breath and clog your sinuses. She cries and cries and cries, gripping him for dear life, emptying herself of everything nasty thing she’s had inside for so long. He keeps her pressed against him, mumbling variations of, “It’s okay, sweetheart, let it out,” over and over like a mantra. 

 

She cries herself dry and stays still a while longer, before pulling away far enough to see him. His shirt is drenched. Her face is swollen, saliva around her mouth, snot running out her nose, and tears clinging to her eyelashes and sliding down her cheeks, and even in a mess like this, Daryl still thinks she’s beautiful; tragically, traumatically beautiful.

 

He pushes back her wet hair and kisses the top of her head. Wordlessly, he helps them lay down together. She uses his belly as a pillow, perpendicular to his body. He strokes her hair; her arm. Belated sobs rattle through her here and there, her breath thick and moist. Eventually it becomes even and the rise and fall of her chest is steady. He lets her sleep like that, not daring to move. He feels lighter than before he entered the tent tonight, like he’s gone through his own sort of purge through hers.

 

—-

 

_ Friday _

 

He wakes up the next morning to Carol leaning out of the tent and vomiting. He sits up and crawls over to help hold her hair back. She laughs miserably at the gesture, before upchucking more remnants of yesterday’s meals onto the grass.

 

“Sorry,” she says, sitting upright and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She then groans and presses the palms of her hands to her temples.

 

“Here,” he says, digging through his mess of things and finding his water bottle. 

 

“‘M gonna get vomit on it,” she protests.

 

“I’ll find somethin’ else to use. Drink it, you need it. You’re pro’ly real dehydrated” 

 

Reluctantly she takes the bottle and downs a few swallows of water. She burps a little, stills, and holds up a finger. After a moment, she says, “No, okay, we’re good. Thought that was gonna come back up too.”

 

Daryl huffs.

 

“You look like absolute shit,” he tells her. She laughs and then immediately groans.

 

“Don’t do that, don’t make me laugh, it hurts too much.” 

 

“Sorry.” He drums his fingers on his thigh. “Are you okay?” he asks, and they both know he doesn’t mean the hangover. She meets his eye and shakes her head.

 

“No,” she says, and relief floods through Daryl.

 

“Good,” he says. Carol scoffs a little.

 

“Good?”

 

“Yeah, good. Means you’re feelin’ somethin’.”

 

“Well it feels shitty.”

 

“Yep,” Daryl says. “But you gotta get through the shitty before you can get to feelin’ better. Plus I’m sure all that vodka didn’t help nothin’.”

 

“Do not,” she says, holding up her hand, turning green at the word ‘vodka’. 

 

“Yeah, been there,” he says sympathetically. “Least you didn’t throw up on Carl.”

 

“Yeah, well, the day is young,” she mutters, taking a few more sips of water. She lowers the bottle from her lips and says sheepishly, “Hey, so about last night...I only kind of remember what I said, but what I remember of it, it was pretty mortifying.”

 

“It’s fine,” Daryl says, but she shakes her head.

 

“No, I totally crossed a line, and dragged you,  _ and _ Rosita for whatever fucking reason, into it, and I just...Let’s pretend I never said any of it, alright? Forget it all.”

 

“Right,” Daryl says, chewing on his lower lip. “Forget it. That’s fine. We can forget it”

 

“Right.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“Um, so, we’re headed out in a couple hours. Why don’t you try and get some more sleep?” he suggests.

 

“That’s actually not a terrible idea,” she says. “I’ll take you up on that. What are you gonna do?”

 

“Pro’ly just walk around a bit.”

 

“Okay.” He nods and starts for the door. “Hey, Daryl?” she says softly.

 

“Hm?” 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome,” he says, and she grins.

 

“No ‘ain’t nothin’’?” she asks.

 

“Woman, I got your snot caked on my shirt right now, if that ain’t somethin’ I don’t know what is.” 

 

She laughs and then groans again.

 

“Bastard,” she says, pressing her fingers into her forehead.

 

“Get some sleep,” he tells her fondly. “I’ll be back.”

 

He heads out of the tent without another word.

 

—-

 

(8:16a) -question-

 

(8:16a) -if someone says smthn when theyre drunk but then says 2 4get it in the morning shud u rly 4get it?-

 

(8:24a) ~don’t talk so loud, i’m hungover.~

 

(8:25a) -im literally always typing in lowercase-

 

(8:28a) ~still too loud.~

 

(8:28a) ~anyway, what’s the story here?~

 

(8:31a) -idk its kinda got stuff abt carol tht isnt my place 2 say but like-

 

(8:31a) -do ppl mean things when theyre drunk or not?-

 

(8:35a) >I personally feel that you mean things /more/ when you’re drunk, because you have less inhibition.<

 

(8:37a) -mmmmk-

 

(8:39a) ~i feel like there’s more to this.~

 

(8:40a) -ya n this is only part of it too-

 

(8:40a) -some weird shit abt rosita tht i still dnt get-

 

(8:41a) -n i nvr even told u guys abt the jesus 3some thing-

 

(8:43a) >Um. What?<

 

(8:44a) ~come again?~

 

(8:45a) -its been a weird few days-

 

(8:46a) -meet me by that big tree by the coastline n i’ll fill u in-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for drug & alcohol use, implied sexual situations, and blake shelton
> 
> -a thousand skull emojis- 
> 
> this chapter stole every ounce of energy i have and idek why. just a lot of emotions going on here, ig. that, and carol and i have way too many things in common and so her way of dealing with grief hits too close to home for me and my heart hurts a little rn. (for those who have asked me why i don't write in carol's pov: bc bitch is me! and i don't want to write me!)
> 
> did you guys know i regularly forget aaron's name is pronounced "air-ron" bc i always call him "a-a-ron" in my head? that's not important or relevant to anything, but i thought you should know. 
> 
> idek what to say, i feel like i had something but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> anyway, thursday's chapter has some Important Stuff so look forward to tuning into that. i am going to go watch lifetime movies in my bed now. leave me comments bc i have to go back to work tomorrow and i so don't want to. help me get through my week, for the love of the duolingo owl.
> 
> k this is getting excessive.
> 
> goodbye,
> 
> -diz


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> french translations in end notes

_ April 11th _

_ Sunday _

 

(1:51a) *Feelings are dumb and I hate them.*

 

(1:53a) -y do u say tht?-

 

(1:56a) *Wtf why are you still up, it's almost 2am, go to bed.*

 

(1:57a) -lmao ur the 1 who msged me-

 

(1:57a) -y r u still up?-

 

(1:59a) *Ummm because I'm a chronic insomniac? We knew this, keep up now.*

 

(2:00a) *For real tho, why aren't you asleep?*

 

(2:02a) -no reason-

 

(2:03a) *Mhm. What Lifetime movie is it?*

 

(2:05a) -...-

 

(2:05a) -tht one where tht girls online bf is secretly the man who tried to kill her mom when she was in college-

 

(2:06a) *Truly inspirational writing.*

 

(2:07a) -yeah anyway-

 

(2:08a) -feelings suk?-

 

(2:10a) *Mm, that they do.*

 

(2:11a) -i mean ur not wrong but y?-

 

(2:12a) *Idk.*

 

(2:12a) *I'm sad. Can't stop crying.*

 

(2:13a) *I shelved a kids’ book at work today about potty training and had to go cry in the break room bc it had a picture of a mom and kid on the cover.”

 

(2:13a) *Like, I'm already potty trained! I don't need my mom for that! Chill out brain!*

 

(2:14a) *I miss repressing everything, can we go back to that?*

 

(2:15a) -nah-

 

(2:15a) -tht didnt work so gud last time-

 

(2:16a) *On the contrary, I got a tattoo out of it, so maybe it was the right move all along.*

 

(2:17a) -i promise u if i hadnt been w/ u he wud of offered 2 let u pay 4 the tatt w/ a blowjob hes a big creep-

 

(2:18a) *Would have saved me $75.*

 

(2:19a) - :/ -

 

(2:19a) *(I'm kidding)*

 

(2:20a) *Ugh Darylllllll*

 

(2:21a) -?-

 

(2:22a) *I'm so sad!*

 

(2:22a) *And I'm tired of it!*

 

(2:22a) *When does the sad go away??*

 

(2:23a) *Is it like getting your driver's license where you have to bank so many practice hours before you can get it? The sad will only go away once you've cried a total of fifty hours or something?*

 

(2:24a) -i dnt think thts how it works-

 

(2:25a) -did u go 2 tht grp thing w/ ur aunt earlier?-

 

(2:27a) *For the first and last time? Yes.*

 

(2:28a) -tht bad?-

 

(2:29a) *It was depressing.*

 

(2:30a) -well...its a grp 4 grieving ppl-

 

(2:30a) -not xactly fun-

 

(2:32a) *This one lady spent half the time talking about how her childhood neighbor, who she hadn't seen in 15 years, had died, and she only found out about it bc a friend on facebook posted about it, and like, not to minimize other people's experiences, and hey yeah, mortality is scary, but shut the fuck up?*

 

(2:34a) -sounds like the 12 step meetings my bro wud bitch abt whn he had 2 go 4 parole a few yrs back-

 

(2:35a) -he got kicked out of 1 once bc a guy tlked abt how he was afraid he was becoming an addict bc he did coke 1 time @ a party n my bro laffed @ him-

 

(2:36a) *Omg.*

 

(2:37a) -yeah my brothers kinda an asshole-

 

(2:38a) -sry u feel bad tho nythng i can do 2 help?-

 

(2:40a) *Yeah, shove a cork in whatever part of my brain is leaking emotions.*

 

(2:40a) *You know what this feels like?*

 

(2:41a) -hm?-

 

(2:42a) *K you know when you have a zit and it takes forever to come to the surface but it hurts the whole time, and then finally it turns white and you can pop it and all the gunk comes out and it's rly satisfying, but then it won't stop bleeding afterwards?*

 

(2:42a) *That's grief. The pus is the initial explosion of sadness, and then the rest is the bleeding.*

 

(2:43a) *And you dab some of the blood away and you think it finally stopped and then out of nowhere it starts dribbling down your cheek again. Or in this case, sends you crying into the break room at work bc your mom isn't around to potty train you anymore.*

 

(2:44a) *(You know, that's especially ironic and depressing when you consider that for the last year of her life she was totally incontinent.)*

 

(2:45a) -thts a gud n also gross way 2 describe it-

 

(2:46a) *Do you remember how long it took you to stop grieving your mom?*

 

(2:48a) -idk-

 

(2:48a) -i mean i still get sad abt it sometimes-

 

(2:49a) *So it never goes away?*

 

(2:50a) -its not tht it goes away its just tht it gets different-

 

(2:50a) -easier 2 handle-

 

(2:51a) -idk im not gud @ explaining tht kind of stuff plus i was real little-

 

(2:53a) *I just want someone to tell me it won't hurt this bad forever.*

 

(2:54a) *It's like nothing I have ever felt and I just want to stop feeling it.*

 

(2:55a) *And people keep saying things like “I'm sorry” or whatever, and it's a nice gesture but I just get annoyed bc the only thing anyone could say to me to make it better is “we made a mistake, she's actually still alive.”*

 

(2:56a) -i know-

 

(2:56a) -i do-

 

(2:57a) *The pain feels so permanent, Daryl.*

 

(2:58a) -i promise u its not tho-

 

(3:00a) *Jfc it's 3 in the morning. Your movie probably ended forever ago.*

 

(3:01a) -its ok-

 

(3:02a) *Why didn't you tell me it was getting so late, dummy?*

 

(3:03a) -bc im not gna leave u when ur sad-

 

(3:04a) *Ugh, I don't deserve you.*

 

(3:06a) -other way around-

 

(3:07a) *Shush.*

 

(3:07a) *Tell your dad to go back on the road so we can watch X-Files on your couch and I can hold Henry when the sadness waves hit.*

 

(3:09a) -i wish-

 

(3:10a) *Me too. Eventually I guess.*

 

(3:11a) *You need to go to sleep now, tho.*

 

(3:12a) -i can stay up if u dnt want me 2 go-

 

(3:13a) *I'll be okay. I should try and sleep too, anyway.*

 

(3:14a) -w/ all the cats?-

 

(3:15a) *Unfortunately. Maybe I'll take some Benadryl, that way I can breathe /and/ sleep.*

 

(3:15a) *Always nice to be able to do those things.*

 

(3:16a) -i'll turn my fone volume up if u need me k?-

 

(3:17a) *Stop being sweet to me.*

 

(3:19a) -nah-

 

(3:20a) *Smh.*

 

(3:20a) *Goodnight you stubborn bastard.*

 

(3:21a) -same 2 u-

 

(3:22a) *Lol!*

 

(3:22a) * <3 *

 

—-

 

_ April 12th _

_ Monday _

 

(7:59a) -ive been @ skool 4 like 15 min n 3 diff ppl gave me fliers abt prom-

 

(7:59a) -i was just tryna get 2 class like leave me alone?-

 

(8:03a) *Lmao! Yeah, they're peddling it hard this year. Andrea's head of the planning committee and if she's as anal about that as she is about cheer I imagine she probably is threatening all her staff at gunpoint to make sure they give out all their fliers.*

 

(8:07a) -y do ppl care abt prom idgi-

 

(8:07a) -y wud u want 2 spend more time @ skool only this time u have 2 dress all fancy n be in a big crowd of ppl u h8-

 

(8:10a) *Well for one thing, not everyone hates all of their peers like you do.*

 

(8:15a) -y not ppl r awful-

 

(8:17a) *Tru but my point stands.*

 

(8:21a) -r u rly into this bs?-

 

(8:23a) *Eh, I figure it could be fun if you're with the right people. An excuse to look nice and act like a teenager for once.*

 

(8:26a) -dancing tho-

 

(8:32a) *It's not like you get arrested if you don't dance.*

 

(8:35a) -so u sit there for hrs n watch ppl dance? sounds super-

 

(8:36a) -is michonne ur date?-

 

(8:39a) *Yes. She said the outfits she's making us are complementary and will, I quote, “make us the hottest pieces of ass in that gymnasium.”*

 

(8:39a) *So that's exciting ig.*

 

(8:42a) -seems like a lot of effort 4 one nite-

 

(8:47a) *Can't be worse than that Halloween party.*

 

(8:50a) -r u sure?-

 

(8:51a) *Very ominous, thank you.*

 

(8:56a) *Sit next to me loser.*

 

(8:57a) -weve been ovr this-

 

(8:58a) *My mom's dead so you have to do what I want, it's the rules. Perks to terrible life tragedies.*

 

(8:59a) -jokes on u my moms dead 2-

 

(8:59a) *Surely your dead mom privileges have expired by now. Or is it a lifetime warranty?*

 

(9:00a) -depends on who ur using them on i prob cud get glenn 2 do w/e i wanted if i played tht card-

 

(9:03a) *But you'd only ever use your powers for good, right?*

 

(9:07a) -ofc- 

 

(9:09a) *Liar.*

 

(9:13a) -how r u btw?-

 

(9:18a) *At this very second? Fine. Could be a whole other story two minutes from now. My mood is entirely unpredictable and I definitely am delighted about that. :)*

 

(9:22a) - _ you sent a photo _ -

 

(9:27a) * :’) *

 

(9:27a) *Thank you.*

 

(9:27a) *Please tell him I miss him and will give him ear scratches as soon as I can.*

 

(9:29a) -will do-

 

(9:30a) -its annoying af having dad home-

 

(9:30a) -i get used 2 u staying there n then he comes back n makes everything shitty-

 

(9:33a) *I will admit I am not a fan either.*

 

(9:34a) *We both need our own place.*

 

(9:36a) *Mb we should rent somewhere together after graduation, since everyone else we know will be off doing college and life things, and we live in abusive trash heaps.*

 

(9:40a) -4 real?-

 

(9:41a) *Why not? We already know we like being roommates, and we've both been paying rent and utilities for years anyway, might as well do it somewhere we actually want to be.”

 

(9:42a) *Idk, we don't have to decide right now, but it's nice to think about having a way out of this shithole, even if it's just a small step. Might not be able to leave town yet but we can get away from family.*

 

(9:43a) *Only if you'd want to, tho, ofc. I know you like your solitude.*

 

(9:47a) -id be down-

 

(9:48a) *Yeah?*

 

(9:48a) -yeah-

 

(9:49a) *Something to revisit, then.*

 

(9:55a) *Lmao why were you so blushy?*

 

(9:56a) -i wasnt-

 

(9:57a) *Liar, you had tomato cheeks and wouldn't meet my eye.*

 

(9:58a) -no i didnt-

 

(9:59a) *Smh. Deny all you want, but I saw you!*

 

(9:59a) *Have fun in math.*

 

(11:06a) *I was late to class, you have three guesses as to why, go: *

 

(11:09a) -uh-

 

(11:09a) -crying in the bathroom?-

 

(11:11a) *Wish, also solid guess but no. Next?*

 

(11:13a) -idk?-

 

(11:17a) *You're bad at this game.*

 

(11:19a) -tru so y were u late 2 class?-

 

(11:23a) *Our old pal Dick Pic Tobin stopped me in the hallway to ask me to prom.*

 

(11:26a) - :/// -

 

(11:30a) *Precisely my sentiments.*

 

(11:30a) *Telling him no took a lot longer than it should have.*

 

(11:32a) -y wut happened?-

 

(11:35a) *Here's how the conversation went down: *

 

(11:35a) *Him: Hey Carol.*

 

(11:35a) *Me: Hi?*

 

(11:35a) *Him: So prom's next week, huh?*

 

(11:35) *Me: Yes.*

 

(11:36a) *Him: I was wondering if you might wanna go with me?*

 

(11:36a) *Me: That's sweet but no thanks. Hey, I'm gonna be late to class.*

 

(11:36a) *Him: Oh are you going with someone else?*

 

(11:36a) *Him: I'm just not interested. Flattered tho! Seriously I gotta go.*

 

(11:36a) *Him: Would you ever be interested in a date?*

 

(11:36a) *Me: Probably not. Again, class.*

 

(11:36a) *Him: Will you take some time to think about prom?*

 

(11:36a) *Me, trying to discreetly walk away: Don't need to, sorry.* 

 

(11:37a) *Him: Well, I'll not ask anyone else in case you change your mind.*

 

(11:37a) *Me: I won't. Okay, bye.*

 

(11:37a) *Him: Could I possibly get your real number?*

 

(11:37a) *Me, listening to the final bell ring: No, but you can stop talking to me. Thanks for making me late.*

 

(11:37a) *Then I left and got in trouble for being tardy.*

 

(11:38a) *The end.*

 

(11:42a) -wow wtf?-

 

(11:46a) *And who says romance is dead?*

 

(11:48a) *Anyway, lunch? Say you're going bc I wanna bitch some more.*

 

(11:50a) -ofc-

 

(11:50a) -one sec-

 

—-

 

(1:51p) *Help it's happening again.*

 

(1:54p) -wut is?-

 

(1:57p) *The Sadness.*

 

(1:58p) *Nothing even triggered it, I was just sitting in history class and suddenly remembered that everyone I have cared or will care about is going to die.*

 

(1:58p) *What if you die?*

 

(1:59p) -im not planning on it any time soon-

 

(2:04p) *What if you crash your bike into a lake full of alligators and they eat you?*

 

(2:07p) -tbh thatd b a p cool way 2 go-

 

(2:07p) -but i doubt i will-

 

(2:11p) *If you die am I allowed to finish X-Files w/out you?*

 

(2:12p) -hm ig-

 

(2:13p) -if i end up as a ghost tho u cant u gotta still watch it w/ me-

 

(2:16p) *You're gonna make me perform a séance whenever I wanna watch an episode? Rude.*

 

(2:20p) -im not gna die-

 

(2:22p) *Never? Because if so that's a cool trick.*

 

(2:27p) -u kno wut i mean dork-

 

(2:30p) *Being in French class right now is like adding insult to injury.*

 

(2:31p) *Je suis triste et je déteste le français.*

 

(2:34p) -je sais et je suis désolé.-

 

(2:38p) *Hey, I just realized I didn't have to look up any of those words!*

 

(2:41p) -c it ain't all bad-

 

(2:41p) -the owl wud b proud-

 

(2:46p) *Small victories.*

 

(2:46p) *You think I can get through this?*

 

(2:46p) *All of it, I mean?*

 

(2:49p) -je sais que tu peux-

 

(2:50p) * :’) *

 

(2:50p) *Merci.*

 

(2:51p) -de rien-

 

—-

 

(11:12p) *Question. If you're still awake.*

 

(11:15p) -i am wsup?-

 

(11:16p) *Would your dad hear you if you talked on the phone?*

 

(11:17p) -prob if i was inside but im not rn-

 

(11:17p) -do u want me 2 call u?-

 

(11:18p) *You don't gotta.*

 

Daryl dials her number and she picks up on the second ring.

 

“I told you that you didn't have to,” she says.

 

“I know. What's up?”

 

“Nothing really. I was just feeling sad again and wanted to hear your voice.”

 

“Oh. Okay.”

 

“That alright?”

 

“'Course. Your aunt not around?”

 

“She is, but I'm outside too.”

 

“How come?”

 

“Was feeling claustrophobic and thought I'd sit out here and have a cigarette. What about you?”

 

“Same. The house always feels bad when he's home, you know?”

 

“I do. At least it's a nice night. It's starting to be warm even after the sun's gone down.”

 

“Yeah, I like it.”

 

“Moon's pretty, too.”

 

“Mhm, it's real bright; almost full I think.”

 

“God, my brain can turn literally anything into something depressing.”

 

“Whaddya mean?”

 

“Just now, sitting here looking at the sky, I randomly wondered how long ago it was that she saw the moon. I mean, she was bed bound, and only ever left the house for doctor appointments, and those were in the daytime. She might not have seen the moon for over a year, and now she never will.”

 

“She got to see you every day, though.”

 

“How's that the same?”

 

“You're her kid and you was always there for her. Pro'ly were the thing she cared about most, so she didn't need no moon. She had you.”

 

“Christ, are you trying to make me bawl?”

 

“No. Sorry.”

 

“Don't be. You know what's the hardest part of letting myself feel all of this bullshit?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I have to deal with the guilt.”

 

“Guilt over what?”

 

“Guilt over everything. For complaining about taking care of her. For wanting her to be alive again, even though she was miserable...for the times I caught myself wishing she would just die so that it could be over with. Who thinks that about their own mother?”

 

“None of that is stuff you should feel guilty about.”

 

“I do though. And I also feel anger. Like, what right did she have bringing me into this in the first place? Why did I have to take care of her instead of the other way around, and why do I now have to live my life knowing I might have the same fate? I want my own family, an actual good one, but if I'm sick then I never will.”

 

“You don't know everything that'll happen. Maybe things will be good.”

 

“I'd say both of us are due some good after everything we've had to go through. Wonder if we’ll get it.”

 

“I wanna think we will.”

 

“Me too. But hey?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“At least we both can see the moon.”

 

—-

 

_ April 15th _

_ Thursday _

 

Daryl is flat on his back on Glenn’s bedroom floor with Picatso curled up on his belly. He takes a sip of the water he’d asked Glenn for, and is watching his friends play video games, the view upside down from his vantage point on the ground. 

 

“You suck at this game, Rick,” he muses when Rick dies for a third time in a row. 

 

“I’d like to see you do better,” Rick says, casting a quick scowl his way. 

 

“I’m good,” Daryl says, stroking Picatso’s back. 

 

“Hey, Daryl,” Glenn says then. “I have a weird question.”

 

“I pro’ly don’t want to answer it, but go ahead,” Daryl responds. Glenn pauses the game and turns in his chair to look at him.

 

“Maggie asked me to ask you for a favor that you’re going to say no to at first, but I think you should consider it.”

 

“‘Kay, what is it?”

 

“So you know Maggie’s little sister, Beth? The sophomore?”

 

“Uh, yeah, kinda? I know  _ of _ her; I ain’t ever met her. Why?”

 

“Okay, well Beth really wants to be able to go to prom, partially because she wants to do something fun with Maggie before she goes to college, but also I guess this junior boy from choir, Zach or something, is going with some friends and she has the hots for him but doesn’t want to ask him directly because she doesn’t know how he feels about her, something you can relate to, am I right?” 

 

“Where’s this going?”

 

“In order for Beth to get into prom, an upperclassman is going to have to take her as a date. We all are going the same sex thing—except Shane and Lori bailed because ‘it’s our last hurrah before graduation and we wanna do it the traditional way,’ or something stupid like that—but that means the only other upperclassman that we’re buddies with is you. Maggie wanted to know if you’d take Beth as your quote-unquote date in order for her to go.”

 

“No,” Daryl says flatly. 

 

“Okay, so we got the initial no out of the way,” Glenn says, sounding prepared for this. “Hear me out though.”

 

“I’m not going to prom.”

 

“Just hear me out.”

 

Daryl squints at him and with a sigh, says, “Fine, but the answer is still gonna be no.” 

 

“I think you should go for a few reasons, and Rick, feel free to back me up on these.”

 

“...Alright.” Rick says cautiously.

 

“First off, all your friends are going and want you to be there.”

 

“The only people I spend any time with is you two and Carol, and I can see y’all anytime, why do I gotta go to prom to do that?”

 

“Because Shane and Lori, though traitors, are also kind of right. This is a ‘last hurrah’ of sorts. We graduate in less than two months and then we’re all going to be split up every which way across the state, and in some cases, the country, and I think you should join us for that.”

 

“Especially since you’ve never gone to anything like this your entire life, and this is your last year to experience it,” Rick adds. Daryl sets his jaw and is still unconvinced.

 

“What’s the second reason?” he asks.

 

“Carol,” says Glenn.

 

“Figured. What about her? ‘Cause she already knows I don’t give a shit about prom and don’t intend to go and she ain’t asked me to change my mind.”

 

“For one thing, she’s going to be all dressed up and looking super hot and I dunno why you’d want to miss out on that.”

 

“Pfft,” Daryl scoffs. “She’s the only thing worth looking at any day of the week. I don’t need to see her all dolled up to know she’s pretty.”

 

“Okay, that’s very sweet, but I still think you’d wanna see her.”

 

“Especially with Michonne making her dress. She’s going to look really good,” Rick adds. 

 

“Remember how you couldn’t meet her eye for an entire day because you thought the dress she was wearing was too pretty? Imagine seeing that, but like, tenfold,” says Glenn. 

 

“Great, so I’d just be all tongue tied the whole night ‘cause I’m a dumbass who can’t handle any normal feelings at all ever? You ain’t makin’ a very good case so far.”

 

“How about this, then,” Glenn says. “She wants you to be there.”

 

“I told you she’s fine with it.”

 

“That’s because she doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable or press your boundaries, but think about it. If we’re going on the assumption that she’s still not sure how you feel about her, or relationships in general, you refusing to go to an event largely based around couples isn’t going to help convince her in the right direction. The only concrete evidence she has about your sexuality is that you’re not gay, and you wouldn’t have sex with her when she was drunk.”

 

“Which I still think is super telling in its own right,” Rick says. “That she would say it’s ‘good to know’ that you’re not gay, and that her first instinct when plastered is to try and get you in bed? That screams unrequited love to me.”

 

“Ugh,” Daryl says, draping an arm over his eyes. “Why’s it gotta be prom, though?”

 

“Because prom offers opportunities that have thus far been crazy hard to come by,” Glenn says.

 

“I don’t dress up. Last suit I wore was to my mother’s funeral, and it used to be my brother’s so it was two sizes too big.”

 

“You don’t have to get a tux or anything,” Glenn says.

 

“Get a pair of black pants with no holes and a nice white button up shirt. That’s basically peak formal wear for you, and it’s about what anybody would expect.”

 

“I don’t dance.”

 

“Then don’t dance,” says Rick.

 

“Although, you could always pull a total romance movie move and surprise Carol with a slow dance,” Glenn says with a sly grin.

 

“Yeah, no,” says Daryl.

 

“You love her, though,” Glenn argues.

 

“Maybe I do—that word is still weird—but I don’t love anybody or anything more than I hate dancing.”

 

“Ha, remember when you panicked real hard and told Jesus you couldn’t have sex with him because you were in love with Carol?” Glenn asks, laughing.

 

“Remember when you put pegging on your bucket list?” Daryl asks. Glenn throws a pillow at him. Picatso lets out an annoyed meow and leaps off Daryl’s belly with a scowl.

 

“Anyway, you should go,” Glenn says. “It would be doing a huge solid for both Maggie and Beth, I promise you nobody will force you to dance, and it’ll make Carol happy to have you there.”

 

Daryl groans, pressing the palms of his hands over his eyes.

 

“Fuck it,” he says after a long minute of pouting. He drops his hands and glares at upside down Rick and Glenn. “Fine, I’ll go. But I am not acting like Beth’s real date. I’m just there to get her in the door. I ain’t taking any pictures in the foyer or whatever. However low her expectations are, tell her to lower them even more.”

 

“God, you’re such a romantic,” Rick says, placing a hand to his heart. Daryl throws the pillow Glenn threw at him and it hits Rick in the face, which is gratifying. 

 

“I hope you get just how much I hate this,” Daryl tells them both.

 

“We honor your sacrifice, soldier,” Glenn says with a salute. He then grabs the controller out of Rick’s hands and tosses it to Daryl. “Now play this round with me, ‘cause Rick keeps screwing us up.”

 

Grumbling, Daryl pushes himself up as Glenn unpauses the game.

 

—-

 

(9:42p) -bad news-

 

(9:47p) *Uh oh, what is it?*

 

(9:50p) -ig im going 2 prom-

 

(9:53p) *...............*

 

(9:53p) *What?*

 

(9:55p) -yeah thats how i feel abt it 2-

 

(9:56p) *Why are you going to prom?? You said it was your literal hell.*

 

(9:58p) -o it still is dw-

 

(9:58p) -ig maggie asked glenn 2 ask me if i wud take beth so she cud get in since shes an underclassman-

 

(9:59p) -i said no but they wudnt stfu so i finally said ok-

 

(10:02p) *Wait, so you’re going to prom with Beth?*

 

(10:03p) -literally only 2 get her in the door-

 

(10:03p) -i considered taking her n then just ditching but i figure if im paying 4 the ticket i mite as well stay n hang w/ u n rick n glenn-

 

(10:05p) *...Right.*

 

(10:06p) -is tht cool?-

 

(10:09p) *Yeah, it’s fine.*

 

(10:09p) *Just surprised you agreed to go at all. You pretty adamenty said no when I asked you to come.*

 

(10:12p) -ig the combo of all of u asking made me cave? Idk?-

 

(10:13p) *I get it. I’m glad you’ll be there.*

 

(10:13p) *Beth will be happy about it too.*

 

(10:16p) -ya ig?-

 

(10:20p) *I’m gonna try and sleep early for once. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.*

 

(10:21p) -ok-

 

(10:21p) -gnite-

 

(10:22p) *Night.*

 

—-

 

_ April 18th _

_ Sunday _

 

“A county inmate is attempting to contact you. To accept the charges, press one.” 

 

Daryl takes a brief second to pump himself up for the conversation he doesn’t particularly want to have, before tapping one on his phone keypad. 

 

“Hey, Merle,” he says flatly into the receiver. 

 

“Baby brother!” says Merle on the other end. “Missed you at visiting hours today.” 

 

“Yeah, sorry, I was at the shop. You know how it is.” 

 

“For sure, no problem. Next time, right?”

 

“Yeah, maybe.”

 

“Where’s the ol’ man at?”

 

“Pfft, it’s after dark and he ain’t got a job—where do you think he is?”

 

“My guess is passed out on that piece ol’ shit recliner, right?”

 

“Mm.”

 

“He been hittin’ the bottle pretty hard then?”

 

“No more than usual.”

 

“You good, though, baby brother?”

 

“Fine. And before you ask, I can’t send you money for your commissary for a couple weeks. I spent last paycheck on gas for a trip I went on, and dad’s got me dealin’ with all the April bills, plus I just dropped like twenty bucks on tickets to...never mind.”

 

“What was that? Twenty bucks on what?”

 

“Nothin’. Point is I ain’t got the cash right now. I’ll hook you up when I can.” 

 

“I know you’re good for it, baby brother, don’t you worry. You got me wondering just what you’ve been up to, though. Did you say you went on a trip?”

 

“Uh, yeah, I went to Virginia Beach with some friends for spring break.”

 

“Seriously?”

 

“It wasn’t no big deal.”

 

“You’re a real social butterfly all of a sudden, ain’tcha? Baby brother’s finally started to bloom!”

 

“Shut the fuck up.”

 

“Now what were these tickets to that you don’t wanna talk about? You going to some pussy shit with all your lil’ friends, like the opera or somethin’?”

 

“Pfft, no. Look, don’t worry about it, it’s just for a school thing.”

 

“A school thing, huh? Lemme think, lemme think, what things are goin’ on this time of year?”

 

“Will you drop it?”

 

“What month we in? April?”

 

“Merle, seriously.”

 

“Oh.  _ Oh _ . Holy shit. Baby brother...are you going to  _ prom _ ?”

 

“Let it go, man.”

 

“No fucking way. Are you taking that chick you told me about back in January? The Miller’s girl?”

 

“She’ll be there. It’s more of a group of friends thing, it’s nothin’ special.”

 

“You still spendin’ time with this chick, though?”

 

“I dunno, sometimes I guess.”

 

“How often is ‘sometimes’.” 

 

“She’s a real good friend of mine so we spend together. Jesus you’re a nosy motherfucker.”

 

“Well you tell me if I should have ever expected that the little eight year old kid who hid in the woods for a whole goddamn day once ‘cause he was too scared to go back to school where, and I quote, “all them mean people are,” would be goin’ on spring break trips and goin’ to prom and talkin’ to a girl. Always figured you’d go hermit on me, baby brother. I’m proud of you.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

“I’m serious, man,” 

 

“Yeah, alright,” Daryl muttes. He picks dirt out from underneath his nail and chews on his bottom lip. “Hey, can I ask you somethin’?”

 

“Go for it.”

 

“Have you ever...like has there ever been a time where you were sweet on a girl? I mean like,  _ actually _ sweet on her, and not just wantin’ to fuck her or whatever?”

 

“That’s one pansy-ass question, baby brother. You leave your balls back in Virginia?”

 

“Forget it, never mind.”

 

“No no, I’ll answer it. Let’s see...I guess there was one. She was this foxy thing I met when I was doin’ training in 29 Palms. I was a couple years older than you are now, fresh outta bootcamp, and I’d leave the barracks on the weekends and spend them at her place. Sweetest girl in the world—way sweeter than I ever deserved. On my life she was always baking me these little mini pies; had to hide ‘em ‘cause the guys always knew I’d have ‘em when I came back on Sunday night. She was somethin’ else.”  

 

“What happened?”

 

“I got orders for Annapolis. I asked her to marry me. She said no; didn’t wanna be a military wife. We said goodbye and that was that.”

 

“You never saw her again?”

 

“Nah. No idea what she got up to after I left. I hope she’s doin’ good, though. She’s one of the few in this world that deserves it.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“This girl of yours? The Miller’s kid. She one of the few, too?”

 

“...Yeah. She is.”

 

“Then you hang onto her, then, ya’hear?”

 

“I hear you.”

 

“You better. Us Dixons? We need as much good around us as we can get.” 

 

—-

 

_ April 23rd _

_ Friday _

 

(7:45a) -i cant go 2 prom 2nite-

 

(7:47a) ~what? Why?~

 

(7:48a) -i’ll look weird n carol will b there looking nice n i just cant-

 

(7:52a) ~oh, so you mean you can but are just freaking out. i get it.~

 

(7:54a) >It’ll be fine, Daryl. You got through spring break.<

 

(7:55a) -bc i cud literally hide in the woods-

 

(7:55a) -there r gna be ppl-

 

(7:55a) -SO many ppl-

 

(7:56a) ~but consider: carol will be there, and she will be licking hotdogs.~

 

(7:57a) -wtf is wrong w/ ur phone-

 

(7:58a) ~goddamnit.~

 

(7:58a) ~*looking hot.~

 

(7:59a) >I think Glenn’s point is that it’s all gonna work out, brother.<

 

(8:00a) - :/ :/ :/ -

 

—-

 

(8:15a) *After school today I am basically getting kidnapped by Michonne and am going to spend several hours being willingly tortured just so I can look hot for one night.*

 

(8:16a) *Remind me why I thought this was a good idea.*

 

(8:19a) -u r asking the literal wrong person-

 

(8:22a) *Lmao, not excited for your date tonight?*

 

(8:27a) -ew dont call it tht-

 

(8:29a) *Well, you /are/ her date, aren’t you?*

 

(8:33a) -ig but glenn said she rly is just hoping 2 get w/ this 11th grader-

 

(8:37a) *I’m sure she’ll be able to swing it, she’s super pretty and very sweet.*

 

(8:40a) -i barely kno wut she looks like-

 

(8:43a) *Omg, this just occurred to me.*

 

(8:43a) *What are you going to wear??*

 

(8:45a) -not a tux-

 

(8:47a) *Why would you deprive me of that? Do you hate me?*

 

(8:51a) -clearly-

 

(8:56a) *Did you seriously just say to me, “I’d say hi but I can’t because I hate you.” You snarky asshole! Come back up here and say hello to me properly.*

 

(8:57a) -nope-

 

(8:58a) -lmao asshole. ur lucky the teacher didnt see u throw tht paper wad @me-

 

(8:59a) *She would have understood that you deserved it.*

 

(9:04a) -uh huh-

 

(9:06a) -hey how r u doin btw? like w/ feelings n stuff?-

 

(9:06a) -u havent tlked abt it much n i kno prom was kinda a sore spot-

 

(9:11a) *I dunno. I’m a little sad. I talked about it in that group you kept insisting I go back to last Sunday.*

 

(9:14a) -u actually tlked in grp?-

 

(9:17a) *Lol that’s something I would normally ask you.*

 

(9:18a) *But yeah, I did. Only for a minute. I mentioned how a lot of my friends have moms that are doing prom stuff with them, and they helped point out that even if I don’t have my mom I do have a support system.*

 

(9:19a) *That made me feel a little guilty, tho.*

 

(9:22a) -y?-

 

(9:25a) *Bc besides you most people don’t know anything about me. Michonne’s got this like, puzzle with a bunch of missing pieces. I never gave her details about anything. I never gave anyone details about anything.*

 

(9:26a) *That’s probably something I’ll have to address during the ~~~grief process~~~ but I’m not there yet.*

 

(9:31a) -little steps rite?-

 

(9:33a) *Yeah.*

 

(9:33a) *Anyway, that’s all to say that, yeah, I’m sad, but it’s kind of that background sad that’s always there a little bit. As a whole I think I’m handling things a lot better and I’m proud of myself tbh.*

 

(9:37a) -u shud b-

 

(9:37a) -i am-

 

(9:42a) *Thank you.*

 

(9:42a) *Tho ask me how I’m doing after I’ve let Michonne do my hair and my answer may change.*

 

(9:46a) -y do u do tht 2 urself?-

 

(9:48a) *’Tis the price of beauty, mon chéri.*

 

(9:49a) -...-

 

(9:49a) -stop-

 

(9:50a) * <3 *

 

—-

 

(5:07p) *Michonne is brushing my hair so hard my entire head is going to get ripped off. This is how I die. Will you read the eulogy at my funeral?*

 

(5:11p) -no i h8 public speaking-

 

(5:14p) *Ok that’s fair.*

 

(5:15p) *She did (ow) show me the dress (ow) she made for me and she wasn’t wrong (ow), it’s pretty fucking rad.*

 

(5:16p) *(ow)*

 

(5:19p) -hopefully it goes well w/ a bald head since it sounds like shes pulling all ur hair out-

 

(5:23p) *You joke, but I’m not so sure she won’t.*

 

(5:24p) *Are you getting ready?*

 

(5:28p) -its not until 7-

 

(5:31p) *Oh yeah, I forgot all you have to do is put on clothes and leave the house.*

 

(5:31p) *Fuck you for that, by the way.*

 

(5:34p) -glenn n rick 4 real gave me clothes bc they wudnt let me just wear what i usually wear-

 

(5:35p) -they said i had 2 many holes in my jeans 2 wear them-

 

(5:38p) *I wonder what an acceptable number of holes would be.*

 

(5:41p) -nothing i own ig-

 

(5:41p) -this shirt is so white i didnt kno things cud b this white-

 

(5:45p) *Get Henry to jump on you before you leave to fix it.*

 

(5:47p) -i asked already rick said i cudnt do tht-

 

(5:49p) *Lol! Dork.*

 

(5:50p) *Okay, time for Michonne to do my makeup and for us to “make sure we’ve got the right complementary aesthetic going on.”*

 

(5:50p) *Be thankful you only have Rick and Glenn.*

 

(5:51p) -4 real-

 

(5:51p) -gud luck-

 

(5:52p) *See you in an hour or so, loser.*

 

—-

 

“Where the fuck are you goin’ dressed all fancy?” Daryl’s dad asks, coming out of the bathroom just as Daryl was about to escape unseen through the front door. He curses internally and glances at his dad over his shoulder.

 

“I got a thing,” he says. “I’ll probably be home late.”

 

“A thing, huh?” His dad looks him up and down. It really is an innocuous outfit, but on Daryl it might as well be off-the-rack attire. “You got a date or somethin’?”

 

“No. It’s...it’s a school thing. Look, I gotta go.”

 

“Shit, are you going to a dance?” At Daryl’s silence, his daddy bursts out laughing. “How’d you con some poor girl into goin’ with you? Don’t tell me it’s that same bitch you screw whenever I’m out of town. I’m tellin’ you now, she’s got you by the balls, son. Got you all dressed up like you’re about to go work a 9-5 at the office.*

 

“Thanks for that,” Daryl mutters. “Can I go now?”

 

“Whatever,” his daddy says with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Go dance with your little piece of ass. Oh, and bring home some cigarettes. And if those dumb kids are drinkin’ anything good be sure to snag it from ‘em, the cupboards are lookin’ bare.” 

 

“Yeah, okay,” Daryl mumbles, just barely resisting his eye roll. The last thing he needs is to piss off his dad. He yanks the broken door open, side steps Henry with an apology, and heads for his bike, but pauses. After a split second debate, he goes to the truck and opens it to grab the leather vest Carol made him that he’d tossed in there the other day. He slips it over top of his white shirt and instantly feels more like himself. He rolls his sleeves up to his elbows and ruffles it up a bit. Satisfied, he gets on his bike, and, with a smidge more confidence, rides off towards the school.   
  


—-

 

Daryl parks in the spot near his tree. The school looks unfamiliar with all the lights on in the dark. Students in expensive dresses and suits are filtering in towards the doors. Daryl briefly wonders how pissed everyone would be if he left right now, but he figures it’s not worth the risk. With a heavy sigh, he stuffs his hands in his pockets and follows everyone else.

 

Rick and Glenn are waiting for him a ways away from the entrance. They’re color coordinated with matching corsages, and they are hooked at the elbow. Daryl huffs a little breath.

 

“Cute couple,” he says once he’s in earshot. 

 

“Thanks,” Rick laughs.

 

“Of course you wore the vest,” Glenn says. “All we told you to do was wear a white shirt and dark jeans with no holes. That’s it, those were your only instructions. How do you already have mud on your pants?” 

 

Daryl glances down and sees he’s got dried mud just above his boot on his left pant leg. 

 

“No idea,” he says, looking back up. “It just kind of happens.” He hunches his shoulders up to his chin and exhales, feeling awkward. “Where’s everybody else?”

 

“Maggie and Beth should be here any second,” Glenn says. “They went to go pick up Maggie’s friend Sasha—she’s her date. Tara and Rosita are already in there. Who knows where Jesus and Aaron are.”

 

“And Michonne and Carol?” Daryl asks.

 

“Right there,” Rick says, pointing behind Daryl. “And holy shit.” 

 

Daryl turns around and at first doesn’t recognize them. When his brain catches up to his eyes he sees Michonne first. She’s dressed in a form-fitted suit, with a white button up shirt under her black blazer. She’s got tight black pants that stop just above her ankles, and she’s wearing a pair of simple black pumps. Her hair is braided in a new pattern, there are silver hoops in her ears, and her lips are a deep red. She’s wearing a black bowtie. Objectively, she looks fantastic, but Daryl lets Rick take on the task of ogling her, because he only has eyes for Carol.

 

The dress Michonne has made her is a white, lacy material at the top, giving way to a black skirt that hugs her hips, stopping just above her knee. Her legs look even longer than usual in the heeled, black ankle boots she has on. It has a slit up the side that shows off the skin of her thigh. She has silver bangles on both of her wrists and her lips are the same color as Michonne’s. Her hair is fucking stellar. Michonne has somehow managed to wrangle all the curls into an intricate braid that drapes over her shoulder. 

 

Given the fact that he’s not currently underwater, Daryl knows it’s unlikely, but even still he’s pretty certain he’s drowning.

 

“Go ahead,” Michonne says once she and Carol reach them. “Tell us how amazing we look.” She takes Carol’s hand, lifts her arm, and has her twirl in a circle. Her giggles make Daryl want to melt into the concrete. 

 

“You guys look amazing,” Glenn says, sounding genuinely impressed. 

 

“Fucking gorgeous,” Rick says. He tries to kiss Michonne but she presses her fingers to his lips.

 

“Not in front of my date, Grimes,” she says, nodding at Carol.

 

“Trying to steal my woman right in front of me? Despicable,” Carol says, grinning. She turns to Daryl then and there’s an off-center beat of silence between them as they meet each other’s eye. She bites her bottom lip, white tooth against the red lipstick, and then says, “I like your vest.”

 

“Yeah well, something I just found laying around,” Daryl says shyly. He clears his throat. “You look…” Words, he thinks, what are the  _ words _ ? “Real nice.” 

 

Yeah, those weren’t the right words, but Carol seems to understand them anyway. She gives him a playful nudge.

 

“You look real nice yourself,” she quips and Daryl snorts. 

 

“Who all are we waiting for?” Michonne asks then, and Daryl suddenly remembers that other people exist. He looks up just in time to see Glenn glaring at Daryl, expression one of someone about to combust from the burden of holding such an  _ obvious _ secret. Daryl almost feels bad.

 

“I think that’s Maggie’s car up there,” Glenn says, nodding towards the parking lot once he’s done sending daggers at Daryl with his eyes. They wait as Maggie, Sasha, and Beth join up with them.

 

Beth decides to greet Daryl with a hug. He tenses automatically while she says, “Thanks so much for this, Daryl, I really wanted to come.” She pulls away and then turns to the others and says, “Wow, you guys look amazing,” like nothing happened. Daryl exchanges a look with Carol, who gives a sort of sour smile he doesn’t quite understand.

 

“Shane and Lori said they’d be late, so we can probably head in,” Rick says. 

 

They pull out their tickets and get in the short line at the door. Beth stands uncomfortably close to Daryl, smiling up at him. She’s cute enough, in a flowy, baby blue dress, and she’s definitely friendly. Zach could do worse, he thinks. 

 

Once they’re inside Daryl instantly remembers one of the biggest reasons he didn’t want to come: It is  _ so _ crowded and  _ so _ loud.

 

“Isn’t this great?” Beth shouts over the music to him. He decides he can’t say “no” so instead he says nothing. 

 

“C’mere,” Carol says suddenly in his ear, taking him by the elbow. “Let’s claim a table before more people get here. That way you have somewhere to sit and brood and avoid the dance floor.”

 

“Bless you,” he says back, and lets her guide him to a nearby table. The others follow. Daryl pulls out a chair, sits on it backwards, and figures that this will be his spot for the rest of the night. 

 

“You want something to drink?” Carol asks.

 

“I can get him something,” Beth says helpfully, smiling at her. “I’ll go get us both something,” she says to him. He nods his thanks at her.

 

“Chipper, isn’t she?” Carol says, and Daryl shrugs at her.

 

“She’s nice, I guess.”

 

“Sorry if she’s a little overeager,” Maggie says, overhearing them. “She’s just excited. She loves romance movies and teenage rom-coms and all that, so prom is like, her paradise.” 

 

“One person’s hell is another person’s heaven, apparently,” Carol says to Daryl.

 

“Guess so.” He looks around the gymnasium transformed into a dance floor. People are laughing and moving and talking and it’s all overstimulating. “What do you do at these things other than dance and yell because you can’t hear anything over the shitty music?” he asks, or rather, yells at Carol.

 

“Beats me,” she says. “I’ve never been to a school dance.” 

 

“What are they even playing?”

 

“I think it’s a combination of Glenn and Shane’s terrible road trip playlists,” Carol says.

 

“I heard that,” Glenn yells.

 

“How? I can barely hear myself,” Daryl yells back. To Carol, he asks, “Do you think if we slipped the DJ a twenty he’d play your Fleetwood Mac playlist?” 

 

“Maybe, but I spent all my money on the fucking tickets for this thing.”

 

“Pfft, right? Fucking rip-off,” Daryl agrees.

 

“I got your drink, Daryl!” Beth returns then, carrying two cups of punch. She hands one to him.

 

“Thanks,” he says, sipping on it. It is not good.

 

“Are you guys gonna dance?” Beth asks the table, grinning. “Daryl?”

 

“No thanks,” he says. It doesn’t seem to curb her enthusiasm any. 

 

“Carol?” Michonne asks, holding out her hand. Carol laughs and looks over at Daryl. “Are you okay if we go dance for a while?”

 

“Go ahead,” he says. She gives his shoulder a squeeze and then heads off with Michonne. The others pair up, Maggie taking Beth with her as a tagalong. 

 

For the next who knows how long, Daryl sits alone at the table, sipping on bad punch and watching Carol dance with Michonne. She looks happier than she has in weeks, if not months. He can tell all the way from his chair that her smile is the real one. With the distance and privacy, Daryl grants himself the rare permission to appreciate her body. She’s truly gorgeous like this, but there’s a part of him that prefers his every day Carol, and then there’s a third part that says he probably would still have it hopelessly bad for her if she were covered in warts and wearing a trash bag, because her being pretty is a perk, but not the reason he adores her.

 

“Hey, Daryl,” someone says from beside him. He turns to see Jesus taking a seat next to him. 

 

Oh no, he says internally.

 

“Hey,” he says out loud. 

 

“Enjoying yourself?” Jesus asks.

 

“Um, sure,” he says. He’s not having the  _ worst _ time at least.

 

“You know what I was thinking about the other day?” Jesus asks. Daryl isn’t sure he wants to know.

 

“What?” he asks cautiously. 

 

“That you and Carol would make a super cute couple. I don’t know why that was in my head, but have you ever thought about you and her together.”

 

“Do you not remember…No. No I haven’t. Never really thought of her that way, and if you think differently it’s not ‘cause I said anything like that to you.” 

 

“Alright,” Jesus says, nodding. “Well, I thought I’d let you know.” He goes to stand, but pauses. “By the way, though, if you do decide Carol’s not really your  _ type _ , if you catch my drift, Aaron and I both would love for you to—”

 

“Nope!” Daryl says loudly. “Nope, I have feelings for Carol, please don’t ask me what you’re about to ask me.” 

 

Jesus nods sagely at Daryl and says, “Hey man, I’m glad you can admit that to yourself.” He gives Daryl a hearty clap on the back and then disappears into the crowd. 

 

“Why does that keep happening?” Daryl mumbles to himself. 

 

The night wears on, his friends coming and going from the table periodically to take breathers. Twice, Beth has asked Daryl if he’s  _ really _ sure he doesn’t want to dance. His ears feel numb from the constant vibration, and the air feels stuffy. Just as he’s thinking he might dip out soon, Carol slips away from the dance floor and plops into the seat beside him, out of breath.

 

“Thanks,” she says, taking his cup without asking and draining what’s left in it. He laughs a little.

 

“No problem,” he says. She rests her head on his shoulder and they sit like that for a minute while she catches her breath.

 

“Hey,” she says, once she’s recovered, craning her neck to look up at him. “I need to get some air. Wanna go have a cigarette with me?”

 

“God yes,” Daryl says, relieved. She smiles at him and gets to her feet. She takes him by the wrist and they navigate the crowd together, until they finally find the exit. 

 

An entire weight lifts from Daryl the moment he steps outside. The bass of the music is still a distant background sound, but he can make out the hum of the cicadas returning from their winter hiatus, and there’s a nice breeze that touches his bare forearms.

 

“Tree?” she asks, and he nods. They walk in companionable silence. She’s a little disheveled from dancing for so long, her hair coming loose from her braid, and her lipstick faded, but it couldn’t matter less—she’s a marvel,, and it’s awful.

 

The space around the tree is empty, the only people are a ways away talking by their cars or heading to and from the school. She pulls out a crumpled pack of cigarettes from her bra and takes out two.

 

“What  _ don’t _ you keep in there?” Daryl muses, taking the cigarette she offers him. She snorts at him.

 

“You got a light? I can’t find mine,” she asks.

 

“How can you not know if you have a lighter in your bra?” he asks, taking his lighter out of his own pocket.

 

“I lost it earlier today, jackass,” she says, letting him cup his hand around the cigarette in her mouth and light it. He does the same to his own and leans up against the tree. 

 

“What are you doing?” he asks her a moment later when she starts rummaging down the front of her shirt again. In response, she pulls out her phone.

 

“I need to listen to something not shitty,” she says, scrolling through her phone and opening her music app. She turns her volume all the way up and sits her phone in the grass, speaker side up. Stevie Nicks’ voice comes out tinny and quiet, and it’s so much better than the music Daryl could barely discern in the gymnasium. 

 

Carol presses her back up against the tree and closes her eyes, taking a drag. They put out their cigarettes by the end of the first song, but stay standing where they are, content. Carol’s humming, swaying a little bit back and forth. 

 

“ _ Time casts a spell on you, but you won’t forget me _ ,” she sings softly. “ _ I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me. I’ll follow you down ‘til the sound of my voice will haunt you, and you will never get away from the sound of the woman that loved you _ .” 

 

She leans against Daryl, and he wraps his arm around her shoulder and sways with her. The song fades into the next one. Her hand finds his free one and she moves in to rest her forehead against his chest. He continues to hold her upper back with one arm and her hand with the other. 

 

“Hey Daryl?” she says softly.

 

“Hm?” he asks, still swaying.

 

“You’re dancing with me.” 

 

He stills. She pulls away far enough to give him a shit-eating grin. 

 

“How’d you do that?” he asks. 

 

“I’m just that good, I guess,” she says. He huffs.

 

“Guess so,” he mutters. She’s staring up at him, bright-eyed. He swallows. “You do look nice,” he says.

 

“Real nice?” she teases.

 

“Stop,” he says and she laughs. 

 

“Thank you,” she says. The smile on her face fades gradually and she furrows her brow a little, taking her gaze off of Daryl.

 

“What is it?” he asks her.

 

“Nothin’,” she says.

 

“Somethin’.”

 

“I just…” she looks up at him. “Do you like Beth?” 

 

“LIke, as a person? I guess?”

 

“No, I mean, she’s cute, and blonde, and not some weepy, cynical asshole. Do you  _ like _ her? Or could you?”

 

Daryl frowns at Carol, confused.

 

“I don’t know her at all,” he says. Carol huffs a little.

 

“I know, but...I don’t know how to ask what I’m trying to ask.” 

 

“Welcome to my entire life,” Daryl says. She gives him a weak smile that disappears as quickly as it came.

 

“Okay, let’s try this. I...didn’t like it when I saw you sitting on the pier with Rosita,” she says slowly. “And I didn’t like it when you said you were going to prom with Beth, and like, I  _ know _ that’s stupid, because you don’t them, and have no strong feelings about them either way, but something about it just made me so insecure.”

 

“Why?” Daryl asks, stomach feeling funny.

 

“I don’t know,” Carol says breathily. “Because they are pretty, wonderful girls.”

 

“So?”

 

“So what if they spend time with you and realize how amazing you are and you think they’re amazing back?”

 

Carol is wrought with so much insecurity it’s tangible, and Daryl can’t make heads or tails of it, because is she asking him if he’d be interested in anyone that isn’t  _ her _ ? Is that really what she’s asking him to tell her? This conversation feels like it’s headed towards rocky territory.

 

“They might be perfectly nice girls, but I ain’t gonna be interested in them the way you’re sayin’,” he tells her, heat rising in his cheeks. She takes a deep breath and asks him,

 

“ _ Why _ ?” 

 

And there it is—that golden opportunity; that “coming to a head” that Glenn promised him. All he has to do now is open his mouth and say the words and then she’ll know everything. 

 

But that’s the problem.

 

He has to say the words.

 

He searches her face, begging her to interpret him like she is so good at doing, but he knows that she needs more than a translation—she needs a firsthand account for this. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out but air. 

 

She’s staring at him, waiting not-so-patiently. He’s still holding her hand; still cradling her shoulders. His eyes stray from hers and go down to her lips—a perfect, nonverbal solution to his problem.

 

He doesn’t give himself time to think himself out of it. He makes the decision and sticks to it, and one second he’s regarding her, and in the next he’s leaning forward and pressing his lips against hers.

 

He pulls away so fast he barely has time to register the kiss; his first kiss. His heart is beating in his throat as he searches her face for a sign that he’s crossed a line. He can’t feel anything but the fear that he might have just ruined  _ everything _ .

 

But then she squeezes his hand, and he knows instantly that it’s a reassurance.

 

He’s not sure who moves next—maybe it’s both of them—but it’s not important. What matters is that they come together again, and this time he lets himself  _ feel _ it. She cups his face and he holds her closer to him, and he doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing and it doesn’t matter at all. It feels like fireworks. Or maybe it feels like a lightning bolt. Or maybe it doesn’t need a cliche at all, and it feels like exactly what it is—kissing a girl he’s been desperately sweet on since freaking October.

 

He grips the lace of her dress as the kiss gets deeper and deeper, and there’s nothing in his head but her. She smells of roses, just like always, and he’s certain he’s going to have some pavlovian response to the smell, and it’s always going to remind him of kissing. 

 

He never thought he’d enjoy kissing, and now he never wants to do anything else.

 

“YES!” an alarmingly loud exclamation comes from next to them. Both Carol and Daryl startle at the sound and pull apart to see Glenn standing by Daryl’s bike, his arms raised to the sky, his face beaming like he’s just won the lottery, and Rick at his side, arms crossed, looking obnoxiously smug. 

 

“Oh for the love of…” Daryl groans, burying his face in Carol’s shaking chest as she laughs. He lifts his head back up and snaps, “What the fuck are you guys doing out here?”

 

“Looking for you,” Rick says. “But seems like we may have interrupted something.”

 

“You were kissing!” Glenn says, pointing a finger at them. Then to Carol he says, “I knew. I’ve known for ages. Daryl has feelings for you. I’m allowed to tell you that now, because you already know, and not because I broke my promise. I didn’t tell anyone. Well, I told Rick, but besides that I kept a secret, Carol, I kept it for  _ so long _ .”

 

“That’s unfortunate,” Carol says. “If you’d said something sooner it would have saved us all a lot of time.” 

 

The look on Glenn’s face makes Daryl fall for Carol all over again.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Glenn asks. “Are you saying I  _ shouldn’t _ have kept it a secret?”

 

“Nah, you totally should have told me,” she says. “Now do you guys mind going away? I wanna makeout with Daryl some more.”

 

“Come on, buddy,” Rick says, taking a distraught Glenn by the elbow. “Have fun you two,” he calls over his shoulder as he leads him away.

 

Daryl turns back to Carol.

 

“You’ve done a lot of cool things since I’ve known you,” he says. “But crushing Glenn like that was the best of all of them.” 

 

“You are all such idiots,” she says, and she kisses him again. And again, and again, and again, and Daryl kisses back, elated.

 

—-

 

(1:01a) *I haven’t stopped smiling since I got home.*

 

(1:03a) -same its terrible-

 

(1:04a) *We’re gonna ruin our reputations if we keep this whole chipper thing up.*

 

(1:05a) -cant help it-

 

(1:06a) *Yeah me either.*

 

(1:06a) *Sooo...do you still hate prom?*

 

(1:07a) -nah-

 

(1;07a) -it definitely has its perks-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> je suis triste et je déteste le français = i am sad and i hate french
> 
> je sais et je suis désolé = i know and i am sorry
> 
> je sais que tu peux = i know that you can
> 
> merci = thank you
> 
> de rien = you're welcome 
> 
> mon chéri = my darling
> 
> \---
> 
> y'all are lucky you're getting this update tonight bc you almost didn't, it kicked my ass. i really wanted to deliver this one on time, tho, since it's a Big Chapter. never fear, though, we ain't done yet. it couldn't be that easy, could it? 
> 
> stay tuned, mon chéris.
> 
> -diz


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> french translations in end notes
> 
> cw in end notes

_ April 12th _

_ Saturday _

 

(8:42a) ~okay i don't even care that it's saturday morning, daryl, wake up because i need deeeeets.~

 

(8:49a) ~wake up goddammit.~

 

(8:56a) >I want details, too. Get up and tell us everything.<

 

(8:58a) ~ _ dumbass changed the group name to “daryl wake the fuck up” _ ~

 

(9:01a) >We have been a support for you through this whole crazy thing and you don't even have the decency to TELL US WHAT HAPPENED?<

 

(9:02a) ~if you don't tell us we're going to have to just start guessing.~

 

(9:03a) ~you tripped and fell onto her mouth and you both just rolled with it.~

 

(9:04a) >She was wearing cherry flavored lip gloss and you wanted to taste it.<

 

(9:05a) ~/you/ were wearing cherry flavored lip glass and /she/ wanted to taste it.~

 

(9:06a) >That wasn't actually you, it was your evil twin coming to steal your girl.<

 

(9:07a) ~one of you was dying and the other had to perform mouth-to-mouth but had no idea of the proper way to do it.~

 

(9:08a) >It was all a dream.<

 

(9:09a) ~she was worried she had tonsillitis so you decided to check but like, with your tongue.~

 

(9:10a) >Oh wow that's gross.<

 

(9:11a) ~hey he’s the one who did it.~

 

(9:12a) >Don't become a doctor, Daryl.<

 

(9:14a) -jfc-

 

(9:14a) -i woke up to 16 missed msgs i thot  someone died-

 

(9:15a) ~someone is gonna die if he doesn't fill us in on what happened last night.~

 

(9:16a) -so tht did rly happen the? i didnt make it up?-

 

(9:16a) -thts...rly somethin isnt it?-

 

(9:18a) ~daryl, i swear to god, if you don't give us details right now…~

 

(9:19a) >What happened before we showed up?<

 

(9:21a) -im not 100% sure i think i blacked out a lil-

 

(9:21a) -i danced w/ her i rmbr-

 

(9:22a) ~you did WHAT with her?~

 

(9:23a) -ya 2 fleetwood mac-

 

(9:24a) >Daryl, you word-for-word said “I don't love anybody or anything more than I hate dancing.”<

 

(9:25a) -ya idk ig i was wrong-

 

(9:25a) -i didnt even mean 2 we just suddenly were dancing-

 

(9:26a) ~incredible.~

 

(9:26a) ~then what?~

 

(9:28a) -she told me she didnt want me catching feelings 4 other girls n i said i wasnt gonna n she asked me y n i panicked bc i didnt kno how 2 tell her so i just like-

 

(9:28a) -kissed her?-

 

(9:29a) >/You/ kissed /her/?<

 

(9:30a) -yes-

 

(9:30a) -i mean if this is real n not a hallucination from jesus slipping me shrooms or smthn-

 

(9:30a) -i hope its real-

 

(9:31a) >It's real. You made an honest to god move on Carol and it /worked/.<

 

(9:32p) ~that’s my boiiii!~

 

(9:33a) -hmm-

 

(9:33a) -thts gud-

 

(9:34a) >Why do you sound so calm? I figured you'd be freaking out.<

 

(9:35a) -i think this is more than my brain can handle so its just giving up-

 

(9:36a) ~hahaha, i think he's in shop class.~

 

(9:36a) ~*shock. better luck next time, phone.~

 

(9:37a) -r u like-

 

(9:37a) -rly sure tht all happened?-

 

(9:38a) -wut if i misunderstood?-

 

(9:39a) >Daryl, you guys were sucking face so hard we thought you might have fused together. You didn't misunderstand. You kissed her and she kissed you back.<

 

(9:41a) -interesting-

 

(9:42a) ~god, he is so broken. this broke him. what do we do? laugh at him?

 

(9:43a) >No, we support him.<

 

(9:43a) >We can laugh at him later.<

 

(9:44a) ~have you messaged her today yet, daryl?~

 

(9:45a) -no-

 

(9:46a) >How come?<

 

(9:47a) -cuz shes gna say it was a mistake-

 

(9:48a) ~you are.~

 

(9:48a) ~absolutely.~

 

(9:48a) ~impossible.~

 

(9:49a) >Message her right now.<

 

(9:51a) -scared tho-

 

(9:52a) ~do it or we will and that will be incredibly embarrassing for you.~

 

(9:54a) - :/ -

 

(9:55a) >Do it.<

 

(9:55a) ~report back when you've talked to her.<

 

(9:56a) - :/ -

 

(9:56a) -k-

 

—-

 

_ Drafts _

 

-hi we made out last nite haha rmbr tht?-

 

_ delete _

 

-gud morning hope u still like me lol :/ -

 

_ delete _

 

-howdy wtf since when do i use the word howdy gdi im a mess-

 

_ delete _

 

-wsup idk wut 2 say 2 someone after spending over an hr making out w/ them the nite b4-

 

_ delete _

 

-i liked making out yesterday wna go somewhere 2day n make out more?-

 

_ delete _

 

-ajdnfjakafhalkfjh-

 

_ delete _

 

—-

 

(10:09a) *Good morning.*

 

(10:10a) -o hey i was just abt 2 txt u-

 

(10:10a) -woke up a min ago thts y i didnt txt earlier no other reason-

 

(10:10a) -bc we txt all the time n everything is normal-

 

(10:10a) -anyway-

 

(10:10a) -hi-

 

(10:12a) *Well that certainly answers my question of, “I wonder if Daryl is freaking out right now?”*

 

(10:13a) -y wud i b freaking out?-

 

(10:14a) *You tell me.*

 

(10:15a) -cant think of a reason-

 

(10:16a) *Not a single thing on your mind?*

 

(10:17a) -nope-

 

(10:18a) *No worries?*

 

(10:19a) -ive nvr worried abt anything in my life-

 

(10:20a) *Daryl, the other day you were anxious bc you thought you said “here” weird to the substitute teacher during roll call in english class.*

 

(10:22a) -ok yes im lying im v worried we did stuff yesterday n it is worrying me plz fix it-

 

(10:23a) -ive nvr kissed anyone b4-

 

(10:23a) -n we kissed a lot-

 

(10:23a) -like a lot a lot-

 

(10:23a) -n now idk wut 2 say 2 u bc wut if everything is different now?-

 

(10:23a) -i dnt want 2 fuk anything up bc ur my best friend but like-

 

(10:24a) -i wna kiss u again-

 

(10:24a) -ajsmfk y did i say tht pretend i didnt say tht i didnt mean it xcept yes i did but wut if it was the wrong thing 2 say?-

 

(10:24a) -im dying im going 2 die-

 

(10:25a) *Daryl.*

 

(10:26a) -yeah?-

 

(10:27a) *Breathe.*

 

(10:28a) -ok-

 

(10:29a) *So clearly we need to talk about last night, but first you are going to calm down. Can you do that?*

 

(10:30a) -do u wnt me 2 say yes or do u wnt me 2 tell the truth?-

 

(10:31a) *Lmao, you're a dork. Would it make you feel better if I told you I woke up this morning and the very first thing I thought to myself was “oh my god, I can't believe I finally got to make out with Daryl”?*

 

(10:33a) -finally?-

 

(10:33a) *Yes.*

 

(10:34a) *So if you're worried about me not being interested, don't be.*

 

(10:36a) -oh-

 

(10:37a) *That being said, we're still gonna have to talk about it. I'm warning you now, it's gonna involve words.*

 

(10:38a) -but i h8 words-

 

(10:39a) *I know, but we gotta.*

 

(10:39a) *Do you work today?*

 

(10:40a) -no-

 

(10:41a) *K, me either. Tell you what, if you come pick me up and drive us somewhere we can talk, I'll let you make out with me again.*

 

(10:43a) -.....-

 

(10:43a) -ok-

 

(10:44a) *Good. I can be ready by noon?*

 

(10:45a) -ok-

 

(10:45a) -ur aunts place?-

 

(10:46a) *Yeah.*

 

(10:47a) -ok-

 

(10:48a) *I'll see you soon.*

 

(10:48a) *And bring Henry!*

 

—-

 

From the second he panic-kissed her, to right now, as he puts a leash on Henry, Daryl's thoughts have been nothing but, “!!!!!!”. This territory is so untrodden he didn't even know it was on his map. Despite all the pining and complaining and deal making with Glenn and Rick, there has always been a part of him that's been certain this would never happen.

 

But it  _ did _ .

 

His mind has replayed it at least four million times; how they had stood, sat, and laid on the grass by the tree, spending the remainder of prom with their tongues down each other's throats, until reluctantly having to part ways after most of the people had headed home. Daryl hadn't known a damn thing about kissing, but he had definitely learned a thing or two last night.

 

But as over the moon he was then, he's twice as anxious now, because everybody always talks about the big first kiss, but no one's ever told him what he's supposed to do or say the morning after.

 

Daryl alternates between chewing on his cuticle and biting the inside of his cheek the entire drive to Carol's aunt's house, with Henry in the passenger seat, head out the window and tongue lolling. 

 

He's not sure which house is the right one until he sees her sitting on the front step of a blue porch. He pulls up to the curb in front of it. At the sight of Carol, Henry starts to whine and bark, tail thwapping Daryl on the arm. Daryl's stomach flip-flops when she notices them and starts heading over to the truck with a smile. He feels like he did that first day—nervous and out of his depth with this strange and pretty enigma of a girl.

 

“Hey boy,” Carol says, greeting Henry first, scratching his ears through the open window. “I haven't seen you in a minute, have I? Have you been good since I've been gone?”

 

“No,” Daryl answers for Henry, who is positively vibrating with excitement at the prospect of spending time with Carol. “He got into the dumpster and spilled garbage all over the lawn last week.”

 

“He didn't mean anything by it, I'm sure,” Carol says, booping Henry on the nose.

 

“You'd let this dog get away with murder.”

 

“And you spent a full hour trampling through the woods when he lost his ball in Virginia, because ‘he likes the red one better than the blue one,’” Carol counters, looking at him for the first time and smirking. 

 

“Well he does,” Daryl says. Carol shakes her head fondly at him, while he wrangles Henry into the backseat so she can get into the truck. She opens the door and climbs in, and immediately the atmosphere changes to an awkward tension Daryl doesn't know how to navigate.

 

“Um,” Carol says, drumming her fingers on her thigh. “I'm just gonna get something out of the way real quick, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Daryl says, giving a bemused frown. “What thing?”

 

In response, Carol places two fingers under his chin, tilting his head up, and leans over to give him a brief yet solid kiss right on the mouth.  

 

“There,” she says, pulling back. “Now we don't have to sit here and wonder if we're supposed to kiss or not.”

 

“Oh,” Daryl says, staring at her, cheeks blazing hot. She smiles at him.

 

“You're cute,” she tells him, which does nothing to lessen his blush. “So where are we going?”

 

“Um,” Daryl says, clearing his throat and then looking determinedly out the windshield glass. “I figured we'd go to that place I showed you 'while back. That hill up in the trees just outside of town? Looks like it might rain, though.” The sky is full of dark clouds that have been making what have thus far been empty threats all morning.

 

“We can risk it. I don't mind getting a little wet.” She nudges Daryl with her elbow and adds, “If you know what I mean.”

 

“Oh my God,  _ stop _ ,” Daryl says, practically combusting.

 

“Ha, sorry Pookie,” she says, not sounding sorry at all. 

 

“I am...gonna drive now,” Daryl mutters.

 

“Okay. Oh, but hey, real quick?”

 

“Hm?” he asks, looking at her. She takes hold of the front of his shirt and pulls him over to her so she can give him another quick kiss.

 

“Just that,” she says, grinning as she lets him go.

 

“Christ,” Daryl says. He ghosts a finger over his lips where he can still feel hers, and then quickly drops his hand to the steering wheel and grips it tight. He glances at Henry in the backseat, and to Carol, mumbles, “Not in front of the dog.”

 

—-

 

Daryl parks the truck at the base of the hill and grabs the blanket he keeps in the backseat, which smells like dirt and dog and probably shouldn’t be used by anyone until it’s been washed. Carol hops out and gets Henry, who takes the opportunity to jump up on her now that he’s able to give a proper greeting.

 

“Ready?” Daryl asks once he’s out of the truck too, slamming his door shut. 

 

“Yep,” Carol says. 

 

They begin the trudge up the hill. Halfway up, Carol reaches over and takes Daryl’s hand in hers. He stops in his tracks. 

 

“Okay?” she asks.

 

“Yeah,” he mutters, and lets her lead him the rest of the way up, until they’ve reached the peak looking out over the tops of all the trees all the way out to the horizon. 

 

Reluctantly, he lets go of her hand in order to spread the blanket out on the uneven ground. He takes Henry’s leash from Carol and places a heavy stone on top of the end to weigh it down so he won’t run off. He finds a large stick and tosses it Henry’s way to keep him busy, and then lowers himself down onto the blanket where Carol is already sitting cross-legged. He mirrors her position, facing her. He clears his throat.

 

“You gotta talk first ‘cause I ain’t got a clue what to say,” he tells her, and she smiles at him.

 

“Okay,” she says. “I guess I have some questions.”

 

“Aight, what questions?” he asks, staring down at his lap where he’s picking up dead leaves off the ground and tearing them up absently.

 

“Well...first off...was that, you know, more than just kissing?”

 

“How do you mean?” he asks, glancing up at her with a furrowed brow.   
  


“I...want to be with you. Like,  _ properly _ be with you.” She bites her lower lip, seeming uncertain. “Do you wanna be with me?” she asks, as if the answer could be anything but a resounding  _ duh _ .

 

“Carol,” Daryl says, eyes trained at his lap again. “I’ve wanted to be with you for a fuckin’ long-ass time.” 

 

“How long?”

 

“Honestly?” he says, picking up a twig and digging a tiny hole into the dirt with it. “Since almost the start.” 

 

“Glenn said he’s known?”

 

Daryl snorts. “Yeah. Dumbass is the one who made me realize I had it bad for you to begin with. First day I met him—at that football game, ‘member?—he kept asking me all these stupid questions about you ‘til it just hit me that you was, I dunno, somethin’ special.”

 

“And then you made him keep it a secret?”

 

“Mhm, so of course he went and spilled the beans to Rick, and that’s how we all ended up in the groupchat.” 

 

“ _ That’s _ what you talk about in the groupchat?  _ Me _ ?”

 

“You come up a helluva a lot, that’s for sure.”

 

“That’s hilarious.”

 

“Shut up,” Daryl mutters, smiling a little. 

 

“I been sweet on you, too, you know?”

 

That makes Daryl meet her eye.

 

“For real?”

 

“For real.”

 

“...How long?” he asks, embarrassed. He’s sure he’s been pathetically pining for way longer than she has.

 

“I’m sure it was pretty early on,” Carol says and Daryl gets a rush of adrenaline. “But I tried to pretend I didn’t, ‘cause I had no idea how you felt about, well, anyone, frankly, let alone me. And you and I were getting so close, I didn’t want to ruin it by scaring you off with my feelings. But the day I realized there was no way I could keep lying to myself about you was Friendsgiving.”

 

“Why then?”

 

“It was how you reacted to meeting my mom,” Carol says. “I’d  _ never _ brought a friend to my house, and I was so scared that you were going to see her and run for the hills, but you didn’t. In fact, you did the exact opposite. You called her ‘ma’am’ and answered her questions calmly and politely. You treated her with such dignity. Even though she was sick you saw the woman she used to be, you know? It was like you saw her the way I did—someone special whose body had just happened to betray them. The second you left the room I was just hit with this wave of affection. That was the moment I stopped pretending.” 

 

“Oh,” Daryl mutters. “Why didn’t you say something.”

 

“Pfft!” scoffs Carol. “Why didn’t you?”

 

“‘Cause,” he says, shrugging. “What if you didn’t like me back?”

 

“Well, what if  _ you _ didn’t like  _ me _ back?”

 

“I did, though.”

 

“How was I supposed to know that?” Carol asks, laughing. She maneuvers herself so that her head is resting on his leg and she’s looking right up at him. “Stop avoiding eye contact, Dixon,” she says. The corner of his mouth tugs up a little. He brushes a few strands of hair off her cheek.

 

“I wanna be with you,” he says softly.

 

“Good,” Carol says. “‘Cause I wanna be with you, too.” 

 

“Good.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Shut up,” Daryl says, laughing.

 

Carol pushes herself up and sits on her knees. She wraps her arms around his neck and says, “Make me,” a wicked glint in her eye. 

 

Daryl swallows hard. 

 

He puts his hands on her waist tentatively and breaches the short distance between them, pressing his lips to hers. It’s no less exhilarating than it was the day before. The kiss starts chaste, but Carol doesn’t let it stay that way for long. She opens her mouth and runs her tongue across the seam of his lips until he does the same. He feels like he’s got little pinpricks of electricity running all over his body. He grips her hips tighter.

 

A crack of thunder rumbles across the expanse of endless trees. He pulls away and says, a little out of breath, “It’s gonna rain.” 

 

“Then let it rain,” Carol says. She captures his mouth again, and they kiss like the world is ending. 

 

The heavy clouds burst open and large droplets start to fall, but they don’t pay it any mind. They stay in the downpour, their clothes drenched straight to the skin within a minute. Daryl tangles a hand in her sopping hair and holds her tighter, and they sit, pressed together, kissing in the rain.

 

—-

 

(7:56p) -ig i have a gf now?-

 

(8:01p) ~yaaaaaaassssssss!!!~

 

(8:03p) >Fuck yeah you do!<

 

(8:04p) ~our little caterpillar has turned into a majestic butterfly!~

 

(8:05p) >Our baby bird has left the nest!<

 

(8:06p) ~our socially awkward redneck has got the girl!<

 

(8:07p) -y do i tlk 2 either of u-

 

(8:08p) ~we’re so proud of you, buddy.~

 

(8:09p) >How are you feeling?<

 

(8:10p) -gud-

 

(8:11p) >Happy?<

 

(8:12p) -yeah-

 

(8:12p) -i feel happy-

 

—-

 

_ April 14th _

_ Monday _

 

(7:57a) *Salut beau gosse.*

 

(7:59a) -did u just say hello handsome 2 me in french?-

 

(8:03a) *Oui, mon chéri.*

 

(8:04a) *I downloaded a module on duolingo that teaches you how to flirt.*

 

(8:08a) -im sure this wont get weird-

 

(8:11a) *On the contrary, I’m sure it will get very weird. Time will tell.*

 

(8:11a) *Anyway, how are you today?*

 

(8:15a) -i was fine until u started flirting w/ me in french-

 

(8:17a) *You know your discontent only encourages me, right?*

 

(8:21a) -i do-

 

(8:24a) *You want to know something incredibly embarrassing?*

 

(8:27a) -sure-

 

(8:31a) *I legit considered calling in sick to work tonight just so I could spend time with you after school.*

 

(8:32a) *I miss you, like wtf? I just saw you two days ago?? I text you constantly???* 

 

(8:32a) *Stop making me sentimental, it’s gross.*

 

(8:34a) -its ok i am xcited 4 english class bc ur in it-

 

(8:34a) -thats way more pathetic-

 

(8:37a) *You’re probably still gonna sit in the back instead of next to me, aren’t you?*

 

(8:38a) -i mean-

 

(8:38a) -yeah lol-

 

(8:41a) *Good to know that being in a relationship hasn’t changed you entirely.*

 

(8:45a) -being in a relationship-

 

(8:45a) -thats still weird-

 

(8:48a) *Yeah. Good weird, though?*

 

(8:50a) -v gud weird-

 

(8:56a) *Omfg I hate myself.*

 

(8:57a) -y?-

 

(8:58a) *Bc I can’t look at you without wanting to kiss you, I am absolutely disgusted.*

 

(8:58a) *This is ruining my cynical, black heart.*

 

(8:59a) -yeah well same-

 

(8:59a) -u look nice 2day btw-

 

(9:00a) *Wtf??? How am I supposed to respond to compliments?*

 

(9:04a) -idk u compliment me all the time n i still dont kno how-

 

(9:07a) *I’m just gonna…..*

 

(9:07a) *Respond by saying weird things in French.*

 

(9:08a) -plz dont-

 

(9:09a) *Too late.*

 

(9:09a) *Vous venez ici souvent?*

 

(9:14a) -do i come here often? yes this is english class-

 

(9:19a) *Je peux vous offrir un verre?*

 

(9:22a) -u wna buy me a drink @ 9a?-

 

(9:25a) *Why do you use the at symbol instead of just writing it out?*

 

(9:25a) *Isn’t it harder to use the symbol than to just write out the word “at”?*

 

(9:28a) - :/ -

 

(9:28a) -y wud u say tht?-

 

(9:32a) *Lmao! I didn’t mean to call you out, I’ve just always wondered.*

 

(9:38a) -dont wonder abt how i txt even idk how or y i type how i do-

 

(9:42a) *Yes, that’s fair, it makes absolutely no sense.*

 

(9:43a) *It’s kind of like if someone who uses a lot of slang was actively having a stroke.*

 

(9:47a) -stfu- 

 

(9:49a) * <3 *

 

(9:54a) *You have.*

 

(9:54a) *A very kissable looking face.*

 

(9:56a) -asjfdljslah?-

 

(9:56a) -stop-

 

(9:58a) *Just stating facts, mon chéri.*

 

(9:59a) *You go enjoy math class while I ignore everything my teacher says and instead think about how we almost drowned on Saturday bc we refused to stop making out.*

 

(10:00a) -worth it-

 

(10:00a) -ttyl-

 

(10:51a) *Je ne suis pas saoul, je suis juste ivre de vous.*

 

(10:55a) -jfc-

 

(10:55a) -thats the worst 1 so far-

 

(10:57a) *Lmao, yeah, even I felt dorky using that one.*

 

(10:58a) *My dad texted me while I was in class.*

 

(10:59a) -hm wud he say?-

 

(11:02a) *“Hello Carol.”*

 

(11:03a) *Not a lot to go on there.*

 

(11:09a) -did u reply?-

 

(11:11a) *Wish.*

 

(11:11a) *And yeah, I just wrote back asking him what he wants.*

 

(11:14a) -u havent heard from him in like weeks rite?-

 

(11:17a) *Nope.*

 

(11:17a) *He usually only hits me up when he needs money.*

 

(11:18a) *Poor thing has had to work for a living for once. :( *

 

(11:21a) -god forbid-

 

(11:22a) *Duolingo owl forbid*

 

(11:22a) -dont say duolingo o nvr mind u alrdy did-

 

(11:25a) *Lol.*

 

(11:27a) *Ok he messaged back and asked if we could meet up sometime next week.*

 

(11:29a) -did he say y?-

 

(11:32a) *No. That’s what I asked in response.* 

 

(11:34a) *Uhhh, he said that he wants to see me and also he has something of my mom’s he wants to give me?*

 

(11:37a) -thats weird?-

 

(11:40a) *I asked if he could just give it to my aunt to give to me and he said no so I guess he’s holding whatever it is over my head so that I’ll meet up with him. Using my dead mom to manipulate me. Keepin’ it classy, dad.*

 

(11:42a) -gr8-

 

(11:42a) -r u gna go c him?-

 

(11:45a) *Ugh, probably.*

 

(11:45a) *I’m not gonna think abut it right now. I’m in a good mood for once, I’m not gonna let him ruin it.*

 

(11:47a) -aight. lunch?-

 

(11:48a) *We could.*

 

(11:48a) *Orrrrr...we could go to the tree where no one will be around and we can do whatever we want.*

 

(11:49a) *You decide.*

 

(12:00p) -.....-

 

(12:00p) -meet u @ the tree-

 

—-

 

(12:56p) *Well that was fun.*

 

(12:56p) *Tu veux être mon petit copain?*

 

(12:57p) -i alrdy am ur bf-

 

(12:58p) *Will you be my boyfriend but like, in French?*

 

(12:59p) -smdh-

 

(12:59p) -oui-

 

(1:00p) * :’) * 

 

(2:02p) *Voulez-vous danser avec moi?*

 

(2:05p) -do i wnt 2 dance w/ u?-

 

(2:05p) -i dnt dance-

 

(2:09p) *Well we both know that’s a goddamn lie.*

 

(2:13p) -ok tht dsnt count i didnt realize we were even dancing-

 

(2:17p) *Oh it /so/ counts.*

 

(2:25p) -wrong-

 

(2:31p) *Keep lying to yourself if it helps but we both know the truth.*

 

(2:31p) *It’s a bummer that my French test next week isn’t over flirting bc I would ace it no problem.*

 

(2:32p) *Unfortunately it is over irregular plurals and I’m going to fail. :) *

 

(2:35p) -duo doesnt have tht?-

 

(2:39p) *Haven’t unlocked it yet.*

 

(2:41p) -thats dumb-

 

(2:43p) *Tell me about it.*

 

(2:45p) -hey do u have a min b4 u gta go 2 work?-

 

(2:47p) *Yeah, why?*

 

(2:48p) -can i like-

 

(2:48p) -come say bye-

 

(2:49p) *God we are disgusting.*

 

(2:50p) -so is that a yes?-

 

(2:51p) *Duh.*

 

—-

 

(11:16p) *Hey Daryl?*

 

(11:19p) -yeah?-

 

(11:23p) *Tu me plais.*

 

(11:24p) -i like u 2-

 

(11:25p) *Goodnight, mon chéri.*

 

(11:26p) -nite-

 

(11:26p) -...ma chérie-

 

—-

 

_ April 17th _

_ Saturday _

 

Daryl had never had a more perfect week. Every day he waits for Carol to come to her senses, or for him to do something to fuck it all up, but every day she still wants to be with him. 

 

Being in a relationship after being close friends is a strange transition. They still text each other the same amount, but now their words are littered with little terms of endearment and blatant flirtations (sometimes in French). Spending time together is as comfortable as always, only now their activities are punctuated by occasional (maybe a little bit more than occasional) making out, which he hasn’t learned to love any less. He expected dating Carol to be some monumental change, but instead it’s all the good parts of having her as his best friend, just with a bunch of added perks. She makes him feel so good, that after so many good days in rapid succession, Daryl is completely thrown off guard by a particularly bad one. 

 

His Saturday starts off innocuous enough. He wakes up a little after ten to a text from Carol that’s just a series of alternating middle finger and kissy face emojis after he fell asleep in the middle of their conversation last night, and a text in the groupchat from Glenn that’s just a gif of an animated horse playing a saxophone with absolutely no context.

 

That afternoon, after playing with Henry, he goes to the shop for a couple hours where Axel won’t stop commenting on how “there’s something different about you that I can’t put my finger on, kid,” and he doesn’t even get that annoyed because he’s not wrong.

 

It isn’t until he gets home a bit before dusk that his day takes a sharp downturn. 

 

Going up the steps of his house he’s already wary. The door is partially ajar, and he can hear more than one person yelling inside. Against his better judgement, he peeks his head in to see his daddy in a heated argument with some woman he’s never seen in his life, and, once she leaves, likely never will again. 

 

“Get your ugly mug out of my fuckin’ face!”  the woman is screaming at Daryl’s dad.

 

“Give me the money for the dope you stole from me, bitch,” Daryl’s dad yells back. 

 

“I told you, you  _ smoked _ it, you dipshit. I swear, you couldn’t find your ass with your own two hands.”

 

Both are clearly intoxicated on booze, probably more, and both have a couple household items held above their heads as threats. Daryl rolls his eyes, and turns to leave, but before he can escape he’s spotted.

 

“You eavesdropping on us, boy?” his daddy snaps at him. 

 

“No, I’m leaving,” Daryl says quickly, but his daddy stalks over to the door, grabs him by the collar, and tosses him hard enough that he stumbles and falls, hitting the side of his face on the edge of the coffee table. The skin on his cheek busts open and hot blood trickles down his cheek and jaw.

 

“God you’re such a worthless piece of shit, always stickin’ your nose where it don’t belong. I’ll deal with you later,” his daddy says, wagging a finger in his face.

 

“Leave the kid alone,” the woman says, sounding more annoyed than worried.

 

“You gonna tell me how to parent my boy? You ain’t even got your babies. How many CPS cases you got open on you? You goin’ for a record?”

 

“Fuck you,” the woman yells, throwing a dinner plate that misses his dad entirely and instead lands and shatters right beside Daryl, who flinches and covers his head. 

 

“I let you come into my house and you break my property? Ungrateful bitch,” Daryl’s dad says, chucking a glass at her in retaliation. It hits the cupboard and breaks into a million pieces.

 

Not keen on getting on the wrong side of his daddy’s rage tonight, Daryl takes advantage of the distraction and army crawls to the door through shards of broken glass. He slips out of the open door, gets to his feet, and runs down the stairs. He unhooks Henry from his chain and replaces it with a leash. He pats his pocket for his keys and realizes they must have fallen out when he fell. He’s not about to go back inside, so instead he just starts running, Henry at his heel, no destination in mind.

 

He runs until his lungs burn and he’s forced to slow down to a walk. He heaves, heading down an unfamiliar street, and realizes he has no idea where to go, but he has nobody to reach out to.

 

Except that he does. More than one person, in fact, but as much as he loves Glenn and Rick—because he does, even though he’d never say so—he isn’t about to share this with them.

 

Carol, though, she would want to know. She’s told him to tell her when things get bad, and he knows she won’t ask questions if he doesn’t want her to. She’s his safe space. He needs help, and for the first time in his life, he wants to ask for it.

 

His phone, thankfully still in his other pocket, ends up in his hand without him even remembering grabbing it. He sits down on the curb, Henry lying down beside him. Feeling robotic, he pulls up his messages and casts her a text.

 

(7:46p) -can u come get me?-

 

(7:49p) *Why, what’s the matter?*

 

(7:50p) -dad-

 

(7:51p) *Baby, are you okay?*

 

(7:52p) -idk-

 

(7:52p) -not rly-

 

(7:53p) *Okay. Where are you?*

 

(7:54p) -um idk-

 

(7:54p) -i walked here-

 

(7:55p) *Do you see any street signs?*

 

(7:57p) -27th and maple-

 

(7:58p) *Here, why don’t you share your location with me?*

 

(7:59p) - _ you shared your location with carol _ -

 

(8:00p) *Okay, you’re not all that far away. Stay where you’re at and I’ll come get you.*

 

(8:01p) -i took henry w/ me-

 

(8:02p) *Good.*

 

(8:02p) *Omw.*

 

Daryl fiddles with his phone and kicks gravel with the toe of his boot. He leans back to rest on his hands and immediately recoils at sharp pains he hadn’t noticed until now. He examines his palms and sees a few clean cuts, and a couple pieces of glass still imbedded in the skin. His forearms are a little torn up as well. He cringes as he picks the glass out. 

 

He stares out a nothing. The neighborhood is silent, not even the sound of a car. The street lights flicker on, bathing Daryl in a dull gold. It’s overcast and grim and he finds that the only thing he wants is to be held by Carol, which, if he wasn’t in such a shit frame of mind, would be unsettling, given that he’s never craved to be held by anyone as far back as he can remember.

 

An amount of time passes—like hell if he knows how much—when he finally hears her coming. Her headlights light up the street and he scoots back onto the grass so that she can pull up next to him. She puts the car in park and let’s it idle, jumping out of the car and hurrying to his side. Henry tries jumping on her, but she gently brushes him aside.

 

“Oh honey,” she says softly, touching Daryl’s face gently where he forgot he must look a total mess from the all the blood. “Where else are you hurt?”

 

Instead of answering, he tugs her down, a little roughly, and wraps himself around her in a tight embrace, gripping her shirt. Wordlessly, she lowers herself to her knees and hugs him in return, holding the back of his head while he rests his forehead on her shoulder, breathing in the smell of roses and letting it remind him of how weightless she can make him feel. 

 

“He didn’t hit me,” he mumbles a minute later, not ready to pull away. “He wasn’t even mad at me, not really, he had some chick over and they were absolutely blitzed, and pro’ly smokin’ dope, and I got in the crossfire. He threw me and I hit my face against the coffee table. Got some glass in my hands and arms, too.”

 

“Where’d the glass come from,” Carol asks, running her hand up and down his back.

 

“They were throwin’ dishes, so fair warning, next time you’re able to come over we might hafta use paper plates.*

 

Carol huffs a small laugh. She kisses his head and loosens her arms until he does the same. 

 

“C’mon,” she says. “Let’s go.”

 

“Where?” he asks. 

 

“There’s a cheap Motel 6 just off of the highway a few miles south,” she says. “They allow dogs, I checked.”

 

“I ain’t got any money.”

 

“Don’t worry about it. I had to take out a credit card to deal with the doctor bills Medicaid wouldn’t cover for my appendectomy.”

 

“Don’t go puttin’ more on your card on my account.”

 

“Shh,” she says, brushing a hand through his hair. “The hospital is already sucking me dry, what’s $50 more dollars? Besides, it’s for emergencies. This counts. Now come on.” 

 

She helps him to his feet and then greets an affronted Henry, who forgives her pretty much instantly. She loads them both into her Chevy and then gets in the driver’s seat. As she peels away from the curb, Daryl rests his head against the window, closes his eyes, and lets her take care of him.

 

—-

 

The room has a single queen bed smack dab in the middle of it, and the implications of two teenagers alone in a motel room on a Saturday night aren’t lost on Daryl. He knows neither of them are planning anything like that on a night like tonight, but it reminds him that sooner or later, they’re going to have to have a  _ talk _ .

 

He’s not going to think about it tonight, however. Instead, he sits on the edge of the bed and tries not to flinch while Carol dabs the blood off his cheek with a warm washcloth. The woman working at the front desk had given them an odd look, but given that she worked at a Motel 6 in rural Georgia, Daryl was fairly confident that he was not the worst thing she’d seen before, and maybe not even the worst thing she’d seen today. Carol finishes cleaning him up and goes to wring the towel out in the sink.

 

In the ice bucket, Carol puts some water on the floor for Henry and gets him settled in the corner, tying his leash up around the base of the desk. She comes back over and turns down the sheets. 

 

“Come and lay down,” she tells him softly. 

 

He nods, pulling off his boots, and unbuttoning his flannel and dropping it onto the floor. He crawls over to the top of the bed wearing an undershirt and the pants he’d changed into at the shop when he got off work. He lets her tuck him into bed like a child, and then watches her slip off her own shoes and get in on the other side in her t-shirt and sweats. She scoots over close to him and lies down on her side, facing him. He places one hand on her hip, and she slips one leg in between his. She brings a thumb up to his lips and he kisses it gently. 

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks him, voice quiet even though they’re the only ones in the room. 

 

“There ain’t nothin’ to talk about,” Daryl says, shrugging the best he can from his position on the bed. 

 

“Okay,” Carol says. “If you think of something that there is to talk about, though, you can tell me.”

 

“I know.” 

 

“Good.” 

 

They fall silent. Carol closes her eyes but doesn’t sleep, he can tell. He watches her and is awash with affection and gratitude. He could, he thinks, tell her what’s on his mind. She wouldn’t judge him, or think that he’s overreacting. The only thing she’ll do is listen.

 

“Carol?” he says after a while. 

 

“Hmm?” she asks, not opening her eyes.

 

“Why does he hate me so much?” Her eyes snap open and she looks at him then, searching his face, and he swallows hard. “It’s just,” he continues, “it’s gotta be me, right? Somethin’ I did?”

 

“No,” Carol says firmly. “No, it’s nothing you did.”

 

“Then what is it? If it ain’t me then why does he want to, you know,  _ hurt _ me so much?” He flinches at the way his voice breaks, but she doesn’t mention it.

 

“Baby, I’ll never understand what goes through your daddy’s mind when he does these things, but whatever those thoughts are, they’re  _ wrong _ . You are smart, and you are funny, and attractive, and  _ so _ kind-hearted, and without you in my life I have no idea where I’d be right now, and if your daddy can’t see how incredible you are, then that’s his loss. Don’t let him in your head, Daryl, he’s a parasite; he only takes, he doesn’t provide a damn thing.”

 

There’s a dangerous lump in Daryl’s throat that he doesn’t dare talk through. Never before has someone spoken to him with such kindness.

 

“We’re fucking messes, babe,” she whispers, pressing her forehead against his and holding a hand against his chest. “But we look after one another, isn’t that what you told me? That even though our parents are either trash or dead, we take care of each other. We make sure we’re not doing it all alone. You’re not doing this all alone.”

 

“I know,” Daryl breathes. 

 

There isn’t anything else to say so she stops talking—which is one of the reasons Daryl appreciates her so much; she doesn’t fill the air with words just to fill the air. Instead, she kisses him, not with any expectation, but just to let him know that she’s there. The curl even tighter together, and Daryl lets himself relax in her arms. He sleeps just like that, enveloped in the most miraculous gift she ever gives him.

 

Safety.

 

—-

 

_ April 18th _

_ Sunday _

 

(5:07p) *Everything still okay?*

 

(5:11p) -lmao 4 the third time yes-

 

(5:11p) -hes not even here he left an hr ago n all he said was 2 ask 2 bum a smoke-

 

(5:12p) -i told u hed not give a fuk 2day he prob doesnt even rmbr wut happened-

 

(5:14p) *If you say so. How are you doing, though?*

 

(5:16p) -sweetheart im /fine/-

 

(5:16p) -this aint nothin compared 2 other times n u helped me a whole lot im ok-

 

(5:17p) *Promise?*

 

(5:18p) -i promise so go back 2 tlkin abt normal stuff-

 

(5:21p) *Like what?*

 

(5:23p) -idk anything?-

 

(5:26p) *Hmmmmmm.*

 

(5:26p) *Ok, so I did have something I wanted to talk to you about (nothing bad, calm down), but idk if this is the right time.*

 

(5:27p) -um k well now u hafta tell me-

 

(5:30p) *Are you /rly/ sure you’re in an ok place rn, though? Brain-wise?*

 

(5:31p) -carol.-

 

(5:32p) *Yes yes, ok, sorry.*

 

(5:33p) -wut did u wna tlk abt?-

 

(5:34p) *Alright, first I’m gonna preface this by saying that this is an absolutely no pressure thing at all, and is only me bringing it up just so you’re aware of it.*

 

(5:34p) *Like, I swear on the duolingo owl that I have zero intentions of making this a Thing.*

 

(5:35p) -carol im gna have a fukin stroke just tell me-

 

(5:36p) *Ok ok, damn.*

 

(5:36p) *It’s just that last night kind of made me think about this, not that I was planning on doing anything bc that would have been tasteless af so plz don’t think that, but just for like, future reference, I’m like…….*

 

(5:36p) *DTF or w/e.*

 

(5:37p) *But only if and when you want to!*

 

(5:37p) *I’m serious, there doesn’t have to be any timeframe, it doesn’t have to be anytime soon, or at all if you’re not into it, but I just wanted you to know that like, that’s where I’m at with it.* 

 

(5:41p) *Daryl?*

 

(5:42p) -yeah no thts totally cool-

 

(5:43p) *It is?*

 

(5:44p) -yep 4 sure its gud info 2 have-

 

(5:44p) -cuz thts wut bf and gf do they share things like tht n tlk abt it-

 

(5:45p) *.....Right.*

 

(5:46p) -unrelated but i have 2 go walk henry 4 idk mb 12 hrs so i’ll ttyl <3 u or w/e bye-

 

(5:47p) *Ah, okay, there it is.*

 

(5:48p) *I’ll be here once you finish freaking out, mon chéri.*

 

(5:48p) * <3 *

 

—-

 

(5:50p) -motercycll-

 

(5:50p) -motorcyycle-

 

(5:50p) -mote-

 

(5:50p) -cycul-

 

(5:50p) -motorjalsfjdlasj-

 

(5:50p) -gdi just help-

 

(5:52p) ~yikes, what’s going on there, bud?~

 

(5:53p) >What’s wrong, brother?<

 

(5:54p) -i need-

 

(5:54p) -ur help-

 

(5:55p) >Alright, with what?<

 

(6:01p) ~you with us?~

 

(6:02p) -im tryna think of a way 2 say it w/out saying it-

 

(6:03p) -ok fuk it im gna just tell u but istfg if u make fun of me like even one word i will end u both like i will feed ur balls 2 my dog do u understand?-

 

(6:04p) ~well i am now properly scared for my life. for the sake of my testicles i promise not to make fun of you.~

 

(6:04p) >Ditto, now what’s up?<

 

(6:06p) -son of a bitch-

 

(6:06p) -ok-

 

(6:06p) -ok ok ok-

 

(6:07p) ~oh my god, spit it out.~

 

(6:08p) -i don’t know how to have sex-

 

(6:08p) -rmbr i will kill u if u laff-

 

(6:09p) >Nah, no laughing at this one, bc I promise you, we’ve both been there.<

 

(6:10p) ~yeah, the terror you feel is all-too familiar, you’re suffering enough without us making fun of you.~

 

(6:11p) ~so im guessing carol wants to go to bonetown?~

 

(6:12p) -nvr say bonetown again but she said she’d b dtf-

 

(6:13p) >Rofl, did she really say dtf?<

 

(6:14p) -yes-

 

(6:15p) ~iconic.~

 

(6:16p) -will u plz help me i am so fukin clueless abt this shit-

 

(6:16p) -u kno me u kno id rather be stabbing my eyes out with steak knives thn asking u this so u kno im desperate-

 

(6:17p) >You got it.<

 

(6:17p) ~we impart all our wisdom onto you.~

 

(6:18p) >No pegging stuff though.<

 

(6:19p) ~for the LAST TIME i was not saying pegging was on my bucket list!~

 

(6:20p) -focus plz im panicking-

 

(6:21p) >Yes, sorry. Teaching you how to have sex. That’s what we’re doing now.<

 

(6:22p) ~ _ dumbass changed the group name to “Operation: Get Daryl Laid” _ ~

 

(6:23p) ~quest fuckin’ added, bros.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for child abuse
> 
> salut beau gosse = hello handsome
> 
> oui, mon chéri = yes my darling
> 
> vous venez ici souvent = do you come here often
> 
> je peux vous offrir un verre = can i buy you a drink
> 
> je ne suis pas saoul, je suis juste ivre de vous = i'm not drunk, i'm just intoxicated by you
> 
> tu veux être mon petit copain = do you want to be my boyfriend
> 
> voulez-vous danser avec moi = do you want to dance with me
> 
> tu me plais = i like you
> 
> ma chérie = my darling (feminine) 
> 
> (can you tell i just downloaded the flirting module on duolingo? perfect timing, amirite?)
> 
> okay, so i am like, 99.7% that the final update will be mid-season premiere day, which kind of works out nicely, so two more chapters total. we'll talk at the end about what comes next. i can assure you it won't be the last you'll hear of these dorks; just the last of this part of the story. 
> 
> the comments you guys give me are so unbelievable sometimes, and i can't thank you enough for all the kind things you say to me. thanks so much for entertaining this dumb story that was never supposed to be a thing and i just started randomly typing on google docs on my phone one night bc i was avoiding responsibilities. 
> 
> (((also, in case you were wondering (you weren't), carol and i both share a birthday, and that birthday is monday, which i just realized is right now, i haven't looked at the clock but it's past midnight, so ig i'm older now. honestly, one of the best presents i could have is what y'all already gave me, which is the knowledge that words i write can affect someone, however minutely, even if it's "just" fanfiction. so thank you for making the end of my 25th year really great, and here's hoping i get to chill with you awesome folks more in my 26th.)))
> 
> duolingo owl bless you all, my loves,
> 
> -diz


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw in end notes

_ April 19th _

_ Monday _

 

(7:42a) -im nvr listening 2 u guys again-

 

(7:42a) -i did wut u said i looked up stuff online n 1 of the first things i found was a buzzfeed article titled 471 sex tips-

 

(7:43a) -471-

 

(7:43a) -how complicated is sex tht i need 471 tips on how 2 do it?-

 

(7:45a) ~okay, but did you read the sex tips?~

 

(7:48a) -no i panicked n closed the browser n didnt open google again all nite-

 

(7:49a) >This may be a bit more complicated than we thought.<

 

(7:50a) ~always up for a challenge, though!~

 

(7:51a) >Daryl, why don't we start this at an even more basic level and you tell us what things scare you the most?<

 

(7:53a) -all of it-

 

(7:55a) >Can you narrow it down for us, bud? Let’s take this apart, issue by issue.<

 

(7:56a) -idk give me an example-

 

(7:57a) ~i was scared my orgasm face looked weird.~

 

(7:58a) -o fuk i didnt even think of tht-

 

(7:58a) -wut if i look weird??-

 

(7:59a) >You weren’t supposed to make him /more/ anxious, Glenn.<

 

(8:00a) ~he asked for an example!~

 

(8:03a) >Let’s focus on general, common fears first, before we get into the orgasm face level of worries.<

 

(8:04a) >When you think about going to bonetown, Daryl, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?<

 

(8:07a) -i thot we agreed not to call it bonetown-

 

(8:09a) ~no, /you/ decided not to call it bonetown. us, on the other hand, find it to be a perfectly good euphemism.~

 

(8:13a) -this is so dumb-

 

(8:14a) >Just answer the question, Daryl.<

 

(8:14a) >First thing that comes to mind, don’t overthink it.<

 

(8:17a) -bad @ it-

 

(8:19a) >What if you’re bad at it?<

 

(8:22a) -ya-

 

(8:24a) >I think everyone worries about that one.<

 

(8:27a) ~i used to watch this show about people going to the hospital because of sex, and for like, the first month that i was with maggie i was afraid i was gonna accidentally send her to the er by doing something stupid.~

 

(8:28a) ~there are so many ways to hurt yourself. i once heard that if you blow into a woman’s vagina it can kill them. isn’t that wild?~

 

(8:31a) -this is not helping-

 

(8:31a) -wut if she dies?-

 

(8:31a) -wut if im so bad @ it tht i kill her?-

 

(8:34a) ~talk about a way to go, man.~

 

(8:38a) >Okay, you aren’t going to fuck Carol to death. Let’s just make that clear right from the jump.<

 

(8:41a) ~i did see a lot of serious injuries on that show, though.~

 

(8:43a) >Glenn, what the hell?<

 

(8:44a) ~sorry, i was just remembering some of them. this one guy fucked his girlfriend so hard that her head went through a sheetrock wall.~

 

(8:46a) >Will you shut up?<

 

(8:49a) ~she didn’t die!~

 

(8:50a) -im staying a virgin 4ever-

 

(8:56a) >Oh man, this is serious, Daryl just iced Carol out while going to his seat in english class.<

 

(8:57a) -wtf no i didnt i told her hi-

 

(8:58a) >Barely.<

 

(8:58a) -wut did u just lean ovr n tell her?-

 

(8:59a) >That you’re fine, just stupid.<

 

(8:59a) >She said she knows and that she’s not worried about it, so I guess she’s giving you space.<

 

(8:59a) >What the fuck happened to your face, by the way?<

 

(9:00a) -y did u say tht now she’ll kno we’re tlking abt wut she said yesterday-

 

(9:00a) -n i hurt myself playing w/ henry its nthn-

 

(9:03a) ~man, why don’t i have english with you guys, i’m missing all the fun.~

 

(9:03a) ~what’s wrong with his face?~

 

(9:05a) >He’s got a big welt on his cheek.<

 

(9:06a) -i told u its nthn. dnt worry abt it n dnt tell carol anything else-

 

(9:04a) >Let’s be real, man, she was gonna figure out you were talking to us about it sooner or later. She’s probably just happy you’re talking about it to someone and not going old-school Daryl on us and holding it all inside.<  

 

(9:08a) -starting 2 wish i had-

 

(9:09a) -so far the only thng u guys have done is sent me 2 a terrifying buzzfeed article n told me ways i cud srsly injure my gf if i fuk up-

 

(9:12a) >You know, it just occurred to me, we’re talking about how to get you to bonetown, but we haven’t even asked if you actually /want/ to go to bonetown.<

 

(9:12a) >Do you want to have sex with Carol?<

 

(9:17a) -wut?-

 

(9:19a) >Do you want to have sex? You don’t have to.<

 

(9:22a) ~bonetown is only for willing participants, and there’s no judgment if you’d rather go to celibacyvillage or waituntilmarriageisland or wherever else your heart desires.~

 

(9:24a) >We might be taking this bonetown thing too far.<

 

(9:25a) ~no we aren’t.~

 

(9:29a) -i think i do?-

 

(9:31a) >That’s the first thing that needs to be addressed then, because none of the other stuff is gonna matter if you’re not into it.<

 

(9:34a) -ive nvr had 2 think abt it b4-

 

(9:34a) -nvr rly had a reason 2-

 

(9:38a) ~well think about it now, for however long it takes, and whatever conclusion you draw is fine. carol is understanding and knows this is all new for you. she’ll have realistic executions.~

 

(9:39a) -hope not-

 

(9:41a) ~sigh.~

 

(9:41a) ~*expectations.~

 

(9:41a) ~the point is that no one is going to give you crabs if you don’t want to have sex.~

 

(9:42a) >Dude, what is it with your autocorrect and STDs?<

 

(9:43a) ~*crap! no one is going to give you crap!~

 

(9:47a) -hopefully not crap or crabs-

 

(9:49a) >Just take some time to go over how you’d feel about going to bonetown if all the anxiety about it was gone. We can pick up from there.<

 

(9:52a) >Also stop avoiding your girlfriend, that goodbye you gave her was pathetic.<

 

(9:55a) -i will-

 

(9:55a) -gimme a bit-

 

(9:57a) ~no worries, friend.~

 

—-

 

(8:07p) *When will my boyfriend return from the war?*

 

(8:13p) -hi-

 

(8:13p) -sry-

 

(8:15p) *Nah, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just dumped that on you all of a sudden, especially when you already were feeling vulnerable.*

 

(8:16p) -dnt apologize im not mad tht u brought it up i meant wut i said its gud info 2 have-

 

(8:17p) -i just-

 

(8:17p) -alsjdflka?-

 

(8:18p) *I get it. It’s new for you.*

 

(8:19p) -i mean 6 months ago just having a friend was new 2 me so this makes my brain bleed a lil-

 

(8:19p) -im a disaster lol-

 

(8:20p) *Stop it, no you’re not.*

 

(8:23p) -is it new 4 u?-

 

(8:23p) -its ok if its not i just have nvr asked-

 

(8:24p) -lol @ the idea of me ever asking u tht b4 now-

 

(8:25p) *Yeah, that would have thrown me for a loop.*

 

(8:25p) *I am technically not a virgin, but I’ve only had sex like 1 ½ times so it barely counts.*

 

(8:27p) - ½?-

 

(8:28p) *It was with Ezekiel, and the first time we tried we couldn’t figure it out and gave up halfway through and went and got milkshakes, and the second time we /did/ figure it out, but it was weird and there was no chemistry and also he recited a soliloquy afterwards.*

 

(8:29p) *I broke up with him two days later.*

 

(8:32p) -oh-

 

(8:33p) *I don’t know, it wasn’t a good or bad relationship, it just was bland and it was like I was trying to force myself to like him more than I did, and the sex just sort of solidified it.*

 

(8:35p) *Are you mad?*

 

(8:36p) -tht u had sex?-

 

(8:37p) *Yeah.*

 

(8:38p) -y wud i b mad?-

 

(8:39p) *Idk, that I’m not a virgin.*

 

(8:40p) -ofc not thtd b a dumbass thing 2 b mad abt-

 

(8:41p) -its just tht-

 

(8:41p) -idk-

 

(8:42p) *It’s just that what?*

 

(8:45p) -wut if u have sex w/ me n realize u dnt have chemistry w/ me either?-

 

(8:46p) *Very doubtful.*

 

(8:47p) -y?-

 

(8:48p) *Bc if I touch you even the tiniest amount I get butterflies.*

 

(8:49p) -u do?-

 

(8:50p) *Yes. Always have. And I mean /always/ have. That first day, when we road your bike? It was wild. I wrote it off as just adrenaline from riding, but it kept happening. Even before I knew I liked you I knew we had hella physical chemistry.*

 

(8:51p) *Or at least, I have physical chemistry with you. I can’t speak for how you feel.*

 

(8:56p) -ur the only person ive ever liked being touched by-

 

(8:56p) -i h8 being touched normally but not by u-

 

(8:56p) -is tht physical chemistry?-

 

(8:57p) *I would think so.*

 

(9:07p) -n having sex wud b like tht?-

 

(9:08p) *I can’t say for certain, obviously, but I think it would? It’s basically just more touch, isn’t it? When you get right down to it?*

 

(9:09p) -yeah-

 

(9:11p) -but wut if we do it n i dnt like it? not bc of u but just bc theres smthn fuked up abt me?-

 

(9:12p) *Then we’ll talk through it. I don’t have any intentions of breaking up with you, Daryl, I’m not letting go of a good thing that easy.*

 

(9:13p) -idk im worried-

 

(9:14p) *I don’t regret having sex because what’s the point of regretting something that I can’t change, but I do kind of wish we could be at the same starting place, because I think experiencing it with you would be a lot more memorable.*

 

(9:15p) *And I don’t mean in terms of whether it’s good or bad or who gets off how many times or whatever. Like, we’re both clueless, it’s not gonna be an award winning porno or anything, but there’s something to be said about doing that with someone you really, really like. Someone you like more than anybody else.*

 

(9:16p) *Which is how I feel about you.*

 

(9:16p) *But I also meant it when I said that we don’t have to, or that there’s no timeframe. It’s not like we have anywhere to even go to bonetown anyway. Not with your dad in town and my aunt and her cats. And idk about you, but I don’t really want to get busy in the back of a pickup truck.*

 

(9:17p) -bonetown-

 

(9:18p) *I said what I said.*

 

(9:19p) *Here, why don’t we bookmark this for now and revisit when we’re both comfortable with it, okay?*

 

(9:19p) *I’ll always give you the space you need, but I’m ngl, I miss you when I don’t get to talk to you.*

 

(9:20p) -yeah i miss u 2-

 

(9:21p) *Then we’ll wait.*

 

(9:21p) *We good, mon chéri?*

 

(9:22p) -yeah we’re gud-

 

(9:23p) *Good, because I got a B+ on my French test and I’ve been wanting to tell you for hours now.*

 

(9:24p) -lmao im proud of u-

 

(9:25p) *Praise be to the etc etc*

 

(9:26p) -u r so gd weird-

 

(9:27p) *Aren’t you glad you’re dating me?*

 

(9:29p) -bb u got no idea-

 

—-

 

(10:36p) -i want 2-

 

(10:40p) >Hm?<

 

(10:42p) -i want 2-

 

(10:42p) -u kno-

 

(10:42p) -go 2 bonetown-

 

(10:44p) ~hell yeah, you do!~

 

(10:45p) ~ _ dumbass changed the group name to “The Road to Bonetown: the Daryl Dixon story” _ ~

 

(10:46p) -i hope u choke-

 

(10:47p) ~so many choking jokes that i am trying so hard not to make.~

 

(10:48p) > _ grp prjct rick blocked dumbass< _

 

(10:48p) >He can come back when he learns some etiquette.<

 

(10:49p) -pfffft-

 

(10:49p) -god fukin bless-

 

\---

 

_ April 20th _

_ Tuesday _

 

(8:02a) *I'm having dinner with my dad tonight.*

 

(8:07a) -wut? y didnt u tell me b4?-

 

(8:11a) *I didn't know until he messaged me before school this morning.*

 

(8:12a) *I'm off work at 6 so he's gonna come to the diner and talk and give me whatever it is he wants to give me.*

 

(8:15a) -r u ok?-

 

(8:20a) *Idk, I'm sort of indifferent right now. We'll see how I feel afterwards.*

 

(8:23a) -let me kno wut happens-

 

(8:28a) *You should know me well enough to know I'll probably call you and talk your ear off.*

 

(8:32a) -i'll have my phone on me then-

 

(8:33a) -i wnt my dad 2 gtfo so u can just come stay ovr again-

 

(8:38a) *Saaaaame.*

 

(8:38a) *Sharing bed with you on Saturday was really nice.*

 

(8:39a) *Shit circumstances, of course, but still.*

 

(8:41a) -yeah i liked it-

 

(8:45a) *Fun fact, sometimes I'd let myself fall asleep on your couch on purpose when we were watching tv bc sometimes you'd sleep there with me.*

 

(8:47a) -id break my back slping all weird on the couch just so i cud stay there w/ u so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ -

 

(8:50a) *How did it take us so long to date, jfc.*

 

(8:55a) *I love when you wear your vest.*

 

(8:56a) -its gr8-

 

(8:56a) -perfect gift-

 

(8:57a) *Oh man, your birthday is coming up. I need to think of a gift. Thank you for reminding me.*

 

(8:58a) -do not-

 

(8:59a) *It's your 18th birthday and also I'm me, you're getting a present, poophead, deal with it.*

 

(9:00a) -i like the other names u call me better-

 

(9:03a) *Mon poophéad.*

 

(9:07a) -smartass-

 

(9:14a) *What do you want?*

 

(9:17a) -do u actually xpect me 2 answer tht?-

 

(9:23a) *No but a girl can dream.*

 

(9:24a) *I’ll have to use my natural creative vision I guess.”

 

(9:24a) *Speaking of, do you think I should make a matching vest for Henry? You could get a sidecar and you guys could go on drives together.*

 

(9:29a) -only if u make urself one 2-

 

(9:34a) *We’ll go riding together as a family. You, me, and our dog child.*

 

(9:34a) *I need to see Henry so I can tell him I’m formally adopting him now that his parents are officially together.*

 

(9:39a) -he’ll b happy hes always liked u best-

 

(9:44a) *Jealous?*

 

(9:48a) -nah-

 

(9:48a) -ive always liked u best 2-

 

(9:59a) -jfc u almost made me l8 2 class-

 

(10:00a) *Don’t say cute things like that and not expect me to drag you into an empty classroom and kiss you then. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ *

 

(10:51a) -i think i failed my math quiz-

 

(10:55a) *Why?*

 

(10:57a) -ur fault-

 

(10:57a) -distracted-

 

(10:58a) *Lol!*

 

(10:58a) *You should focus more on your schoolwork and less on relationships, Dixon.*

 

(10:59a) -my skoolwork doesnt shove its tongue in my mouth during passing period-

 

(11:00a) -i will nvr understand y i like tht-

 

(11:00a) -it shud be gross-

 

(11:00a) -y isnt it gross?-

 

(11:05a) *That sweet sweet physical chemistry, bb.*

 

(11:09a) -weird-

 

(11:14a) *Don’t overthink it. It’s fun and you’re good at it.*

 

(11:20a) -i am?-

 

(11:23a) *Yes.*

 

(11:23a) *I mean, it took us both a second to get acclimated, but once we did it’s been A+.*

 

(11:23a) *At least in my opinion.*

 

(11:29a) -i have nthn 2 compare it 2 but i mean-

 

(11:30a) -A+-

 

(11:34a) *If only I were as good at French as I am at making out.*

 

(11:38a) -dnt mention french my teacher is tlking abt our presentation kill me lol-

 

(11:39a) -its gna be during finals week n it is my last final on fukin friday-

 

(11:39a) -so i get 2 worry abt it until literally the last day of skool-

 

(11:40a) -she passed out criteria n i have 2 tlk abt shit i like n describe my family-

 

(11:40a) -for 15 min-

 

(11:45a) *Yiiiiikes. Did you commit a mortal sin or something? Anger the duolingo owl?*

 

(11:47a) -its bc ur tryna 2 get me 2 have premarital sex-

 

(11:49a) *I laughed so hard I couldn’t even pretend to cover it up with a cough, fuck you.*

 

(11:49a) *Unexpected oneliners, they get me every time.*

 

(11:50a) *Lunch, asshole?*

 

(11:51a) -lol yeah omw- 

 

—-

 

(1:55p) -wud ur dad b mad @ u 4 dating me?-

 

(1:56p) -like ik u prob wont tell him or nything but if he found out somehow wud he get mad @ u?-

 

(1:57p) *Why do you ask?* 

 

(1:59p) -idk-

 

(2:02p) -i dont wna b the reason u have more shit btwn u n ur dad-

 

(2:07p) *He wouldn’t be thrilled, but you already knew that. You know the only thing he cares about is money. I could tell him about how good you are to me and how much you take care of me, and the only thing he’d say back is, “how much do his parents make?”*

 

(2:11p) -im sure he alrdy knows abt my family every1 does-

 

(2:14p) *You know his opinion of you doesn’t mean jackshit to me, right?*

 

(2:15p) *I mean, I never really expected us to be the type of couple that has nice family dinners with each other’s parents.*

 

(2:15p) *Or, I guess, each other’s dads. No moms, lmao.*

 

(2:19p) -lol can u imagine tht shitshow?-

 

(2:24p) *My dad would bring really cheap wine and act really polite but be super passive aggressive.*

 

(2:28p) -my dad wud drink all the wine n call it a pussy drink b4 getting the whiskey-

 

(2:31p) *My dad would ask your dad what he did for a living and then judge him super hard as if he didn’t depend on his dying wife’s social security and his teenage daughter’s waitressing paychecks for years.*

 

(2:34p) -lol my dad wud prob punch ur dad in the face tbh-

 

(2:37p) *My dad would lose that fight harcore, he’s all bite and no bite.*

 

(2:40p) -my dad is all stupid junkie n no common sense-

 

(2:43p) *We’d just let them brawl it out, take Henry, and go hide in the woods for a while.* 

 

(2:45p) -yeah lets not do family dinners-

 

(2:48p) *Lmao, good plan.*

 

(2:50p) *Ugh speaking of dads, I gotta go to work now and then meet up with him.*

 

(2:50p) *Will you come give me the motivation to go? Preferably by putting your mouth on my mouth?*

 

(2:51p) -duh-

 

(2:51p) -meet u @ ur locker-

 

—-

 

(4:20p) ~happy 4:20 on 4/20, blaze it!~

 

(4:27p) >Have you been waiting all day to text us that?<

 

(4:29p) -u dnt even smoke weed dumbass-

 

(4:30p) -o fuk tht reminds me tho-

 

(4:33p) ~reminds you of what?~

 

(4:35p) -ive had weed in my sock drawer 4 like almost 3 months i totally 4got abt tht-

 

(4:37p) ~how do you forget that you have weed in your sock drawer?~

 

(4:38p) -bc its not mine its carols-

 

(4:38p) -technically-

 

(4:38p) -she got it from jesus but thn didnt smoke it-

 

(4:39p) -w/e its a long story n not rly mine 2 tell so 4get it-

 

(4:42p) ~man, i’ve never even seen weed in person.~

 

(4:45p) -its green n smells gross ur not missing anything-

 

(4:49p) ~yeah, but high school is almost over and i’ve barely done anything interesting. share with the class, daryl.~

 

(4:51p) -jfc its bad enuf carols been smoking like a chimney w/out u wishing u cud do drugs-

 

(4:53p) ~it’s weed, not meth or heroin or something.~

 

(4:55p) -w/e we’ll c but if u do any drugs do them w/ me around so i can make sure u dont do anything stupid-

 

(5:00p) ~you got a serious “don’t do drugs” vibe going on.~

 

(5:09p) -idrc abt weed-

 

(5:09p) -but family has bad history w/ stuff-

 

(5:09p) -idk it doesnt matter-

 

(5:11p) ~sorry, i didn’t mean to touch a sore spot.~

 

(5:13p) >You don’t really talk about your family.<

 

(5:15p) -yeah and i ain’t gonna rn-

 

(5:15p) -tlk abt sex or smthn-

 

(5:19p) ~you actually /want/ to talk about sex?~

 

(5:22p) -not at all but im sposed 2 aint i?-

 

(5:23p) -so idk teach me smthn- 

 

(5:25p) >Where did we leave off?<

 

(5:28p) -tht im gna be bad @ it n will prob kill her on accident-

 

(5:29p) ~you probably won’t kill her.~

 

(5:30p) -probably-

 

(5:31p) >Omfg, Glenn shut up. You aren’t going to kill her.* 

 

(5:33p) ~probably.~

 

(5:34p) -i mite not kill her but i will kill u-

 

(5:36p) ~not with sex, hopefully.~

 

(5:39p) >For the love of god, you two are children.<

 

(5:40p) >Glenn, you’re only allowed to say useful things or we’ll block you again.<

 

(5:42p) ~boring, but fine. daryl, make sure she pees after sex.~

 

(5:43p) -wut-

 

(5:45p) ~not even kidding, that blogger i follow always talks about how you gotta pee after sex so you don’t get a urinary tract infection.~

 

(5:47p) >That’s actually true, I think.<

 

(5:48p) ~the blogger also says that lube is very important.~

 

(5:48p) ~and make sure you have condoms, obviously.~

 

(5:48p) ~is she on birth control?~

 

(5:51p) -uhhhh i dnt think so-

 

(5:52p) >You should ask her, that’s good info to know.<

 

(5:53p) ~make sure to use a condom just in case, though. the world isn’t ready for little daryls running around.~

 

(5:53p) ~or little ricks. you use condoms, right, rick?~

 

(5:55p) >Yes. You should be like, tripling up on your birth control methods, though, can you imagine little Glenns?<

 

(5:57p) -tlking 2 u guys makes me more anxious i nvr even thot abt like...-

(5:59p) >Getting her pregnant?<

 

(6:04p) -i h8 everything abt all of this-

 

(6:07p) ~the blog says that you should always have an open dialogue with your partner about the potential consequences of sex.~

 

(6:09p) >Glenn, exactly how much time do you spend on this blog?<

 

(6:11p) ~hey, i don’t see you giving any quality advice.~ 

 

(6:11p) ~in fact.~

 

(6:12p) ~ _ dumbass sent a link _ ~

 

(6:13p) ~read through that, and then ask questions when you have them.~

 

(6:15p) - :/ -

 

(6:17p) >It’s actually not a bad idea. That way you can get an idea of what things you need more clarification on.<

 

(6:20p) - :/ -

 

(6:20p) -i’ll look @ it-

 

(6:21p) -but if its weird im gna stop n im gna make fun of u abt it 4ever glenn-

 

(6:24p) ~i’d expect nothing less, buddy.~

 

—-

 

(8:16p) * _ incoming call from carol _ *

 

“Hey, sweetheart,” Daryl answers. The terms of endearment are coming easier, but he still gets a hint of embarrassment every time he uses one. 

 

“Hi, baby,” Carol’s tired voice comes through the other end of the line. She is liberal with her pet names, and if you’d asked Daryl even six months ago if he’d like being called things like “baby” and “honey” he would have laughed in your face. Now, though? He hopes she never stops. It’s a type of affection of its own brand and he’d never realized how nice it could feel. 

 

“Are you okay? How’d it go?” 

 

“It could have been worse, I guess. He made a few quips about me being irresponsible, leaving him alone with all of the bills and funeral expenses, because that’s what an eighteen year old should be spending her money on, right? Her mother’s casket?” 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s fine, he didn’t harp on it the whole time. He asked me how I was doing from my surgery, and I told him I was fine. He said he texted ‘that guy friend’ of mine to make sure I was okay after I got out of the O.R. I’m assuming that was you?”

 

“Yeah, it was right after you got out. I didn’t want to tell you while you were completely doped up on meds, and then it slipped my mind. ‘M sorry.” 

 

“It probably would have just pissed me off anyway, don’t worry about it. Oh, get this, though.”

 

“Hm?” 

 

“He’s selling the house; all four dollars that it’s worth. He didn’t tell me where he’s moving to, but my guess is with his side piece. He asked me if I wanted to come back home, but he didn’t exactly sound enthusiastic about the idea. I assured him I’m out for good.” 

 

“I feel like if you moved back in with him he’d just use you for rent money.”

 

“Exactly. I’m done taking care of people who are supposed to take care of me.”

 

“Good...Did he give you whatever it was he wanted to give you of your momma’s?”

 

“Ha, yeah,” Carol says, sounding a little unnerved. “I guess he was going through some of her things we had shoved in boxes in the shed, and he came across a few journals that were mom’s and they were addressed to me?”

 

“Oh man. Are they like, letters, or a diary or somethin’?” 

 

“Not sure. I’m sitting here under the porch light with them on my lap being too scared to open them.”

 

“Why scared?”

 

“I don’t know if scared is the right word, but I don’t know what to expect. I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress in letting myself feel things, but I’m kind of worried that whatever’s in here might make me clam up again.” 

 

“You don’t have to read them now if you’re not ready.”

 

“You realize that’s like putting a giant red button in front of me with a sign that says ‘don’t touch,’ right?” 

 

“Ha, yeah I s’pose.”

 

“Can I...do you mind if I look through them with you on the line? So I don’t have to hear what she has to say all by myself?” 

 

“‘Course.” 

 

“Okay. They’re dated. Give me a second, I’m gonna find the first one.” There’s the sound of rustling paper on the other end. Daryl chews on his lower lip, sitting on the ground outside, back against Henry’s dog house. “Alright, here’s the first one,” she says. “Ready?”

 

“‘S’long as you are.”

 

“As much as I ever will be, I think. Okay, this first entry is dated for the day I was born. It looks like it’s in letter form.” She clears her throat and starts to read: 

 

“‘ _ Dear Carol, you’re about seven hours old right now, asleep in a bassinet next to my bed. I’ll spare you the details of your birth, but let’s say that I’m not doing that again for a long time, if ever. The end result is worth it all, though. _

 

_ I am starting this journal because I don’t know how long I’ll have with you. I hope a long time, but I don’t know. I lost my mother, your grandmother, at a young age, and I lost the ability to communicate with her even earlier. I always felt like I missed out on the opportunity to really know her. I don’t want you to have that same feeling, and so I am going to write these letters for you, and hope that you’ll come to know me, in case we don’t get the time together that you deserve. _

 

_ Maybe it’s selfish of me to have wanted you. I know there are risks. I hope we can avoid them, but if we can’t, then I hope you make the most out of whatever life I get with you, and whatever life you get for yourself. I hope for you have happiness, contentment, and more than anything, I hope that you have the opportunity to love anyone or anything as deeply and desperately that I love you. It's’s all a risk, my darling, but sometimes risks are worth it. _

 

_ Every ounce of my love forever, _

 

_ Mom _ .’”

 

Daryl lets Carol weep gently for a while before asking, “You okay, sweetheart?”

 

“Yeah,” she says through a watery voice. “Yeah, I will be. I think I was wrong, though, I’m not ready for these yet.” 

 

“It hasn’t been that long. It’s okay if it’s too fresh. They’ll still be there.” 

 

“God that hurt,” Carol says like the wind’s been knocked out of her. “I could have appendicitis every day for a month and it wouldn’t hurt like that just did.” 

 

“I know, baby.” 

 

“It’s not fair, is it? That we both got stuck with the parent that couldn’t give two shits about us? Imagine growing up being cared about.” 

 

“She did care about you. It’s all right there, she loved you somethin’ awful. I’m sure she did right ‘til the end.” 

 

“Yeah, I guess. It isn’t the same, though.”

 

“Nah, it ain’t, but tell you what?” 

 

“Hm?”

 

“I agree with her.”

 

“About what?”

 

“That you were a risk worth takin’. Damn glad about that one.” 

 

Carol laughs a little through her wet breath.

 

“And who says you’re not a romantic,” she whispers.   
  


“Don’t tell the guys.”

 

He can hear the smile in her voice as she promises him, “Never.”

 

—-

 

_ April 25 _

_ Sunday _

 

(3:29p) ~daryl, do you masturbate?~

 

(3:36p) -nvr tlk 2 me again wtf??-

 

(3:41p) >Hahaha, Glenn, how exactly did you expect that to go?<

 

(3:43p) ~i thought maybe i could surprise him into answering me.~

 

(3:44p) -y tf did u ask me tht in the first place jfc?-

 

(3:47p) ~have you been reading the blog?~

 

(3:48p) -im working up 2 it-

 

(3:53p) >At this rate you’re going to have sex with Carol for the first time when you guys are fifty.<

 

(3:54p) -im working up 2 it!-

 

(3:55p) >Uh huh. Why did you ask him about jacking off, Glenn?<

 

(3:57p) ~the blogger writes about how masturbating is really important in learning the things you like, and also it can help with stamina.~

 

(4:00p) -i want-

 

(4:00p) -2 go drown rn-

 

(4:02p) ~i wonder if carol masturbates.~

 

(4:05p) -s t o p-

 

(4:06p) ~you should ask her. like, i know what you’re gonna say to that, but i mean it. that’s a good prelude to sexy times. that way you can get an idea of what kinds of things she’s into.~

 

(4:09p) >You know none of this information will matter if you drive Daryl to suicide, right?<

 

(4:10p) >That being said…<

 

(4:11p) -no no that being said stop rn-

 

(4:12p) >The only thing I was going to say was that Glenn kind of has a point. How are you going to be comfortable being buck ass naked with her if you can’t talk about sex with her at all?<

 

(4:13p) ~lol, maybe you should try sexting.~

 

(4:14p) >I think Glenn was joking, but...maybe you should try sexting.<

 

(4:19p) -how in tf cud u possibly think tht i cud ever do tht?-

 

(4:21p) >Well, think about it. You wouldn’t have to look her in the eye, you have time to formulate a response, and it’s good practice for the real thing. It doesn’t have to be like, super explicit, but asking her questions about what works and what doesn’t...it wouldn’t hurt.<

 

(4:25p) -yes it wud it wud hurt me a lot-

 

(4:27p) ~all we’re saying is think about it.~

 

(4:29p) -am i still allowed 2 go 2 celibacyvilliage?- 

 

(4:30p) >Yeah, but I have a feeling you don’t actually want to.<

 

(4:31p) ~bonetown awaits you, buddy, but you can take as long as you need to get there.~

 

(4:34p) -k-

 

(4:34p) -im gna go drink bleach now-

 

(4:35p) -ttyl-

 

—-

 

_ Drafts: Monday _

 

-do u mas-

 

_ delete _

 

-have u ever thinglsjdfsaa-

 

_ delete  _

 

—-

 

_ Drafts: Tuesday _

 

-do u have things u like that’s super not specific daryl u fukin dumbass-

 

_ delete  _

 

-how can i make u feel gud but like in a boning way?-

 

_ delete  _

 

-i think about u when nvm nope nope nope not writing tht-

 

_ delete _

 

—-

 

_ Drafts: Wednesday _

 

-u r hot-

 

_ delete  _

 

-u r sexy-

 

_ delete _

 

-u r hot n sexy-

 

_ delete  _

 

-Y IS THIS SO HARD-

 

_ delete _

 

-dicksdickdicks penis penis vagina dicks penis fuck this-

 

_ delete  _

 

—-

 

_ April 29th _

_ Thursday _

 

(8:09p) -question-

 

(8:11p) *Yes?*

 

(8:30p) *...Yes?*

 

(8:32p) -do u like anything in particular?-

 

(8:33p) *Uh, like, in life? I’m pretty fond of chocolate ice cream.* 

 

(8:36p) -no-

 

(8:36p) -i mean like-

 

(8:36p) -sex-

 

(8:36p) -aslfjlasj-

 

(8:37p) *Oh. Well that’s a question.*

 

(8:38p) -sry sry sry u can ignore me-

 

(8:39p) *Slow your roll there, darlin’. I didn’t say it was a /bad/ question.*

 

(8:39p) *Just unexpected.*

 

(8:40p) -o-

 

(8:41p) -so...do u?-

 

(8:42p) *Lmao, suddenly I’m all shy. I’ve never been asked that before.*

 

(8:43p) -well ive nvr asked anyone b4 so-

 

(8:44p) *So it’s new for both of us.*

 

(8:44p) -yeah-

 

(8:45p) *Are you asking like, what gets me off? Like what I do during ~~~solo time~~~?*

 

(8:47p) -so u do tht?-

 

(8:48p) *Yeah. I mean, when I have the opportunity. Don’t always have that much privacy.* 

 

(8:49p) -rite-

 

(8:50p) -when u do have privacy wut do u do?-

 

(8:51p) *Damn, where is all this confidence coming from?*

 

(8:52p) -ive been tryna ask u for 4 days n im still terrified dont be fooled-

 

(8:53p) *Lol! I appreciate your honesty.*

 

(8:54p) *To, um, answer your question, I touch myself.*

 

(8:57p) -where?-

 

(8:57p) -(asjfslja)-

 

(8:59p) *Fuck. Um. I usually start with putting a finger inside me.*

 

(9:00p) *Then another.*

 

(9:01p) *And then I finger myself for a little while. It doesn’t get me off but it makes me rly turned on. And when I can’t stand it anymore I’ll rub (asilfjsalkdfj) my clit.* 

 

(9:02p) *It’s that part that gets me off.*

 

(9:04p) -jesus-

 

(9:06p) *Wanna know what I think about?*

 

(9:07p) -ok-

 

(9:09p) *I like to imagine that it’s you touching me.*

 

(9:10p) *Sometimes when we’re making out I like to think about what it would feel like if you slipped your hand down my pants and started touching me.*

 

(9:13p) *Too much?*

 

(9:14p) -no-

 

(9:14p) -i wna do tht 4 u-

 

(9:16p) *Do you ever touch yourself?*

 

(9:19p) -mhm-

 

(9:20p) *What do you think about?*

 

(9:21p) -u-

 

(9:21p) -always-

 

(9:22p) -makes me feel guilty-

 

(9:23p) *Why?*

 

(9:24p) -bc it feels like im invading ur privacy or smthn-

 

(9:25p) *Well you have my permission to think about me all you want whenever you jack off.* 

 

(9:26p) -lol ty-

 

(9:27p) *Are you thinking about me right now?*

 

(9:28p) -yeah-

 

(9:29p) *Are you turned on?*

 

(9:30p) -yeah-

 

(9:31p) *Me too.*

 

(9:31p) *I’m gonna touch myself tonight and I’m gonna think about you.* 

 

(9:32p) *Is that okay?*

 

(9:33p) -if i can 2-

 

(9:34p) *God yes.*

 

(9:34p) *(Legit almost wrote “duolingo owl yes” without even thinking bc I am a deeply broken person lmao.)*

 

(9:35p) -nthn sexier than the duolingo owl-

 

(9:36p) *Lmao, shut up!*

 

(9:37p) -u brought up ur french learning app while sexting me n somehow im still rly into u-

 

(9:38p) *I guess you just got it that bad for me.*

 

(9:39p) -i rly fukin do-

 

(9:40p) *Promise you’ll make eye contact with me at school tomorrow even though we just talked about our genitals?*

 

(9:41p) -i promise-

 

(9:42p) -i g2g tho-

 

(9:43p) *Are you freaking out?*

 

(9:44p) -no i gotta...take care of smthn-

 

(9:45p) *Ahhh. Okay. I mean, same, so.*

 

(9:46p) *Have fun. ;) *

 

(9:47p) -shut up-

 

(9:48p) *I’ll be thinking of you. Will you be thinking of me?*

 

(9:49p) -i already am-

 

—--

 

_ April 30th _

_ Friday _

 

(6:17p) -ok i wnt 2 have sex-

 

(6:17p) -4 real this time-

 

(6:18p) -im reading ur stupid ass blog glenn-

 

(6:19p) -reading a fukin post abt foreplay n i wna die a lil but im gna keep reading it bc i wnt to go 2 bonetown gdi-

 

(6:22p) ~whoa. okay then. daryl is a man on a mission.~

 

(6:23p) >Why the sudden change?<

 

(6:25p) -i...dnt wna tlk abt it-

 

(6:28p) ~daryl, did you sext carol??~

 

(6:29p) -stfu-

 

(6:31p) >Holy shit, he did.<

 

(6:32p) ~that’s our boiiii!~

 

(6:33p) >We support this 100%.<

 

(6:34p) ~the train to bonetown has officially left the station.~

 

(6:37p) -u kno wut?-

 

(6:37p) -yes it has-

 

(6:38p) >Woooo!<

 

(6:39p) ~all a-fuckin board.~

 

—-

 

_ May 1st _

_ Saturday _

 

(1:15p) -ok im panicking again i cant do this-

 

(1:17p) ~goddamnit daryl, you’re going to give us hypertension.~

 

(1:19p) >Go read those 471 buzzfeed sex tips.<

 

(1:22p) -all of them??-

 

(1:23p) ~yes. don’t talk to us again until you do.~

 

—-

 

(6:57p) -tht was so many sex tips-

 

(7:00p) >Did it make you feel any better?<

 

(7:02p) -kinda-

 

(7:03p) -there were like 100 tips tht were all abt anal so glenn those ones were 4 u-

 

(7:05p) >Hahahaha.<

 

(7:06p) ~you know what? one day i’m gonna try pegging just to spite you guys.~

 

(7:10p) >That is literally the weirdest way you could spite us, but you do you, man.<

 

(7:10p) >Anyway, Daryl, are you back on the train?<

 

(7:13p) -i think so-

 

(7:13p) -im gna tlk 2 carol-

 

(7:13p) -bc communication-

 

(7:15p) ~atta boy.~

 

—-

 

_ May 2nd _

_ Sunday _

 

(2:34p) -hey-

 

(2:34p) -ik wut i wnt 4 my bday-

 

(2:38p) *You do??*

 

(2:39p) -yeah-

 

(2:41p) *Tell me right now immediately.*

 

(2:44p) -u-

 

(2:45p) *Come again?*

 

(2:49p) -my dad is goin on a job the day b4 my bday-

 

(2:49p) -if u wnt i thot u cud come ovr the next day n we cud-

 

(2:50p) -try stuff-

 

(2:52p) *Omg, Daryl, are you asking for /sex/ for your birthday?*

 

(2:55p) -yes-

 

(2:55p) -only if u wnt-

 

(2:55p) -bc consent is important-

 

(2:55p) -n u can always change ur mind-

 

(2:56p) -thts wut buzzfeed says n i agree w/ it-

 

(2:57p) *That’s what buzzfeed...you know what, nvm.*

 

(2:58p) *Daryl, I would love to have sex with you on your birthday.* 

 

(3:03p) -ok cool-

 

(3:04p) -cool cool then we’ll-

 

(3:04p) -have sex then-

 

(3:04p) -w/ each other-

 

(3:05p) -cool-

 

(3:07p) *You are such an adorable mess.*

 

(3:08p) *You are also allowed to change your mind, okay? Even if we’re like, stripped naked and you decide you’re not feeling it. I won’t be mad.*

 

(3:09p) -ik-

 

(3:09p) -i trust u-

 

(3:11p) *I trust you too.*

 

(3:13p) -cool-

 

(3:14p) *Lmao, stop that.*

 

(3:15p) *Anyway.*

 

(3:15p) *It’s a date.*

 

—-

 

_ May 13th _

_ Thursday _

 

(5:09p) -guys help im @ the pharmacy tryna buy condoms n there r like-

 

(5:09p) -so many-

 

(5:10p) -ive been standing in this aisle for 5 min im p sure the worker guy thinks im a pervert-

 

(5:11p) ~hahahahahaha.~

 

(5:11p) >Roflllll<

 

(5:12p) -make fun of me l8r n help me now-

 

(5:12p) -these r so complicated-

 

(5:13p) -her pleasure his pleasure ribbed flavored temp changing-

 

(5:13p) -this one vibrates wtf???-

 

(5:14p) ~i’m dying, this is hilarious, but okay.~

 

(5:14p) ~unless you’re sporting like, some sort of kielbasa in your pants just stick to the basics.~

 

(5:14p) ~.../are/ you sporting some sort of kielbasa in your pants?~

 

(5:15p) -shut the fuck up-

 

(5:15p) -ok i found smthn tht looks normal im just gna grab tht n hope it works-

 

(5:16p) >What about lube?<

 

(5:17p) -oh son of a bitch-

 

(5:18p) ~daryl trying to get laid is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.~

 

(5:19p) -stfu-

 

(5:19p) -n give me a rly fast crash course in lube-

 

—-

 

(7:56p) -so i had the worst experience of my life n i did it 4 u-

 

(7:59p) *?*

 

(8:02p) -bought u kno-

 

(8:02p) -sex things-

 

(8:04p) *Loooool.*

 

(8:05p) *I’m assuming you mean condoms and not like, a strap-on or something.*

 

(8:07p) -jfc yes i mean condoms-

 

(8:08p) -ur not like...on birth control rite? thts wut u told the dr b4 ur surgery?-

 

(8:10p) *No I’m not. I’m planning to soon, though. I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood. They do a sliding fee so I should be able to get it for free.*

 

(8:11p) -ok we’ll just b careful then-

 

(8:12p) -shud we tlk abt like...wut we’d do if smthn happens?-

 

(8:12p) -rick said tht its smthn we shud tlk abt b4hand-

 

(8:13p) *I don’t know if I should be amused or concerned that you seem to be getting all your sex advice from the groupchat and buzzfeed.*

 

(8:14p) *But yeah, I mean, I’m pro-choice. I’d have to rly think about if I’d be able to go through with it myself. Tho we’d also have to take in consideration the fact that I don’t know if I’m sick and it’s a genetic disease.* 

 

(8:15p) *What about you?*

 

(8:16p) -obvi itd not b gr8 bc we’re young n broke but id support w/e u wnt 2 do n b there 4 u n stuff-

 

(8:17p) *Okay.*

 

(8:18p) *Well, let’s just make sure we’re smart about it and everything will be fine, alright? Don’t want your condom efforts to be for naught, after all, lmao.*

 

(8:19p) -lol stfu-

 

(8:21p) *I’m taking this to mean that we’re still on for tomorrow?*

 

(8:24p) -yeah-

 

(8:25p) *Good.*

 

(8:26p) *Looking forward to it.* 

 

—-

 

_ May 14th _

_ Friday _

 

Carol insists on treating Daryl to a real date for his birthday. She takes him out to dinner where she forces him to order something expensive off the menu, and then they go to the $5 theater, where the movies showing are a Michael Moore documentary about gun control,  _ Princess Diaries 2 _ , and  _ Love, Actually _ . (They see _ Love, Actually  _ and spend half the movie trying to figure out why that one character looks so much like Rick.)

 

Daryl enjoys himself, but their plans for later are never far from his mind. They haven’t been far from his mind for well over a week now, alternating between excitement and total terror. At this point, he kind of just wants to get it over with and skip ahead to the part where they’re comfortable with each other, but he knows he has to get through this hurdle first.

 

The entire ride back to his place is tense. They make light conversation but they’re both radiating nervousness. Daryl casts occasional glances at Carol, who’s wearing that dress of hers he likes so much, and chews on a cuticle so much that it bleeds.

 

The walk up to the door takes forever. They both stop to say hi to Henry, who is deeply offended at not being invited inside. Daryl swears the climb up the porch stairs is in slow motion. At this point he’s gonna stroke out before they even get a chance to get in bed.

 

Once inside they both hover awkwardly on either side of the door. Carol pushes her hair behind her ears nervously, and Daryl scratches at a fleck of mud on his jeans.

 

“Let’s sit on the couch,” Carol says then.

 

“‘Kay,” Daryl mutters, and lets Carol be the guide.

 

They sit on opposite ends and look at each other for a moment. Then they both crack up into laughter.

 

“We’re pathetic,” Carol says.

 

“We are,” Daryl agrees. 

 

“Do you...are you still wanting to do this?”

 

“Yeah,” Daryl says honestly. “Are you?”

 

“Definitely. I’m just nervous.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“We shouldn’t be, though. It’s just us, right? We trust each other, and it’s gonna go however it’s gonna go, and it’ll be fine no matter what.”

 

“What if I hurt you or something and you have to go to the ER and you have a PTSD meltdown and it’s all my fault?”

 

“Okay, that probably won’t happen,” Carol says, poorly suppressing a grin. “But if it does it’ll give me the right to give you shit for the rest of your life, and I’ll enjoy that, so even that would end up being okay.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay...So, do you wanna like, start?” Carol asks, laughing a little at how silly that sounds.

 

“How do we start?” Daryl asks, blushing a brilliant red.

 

“Why don’t we start with kissing,” Carol suggests. “We already know we’re good at that.”

 

“‘Kay,” Daryl mutters, watching hesitantly as Carol slowly breaches the distance between them. He meets her halfway and kisses her in a way that’s become familiar. For a minute he lets himself appreciate the kiss for what it is, calming down a tiny bit, right up until Carol moves and straddles his lap. With a sharp intake of breath, Daryl pulls away and stares at her.

 

“Okay?” she asks. He swallows and nods. She nods back and, wrapping her arms around his neck, goes back to kissing him, but this time it’s more urgent, with her lips parted and her tongue sliding against his. He leans back against the couch cushion and lets himself be kissed senseless, his hands moving up to hold her waist on their own volition.

 

“You can feel me up if you want,” Carol whispers against his mouth. Tentatively, Daryl slides his hands up the length of her body. He can feel her every rib under the thin fabric of her dress, and he pauses just before his hands find her breasts. At his hesitation, she tells him, “Go for it.”

 

“Are you sure?” 

 

In response, Carol reaches down, takes hold of his wrist, and moves his hand herself. Daryl awkwardly cups her breast for a moment like he’s gently holding a baseball, not sure where he’s supposed to go from here, but then she starts kissing his neck and his hands clench around her as his head falls back. 

 

Carol nips at his skin and asks softly in his ear, “Do you want to go to your bedroom?”

 

“Okay,” Daryl says, dazed. Carol slides off of him and off the couch. She takes his hand and pulls him to his feet. She leads him into his bedroom, where Daryl stills and says, “One sec.” He goes up to his wall where the single photo of his mom is taped up, and peels it off. He places it face down on his dresser and explains, “Don’t want her watching this.”

 

“Dork,” Carol says affectionately, pulling him away from the wall and making him sit on the edge of the bed. 

 

She pushes his legs apart and comes up to stand between them. She starts unbuttoning his shirt, one-by-one, biting her lower lip. He watches her, feeling limp, as she reaches the last button and then slides his flannel off his shoulders. He’s so caught up in the moment he doesn’t even have time to be self-conscious about his scars. Instead, he trembles as she runs her hands up through the light hair on chest.

 

Just as he remembers he has hands too, and should be touching her back, she takes a few steps back. She keeps his gaze as she pulls up her dress and lifts it up over her head. She tosses it haphazardly onto the floor and stands before Daryl in nothing but her bra and panties, and he dies a little. 

 

“Damn,” is all he can say, eyeing her up and down because for once he feels like he’s allowed to without feeling guilty. She grins and then comes back over to him. He wraps his arms around her and revels in the new feeling of bare skin against bare skin, and with the adrenaline rushing through him, he thinks that Carol was right—they do have hella physical chemistry.

 

He kisses her again and feels like he’s free-falling, not entirely sure what happens next. He tries wracking his brain for anything Glenn or Rick might have said about what he’s supposed to do, before he realizes they’re the last people he wants in his head right now. He gives himself a little shake, and Carol notices.

 

“You okay?” she asks, pulling away.

 

“Yeah, sorry, just trying not to think about Glenn.” 

 

Carol squints at him.

 

“What?”

 

“No, I don’t mean...never mind, just...let’s keep kissing, okay?”

 

Carol gives a bemused laugh and goes back to the activity at hand. Daryl, summoning up confidence from somewhere deep,  _ deep  _ inside, moves away from her mouth and starts peppering small kisses on the freckles scattered along her neck and shoulders. She hums in appreciation, and reaches behind herself to unhook her bra. Daryl stills.

 

“I’m gonna spare you the pain of trying to figure out how to work this thing,” she tells him. “It can be like a damn rubix cube if you don’t know what you’re doing.”

 

Daryl is much more distracted by the bra slipping off of her than he is by whether or not he’s the one undoing it. He stares at her breasts with what must be a genuinely stupid expression on his face, but it can’t be helped. She’s letting him see her _ boobs _ . 

 

(God, even he knows he's is so incredibly eighteen.)

 

He doesn’t even ask this time, his hands just find her chest and she inhales sharply as he feels her up like his life depended on it. He sucks on the skin along her collarbone and breathes in the smell of roses.

 

“Why do you always smell like roses?” he asks absently.

 

“It’s my lotion.”

 

“Oh.” He then says, voice muffled against her skin, “I want to try.”

 

“My lotion?”

 

“Pfft, no,” he snorts. “I want to try to, you know...get you off.

 

“That makes more sense.”

 

“I might be bad at it,” he warns her. “But I wanna try. Show me?” 

 

Carol leans back and regards him, and then nods slowly. She climbs onto the bed and lays on her back, her stomach pulled taut, and shimmies her panties down her legs. She kicks them away to be found sometime later when they can give a fuck, and lays spread eagle out for Daryl to see. 

 

_ Jesus Christ _ , he thinks.

 

“Gimme your hand,” she says. Daryl gets on top of her, straddling her legs, and does as he’s told. She brings his hand down to her center and helps him slip one finger inside her. He literally gulps, and she grins at him. “Make your finger like a hook,” she says. “And don’t worry about doing it too hard, you won’t hurt me.”

 

Daryl starts to finger her, and marvels at the way her eyes close and her chest rises and falls a little harder. It’s a lot like kissing, where all the new smells and sounds and feelings should be  _ disgusting _ , but instead he’s sporting quite an impressive erection.  _ C’est la vie _ , he figures. 

 

After a while, he slips another finger inside, remembering what she told him about what she does when she’s alone. She makes a tiny noise from somewhere in the back of her throat that encourages him to go even harder.

 

“Tell me what to do now,” he says after a few minutes of getting her nice and wet. Wordlessly, she takes hold of his hand again and guides him up to where the diagram on Glenn’s blog said said the clit is located. She leads him in the rhythm; adjusts his pressure and speed. He does exactly as she shows him—because the internet told him that if they say it’s working for them, don’t change a thing—and before long she’s tensing up, and she lets out a single gasp, shuddering hard beneath him. 

 

He waits for her to come back down before moving his hand. “Was that…?” he asks nervously.

 

“Hell yeah it was,” Carol says, breathlessly. “Whew.” She lets out a long exhale through pursed lips. “Nice one, team.” She holds up her hand and Daryl frowns at it. “We’re not continuing this until you give me a high five,” she explains to him, and he laughs, clapping his hand against hers, feeling some well-deserved pride. 

 

“Now what?” he asks, trying not to sound selfish even as he’s pressed hard against his jeans. 

 

“Now you tell me where you put the condoms while you take off the rest of your clothes,” she instructs.

 

“Top drawer,” he says, nodding to his dresser, wasting no time undoing his fly. Taking off his pants has never been so complicated. He kind of understands how Glenn ended up keeping his socks on during his first time—there are just so many articles of clothing to keep track of.

 

“Why do you have four different kinds of lube in here?” Carol asks.

 

“Because there were too many different kinds and I got nervous,” Daryl responds. He kicks his boxers off and into the  _ somewhere over there _ area where Carol’s panties are, and says, “Come here.” He tugs her back over to him, kissing her hard on the mouth, his reservations flying out the window now that he’s hornier than he has ever been in his entire life and the grand finale is so close at hand. They roll around until she’s underneath him again.

 

“Here,” she says, handing him a condom. He fumbles with the foil package and spends another minute trying to figure out how the fuck it works. “Didn’t you pay attention to the condom-on-the-banana lesson in health class?” Carol teases. 

 

“Shut up,” Daryl laughs, finally getting it rolled down all the way. He reaches into his drawer and pulls out one of the more innocuous bottles of lube. “What do I do with this?” he asks, lost.

 

“Put some on your dick?” Carol suggests inelegantly, and he snorts. He squirts too much into the palm of his hand, rubs some on himself, and then awkwardly wipes the rest on his comforter while Carol laughs at him. 

 

He positions himself over top of her then. He looks down at her and bites his lip. Her smile fades and is replaced by excitement, with just a hint of apprehension. 

 

“Okay?” he asks her.

 

“Yes,” she says. He leans down and gives her a quick kiss; reassurance for them both.

 

Getting inside her takes a bit of fumbling. She helps him find where he’s going, and the second he slips inside he knows he’s not going to last.

 

“This ain’t gonna be a long show,” he warns her through a strained voice.

 

“Hey, I already got off,” Carol reminds him. “This is just a perk at this point.” 

 

Daryl huffs a laugh before he starts moving. It feels like nothing he’s ever experienced. Jacking off has nothing on this. He wraps his arms around her shoulders, getting as much physical contact as he can, and thrusts in and out, biting her shoulder to keep from making embarrassing noises. Her fingernails dig into the skin of his back, and it’s so bizarre to have a pleasurable pain in the place he usually only feels abuse.

 

“Carol,” Daryl warns after he’s gone as far as he can.

 

“Let go, baby, it’s fine,” she says breathlessly in his ear. That’s the last push he needs. He comes so hard and fast inside her that he sees white. She coaxes him through his orgasm, running a hand up and down his spine. He rests with his head on her chest for a good thirty seconds, the aftershocks rattling his body. He lifts his head up and gives her a long, languid kiss, and then pulls out of her slowly, collapsing onto his back, breathing hard.

 

“Happy birthday,” Carol says after a moment. Daryl laughs, feeling a little hysterical.

 

“Thanks,” he says, grinning up at the ceiling.

 

“We did it,” she says, finding his hand and lacing her fingers through his.

 

“Yeah we fucking did,” he agrees, shaking his head in disbelief.

 

“Well I don’t know about you, but  _ I _ had a hell of a good time. Hope you enjoyed yourself.”

 

“Pfft,” Daryl scoffs, glancing over at her. “Yeah, no, that was awful,” he says sarcastically. 

 

“Shut up,” she laughs. He smiles and nudges her playfully with his elbow.

 

“What do I do with…?” he asks, gesturing at the condom still around his deflating erection, too full of endorphins to have the sense to be embarrassed.

 

“Keep it on forever,” Carol says. “Wear it as a fashion statement.” 

 

“Jesus Christ, shut your mouth and hand me a kleenex,” he says, awash with affection. She reaches beside her on the dresser and then drops a tissue directly on his face. “Thanks,” he says flatly as she giggles at him. He takes off the condom and squints at her. “On a scale of 1-100, how much will you judge me if I toss this on the floor right now?” he asks. 

 

“Sixty nine,” she says without a moment’s hesitation. 

 

Daryl grumbles, and forces himself up and crawls to the end of the bed so he can put the used condom in the trashcan like a civilized human being.

 

“Come back up here now, I wanna spoon,” Carol says. Daryl finds his way back to her, but hesitates.

 

“Wait, you have to go pee first,” he says. Carol blinks at him.

 

“I have to what?”

 

“You have to go pee. Glenn said that if you don’t you could get a urinary tract infection.” 

 

“Glenn has come up during our sex life a lot more than I would have expected,” Carol muses. 

 

“Shush and go pee,” Daryl says, nudging her. When she sees he’s not budging on the matter, she rolls her eyes and gets off the bed and heads to the bathroom. 

 

Daryl lays on his back, his hands behind his head, naked as the day he was born, feeling awed. If someone had told him at the beginning of the school year that this where he’d be he would have, well, done nothing because he would have refused to acknowledge them, but internally he wouldn’t have believed them for a second. He considers sending Chevy headquarters a thank you note, for making such shitty cars. 

 

“Am I allowed to get back into bed now?” Carol asks. Daryl lifts his head and sees her leaning against the doorframe, smirking at him. She’s unabashedly nude and without the majority of his blood in his dick he’s able to appreciate how lovely she truly is.

 

“You’re real fuckin’ beautiful,” Daryl says to her, and she gives a shy smile. He holds his hand out to her and she climbs back into bed with him. She tucks herself neatly against him, and they struggle a moment trying to get all her hair out of the way. 

 

“I’m cold, put the blanket over us,” she says once they’re settled.

 

“‘Kay, but be careful where you touch it, there’s still lube on it,” Daryl warns, draping the comforter over top of them. “Oh shit, did I do that?” he asks then, noticing a red mark on the space between her neck and shoulder. Carol cranes her neck to try and see it, and laughs.

 

“You fuckin’ branded me,” she says. 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize.”

 

“It’s fine,” she says, burrowing back down into the mattress. “Guess I’ll be avoiding low-cut shirts for a week or two, though.”

 

Daryl holds her around the waist and kisses her shoulder. 

 

“Hey,” he says softly after a couple minutes of silence.

 

“Hmm?” 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Thank  _ you _ ,” she counters.

 

“This was...it wasn’t no small thing. It was a lot.”

 

“I get it. For me, too.” She scoots in even closer, her back flush against his chest, skin-to-skin. “Happy birthday, baby,” she tells him. 

 

“Best one I’ve ever had.”

 

—-

 

(12:03a) - :) -

 

(12:05a) >Daryl’s never used a smiley face before…<

 

(12:06a) ~does it mean what i think it means...?~

 

(12:07a) - :) -

 

(12:08a) >AYYYYYYY!!!<

 

(12:08a) ~THAT’S MY BOIIIIII!!!~

 

(12:09a) ~ _ dumbass changed the group name to “Operation: Get Daryl Laid; Status: ACHIEVED”~ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for sexual content
> 
> okay, first off, I'M SORRY. this chapter was soooo much longer than i expected it to be, and i went home sick from work last night and was working on this and was sort of staring at google docs like "hmmmm, i don't really remember english right now...." i'm hoping the extra time i put into it was worth it, though. i had a really fun time writing it, so that's something at least. probably the most fun i've had writing a sex scene. thank you for your patience, and again i'm super sorry.
> 
> second of all, that is an actual buzzfeed article. i came across it a couple weeks ago, and that number just stuck in my head and i thought, "man, daryl would have a panic attack if he saw that." hence, the several references. you know how i love my self-indulgent bullshit.
> 
> third, vague sort of mention that some of the things i've been putting in here are a setup for the sequel, so they might feel loose-endish, but aren't going to be forever. (specifically referring to the letters from carol's mom, but also a couple other things.) 
> 
> fourth, i still plan on having the Finale done by sunday. premiere day! i hate premiere day! i'm used to just binging shows, so having to rely on spoilers and then waiting every week, especially when i'm obsessed with a ship that is regularly getting beaten in the face by the writers, is super stressful and i am not excited. (imma still watch it tho. imma still watch it.)
> 
> ok. gonna shut up and just finally post this mother fucker. thanks for being you, you're all my favorite.
> 
> see you on finale/premiere day,  
> -diz


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw in end notes

_ May 30th _

_ Saturday _

 

Daryl wakes up the next morning about five degrees too hot, stiff in the arms and neck, and unbelievably happy. He blinks his eyes open and finds himself entangled with Carol, one of his legs crossed between hers, and his arm still draped over her hips. The twin bed isn’t conducive to holding more than one person, but Daryl doesn’t care. He’ll pay the chiropractor bills if it means being able to wake up like this.

 

They still aren’t wearing any clothes, he realizes, their outfits from yesterday strewn about the room. The thought conjures memories of the night prior. It had been awkward, and silly, and  _ so  _ sweet, and even kind of hot. He doesn’t think his first time could have gone any better.

 

Yes, it was a perfectly pleasant first time, and lying in bed with a nude Carol wrapped in his arms, his body suggests to him that he wouldn’t be opposed to having his second time soon. He angles his hips away from her, not sure how deeply asleep she is, and not wanting to give her the wrong idea if she’s not in the same mood. He presses his lips against her shoulder blade.

 

“Hmm,” she hums at the touch, sounding in the inbetween state of being awake and asleep. She doesn’t say anything or turn around, but she absently takes hold of his hand draped across her and strokes his knuckles with her thumb. He nuzzles his face into her neck and peppers her with lazy kisses. She tilts her head to give more access. He takes his hand that’s on her hip and caresses her thigh up and down with two fingers.

 

Her breathing changes then, becoming more shallow, and his heart beats a little faster as the energy in the room becomes charged, and some intuitive sense makes him  _ know  _ that they’re both thinking the same thing. Awash with a passing confidence from morning grogginess and teenage boy hormones, Daryl inches his hand towards the inside of her thigh very slowly. He pauses then, certain they’re on the same page but needing the confirmation anyway. 

 

“It’s okay,” she whispers, so quiet it barely counts as breaking the silence. She opens her legs wider for him and he takes the invitation with a nervous swallow. The angle is awkward and the muscles in his arm strain but he doesn’t give a single shit. He finds her entrance and slides a finger inside. She makes a tiny noise that goes directly to his dick. He adds another finger and does a rhythmic motion against her walls. He keeps it going for ages, ignoring the painful tension in his forearm up to his shoulder, until he can’t anymore. 

 

He slows down and removes his fingers carefully, fully intending to do like he did the night before and get her off by rubbing her clit, but she has other ideas. The second he’s out of her she sits up and starts digging through the dresser. She holds a condom out to him and he hesitates only a moment before taking it from her and tears it open with trembling hands. 

 

He’s a little better at putting it on this time. She lays down on her back, legs falling open, and she’s a sight to see. Her hair is mussed and her face is still etched with sleep and it’s the best thing he could think to see first thing in the morning. He positions himself between her, and realizes he didn’t grab one of his four bottles of lube. Too horny, he decides to try his luck without it. He guides himself and after short struggle, he slides inside, using her own wetness as lubricant. She takes a sharp breath and he stills, searching her face, silently asking her if she’s okay. She gives him a single nod and he nods back.

 

He starts moving, still crazily in awe at the way she feels around him. He buries his face against her collarbone, right below the hickey he left on her last night, and is careful to keep his teeth to himself. She wraps her legs around his middle and it eggs him on to go faster. The backboard of his bed hits the wall in a rhythmic thumping like it does in all the movies, and the sound makes him feel like he’s a lot better at this than he is. 

 

He lasts longer this time, though the bar is low. He grunts when he comes, and she holds him to her, petting his hair. He collects himself and then lifts up his head, places a kiss to her forehead, and slides out of her. 

 

Flopping onto his back, he wipes away a few beads of sweat forming along his hairline. She maneuvers herself onto her side, facing him, and propping herself on her elbow, smirking.

 

“Good morning to you too,” she says. Daryl huffs a laugh and smiles lazily at her.

 

“Do you want me to…” He gestures awkwardly at her lower half, but she shakes her head.

 

“I’m good,” she says.

 

“You sure?” Daryl asks, frowning. “I don’t mind.”

 

“I know, but I’m okay,” she says, sounding genuine. “I kind of liked how casual it was. Nothing too intense, just a nice round of morning sex. We just had morning sex, by the way.” 

 

“Damn, we did, didn’t we?” he says, surprised at himself. 

 

“Round two is officially in the books,” Carol says, holding her hand up. He rolls his eyes at her fondly and high-fives her.

 

“Is that going to be a thing?” he asks.

 

“Absolutely,” she says. She reaches over to grab a tissue and gives it to Daryl. “What time is it?”

 

“Uhhh,” Daryl says, tossing the condom aside, not particularly caring, and patting the blankets until he finds his phone. “A little after nine. Do you work today?”

 

“Unfortunately. At eleven. You?”

 

“Yeah, at noon.” 

 

“Lying in bed all day sounds  _ so  _ much better,” Carol says with a pout. Daryl nods in agreement. “Alas, money.”

 

“Mhm,” he says, reaching over and pushing her hair behind her ear. She leans into the touch and he brushes his thumb over her lips. “You’re pretty,” he tells her.

 

“Pfft, I’ve got bedhead and morning breath.”

 

“Don’t mean you ain’t pretty,” Daryl says, not being able to resist leaning over and giving her a quick kiss. 

 

“You are such a sap,” Carol says, looking pleased. “If you ever make me mad I’m telling everyone.”

 

“You blackmailing me, Miller?” 

 

“Sure am.” She stretches with a sigh. “You need a bigger bed.”

 

“I know. We’re gonna end up twisting our bones up all weird.” 

 

“Mm, worth it, though,” she says, running a hand up his chest. “You’re not so bad looking yourself, by the way.”

 

“Pfft.”

 

“Pfft all you want, you’re still a, what was it? A sultry woodsman.”

 

“Jesus Christ, will that ever go away?”

 

“Probably not. Wanna hear something funny?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“When all those girls in middle school were fawning over you, I was always like, ‘omg, these girls are so ridiculous, like sure he’s cute, but they don’t even know him, he’s probably not even as bad as they all think he is.’ Little did I know I’d be the one deflowering you on your eighteenth birthday.”

 

“Please don’t call it ‘deflowering’.” 

 

“Popping your cherry?”

 

“Can we stop now?”

 

“Sorry,” she says, not sounding the least bit sorry. “Ugh, I should get ready for work soon.”

 

“Dumb.”

 

“I need to take a shower.” She chews on her bottom lips thoughtfully, a mischievous glint in her eye. “Wanna come with?”

 

Daryl swallows hard.

 

“Yes, please.”

 

—-

 

After learning something new about himself when popping a stiffy when Carol shampooed his hair and subsequently having a successful round three counterproductive to the shower they just took, Daryl leads Carol to the door, reluctant to let her leave. He tugs the broken door open and they stand in the threshold. 

 

“You staying over again tonight?” he asks, trying not to sound needy. 

 

“Duh,” she says, wrapping her arms around his neck and planting a kiss on his mouth. “I’ll make us breakfast for dinner and we can finally watch more  _ X-Files _ . We left off on such a cliffhanger. I wanna know if she ends up getting abducted or not. You haven’t watched ahead have you?” She narrows her eyes, accusatory.

 

“‘Course not, I don’t have a death wish.”

 

“Good.” She kisses him again and then turns to leave, but he takes hold of her wrist and tugs her back. She laughs and kisses him a third time, longer this time. “You’re gonna make me late for work,” she whispers against his lips.

 

“Mm,” Daryl hums, unconcerned. 

 

“You’re the worst,” she says. She gives him a final kiss and pulls away. “I’ll see you in a few hours, you clingy bitch.” 

 

“Sorry,” Daryl says sheepishly.

 

“It’s okay, I’m a clingy bitch too.” She waves at him and heads down the porch stairs. Daryl leans against the doorframe and watches her give Henry goodbye pats and then get into her car. He watches her drive off in her crappy little Cavalier, and smiles to himself.

 

Definitely one of his better mornings.

 

The best one, in fact.

 

—-

 

(11:02p) ~you guys still fuckin’?~

 

(11:05p) -shut up-

 

(11:05p) -but also no she had 2 go 2 work-

 

(11:08p) >How many times did you bone?<

 

(11:10p) -im not giving u deets abt my sex life-

 

(11:10p) -(3)-

 

(11:14p) ~did you cum in your pants at all?~

 

(11:15p) -no n i rmbrd 2 take off my sox n didnt cry once-

 

(11:17p) ~look, i’m an emotional goose okay?~ 

 

(11:18p) ~goddamnit. *guy. please don’t make this a thing.~

 

(11:20p) > _ grp prjct rick changed the group name to “Glenn the Emotional Goose & Friends” _ <

 

(11:21p) -wnt us 2 toss u some chunks of bread 2 make u feel better?-

 

(11:22p) >Some bird seed?<

 

(11:23p) -help u preen ur feathers?-

 

(11:24p) >Bring you a nice birdbath?<

 

(11:25p) -shoot u down w/ a hunting rifle n roast u w/ sum potatoes?-

 

(11:27p) ~i hope you both get premature erectile dysfunction.~

 

(11:28p) >So touchy!<

 

(11:29p) -well he is a v emotional goose-

 

(11:30p) ~i’m framing you both for murder.~

 

—-

 

_ May 21st _

_ Friday _

 

(8:18a) *I’m gonna do a thing while you’re at work tomorrow.*

 

(8:18a) *And a fair warning that I’m not sure how I’m going to feel afterwards so I will either need to be held for a several hours or babysat so I don’t do something self-destructive.*

 

(8:21a) -uh-

 

(8:21a) -details plz-

 

(8:24a) *Michonne asked me to come over and I’m gonna tell her things.*

 

(8:26a) -things as in mom n dad stuff?-

 

(8:30a) *Yes.*

 

(8:31a) *School is over in two weeks and then she and Rick are moving to Atlanta at the end of July and I kind of want to have some time with her where I’m not lying about something for once, you know?*

 

(8:32a) *She deserves it, but like, so do I?*

 

(8:35a) -u do-

 

(8:35a) -im proud of u n i’ll do w/e u need after-

 

(8:37a) *Thank you. I’m nervous.*

 

(8:41a) -do u think she’ll b weird abt it?-

 

(8:43a) *No, but I’m afraid she’ll make The Face.*

 

(8:45a) -which face-

 

(8:47a) *The “oh no poor you” face. I don’t want her to pity me.*

 

(8:49a) -i dnt think she will sweetheart-

 

(8:50a) -i think she’ll understand-

 

(8:56a) *We have been dating for a full month and you still will not sit next to me in English class, you are so ridiculous.*

 

(8:57a) -u r nvr gna give up on tht r u?-

 

(8:58a) *I will not. In ten years you’ll be mad at me about something and I’ll be like “well you never sat next to me in English class.”*

 

(9:10a) -u think ur still gna b into me in 10 yrs?-

 

(9:13a) *I mean, I don’t know the future but...I hope so?*

 

(9:14a) *Sure we’re still teenagers and don’t know anything yada yada but I hope that you’re in my life in /some/ capacity forever.*

 

(9:14a) *Is that weird? Too much too fast?*

 

(9:16a) -no i hope so 2-

 

(9:19a) *I’ve been thinking a lot about life and things, now that everyone has all their college acceptance letters and scholarships and /plans/ and shit.*

 

(9:21a) -do u wish u were going 2 college?-

 

(9:23a) *Yes and no? I want to go but I don’t think I’m ready to. I have no clue what I would study. I don’t know what I want to do. It’s like I’ve said before, it’s like I’m still learning who tf I even am.*

 

(9:26a) -i get it-

 

(9:30a) *What about you?*

 

(9:32a) -idk im not hard 2 please-

 

(9:33a) -i wnt 2 get away from my dad-

 

(9:33a) -b somewhere i can camp n stuff whn i wnt-

 

(9:33a) -have enuf $ 2 survive-

 

(9:33a) -have my dog-

 

(9:33a) -...have u-

 

(9:34a) -if thts how it works out-

 

(9:37a) *Do you think you’d want to live in Georgia forever?*

 

(9:39a) -dnt rly care either way i can go anywhere long as its not like nyc or somewhere thts cold all yr-

 

(9:41a) *Lmao imagine winter in NYC. A bajillion ppl /and/ you’d be cold.*

 

(9:45a) -ya fuk tht-

 

(9:45a) -but most places r fine-

 

(9:46a) -u?-

 

(9:47a) *Not a damn clue.* 

 

(9:49a) -gud thing u got plenty of time 2 figure it out-

 

(10:51a) *Maybe I could be a chef. Though idk if I’d want to turn my hobby into a job.*

 

(10:51a) *Or I could be a nurse. I’d hate it but I’d be good at it and it’s good money.*

 

(10:52a) *A stripper?*

 

(10:53a) -u dnt have enuf coordination 2 b a strippr rmbr whn u broke michonnes ankle?-

 

(10:54a) *Shit you’re right.*

 

(10:57a) *A hairdresser?*

 

(10:58a) -rmbr how uneven u cut my hair?-

 

(10:59a) *I fixed it!*

 

(11:00a) -uh huh-

 

(11:06a) *A welder.*

 

(11:09a) -have fun @ the hospital-

 

(11:11a) *Wish, also fuck you.*

 

(11:12a) *We could just go into the woods and live off the land.*

 

(11:17a) -ya but we’d have 2 wait until we finish xfiles n we’d nvr b able 2 watch lifetime again-

 

(11:23a) *Damn.*

 

(11:24a) *Homemaker? Have a bunch of kids and stay at home and clean the house.*

 

(11:28a) -u wud go so stir crazy-

 

(11:31a) *Gdi, what do I want to do with my life, Daryl???* 

 

(11:32a) -u got time-

 

(11:34a) *What if I don’t tho?*

 

(11:37a) -?-

 

(11:39a) *If I’m sick then this is basically middle age and I’ve accomplished nothing.*

 

(11:39a) *Mb this isn’t me freaking out about what I’m gonna be when I grow up but is actually my mid-life crisis.*

 

(11:41a) -mb ur not sick-

 

(11:46a) *Yeah, mb.*

 

(11:49a) *Come meet me for lunch and give me a hug bc I’m sad.*

 

(11:50a) -yes ma’am-

 

—-

 

(1:52p) *What if I am actually sick tho?*

 

(1:56p) -idk thn we deal w/ it theres nthn u can do abt it so thts the best we can do-

 

(1:57p) *We.*

 

(1:57p) *You seem so sure you’d want to stick around for something like that.*

 

(1:58p) -ofc i wud stick arnd 4 tht-

 

(1:59p) -i alrdy told u tht no matter wut we r 2 each other im gna make sure ur takin care of-

 

(2:02p) *I’d be such a burden. You saw my mom. You saw how bad it gets.*

 

(2:06p) -ud nvr b a burden 2 me-

 

(2:10p) *I don’t want to be a reason you get sad.* 

 

(2:13p) -id b sadder if i knew u were sick but wasnt there 2 help take care of u-

 

(2:16p) *You are one loyal mother fucker.*

 

(2:20p) -ride or die-

 

(2:22p) *Ride or die.*

 

(2:25p) *I want kids and a house and a normal life where I get to grow old and have gray hair and can be weird to the other old people in the nursing home.*

 

(2:29p) -every1 wud have like crosses n pics of jesus in their rooms n ud have a duo owl shrine-

 

(2:33p) *Lmao!*

 

(2:36p) -u can have some of tht even if ur sick-

 

(2:36p) -kids n a house n ur alrdy rly weird-

 

(2:38p) *I know but if I’m sick I want it to end with me. I’m not giving my own children this massive weight to carry like I have to.*

 

(2:40p) -u cud adopt or mb u can get tested if u ever feel like u wnt 2-

 

(2:43p) *I know. It’ll be okay, right?*

 

(2:45p) -yes-

 

(2:46p) *Promise?*

 

(2:49p) -bb we’ve made it this far n we’re still kickin i think we’ll b just fine-

 

—-

 

_ April 22nd _

_ Saturday _

 

Daryl sits on the couch scrolling through nothing interesting on his phone with Henry resting his chin on Daryl’s lap when he hears Carol’s car pull up. Henry hears it too and leaps onto the floor, coming very close to hitting Daryl in the balls, and barks at the door, tail wagging so hard his whole rear end wobbles back and forth.

 

“Hey baby,” Carol says after she’s kicked in the door, talking to the dog as he jumps up and greets her. Carol looks at Daryl then and says, “Hi other baby.”

 

“Hey,” he says, trying to assess her mood, but she’s frustratingly blank.

 

“Have you ever considered fixing this door?” she asks after she’s body slammed it shut.

 

“At this point I think I’d forget and accidentally kick the new door off its hinges,” Daryl says, scooting over to make room for her on the couch. She collapses onto it and immediately rests her head on Daryl’s shoulder. Daryl wraps an arm around her. “How’d it go?” he asks gently.

 

“Objectively fine,” Carol says, playing with a button on Daryl’s shirt. “Subjectively emotionally exhausting.”

 

“Did she make the face?”

 

“No. You were right, she was very understanding. She sat there and listened to me unload years worth of bullshit I’d kept from her, and when it was over she just gave me a hug and thanked me for sharing it with her. Meanwhile I’m over there crying like an idiot, wanting to take it all back, but the second I started talking it just kept coming. I projectile vomited my trauma all over her.”

 

“Gross way of putting it, but I’m proud of you.*

 

“Thank you. I’m not sure I’m proud of myself. All I feel is sort of embarrassed. Like, a naked in class sort of embarrassed where I feel very  _ seen  _ when I don’t want to be.”

 

“I get it.”

 

“I guess it’s good I’m feeling something at least. I’m not blocking it all out. I miss that coping mechanism, though, it was extremely useful.”

 

“Until you lost your shit on me and ended up vomiting on the side of the road three times because you were so hungover,” Daryl reminds her, stroking her hair.  

 

“Up until that part, I mean.” 

 

“You gonna go to group tomorrow?”

 

“Ugh.  _ Two  _ days of emotional vulnerability? Do you hate me?”

 

“No. The opposite. I won’t bug you about it though if you don’t want to.”

 

“I’ll probably go, but I reserve the right to be grumpy about it.”

 

“Fair.” 

 

Carol sighs deeply and burrows her face against Daryl’s chest. 

 

“Feelings are dumb,” she says, voice muffled.

 

“Sure are,” Daryl agrees. 

 

“Hey,” Carol says, lifting her head up to look at him. “Can we have sex?”

 

“Mm, do you want to have sex so you don’t have to be in your feelings?” Daryl asks, narrowing his eyes. Carol twists her mouth and shrugs.

 

“Kinda, but not in a repression sort of way, just in a ‘I want to feel something good today, too’ sort of way. A reminder that things can suck but things can also be okay and sometimes they can be both on the same day. Also, this shirt is hot on you and it’s making me want to jump you.” 

 

“Pfft,” Daryl laughs. “Then yeah, we can have sex.” 

 

Carol gives him a wicked grin, takes him by the hand and leads them to the bedroom.

 

—-

 

(12:03a) -r u guys awake?-

 

(12:07a) >I am. Studying for finals.<

 

(12:09a) ~finals aren’t for a whole week, nerd. also yes, i’m awake.~

 

(12:12a) -can i tell u smthn? like smthn real?-

 

(12:13a) ~yeah, of course.~

 

(12:13a) >What’s up, brother?<

 

(12:16a) -i just wna tell u i dnt wna tlk abt it or anything ok? not rn anyway-

 

(12:17a) >That’s fine.<

 

(12:17a) ~that’s cool.~

 

(12:21a) -k so ik u prob kno the rumors abt my family n tht theyre no gud n stuff n most of the rumors r tru. my bro is in prison 4 selling meth n my dad smokes dope all the time n drinks 2 much n whn hes home he gets mad sometimes n he doesnt treat me real gud. he hurts me sometimes n it sux but its ok so dont go calling cps or smthn bc im 18 so @ this point wut does it matter-

 

(12:22a) -i just wnted 2 tell u bc idk u guys r my friends n u shud kno the important stuff abt me-

 

(12:22a) -i dnt wna tlk abt it anymore thn tht mb some other time but not rn-

 

(12:23a) -idk the end ig?-

 

(12:23a) -tht was weird 2 just send @ midnite im sry-

 

(12:24a) ~nah dude, don’t be sorry.~

 

(12:24a) >Don’t apologize.<

 

(12:25a) >Thanks for telling us. That wasn’t easy for you, I know.<

 

(12:26a) ~yeah, and like, i know we give each other shit all the time, but you and rick are my best friends, so don’t feel like you gotta hide stuff from us.~

 

(12:27a) >We’re here for you, and if you ever do want to talk about it you can.<

 

(12:28a) ~if you never want to talk about it that’s chill too.~

 

(12:29a) >Basically it’s all fine and we love you, brother.<

 

(12:30a) ~for sure. and even when we’re in different cities we’ll always be here to give you as much or as little herpes as you need.~

 

(12:30a) ~why? literally why? why would my autocorrect ever think i was trying to say herpes?~

 

(12:31a) ~******help.~

 

(12:32a) >Leave it to Glenn to completely ruin the mood.<

 

(12:34a) -lmao-

 

(12:34a) -ilu guys 2-

 

—-

 

_ June 4th _

_ Friday _

 

(8:45a) -45 min-

 

(8:46a) *You got this, babe! You can do it! Woo! Yay you!*

 

(8:47a) -4 a cheerleader ur rly bad at cheering-

 

(8:48a) *1. Fuck you 2. We already knew I was a bad cheerleader, that’s not news*

 

(8:48a) *Seriously, tho, your presentation is going to go fine.*

 

(8:49a) -i went 2 the bathroom n threw up a few mins ago-

 

(8:51a) *Wow, you really do not like public speaking.*

 

(8:52a) -i h8 it-

 

(8:52a) -so so so so much-

 

(8:53a) *If I could get through my French final, you can get through yours.*

 

(8:55a) -5 min-

 

(8:56a) *Let us pray together, Daryl.*

 

(8:57a) -oh no dnt do the thing-

 

(8:58a) *Our duolingo owl, who art in the google play store, hallowed be thy name. Thy grammar lessons come, thy lingots will be won. Give us this day our daily XP, and forgive us our conjugation errors, as we forgive those who conjugate wrong against us. And lead us not into apathy, but deliver us from failure, for thine is the app, the study material, and the last ditch effort. For ever and ever. Amen.*

 

(8:59a) -y tf am i dating u?-

 

(9:00a) *Kick that presentation’s ass, baby!* 

 

—-

 

Daryl walks out of his final, still shaking from nerves even though he was the third person to present, and finds Carol sitting outside of his classroom playing Candy Crush on her phone. 

 

“What are you doing here, you don’t have any Friday finals,” he says. She looks up at him and pats the ground beside her. He furrows his brow but sits anyway.

 

“I figured you’d need the moral support afterwards, so I came to take you to lunch once you stop feeling like you’re going to barf. How’d it go?”

 

“Eh,” Daryl shrugs. “I turned a fifteen minute presentation into a seven minute presentation because I talked so fast, but I’m sure I’ll get a decent grade. Or at least I better ‘cause that was a fuckin’ terrible way to end my last day of high school.” 

 

“What’d you say in your presentation?” 

 

In response, Daryl opens his backpack and takes out a crumpled piece of paper that has his speech typed on it. He’d held it when he presented, but it was kind of pointless because his hands were trembling so hard he could barely read it. He hands it to Carol who scans it for a few seconds and then says, “You know this is meaningless to me, right?”

 

“Yeah,” Daryl says, grinning. “The English translation is on the other side, I just wanted to see you try and read that.”

 

“Rude,” Carol says, scowling. She turns the paper over in her hands.

 

It reads:

 

_ “My name is daryl. My birthday is May fourteenth and I am eighteen years old. I am from Georgia. I like watching bad television, camping, and playing with my dog. I don't like parties or public speaking. I have a job as a mechanic. I know a lot about cars.  _

 

_ My biological family is small. I only have my dad and my brother. My dad is a trucker and my brother is an entrepreneur. They are not very interesting so I will talk about my real family.  _

 

_ First I will talk about my dog, Henry. I found him on the street. He was dirty and hungry and when I took him home he was very happy. He is very bad and once ate an entire sock. I take a lot of pictures of him and I love him very much. _

 

_ Next, I have two best friends. They are both idiots but are nice. We once ate twenty one tacos together. Glenn delivers pizza as his job and he always brings us free pizza. He is very bad at using his phone. Rick is a very good man who wants to be a police officer, which he will be good at. I don't like people but I like them. They are patient with me and support me and it makes me feel good. They are leaving for college in a couple months and I will miss them but we text each other all the time so it will be okay.  _

 

_ Finally, my favorite person in the whole world is my girlfriend. Her name is Carol. She is very smart and very funny and very beautiful. She has long red hair and a lot of freckles. She knows me better than anyone else and still likes me even though I can be antisocial and dumb. I don't laugh a lot but she makes me laugh all the time. When I am sad she makes me happy. I met her because her car was broken and I offered to help her, and I am very lucky that I did because she is great. She is the reason I met my other friends because she forced me to talk to other people even though I hate talking. She is good at everything except cars and French. She hates French a lot and is mad that I am better at it than she is. She uses an app called duolingo and is weird about it but I won't explain that. Henry likes her more than he likes me but that is okay because I understand why. We both want to leave this town but for now are going to stay here together while we think about what we want to do with our lives. She makes me excited about the future.  _

 

_ That is all. I hate this and I hope that whatever I do in my life it involves no public speaking. _

 

_ Okay. The end.” _

 

“Oh my God,” Carol says, scanning the paper up and down with her lower lip out. “This is fucking adorable. I can’t believe you said all this in front of other people.”

 

“It’s okay, I’m so bad at speaking French that no one understood me anyway. If I didn’t give a copy to my teacher she probably would have just assumed I was speaking gibberish.” 

 

“So I am very smart, very funny, and very beautiful, huh?” Carol asks, nudging Daryl in the side. 

 

“Pfft, don’t get a big head.”

 

“Hey, you wrote it, not me.”

 

“Shut up,” Daryl says fondly, blushing. “I’d kiss you, but my mouth still tastes like vomit.” 

 

“I appreciate your restraint,” Carol says, getting to her feet and holding out a hand to pull Daryl up. “Let’s go lunch and then we can go back to your place and celebrate officially being done with high school, preferably naked.”

 

“I am very okay with that idea.”

 

He puts his arm around her shoulder, and the two of them walk down the halls and out the door of their high school for the very last time.

 

—-

 

_ June 6th _

_ Sunday _

 

Daryl still isn’t sure how he let Carol convince him to walk. He feels absolutely ridiculous in his graduation robe and hat. He stands in the middle of the hot and noisy crowd of his peers, all wearing identical clothes, waiting to be seated. He scowls at all of them.

 

“I hope you accept your diploma with your face exactly like that,” Glenn says from beside him.

 

“It portrays the right emotion for graduation day,” Rick agrees. “Pure disgust.”

 

“I won’t, I’ll be staring at my feet not making eye contact with anyone,” Daryl says. The tassel on his hat falls in front of his face for the millionth time. He bats it away and knocks his entire hat off. “Who the fuck thought of square hats, this is fucking stupid,” he grumbles, stuffing the hat back on his head angrily.

 

“It’s only two hours of your life, and then we’re free forever,” Carol says. He looks at how sweetly she’s smiling up at him and sighs. 

 

“Yeah, okay,” he mutters.

 

Eventually they’re led to seats, in alphabetical order by last name. The closest friend to him is Rick, and he’s still two rows away, and he wonders again what the point of this is. He sits outside under the hot Georgia sun, sweating under his robe and stupid square hat, while people he has never met in his life talk to him about this being the “next chapter of his life.” 

 

“It’s been an honor going through school with all of you,” the kid giving the speech says.

 

_ Who the fuck are you? _ Daryl thinks.

 

By the time they start calling names Daryl’s actually happy about it, because he was probably about thirty seconds away from actually dying of boredom. One-by-one, students file up to the stage to receive their diplomas. Most of them he doesn’t care about, some of them he’s mildy okay with their existence, but really there are only three other people in this audience he would go out of his way to spend time with, and they are none of these people in front of him in line.

 

When his name is finally called he glues his gaze to the ground and stalks across the stage, feeling the eyes of all of his peers and all of their family members on him, and hating every second. Some of the kids had their parents and aunts and uncles and grandparents cheering loud and proud for them from the bleachers, some even have signs, but there’s only polite applause for Daryl. He’s not even sure what state his dad is in right now, and his brother couldn’t come even if he wanted to.

 

Daryl reaches the end of the stage and looks up to take his diploma and casts a glance out at the sea of people. It only takes him a moment to find Carol. She’s beaming at him, looking  _ proud  _ of him, like someone who loved him would be, and yeah, maybe he hates this, and maybe he’d much rather be at home playing with his dog, but at least he’s not as alone as he thought. It’s a work in progress, retraining his brain to remember that he’s cared for.

 

He takes his seat and breathes a sigh of relief. He claps for no one but Rick, Glenn, and Carol. When it’s Carol’s turn she seeks him out the same way he’d sought out her, and he blushes when she blows him a quick kiss. 

 

(When it’s Glenn’s turn, he also seeks out Daryl and blows him a kiss in jest, and Daryl flips him the bird.) 

 

Finally it all comes to an end, and Daryl gets away from the crowd as quickly as possible. He goes out to the parking lot and leans against his bike, watching families take pictures and hug their kids. He knows Carol has to say hi to her aunt before coming to find him—her dad didn’t ask to be invited, and Carol didn’t send an invitation in the first place—and both Rick and Glenn have parents who give a damn, so he waits.

 

While he’s waiting he sees Ed Peletier walk by, laughing and joking with a couple of his douchebag buddies. He must feels Daryl’s gaze on him, because he looks his way and his demeanor changes instantaneously. He frowns and his body language becomes defensive. 

 

One of the annoying things, or maybe the  _ only  _ annoying thing, about dating Carol is that she’s just popular enough that it’s common knowledge that he and her are an item—just the other day, Tobin had come up to him and asked, “Hey, are you guys serious, or is it more of a friends with benefits sort of situation?” and Daryl had to remind him that he once sent him a dick pic and therefore should never address him in public again, and then a few days after that, Ezekiel saw him and Carol kissing and made such a sad face that Daryl almost ( _ almost _ ) felt bad.

 

But knowing Carol picked him over Tobin and Ezekiel (low bar, he knows) is nothing compared to the satisfaction of being able to look Ed Peletier in the eye and do nothing but smirk and know that he knows he’s gloating. 

 

“Heard you and that whore finally got together,” Ed calls over to him. Daryl’s smile doesn’t falter.

 

“Sure did,” he says sweetly, refusing to take the bait. He knows Carol wouldn’t want him to, and he finds he has no desire to anyway. He’s Carol’s, and that’s enough.

 

Irritated that Daryl isn’t rising to his challenge, Ed waves a dismissive hand and leaves in a huff. 

 

“Making friends?” Carol’s voice comes then. He turns and sees her grinning at him with her arms crossed.

 

“Just chatting with Ed about how I’m way more desirable than him,” Daryl says as she comes over and leans against the bike next to him.

 

“I heard. You finally got the whore.”

 

“Mm, yep, you’re such a whore, you had sex last night  _ and  _ this morning.”

 

“You did, too,” Carol counters. “Does that make you a whore?”

 

“Nah, doesn’t work like that.”

 

“Oh, right, sorry, I forgot,” Carol says and Daryl snorts. 

 

“We’re graduated,” he says after a few beats of silence.

 

“Mm, we are. Weird.”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Now what?” she asks with a laugh. “They didn’t give us any pamphlets on what to do once you’re out of school.”

 

“Well,” Daryl says, kicking at some dirt. “I actually had something I wanted to run past you.” 

 

“What’s that?” Carol asks, giving him a questioning look. 

 

“You can say no,” he says.

 

“Not if you don’t tell me what it is,” she says.

 

“Right. Well...Okay, I was at the shop the other day, and I had mentioned to Oscar a while back that I wanted to get out of my dad’s place, and so he was telling me that his cousin rents out properties and he just had one open up. He said it’s a little one bedroom house. Said it’s an absolute piece of shit on the outskirts of town, and he said his cousin would be willing to give me a good rate on it.”

 

“Okay,” Carol says slowly. “So what’s your question then?”

 

“I dunno, I was thinking that, if you wanted, you could rent it with me? Like, I know it’s weird ‘cause we’ve only been dating for a short time and you’re not s’posed to move in that fast, but our situation is kinda weird since we both need to get away, and we practically live together anyway half the time. Oscar said we could do a six month lease to start with so if you decide you’re sick of me you’re only stuck with me for a little while.”

 

“If I get sick of you?” Carol asks. “What if  _ you  _ get sick of  _ me _ ?”

 

“That ain’t gonna happen,” Daryl says.

 

“How do you know?” 

 

“Dunno,” Daryl mumbles, shrugging, eyes trained at his feet. “‘Cause I’m pretty sure you’re it for me.” He hazards a glance at Carol, who’s regarding him carefully.

 

“How soon can we move in?” she asks. Daryl blinks.

 

“For real?”

 

“Fuck yeah. Our own place? Not having to worry about your dad coming home, or if we’re not gonna be able to spend time together for weeks at a time? A door that actually opens when you turn the handle? Of course I want to move in with you, Daryl, and you’re insane to think otherwise.”

 

“Oh.” He chews on his bottom lip. “Cool.”

 

“Oh my God, you’re an idiot,” Carol laughs. She kisses him, and when she pulls away she keeps her hands wrapped around his wrists. She searches his eyes. “I love you,” she says finally. Daryl can feel his heart jump up and start beating in his goddamn throat. “And don’t feel like you have to say it back, because I know talking about your emotions isn’t your strong suit, but—”

 

“Love you, too,” he cuts her off. She stops mid-sentence. Her mouth hangs open for a moment before she gives a bemused frown.

 

“Oh,” she says. “Well, okay then. Didn’t expect that to be so easy for you.”

 

“It’s just fact, baby, I can state facts just fine. Now, if you ask me  _ why  _ I love you, that’s gettin’ into dangerous territory, so let’s not go there.”

 

Carol barks a laugh before shaking her head and pulling him in for another kiss. Around them, the other graduates are starting to dissipate, going off with their families to go celebrate, but Daryl’s not jealous. He’s got his family right here in his arms. 

 

“So how shitty exactly is this place?” Carol asks against his mouth.

 

“Um,” Daryl says, kissing her in between words. “I think the phase...he used was...technically liveable.” 

 

“Is there space for Henry?”

 

“Mhm, I asked. There’s a big ol’ yard because it’s kind of just sitting on a field of patches of grass and dirt that no one wants.”

 

“Sounds perfect,” Carol says, nuzzling her nose against his. “Wanna go look at it?”

 

“Hell yeah,” he says. “Can we go to my place first to take off these dumbass robes?”

 

“We can take off more than that if you want.”

 

Daryl leans back just far enough to smirk at her.

 

“Yes, please,” he says.

 

—-

 

_ Summer _

 

(10:53a) *Heyyyy, um, babe?*

 

(10:56a) -...yes?-

 

(10:57a) *Whatcha doin’?*

 

(10:58a) -packin shit. y?-

 

(10:59a) *So, funny story, I left my keys in the ignition overnight and my battery is dead and my aunt isn’t here aaaaand also my jumper cables got left inside Sophia.*

 

(11:01a) - :/ -

 

(11:01a) -u need me 2 rescue u?-

 

(11:03a) *Pretty please?*

 

(11:04a) -smh ok i’ll dig out some cables n b there in a few-

 

(11:05a) -dummy-

 

(11:06a) *Thank you! Love you!*

 

(11:08a) -ilu2-

 

(11:11a) *Wish.*

 

(11:11a) -dnt need 2-

 

(11:12a) -got what i wnt alrdy-

 

(11:12a) -even if she can b a total dumbass abt cars-

 

(11:13a) *Such a romantic.*

 

(11:14a) -yeah yeah-

 

(11:14a) -omw-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for sexual content and an absolutely abhorrent amount of fluff
> 
> welp. there she be. it hasn't sunk in that she's done. this is by far the longest thing i've ever written, fic or otherwise, and i had SO much fun with it. you guys are the real MVPs for indulging me, because, and ik i've said this before, but this was never supposed to be anything but some self-indulgent bullshit, and look what it became. i'm really attached to it, and i am so thankful that you guys all followed me on the journey, beginning to end.
> 
> that being said! is it the end?
> 
> nah fam, it ain't the end. here's my tentative, tho prob p solidified plan:
> 
> first, im giving myself a little break, but what that means is that im giving myself a little break from long projects, which means i'll probably do a oneshot or something (mb update my "going down" series), and i also have a Super Special thing im gonna work on and post that im writing as a thank you for all the kind words youve given me. that, and bc it'll be suuuuuper fun to write. expect that in the near future.
> 
> once i am done with this mini-hiatus, bc lbr, i am incapable of not having A Project going at any given time, here's what i'm going to do. i want to work on the sequel to this bc i am attached to this universe, but i also want to do the sequel to miju. i want to post miju all at once, though. it's too complicated to do chapter by chapter, i'll throw myself off and there will be plot holes. so my idea was to post the sequel to this one weekly instead of biweekly, and then in my extra time i'll work on the miju sequel and drop that whenever that's done, which i'll be honest, will be a while. 
> 
> that work for y'all? again, thank you so much. i'm getting this up like five minutes before premiere time, but technically i'm still meeting my deadline so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯.
> 
> i love you all. may the duolingo owl spread blessings upon you.
> 
> see you later, but not too much later i promise,  
> -diz


End file.
